Chapter 103

Scarlett walked across Rhett's room that night, wondering if he wanted her with him after those passionate kisses he had given before her outing. But she found the room closed and Rhett had gone somewhere for the night. She clicked her tongue in annoyance and decided to look after herself, especially since Rhett had already taught her how to. But when she changed for the night, her thoughts turned dutifully once again to old memories.

She decided that she had only wanted to provoke some strong feelings in Ashley. If she had cut up that China silk, it was only because she had wanted to feel admired for being able to give that. And Ashley did admire her. But-

Scarlett's face blackened. Ashley had admired her as if she were Belle Watling. When really she had been hoping for a strong, deep connection- the kind he had shared with Melanie. Melanie was sweet but she never had that successful glow about her. Wasn't that important? Melanie was thin and short, her hair, her clothes- she was such a weak little thing to look at. But she had been most favoured with Ashley.

Tears of self pity fell from Scarlett's eyes as she thought this. Because even that connection seemed strange since Melanie never knew till the end that Ashley had loved and depended on her.

"Perhaps that is how it is supposed to be" thought Scarlett, bitterly. "People doing things for each other and never telling each other how they feel or anything-" She thought it was silly how of all the people she wanted to make envious of, she had succeeded only with Rhett. He could deny it all he wanted but Scarlett knew he had been envious of herself and Ashley. And she couldn't understand why.

Rhett had everything here. A lovely house, a wonderful family- parties to attend, meetings, social visits- he could sail away to any country at anytime- But still he never enjoyed that lovely image he made for himself. The romantic blockader- that was the ideal picture she had first given him. He never tried to live up to it. And instead he was poking holes in hers. Why couldn't she be Lady Bountiful or at least a dignified Irish-Georgian Southern lady who had been very successful in life, owning a lovely house in Atlanta with two sweet children- It would all be true if only Rhett would give her another child-

But here, Scarlett stopped and laid a worried hand on her tummy. She had supressed the feelings of dread many times but now she gave vent to them. Just why wasn't she with a child? She had been with Rhett so many times. In the past, she had been so quick to have children- but now- now, she was barren. Was it because of that accident? Was it because of the broken rib?

Scarlett disliked thinking about this. She pushed the thought out of her mind. Here was Rhett arguing about her having another child and not realizing that she hadn't conceived at all in all the times they had been together. Just like Rhett to ignore that point.

She walked to the mirror and viewed herself. She looked all right on the outside. There wasn't any scar or bruise or anything visible over the side where her rib had fractured. Had it somehow punctured her womb and Dr. Meade hadn't known about it?

She told herself tat she would think about it later.

The next day was spent entirely at home. Scarlett and Rosemary walked around the gardens while Ella played with a few girls from the neighbourhood. Wade had gone somewhere with Rhett. Rhett wouldn't tell her and she did not ask him where.

Feeling a little dull, she decided to lift her own sour spirits by wearing the new day dress that had a ruffled and tiered skirt back. She also had a new parasol and some lace gloves to match. Rhett's brother and his wife were expected to lunch that day and the family was planning to attend a ball next week. It was a charity ball and would be rather sober but Scarlett didn't mind. Any opportunity to mingle with society was refreshing for her.

Rhett and Wade had returned for lunch and when Wade walked into the house, he looked very happy. Scarlett immediately asked him where he had been and Wade told her that he had made a few social calls with Rhett and then had gone aboard ship that Rhett used to own. Scarlett's face betrayed a distinct feeling of envy but this she supressed as quickly as possible. She had been hinting at travelling abroad for so long and had been ignored. Rhett could easily get her tickets and she could visit so many places with him.

She was in the library, mulling over this when Rhett walked inside. When Scarlett saw that he was smiling, she frowned and walked to the window. Rhett followed her, ignoring her mood and greeted her with a genial, "Scarlett, you look marvellous in that dress!"

Scarlett's spirits temporarily lifted. "Do you really think so? Its the latest fashion. Don't you think my taste has improved over the years?"

"Of course it has! You've been studying all the pointers I gave you." Rhett grinned a little and in the next moment he was kissing her. She knew the library door was open and anytime the family might walk in. And yet when she tried to push him away, he only seemed to relish her lips with greater intensity. He seemed to push her behind the voluminous drapes and she could feel his lips descending down her neck and to the clasp of her dress. His fingers reached up to undo the clasp and she finally managed to break free.

"Just what do you think you are doing?!" she cried, angrily smoothening her hair and dress. But the clasp had somehow loosened in that moment of passion and she could not set it just right.

Meanwhile the rest of the family walked in, chatting amongst themselves and Scarlett hardly had time to gather her composure. Rhett settled himself in the largest highbacked chair in the room and lit his cigar. He looked perfectly fine.

Rhett's brother seemed to be in high spirits too. He monopolised the conversation that afternoon while Mrs. Butler made polite replies whenever she was expected to. Rosemary was busy writing letters and Rhett occasionally eyed his brother with a hint of contempt and mockery in his gaze. But Scarlett found it difficult to concentrate. She was still unconsciously combing down her hair, imagining that her foray behind the curtains had somehow flattened the fashionable bun she wore on her head and covered her shoulders in dust. Her pulse was somehow racing rapidly and she could hardly keep still.

"Damn him!" cursed Scarlett, in her heart. "What is he playing at?!"

It was nightfall when Rhett's brother finally left and Scarlett, who had stifled the strong arousal of her senses with difficulty rushed to her room to give herself some relief. But once she was inside her room, she felt too embarrassed to continue. Yes, Rhett had taught her how to find pleasure on her own but once again, he made it so ridiculous. She couldn't keep finishing what he started. It made the entire thing meaningless. So, she finally wore her dressing gown and tiredly tramped up to Rhett's room. She knocked and heard a firm "Come in!"

She peered inside and saw that Rhett was already waiting for her. He smiled brightly and taking her elbow, he ushered her inside. "Don't trouble yourself by standing in doorways, Mrs. Butler. I knew you would come sooner or later. But I have to admit, I didn't think you'd show up tonight. I thought I'd have to keep doing what I did one more time before you finally summoned enough courage to embrace your better nature."

He drew up the most stiff-backed chair in the room and lit an extra candle on the table. Then he pulled up a chair opposite to her and sat down. "Now, lets have it-" he said, a faint gleam lighting up in his eyes.