A/N: Hello! Again, I'm sorry I abandoned you for so long, but as you are about to realize this chapter is ridiculously long and it took me longer to write than I thought (even if I already had it all planned). I really hope you enjoy it, it's nine months in the making. We are almost done with the first half of the story!
Three months later…
March 2nd, 2015
It was like every other morning at Residual Heat's headquarters. Beca, as usual, was at the coffee station unpacking some burritos and sodas from a bag. In that moment, Sammy entered the room and opened the fridge.
"Dax," he muttered, frustrated. "I swear, if that kid wasn't my nephew—"
Beca knew he was busy and that it was probably not a good time, but she couldn't wait for Sammy's answer anymore.
"Hey, um," she said, as he was about to leave. "I know you are crazy busy, but have you had a chance to check out those demos?"
"Yeah, yeah I did."
He said nothing else. Beca's hands began to sweat.
"This dead air between us is a good sign." She forced a smile. However, his face remained impassive.
"Look, you have a great ear. You proved that in the booth. I was super excited to hear what else you had, but what you gave me was more mash ups."
"That's sort of what I do," she said, trying not to sound too defensive.
"Listen, Reggie —is it Reggie?"
"Beca," she corrected him. "That happens lot though. You'd be surprised."
"Here's the thing: any kid with ears and a laptop can do that. Dax can do that, alright? So, that's fine if you want a career deejaying raves out in the desert, but if you want to write 'music producer' on your tax forms someday, then you've got to have an original voice, you understand? You gotta show me what you have. Right now, what I have is a demo with mashups on it."
Beca's hopes began to crumble. However, she did her best not to show.
"Yeah, yeah, I have lots of stuff to say," she tried to sound as confident as she could. "I'm just, like, saving it all up."
"So you are an intern, everybody else in here is an intern. You are talented, everyone else in here is talented. So what the hell makes you special? You know what I mean?" She nodded. "That's good. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you one more shot to show me who you are as an artist, okay? Do not waste it."
"No sir, I will not waste it."
"I really hope you don't for your sake, because I'd hate to think that singing covers in an a Cappella group is all you can do."
He walked away, leaving Beca completely dejected.
Beca came home feeling as if a tractor had run over her. She went straight to her bedroom and climbed into bed, and immediately turned on her laptop. She was determined to come up with a fascinating project for Sammy to listen, but as soon as she opened her music app she heard someone climbing up the stairs.
Damn it, I forgot to lock the door.
She caught a glimpse of red hair, immediately followed by Chloe's jovial voice.
"Hi Beca. You are home early."
"My class got cancelled."
She was telling the truth, although she still hadn't told her friend about her internship.
"Mine too. Apparently, the teacher has the Flu or something." Chloe sat on the edge of Beca's bed. "What are you doing?"
"I'm… I'm working on the set."
"Oh, cool! That gig is the perfect practice for the Worlds. We can't mess this up, Beca. There's too much at stake."
"Yeah, I'm aware of that. But thank you for reminding me."
Beca wasn't in the mood to talk to her friend but she tried not to sound too cranky. However, unfortunately for her, Chloe was very perceptive.
"Is something wrong, Beca? You seem a bit angry."
"I'm okay, it's just I have a lot in my mind right now."
"Is this about Jesse? Are you still upset because he left?"
"No, I'm not."
"Because it'd be completely normal if you are. It's only been three weeks."
"Chlo, I don't mean to be rude, but I really don't wanna talk about it."
"I'm just saying I understand what you are going through," Chloe said, as she put her hand on Beca's shoulders. "I know exactly how you feel."
Beca rolled her eyes. There was nothing that bothered her more than people pretending to know how she felt.
"I don't think so."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't. And the fact that you think you do bothers me just a little."
"Well, I guess I would know if you told me."
"Well, I'm not sure I want to," Beca said, this time much more defensive.
"Why? Why don't you wanna tell me what's going on?"
"Because there's nothing going on!" Beca snapped. "Look, Jesse is gone. I'll probably never gonna see him again. It sucks, yeah, but those are the facts, and there's nothing I can do about it. He is in LA and I'm stuck here, and that's all there is to it. Period. Happy now?"
She was breathing heavily.
"I'm just trying to help, Beca," Chloe said, hurt. "I'm your friend and I care about you."
"If you really wanna help, leave me alone," Chloe looked at her with surprise. "I'm serious. Please, go."
Chloe stood up and walked to the door.
"It was never my intention to make you angry," she said before leaving the room. "I'm sorry."
As soon as Chloe closed the door behind her, Beca felt extremely guilty for yelling at her friend. After all, Chloe only wanted to make sure she was okay. However, it was too late to apologize.
Besides, apologizing had never been her strong suit.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again…
Beca was getting extremely frustrated. She had been working on her project for almost twelve hours and she still didn't have anything. She just kept hitting middle C on her piano app in a desperate attempt to come up with something valuable, without success. Her inspiration had vanished at the worst possible moment, and she didn't know what to do to recover it. She felt overcomed by the sense of hopelessness and closed her laptop, and picked her phone to call Jesse. She knew it was weak of her to call him, especially since she was still upset at him for leaving, but she was desperate to talk to him. The whole situation was overwhelming, and she needed to talk to someone who knew her and understood what was bothering her.
Unfortunately for Beca, the call went straight to voice mail.
"Hey, it's Jesse. Text me."
Beca quickly remembered it was two in the morning in Los Angeles, not the most appropriate time to call someone. Still it was nice to hear his voice, even if it was a simple recording. She thought about hanging up, but she decided to leave a message instead.
"Hey, it's me. You probably won't be able to hear this message because, as it turns out, I have nothing to say. That's music industry speak for 'I suck'," a nervous smile appeared on her face. "You are definitely sleeping right now, that's cool," she made a small pause, thinking in what else to add. "Text me when you are up."
She ended the call just as Fat Amy climbed up the stairs.
The next day, Beca woke up at noon. She was still cranky from the previous night, but she wasn't surprised. Lately, she was only either cranky or exhausted.
