Chapter 3
Four pov
Zeke takes the book.
THAT EVENING I return to my room and slide my hand beneath my mattress to make sure the gun is still there. My fingers brush over the trigger, and my throat tightens like I am having an allergic reaction. I withdraw my hand and kneel on the edge of the bed, taking hard swallows of air until the feeling subsides.
"You are going to be screwed if you can't touch a gun." Zeke states.
She is injured and has no real way of defending herself. Great.
What is wrong with you? I shake my head. Pull it together.
And that is what it feels like: pulling the different parts of me up and in like a shoelace. I feel suffocated, but at least I feel strong.
I hate that I can understand what she is feeling.
I see a flicker of movement in my periphery, and look out the window that faces the apple orchard. Johanna Reyes and Marcus Eaton walk side by side, pausing at the herb garden to pluck mint leaves from their stems. I am out of my room before I can evaluate why I want to follow them.
"Why are those two so close?" Zeke asks, directing the question at me.
"Like I know." I reply slightly annoyed.
"Marcus is the unofficial head of the council. Like Johanna he is kind of the mouthpiece. So he often goes to other factions to discuss things. Amity is one he frequents." Andrew answers.
I sprint through the building so that I don't lose them. Once I am outside, I have to be more careful. I walk around the far side of the greenhouse and, after I see Johanna and Marcus disappear into one row of trees, I creep down the next row, hoping the branches will hide me if either of them looks back.
"You just love to find trouble don't you." Uriah tells her teasingly. Tris rolls her eyes.
"… been confused about is the timing of the attack," says Johanna. "Is it just that Jeanine finally finished planning it, and acted, or was there an inciting incident of some kind?"
I see Marcus's face through a divided tree trunk. He presses his lips together and says, "Hmm." "I suppose we'll never know."
Johanna raises her good eyebrow. "Will we?"
"No, perhaps not."
Not unless we ask Jeanine politely to tell us.
Johanna places her hand on his arm and turns toward him. I stiffen, afraid for a moment that she will see me, but she looks only at Marcus. I sink into a crouch and crawl toward one of the trees so that the trunk will hide me. The bark itches my spine, but I don't move.
"Is there something going on between those two?" Shauna asks.
Let's hope not. I don't even think they can. They are in different factions and that just isn't allowed.
"I doubt it but there is definitely some flirting going on." Uriah replies.
"But you do know," she says. "You know why she attacked when she did. I may not be Candor anymore, but I can still tell when someone is keeping the truth from me."
"Johanna was Candor?!" Marlene exclaims.
"How did I not know that?" Christina says.
"Did anyone know that?" Will asks. Andrew and Max raise their hands.
"Well people often don't talk about the faction they were in before transferring." Andrew says by way of explanation.
"Inquisitiveness is self-serving, Johanna."
If I were Johanna, I would snap at him for a comment like that, but she says kindly, "My faction depends on me to advise them, and if you know information this crucial, it is important that I know it also so that I can share it with them. I'm sure you can understand that, Marcus."
"You would break his nose." I say my voice full of amusement. She laughs.
"There is a reason you don't know all the things I know. A long time ago, the Abnegation were entrusted with some sensitive information," says Marcus. "Jeanine attacked us to steal it. And if I am not careful, she will destroy it, so that is all I can tell you."
"So that's why they did it." Tori states.
"But what is it?" Will asks.
No one answers.
"But surely—"
"No," Marcus cuts her off. "This information is far more important than you can imagine. Most of the leaders of this city risked their lives to protect it from Jeanine and died, and I will not jeopardize it now for the sake of sating your selfish curiosity."
Johanna is quiet for a few seconds. It's so dark now I can barely see my own hands. The air smells like dirt and apples, and I try not to breathe it too loudly.
"I'm sorry," says Johanna. "I must have done something to make you believe I am not trustworthy."
"Oh my god that is such an Amity thing to apologize for." Zeke whines.
"The last time I trusted a faction representative with this information, all my friends were murdered," he replies. "I don't trust anyone anymore."
Did he ever trust anyone?
"He told Jeanine about it?" Andrew says, astonished.
"Was he not supposed to?" Tori asks.
"He wasn't, not yet." he replies.
So why would he tell Jeanine? Did Jeanine already know about it? She couldn't have if the abnegation guard it as closely as they say. So why did he tell her?
I can't help it—I lean forward so that I can see around the trunk of the tree. Both Marcus and Johanna are too preoccupied to notice the movement. They are close together, but not touching, and I've never seen Marcus look so tired or Johanna so angry. But her face softens, and she touches Marcus's arm again, this time with a light caress.
"Ok there has to be something going on here." Shauna exclaims, exasperated.
"Hopefully this is over soon." Uriah states making a gagging effect.
"In order to have peace, we must first have trust," says Johanna. "So I hope you change your mind. Remember that I have always been your friend, Marcus, even when you did not have many to speak of."
"Well the asshole doesn't deserve any friendship." Max states.
