You're beautiful like the dying sun

"Gruesome murder shocks small village!

Yesterday the body of Joslyn Vincent, 27, was found hung in her flat in Little Abberly. According to the police, she was badly beaten up and had a multitude of different internal and external injuries.

Mrs. Vincent moved to here from Noxus nearly two decades ago and made her living as a nurse. She leaves behind her husband and her daughter, who had been out of the village at the time.

Little Abberly lies on demacian ground, close to the Noxian border. It's well known for its old winery and its special breed of wool sheep.

The sheriff of Little Abberly asks the people for help. If you know anything, please turn to …"

Cassiopeia was reading. She wasn't doing anything else but reading, in fact, since Talon had come back from Demacia, his heart full of worries. Seeing her trying to hide how bad it had gotten was only adding to them, honestly.

She was wearing a veil over her face since he had come back and refused to look at him. There was something different about her eyes, but he could really tell what. Whenever he asked how she was, she responded with a thinly lipped 'fine', but he knew it was a lie. He could see her pain in the way she carried herself, in the way she did everything a little slower these days, with a little more care. It seemed as if Cassiopeia was desperately clinging to the little control left to her. Talon felt sick at it.

He watched her as she turned a page. Her hand was moving just a little slower than normal, and he could see her lips getting minimally thinner at the concentration it probably costed her to keep her fingers from shaking.

"I saw Sona in Demacia.", he said when the silence got too loud. Cassiopeia looked up, and he could barely see her eyes, but her mouth opened in surprise. "She's a servant of the Crownguard house now."

For a few seconds, she was just looking at him, and he could feel her gaze on him. She was trying to figure out if he was mad or why he brought it up at all, probably.
"I know.", Cassiopeia finally said. Talon should react to this stronger, maybe smash a glass in shock or gasp loudly, but he didn't react at all. Cassiopeia had always been extremely well informed about everything, and he hadn't believed for a single second that if Sona had escaped living, she had done so without Cassiopeia's knowledge.

"You think I betrayed you."
It wasn't a question; it was a statement. There was no anger in Cassiopeia's voice, only bitter resignation.

"I don't know what to think, honestly.", he responded, and she let out a quiet sigh.

"Do you believe she deserved it? What happened to her?"
Talon clenched his fist and stared down. 'What happened to her' made it sound like it had been an accident, an unfortunate twist of fate that had left Sona bleeding to death in an unnamed street. It didn't sound like the truth, because the thing that had happened to Sona hadn't been her life being shit—it had been Katarina and Talon, simple as that. It had been assault, getting rid of an uncomfortable witness. And yet –

"Of course not. But I thought we agreed it was necessary. You know we had orders, Katarina and me. You were there, you saw it happen-" Talon would have never said 'You were the one who caused this entire scene in the first place', but the words hung between them unspoken.

"There are other ways to get rid of somebody's ability to speak about the past than outright slaughtering them."
It was hard, so hard, to dissect Cassiopeia's voice. Was she mad? Disappointed? Sad? Talon couldn't tell, not with that damn veil on her face.

"She was a fourteen-year-old servant, and we had orders.", he finally responded, defensive. Orders. The only thing he could keep repeating over and over again, because Cass was right—there was no real justification otherwise. But Talon didn't have to justify what had happened to Sona, because he'd never had a choice. Cassiopeia closed her book and carefully placed it on the small stand beside the chair she was sitting on. She took a deep breath before she answered.
"I hadn't any, though. Orders."

No, but not interfering with other people's orders when you were on the same side was kind of implied, wasn't it? If she'd been caught—well, it was unlikely that LeBlanc would murder her own student, but it wouldn't have been pretty either.
"How did you do it? Got her out alive?"

"What if I tell you it was magic?"

She sounded amused, at least a little. Talon furrowed his eyebrows, and wanted to say something—anything, maybe demand she'd answer his damn question, but then she slightly raised her hand, just in the moment where he'd wanted to tell her it wasn't funny.

"She was my best friend, so it was my responsibility. It took care of it, even if it included a fair bit of magic, watching you guys mutilate her and smuggling her unconscious body out of the country. I don't see how knowing any of this in more detail will benefit you. She won't ever be a danger to our family again, Talon, so drop it."