She grabbed her phone from her nightstand and was disappointed to see Jesse hadn't returned her call. Perhaps he didn't know what to say or how to act –or worse, he didn't care. She left her phone on her bed and took a quick shower. She was starving, so instead of putting herself to work she went to the dining hall. When she returned to her room, she saw she had a new voicemail from Jesse.
"Hey Beca, is everything okay? I just heard your message and I got worried. I guess you are the one sleeping now. Anyway, please call me."
At first, Beca had doubts about calling him. She was vulnerable and in a difficult place, and perhaps calling her ex-boyfriend (or was he still her boyfriend?) was probably not a good idea. Still, she dialed Jesse's number and waited for him to answer the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
"Becs, hi. Listen, I'm sorry I didn't answer your call last night, but I was sleeping."
"Don't apologize, I shouldn't have called you. It's not appropriate to call someone at two in the morning."
"Yeah, but you are not just 'someone'. You sounded upset on your message. What's wrong?"
"I had a small problem at work. It was nothing."
"Come on, Beca, you don't have to pretend with me; I'm not your dad. Tell me what happened."
It was true that, with Jesse, she didn't need to lie, but that was when they were a couple. Things between them were different now, and Beca didn't want to seem vulnerable. However, she desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who understood her and wouldn't judge her.
"You remember I gave Sammy some of my demos for him to listen?"
"Yeah."
"It took him almost six months, but he did check them out."
"And what did he say?"
"Well, he practically told me I don't have enough talent to be a music producer."
"What?"
"His exact words where: 'if you want to write 'music producer' on your tax forms someday, then you've got to have an original voice'. Then he asked me what the hell made me especial as an artist, and he said he would give me another chance and that I shouldn't waste it."
As she repeated Sammy's words, Beca realized how much they had hurt her.
"I see."
"I wasn't able to say anything to him, I just stood there like an idiot. I don't know what to do now, Jess. My future is hanging off the cliff, and what if my career is over before it even begins? I feel like I've hit rock bottom."
"Look, Becs, it's Sammy's job to discourage you. He is your boss, he is supposed to pressure you and to push you off your limits. I know he is a big shot in the industry and that he has a lot of experience, but this time he made a mistake. I have heard your work, and it is amazing. You are the most talented person I know; you are ambitious, hardworking and you never give up. You accept your mistakes and you learn from them, that's what makes you valuable as an artist. An artist that doesn't accept its flaws is destined to fail. But you do, and that's the only thing that matters. That's your voice. If he's not able to appreciate that, then the little prick doesn't deserve your talent."
Beca was surprised to notice Jesse could still calm her and make her feel better even when he was 1000 miles away.
"What if I screw it up again? What if he doesn't like what I have to say?"
"In that case, as I said, you must find someone who does. Someone who values your voice."
Beca closed her eyes and, for an instant, she allowed Jesse's voice to warm her heart. A heart that had been under a lot of stress, a heart that had been damaged and broken multiple times, a heart that wasn't used to have a saying in Beca's actions. A heart that had learned to be happy at Jesse's side.
"I miss you," she said, as she opened her eyes.
"I miss you, too. And I love you, don't ever forget that."
Beca loved him too, but for some reason she was unable to say it.
"Will you come see us in Copenhagen?" She said instead.
"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm sure you are gonna kick DSM's ass."
"We have a gig in a couple of weeks. Chloe says it will serve as preparation for the Worlds."
"I'm sure it will go great."
Turns out, Jesse was wrong about the girls' gig going great. As a matter of fact, Beca doubted things could get worse. The Bellas had officially hit rock bottom and their chances of winning the Worlds, which were already slim, were now practically non-existent.
As she and the Bellas travelled back home after their ill-fated performance, Beca couldn't stop thinking about how quickly the group had fallen out of grace.
How did this happen? How did we go from being three-time national champions to a complete and utter disgrace? When did we go wrong? What was our mistake?
She took a peak at her grimed-faced friends, most of them immersed in though and wearing earphones. Emily, on the other hand, was busy writing down something on a notebook, which made Beca curious.
"Is that for a class?" She asked her, trying to distract herself from what had just happened.
"No, it's just when I get stressed, words sort of flow right out of me and I try to channel them into my songwriting—"
"Are we just gonna ignore what happened back there?" Chloe interrupted her, clearly upset. "The Worlds are right around the corner and you guys are acting like we didn't just eat a big bag of… Ahhh!" She screamed in frustration.
"Why are you yelling at me?" Cynthia-Rose protested. "I almost burn to death because of you, aca-bitches."
"If you almost died, it was only because you were standing in the wrong spot," Fat Amy replied.
"No! Flo flipped into me!"
"Sure, blame the minority."
"I'm black, gay and a woman!"
Here we go. Beca thought. Over the years she had mastered the art of shutting down when she didn't want to talk to others, so she simply concentrated in her own problems while her friends blamed each other for their failure. She couldn't stop thinking about Sammy's words, and it felt as if they were drilling a hole in her brain which got bigger with each passing day. She shook her head trying to drive them apart, only for Jesse's memory to come back and haunt her.
"Obviously, we're not gonna beat Das Sound Machine at their game," she heard Chloe say in the distance. "So, we need a new plan. Like, now," her friend stood up with determination. "At times like these, there's only one thing for us to do."
"Fake your own death and flee the country," Flo said, resigned.
"Close. We're going on a retreat."
The night before leaving for the retreat, she got a call from Jesse. This time, she didn't think twice about answering her phone.
"Hi."
"Hi Becs, how did it go at the gig? Tell me everything."
"I don't think you wanna know. It went –what's the word? Terrible."
"Why? What happened?"
"There was a little accident with the props and Cynthia-Rose almost burned to death."
"But is she okay? Was she injured?"
"She got a small burn on her scalp, but she's fine. I don't wanna get into details, all you should know is that it was an absolute disgrace, a complete mess."
"I'm so sorry, Beca. I know this gig was very important to you."
"I'd rather talk about something else, if you don't mind. I still feel embarrassed." Beca didn't like to reminisce about her failures.
