Like most illusions, choice is something with strings attached. With mirrors and fog machines. With insiders in the audience. With hidden keys tucked in sleeves. With secret compartments.
Your name is Lincoln Loud, and you are no stranger to parlor tricks.
You idly shuffle a deck of cards in your hand and feel for the right beveled edge of laminated paper and draw it to your forehead with eyes closed.
A single black Ace greets you when you open your eyes to face the mirror above your [Dresser] and you note that you should probably Work on your smile. It's a little bit too coy, your audience might take you for a pompous know-it-all douchebag. You clear your throat and place the [Deck of Cards] back into your small crate of [Parlor Tricks] and kick it under your bed. You grimace slightly when you hear glass breaking and sigh, you'll take care of that later. Probably.
You are currently in the Secret Compartment of 1216 Franklin Avenue. A room located at the end of the hallway disguised to look like a linen room closet to the outside observer. But in actuality: the small room is your secret sanctum. The cramped nature of the room keeps people out, or at least ensures that you only have to worry about entertaining one guest at a time.
Today is the first day of Summer Vacation. You sit down on your bed to ruminate and reflect on your 6th grade year.
On the second day of school you were sent to Canada to attend classes there. On the third day of school you were banned from Canada. On the fourth day of school you uncovered a conspiracy that plotted to destroy Michigan's agricultural industry. On the fifth day of school you busted a golf ghost, and then helped un-bust the golf ghost.
That was the first school week. From then on things kind of escalated and now you've met an "end point" of sorts. And emerged from it. Today is a new beginning, and if 6th grade was any indication: things are just going to get more over the top.
You idly take out your [Phone], a brand new non-hand-me-down Nebula Flap 3, to stare at your phone background. It was The Gang: You, Clyde, Rusty, Zack, Liam, and Stella posing around a storage container of stolen Snap Game Consoles the Action News Team discovered during the Great Console Shortage of last December. Around the container were new additions to your ever increasing friend group. Chandler was behind you flipping off the camera with a slight smile, Trent and Richie posed on top of the container striking anime poses, Penelope and Girl Jordan and Mollie waved to the camera, Chloé and Emma held up two clipboards in the air, Artie and Lance were leaning against the container and flashed fingerguns at the camera. You tried to remember who took the photo, it was that girl with the purple highlights that you can't remember the name of. You stick the [Phone] back into your jeans after flipping it shut, pointedly ignoring the5 New Notifications that flashed on the screen. You're not really the type of person to leave people on Read. It's kinda rude.
The Notifications are from Nikki, Zack, Girl Jordan, Clyde, and Trent.
It's a lot of new names to remember, so you aren't really beating yourself up about Not Remembering Purple Haired Girl, she really likes anime and doesn't brush her teeth. You've got the whole Summer Vacation to see what everyone's up to, and you've got, like, 30 sisters or something. During your last Summer Vacation you realized that sometimes Plans aren't really needed to have fun, so other than a couple of looming Deadlines and scheduled ahead Events and Activities you've kept your Summer Vacation Itinerary pretty sparse.
Summer Vacation is a time for students to rest on their laurels, a time to relax and act like a kid. Burn stuff down, flip cars over, get banned from restaurants, terrorize the population of other towns and cities, flip the cars back over, and sneak as much candy and snacks as you possibly can.
Or at least that's what Summer Vacation is to a Loud.
You remember hushed talks around the living room couch with your elder siblings, listening intently to them as they swapped war stories about what they took part of in their past Summer Vacations. Lori and Carol once spent the whole Summer terrorizing the cast of The Love Boat to ensure that their chosen bachelor got the win. Leni spent one Summer as a house sitter at Tetherby Mansion and held elaborate parties that hosted all kinds of movie stars and socialites. One time at band camp Luna uncovered a secret underground grotto and found a magic dagger that could control the wind, she got 50 bucks from selling it to Flip. Luan and Grandpa Leonard went on a fishing trip on her 7th Summer Vacation and found an island in the middle of Lake Eddy populated by 10 foot tall pink penguins. Lynn spent her Summer training under a disgraced Shaolin Monk who taught her how to knock a dude out with one tap of her finger.
It all seemed incredibly excessive to you. You shook your head at their wanton extra-ness. You just plan on Taking Things Easy. Maybe go to the lake with The Gang, spend some time with your sisters, go to a concert, take the Bloodhound Bus to GLC and check out the comic book shops there, and try out the new VR games at Gus' Games and Grub.
