Chapter Six: A Grand Sendoff
I was still reading the Sburb beta walkthrough on GameFAQs when the black box from the client disc popped up onto my screen. I minimized the Hyperion web browser and quickly read through the text in the black window. It said the client was running, but that it was waiting for a connection to a server.
It was more or less identical to the window that had popped up to start the server application. I went back to reading the walkthrough for the next minute or so, quickly skimming through the section about the different machines from the Phernalia Registry. I would have ended up skimming even if I wasn't in a hurry—whoever wrote this thing tended to use unnecessarily fancy language. I mean, there comes a point where simpler is better…and with game walkthroughs, simpler was usually always better.
I'd already brushed through the sections on the cruxtruder and pre-punched card, and I'd only just managed to finish the section on the totem lathe before that small black window popped up again. This time, the 'waiting for connection' had been replaced with more text confirming a connection.
SBURB version 0.0.1
SKAINET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
SBURB client is running.
A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.
Client has established connection with host.
Press [ENTER] when ready.
That must have been Cruz. Like me, he'd probably just hosted his own server and connected to me while I ran the client. Just as the window popped up, I swore again, nearly jumping out of my seat when yet another gigantic explosion rocked my house. This meteor had impacted a bit further away than the last one, but it must have been slightly bigger, for the explosion was just as loud.
I swore as my golden Roman eagle replica statue fell off the top of the computer desk again, just barely managing to catch it before it hit the ground. I absentmindedly set it back up onto the shelf once again, making a mental note to move it once I was finished with the client application.
Remembering what Cruz had just said, I knew that it was most likely the meteor that had been bound for Cass's house. Struck with a sudden sense of concern, I briefly brought up my server application, checking on Cass. She and her house, to my great relief, were perfectly fine. There was a strange, reddish light shining in through her windows, but I did not have time to investigate—I had my own shit to worry about.
I brought the client window back up and pressed enter on my keyboard. The black window faded away, and my computer screen turned completely white. As I watched, a bright green spirograph appeared above a loading bar. As the bar started creeping towards 100%, the spirograph started changing shape, the curved lines that made it constantly reshaping themselves into different patterns. The background started changing color, as well—it started out as plain white, but eventually morphed into a bright green, then to a blue, then to a reddish-pink tone.
Throughout all this, clouds started moving across the screen. It started out as a simple background animation, but it gradually grew crazier and crazier until it looked like I was staring into a kaleidoscope of colors, pictures, and lines. Finally, once the loading bar was complete, the screen went black, and the name SBURB appeared in large, green letters, much like it had with the server application.
And after the title screen presented itself…my computer screen returned to the desktop. There was no icon for the Sburb client, nor was the disc performing any kind of additional activity. It seemed that the only function of the client program was to allow my server player to manipulate my surroundings—I did not have to actually do anything on the computer. Not for a little while, at least.
I brought my internet window back up, continuing to read the Sburb beta walkthrough. As I read through the section concerning the alchemiter, I could hear thumps coming from downstairs. Cruz was deploying the machines from the registry, no doubt. Just as I finished reading about the alchemiter, I saw a shadow pass by my window. I stood up and glanced outside just in time to see the alchemiter floating through the air before coming to a rest on the balcony.
I turned away from the window and took a step forward…only to bump my head on the bottom of the totem lathe, which had suddenly appeared in midair right in the middle of my room. "Ow," I stumbled back, holding my forehead. I then straightened back up and gave my ceiling the middle finger. "Watch it, dude!"
I received two responses. First, my PalHassle app on the iphone buzzed an alert, and a pre-punched captchalogue card appeared out of nowhere and fell right onto my head.
-conquistadorsAshes began hassling anomalousThespian at 16:53-
CA: sorry bout the lathe bro
CA: didnt expect u to turn around so fast
AT: it's fine, dude; just surprised me is all.
CA: surprised you
CA: this comin from the dude who gets into knife fights with his sister on a regular basis
AT: like you can talk, mister i-get-into-lasergun-duels-with-my-Grandma.
AT: may your Grandma rest in peace.
CA: until i see her again
CA: but yeah ok back to the game
CA: u read the walkthrough bro
AT: yeah, dude.
CA: right right so u know what to do with all the machines
CA: cruxite dowel and punched card to the totem lathe
CA: carved dowel to the alchemiter
CA: get the artifact
AT: how do i get the cruxite dowel, again?
CA: u go to the cruxtruder bro
CA: u go to the cruxtruder and use something heavy to bang in the top
CA: that'll open it up
AT: okay, i'll message you again in a minute.