"Oh, okay. Well, what are you doing right now?"
"I'm packing, the girls and I are leaving for a retreat tomorrow morning. We'll be gone the whole weekend."
"A retreat? It sounds like fun."
"Yeah, it sure does," Beca said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. "Chloe organized it. Apparently, she thinks we have drifted apart and that we need to reconnect as a group. But I know her, and this is all because she can't accept the fact that there's life beyond the Bellas and that we'll have to move on eventually."
"Well, see it as an opportunity to bond. Or just some much needed vacations."
"Vacations? I wish," she sighed. "I need to figure out the project I will show Sammy. I'm running out of time and ideas, and I still don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I can't wait for this whole thing to be over, it's been a terrible year."
"Look Beca, whatever happens, happens. You are gonna be okay because, no matter what, you always find a way to overcome difficulties."
"You know what? I don't give a crap about Chloe's stupid retreat. I'm gonna use this weekend to focus on my project, and that's the end of it."
Unfortunately for Beca, her plans crumbled once she discovered who ran the retreat.
Beca hadn't seen or talked to Aubrey Posen since the former Bella's graduation. It was nice to see her again after almost three years, especially since they got along much better now than they did when they first met. However, Beca's initial joy quickly disappeared after she heard Aubrey's rules.
"The Worlds signifies a shot at redemption. You don't have a chance of winning until you find your sound again. You have totally lost your harmony! So, for the next two days you will be doing everything together until you regain it. No distractions." One of her assistants handed her a plastic recycling bin. "And that means you must sever all ties to the outside world. I need you to surrender your cell phones, tablets, pocket organizers, smart watches, laptops, everything."
As she talked, she walked down the line. All the Bellas put their gadgets in the bin, but when it was Beca's turn to give up her laptop, she held her tight against her chest.
"But I need this," she begged.
"Trust the process, Beca."
She knew she had no choice, so she handed Aubrey the laptop. It killed her to do so, and she had no idea how she was going to survive the entire weekend without it.
"Ladies, get ready to be transformed. You're surrounded by the strength of your fellow Bellas, the support of a proud female tradition and a few dozen bear traps, so don't stray from the marked paths, okay? Great, let's go!"
"Well, maybe I'll start with a hot shower, maybe a little foot rub—" Fat Amy said, but was quickly interrupted by Aubrey.
"Fat Amy, there are no guest rooms for you."
"Then where are we staying?"
Aubrey pointed to a small clearing, where a tent lied on the ground.
Great, and now we will be sleeping like sardines.
Beca was not in a good mood. She hadn't slept the previous night and her shoulders and neck were killing her. To make matters worse, Aubrey had forced them to complete a series of boot camp exercises, like running through a military-style obstacle course with ropes over a mud pit and jumping from a high tower onto a blob bounce. As a bonus, Aubrey had ordered them to sing songs from old female groups to 'get inspired', and with each task Beca got increasingly frustrated. By the end of the day all the girls were tired, hungry and covered in dried mud, water and dirt.
"Okay, that was two steps away from being almost fine," Aubrey said, with a big smile on her face.
Beca was unable to hold back her frustration any more.
"Sorry, what are we doing?"
"We're rediscovering our sound," Chloe answered.
"Are we? 'Cause it feels like we're just singing songs that would never go in our set."
"Beca, come on."
"No! None of us know how to beat Das Sound Machine, but I know it's not gonna be by doing this."
"This is just an exercise to find harmony, Beca. Sometimes you have to break things down before you can build them back up again." Aubrey was clearly trying to calm her down, but it was too late.
"I have more important things to do!" She snapped.
"What could be more important than this?" Chloe snapped back.
"Nothing, forget it," she said, trying to take back her words.
"You don't think that we haven't all realized you have been a little checked out lately?"
"Come on, Beca, just tell her," Fat Amy told her, quietly.
"I heard that. Tell me what?"
"Oh, you misunderstood me. I clearly said: 'Rum pond, Teca'." Chloe stared at Fat Amy with killer eyes. "Listen, I don't want you guys to fight. You are Beca and Chloe. Together you are 'Bloe', and everyone loves a good Bloe, so…"
Beca didn't want to get into a fight with her best friend, but she realized a direct confrontation with her and the rest of the Bellas was pretty much inevitable at that point.
She took a deep breath. "Okay. I've been interning at a recording studio and a legit music producer wants to hear my work. God forbid I have something going on outside this group."
"Okay, so why would you keep something like that from us?"
"'Cause you are obsessed! You all are." She turned to face her friends. "We're graduating and the only person thinking about life after the Bellas is me."
"What is so wrong about being focused on the Bellas? This has been my family for seven years!"
"Yeah, because you are too scared to leave! Sack up, dude!"
Things were spiraling out of control. Now, the two girls were actually screaming at each other, something that had never happened in the years they had been friends. A little voice inside Beca's head was trying to stop her from taking her frustrations out on Chloe, but she was too angry to pay attention to it.
"Girl fight!" Cynthia-Rose yelled from behind.
"Okay, so you've been lying to us for the entire year and now you are just gonna flake out? Now you are gonna flake out when the Worlds are like, right after graduation?"
"Oh my God, enough about the Worlds!" Beca took a step back. "I can't—I'm out of here."
"Oh, okay. You are just gonna leave now?"
Beca turned back around but kept walking. "We'll all have to eventually, Chloe. It might as well be now."
"Beca—" Ashley tried to stop her.
"If you all knew what is good for you, you'd follow me!"
"Beca, the sign!" Emily yelled, but before she could finish the sentence, Beca stepped in a snare and a rope encircled her ankle, pulling her around fifteen feet in the air.
It had been the wildest and scariest experience of her life. Although she had only hanged in the air for a few seconds, Beca genuinely thought she was going to die. Once she was back on her feet, she realized she had to apologize to her friends for her behavior and start being completely honest with them.
That night, Aubrey organized a campfire for all the girls. Some of them were wrapped in blankets, while others were roasting marshmallows. Beca knew it was her opportunity to open up, and she started talking.