You snap your neck and decide to knock out some Chores. Mainly so you can take some inventory. But partly so Mom and Dad don't get on your ding-dang case about leaving your room a mess.
You start by picking up your dirty clothes to throw into your [Oversized Laundry Bag]. You quickly realize after filling it up halfway with dirty socks and [Unlucky Underwear] that you probably should've got started with all this as soon as you got home from school yesterday. You also realize that you probably have too many jeans. Like 30 pairs to be precise. You're down to 5 polos, the pair of jeans you're wearing right now, a single pair of hiking socks, and your [Lucky Underwear]. The laundry bag is filled to the brim now, with a heave you place it in front of your door to barricade yourself from any unwanted visitors. You really should think about Buying A Locked Doorknob, or maybe a cool Security System like Lori and Leni have for their room.
But sorting out your dirty clothes led to a boon. Alongside a trash bags worth of receipts and candy wrappers you found:
[30 Dollars] of Loose Change and Bills
[A Chocolate Krebstar Full Size Candy Bar] (Wrapped In Plastic Seran Wrap To Ward Off Your Sisters)
A [Mysterious Letter] Without A Sender That Smells of Roses
A [Rigged Joy Buzzer]
Your Missing [Noise-B-Gone 4000's] Bluetooth Earbuds
Stella's [Missing Left Snap Controller]
Your [Passport]
A [Broken Digital Watch of Mysterious Origins] That Oozes With Malice and Promises Convoluted and Hard-To-Follow Storylines
With a stinkface you throw the watch into the garbage…
You quickly power on your [NBG 4K's] and sigh in relief when they tell you they are fully charged and pair them with your [Phone]. You slide the coins into your [Rabbit Coin Purse] and the bills into your [Wallet]. Counting the money you have you have a balance of 43.76, not counting the money in your college fund that Lisa set up for you. Or the Secret Stash Of Cash you have hidden somewhere around Tall Timber's Park. Or you can pick up some shifts at Lynn's Table or do some work at Flip's or Break Out Lincoln the Magnificent and do some Summer Gigs.
A little extra cash wouldn't hurt anyone. Probably.
You jump in fear as 3 rapid chimes ring in your eardrums and with a grimace you turn down the volume of your buds. Unfortunately the rapid taps of your fingers activate the [NBG's] Voice Dictation functionality and you freak out a little bit. You pull out your phone to see who exactly you embarrassed yourself to.
It was Ronnie Anne. You sigh in relief, you kinda don't really care all that much anymore. She should be used to you being a huge dork by now.
RA: dude
RA: duude
RA: duuude
Linc: Man, it is always something on Saturdays no wonder I stopped using these ding dang ear buds.
RA: omg you found ur NBD's?
RA: finally lmao
Linc: Yeah, the auto dictation thing is kind of annoying.
Linc: Anways, what's up?
RA: get this:
RA: u know the new Phoebe Powers movie coming up?
Linc: Yeah, it's all you ever talk about, nerd.
RA: screw u, lame-o. PP rules.
Linc: Haha
RA: shut up
Linc: You said "PP"
RA: cierra la boca
Linc: No.
RA: whatever
RA: annnnnnywaaaaaaaaaaays
RA: abuelo danny oversees the stuntwork for her movies
RA: and get this
RA: r u still there?
Linc: What, yeah?
Linc: I've been staring at my phone for like 3 minutes
RA: okay cool
Linc: Waiting for an answer
RA: sorry, just wanted to make sure u were there
Linc: Weirdo.
RA: screw
RA: u!
RA: ahem
Linc: Did you just text "ahem"
RA: screw u 2 the 2nd power
RA: they r shooting her new movie, Payback Revenge: Small Town Rumble
RA: in
RA: FREAKIN
Linc: Language.
RA: ROYAL WOODS!
RA: that wasn't even a cuss dude
Linc: It was a joke
RA: whatever
RA: annnnnnnnywaaaaaays
RA: they start shooting TOMORROW and me and the familia r gonna be there
RA: abuelo danny got us a AWESOME bed and breakfast by tall timbers park for THE WHOLE MONTH!
RA: r u still there
Linc: Yeah.
Linc: That
Linc: FUCKING
Linc: RULES!
RA: language
Linc: No time for that, Ronnie Anne.
Linc: Wow! I'm really looking forward to seeing you guys!
Linc: I missed you.
RA: I missed you too. A lot.
