Chapter 8: Of Feelings and Fraying

Harry reached across Ron on the tiny front step and turned the doorknob easily. The front hall was padded with dust, but the pair didn't bother to banish it as they immediately made for the basement. Ron lit the seemingly empty room and Harry quickly located the tiny painted book with a heart on the spine.

The wall split open, but the library was already illuminated. Harry felt Ron relax next to him just as he did; they both felt Hermione nearby. She was nestled in a black leather chair not far from the alchemy room, with a stack of books beside her and a large one open in her lap.

She sensed their approach and moved her book to the side, which was good, because Ron promptly caught her in a very tight hug.

"You need … to stop … running," he murmured angrily into her disastrous hair. "You're gonna give me a heart attack before I'm twenty!"

"I wasn't running from you lot, just from him," Hermione grumbled. "Besides, Blaise knows if I'm in danger–"

"Blaise can't help you if we don't know where you ARE!" Harry countered.

"We couldn't track you 'til we were through the library wall," Ron said irritably. Hermione frowned; she hadn't expected that.

Ron squished onto the oversized chair with Hermione's legs over his lap. Harry Summoned another chair from across the room and sat in front of them. He bent over, peering at her stack of books about love charms, the elements of dating, and wizarding marriage rituals.

"Hermione, what happened?" Harry asked softly.

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Draco wanted to be alone, but the other nosy Slytherins wouldn't let him disappear from their sight again, so they wound up in the lounge. It was a low, windowless room walled with elaborately carved walnut panels. The room was stuffed with leather sofas, a wizarding wireless, a liquor cabinet, a billiards table, and several gem-inlaid chessboards. Draco nursed a healthy portion of Firewhisky while Blaise sat limply, listening to Theo.

"Ron and I meant to test this theory a while ago, but we weren't sure how to go about it," Theo was saying. "We all share pieces of Hermione's soul; theoretically, they should be able to reach out to each other. When Harry had part of Voldemort's soul in him, he couldn't just sense Voldemort. He could sense the other horcruxes. They were mostly objects, but the other living one was Voldemort's snake and Harry said he actually saw through her eyes more than once.

"Since we completed the bonds Ron and I both agreed that we felt more of a draw, not just to be near Hermione, but to be near the rest of you as well."

Draco snorted, but Theo pretended not to hear and continued addressing Blaise.

"You tried to force Draco's door open. Since you're the Warrior and your energy comes from strength, it makes sense that if I lent you some of my soul it enhanced your natural strength allowing you to break the door down. Hermione's magic broke through the enchantments around Hogwarts; between the two of us, Draco's little bedroom door enchantment didn't stand a chance. Then when you tried to track Hermione you used all three of us to reach further than you normally could."

Blaise leaned his head back thoughtfully, but Draco snorted again.

"You're taking this thing way too far, Nott. I thought you didn't even believe in souls, and now you can see them and share them?"

"I would love to hear a better explanation from the pouting child who stormed off to his room when he got jealous," Theo said disdainfully. His friend's obstinance was wearing on his nerves.

Draco slammed his drink down and made for the door, which Theo closed with a quick flick of his wand. Draco turned back, furious.

"This is my Manor, Nott–"

"Then let's go, Theo." Blaise rose to his feet. "Let's go find the others and tell them what we learned, and we can work on our magic and keep Hermione safe, and this jealous prick can stay here alone in his nice big mansion like he wants."

Theo said nothing but followed Blaise towards the door. Draco called their bluff and magically slid a sofa in front.

"Oh, you don't want to be alone?" Theo questioned with fake surprise.

"You're the ones who dragged me into this ruddy group and said you couldn't do it without me!" Draco snarled.

"Maybe you should actually try to be part of the group," Blaise shot back. "We're willing to talk to each other and figure things out, but you keep everything to yourself!"

"Maybe I should be like Nott here and have all my secrets spilled so everything magically gets healed," Draco sneered.

Wordlessly, Theo banished the sofa away from the door, threw it open, and marched out. Draco huffed after the disappearing footsteps.