She leans in and kisses his cheek, then walks to the end of the orchard. Marcus stands for a few seconds, apparently stunned, and starts toward the compound.
"Okay yup definitely something." Zeke states making the same gagging effect Uriah did earlier.
The revelations of the past half hour buzz in my mind. I thought Jeanine attacked the Abnegation to seize power, but she attacked them to steal information—information only they knew.
Then the buzzing stops as I remember something else Marcus said: Most of the leaders of this city risked their lives for it. Was one of those leaders my father?
We all turn to him and he nods his head slightly.
Of course he would be one of them.
"What is it?" Tris asks, forever curious.
He shakes his head. He isn't going to tell us but we will probably figure it out later. This is probably going to be important.
I have to know. I have to find out what could possibly be important enough for the Abnegation to die for—and the Erudite to kill for.
"Page break"
I pause before knocking on Tobias's door, and listen to what's going on inside.
"No, not like that," Tobias says through laughter.
"Who would you be talking to?" Shauna asks.
"Caleb probably." He is the only person in amity I might talk to. Everyone else I can't stand.
"I thought you didn't like- trust him or whatever."
"I don't, doesn't mean I can't try to be nice. He is her brother." I reply. Can we please move on? I don't know how Tris feels about that and I'm not sure if this is upsetting to her.
"Ah you're doing it for her makes sense." Zeke chimes in.
"Oh shut up."
"What do you mean, 'not like that'? I imitated you perfectly." The second voice belongs to Caleb.
"It was Caleb." Marlene blurts out.
"You did not."
"Well, do it again, then."
I push open the door just as Tobias, who is sitting on the floor with one leg stretched out, hurls a butter knife at the opposite wall. It sticks, handle out, from a large hunk of cheese they positioned on top of the dresser. Caleb, standing beside him, stares in disbelief, first at the cheese and then at me.
They all laugh.
"Why is that so something you would do?" Tori says through laughter.
"Tell me he's some kind of Dauntless prodigy," says Caleb. "Can you do this too?"
"Hey he's not too far off with that one." Max states.
He looks better than he did earlier—his eyes aren't red anymore and some of the old spark of curiosity is in them, like he is interested in the world again. His brown hair is tousled, his shirt buttons in the wrong buttonholes. He is handsome in a careless way, my brother, like he has no idea what he looks like most of the time.
"With my right hand, maybe," I say. "But yes, Four is some kind of Dauntless prodigy. Can I ask why you're throwing knives at cheese?"
"You sure. Throwing at cheese is a lot different." I whisper to her my voice filled with amusement. I try to keep myself from laughing. She gives a small laugh trying to hold it back so the others don't notice. Sadly it was unsuccessful.
"What are you two whispering about?" Shauna asks.
"Nothing" She is going to say it.
"You two are adorable." There it is.
Tobias's eyes catch mine on the word "Four." Caleb doesn't know that Tobias wears his excellence all the time in his own nickname.
It still surprises me how thorough Tris' analysis of me is. I guess I shouldn't be but she catches the tiniest details and to her, those mean something.
"Caleb came by to discuss something," Tobias says, leaning his head against the wall as he looks at me. "And knifethrowing just came up somehow."
"He sooo came by to try to give you the big brother talk." Zeke states. I don't know why we all find this funny but we start dying of laughter.
"As it so often does," I say, a small smile inching its way across my face.
"It does though. You know how many conversations I have had that end up about knife throwing." Shauna says sarcastically.
"Still probably quite a few." I point out.
He looks so relaxed, his head back, his arm slung over his knee. We stare at each other for a few more seconds than is socially acceptable. Caleb clears his throat.
And once again we are left in hysterics.
"I swear this is just too funny." Zeke states amused. Everyone nods in agreement.
"Quick question." Will blurts out. "You don't like Caleb very much as you say, but it says you are relaxed why?"
I shrug, "Knife throwing is relaxing." He raises an eyebrow and some of the others laugh. I shake my head. "I'm not kidding. It is actually very calming."
"No offense but you are strange." he replies. I shrug.
"Anyway, I should be getting back to my room," Caleb says, looking from Tobias to me and back again.
"Aw, someone wants to leave." Zeke says mockingly.
"I'm reading this book about the water-filtration systems. The kid who gave it to me looked at me like I was crazy for wanting to read it. I think it's supposed to be a repair manual, but it's fascinating." He pauses. "Sorry. You probably think I'm crazy too."
"Oh yeah definitely crazy." Uriah states.
"Not at all," Tobias says with mock sincerity. "Maybe you should read that repair manual too, Tris. It sounds like something you might like."
Tris smacks me playfully on the arm and I laugh.
"Oh you are dead later." Shauna teases.
"I can loan it to you," Caleb says.
"Maybe later," I say. When Caleb closes the door behind him, I give Tobias a dirty look.
"Yup, definitely dead." Shauna says, nodding her head.
"Thanks for that," I say. "Now he's going to talk my ear off about water filtration and how it works. Though I guess I might prefer that to what he wants to talk to me about."
