Chapter 66
Scarlett sat in silence for a few moments. Then she opened her mouth to reply but Rhett interrupted her. "The old Scarlett would have denied any underhandedness in her dealings with Mr. Gallagher within these few seconds so I believe you are about to make a sincere reply- well, that alone is enough, Scarlett. I don't want you to be humble before me and I am not here to judge you."
"You always used to make light of things before-" offered Scarlett, feebly. "I guess there are some things that you wont do for me anymore"
Rhett looked away for a moment. "Let's go for a stroll along the deck, Scarlett. I think we have done enough talking. I've learned what I needed to know-"
"Yes, Rhett" said Scarlett, meekly. She slipped her arm into his and tried to look into his eyes. But he wouldn't meet hers.
That night, Scarlett sat up with a strange dread in her heart. She watched the closed door of her cabin. It hadn't opened since she last closed it after returning from the ship's lounge room. She and Rhett had a quiet dinner and he had gone for a walk on his own. Feeling gloomy and alone, Scarlett wondered if she should dress up once more and return to the dining halls where at least the atmosphere was a little more welcoming and cheerful. She hoped deep inside that everything she had done would help Rhett make his decision to stay with her. As she turned out the light and sighed, she felt the darkness so oppressing. She remembered how her father said that she could catch any man.
"The belle of the county.. three counties.. and can catch any beau.. any of the bucks in the county-"
She did not know when she had fallen into an uneasy slumber. But she started at the tickling sensation of lips on her cheek.
"It's only me" came the voice in the darkness.
Scarlett clutched at her robe and sat up immediately. "Oh Rhett, what is it?"
"Light a candle-"
Scarlett quietly lit a flame and looked at him. He was still wearing his dinner clothes with only the coat slung carelessly on the chair nearby.
"What is it?" she asked once again.
"Well" said Rhett, lighting a cigar and putting it to his lips. "Scarlett, I want to tell you that what you have done for me and I know this trip as arranged for me- I do appreciate it. I see you are changed now. You don't fly into a rage and even your words are more even tempered now- And well- I don't think I could live with you- Now, don't speak just yet-"
"Let me just get a glass of wine-" Scarlett stumbled to the cabinet and poured herself a glass with trembling hands. She drank its entire contents and stared at the bottle. "I wish this was brandy-"
"It isn't you, Scarlett. You have done remarkably well. It's just that-"
"Rhett, you know I love you-" said Scarlett, tears springing from grief. "You know I'd do anything to make you happy- Oh.. but I've tried everything- almost everything- I don't know what else to do- Perhaps my Mother was right.. she always kept telling me to be more kind and more gentle and I never could- and Pa always told me how I could- Oh but haven't I atoned enough? What more could I do? I can't go back- I couldn't live with myself-"
"Now, now.. " said Rhett, pulling her to himself. "That's no way to talk. You're just tired from all this. I'll come to visit you, Scarlett. And you can always write to me. I am thinking of going to England for a long spell. Just think, my love- we always quarrelled together. I was always poking fun at your serious ventures and you detested my coarseness, remember-"
"It's not true" cried Scarlett from within his shirt. "I loved it."
"Well, lets make light of things now too- What are we doing to ourselves? Thinking about the past and creating all this sadness and upset. We can live happier from now. We can see each other and be good friends-"
"Oh Rhett, I care about you- I know how you were with Bonnie- I would do anything to bring back those days again-"
Rhett stiffened for a moment and a blankness came into his eyes.
Scarlett drank another glass of wine and reached for Rhett's cigar. "I wish I could put it to my lips and take a long puff-"
"You'd choke and throw up" replied Rhett.
"All right then, I admit failure. I have failed to keep you and I deserve it. But promise me one thing. Don't say goodbye like this- Come to our house- yes, it is our house, it always will be- Come to our house and say good bye to me then. A proper goodbye. I don't care how many months it takes. I want you to come and spend a whole day with me before you said goodbye-"