Chapter Three: How the Bitch Saved My Life

"Good morning!"

I cracked open my eyes to the sight of Cruz's grinning face. Subdued daylight shined through the Frog Temple's open entryway, and I could hear the soft patter of rainfall. Yawning, I sat up and stretched.

"Yawn alert!" Cruz exclaimed, gesturing for Gino to pass the bong. "Gotta fix that."

"In what way does a yawn suggest that I'm broken?" I asked.

Thankfully, Cruz chimed in before Tami could bring us back to our earlier standoff. "Yawning means going back to sleep, and sleeping means less hanging out!" Cruz brought the bong up to his mouth and blew out the ash. "It's simple logic." He then pulled out his grinder, tipping some of the cannabis into the slider. "Simple math." He held the repacked Mary J. Magdelene out to me. "Now tell me this isn't the solution to every problem in your life."

I accepted the bong and lit the cannabis, taking a deep bubbling rip. "This isn't the solution to every problem in my life."

"No, it is the solution," giggled Cruz.

"That's not what you told me to say."

"He's right, Cruz, it's not," interjected Gwen, who took the bong from me. "You gave a command in the negative."

"It wasn't a command, it was a dare." Cruz spoke animatedly with his hands. "A dare to look me in the eye and tell the biggest lie on Earth."

"If you wanted the truth, why ask him to lie?" Tami accepted the bong from Gwen, took a rip, and passed it to Gino. "Fallacies."

"Phalluses?" asked Gino.

"Every time you open your mouth," said Tami, "the world's IQ plummets."

"You've enjoyed my open mouth in the past," Gino retorted, enjoying his turn with the bong before giving it to Cruz. "Your neurons were definitely lighting up."

Tami looked like she wanted to throw up.

When Mary J. Magdalene returned to me, I hesitated, glancing around the Lotus chamber. "Where's Theo?"

"He stepped outside a few minutes ago," Gwen replied. "Said he had to take a call."

I shrugged, taking another rip. "Guess he doesn't mind standing in the rain. His loss."

"So, last night I had another wild dream," announced Cruz.

"You still dreaming about that golden city?" Gwen asked, which got my attention.

"It's the only thing I dream about," Cruz explained, repacking Mary J. Magdalene. "But this dream was wild. You were there," Cruz nodded to me. "You too, Tami. And Anna Carrero, of all people. You were all sleeping, but I was awake, and I looked up into the sky over this golden city, and in the sky I see trippy clouds."

"Trippy clouds?" I asked. This ought to be good. "Do tell."

"The clouds showed me visions, like," Cruz took a deep bong rip, exhaling a milky cloud of smoke. "I looked into the clouds and saw visions. I saw a vision of Theo flying through the air around some kind of massive marble castle. Like, marble the stone, not a castle made out of individual marbles, that would be inefficient. But it was sick, I mean, Theo was like an airbender. There were other clouds, too, with different visions. I saw a purple city getting wrecked by red lightning, I saw a golden throne room with blood all over the floor, but the weirdest part of the whole thing was you."

"Me?" I asked.

"Yeah you, I'm looking right at you," said Cruz. "In my dream I saw you in one of those trippy clouds, and you were all all translucent and red and ghostly, and you had wings."

I stared at Cruz for a few seconds, blank-faced and silent, before breaking down into a messy fit of laughter. I mean, I've heard Cruz say some pretty whacked-out things, but this, this took the cake. Fuck, it took the entire bakery.

"Hey, I think it's ridiculous too." Cruz shrugged. "I dreamed what I dreamed. Theo! Welcome back!"

I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Theo duck back inside from whatever he'd been doing out in the rain. "Did you fall asleep on the toilet again?" I asked him.

"Nope," replied Theo, shedding his coat and setting down his umbrella. "I was just standing out in the rain and enjoying myself." He produced my phone from his pocket and placed it on the floor next to me. "Here you go."

Instinctively my hands flew to the pocket where I kept my phone, and of course the pocket was empty, because, "You took my phone?" I snatched up my phone, swiping across the screen to gain access. "What did you do?"

"Nothing, really."

"Theo." I flipped frantically through the various open apps, trying to find the sabotage. "What did you do."

"I didn't do anything," Theo said. "You, however, as you can see in your PalHassle logs, have asked Cass Galavis out on a date."

"WHAT?" As the others broke down into uproarious fits of laughter, I tore into PalHassle. Sure enough, to my horror, there was a newly created conversation thread with none other than Cass Galavis. I tapped the conversation and quickly read through it, frowning at how unnervingly well Theo had managed to capture my written voice. My eyes widened slowly as I reached the end. "She said yes? Is this a dream?"

"He fuckin' did it!" Gino wheezed between laughs. "I didn't think he'd actually do it! Theo, you fuckin' rule."

