Crossover City

by Gamer95

Welcome to a world where all your favourite characters live together in one city, where they get up to all sorts of crazy antics, drive each other up the wall, and support each other like good friends should. Mega crossover fic in collab with SaiKunaiBlade

2. Chapter 2

Stanley got a peaceful night's sleep and woke up bright and early in the morning, doing his morning routines, like feeding Milo and taking him outside, getting his own breakfast, brushing his teeth, showering, etc. All the while getting occasional glimpses of what his neighbors were doing outside.

It was...interesting, to say the least. From the looks of things, Ian and Reese had riled up the neighbourhood, as they were riding a cow down the street, getting chased by everyone with torches and pitchforks.

"Oh, boy. This can't be good." Stanley said as he hurried up and got dressed, before heading outside. Roughly half of the mob chasing them had rushed past, before he spotted Jack and ran up to him. "Oh, man. What's happening now?" He asked.

"Ah. Well, it would appear that the two of them have damaged their gardens." Indeed, the gardens were in ruin, his own included. "Have no concern, my friend. This is a common occurence... I know how to fix it."

Stanley realized there were a few people he had yet to meet, but he figured now wasn't the best time to go up and introduce himself.

"Right. Well, hopefully this can be resolved peacefully. I'm going out to look for a job. Wish me luck!" Stanley said as he got in his car and drove the opposite way of the mob once they passed his house.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Crazy kids..." He mumbled. As he drove, he noted just what a short drive it would really be. Town was safely within walking distance.

"Nice. So I can walk to town pretty easily, too. That's nice. Saves me money and saves the Earth from that C02." Stanley noted as he looked around for any help wanted signs.

Eventually, he came upon a parking lot, and he decided that it would be easier to go job hunting on foot. Parking the vehicle, he stepped out and began the quest to find new job.

Stanley walked into a thrift store, looking around for any help wanted signs when he saw a man who looked kind of nerdy, wearing a white T-shirt with a pocket protector and glasses. "Hey, do you know if they're hiring here?" He asked.

The man turned around with a frown. "Nah, this place is never hiring, it's always the same people..." Then his eye caught something. "What the f**k?! Thirty dollars for a copy of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde?! I'd rather pay thirty dollars for a fat male prostitute to shove an entire stripper pole down my throat until it pops out my asshole!"

"Oh, man. That's... quite the colorful description. But you're right, thirty dollars is a pretty ridiculous price for such an old movie game." Stanley said, looking at all the absurd prices.

"Damn right, especially shitty ones like these! Look, they got Silver F*ckup, Superbitch 64, Dickhead Tracy, all kinds of shit! I have these shitty games, they all suck ass! What were they thinking?!" The Nerd exclaimed.

"I don't know. They might have started out as good ideas, but the way they were executed just didn't turn out the way people were hoping for." Stanley said, hoping not to make the Nerd any angrier.

"Yeah, you got that right... These are such big name games, we were expecting something totally badass and fun... But all we get is a console stuffed with a pound of rotting, decomposing dog turds..." The Nerd lamented sadly. "It's the ultimate betrayal, man..."

"Okay then. Well, do you happen to know of any stores around here that are hiring at the moment?" Stanley asked, getting a bit overwhelmed by the fury of The Nerd.

The Nerd shrugged his shoulders. "Hell if I know, I don't pay attention to that shit." It seemed he maintained his foul language even when he was speaking normally.

"O... kay then. Have a good day, then." Stanley said, quickly walking away and searching for any other forms of employment. He then saw a girl with blonde hair in a blue barret and short skirt. Judging by the GIANT guns she was holding, he assumed she was a security guard (Noel). "Wow... Is that the security uniform here?" He asked, taken aback.

The girl blinked at the sound of his voice, then turned around, blushing heavily. "Um... I'm sorry, but... do you think you can stop staring please...? This outfit's a little bit embarrassing..." She said sheepishly, fiddling with her skirt a little.

"O-oh, yeah. Sorry." He said, averting his eyes. "So, is there any openings in security? I may not look it, but I've had to handle myself in a few scraps." Stanley said, remembering the few fights he'd been in without the mask.

Noel looked thoughtful. "Um... Well, I don't think so, but... I think the bank is hiring..." She offered. Stanley felt relief. Banking was something he knew how to do well. It was what he went to college for after all.

"Alright, then. Thanks for the head's up." He said, heading out of the building and strolling down to the bank, which did indeed have a Help Wanted sign in the window.

He smiled and confidently entered the building, holding up his resume, approaching the front desk with intent to submit it.

He reached the desk and looked around for anyone to come to his service. "Hello? I saw you had a help wanted sign! I was hoping to put in my application." He called.

A man with short red hair, a moustache and a heavy brooklyn accent emerged from behind the desk, groaning tiredly. Looking at the nameplate, he saw the man was named 'Brooklyn T. Guy.' "Yes, yes, I did fall asleep at my desk, I can't help it, I work at every single place in this town, and my wife snores like a freaking dump truck, so I don't get very much sleep. So what's this about a resume? You looking for a position?"

Stanley was a little caught off-guard by this man, but nodded. "Uh, yes. I am here to fill a position." He confirmed, looking around a bit more, getting a good scope of the place.