'Watching you guys mutilate her'. Well, all in all, it described in cold realism what had happened, what they had done. And yet, that Cassiopeia had seen them like this—had seen her sister like this—was hard to bear for Talon. He could remember it like it had been yesterday, the fiery rage, Katarina losing every semblance of control she'd ever had for the first time. It had looked as if every fiber of her brain had been screaming kill, hurt, and she had just—done so.

She had used Sona as a ventil for her frustration, her fear, her anger, everything she couldn't take out at the rest of the world. She couldn't hurt Emilia LeBlanc, so she had come at Sona instead, as if she'd planned to hack her into pieces. The order they had been given was to dispose of her, but Katarina hadn't killed her fast. She had used her as a damn dagger sharpener.

Talon had sworn to never speak of that night again, and yet here he was. Because Cassiopeia had somehow watched it. Had somehow saved Sona, after they had left her to die.

"What, you think she's going to be silent about the whole thing because you guys were friends as kids, and she got out barely alive? I mean, after what Katarina… did, I doubt she has any sympathies left for any of us.", he asked, no real malice in his voice—he could never be mad at her, but he had to know. Some part of him knew she was going to look at him in a second, rolling her eyes and explaining how there was no way that Cassiopeia DuCouteau had truly betrayed her family to save her childhood friend.

To his horror, she chuckled. He hadn't heard her chuckle in months, and it felt misplaced now.

"God, no, and she shouldn't. If I was in her position, I'd scream it from the rooftops. Well, not literally scream, but you know -"
"That's a horrible pun, Cass.", Talon said, and he believe that there was a smile showing under the veil. It made his heart light, washed away the memories of that night. He hadn't heard her joke for—how long? He couldn't even remember.

"- figuratively speaking, I would. Anyway, she hasn't because I cursed her silent."

'What?', Talon's mind threw out helpfully. Cassiopeia had said that so casually. Cursed. Like it was just some simple spell, like levitation or Katarina's short-range teleportation or his shadows. As if curses—actual fucking curses—weren't an entirely different caliber. Black magic, blood sacrifices, demons, drawing actual covens and, well, pain. A lot of pain, from what he'd heard.

"Weren't you, like, eleven?", he eventually said with all the dignity he could muster up. Katarina had been twelve when it had happened, his mind whispered. It hadn't stopped her from cutting out Sona's tongue.
When she answered, her voice was pure mirth.
"Emilia told me I was a rather talented eleven-year-old once."

Talon opened his mouth and closed it again when he didn't come up with anything intelligent - or anything at all, for the matter—to say. If they'd been younger, she would have stuck out her tongue and teased him about his face, probably, but they weren't, and all he was left with was the nagging voice in his head that asked him how early LeBlanc had taught actual black magic to Cassiopeia.

LeBlanc, who Cassiopeia called 'Emilia' with a kind voice. As if nothing had ever happened, as if Soreana was still happily living in the DuCouteau mansion. As if Katarina wasn't engaged to Garen Crownguard.

"How is Sona?", Cassiopeia finally asked, and he could feel her eyes on him again even though he couldn't really see them, and suddenly her voice sounded soft and pained again.

"Haven't seen her much, honestly.", he answered, because honestly, how was Sona? They hadn't talked about her at all, only about Talon and Katarina, about what they had done to her. 'Get out of here immediately', Sona had said, and he hadn't been tempted to argue with her. He added "She's become stronger.", because there was no way he would tell Cassiopeia how he had walked straight into the trap of somebody who wasn't even a fighter like a twelve-year-old boy. He wasn't a particularly prideful person, but he could do without the humiliation.

"Her telepathy?" She looked at him again, and Talon hadn't even nodded properly, when she added a "Good. Then she can defend herself."

And suddenly, Talon understood—the reason Cassiopeia had no idea about Sona wasn't that she did not know how to send her a letter untracked. Being LeBlanc's student had its perks, and if Cassiopeia wanted to do something—anything—undetected, she would find a way. He knew Cassiopeia. There was no way that she hadn't tried.

But likely, Sona had just never forgiven her.

Cassiopeia had been the one to cause LeBlanc to order Sona's death, by accident. She had also been the one to curse her to silence and then had watched Katarina cut out Sona's tongue and nearly kill her. She had let her do it, because even though Cassiopeia and Sona had been best friends, Katarina was her family.

