Chapter 60
It was rather by strange chance and fortune or even divine intervention that Scarlett began to meet and take interest in the political men who gathered at her house. At first she was inclined to dismiss their conversations as something above her own understanding. But as her guests stayed at her house, she began to remember their routines and habits and a certain familiarity began to steal into her associations with them. Slowly she was drawn to emotionally charged discussions and fierce arguments. While her heart raced with emotion, she watched feverishly as the men grappled with each other. And amongst them, she discerned and admired a few who waded through difficult emotions with humility and grace. There was once even a general staying at her house and the general's hands trembled whenever he was forced to recall anything even remotely related to the battle at Virginia. But never once did the general try to supress his emotions. He seemed to draw certain pride in his memories and the ensuing sadness did not swallow him up. He was not destroyed but rather he appeared wiser and more trustworthy. And from being in the company of wiser, older men, she began developing an entirely different set of values.
Sometimes she cast her mind to her childhood days when she mostly ran around with the black children around Tara. Her mother had neglected her social needs almost entirely and she had picked up peasant like ways of dealing with money and people. She often realized this with inward shame but the shame slowly disappeared. Every once in a while she would grow sad and then as the business of living her life pushed and pulled her through each day, she learned to accept her own limitations and even in a rare moment, could laugh at herself for being that way.
By the end of the first year itself, Rhett began to visit her house. She never forgot the day when she saw him standing coolly next to Mr. Ezra Williams , newly elected chairman of the agricultural department on her doorstep. Scarlett had just then stepped out and when she heard Rhett's low drawling voice and saw the tip of his hat appearing round the door's edge, she raced back into the safety of her room and bit back tears. She never gave much thought to Rhett during the past few months although he had generously supplied her with enough funds on her new venture.
She had given up on her romantic ideals a long time ago and in her mind, she began to consider Rhett as nothing more than a friend. Of course, they must remain married because although they lost Bonnie, Ella and Wade were still there and they loved Uncle Rhett. Scarlett still did not want to disgrace the family with a divorce. She did not mind the space in her relationship because she was never very feminine to begin with. So, months back she began to convince herself that to drag Rhett through the emotional chasm of their marriage would be too unfair on him and had excused him of that fate. Instead, she was resigned to live on half-truths and the occasional white lie.
But the instant she saw Rhett, she knew she had projected all her own uncomfortable feelings onto him. Although she had developed herself well enough now, she was inwardly terrified at how she or anybody in the world could help her patch things up between herself and Rhett.
She reluctantly left her room and greeted her guests. When her eyes met Rhett's she saw he had come out of true interest in seeing how she had remodelled the house and how she had become so successful. Suddenly she could see that Rhett wanted to be in the company of such truly fine people and this was something he had expected from her a long time ago. And it was coming a little late but he was here to enjoy it nevertheless. When she realized this, a measure of calmness crept into her body. She held out her hand to Rhett and let him kiss her hand. Mr. Ezra was a hearty man and his cheerful talk covered up the awkwardness of Scarlett and Rhett's first meeting in a whole year.