"Oh, thank god, a guy that sounds normal! Right now all we have working here is an ex cat burglar that refuses to follow dress code, an angry old guy and the living embodiment of all that is bad in the world." Stanley looked to see three people in the break room. One was a tan skinned woman with platinum blonde hair in a bowl cut. She had two black cat ears, with a tail to match, and the revealing outfit she wore got him blushing slightly. She wore a name tag around her neck like a collar. It said 'Nadia Fortune'. The second was a short elderly man, balding, with squinty eyes, a red sweater, brown pants and crossed arms. His nametag was posted on his shirt. It said 'Walter'. And the third was a rather pudgy man wearing a plaid shirt and brown shorts that were hiked up to his belly button. His name tag said 'Stevie'.

"Well, this is certainly an interesting group that you have here." Stanley said, awkwardly waving to the group, before looking back to the man interviewing him.

"Yeah. Interesting... Constant cat puns, neverending crticisms of literally every single thing I do and an ear-bleeding nasally voce. Uh... You sure you wanna work here? I wouldn't blame ya if you wanna back out now." Guy said flatly.

"Well, I worked at a bank for my last job... It's really all I know how to do. Plus, I'm used to putting up with really terrible coworkers." Stanley said, thinking of Charlie and Mr. Dickey. "I think I'll be able to handle it." He says.

"All right, sounds good. You start tomorrow." Stanley blinked at how easily he got the job. "Uh...Yeah, I'm just desperate for some normal company? The closest thing I get to enjoyment here is sneaking a glance at Nadia every now and then... Hey, don't look at me like that, I have to go home every night to saggy hoo-hoos, burnt dinner and "Boidie, how was work?! Boidie, did you buy lightbulbs?! Boidie, lemme tell you all about the whole lot of nothing I did while you were working ten million jobs so I can lounge around the house all day!' I gotta take what I can get, all right?!" Brooklyn Guy ranted irately, clearly unhappy with his marriage.

"O...kay then. See you tomorrow." Stanley said, heading out with a smile, both surprised and happy he was able to get a job so easily. "That was nice. Now I wonder where I could get a good bite to eat around here." He said, before noticing a place right across the street he'd already heard of a few times now: Dingo's Diner.

He remembered the announcement on the radio. It had a failing health grade... but at the same time, some places with particularly good food had failing health grades as well... "Eh. Might as well give it a fair shot." He shrugged.

He then entered the building and looked for a free table, soon finding an open seat and sitting down. Soon enough, Dingodile is in front of him with a notepad. "Oi, neighbor! Good to see ya! So, what'll ya be havin'?" Dingodile asked as he got ready to write down the order.

He looked over the menu. "Hmm... Let's see... Ah, guess I'll try something simple today and have the burger."

"Ah, top choice that is, mate! Oi, Patty! Come attend to the customer, eh? Can't watch cartoons on the job, now, can ya?"

A rather grumpy young teenage girl with short red hair approached. "All right, all right..." Dingodile retreated into the kitchen to do the cooking. "Okay, bub, glass of water, soda, what'll it be?" She asked, trying to come off as friendly in her own rough-and-tumble kind of way. Stanley idly noted that she had only one green eye, an eyepatch covering the other, and one of her arms seemed to be missing...

"Um... I'll have a root beer, please." Stanley stated as he looked over the drink options, before looking back at the girl taking his drink order. "And thank you in advance." He said.

The girl nodded and wrote that down. "Right, one root beer... Heh, betcha wish the boss man had the good stuff, eh? Out of towners always complain about that..." She muttered to herself in a joking manner. "All righty, one root beer comin' up!" She walked off, and Stanley looked around the restaraunt to see the other employees. There was another girl around Patricia's age that wore a name tag that said 'Marie'. A bearded man with a small parrot in his shoulder with a nametag that said 'Jon'. And... the Brooklyn Guy from back at the bank?

"Wow, he must have a lot of jobs. Either that or he's got a twin brother. Oh well, maybe I'll ask him about it later." Stanley decided as he waited for his drink and meal.

A few monents later, the orange haired girl returned with a glass of root beer on a small tray. "Here ya go, boss man, chug it down!"

"Uh, thanks, but I'll just drink it regularly." Stanley said, taking a few gulps from it, before setting it down and letting out a satisfied breath of air. "Ah, tasty."

Patricia grinned. "Yeah, the supermarket does a bang-up job, heh. Well, ring the bell if ya need anything!" And with that, she took off to watch the in-house TV some more.

"I will, thanks." Stanley said gratefully, then continued to look around the place, noticing a few other interesting characters sitting around while he waited for his burger.

There was a small skeleton wearing a blue hoodie. There was a schoolgirl wearing a small hat over her dark hair sitting with a smaller timid schoolgirl with brown hair, piercing red eyes and odd scars across her face. There was a muscular blonde man with sunglasses and a black t-shirt attempting to flirt with a woman with a long bushy squirrel tail... and not really getting anywhere by the looks of it.

"Hey, Stanley, what's up?" Stanley turned to see a small group of people he knew approaching his table, the group consisting of Grif, Caboose, Subaru and Mizore. "Mind if we take a seat?"

"Hey, guys! Sure, feel free to sit down." Stanley offered, scooching over a bit to make more room at the table. "So, I just got done job hunting, which was actually surprisingly easy. what are you guys up to?" He asked them.

Grif sighed as he took a seat. "Ah, Sarge was barking orders, told me and Caboose to go count all the pebbles on the trail. Pretty sure he just wanted us out of his sight or something, so we decided to head out into town. Bumped into Subaru here, he just wanted to go get a bag of chips from the store, but Caboose decided he looked lonely and dragged him along. And Mizore, uh... she just kinda popped up. Like... with no indication she was ever in the area."