Blaise narrowed his eyes. He hit Draco with a nonverbal Disarming Charm and snatched the wand from midair while the blond flew backwards onto another sofa.

"That's three." Blaise said firmly.

"Three what?" his rumpled friend sat up in irritation.

"Three times you called him Nott. Theo suspected you're mad at him, but he hasn't done anything wrong!"

"How would you know?" Draco spat. "You only know when things are wrong with Granger–"

Blaise made a fist around his wand. Why was Draco suddenly acting as though the last few months never happened?

"Draco, I don't get it! I used to be the only person you could talk to! You never liked talking, but you'd loosen up around me. You used to trust me! Bonding with Hermione was the best thing that ever happened to me, but you keep acting like it's the worst thing to happen to you!"

"You think it feels the same for all of you?" Draco shot angrily. "You don't know what anyone else feels!"

"Neither do you!"

Blaise didn't need a response from Draco. As soon as he'd spoken the words, he knew.

"You … you do."

Draco put on his stone face and stood to retrieve his drink. Blaise magically sent the glass across the room and pointed an accusing finger at the irritated blond.

"That's your power! Theo said you should be able to feel Hermione's emotions, but it's more than that; you can feel all our emotions!"

"No," Draco spat. He flung himself back to the sofa.

Blaise stood very still, waiting. He'd been through this routine enough. He and Theo could sit quietly for hours, but Draco had little patience and always broke the silence first.

"Only when they're about Hermione."

Blaise sat down. "Theo told us what happened when Hermione went after him. It fits with his latest theory; I think she lent him more of her soul so he could heal himself."

"Yes," Draco said simply.

"You knew?"

"Her emotions are tied to her soul," Draco answered. He threw his head back and studied the ceiling. "When her soul reacts with you blokes, I feel that too. I felt her soul touch his, I felt him take part of it, then I felt him release it. And I felt both of us affect you 'cause I was touching you. We don't share our own souls; we can share Hermione's."

"I thought Theo was taking things too far with all his soul talk," Blaise said condescendingly. "Now you're admitting he's right?" Draco said nothing but his fists tightened.

Blaise exhaled sharply. He couldn't guess the issue with Theo.

"… you're not jealous because he held hands with her, and you can't be jealous that he had her soul, 'cause we all do … are you jealous 'cause he faced his darkness before you–?"

Draco picked up a glass ornament from a nearby table and chucked it against the wall where it shattered.

"I take it this is a bad time," came a quiet voice from the doorway.

Blaise turned and was surprised to see Hermione standing there. He'd been so wrapped up in figuring out Draco that he didn't feel her return. He jumped up and she moved closer immediately, knowing what he needed. He held her tightly and took several deep breaths before growling in her ear that he wanted to kiss her, then kill her for running away, then kiss her again. Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. He released her and gently pushed her towards Draco.

"If he tells you to leave again, we all leave with you," Blaise said, loud enough for Draco to hear. He dropped Draco's wand, closed the door behind him, and crossed his fingers that Hermione could do what he couldn't.

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Harry and Ron followed Hermione's directions to the Manor library. Ron kept looking up at the floating stacks of books in interest, which amused Harry. Theo saw them coming and jumped to his feet.

"She's fine," Harry said quickly. "She's gone to talk to Draco."

Theo sat back down with a sigh. "I hope she either fixes his swollen head or smashes it," he muttered.

"Hear, hear." Ron said as he flopped into another armchair. They heard the shuffling of footsteps and turned to see Blaise emerge from another aisle.

"You left them unsupervised?" Theo said incredulously. "I do hope you remembered to soundproof the room."

"I got him past his anger and denial to the part where he starts bursting out with the frustrated truth," Blaise answered simply. "Draco's easy to handle once you learn his patterns."

"Sounds like dog-training," Harry said. The others snorted.

"Did you figure out what the mutt's problem is with me?" Theo asked Blaise dryly.

Blaise pursed his lips. "I got him to admit his power. You were right, he can feel Hermione's emotions. But since they're tied to her soul, he can also feel our emotions when they're reacting to her, or if he's touching us."

Ron sat up in interest, but Theo slumped backwards.