"You wrote letters to her, didn't you?", he asked, voice thick. "And she didn't answer."

For a while, Cassiopeia just stared. Not at him, not this time, just somewhere besides him, at the blank wall.

"Can't really fault her for it, right?", she finally said, sighing. "I sure as hell wouldn't either."

The sad thing was, she was right, because neither would Talon. The girl he had met in Demacia had finally grown a backbone. She wouldn't come back crawling to Cassiopeia, who she likely held responsible for what had happened. Friendship as kids be damned.

"Let's talk about something else. I've found a promising ritual in one of Vladimir's old tomes that might work to reverse progression of my ... condition. Emilia is even helping; she made some annotations on it yesterday. Say, what is the hottest pepper you could get your hands on until the next new moon?"

"Dear Katarina,

Sorry for the late letter. The last days have been hell. Every soldier in the city is busy repairing the walls or distributing food, and I've been out with Marcus for hours on end. Politics have been annoying too. The black rose is forcing more money into their missing person search, and they talk about compulsory military service again. With your father having to vote like he must, it's likely they'll get through with it. At least people aren't starving anymore.

Cassiopeia is surprisingly well. I believe she had another episode lately, because something's clearly wrong with her eyes now (she's hiding them under a veil) but she's been in a pretty awesome mood today—she has found some weird ritual in the tome that vampire-creep led her, and LeBlanc and her think it might reverse her condition? I haven't really understood anything, but she needs peppers for it, so I'll buy some later.

I think I haven't seen her this hopeful in a year.

How are things with the Crownguards going? Cass said the crack is getting bigger. She isn't concerned yet, but I think she's using her own magical power to stop it from progressing right now, and from what I've understood, she doesn't have a lot to spare lately. Be careful, okay?

Yours, Talon"

Garen found her in the garden, of all places. After a week of dodging him, they ran into each other close beside the little pond, completely on random. Katarina cursed silently about following Lux' advice to go out of the mansion for a while, because if she'd just stayed in her damn room, he wouldn't stand in front of her right now, looking at her as if he had seen a ghost.

"Katarina?", he asked, and she rolled her eyes, biting back a sarcastic comment about how it obviously was somebody else. "I… haven't seen you in days."

Because she had been hiding in her room, obviously. After Talon had left, she'd drunken herself into oblivion for a while, until she'd run out of whisky and the hallucinations had gotten unbearable.

It seemed like she didn't even get peace of mind drunk lately. Riven's ghost followed her wherever she went. She couldn't close a damn eye without seeing her half-molten face, the burned-off hair, the arrow that had hit her right into the back of her head. She couldn't hear a loud sound without being right back there in the war, without her consciousness getting overtaken by bombs, machine guns, magic. 'Pathetic', Riven's voice whispered.

She didn't tell him. Chances were, he would pity her, and she didn't want Garen's pity. Talking to Lux had helped, had shut off her memories for a while. 'You know it wasn't your fault, right?' rang in her ears. It wasn't really the truth, but it had still been comforting to hear.

"I wasn't feeling well.", she responded, because it was the closest thing to the truth that she was ready to tell Garen. Lux wanted her to make amends with him. What a fucking joke her life had become.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?", he asked, and there was serious concern in his voice. He had the same blue eyes as Lux had, Katarina realized with a pang of guilt. The expression in them was the same naïve worry. She shook her head and stared at the pond. Garen broke the silence it first.

"I'm sorry. For what I said about destroying Noxus. Lux kind of… had my head for it, and she is right. The war was horrible, and if I could somehow travel back in time and prevent it, I would, no matter the price, but… Noxus is your home country. The people you love are there. I should not have said what I said."

The way he looked at her was reminding Katarina of a guilty puppy. She sighed. So that was what it boiled down to? 'I'm sorry I hurt you with my opinion. I won't voice it while you're listening in the future.'
"No, you shouldn't have.", she agreed, closing her eyes for a second. Lux had said she didn't want to see her brother hurt.

"I tend to say things I shouldn't when I'm angry.", Garen said, and she let out a silent laugh.
"Yeah, me to."

"Does that mean we're good?"