"I see. Well, that's a neat coincidence." Stanley said, unsure of what else to say, or even really what to make of that whole crazy scenario. "So, I just got a burger since it's my first time, didn't want to try anything too wild. What are some of your guys' favorites here?" Stanley asked.

"Aw, dude, Dingo makes the most kickass little pizzas! I don't even care that he gets a few of his hairs in it sometimes!" Grif exclaimed.

"Yeah, those are good, but if you think they hold a candle to the ribs, you're senile!" Subaru replied with a grin.

"Hmm... I rather like the roadkill pie." Mizore admitted.

"I like the little ice cubes they put in the water. They're crunchy." Caboose said.

"Caboose, you know that isn't food, right? I mean, it's okay to eat the ice if you want, but I was talking about like actual food, like burgers or pizza." Stanley explained. Although he had to admit, all the things they listed sounded great... Except maybe the roadkill pie, but he'd have to keep an open mind.

"Oooooh. I like cookies."

"Um... I don't think they serve cookies here?"

"I know. But you asked for my favourite food, so it's cookies."

"I guess that's fair." Stanley said.

"Oh, man. When is the waitress coming back so we can order? I'm starved." Grif groaned.

"You're always starved." Mizore said with a deadpan.

"Hey, I'm a growing boy!" Grif protested.

"Dude." Subaru said flatly.

"...Growing middle aged man then." Grif 'corrected'.

Stanley wasn't sure how to respond to this. Luckily, he didn't have to, as Dingodile returned and placed his burger with a large side of fries and a pickle spear in front of him. "There, ya go, Stanley! One o' me classics." He said, before noticing the others. "Ah, me regulars! Including me best customer! Put 'er there, Grif!" Dingodile said, shaking Grif's hand. "What'll ya be having?" He asked.

"Oh, you know all too well what I'm having," Grif replied with a grin.

"Hahahaha! Ah yes, ya always go for the usual! Two fresh pizzas coming right up! And the rest of you?"

Everyone placed their order, Caboose asking for the shepherd's pie at Dingodile's recommendation when he didn't know what he wanted, and they sat around to wait.

Another waitress approached, the white haired one named 'Marie.' She held a perfectly neutral expression and gave a light bow. "Greetings. I will be responsible for the rest of your drinks. What will you have?" She asked in a monotone voice that made Mizore sound downright expressive.

"I will have milk, please." Caboose said.

"Same for me." Mizore said.

"And I'll go for a root beer." Grif requested.

"Ahd uh...I'll take a seven up, I guess..." Subaru said. Marie blinked.

"Hmm. It's not often we see you in town, Subaru. You really should spend time with the others more. We worry." The young maid said calmly.

"Right...I'll keep that in mind..." Subaru said quietly, looking unsure.

"I guess you're a bit of a shut-in, huh, Subaru? I used to be a lot like that, too." Stanley said, remembering the few times he'd go out on the town with Charlie, usually after much begging from his friend.

It usually ended poorly with Charlie putting his foot in his mouth and getting the both of them either thrown out, chased down by an angry bigger man, or both. There was a reason their outings had been rare.

"But, this city seems a lot nicer and more fun than my old one. Probably a lot less likely to get beat up around here too." Stanley said, groaning at the memory of when him and Charlie were usually caught by the bigger man.

To say the least, the Mask usually came out that night... He was a bit vengeful at the best of times, he couldn't help it.

"Yeah, as long as you don't say you like or wear the color blue around Sarge or tell Ian and Reese to do anything that makes sense, you should be fine." Grif assured him.

Stanley frowned. "But... three of your guys wear blue armour, how does that..." Then he noticed multiple shotgun shells wedged in Caboose's armour. "...Ah."

"Yeah, Mr. Sarge likes playing catch, only instead of a ball, he shoots his shotgun and throws grenades at us instead. It's a little dangerous, but it's still fun." Caboose confirmed.

The rest of the group looked a little uneasy at that, particularly the purple haired Mizore. "There's a reason I don't visit them..."

"You don't wear much Blue, Mizore. Maybe a bit of aquamarine and purple, but those aren't necessarily blue." Stanley stated, but then again this hatred from Sarge sounded extreme.

"It's the eyes, mostly. Sarge tries to keep it together around anyone that isn't Caboose, Tucker or Church, so that means his trips to the therapist are working." Grif explained.

"That's one impressive therapist. All the shrinks around my old city were... very unenthusiastic, really. They weren't very effective in their jobs." Stanley said.

"Heh... Yeah, some guys just see it as an excuse to grab a paycheque... Uh... My parents convinced me to try a therapist once, and...he didn't care..." Subaru mumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry to hear that, Subaru." Stanley said sympathetically.

"Yeah, Church wanted me to go see a therapist, but Tucker also said they're called shrinks, so I don't want to go to someone who might shrink me." Caboose said.

"What do you need a therapist for? You're the happiest guy I've ever met." Subaru said in surprise.

"Church said maybe they could find out what caused my brain to get rattled around when I was born. I don't know what that means, but I guess it doesn't matter."

"So, I guess Church isn't the most sensitive guy around, is he?" Stanley asked. He could likely see the soldier being at odds with the mask, should they ever encounter each other.

"Yeah, the guy's a total asshole. Even he admits it." Grif chuckled, shaking his head. "I swear he spends half his free time just coming up with ways and excuses to get pissed with us and insult us... But then, the world gives him tons of crap in return, so it kinda evens out."

"Yikes... I don't think I'd wanna be that guy." Stanley said, before looking to Mizore. "So, Mizore, you're in high school, right? What are you studying right now, or do you have an idea of what to go to college for?" He asked.