"Was everyone in on this?" I did my best to hide my hatred of Gino's laughing, and probably did not fully succeed. "You assholes."

"Oh, pssssh." Tami slowly extended a middle finger, as if it were being inflated by her sound effect.

"Look, do you want to go on a date or not?" Theo reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "If you want, I can call Cass right now and explain everything."

"No!" I snatched Theo's phone from his hand, holding the phone hostage with a finger-gun. "Don't you dare, or I'll shoot."

It was around seven in the evening when I returned home.

After hanging out at Cruz's for the morning and afternoon, it came time to say goodbye, and I gave Theo a ride back to Liongate on the way home.

I still had the house to myself. My sister wasn't going to be back until early Monday morning, on account of whatever the hell she was up to. I rarely knew, these days, or cared much, because I enjoyed my alone time.

Retiring to my bedroom, I quickly finished off the sheet of math homework that I'd been given on Friday. Sometimes I didn't bother, which always resulted in a frantic effort to fill in the answers during class, so this was truly a gift to my future self. When I completed the homework, I gathered my things and put them into my backpack, preparing for school tomorrow morning.

Although it was well before my normal bedtime, I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and I was tired. So I went to bed.

When my alarm went off at six in the morning, it felt as if no time had passed at all. I opened my eyes, rubbing them blearily as I got out of bed and changed into a fresh set of clothes. Next came my sweatshirt, jacket, and then my backpack. Exiting my bedroom, I went downstairs to the kitchen and enjoyed a quick pop tart for breakfast. Then I was out the front door and into the rain, locking up behind me and climbing into Little Blue.

There was no Hans Zimmer for today's morning drive to school. How could I possibly embrace the music of a living god when I was busy wondering what the hell Cass Galavis and I were going to talk about on our date tonight? Canceling definitely wasn't an option, so I had no choice but to come up with ideas before my 5th Period study hall, which I shared with Cass. I have to talk to her during study hall. How weird would it be to ask someone out and then completely avoid them?

Partway through the drive, as I turned onto Route 113, I heard a loud BOOM which I could feel even through the bottom of the car. "WOOHOO!" I screeched, energized by the suddenness of the sonic explosion. That had to be the loudest thunderclap I've ever experienced. Assuming it was a thunderclap, and not another terrorist attack.

Within twenty minutes, I was pulling into Downingtown East High School's lower lot, no closer to coming up with any viable conversation starters. I locked the car and walked the short distance into school, stopping at my locker to leave my jacket and car keys. As I shut my locker door, the bell rang over the loudspeakers, heralding the beginning of 1st Period.

My 1st Period class was Theater Arts, which was awesome, and made 1st Period bearable. From there, I turned off my brain during 2nd Period Geometry and 3rd Period Biology. I know what circles and triangles are, and I don't care about mitochondria. 4th Period lunch was much more enjoyable.

For today's lunch, I got two tacos from the cafeteria. Over the course of our friendship and shared school lunches, Theo had taught me the art of drowning out the taste of cafeteria food with the right balance of hot sauce, mustard, and vinegar. Theo actually shared my lunch period, but for some reason he was absent from school today. Maybe he was still sleeping off his first cannabis experience? It's not as if he would be hung over.

If Theo was sick, I really hoped the rest of us didn't catch it from sharing a bong so many times. After finishing my first taco, I pulled out my phone to check PalHassle, and speak of the devil, there were several new messages from Theo, and he was still online. Immediately I began tapping a response.

-turbulentGamer began hassling anomalousThespian at 10:23-

TG: I know you might not see this for a little while
TG: But I'm alive
TG: I know it doesn't seem possible but I'm not dead

AT: what are you talking about?

TG: Dude
TG: Haven't you heard anything about my neighborhood

AT: what?
AT: no, i've been pretty out of it this morning
AT: still feeling some of the residuals from yesterday.

TG: I got the sburb beta in the mail yesterday
TG: I wanted to wait for you but I was still stoned last night
TG: So I installed the game and played a bit with Gwen
TG: We figured out that it's possible to daisy-chain our server-to-client connections
TG: Gwen connected with me but you could connect with Gwen
TG: And then someone else could connect with you

AT: oh SHIT I just remembered
AT: I forgot to check the mail AGAIN!
AT: my sburb disks are probably in the mailbox right now.
AT: lol
AT: I'll probably end up installing it tomorrow.

TG: NO!
TG: No you have to do it as soon as possible
TG: Your life depends on it

AT: theo I know you said the game is awesome
AT: but I'm at school, and later I'm going on the date with Cass
AT: the date YOU arranged
AT: I'm not gonna have time to play today.