"Oh Merlin, I know why he hates me."

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"I wanted you to leave the room, not leave the county." Draco said without looking at her.

Hermione sat on the crooked sofa that had been blocking the door.

"I was doing some reading on the psychology of relationships–"

"You ran away to a library? Dunno why I'm surprised."

"Shut up and listen to me. We have a problem. I trust you, Draco, and I have for a long time. I trusted you to protect me from the Death Eaters, and to watch my back at the Battle of Hogwarts, and I even gave you a piece of my soul. But you don't trust me, not really."

"I don't trust anybody, Granger–"

"There it is. You're supposed to be my boyfriend, at the very least! You can't even use my name when you're stressed out, and you're scared to look at me …" Her voice started to falter a little.

"I'm not scared." But he still didn't face her.

"You must be!" she cried. "People in committed relationships don't keep secrets, Draco, and if they do, they're doing it out of fear! You're scared I'll use your secrets to hurt you, or judge you, or leave you–" she choked.

Draco tensed.

He'd been able to feel her emotions since the night they bonded but he hadn't realised until a couple weeks ago that the feelings weren't entirely his own. Then he dug deep into his bag of Occlumency tricks to block her. He could barely handle his own emotions, much less hers. His plan worked … until tonight.

The wall started to crumble and the resulting emotions smashing into him were painful.

Earlier, when he'd bravely given her a reason to leave, he tried so hard to ignore the rope binding them. He imagined it fraying, falling away … He knew it needed to happen. But her distraught voice was like a shard of glass against his heart, despite the damaged rope.

He wanted to be near her, just once more, before the rope snapped entirely. Allowing a last moment of weakness, Draco went to her sofa so fast he might've Apparated. He scooped her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.

"Don't … please don't cry." he murmured.

"I don't understand," she said against him, slightly muffled. She gripped his shirt tightly with both hands. "You got so mad, and you won't tell me why–"

"I can't fix it," he muttered. "I can feel it, but I can't fix it …"

"Draco–" she pulled away, fighting the strong arms clutching her to his chest. She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek. "Look at me."

He reluctantly opened his eyes. She still looked distraught. He had to break the rope … he just caused her pain, over and over … he couldn't bear to feel it any longer.

"I think I figured out what's wrong," she said softly. "You were angry after I came back with Theo–" Draco's arms tightened around her "–you're jealous because he fought the darkness in himself and you're afraid to do the same …"

She broke off as he let out a humorless laugh.

"Yeah, maybe. But I don't care about that. It's …"

She watched him, desperately waiting for the truth. He swallowed and turned away.

"He's a better man than me," Draco whispered. "He's so much better–"

"Draco, you all have different talents–"

"That's not what I mean."

She angrily extracted herself from his arms and stood in front of the sofa.

"Then WHAT do you mean?!"

"You're so frustrated," he muttered as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "You want to be mad at me, but you feel sorry for me for some reason, and even though part of you wants to curse the truth out of me, you're just desperate for me to trust you."

She stared down at him.

"Now you're less frustrated, probably because you've figured something out."

"You feel what I feel," she said quietly. "Theo was right."

"Of course he was," Draco said bitterly. "Is Theo ever wrong?"

"But I don't understand! If you know how I feel then you know how much it hurt when you turned away, when you told me to leave!"

"I tried to ignore it," he murmured as he stared at his feet. "I don't want this; I don't want to know how everyone feels–"

"Everyone?" she asked blankly.

"Your emotions are part of your soul," he answered quietly. "All five of us have pieces of your soul, and when we have emotions that interact with you, I feel those too."

She was still lost. "But … why would you keep that to yourself?"

"Because I see a lot more than you know. I know how each of us feels about you, and I … I was too cowardly to admit the right thing."

She waited.

"You should be with him."

"What? Who?"

"Theo. He's in love with you."

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"We were right?" Ron asked excitedly. "We can use our souls to amplify each other?"

"It's definitely worth more testing, but yes, I'm pretty sure that's the case." Theo answered.

"I guess that explains how you broke a door," Harry teased Blaise. "Good thing Malfoy can afford a replacement."