"Hmm... Honestly I'm just looking for a future mate. Snow women have a very strict timeline to have children and I need to do my part to continue the species." She drawled, resting her chin atop the table.

"O-oh... I see." He said awkwardly taking a bite of some of his fries. (Note to self: pick dinner topics carefully with these people.) He mentally admonished himself.

"I also want to be a professional figure skater." Mizore spoke up once more. "It looks fun and the outfits are cute."

"Oh, that's a pretty neat idea. Just something about how they glide across the ice the way they do is so majestic." Stanley said, before Dingodile came back and piled the rest of their food in front of them.

"There ya go, mates! Enjoy!" Dingo told them.

"Sweeeet!" Grif cheered before grabbing a slice of his pizza and taking a huge bite. Oh how he had desperately missed the taste of pizza... "You have no idea how hard this stuff was to come by when I was stuck in that canyon."

"Yeah, those canyon delivery services aren't the best." Subaru joked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, that does look pretty good. I might have to try that next time." Stanley said as he looked at the pizza, which looked just as good, maybe better than some of the pizzas from big chain restaurants.

"Dude, do it. You will thank me always." Grif replied through a mouthful of food. Stanley idly noted that he had only half taken his helmet off, leaving his mouth exposed but the rest of his face covered by the helmet's visor.

"So, you guys are pretty serious about keeping those helmets on all the time, huh?" Stanley asked, trying to peak under a bit to see if he could see any more of Grif's face.

Grif shrugged. "Yeah, Sarge told us to keep our faces at least partially covered at all times. Paranoid old bastard..."

"I see. That's interesting. Gotta be at least a little uncomfortable, though, right?" Stanley asked. Every time he took off the mask, he always felt a bit short of breath, like he'd been wearing a rubber mask he couldn't breathe well inside.

"Actually, these things are a lot more well ventilated than you'd think. Breathing isn't really an issue. Now bathing, on the other hand, is borderline impossible." Grif rolled his eyes beneath the helmet.

"Oh, yeah. I could definitely see that being an issue." Stanley said with a nod. "So, Subaru, what do you go to school for? Or what's your big dream?" He asked.

Subaru rubbed the back of his head. "Uh... I don't really have one... I'm kinda just... going through the motions at this point..."

"Yeah, I can get that. That's all most of us really can do, right?" Stanley says as he takes a bite of his burger, then takes a drink of his soda.

Subaru nodded. "Yeah, I guess... Still... I feel like I should know by now... That I should have found something I'm passionate about enough to pursue as a career..." Stanley could tell the boy was insecure.

"Well, maybe you just gotta get out there, you know? Experience things, look into different careers or hobbies until you find something that you can be passionate about. Right, Grif? I'm assuming you're a passionate guy. Orange is considered the color or passion." Stanley said.

Grif snorted. Then he began to laugh out loud. "Oh, man, that's a good one, man! You should be a comedian! Here, gimme five!" Grif raised his hand to high-five Stanley, only to see how confused the man looked. "...Oh, you're serious? Heh... Uh... Nah. No real passion here, dude. I'm living in the woods surrounded by weirdos for god's sake."

"Oh... My bad, then..." Stanley said.

"Yeah. It does seem strange you reds and blues all live together in the woods. I would've thought you'd split up a while ago by now." Mizore says.

"We had our breakups in the past." Grif shrugged.

"Sarge is quite a handful, so that's no surprise." Subaru shrugged, remembering the interactions he'd had with the soldier when he'd walk in the forest to clear his head.

"So, any places in town you guys like to hang out?" Stanley asked. Sure he'd asked Cream and Vanilla, but these guys seem like they get out more and visit less child-centric locations.

"Hell yeah, they got a kickass bowling alley here, they have a theme park with some damn good food stands, pretty sweet movie theater, you're definitely not short on options." Grif replied with a nod.

"I like to go on the pony outside the grocery store. Sometimes Church gives me quarters and tells me to go away." Caboose said.

"Nice. The only real place we had to go back in my old city was a park or a night club, which was nice, but ridiculously hard to get into. I tried to go in with my buddy once and they threw me onto the curb." He explained.

"Ha! They do that to us all the time. Usually because Sarge starts chasing people with his shotgun or Donut won't stop criticizing everyone's outfit..."

"Or Grif won't stop eating all the food." Mizore interrupted the orange clad red.

Stanley laughed a bit at this. "Wow, never a dull moment with you guys, is there?" He asked.

"Everyone in town's interesting enough to keep this place from getting even close to boring." Subaru shrugged his shoulders. "Not a lot of average joes around here."

"I see. That's good. And nobody's too over the top, either. Maybe Ian and Reese, or Deadpool, but that's about it. My old city had a lot of crazies." Stanley said.

"Oh, crazy stuff happens here all the time. Like last week, we had a big race, and no one could catch up to Ian and Reese. They won the race, but the third place winner got to beat them up!" Caboose said.

"I'm not sure that's how races work." Stanley said, making a mental note to always come in 4th or lower in any event he takes place in. "So, who came in third?"

"Kurumu. And it wasn't a race, everyone in town was just mad at those two that day." Mizore explained.

"Oh." Stanley said. Another mental note: while this town seemed okay with crazy shenanigans, better make sure the Mask doesn't get too out of line.

Granted, the mask would probably bear the brunt of everyone's ire, but he still didn't want to risk drawing anyone's ire.