TG: Listen to me
TG: I don't think I'm on Earth anymore
TG: This game kills you if you don't finish the intro
TG: You need to skip school and get the game installed

-anomalousThespian is no longer hassling turbulentGamer-

"Ballsack…" I muttered under my breath as my connection with Theo failed. The internet was iffy all throughout the school, but the cafeteria and auditorium area was practically a dead zone. It's a miracle our conversation lasted as long as it did. No matter. Whatever he had to say could wait until I got home.

I picked up my second taco and leaned in to take a bite, when I was interrupted by the last voice in the universe I wanted to hear: "Heeey."

The Bitch was sitting across the lunch table from me, regarding me with an amusement that rubbed me the wrong way.

"Shit." I jolted in surprise, flustered at having been caught so completely off guard. "Why the fuck are you haunting me?"

"Still salty? I get it." Without breaking eye contact, Anna leaned across the lunch table, and said, "Listen to me if you want to live."

I frowned. "Are you trying to role play? Is that what's happening right now?"

"Go on your date with Cass," Anna said, and I stared at her open mouthed. How the fuck did she know about that? "Yeah, I know about your date with Cass, and I also know you both share a study hall next period," Anna continued. "You can totally convince her to skip the rest of today's classes. I know for a fact she's open to it. Ask her out, have fun, but be sure to get home quickly and play Sburb after, or you will literally die."

"Oh god, you're playing Sburb too?"

"Don't be a dick," said Anna. "I'm saving your life. Leave the school building before 6th Period. Understand?"

"Are you planning a mass shooting?" I asked. "This isn't funny. Please go away."

"Not until I hear you say it."

"I understand."

"Good." Anna stood up. "Remember. Get out before 6th Period."

Without another word, the Bitch left, leaving me slightly shellshocked.

In most of my interactions with Anna Carrero, she was either drunk, or she was trying to toy with me. But this had been an entirely new level of weird.

I finished my second taco in silence. With several minutes remaining before the 5th Period bell, I put my tray back and ducked out of the cafeteria, heading into the nearby bathrooms. After peeing into one of the urinals and flushing, I walked over to the sinks and washed my hands, and as I looked up at myself in the mirror, I saw a familiar shadowy figure standing behind me.

"Fuck!" I turned around, only to find the Phantom had vanished. What the fuck was that? I was certain I'd seen something and wasn't just making it up, and I've seen it before. I looked back at the mirror, but all it showed me now was the normal empty bathroom it should have fucking showed me last time. "Fuck this."

I got the hell out of the bathroom without bothering to dry my hands, just in time for the 5th Period bell.

My 5th Period study hall was just down the hall in the auditorium. I made my way there quickly before the hallways could clog up with the flood of students leaving the cafeteria, choosing a seat in the back of the auditorium to sit.

The auditorium was very spacious. At the front of the room was the stage, where our theater productions, music concerts, and school assemblies took place. In the very back was the tech booth, where the stage manager and sound board operator would sit. Gradually, the auditorium filled with the dozens of other students who shared my 5th Period study hall. The handful of teachers assigned to us started doing their roll calls, and I remained in my seat until my name was called. I raised my hand and said, "Here."

Once I was marked down as present, I cast my gaze about the auditorium for a few moments, and then I found her.

Cass Galavis was sitting towards the front of the auditorium, close to the stage. She was wearing earbuds. My heartbeat increased.

Fuck. Okay. This was it.

I forced myself to stand up.

No need to rush. I can always sit back down and do this another day. I could always just listen to some music.

"Nope." I took a deep breath and walked myself, one footstep at a time, down the nearest aisle until I found myself standing next to Cass's chosen row of seats. She was listening intently to her music, and did not notice me. Good god, how was I supposed to get her attention? Maybe I should just let her listen to music uninterrupted. Would I enjoy being interrupted mid-song? Depends on the song, really.

I stepped into the row and sat down two seats away from Cass. One seat away would be too bold without invitation. Even so, two seats away was close enough for Cass to notice my arrival, and she gave a bit of a start, plucking out her earbuds. "Sorry, did I startle you?"

"Yes." Cass put one of her earbuds back in, resuming her music. "No apology necessary."

"What are you listening to?"

"You probably wouldn't know it."

"Try me."

"It's a beautiful piece of music called the Penny Whistle Song."

My eyes widened with excitement. "As in, the Penny Whistle Song from The Power of One soundtrack?!"

Cass smiled faintly. "You know it?"

"Of course I know it," I said, beaming, "it's Hans freaking Zimmer! Hans Zimmer is a living god."

"It wasn't only Hans Zimmer," Cass reminded me. "It was also Lebo M. In fact, Hans Zimmer and Lebo M. collaborated again just two years after the Power of One, using many of their old melodies, and the result of that next collaboration was The Lion King."

