Chapter 95

Scarlett stood in front of her mirror. From where she stood, she could see herself down to her waist. She had already closed the windows and turned down the blinds. No one else was in the room with her and she had locked the door. Now, she slowly removed her clothes.

She had always been proud of her slim waist and her full bosom. But now, she could understand that her pride in her own beauty had always been through the eyes of some other man. In reality, she had been quite harsh on herself. She could see it now. She ran her palm across her chest to her neck and gripped her throat lightly. The sensation felt wonderful. She went to her wardrobe and pulled off her most expensive gown. She struggled into it without wearing any underclothing. This too seemed so wildly inappropriate and yet so thrilling. She felt so wicked and vile and yet since no one else knew, it seemed permissible in some way. And Rhett had started her on this track. She could always throw the blame on him. She strutted around and then pulled off her clothes. Now she climbed into the bed and the coolness of the sheets against her body was again very thrilling. She breathed very slowly, feeling so alive with every breath. Everything had always been about making other people see or become envious. Now she felt free from it all.

Scarlett did not realize that she was appearing lovelier to others in the following days. When the family sat together, Scarlett looked as if somehow the world around her had stopped revolving so fast and everyone and everything was slower and there was more around her to enjoy and appreciate.

This was particularly evident one morning when Rhett's brother and his wife had been invited for breakfast and the entire family was seated around the table in a sunny dining room. Rhett's brother was also tall, rather fair and had a handsome moustache. He could have been completely handsome except for his eyes which seemed to dart furtively across the room. It gave him a strange appearance- "Like a rat about to scurry into a hole at the first sign of trouble" thought Scarlett, curiously. She looked at the brother's wife. She looked very matronly and rather like a happy cow. She seemed to have a way of nodding to whatever was being said at the table and eat what was on her plate. Sometimes she did look like she had an opinion. But it seemed to Scarlett as though she decided every time to remain quiet to keep the peace- and whenever she did this, she always smiled meaningfully at Old Mrs. Butler as if this thoughtfulness on her part was something that everyone ought to admire.

"What a suck-up" thought Scarlett, annoyed. She looked around her side of the table. Rhett sat away from everybody else and as usual Rosemary sat directly opposite to her next to her younger brother.

Scarlett decided to ignore everyone and reached for the sugar.

"This sugar feels different" she thought. Scarlett twisted small bits of sugar between her fingertips, puzzled and fascinated by the larger than usual crystals which crumbled immediately by her touch. She was still occupied with this when she chanced to look up and saw Rosemary staring at her.

"This isn't the usual sugar, is it?" asked Scarlett, recovering herself and tipping the spoonful into her cup.

Rosemary looked at Rhett and then said softly, "Yes, it is different. That sugar is from Cuba. Rhett brought it here for Mother-"

"Oh, I see" replied Scarlett, smiling. "This sugar isn't like the one in the Cook's kitchen-"

The brother's wife suddenly gave a small gasp and covered her mouth with her handkerchief.

"Is everything so dull around here that we have to converse over something as ordinary as sugar?" asked Rhett's brother. He meant his tone to be light-hearted but it came off as a poorly veiled attempt at mockery.

Scarlett looked in Rhett's direction and saw that he hadn't followed anything that was being said. So, she turned to the brother and said, "I think these things aren't dull. After all our household runs on these things so we might as well know how much they are worth-"

"I suppose living on a plantation, you would have taken a keen interest in these things, Scarlett-" Rhett's brother looked pointedly at her. Scarlett could sense a faint baiting tone but before she could stop herself, she said, "Hardly, I took an interest in them myself-"

Rhett's brother stifled a smile and looked at his wife who frowned at him while also pressing her lips in an unnatural tight line.

Then Scarlett breathed harder and returned, "Why does everything have to be tied down to a place or a custom? I took an interest in the plantation because I loved my father very much. He was proud of Tara - that's our plantation's name. And Tara meant everything to him and he taught me to value it too. And everything I learnt was because I wanted him to be proud of me. Don't all children want to honour their fathers?"

Rhett's brother's face turned ashen at this surprising change of tactics. He dropped the conversation and continued eating. Rosemary smiled back at Scarlett and when Scarlett looked in Rhett's direction again, she found him looking keenly at her but she couldn't tell if he considered her as a friend or a foe.

A moment passed and suddenly Old Mrs. Butler's voice rang out proud and stolid like a rock of ages, "I agree with Scarlett. Children ought to respect their fathers and do whatever is necessary to uphold their memory in good grace. Spoken very well, my child."

Scarlett nodded towards Mrs. Butler for this unexpected support and beamed at Rhett. But she saw that he looked startled and suddenly angry. He looked from his mother to Scarlett sensing the obvious connection between them and wondering for the first time when all this had happened and how come he had not known about it. Scarlett looked down but even her mind could not helping thinking that since the family had suffered under Old Mr. Butler and the three children were divided over their father, her connection with Mrs. Butler was an extraordinarily quick route to gain domination over the entire family.

She glanced upwards and saw that Rhett had completely read her mind and a look of malevolence was flashing in his eyes.