"Oh? And what's that?" Tobias quirks his eyebrows. "Aquaponics?"
"Huh,"
"Do you know what that is or did he lecture you on it?" Marlene asks.
"It's one of the ways Amity grows their food. You don't want to know." I answer.
"How the hell do you know that?" Uriah asks. I shrug in reply.
"Aqua-what?"
"Same Tris." Uriah says.
"It's one of the ways they grow food here. You don't want to know."
"You're right, I don't," I say. "What did he come to talk to you about?"
"You," he says. "I think it was the big-brother talk. 'Don't mess around with my sister' and all that."
"We were right." Zeke says chuckling.
He gets up.
"What did you tell him?"
He comes toward me.
"I told him how we got together—that's how knife-throwing came up," he says, "and I told him I wasn't messing around."
"I don't think he understands what messing around even entails." Shauna says, trying to hide an obvious laugh. Zeke is not so subtle and bursts into laughter after the comment. Making her start laughing also.
I feel warm everywhere. He wraps his hands around my hips and presses me gently against the door. His lips find mine.
I don't remember why I came here in the first place.
And I don't care.
I wrap my uninjured arm around him, pulling him against me. My fingers find the hem of his T-shirt, and slide beneath it, spreading wide over the small of his back. He feels so strong.
He kisses me again, more insistent this time, his hands squeezing my waist. His breaths, my breaths, his body, my body, we are so close there is no difference.
My cheeks are stained red, Tris' as well. This is awful. The kissing scenes read aloud with everyone including her parents listening is just awful.
He pulls back, just a few centimeters. I almost don't let him get that far.
"This isn't what you came here for," he says.
"No."
"What did you come for, then?"
"Who cares?"
I push my fingers through his hair, and draw his mouth to mine again. He doesn't resist, but after a few seconds, he mumbles, "Tris," against my cheek.
"Okay, okay." I close my eyes. I did come here for something important: to tell him the conversation I overheard.
We sit side by side on Tobias's bed, and I start from the beginning. I tell him how I followed Marcus and Johanna into the orchard. I tell him Johanna's question about the timing of the simulation attack, and Marcus's response, and the argument that followed. As I do, I watch his expression. He does not look shocked or curious. Instead, his mouth works its way into the bitter pucker that accompanies any mention of Marcus.
Why can't I just escape the bastard?
"Like the look on his face right now." Tori states drawing the attention to me.
Tris looks up to me "Yup that's the face." I shake my head a little in exasperation and try to redawn my emotionless mask.
"How are you so good at doing that?" Christina says. I'm not sure if the comment is meant as rude or if she is just being clueless right now.
"I have had a lot of practice." Nobody says anything to that.
"Well, what do you think?" I say once I finish.
"I think," he says carefully, "that it's Marcus trying to feel more important than he is."
That was not the response I was expecting.
"So … what? You think he's just talking nonsense?"
"Do you?" Will asks.
"More or less. I am not the right person to be asking that question. My answer is probably extremely biased." I state turning this over in my head. There is definitely something the Erudite were after to maybe provoke the attack but I also don't really believe my father has good intentions. He may just be keeping it to hold over people.
"So you don't think Tris should listen to your opinion." he states.
"Again more or less. I'm glad she told me about it, but my opinion is probably not unbiased." I say it in a tone closer to my Four tone but not quite so they drop it.
Tris moves closer to me and whispers "We'll need to talk later." I give a subtle nod. We always end up needing to talk after a day of reading.
"I think there probably is some information the Abnegation knew that Jeanine wanted to know, but I think he's exaggerating its importance. Trying to build up his own ego by making Johanna think he's got something she wants and he won't give it to her."
Max snorts "May just be both."
"I don't …" I frown. "I don't think you're right. He didn't sound like he was lying."
"You don't know him like I do. He is an excellent liar."
He is right—I don't know Marcus, and certainly not as well as he does. But my instinct was to believe Marcus, and I usually trust my instincts.
Just trust your instincts Tris, they are usually right.
I am right though on one thing. I do know Marcus better than most people. I am one of the few who have actually seen both sides of him.
"Maybe you're right," I say, "but shouldn't we find out what's going on? Just to be sure?"
"I think it's more important that we deal with the situation at hand," says Tobias. "Go back to the city. Find out what's going on there. Find a way to take Erudite down. Then maybe we can find out what Marcus was talking about, after this is all resolved. Okay?"
"I think both of you may be right." Tori says "Both seem important in different ways."
"Who knows they might intertwine." Max adds.
I nod. It sounds like a good plan—a smart plan. But I don't believe him—I don't believe it's more important to move forward than to find out the truth. When I found out that I was Divergent … when I found out that Erudite would attack Abnegation … those revelations changed everything. The truth has a way of changing a person's plans.
She is right, and she might end up being right about all of this. But both ways don't seem perfect I don't know.
But it is difficult to persuade Tobias to do something he doesn't want to do, and even more difficult to justify my feelings with no evidence except my intuition.
So I agree. But I do not change my mind.
"End of chapter."