RA: ahem
RA: stop typing. yes, I did say "ahem"
Linc: lmao
RA: annnnnnnnnnywaaaaays I'll talk 2 u later, dude, gotta pack
RA: and break the news 2 my crew
Linc: Cool! I'll let everyone in my end know too.
You excitedly switch to the Family Group Message and break the news and then switch to the #Story-Leads channel for the Action Game Team dischord group and let them know too. Your phone starts vibrating like crazy and you quickly put it on silent. You still have those 5 New Notifications to answer but you got some stuff to clean up around your room first.
You quickly pack up your comic book collection and grimace at your Lack of Mylar Bags and throw the collection up on a shelf. You shove your toys and action figures (That you rarely play with now anyways) in their [Toy Chest]. You gather up your ARRRGH! supplies, one [Spirit Box], a [Ghost Blaster], an [EMP Reader], and your trusty [Digital Spirit Catcher] into a purple backpack and slide it under your bed. You then work on collecting your [Rip Hardcore Survivalist Gear] and place it into your [Rip Hardcore Survivalist Messenger Bag] (An appeasement gesture/Christmas gift from The Dude With The 'Tude himself, Chandler McCann) and sling it over your [RH Foldable Camping Chair/Utility Shovel] that sits in front of your dresser/desk. You then work on beating dust off of your [Daniel Steele Cosplay Tux] that may or may not be stuffed to the brim with [Possibly Illegal Spy Gear] provided by Lisa and hang it up in your Armoire and lay your [Grappling Hook] gingerly beneath it, not wanting to accidentally set it off and make another hole in the drywall.
Taking a peek in your Armoire you sigh in relief that you packed up your winter clothes ahead of time. All you have hanging up are those [5 Polos], you baby blue [Convincing Suit], [Pop-Pop's Old Bomber Jacket], A [Key Comics Consultant Windbreaker], and an orange and black plaid [Rip Hardcore Rugged Blade-Proof Hiking Flannel]. You think that maybe some [Outerwear] might increase your STATS.
As a member of the illustrious league of "GAMERS" you have a natural intuitive perception of your various STATS and SKILLS. All you have to do is find a Mirror and Scope Your Whole Deal Out. You do just that and stare yourself down at the mirror placed above your dresser. You just showered so your hair is still a little bit wet.
LINCOLN "The Man With the Plan" LOUD
CURRENT BRANCH & TREE: "Silver_Tongue_Shuffler" "ARCANA 01: MAGICIAN"
Guile: 7
Poise: 6
Smarts: 5
Body: 3
Skills:
Stage Magician: 5
Agent: 5
ARRRGHonaut: 5
Spaded Sleuth: 5
Comic Book Nerd: 10
Gamer: 6
Convincer: 7
Special Traits:
"Lady Luck's Main Squeeze"
"Archimedes Eudaimonia: The Architect of the MAZE"
"Alabaster Argent"
"The Drifting Duke"
KARMA LEVEL:
-3 "Bad_Boy_With_A_Heart_Of_Copper"
DANGER
Code BURNT ORANGE:
Any RULE BREAKING will be met HARSHLY due to NEGATIVE KARMA
Code GAINSBORO:
The SEAL is BREAKING
Code COMMODORE:
LORI ALERT
A lot of room for improvement. You'd think with all that time you've spent with Lynn your Body would be higher, but maybe all those hours sitting on your [Laptop] might have counterracted that. Those Special Traits seem kinda odd, you could always ask yourself for a reminder later.
But you're snapped out of it as you realize that someone has been banging on your door for the last minute. One of your Sisters vying for your attention. Placing that mesh [Oversized Laundry Bag] in front of the door was a good decision as whoever it was was trying in vain to open the door. Seeing as the door is still on its hinges you reckon it's not Lynn.
Luckily your Poise is high enough to remain undetected for a while.
You quickly grab your [Blue Backpack] and scan the room. You have enough space to grab Three Items to place in your Inventory. And enough time to snag up some Outerwear to boost your Stats.
It's now time to make a Plan, Man. Do you plan on Answering the Door? Or do you want to Exit Stage-Left through your window? You've figured out how to tuck and roll this year, probably not going to kill you. Your Sisters have your number anyways, and the whole Summer to Meddle In Your Affairs.
Summer Vacation has started.
It's time to Choose Your Own Adventure.
It's been a while. Or maybe it hasn't.
You didn't read any of that. This ISN'T a CYOA. Instead it's a DCYOA. Think of it as a fic written in the same format as a CYOA.
It's basically just homestuck now. If you have any questions about this fic please PM me.