"I know, it's so fucking awesome!" I put a hand over my mouth and glanced around. Fortunately, none of the teachers had noticed or cared about my borderline screaming. "Barely anyone seems to know about The Power of One soundtrack, which is too bad, because I think it's even better than The Lion King. It's less Western."

"Oh, before I forget to tell you later." Cass plucked out her earbud and pocketed her ipod. "When we were messaging yesterday and made plans for tonight, I completely forgot that I have chess club after school, and I will need to spend the rest of the evening studying for my physics test tomorrow. I still want to have our planned excursion, but we will have to do it on another day. Is your weekend free, at all?"

I was silent, processing this new turn of events, wondering if Anna had known about this and withheld the information during lunch. God damn it. No, I did not want to wait until the weekend. That's freaking five days away! I'll lose my nerve by then and everything will be ruined.

"Why don't we go right now?" The words were already tumbling out of my mouth before my overanxious mind could lock them away.

The die is cast. We've crossed the motherfucking Rubicon.

"Now?" Cass blinked, doing some processing of her own. "As in, right now?"

"Sure. Why not? My car is parked in the lower lot. It'll be an adventure."

"The Odyssey was an adventure." Cass hadn't said no, which was a good sign. "Adventures are when plans go off the rails. Almost everyone died in the Odyssey. "

"Well, unlike Odysseus, I won't be a fucking idiot and taunt the Cyclops. Problem solved. Have you ever explored Main Street over by the Exton Mall?"

"Can't say I have. Are you suggesting we go there?"

"It's lovely," I said. "It's a good place for gallivanting. If you haven't eaten lunch yet, I know a cheap buffet at Main Street called China Grill. The food is amazing, they have a very wide selection, and if you thought there was no way for me to make this perfect situation impossibly more perfect..." I leaned in a bit more closely for dramatic effect. "They have a chocolate fountain."

Cass laughed quietly, which made me feel like I was on Olympus. After a silence which spanned a hundred eternities stacked on top of each other in a cosmic warehouse filled with thousands of identical eternity-stacks, Cass gave a single nod and said, "Okay."

"Okay?" I blinked. "As in, okay, I acknowledge there is a chocolate fountain, or okay I want to cut class with you?"

"The latter." Cass looked at me with a newfound curiosity. "Though I do need to stop by my locker to grab my coat and books."

Holy crap. This was happening? Is there a god?

"Well, alrighty then." I stood up, stepping into the aisle. "Meet me at the exit by the TV studio."

Magic is real. This is the only explanation. Magic is real. Maybe Santa is, too, I mean, clearly anything is possible now.

In a daze, I hurried to my locker and opened it up, retrieving my jacket. Cass met me by the nearby exit, holding her umbrella.

Together Cass and I stepped outside into the balmy, rainy April afternoon. Cass offered me space under her umbrella, which I gladly accepted. I enjoyed walking in the rain, but sharing an umbrella with Cass Galavis was a precious gem of an experience. We crossed the bus lane and headed down to the lower student parking lot, where Little Blue awaited.

"Is this your first time skipping?" I asked as we approached Little Blue, fumbling inside my pocket for my car keys.

"If you don't count sick days," Cass replied. "I don't go out very much. What is there to do?"

"It's Downingtown, there's tons of stuff to do." My keys weren't in my pockets. I shrugged off my backpack and opened it, rummaging around for the keys. "You can stare at fields. Then you can stare at other fields. Or you can go into town and stare at the Brandywine Creek."

Cass smiled again, and I felt blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Um." I wanted to shatter a continent with my fists, because Little Blue's keys weren't in my backpack. "Well, Cass, we're off to such a good start that I left the car keys in my locker." God fucking damn it. In my excitement, I'd grabbed my jacket from my locker without bothering to make sure the keys hadn't fallen out, which has happened several times already.

"I guess you better hurry back, then," said Cass. "Unless you're asking me to push the car to Exton?"

"Of course not." I placed my backpack on the roof of Little Blue. "Although I do think you're badass enough to pull it off. I'll be back in a sec!"

I hurried back across the parking lot, muttering under my breath. I could be sharing a car with Cass Galavis right now if I hadn't forgotten to check for the stupid motherfucking car keys. FUCK.

"Calm down, get a hold of yourself," I murmured to myself, gently miming the slap and giving it an appropriate sound effect.

As I stepped onto the bus lane surrounding the school building, a deep earth-shattering rumble suddenly split the sky. I glanced up just in time to see a blazing object roar through the rain clouds, bright enough to force my gaze back down.

Before my very eyes, Downingtown East High School vanished in an explosion of light and fire, and in the mere moments I had before unconsciousness took hold, I felt myself being lifted off the ground by the shockwave and hurled through the air.