Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"Hurry up Noah, everyone will be here soon" Olivia calls from the kitchen to her son still fussing about in his bedroom. She was sorting out the last of the food wondering why on earth she had suggested cooking for so many people. She really should have just ordered something in and faked it.

The distraction hadn't been the worst thing in the world though once she had asked Elliot to join them. He'd come by the office to let her know he was back. He was done with Eddie ashes and the beard. She had to admit she was going to mourn that beard. She'd spent many nights alone in her bed thinking of how it would feel between her legs and she was sad she'd not get to experience it now.

She shakes her head slightly, noticing that her thoughts are wandering to dangerous territory. This will be the first time Elliot had been over since the drugged conversation about the letter and ever since that night she hasn't stopped thinking about what could have happened if he had been sober. When he touched her lips she wanted nothing more than to lean down and capture his, but of course it hadn't been the right time. Now though? He was back, he was Elliot and she had placed mistletoe in the doorway to her kitchen. Just in case.

There is a knock on the door and she wipes her hand on the tea towel before throwing it on the counter and walking across her living room to get it. She hopes it's Finn, he knows how to settle her nerves without her having to even tell him she's nervous. He knows more than anyone how nerve wracking tonight will be for her.

When she opens the door instead of finding Finn she finds elliot. He's in a suit, he had styled it casually with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and just the waistcoat with no tie but still she gulps as she slowly moves her eyes over every inch of his body.

Elliot stands still, a smirk forming on his face as he sees her eyes roam. It makes a nice change from her knowing looks when he can't keep his eyes to himself. She's got a dress on tonight, it's high and covering her cleavage but it's tight, clinging to her curves in all the right places and he knows she'll probably catch him looking many times before the night is over.

"I bought a bottle" he says finally interrupting her staring and she blinks up at him embarrassed at how blatant she had been. "Red" he continues handing the bottle of wine over.

"Thanks" she says, stepping aside and holding the door open for him to walk inside. "Can I get you a glass?"

"Sure" he replies as he walks into her sitting room. The last time he was here comes back to him and he's angry at himself for leaving it so long to tell her that he hadn't written the letter. That really he had always wished they were together. He had put it off for so long waiting for the perfect moment that he was worried he had just waited too long. That was the story of them though, always waiting.

He takes in his surroundings more this time. He looks at the photos on the walls, that blonde detective and some kids, a guy he didn't know in a baseball cap with Noah, Liv and Tucker...Tucker?! He doubles back and looks again at the photo. Theyre standing in front of the eiffel tower hand in hand. Olivia and Tucker. He didnt think he could process this tonight. It couldnt be what it looked like. She would never date that idiot surely? Had she really changed that much when he was gone? He moves away quickly from that area before she notices what he's seen, that's a conversation he doesn't need to start with everyone on their way.

"Here you go" he hears from behind him as he looks up at a photo of Liv and Noah, she's wearing a light blue dress and holding him in her arms. She looks so happy and he feels a stabbing in her heart that he missed all these moments. "It was his christening" she informs him when she notices where he is looking.

"You got him christened?" he asks her surprised as he turns around to take his drink from her.

"Yea" she nods. "I know i'm not a believer but if there is something out there I want him to be a part of it and you, you always showed that a man that believes in god and vows will always do the right thing, no matter what".

Her comment lays between them thickly. He didn't know if she was making a dig or praising him for being such an idiot. For still being an idiot. She takes a sip of her drink while looking up at him, daring him to reply. The problem was he didnt know what to reply and he was sure that no matter what he said it wouldn't be the right thing.

"Olivia, I…" but before he can say any more there's a knock at the door and he thinks this just proves God's existence.

"Hold that thought". She curses whoever is at the door as she turns to get it. She didnt know why she just admitted she had got her son christened because of the man that had abandoned her but once she had she felt he owed her something back, to say something just as vulnerable and silly because she was going insane never talking with him.

It had been months since his return to the City and they had got nowhere. Even after he came to her house there had been no further conversation about what was said and now he was here she had an urge to get something out of him.

She opens the door again to find Fin there this time. Of course he would be the one to interrupt this moment.

"Woah, not interrupting anything am I?" Fin jokes as he walks in and sees Elliot is the only one in the room. "Want me to go and walk around the block again? Give you some more time?" he laughs at his own joke and she grits her teeth embarrassed behind him as she shuts the door.

"You're an idiot, grow up" she throws at him and he looks at Elliot for them both to crack up laughing and she holds back her own laugh. She'd missed the three of them together, it had been a long time since Fin had been there to crack jokes about Elliot checking her out.

"You want a beer?" she asks him, making her way to the kitchen.

"Sure Cap" he replies as he makes his own way over to Elliot. She can hear them chatting away as she gets him a beer from the fridge.

"Fin!" Noah calls running past the kitchen and over to his uncle Fin.

"Finally decided to join us did you?" she asks walking back into the room, annoyed that he had ignored all her calls only to run out for Fin.

"Well now there's someone fun to hang out with" he says matter of factly shrugging and both men laugh at his response. She knows he didnt mean anything by it, he's probably bored of hanging out with his mother but she still feels a little offended.

"It's ok" Elliot says quietly as he stands next to her. She hadn't noticed his walk over to her and now he was only about a foot away from her. "I'll keep you company". She takes a large gulp of her wine after he speaks, not sure she trusts herself to reply, she can feel the heat radiating off him and the low tone of her voice makes her cheeks flush and her mind goes to what they'd be doing if they were here alone. What they could be doing one day?