"Listen, I wanna apologize to you guys for what happened before. The things I said were wrong and I was rude, and you don't deserve that. It was wrong of me to take my frustrations out on you, and I won't try to justify myself. I guess I've been putting all this pressure on myself, you know. I don't want to fail and I've been feeling really alone these days."
She didn't need to specify she felt alone because Jesse was gone. She knew the girls had been gossiping about it for weeks.
"But if you had said something—"
"Yeah, I know, but I'm weird about that stuff. I thought I could figure it out on my own and I can't. Maybe I don't have anything original to say." That was her greatest fear. She knew she was a very creative person, but she had hit a wall on her first real opportunity to show what she was capable of. "I wish I could do what you do," she said to Emily.
"Well, I feel the same way about you. You are so good it's intimidating. All I ever wanted is to be one of you. Not a legacy, but a Bella."
"You are!" All the girls said in unison.
"You are one of us, you paid the registration fee," Fat Amy said.
"It's for life, dude." Then, an idea crossed Beca's mind. "Do you want to collaborate on something?"
She knew it was crazy, but if it all went well the final product could be amazing.
"Wait, are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah!" Emily exclaimed. "Wow! Man! Yes! Who else feels like a winner tonight?"
The rest of the girls laughed and cheered.
"I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm afraid too," Chloe said. "To move on, to graduate. It's really scary."
"Yeah, it actually does seem like it. You're barely holding it together."
"Well, it doesn't have to be scary, Chloe. When I was graduating I never pictured myself running a retreat in the middle of the woods, but here I am. Take it from someone who has dealt with some serious control issues." Aubrey held her friend's hand. "And like my dad always said: 'In the mine field of life you must be prepared to lose both feet'. And I think you all know what I mean."
Chloe got to her feet, with determination. "Then it's decided, this year I will graduate. The Worlds will be my swan song. I mean it. I'll pursue my passion. I'll teach underprivilege children how to sing, or I'll dance exotically. Whatever offers the most money."
Beca felt proud of her friend. She knew the outside world scared Chloe and it had taken a lot of effort to make that decision.
"Y'all, check this out," Cynthia-Rose said, and stood up. "I'm moving to Maine to get hitched, and you all can come. Everyone is invited!"
They cheered and clapped.
"Okay, okay guys, stop asking. I'll tell you." Now Flo stood up. "After I graduate, there's a chance I will be deported. I will try to re-enter the country but I will probably die at sea, so… Let's live for tonight!"
More laughs and applause.
"Lily, any plans?"
Lily shrugged. "I'm just gonna travel through time."
As always the girls looked at each other, confused by Lily's answer.
"What about you, Beca? What are you doing after graduation?" Aubrey asked her.
Beca didn't answer straight away, because it was a question she had been asking herself for days.
"I guess it'll all depend on what my boss says about my collaboration with Emily. And even if he doesn't like it my internship will be over in a few weeks, so I'm thinking of moving to LA to pursue a career in music production."
"Really? That's great!" Emily said.
"Yeah, I think I could use the change. Atlanta was supposed to be a temporary thing, and I've already been here for almost four years. It's time to shake things up a little bit. Besides, going to LA was always my original plan."
"Hold on," Aubrey said. "Does that mean you are going to make things right with Jesse?"
"Honestly? I don't know. Things are a little complicated between us right now." A shy smile appeared upon Beca's face. "Although I won't deny I've missed him, and I'd like to see him again."
A lot.
"And I bet he has missed you, too. Perhaps this whole separation was for good. You will rise from the ashes stronger than ever."
"We'll see what happens."
A brief silence. Beca took a moment to organize her thoughts. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she wanted to express herself the best possible way.
"When I look back on this, I won't remember the performing and competing. I'm gonna remember you weirdos." All the girls looked at each other, moved. "It makes me really sad to think it won't ever be like this again. I'm gonna miss you, guys."
And it was true. As a matter of fact, it had been the sincerest thing Beca had ever said to her friends. She never thought she would say it, but the idea of separating from them was proving to be very hard to process.
"Me, too," Cynthia-Rose said.
"Me, too," Stacie added.
Then, the unexpected. Chloe, with tears in her eyes, started singing a song that sounded too familiar to Beca. A song she hadn't heard in a long time.
I got my ticket for the long way round
It was 'Cups', the song Beca had sung when she auditioned for the Bellas. She smiled at her friend, and completed the verse.
Two bottle of Whiskey for the way
Aubrey and the rest of the Bellas joined in.
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?
When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
After they finished the song, Beca looked around. All the Bellas were fighting back tears, including herself.
"Did we just find our sound?"
"I think we did." Despite her watery eyes, Chloe had a smile on her face.
"My work here is done," Aubrey said, satisfied.
Chloe put her hand on her friend's. "Thank you."
Now that she had made peace with her friends and had finally opened up to them about her worries, Beca felt much more relaxed and was ready to fully concentrate in her job. She was going to take Emily to the recording boot on Monday, and already had a few ideas in mind about how to make her friend's song, 'Flashlight', interesting and fascinating enough for her boss to love it.
After realizing she was in love with Bumper, fat Amy designed a plan to win him back. Said plan consisted in serenating him with Pat Benatar's 'We Belong' while she paddled across the lake on a skiff. She put her plan in motion that Sunday afternoon, shortly after the Bellas returned home from the retreat.
She was being watched by Chloe, Beca, Emily and Lily, who were eating ice cream outside the Bella house.
"Why didn't she just walk around the lake?" Chloe asked the rest of the girls.
"Fat Amy doesn't do anything small," Beca answered, not surprised at her friend's daring actions. Beside her, Emily was speaking with her mom over the phone.
"Yes, I've been using my shower shoes. Okay, I love you, too. Here she is." She handed her phone to Beca.
"What's up, Mrs. Junk?"
"Beca, darling, how are you?" Catherine's melodious voice asked her from the other side of the line.
"I'm great, excellent."
"Now, my daughter told me you needed to speak with me."