"Yes, I often find if I'm going to destroy something it's best to do in the company of rich people," Blaise replied smoothly.

Ron was studying Theo, who noticed the sympathetic look in the redhead's eyes.

"Blaise told you about my father, I take it."

Ron nodded. Blaise inclined his head slightly.

"You did agree that we could defeat our own darkness if we shared our secrets."

"I suppose you won't mind my telling Harry and Ron a secret of yours in return, then? Hmm, perhaps the reason you failed your first Apparation test?"

Blaise's eyes shot open wide. "NO, that's not the same kind of secret!"

"I heard no, so I take it you don't mind. Blaise Splinched himself and left both buttocks behind."

"NO WAY!" Ron cried out in horror.

Harry burst out laughing and Blaise glared daggers at his smirking friend. He was wrong; Theo was definitely a Slytherin.

"And now we are even, Blaise."

Harry wiped tears of mirth out of his eyes and turned back to Theo.

"So how come Malfoy hates you right now, then?"

Theo studied his lap which, as always, had a book on it.

"After my mother died, my father encouraged me, in his way, to keep my emotions hidden. I hid my anger, fear, sadness … and with my mother gone, I had no reason to feel love. I kept my heart buried for a very long time and I felt only numb until the bond with Hermione reminded me that I still had a heart. I didn't realise until this evening that my father continued to poison me … Hermione lent me more of her soul, so to speak, and I erased him."

"Right," Harry said. "So, Malfoy felt it when Hermione shared her soul with you? Is that why he was mad?"

Theo shook his head. "We all share pieces of her soul; I just temporarily had a little extra. But after she helped me heal, I experienced several emotions properly for the first time since I was six years old."

Blaise made a sort of strangled noise in his throat and looked wide-eyed at Theo.

"Yes," Theo said defeatedly. "I believe my feelings for Hermione made themselves quite clear."

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"Theo is not in love with me," Hermione countered furiously. "I'm sure he cares for me because he's my Guardian, but it's the same way that Ron and Harry–"

"No, it isn't." Draco said quietly. "I can feel it, remember? And I reckon it's easier for me to understand since I'm seeing it from the outside."

"Well fine, Mr. Emotion Expert, explain it to me, then." Hermione said crossly.

He took a deep breath. This wouldn't be easy, but it was necessary.

"It started the night we bonded," Draco started. He kept his eyes on his shoes. "When we woke up, I felt the same thing from all four of them as soon as they hugged you. They loved you, and they wanted to care for you, and protect you. We all feel those things, but after a time I realised I could spot the differences.

"When you're touching one of them, I know what they feel for you. Blaise is happier when he holds you, and he's fiercely protective. I think he fancies himself your big brother, in a way. He loves you, yeah, but it's like–"

"Like a little sister," Hermione finished. She wasn't surprised; she felt the same about Blaise.

"That's why I trust him so much with you, and I get why he needs to have you close. I know Potter's like your brother too, but it's different. You two have so much history it's not like he's your protector; he's more like your twin or something. You two are on even ground and you protect each other."

"Ginny calls us twins, too," Hermione said quietly. "Or Merlin and Morgana because we both have strong magical energy. So, you're not jealous of Harry, then?"

"I was for a long time," Draco answered numbly. "I hated Potter 'cause he had everything I wanted, including the cleverest witch at Hogwarts by his side. But no, I'm not jealous. I feel how happy Potter makes you, and I know he'd tear off his own foot to save your life but he's not in love with you."

"And Ron?" she asked softly.

"He's … I don't know exactly. He kinda loves you like a sibling too, and I know that's how you see him, but there's a bit more. Potter isn't attracted to you like that, but Weasley is."

"And that worries you?"

"He keeps his feelings to himself, so I'm alright with it. I know he follows his role according to the legend. But Theo …" Draco's voice caught in his throat. His chest was heavy. "He's different now."

Hermione waited.

"I wasn't worried 'til today. You shared your soul with him and when he let it go it was like … an explosion. I felt everything he felt, and …"

As Draco spoke, he felt hope slipping away from him like potion through a leaky cauldron.