"I have to check on the food" she quickly mumbles to him before walking back to the kitchen. Standing next to the over with its blaring heat still didn't make her feel as hot as when he was near her. She takes another long sip of her wine and mentally tells herself to calm down. The night hasn't even started yet. She decides he has to sit far away from her. Very far away.

--

The evening was going better than planned. She had managed to successfully cook for eight people. The food poisoning was yet to be determined but so far it was going well. Fin had given his excuses for Phoebe not being there and she was actually glad she didn't attend, with Carisi and Amanada now publicly all over each other she didn't know how she would feel stuck with Elliot as her date. Was this a date?

Amanda had got the camera out now, snapping photos of her and Carisi with the kids jumping behind them trying to photobomb, making them all laugh with the funny faces they were pulling behind her.

"Group photo!" she calls out, standing up to place her phone at the end of the table to fit them all in. "Liv go and stand by Elliot, it's a terrible angle there"

Liv turns to glare at Amanda wondering if she had done this purposely and the glint in her eye makes her think her suspicions are correct. She'd come a long way from the warnings about not being able to trust him. She wondered if Fin had spoken to her, explained their history.

She gets up though and walks over to him sitting at the head of the table, she stands behind him and even she knows how awkward she must look so she eventually puts her hands on her shoulders. Agreeing that was an acceptable post for the photo Amanda tells them all to say cheese and they all smile and shout.

She is reluctant to move her hands when the photo is taken, touching him feels electric and she thinks her hands may have fused to his body. She wants to lean forward, run them down his chest, feel his muscles, scrunch up the shirt he is wearing and remove it all. As her mind drifts thinking what she would like to do to him she doesn't notice as he moves his hand up to rest on hers until she can feel it. He rubs his thumb over the back of her hand and she feels goosebumps spread over her body.

She squeezes his shoulder reassuringly before stepping back and removing her hand. He lets out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. He had risked reaching out, being blatant in the way he touched her and she had reassured him. It was ok. Just not here, not now. A grin spreads across his face as he watches her walk back down to her seat at the other end of the table and he catches her eye and she smiles briefly in return before turning and talking to Noah.

--

"Let me help," Elliot offers as Liv starts to clear the table.

"It's fine, go and sit down". He hadn't waited for her to answer before he started collecting plates and following her into the kitchen.

"The most interesting person isn't at the table, I'd much rather help her collect dirty plates".

Liv feels her cheeks redden. Was she really blushing thanks to Elliot Stabler at her age?

"Shut up" she mutters at him not knowing how to respond.

"You wash and 'ill dry?" He offered and she nodded knowing he wasn't going to leave her to tidy up alone. They get into a rhythm in peaceful silence, just being together in such a domesticated way seems to speak enough for the both of them.

"Dinner was good" Elliot finally says when she passes him the last dish, "You finally learnt to cook?"

"I did," she laughs. "Not much but I figured Noah needed at least a few home cooked meals per week''.

She starts to tell him about her first cooking disasters and how the smoke alarm went off so much that her neighbours had complained. He watches her talk about being a mother and his heart feels full with joy for her. All of those years he wanted her to have this, all of those years a part of him wished he could be the one to give it to her. When Kathy had told him she was pregnant he saw their chance slip away, the thought of another child was terrifying but he knew if the mother of that child was Olivia he would have been over the moon, no matter his age or the fact he had children in college. He would have been the one to make Olivia's dreams come true.

She finishes telling him the story and the smile at each other, she knows what he is thinking but he speaks anyway.

"I'm glad it all worked out for you. You were born for this, he seems like a lovely kid".

They both turn to face Noah playing a game with everyone still sitting around the dining table. He didn't have any real family, she had been worried she wouldn't be enough but her squad had proved you didn't need to be blood to be family. They were there for every moment in her son's life and she was grateful everyday. Then there was Elliot. All of those years she spent wishing he could be a part of her son's life and now he was here she wasn't sure she could let him in. He had already left her, what if he did it again? Left her and Noah? This wasn't how she expected to feel all of those years she thought about him coming back to her.

"He is. He can be a typical kid but he's good''.

"I'm sorry I missed so much of your best years. Would they have been your best years if I was here though?" he muses out loud as he leans against the doorway and they both know the answer. No. Maybe she could still have got Noah but would any of the rest of it happened? Would she still be a detective too in love with her partner to ever think about leaving? She couldn't imagine leaving him properly, all those times she had run away she had always returned.

"It's fine. I got along just fine without you". She was offended he had called her out. Knowing that if he was there she wouldn't have moved on, fought for things. She'd have probably stayed there hoping one day that he would leave Kathy and be with her. The anger in her tone was evident and she knew she had to get out of that kitchen before she spilled too much with a room full of spectators a few feet away. Looking over to her guests she decides to use them as her escape. "Let's get back in shall we?"

As she passes him he moves himself to face her and grabs at her wrist stilling her in the doorway with him.

"I am sorry you know. For it all"

"I know," she says, barely audible. She doesn't linger though and she slips her wrist from his grasp and leaves him standing there as she walks back into the room. He lets out a heavy breath, closes his eyes and leans his back against the wall to take another deep breath. He didn't know how to go about this, he didn't want to keep apologising but he wanted her to know, needed her to know how sorry he was. It had eaten him up all these years as well. Probably more knowing he was the cause of it all.

He takes a minute to calm himself and remember to act casually in front of everyone in the room. When he opens his eyes his head is still back and he notices the mistletoe stuck to the ceiling. Had she thought he was going to kiss her? Was that why she had walked away? Or had she put it there so he would? He decides he will have to get her back in the kitchen and see