"Yes, I could use your help with a little project I have in mind."
"Go on, dear, I'm all ears."
"I wanted to know if you and other former Bellas would like to help us with our presentation at the Worlds."
"In what way?"
"Look, the project is still coming together, but I promise you I will solve all your doubts as the whole picture becomes clearer. Right now I need to know if I can count on you for this."
"Of course you can count on me, I would do anything to help a fellow Bella."
"Thank you so much. I'll give you a call on the next few days to give you the details of how you will help us."
"Please know we will help you in any way we can so you can win this thing, okay?"
"We are aware of that. Thanks again, Mrs. Junk."
"You're welcome, dear. Goodbye."
"Bye." Beca hung up the phone and handed it to Emily. "What did I miss?"
"Fat Amy almost got hit by a car, she kept singing but Bumper doesn't seem too interested in what she's doing."
"Well, the guy's hurt. You can't really blame him for not being interested," Chloe said, as she stirred her drink.
"Uh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, Chlo." Beca said, as Bumper began singing along to the song.
"Aww look at that, they are doing a duet. How sweet!" Emily giggled, but the smile quickly disappeared from her face. "Oh, and now they are making out."
"Eww, gross." Chloe covered her eyes with her hand. "I really didn't need to see that today."
"Does that mean they are back together? Because it sure looks like it, right?"
"I guess. Good for them." Beca got to her feet and went inside the house. She was happy for fat Amy and Bumper, but ever since Jesse's departure seeing happy couples made her cranky.
I used to be a part of one of those, not so long ago, she said to herself as she went upstairs. However, she quickly corrected herself. No, not 'used to be'; I am.
On Wednesday, Chloe returned to the Bella house from class earlier than usual. She hadn't seen Beca since Sunday afternoon, and she was anxious to know what her boss had said about her collaboration with Emily. Chloe knew this project was very important to Beca, that her whole career depended on it, and she wanted to be supportive of her friend.
She climbed the stairs to Beca and Amy's room and knocked three times.
"Come in." Chloe entered the room and saw her friend lying in her bed, laptop on her legs. "Hi Chlo, what's up?"
"Hi, Beca." She sat beside her. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing important, really. I'm supposed to be preparing our new setlist but I'm not particularly motivated, so I've been reading Buzzfeed articles and scrolling down my timeline for almost two hours."
"That sounds productive. Hey, how did it go with Sammy and Emily?"
Beca closed her laptop and put it aside. "It went better than I expected. Much better. Sammy really liked our demo and he said it was solid and with real potential. He even said he was looking forward to working with us."
"Wow, that's amazing!" Chloe gently squeezed her friend's arm. "Congratulations Beca, you must be very happy!"
Beca smiled. "I am."
Although she was smiling, Chloe noticed there was something weird about Beca's attitude. She seemed distracted and unfocussed, as if her mind was miles away from there.
She's hiding something.
"But you don't seem like you are. What happened?"
"Why do you think something happened?"
"Because I know you, and you seem distressed. You can tell me what's bothering you, I'm your friend." She held Beca's hand, trying to comfort her.
Beca sighed. "Sammy loved the demo so much he offered me a job in Residual Heat's main headquarters, in New York."
Chloe looked at her with her eyes wide open. "You are joking."
"I'm not, he told me this morning. It's not an important job, I'd basically be a paid intern, but it's a start. He said I could fast-track my way up the ladder because I'm talented and I have the potential. He is glad he gave me an opportunity to prove what I'm capable of, and he said I have a bright future as a music producer if I play my cards well and don't screw up."
"Beca, that's awesome! You said yes, didn't you? Please tell me you said yes!"
"I said I would think about it, and that I will tell him my decision before I graduate."
"But graduation is still two months away. Will he hold the position for you?"
"I hope to give him my answer before that."
"I don't understand, why did you say you need to think about it? This is a great opportunity for you, Beca."
Beca ran her hand through her hair. "I know, but right now my head is a mess. I had already decided I would go to LA after graduating, but now I'm not so sure about that. This is big, and it's my career we're talking about. It's not an easy decision, that's why I asked for some time to make up my mind."
"Yeah but in LA you have nothing, while in New York you'd have a secure job. I don't get—" Then, it hit her. Beca did have something in LA. "Beca, is Jesse the reason why you are thinking of moving to LA after graduation?"
"If what you really want to ask is if I already forgave him, the answer is no. But I miss him and I want to see him again, and I'd like to make things right. I thought being close to him would help, but I now that I think about it I don't want to be the girl who leaves everything to follow a guy to the other side of the country."
"Well, it doesn't have to be a bad thing, especially if you do it out of love."
Beca let out a bitter laugh. "Ah, love. That son of a bitch has only made my life more complicated."
"But also better, I dare to assume."
"I doubt it. The point is I need time to think this through. I'm going to see my dad on Friday and see what he has to say."
"You are going to see your dad? You must be really desperate."
"I am, but also we get along much better now. He's nice to talk to, gives good advice."
"As long as it works for you."
"I need some fatherly advice," was the first thing she told her dad when he opened his front door.
He smiled at her. "I figured. Come in."
She went inside to find the house had suffered little-to-no changes since the last time she had been there. Pictures of Beca as a baby and as a little girl covered most of the living room's walls; in some of them she was by herself, and in others her dad was holding her in his arms. She remembered some of those moments, while others had vanished as years went by.
"You want some coffee?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"Decaf?"
"Please."
He went to the kitchen and poured some coffee powder on a medium-sized cup filled with hot water. He stirred it and handed it to Beca, who took a sip.
"It's delicious. Thank you."
"You're welcome." He sat next to her on the breakfast nook. "So, let's cut to the chase. What's going on?"
"It's a long story."
He extended his arms. "I have plenty of time, when you called me yesterday I cleared my schedule. No classes, no meetings, not anything."
Beca spent the next fifteen minutes updating her dad about her situation, trying not to skip any important details. She told him everything, from her and Jesse's agreement to move to LA together to him graduating early and her job offer in New York, including the current state of their relationship.