Why am I so sleepy?

Hermione narrowed her eyes and she sat back down next to him. She didn't like the way his shoulders were shaking or how sweaty his palms were, and she wondered if he was having some sort of panic attack.

The door opened and Hermione looked up as Theo quietly entered the room.

"Harry suggested my explanation might be helpful," he said as he took a seat across from them. Draco's eyes remained fixed on his shoes.

"No," Hermione said suddenly. She went over to Theo and dragged him up by his hand. "Words aren't going to work this time. If Draco reads emotions, that's what he needs to see."

She kept Theo's hand in hers and Draco looked up as she grabbed his, too. She nodded at him pointedly.

Very slowly, Draco stood and took Theo's hand.

Hermione never felt anything quite like the rush of emotion that moved between her and the two wizards. She focused on their joined hands and willed nothing but the truth.

Theo's eyes slowly tracked down each of their arms and across their joined hands as he saw the colour of Hermione's soul affecting them. Draco's eyes furrowed, first in concentration, then in confusion. He'd been avoiding both their eyes all night, but he finally looked at Theo.

"You do love her … but–"

"But it's not that simple," Theo supplied. "Did you know, Draco, after I lost my mother I didn't really know how to love? I was so young, and my father practically beat it from me. Over the years I developed fondness for a few people, like you and your mother, but it wasn't until Hermione helped me–"

"I felt that," Draco murmured. "Like an explosion." It tore down my wall.

Theo nodded, suddenly bashful. "As if I felt every pleasant emotion for the first time." Hermione squeezed his hand and he offered her a crooked smile. "I haven't loved anyone since I was a child, Hermione, and this bond is the best thing that's happened to me since. I can't help but love you for it."

Draco dropped both their hands in defeat, all trace of colour now gone from his cheeks. Theo furrowed his brow.

"Draco," Hermione begged. "I thought you understood–"

"I do," he said in a monotone voice. "And I was right. He loves you more than I do."

"I … what?"

"Draco, no," Theo said firmly. "My feelings for her are strong but not romantic. You must have felt that."

"They're stronger than mine." Draco mumbled. He sat back down and stared unseeing at the floor. "You can give her what she needs, she trusts you more than me, and you two are a better match."

Hermione glared at him, but his eyes were blank.

"You do not decide who I'm with," she said angrily. "Only I do that. I picked you."

"No. Your magic picked me. It was wrong–"

"You are her Heart," Theo countered. "How does she feel about you? You must notice the difference–"

"I … I can't."

"You can't?"

Theo stared at him, then narrowed his eyes as he focused.

"Did you … did you do that yourself? I thought Hermione did it because she was mad at you–"

"Wait, did what?" Hermione demanded.

"His soul is … damaged," Theo answered in disbelief. "Almost every piece of you is gone from him."

Hermione stared at Draco's impassive face and clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. The gold band around his grey eyes that appeared the night they bonded was no longer there. She backed away in despair.

"Don't you dare run out," Theo said firmly as he took hold of her sleeve. "We're fixing this. Draco, we've already had this argument: you don't decide Hermione's future by cutting yourself out of it! She made her choice, and if you loved her, you would honour that!"

"I don't love her. I don't love anyone." His voice was like ice.

Hermione sank to her knees.

The door burst open. Ron rushed in first and made a beeline for Draco.

Blaise carefully pulled Hermione to her feet and behind him Harry tucked something into his pocket. Extendable Ears?

"Sorry," Harry said in a low tone. "We were worried, then Ron felt something–"

"It's in him," Ron seethed. "The Darkness; it's ALL OVER him!"

Hermione tried to run to her boyfriend, but Blaise pulled her back. His heart pounded; it was Draco … but his inner wolf screamed Danger!

"Draco, what've you done?" Theo whispered. He fell to his knees in front of his friend. "You tried to push Hermione out, and you broke your soul–"

"He let the Darkness in?" Harry said incredulously. Theo and Ron nodded simultaneously.

Draco suddenly rose to his feet. He turned to Hermione, and she let out a cry.

His familiar silver eyes were gone; she was staring into two black, empty tunnels.

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