CA: aight bro
-anomalousThespian is no longer hassling conquistadorsAshes-
I picked up the pre-punched card and examined it. On it, still clearly visible despite the punch marks, was the image of a red wine glass.
Still wondering what the card meant, I pocketed it and clambered downstairs. The dining room table was gone, now, replaced by the bulky cruxtruder. I ran a finger across the smooth, metal surface, almost as if I had to make sure that this was a real thing that had just appeared from nothing…which it was. I ran a hand across the very top of the machine—the part that I was supposed to hit in order to open it.
I tried pressing down on the top of the cruxtruder, and I could feel a faint give…but I knew I did not have the brute strength required to pop it open. Even so, I tried hitting it several times. I even climbed up on top and tried jumping up and down, but even one-twenty-five pounds of frustrated, confused American teenager was not enough to make the cruxtruder budge.
Ultimately, it was Cruz who solved my problem, meddling with my house using the controls granted to him by his own server application. I watched the refrigerator get dragged into the dining room through the kitchen doorway and rise up into the air, turning horizontal. I winced, trying not to think about all the foodstuffs that were no doubt getting thrown all over the place inside. Cruz maneuvered the fridge up over the cruxtruder…and then brought it crashing down on top of its cylindrical shaft.
In quick succession, three things happened. First, the top of the cruxtruder—the part with the green spirograph engraved on its round surface—popped right off, clanging to the floor. Second, the four previously dark panels set into the sides of the cruxtruder lit up, displaying a timer that was steadily counting down to zero. And third, an orb of bright, shimmering red light rose up into the air, humming with some kind of unknown energy.
As Cruz put the fridge back into the kitchen, I looked at the orb of pulsing light, trying to figure out what the hell it was. It certainly didn't match the description of what the cruxite dowel was supposed to look like. But then I remembered something else from the section of the walkthrough on the cruxtruder, mentioning an object called…uh…the 'kernelsprite', I think…yeah, I think that's what it was.
The walkthrough described the 'kernelsprite' as an object that was released upon the opening of the cruxtruder, but it gave no other description. The writer said that the kernelsprite was irrelevant at the moment, and that he or she would get back to it later on in the walkthrough. I didn't have time to scroll down and check.
As for the timer… I glanced at the panels on the cruxtruder—they all read the same thing: a countdown.
1:23… 1:22… 1:21… 1:20…
That couldn't mean anything good…
I quickly grabbed the black wheel set into the side of the cruxtruder's shaft and turned it. A red, cylindrical object rose out of the shaft, churned out by the turning of the wheel. This had to be the cruxite dowel.
I picked up the object—which surprisingly felt almost weightless—and started heading for the stairs when my iphone started buzzing again.
-conquistadorsAshes began hassling anomalousThespian at 16:56-
CA: bro u get ur artifact yet
AT: my what? i just opened up the cruxtruder, dude.
AT: shit, the kernelsprite looks so trippy. you seeing this?
CA: ya bro im seein it
CA: cmon man u gotta step it up
CA: get the dowel and the pre-punched card to the totem lathe
CA: sorry i forgot to mention the kernelsprite its actually kinda important
AT: yeah, I figured. look, can we talk about it later? this countdown is kinda freaking me out.
CA: ya right whats the timer on the cruxtruder say
AT: uh…
AT: it just reached one minute and five seconds.
CA: !
CA: FUCK DUDE RUN UR FUCKIN ASS OFF
CA: GET THE SHIT TO THE FUCKIN LATHE DUDE GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
AT: i'm going, i'm going!
AT: jesus, dude, calm down.
CA: bro that timer tells u how long u have before ur meteor FUCKIN OBLITERATES U
AT: i have less than a minute before my house gets hit by a fucking meteor?
CA: YES
-anomalousThespian is no longer hassling conquistadorsAshes-
I just dropped my iphone, sprinting upstairs with the cruxite dowel. The totem lathe was still sitting in my room, right where Cruz had left it. I set the cruxite dowel down onto the lathe, tightening the vice so that the dowel was secured. I then slipped the pre-punched card into the open receptacle slot and punched what I hoped was the lathe's power button.
I was faintly aware of the scarlet kernelsprite hovering close behind me, following me upstairs and into my room. Right now, it was hanging out next to my computer.
The lathe started spinning the dowel very rapidly as its carving tool extended down from its apparatus, coming into contact with the cruxite and carving it up. Once the lathe was finished, the cruxite dowel was no longer cylindrical—it still possessed a round, flat top and bottom…but its surface area was all wavy and warped, now. Almost like taking a small block of metal and carving a set of key grooves into it.