"Yeah! And then they put on a magic show! The flying girl started clawing them with her nails and they made ketchup fly out of their bodies! I still can't figure out how they did the trick. I've tried. The only thing that comes out of me is blood." Caboose said, everyone looking at him to see he had red stains in several spots on his armor, before he suddenly collapsed.

"Dude, have you been trying that again the entire time the rest of us were talkiing?!" Grif exclaimed as Subaru started tending to the wounds the best he could.

"Yes. I'll get it someday." Caboose said weakly.

"Should we call an ambulance for him?" Stanley asked.

"I've got it." Mizore said, making ice over the stains, freezing the wounds closed. "That should do until he gets real help." She said.

"Real help... That's what he needs more than you know." Grif said flatly.

"I'm cold now. Is it snowing out? Does that mean it's christmas time? Is santa coming soon? I was good this year."

Mizore makes her ice claws, preparing to knock Caboose out and spare them all from his stupidity.

Subaru raised his hands and stood in front of the downed soldier. "Hey, hey, no need for that, he's cool!" He said frantically.

She puts her claws away.

"So, what were your plans for after this?" Stanley asked.

"Eh, just wander around aimlessly." Grif shrugged.

"Yeah, same here." Stanley nodded.

And so with that, after finishing and paying for their meals, the group wandered around the town, looking for any way to entertain themselves and pass the time.

Stanley noticed a large, old fashioned building and took pause. "Hey, what's this place?"

"Oh, that's the town theater. We kinda have a live-in theatre troupe that does plays every month or so." Subaru explained.

"Hey, that sounds pretty cool. Maybe we ought to check it out." Stanley said. He'd always been a fan of the theatre, which is why the Mask tended to use so many jokes from plays and operas.

"Eh, sure, why not?" Grif shrugged. "Charlie's always excited to meet new people." Stanley chuckled. So there was another guy named Charlie here, huh? Mizore seemed to sense what he was thinking.

"No, Charlie is a girl."

"Oh. I see. I guess it can be a girl's name, too, I've just never heard it as one before now." Stanley said, a bit surprised.

"Her real name is Charlotte. She just prefers Charlie. You think her name's weird, her girlfriend's name is Vaggie." Grif explained with a chuckle.

"Wow, that is uh... I'm afraid to comment on that." Stanley said.

"If you think that's crazy, get this: Charlie is the princess of Hell." Mizore informed him.

"Yeah, she looks like a clown and sometimes she gets scary horns and can make fire, but she's really nice." Caboose said.

Stanley stared blankly at that tidbit of information. "The princess of HELL?! Well why's she all the way up here?!" He exclaimed, shocked.

"She ah... doesn't get much respect where she's from... So she made this place to get away from it all." Subaru explained.

"Yeah, but you'd think she could send anyone messing with her to double-hell or something, right? Or burn them alive with her fire powers or something? She's the princess of hell! She should be every bit as evil as that sounds... to the people being mean to her, at least." Grif said.

"She wants to be nice and not use her influence or power to hurt people, Grif." Mizore huffed.

"Well, she must have quite a bit of self restraint." Stanley remarked. "I wonder if they're free right now..."

"Hey, Charlie's always eager to meet new people. She'd be happy for us to step in." Subaru remarked.

"I just hope Alastor's not there." Mizore says, shivering a bit.

"No kidding. Smiles gives me the fucking creeps." Griff agreed.

"I like him. He sounds like Sheila's radio." Caboose said.

"He WAS Sheila's radio at one point. He possessed her radio and played old cheesy jazz songs all night." Grif reminded his crewmate.

"Well. There's nothing wrong with the classics." Stanley said.

"But there's A LOT wrong with Alastor." Mizore stated.

"Hahahaha! Oh, you kids are such a hoot!" A new voice sounded out. It sounded like it was coming from an old time radio, and it made everyone but Stanley and Caboose tense up.

"Hi Alastor! I saw static again, did you teleport?" Caboose asked.

"F*ck! Stop doing that!" Grif yelled.

"Why do you have to do that?" Mizore asked.

"Oh? Why, because your reactions are amusing! Ah! And who might this fellow be?"

Stanley found the demonic deer man looming over him in an intimidating manner.

"Oh, his name is Stanley. He just moved here, he seems pretty fun. Something about that mask he had earlier seemed a little weird, though." Caboose said, revealing he has seen Stanley with the mask earlier.

Alastor quirked a brow at that, seeming intrigued by this new tidbit of information. Then he let out a jovial laugh at the expression on Stanley's face. "Oh, come now, my good man, no need to look so worried! I don't bite... much anymore!"

"What a ringing endorsement." Grif said sarcastically.

"Still he has made progress. I think Charlie has him whipped." Mizore said with a small smirk.

"Oh, your harsh words wound me, my dear!" Alastor chuckled. "But don't you think for a moment I've lost my edge."

As he said this, he tilted his head to the side and loomed over Mizore in an eerie manner, just to prove he still had it.

Mizore gulped and nodded, creating an ice dome around herself to keep him away. "So, can we have a play date with Charlie, Alastor?" Caboose asked.

Alastor considered it before shrugging. "We're quite slow today, so I don't see why not! You're always a joy to have around, Caboose! Such lovely insanity and hijinks ensue! Hahahahaha! And I suppose Miss Charlie would love to meet Stanley." The deer demon addressed Stanley with a polite bow.

"Oh, well, I'd be honored to meet her as well." Stanley said, returning the bow.

"Prepare for enough sweetness to cause diabetes." Grif told him.

Stanley smiled. "I spent all day hanging out with Cream yesterday."