That was the question, wasn't it? Garen believed Noxus was a shithole that deserved to burn down. He wouldn't say so anymore, out of respect for her, but that didn't change that he still believed it. And a week ago, she had been mad about it, but the truth was, Katarina hated Noxus at least as much as Garen did. She was just less vocal about it, but if it would bring Riven back, she'd burn it to the ground herself. A pathetic shithole, she'd called it a week ago in the privacy of her own mind, sitting beside Riven's grave. A shithole that Riven had died for.

Was that enough to defend a country? Riven had been ready to die, but like this? Used as bait, bombarded by her own troops?

"I guess that's a no."
She had been silent for too long. The disappointment in Garen's eyes was back, and damn it hurt to have these eyes look at her like this. They were Lux' eyes. She could never bear the thought of Lux looking at her like this.

"It's complicated.", she responded.

"You can always explain.", he said, voice prompting, an eyebrow raised, but she just stepped backwards, shaking her head. There was no way to explain any of it—her mother, the war, last summer—she would sound as if she had lost her mind, as if she was lying.

"If you're still mad at me because of what I said, I-", she waved him off.

"It's not that. I mean, I am, but that's… not the reason."

"Why then? What's wrong with me?"

She looked away from him, stared at the pond. The water was so clean she could see the pebbles on its ground, her view on them getting distorted from time to time by the small waves that the wind made. The sun reflected on the surface, blinding her. She kept her eyes wide open until she couldn't see anything but white spots.

"There's nothing wrong with you."

He was just himself. Garen Crownguard, Demacia's golden boy. Parents who cared about him, a career laid out in front of him from the second he had learned to walk. A sister who had his back, even if he didn't deserve it. He was part of a military that hadn't lost a war in decades, that treated his soldiers like actual human beings. The worst thing that could happen to him being bored.

And Katarina had been ordered to marry him, be part of his life. For the greater good. She would gain security, to the point where life would become boring, in a city that was so untroubled that hunger or illness were abstract concepts. She would get everything she ever lacked but hadn't specifically wanted, at the cost of the only thing she had ever wished for—the freedom to love the person she wanted to love. The happiness to be loved back.

"Well, if it's not about what I said, and it isn't about who I am either -"

If she just looked into his eyes, she could imagine that they belonged to Lux. They had the same blonde hair, even though hers was longer. The nuances in their expressions were so similar, the way he pressed his lips together when he was irritated, the way he crocked his eyebrows when he was confused. They were all Lux, or maybe they were all them.

She could work with this; she had told herself back in Noxus at Riven's grave. Maybe it was time she at least attempted to put money where her mouth was.

Katarina leaned forward before she could change her decision. When her lips hit his, Garen seemed too surprised to actually react at all, at first. They just stood there while the seconds stretched, she slowly moving her lips against his. There was no heat, her heartbeat didn't even fasten. They were nothing but two people utterly unintrigued with what happened, sharing a simple question—'Can this work?'

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, and she expected to feel—something, anything—but she didn't. His body was warm, but not hot. He was bigger than her, and yet there was no poetic safety she felt in his arms. It should have meant something, kissing her fiancée, and yet—she felt nothing.

He smelled like shampoo; he tasted like toothpaste. There was nothing distinct about him she could make out. She couldn't even imagine that he was somebody else, because he was so different from everybody she had ever wanted. Her mind was just blank when she asked it to come up with any scenario that might make this kiss enjoyable.

When she pulled back, there was this questioning look in his eyes, as if he had known that she had searched for something in their kiss, anything.

"It's not about you. It's just… this. I can't feel anything, even if I try."

She dropped in the grass, and he sat down beside her.

"We have time, though. To get to know each other; to make it work. We are basically strangers. Of course it's going to feel like this. I imagine kissing is something that you have to practice, anyway."

Her eyebrows shot up faster than anything. "Please don't tell me this was your first kiss."

He shrugged. "Wasn't a big deal, wasn't it? It wasn't yours?"

'Oh, fucking shit', ran through her head. She was too sober for this. But she had to agree—it hadn't been a big deal, and that was precisely the issue. There was absolutely nothing she felt for him—not even physical attraction, and from his comment, she assumed it had been the same for him. If she could just feel anything, he could take Talons' place, make her forget, but like this? She shook her head.