Having no time for questions, I just grabbed the carved cruxite dowel and rushed down the upstairs hallway. There was another close-by meteor impact just then, causing my house to rumble and shake once more as I ducked out into the hallway. There was a bright flash of crimson light that washed out my room for a moment, but I had no time to investigate. I moved out onto the deck, ignoring the shadowy figure of the Phantom that was lurking outside the door—it just vanished when I looked directly at it.
The air outside smelled even more like smoke, and the rain was coming down even harder. Within seconds, I was completely drenched—I remembered then that I was still only wearing a hospital gown. My Sis was standing at the other end of the deck, watching the hellstorm of meteors. She saw me stumble outside and started towards me, but I did not pay any attention to her, either. I ran straight over to the alchemiter and put the cruxite dowel on top of the smaller pedestal.
Once I did this, the alchemiter's mechanical arm extended upward and swiveled back down, bringing the tool at the very end down and around so that it was pointing straight at the carved dowel. The tool at the end lit up and some kind of laser beam shout out of it, making contact with the carved dowel, scanning its contours.
There was another flash of red light, and suddenly a large object appeared on the bigger pedestal of the alchemiter. It was a canopy, supported by four poles at the corners—and it was completely red, the exact same color as the kernelsprite. It was a chuppah, or a wedding canopy. There was a short man, as well, dressed in what I recognized as the garb of an orthodox rabbi—also completely red; clothing, flesh, and all—who appeared under the canopy, holding a red wine glass. It was like something straight out of a nightmarish wedding.
The translucent, red man placed the wine glass down onto the pedestal, tipped his hat to me…and vanished. The canopy vanished with him, almost as if it had never existed. I probably would have believed I'd imagined the whole thing, if not for the red wine glass, which had remained—the only evidence of that crazy happening.
I picked up the bright red wine glass, inspecting it for a moment. This had to be the cruxite artifact Cruz had mentioned. I'd read in the walkthrough that my entrance into the session—again, whatever the hell that meant—was supposed to be facilitated by me breaking it in a certain way, but I wasn't sure what that entailed. The writer of the walkthrough had said that the card she deployed contained a blue apple, which was absolutely nothing like the one I had gotten.
Having no other real choice, I raised the wine glass, ready to dash it against the floor and shatter it. As I raised it, I became aware of a low rumbling noise, coming from the sky above. It wasn't thunder…it was a constant noise, a bit quieter than the thunderclaps. Though I could not see it through the veil of storm clouds, I knew that the meteor bound for my house was just about to arrive.
I took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing…" I murmured, bringing the glass swinging down…only to have it bounce off the floor. I hadn't even made a scratch. I muttered under my breath and picked it back up, raising it and bringing it down again, harder this time, only to be stopped by an iron-hard grip on my wrist. My eyebrows met in a deep, furious frown as I looked up at Sis, who had caught my hand.
Even before I could speak, she placed a finger on my lips, shaking her head once. She took the red wine glass from my grasp and placed it on the floor of the balcony, tapping her foot next to it. Suddenly, reflecting upon the Jewish wedding canopy and the rabbi, I knew what I was supposed to do.
I raised my foot, balancing on the other.
A roaring noise split open the skies as a giant ball of light and fire tore through the rainclouds. I only saw it in my periphery vision—had I taken the time to look up, my story probably would have ended right here and now. But I didn't look up. I'd already known there was a meteor coming for me; what difference would it make if I got a good look at it, or not?
I stomped my foot down, shattering the glass.
I could feel the heat of the meteor as it came thundering down into the ground. There was a giant explosion of red light, temporarily blinding me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the painful light. My chest was heaving for breath, even though I could breathe just fine. Maybe I just needed some kind of reminder that I was still alive.
And suddenly, as quickly as it had come, the blinding light faded away. All I could hear now was the steady pattering of rain, and the sound of running water. I opened my eyes, finding myself sharing a tight embrace with my Sis.
Sis smiled at me and extricated herself from my grip, taking a step back. The meteor was gone…and so were my neighbors, my street—all replaced by…something else. Where the hell was I?
I gazed out over the strange, unbelievable landscape that stretched off into the distance in all directions. I then lifted my foot, observing the shards underneath. That was all that remained of the glowing red cruxite wine glass that had been produced by the alchemiter.
I took a deep breath, speaking the only thing that was on my mind in that very moment.
"Mazel tov, motherfuckers…"
END OF ACT I