"Ah, fair point." Grif chuckled. Everyone adored that little rabbit...

"Indeed. Such a sweet little thing she is. I could just eat her up!" Alastor declared.

"Please tell me that was a figure of speech." Mizore said.

Alastor just laughed. That creeped everyone out.

"Well, no sense in further dilly-dallying! Please, come in, come, come!" He held the door open.

They all headed into the hotel, looking around at the extravagant art, decorations and furniture style. "Wow, this place is really top notch." Stanley said as he looked around.

"But of course! Our dear friend Charlie spares no expense when it comes to the art of theater! Why, her passion is the thing about her that swayed me to her side!" Alastor agreed, clapping a friendly hand on Stanley's shoulder.

"She sounds like a great person. I can't wait to meet her." Stanley said.

"Oh, my gosh! Guys! It's so good to see you!" Charlie cried out, rushing around and hugging each of them.

"Yaaaay, Charlie!" Caboose hugged back, and despite the audible crack in her spine, Charlie just giggled.

"It's good to see you, Caboose, I... Oh. My. Gosh! Someone new!" She squeed.

Stanley was surprised at her level of energy, but that was starting to become common, so he just rolled with it. "Yeah, hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Stanley Ipkiss. I just moved here." He explained.

Breaking out of Caboose's grip, the blonde demon rushed forward and eagerly grabbed his hand, shaking it rapidly. "It is SO good to meet you! Are you living here, did you just come into town to visit?!"

Stanley was shocked by her strength and enthusiasm, but smiled. "Yeah, I'm living here. I just bought a place not too far away and got a job just a few hours ago." He answered.

"Oh my gosh, you are gonna LOVE it here! I am SO glad to get another new member of our happy little city! We are gonna have SO much fun together, just you wait!" Stanley decided he already liked this woman.

"That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to it." Stanley said with a smile.

"So, how are the others?" Mizore asked.

"Oh, they're fine! Vaggie and Angel are a lot better lately-"

"THAT WAS MY POWDERED DOUGHNUT, YOU JACKASS!"

"I didn't touch it."

"THERE'S POWDER ALL OVER YOUR CHIN!"

"That's cocaine."

"Define better..." Grif said bluntly.

"Well, that second person sounds like quite the character." Stanley said, surprised someone would be so blunt about using a hard substance.

"Yeah, he's... trying." Was all Charlie said.

Stanley felt something nudge his foot and looked down to see a small pig looking up at him curiously. "Huh. Hey little fella." He knelt down and patted the little pig's head.

"Ahh, there you are, Fat Nugget. Here, piggy, piggy... Daddy wants some bacon." Alastor said, trying to coax over the mini pig.

"Dude, why not just cap him right here instead of wasting time trying to get him to come to you?" Griff said, aiming his gun at the pig.

Grif was promptly frozen solid by Mizore. "Not...cool..." He stuttered out through his icy prison. The one known as Angel Dust looked over.

"HEY! Grif, you better not be tryin' to turn my piggy into a meal again!" He stomped over, giving the frozen soldier a death glare. "I'll beat your fat ass so hard you'll be beggin' for Sarge to be the one punishin' ya!"

"Oh, so the pig is your pet. That's pretty cool. I've got a Jack Russel Terrier myself." Stanley said, looking at the strange creature before him, trying not to be rude or awkward.

The spider looked over at him with a small smirk. "Well hello there, handsome." He said with a wink.

"Dude, don't hit on other guys when you're dating Donut." Subaru warned the spider demon.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it if you didn't hit on me. I uh... don't swing that way."

The spider demon shrugged. "Guess ya don't swing that way. Ah, Franky'll be real bummed about that, heheh."

"They have an open relationship." Subaru whispered to Stanley. "Something about a mutual agreement that beauty can't be hogged or something."

"Oh." Stanley said.

"So, Charlie, did you guys have any big plans today?" Mizore asked.

Charlie shrugged her shoulders. "Mostly just rehearsing... Kinda hard to get much done thougn, since the Conductor and DJ Grooves are being a bit louder than usual... Can't usually hear them filming from the theater, they must be going all out on their movies this year."

"Oh. Are you guys gonna be in the movie, or no?" Stanley asked.

"I mean, Charlie and Angel can definitely sing. The rest of them? No f*cking way." Grif says bluntly.

Alastor narrowed his eyes, not losing the smile, and squeezed Grif's shoulder. "Oh, my good man... Do you wish for me to eat you? You always did look like you would be especially juicy."

"No thanks! I'm good! Besides, I think Mizore would be a better meal! She's a snow woman! She probably tastes like ice cream!" Grif cried out in a panic.

"What a gentleman, throwing me under the bus like that." Mizore said sarcastically.

Charlie shrugged her shoulders. "Nah, they're filming next door... They have a big rivalry going on, always trying to one up each other..."

Stanley just now noticed the sounds of disco music and loud explosions, as well as a rather angry scottish accent shouting "PECK NECKS!"

"Should we be concerned about that?" Stanley asked.

"Eh. Shit blows up around here at least once a day. You eventually learn to stop caring, unless its your home that got blown up, but most of us have insurance for that." Grif assured him.

Stanley hummed in response. Charlie turned to Subaru. "Soooo, are you suuuure you don't wanna join the troupe?"

"Ah, c'mon, you guys are awesome enough without a scrub like me holding you back!" Subaru tried to make it come off as a joke, but truthfully that was what he believed.