"I legit don't know what to do. I have two options," she held out cupped hands, as if weighing two objects. "Option number one: I reject Sammy's offer and I move to LA. Jesse and I make up, we resume things where we left off and we start a new life together, as we originally intended to. Option number two: I accept Sammy's offer and I move to New York. I end my relationship with Jesse for good and I start anew without him."
"Well, what are the pros and cons of each option?"
Beca had already thought of an answer to that question.
"If I choose option number one I'll be with the man I love. Maybe I won't have a job, but it's LA; the city is filled with possibilities. If I choose option number two I'll have to part ways with Jesse, but I'll have a secure job in the biggest and most important city in the world and I'll get to work with actual professionals, professionals who could help me become a successful music producer."
Dr. Mitchell took a sip of his coffee. "So it's basically love vs your career. It's a tale as old as time."
"It sucks. If I go to LA, I will lose my shot at the job of my dreams. But if I go to New York, I won't be with the man I love."
"It sounds like a dilemma."
They went silent for a couple of minutes, in which Beca kept analyzing her possibilities while her father drank his coffee.
"The truth is I'm still mad at Jesse for leaving me to go to LA," Beca finally said. "Everything would be a lot easier if I didn't love him anymore."
"But you do. Quite a lot, if you ask me."
"Yeah, and maybe more than ever. These past weeks have been very difficult." She shook her head. "I feel like I unconsciously want to pay him back with the same coin, you know? He hurt me when he left for LA, now I wanna hurt him by leaving for New York."
"But Jesse didn't leave because he didn't love you, did he? He left because a once in a lifetime opportunity presented itself and he had to take it. Does that sound familiar to you?"
Beca clenched her teeth. "I see your point. It doesn't make this any easier, though. It still hurts."
"You wanna know what I think, Bec? I think you've already made your decision. That's why it hurts so much."
Beca didn't say anything. Her dad's words had hit her like a thunderbolt.
Have I? Have I made my decision without even noticing?
"I believe you are right." She managed to say in a brittle voice. "But why? Why does it hurt if it's the right thing to do?"
Her father let out a sad smile. "Nobody said making a decision was easy."
On Sunday evening, Beca and Chloe stayed home for dinner while the rest of the girls went to the movies. Chloe was busy studying for an exam and Beca wasn't in the mood to go out. Just two days had passed since her visit to her dad, and she had spent the whole weekend thinking about their conversation.
"This might sound weird coming from me, but studying is actually really fun." Chloe said, with enthusiasm. Now that she had decided to graduate she had become the most dedicated student in Barden, something that the other Bellas—especially Stacie—found extremely odd.
"It does sound weird."
"Have I ever told you that, when I was in high school, I was the best student in my class?"
"That's even weirder. What happened there?"
"Oh, you know. Boys, personal insecurities, my obsession with the Bellas—the usual stuff." Chloe chuckled. "Ah, those good old days."
"I don't miss them one bit."
Chloe looked at her, with curiosity. "You are more bitter than usual tonight. What's wrong?"
Beca leaned back in her swivel chair and rested her hands on her abdomen.
"I've made my decision."
"About… the issue?"
"Yeah."
"Go on."
"I'm going to accept Sammy's offer; I'm going to New York."
A trace of sadness covered Chloe's face. "Are you sure?"
"It's what's best for me right now."
"I suppose you have given this a lot of thought."
"More than you can imagine."
"Can I ask what helped you decide?"
"My dad, he said something that got me thinking. He said: 'I think you've already made your decision. That's why it hurts so much.' That made me realize I can't let this opportunity pass. It's my career, it's my future. So I said to myself: 'Beca, you know what to do. You have known all along.'"
"And there's nothing that could make you change your mind?"
Beca shook her head. "My decision is final."
Chloe sighed. "Well, in that case, I have nothing left to say. I know how difficult this was for you, Beca, and if you think going to New York is what's best for you, then I support you."
"Thank you. I knew you would."
"When are you gonna tell Jesse?"
"I thought about telling him at the Worlds, but he texted me this morning to say he wouldn't be able to make it because he has a very important exam that day."
"That's a bummer, it would've been nice to see him again."
"I know."
Although Beca didn't say anything to Chloe, she was devastated to find out Jesse wouldn't be there for the most important performance of her Bella career. Even when she had decided to break up with him for good, she would've loved to see him in the crowd, screaming and jumping and singing along to the songs.
"But if it's not at the Worlds, when will you tell him?"
Beca shrugged. "I don't know, but this is the kind of stuff you must do personally, so I guess I'll have to go to LA and tell him face to face."
"Well, like my late grandma used to say: 'If you're going to leave something you care about behind, make sure you do it the right way.' You owe it to your relationship."
"That's true. I'll find a way to tell him; I promise."
Two months later…
June 2015
The Bellas' final performance had gone much better than the girls expected. In fact, Beca felt comfortable enough to affirm it had been their finest –or at least in her years as a Bella. It had been a simple, yet heart-warming performance that had captivated the audience and, hopefully, the judges as well. It had been the complete opposite to DSM's flamboyant, over-the-top performance, and Beca hoped the emotional aspect of their number combined with the display of their abilities would be enough to secure them the crown.
"I'm so nervous," Chloe said, visibly agitated. She couldn't stop pacing back and forth and was twirling her hair with her fingers. "My hands are all sweaty and my heart is beating like crazy."
They were waiting backstage while the judges deliberated.
"Relax, Chlo. We gave everything out there, there's nothing else we can do. It's in the judges' hands now."
"Beca, tell me something."
"Like what?"
"Anything. I need to distract myself."
"Well… I think I saw Jesse in the crowd." Chloe looked at her, with surprise. "I'm not sure it was Jesse or just some random dude who looked a lot like him, I only saw his face a fraction of a second. Perhaps you saw him, too, he was wrapped in an American flag."
Chloe nodded. "I did, it was very hard not to notice him. But what is he doing here? I thought he said he wouldn't be able to come."
"I don't know, perhaps it wasn't him and my mind is just playing tricks on me."