"It's different when you're in love.", she said and wanted to take it back immediately. What was she doing, telling him this? Was it guilt? Was she feeling sorry for him, because out of all the people to kiss, it had been her, and she had been colder than ice? He had wanted Noxus destroyed, she reminded herself.

"How?"

Well, she'd dug that grave herself, hadn't she?
"It's… more, kissing somebody you love. For me, it always felt like fire. As if I was burning and the rest of the world stopped existing, and it was just me and them left in the universe. It feels as if, right now, everything around you could come crashing down and I'd still not have a single thought left to care."

It had felt as if the past didn't matter, as if the pain had stopped existing. She hadn't been able to tell where her body begun and theirs ended. Like they could do anything, could survive anything.

Garen stared at her with an open mouth. When she stared back, an eyebrow raised as if she wanted to dare him to make a stupid comment, he smiled, and something in his eyes was sad.

"You want to be with him instead, and you're disappointed you got me."
It wasn't a question; it was a statement. And it was nearly true.

Katarina didn't have the words to respond. Garen grabbed a pebble and threw it, let it jump over the small pond. It jumped three times before it sunk.

"He was a lucky guy.", he said. "To have you."

She could tell him. That it hadn't been a guy at all, it hadn't even been a single person, and having her had certainly made nobody lucky. But what good would it do? Lux had asked her not to hurt Garen, and fuck, he looked hurt already. Had he really believed he could… what? Jump into her life? Demand she loved him and have the romance of a lifetime with her?

She grabbed a pebble and threw it as well. Four jumps.

"He died in the war. Was my fault. Not so lucky, eh?"

Riven had died in the war, and this was the closest to the truth she could give him. She had marched off to the battlefield, her eyes full of hope. She had told Katarina about her promotion; she had ranted out of happiness until Katarina had told her to shut up. Riven, who had demanded she'd teach her dancing because she thought it was fun, who had bought pretty lingerie just to look at herself in the mirror, who had kissed her just to know how it felt.

Katarina's world had gone up in flames and Riven had had a good laugh and told her it felt funny afterwards. And then, Riven had melted in acid, had been shot in the head, and Katarina had held her as she died, feeling every shudder her body had made while she'd fought for her last breath.

Love stories didn't have a happy ending for Katarina. She should have learned that after Riven, and when she hadn't, last summer had taught her the lesson again. It had hurt just as much as the first time around, losing somebody to her own stupidity.

"I'm sorry.", he said, voice soft.

Suddenly, she couldn't bear it anymore. The closeness. The way Garen didn't seem to be concerned about how she knew exactly that she was hurting him. He was hoping to get something out of her, and some part of her feared that he'd already gotten it—she had talked to him. Been honest with him, at least to a certain extent.

What was he hoping for here? That, if he just listened enough, she'd fall for him? She got up abruptly. There was nothing she had to give to him, and the last thing she wanted was his pity for some tragic past he thought she had. There was no tragic about her past, Katarina just had been stupid and naïve, and she'd paid her price.

(Katarina dropped on her knees beside her, the burning mud stinging on her skin. Riven's face was swollen, one of her legs was bent at a weird angle.)

"You're leaving?", he asked with a raised eyebrow. She pressed her fingernails into the skin of her hands so hard it hurt.

(Riven raised a hand to her cheek, blood dripping down her skin. Her body was shaking, and she was trying to speak, but no words would come out of her throat. A screech filled Katarina's ears; a massive eagle soared over them like a herald of death.)

She forced out a "Yes" and left him sitting at the pond, rushing away. Garen stared after her, but he didn't follow.

(Katarina heard the crossbow release, and the arrow hit Riven right in the head, a blunt impact that shook her entire body. Her hand dropped away from Katarina's cheek, and Katarina screamed, screamed, screamed -)

She barely managed to throw the door of her room shut behind her before she came down crashing.

'Dear Lux,

His Majesty informed me today of receiving your application as a bodyguard for his son. He was very pleased, to say the least.

His royal highness, the crown prince, would prefer you doing a test run with his guard before taking off to a longer mission. There is a festival to honor the anniversary of the peace treaty with Noxus next week, where he will hold a speech, and his guard will be there. They'll likely invite you to join them.

There is a formal summon attached to this letter, but I thought I would warn you in advance.

I hope you are well. Please tell your brother my congratulations on his engagement.

With kind regards,
Cadmus'