Charlie pouted. "You're not a scrub! I love your energy and sense of humour! You'd fit right in!" Stanley detected a hint of worry in the princess' tone. He too had picked up on Subaru's low self esteem.

"She's right, Subaru. You're lots of fun to be around." Mizore adds.

"Eh, so the kid doesn't want to do it, that's fine. Don't force him. If he wants to be an underachiever, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that. It works out great for me." Grif said with a shrug.

"You're overweight, constantly abused and belittled by your commanding officer, can't run for more than a minute without collapsing and get hit in your balls every day, and you think life's working out great for you?" Mizore asked with a tilted head. The saddest part was that she wasn't saying it to be mean, she was asking in earnest.

"Well, you don't have to be so mean about it..." Grif said sadly, looking down at the floor in shame.

Mizore simply tilted her head with a confused frown as Subaru patted the rotund man's shoulders in a comfortint manner. "No worries, Grif. Us losers need to stick together." Needless to say, that did not help.

Stanley tried to come up with something in order to change the conversation and make it less awkward and sad. "So, Charlie, what was this about a troupe again?" He asked.

Charlie perked up with a big smile. "Oooh, we're expanding our cast hiring people from in town now~! I'm so excited! We can put on bigger and better shows with more...enthusiastic actors." She smiled awkwardly over at a winged anthro cat who was clearly passed out drunk at a nearby table.

"I see..." Stanley said, once again unsure of how to respond.

"Husk, my friend... I thought we agreed you could only get black out drunk at night." Alastor told him, repeatedly poking him with his microphone.

The cat simply grunted in response and swatted at the microphone each time it tried to touch him. It reminded Stanley of a cat batting at its toy.

"Heh. Cute." Stanley laughed.

"Yeah, Husk hates being treated like a cat, but he always acts like one." Grif said.

The hungover cat demon responded by flipping Grif off, which Grif returned in kind. Stanley chuckled, then suddenly felt something tugging at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw a tiny one-eyed female demon. She was holding a damp washcloth. He leaned down. "Uh... hey there-" And then the demon shoved the washcloth in his face and began scrubbing.

"Oh, man. No offense, Mister, but your face is filthy! Almost as bad as Grif! That armor used to be gold, but now its orange, probably from all the sauces and stuff he's spilled on it." She said as she scrubbed his face down.

Stanley simply drooped and allowed himself to be cleaned off, making no fuss over the situation. When she pulled the cloth away, he simply looked forward in a rather bummed out manner. "Thank you..." He sighed. 'And I washed my face this morning too...'

"It probably had something to do with eating at Dingodile's place. You had a burger and fries. Those usually both have enough grease on them to fill a bathtub." Mizore told him.

The little demon's face turned into an annoyed glare. "Oh, that Dingodile! How many times do Marie and I have to clean that diner up before he gets the point and follows basic sanitation and health guides?!" She huffed.

"He's not gonna. He's set in his ways. But that's why everyone loves his place! At least he's passing health inspections now." Grif defended the mutated restaurant owner.

"By the skin of his teeth, my good man! And I wouldn't have it any other way! Why, the fresh meat he serves is the juciest, most tender I've ever had!" Alastor sided with Grif.

"I mean... doesn't he literally use bat droppings as a dip?" Subaru asked with a frown.

"That was on the original menu, when he was catering exclusively to swamp dwellers!" Grif exclaimed.

"People in swamps eat bat droppings?" Stanley asked with a frown.

"I dunno, probably! Why else would he have it?!" Grif replied.

"I think he's just trying to be artsy or something." Charlie shrugged.

"I think swamp dwellers would just be happy getting any kind of meal, so they weren't really picky about the menu." Mizore theorizes.

"I think the guy's just completely out of touch with what people wanna eat." Husk grumbled into the table.

"Well, dingoes are oppurtunistic prefstors, so it makes sense that he'd make his menu out of anything he can find." Stanley shrugged.

They all nod in understanding at this. "So, what show are you putting on this time, Charlier?" Mizore asks, looking at the demon princess.

"Well, we decided to tell an original story this time. And we have a new lead actress~!" She sang. "Come on!" She skipped backstage, and the rest of the group followed her. As they moved, the sound of someone singing became clear. It was a wonderful sound, the singer's operatic voice echoing throughout the theater.

"Ah-ha! I knew Squigly would be the big star in one of your shows sooner or later!" Subaru said with a grin, snapping his fingers.

Indeed, atop the stage stood a teenage girl wearing an elegant purple dress, her dark blue hair tied into a single ponytail as the other side covered her eye. The most striking parts about her were the single blood red eye, the stitched shut mouth, the light blue skin, and the skeletal creature that resembled a small serpentine dragon emerging from a hole in her head, occasionally adding his own lyrics to her song.

And the two watching het in the audience were quite striking as well. One was a young woman that embodied the very idea of 'loner goth'. She had dark black hair, pale skin, and her clothes, while retaining a dark colour, were practically see-through, which got Stanley to blush slightly and turn his attention to the other attendee.

It was a large bulky robot, primarily red in colour. It had piercing red eyes, a yellow helmet-like appendage around its head and large claw-like hands. Vaggie noticed Stanley's curiousity and explained.

"The girl onstage is named Sienna, but she lets her friends call her Squigly. The moody girl is Tharja, and the robot is Omega. Those three live together and have something of an odd friendship."

Stanley was surprised at this, but understood. "Wow, that's really neat. They certainly seem like a tight knit group." He said awkwardly as he looked at them all.

The young zombie finished her song, and her two companions applauded, Omega's metallic hands reverberating throughout the room.