Her friend shook her head. "I'm pretty sure it was Jesse. Come on, who else would wrap himself in the American flag like that, Rocky-style?"
"That's true. Still, I don't wanna get my hopes up."
"That's up to you. Wouldn't it be amazing, though? Him finding a way to be here tonight by whatever means necessary, just to support you."
"It really would be."
Beca couldn't believe what had just happened. Had a group of underdogs defeated DSM against all odds? Had they really saved the Bellas from disappearing? Were they actual world champions?
This and many other questions kept moving through her head as she and the girls celebrated their victory on stage. None of them could believe their triumph; some of them had tears in their eyes, while others laughed and squealed with delight. The trophy that had been awarded to them was being passed from hand to hand, and fat Amy didn't miss the opportunity to take a selfie with it.
After celebrating with the audience, the Bellas were asked to leave the stage and to move backstage to continue their celebration. In there, they were congratulated by the other groups that had participated in the competition. Handshakes and hugs were exchanged, as well as kind thoughts and good wishes in different languages.
However, Beca was shocked to recognize a familiar face amidst the crowd.
Jesse.
As soon as they made eye contact, he held his arms out to her.
Without giving it a second thought, she ran toward him and hugged him as hard as she could. It was a warm, strong hug, very Jesse-like. When he let go, she noticed he was smiling as she had never seen him smile before. She couldn't help but smile as well.
"What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn't make it!"
"I wanted to give you a surprise. I hope it worked."
"It did. I wasn't expecting you at all!"
"Do you really think I would've missed this? Me, your biggest and loudest fan?"
Beca laughed. "For a moment I thought you would, I'm glad I was wrong. But how did you get here? I thought audience members couldn't go backstage."
"I played the my-girlfriend-is-the-winning-group's-leader card and a security guard sneaked me in."
"How do you think it all went?"
"You girls were amazing! Seriously, it was your best performance ever. Your win is well-deserved."
"I still can't believe it, I think I'm in shock. I mean, I wanted us to win, but I never thought we would actually win."
"I always knew you could do this, Beca. I'm so proud of you."
"Everything seems so… surreal. I feel as if I'm having an out-of-body experience."
"You know what you need? To go celebrate with your friends. I mean it; go to a bar, drink until you pass out. You've earned it."
"But you are here and there are so many things I have to tell you, I—"
"There'll be time to talk, but this is your moment, Beca. Enjoy it. I won't go anywhere." He reassured her, as he caressed her hair. "Now go, and have fun."
She took his hand with hers. "Fine. I'll give you a call tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay."
The girls went to a bar called 'The Jane', located in the heart of Copenhagen. They ordered a round of beer to get started, and ten minutes later the toasts began.
"To all of you awesome nerds," Beca raised her glass. "You all made a tremendous effort tonight, and it all payed off. I'm so proud of what we achieved, not only we are the new world champions, but we saved the Bellas for girls like this one," she said, as she put her arm around Emily's shoulder, "to build their own legacy. It was the best swan song I could've hoped for. What an amazing way to put an end to our careers as Bellas. To us!"
"To us!" All the girls took a sip of their beers. Then, Chloe stood up.
"I'd also like to make a toast," she said, fighting back emotion. "Beca, in this past few months you've had to make some very important decisions in both your professional and personal life. You've gone through extremely difficult stuff, stuff that even made you think of leaving the Bellas. You didn't, and I'm so thankful to you for staying with us and for guiding us to this triumph. I know we all worked our asses to win this thing, but none of this would've been possible without your leadership and your enormous talent. And now that you are about to begin a new chapter in your life, I wish you the greatest of success in New York. I know you're gonna be the best music producer in the world." She raised her glass. "To our leader."
The rest of the girls did the same.
"To our leader!"
Beca was left speechless, extremely moved by her friend's words.
"Thank you," she mouthed at her.
"I'm not done yet, I have some personal news I'd like to share with you." Chloe said, and she took a deep breath. "I'm going to New York, too. Ladies, I got accepted to Juilliard!"
All the girls covered their mouths with their hands.
"What? Juilliard?!" They said in unison.
"As in the one in Lincoln Center?" Stacie asked, perplexed.
"Yes! I'm so excited!"
Beca looked at her friend with her eyes wide open.
"Okay Chlo, you have some serious explaining to do," she said, as she scratched her head. "First and most important of all: how did this happen?"
"Well, first I sent my application in late November. Then, I had to go to an audition in January and, if everything went well, to a final callback in March. I never thought I would actually get in, it was a longshot, but I did!"
"So that's why you became such a good student from one day to the next," Stacie said, finally putting two and two together. "But you decided to graduate two months ago, how is it possible you sent your application in November?"
"I never told this to anyone, but after 'Muffgate' the idea of life outside the Bellas began moving through my head, just like it happened to Beca. It was a sad and rather grim prospect, but I couldn't ignore it. Chances were we would fail at winning the Worlds, so I said to myself: 'Chloe Beale, you have the opportunity to do something important with your life. What is it that you wanna do?' And then, out of nowhere, the answer came to me: 'I wanna be an actress.' Like I said, I never thought they would accept me, so I thought: 'Why not? If I don't get in there's no harm done anyway.' And that's it."
"But why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to jinx it. Besides, what if they rejected me? I preferred to wait and see what happened."
"Wait, wait, wait." Fat Amy said. "You are all forgetting to ask what really matters: When did you go to New York to audition? Why didn't we notice?"
"Oh, that's simple. Remember I spent my winter break in Florida with my dad and I returned to Atlanta one week after the semester began?" All the girls nodded. "That's because I used that extra week to go to New York to my first audition. And in March, do you remember that weekend I went rock climbing in Colorado? I went to the final callback."
"You tricked us all. Clever girl."
"When did they tell you you were in?" Beca asked, after overcoming the initial shock.
"First week of April."
"Two months? Wow, this is huge."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, but like I said I didn't want to jinx it." Chloe lowered her head in shame.
"Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything," Beca said, as she patted her in the shoulder. "Quite the opposite, you should be rubbing it in our faces." Then, she proceeded to hug her friend. "Congratulations, dude. I'm so happy for you!"
"Yeah, congrats!" Stacie said. The rest of the girls cheered as well, and everyone hugged the redhead.
"Thank you, girls. I feel like I'm on cloud nine." Chloe was smiling from ear to ear. "Seven months ago I couldn't even think of graduating; now, I'm going to study acting in the best school in the country. It's crazy!"
"Well, Chloe, remember us when you win your first Oscar." Stacie said.
"I'm actually aiming for a Tony, but I'll mention you in my speech. I promise."
"Finally I have a good excuse to visit New York, now that you two are going to be there."
"We all do. New York City better beware!" Fat Amy exclaimed.
"When do you leave?" Beca asked Chloe.
"Next month. But before that, I'll go to Florida to spend a few days with my dad. What about you?"
"I'm leaving on Saturday."
"So soon? I thought you were going to take a few vacation days."
"I will, but I want to spend them in New York. To get used to the city and stuff."
"Right. Well, I guess I'll see you there." Chloe raised her glass. "To new beginnings!"
"To new beginnings!"
To making the right decision, Beca said to herself, as she drank her beer.
The next day, Beca called Jesse first thing in the morning and they agreed to meet for breakfast on her hotel's restaurant.
"I mean it, Beca, Los Angeles is amazing. The food is great and you get to meet a wide variety of people," he said, with enthusiasm. "Besides you get to spot celebrities from time to time! Isn't that cool?"
Beca smiled at Jesse's enthusiasm. He seemed optimistic and cheerful, and it made her very happy to see him in such a good place.
"If it suits you. But what about the traffic?"
"Well, it is kind of awful, but I always use the subway or walk." He shrugged. "A little bit of traffic won't spoil the experience for me."
"You are very happy there, aren't you?"
"I am, LA is everything I ever hoped it'd be and more. I know it's only been a few months, but I already think of it as home. I definitely see myself building a life there."
"I'm glad to hear that. After all, that's the reason you left, right?"
"Right." He took a sip of his coffee. "What about you, Bec? How's everything at RH?"
"Pretty good, actually. You remember the project I was working on for Sammy?" Jesse nodded. "Well, Emily and I made a demo of 'Flashlight'; we showed it to him a few weeks ago. He loved it."
"That's great! I need to check it out, but I'm sure it's amazing."
"I think you're gonna like it."
"Speaking of the little prick, how is he doing?"
It was the perfect time to tell him about her move to New York, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
"He is fine." She tried to sound as normal as she could. However, her voice came out slightly monotonous, which made Jesse immediately raise an eyebrow.
He noticed it. He knows there's something else. Beca wished he didn't know her as well as he did.
"Really?"
"Yeah." She took a sip of water. "Just Sammy being Sammy."
"Okay, what did he do this time? Because I swear to God, if that guy stepped over the line or something, I'm gonna—"
"No, Jess. He didn't do anything." The situation was making Beca uncomfortable, and it showed in her body language.
"What is it, then? As soon as I mentioned him our conversation changed completely." Jesse tried to hold Beca's hand but she pulled it away, like a reflex. "What's wrong?" He asked, slightly concerned this time. "Come on, Bec, you know you can tell me anything."
Beca knew she couldn't hide the news anymore.
She took a deep breath before the words left her mouth.
"He offered me a job in New York."
Jesse looked at her with surprise in his eyes. Beca held her breath as she waited for an answer. Instead, Jesse said nothing. For a moment they just stood there, staring at each other.
Finally, he brought himself to speak.
"When do you start?"
"What makes you think I accepted it?"
"Didn't you? Because I don't think we would be having this conversation if you had said no."
"I did accept it."
"Ah, there you go. I wasn't that lost. So, when do you start?"
"In two weeks. I leave for New York on Saturday."
Another moment of silence. Beca knew there were so many things he wanted to ask her, to tell her, but he couldn't find the right words. Something similar was happening to her, too.
"Are you happy?" He finally asked. It was a simple and very straight forward question, but it showed Jesse's interest in her well-being, which Beca knew was the most important thing for him.
"I am."
"Then I'm happy, too." There was sadness in his voice, but he tried to cover it with a smile. "Life takes many turns, doesn't it? We once talked about sharing our lives, about fulfilling our dreams together. And now I'll go to LA while you go to New York, I'll become a film score composer and you a world-famous music producer."
"With some luck, yeah."
"You don't need luck, Beca; you have your talent."
"Well, you don't need it either, because you are passionate."
He shook his head. "I'm afraid you need more than that." He drank the rest of his coffee and took out his wallet. "Here, allow me to invite you."
"Of course not! We'll split it, as always." She reached for her purse but he grabbed her hand. "Jesse, don't."
"I insist. Take it as my gift to you for winning the Worlds."
"But—"
"Or as my way to congratulate you on your new job."
She sighed. "Fine."
After they paid the bill, Beca accompanied Jesse to the hotel's lobby.
"I'm leaving for LA tomorrow night. I thought you should know."
She knew he wouldn't stay in Copenhagen forever, but it made her sad to know it was almost time to say goodbye.
"At what time?"
"Nine o'clock."
She was tempted to ask him if she could go with him to the airport, but she stopped mid-sentence.
What she would never know was that Jesse thought about asking her the same question.
"When do you girls leave?"
"Wednesday morning. Actually a few hours after you."
"Straight to Atlanta?"
She nodded. "To pack our stuff and hand over the house to Emily."
"Right." He sighed. "So I guess this is it."
"I guess," she said, awkwardly. She didn't know what she was supposed to say in a situation like that.
However, Jesse did.
He reached out for Beca's hands, and held them in his.
"It doesn't matter how far away we are, I'm always gonna be there for you whenever you need me. You can count on me for anything."
"I know. I have always known." She gently squeezed his hands. "Listen Jess, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we planned them to."
His lips curved into a smile. "We tried. At least we can't blame ourselves for that." He then kissed her hands. "Have a safe trip back home."
"You too."
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you…