"Wow. Great acoustics in here." Stanley said.

"It's a theatre. That's kind of the point." Mizore told him.

Charlie grabbed his hand and led him in. "Come on, come meet them, you should meet everyone in town, we all know each other!" She said eagerly.

"Really? Wow, that's pretty impressive." Stanley said as they went out to meet the group onstage.

"Hey, guys! Check it out! New meat in town." Angel says saucily.

The trio turned their attention to Stanley. Squigly was the first to step up. She hopped down from the stage and approached with a warm friendly smile. "Oh, hello there! So nice to meet you!" She said with a polite curtsy.

"Indeed! A pleasure, most certainly!" The creature in her head agreed in a masculine voice.

Stanley was finally starting to get used to the madness around here, but the head creature still made him jump a little. "Oh, wow. Hey there. Pleasure to meet all of you as well." He said.

The zombie-like girl giggled as her two companions approached. Tharja looked visibly intrigued, yet somewhat exasperated. "Another new face... And here I thought I was done with Squigly pushing me to make friends."

"Nothing wrong with making new friends. My name is Stanley." He introduced himself properly to the girls and the robot.

"GREETIHGS, HUMAN KNOWN AS STANLEY. I AM E-123 OMEGA. MY COMPANIONS ARE SQUIGLY, LEVIATHAN AND THARJA. BUT I PRESUME YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN INFORMED OF THIS." Omega said.

"Y-yeah, I've been informed. Nice to meet you, Omega." Stanley confirmed.

"Yeah, Omega's definitely one of the best robots ever. He would be the best ever if he agreed to help fix Lopez's language chip!" Grif explained, yelling the last part at the robot.

"I AM A ROBOT. NOT A MECHANIC. DOCTOR CORTEX IS THE ONE YOU WISH TO DISCUSS THIS WITH."

"Cortex couldn't fix it either!"

"A VERY COMPLEX PIECE OF MACHINERY INDEED."

"Can't you just learn the language Lopez speaks? Sure, it may take time, but it could be interesting, right?" Stanley asked.

"He knows Spanish. He's just too lazy to speak two languages." Mizore said.

"That also happens to be why no one had changed his settings. The Spanish dialect is all part of Lopez's charm." Subaru said with a grin and a thumbs up.

"And it makes him sound funny when he's mad." Caboose piped up.

"Which is practically all the time, because you idiots act like you understand him when you don't." Vaggie said in annoyance, feeling sympathetic for the robot, being one of the few people who can understand him.

"I understand him well enough to know that he's an asshole. Does that count for anything?" Vaggie gave Grif an annoyed look. Subaru chuckled and smirked.

"Evidently, you never bothered to pay attention in Spanish class! You underestimate the skills knowing a second language can give you! For example... Vaggie! Te sarias conmigo!"

Vaggie snorted into her hand. "Sorry, Subaru, I'm already spoken for."

Subaru blushed. "Ah crap, what does my textbook say about saying 'how you doing' again?!" He pulled a small Spanish dictionary out of his sweatshirt.

"Nice try, though." Mizore said.

"And very entertaining." Alastor laughed.

Subaru groaned and gave up, shoulders slumping. "And I was so sure I was getting the hang of it..."

"Oh, come now, you mustn't get discouraged! You aren't going to become an expert at a foreign language just from attending highschool!" Leviathan encouraged.

"Easy for you to say... You know every language known to man..." Subaru sulked. He just wanted one thing he excelled at! One!

"Well, it's not easy learning a new language. It takes time to learn any new skill, especially a different language. But I'm sure that if you keep at it, you'll be having whole conversations with Vaggie and Leviathan in Spanish in no time." Stanley encouraged.

"He's right. I believe in you, too, Subaru." Mizore said encouragingly, somehow now in an orange and white cheerleader outfit with pom-poms that match the color of her sock stripes.

Subaru turned to the purple haired girl. "Do you just... keep different outfits hidden all around this town or something?" Mizore stared blankly at him as one of the floorboards near her tilted upward. She stepped on it to force it back down so her secret compartment would not he discovered.

"Lemme guess, Simmons taught you how to change faster." Grif said flatly.

"I need to be ready to change fast. My future husband will want to experiment."

"Aren't you rushing into finding a husband a little quick? You're still young, you have plenty of time to worry about that. Trust me, hunting for love comes with a lot of problems." Stanley told her.

Mizore tilted her head. "Didn't we have this conversation? I only have a limited time to make babies."

"YOUR TIME IS EIGHT YEARS, FIVE MONTHS, TWENTY THREE WEEKS, TWELVE DAYS, SEVENTY TWO HOURS, FIFTY FIVE MINUTES AND NINE SECONDS. STANLEY IPKISS IS CORRECT. WHILE REPRODUCTION IS IMPERITIVE, YOU ARE IN NO NEED TO RUSH IT." Omega droned.

"'Yeah, and besides, you're an attractive young lady. You could always just get some poor idiot to do a one night stand with you." Tharja drawled.

Squigly huffed. "Oh, honestly, Tharja, you have no sense of romance at all! Mizore should find a wonderful man that will cherish her and help her raise her children!"

"No reason she can't do that after she had the kids." Angel Dust chipped in.

"See, he's practical." Tharja said with a smirk.

Alastor's smile almost vanished for a moment out of surprise. "Am I going insane or did I actually hear that correctly? Did Angel Dust actually make SENSE for once in his life and afterwards?!" He asked, still somewhat shocked.

"Whoa. That's the second time Angel's caught you off-guard now. Not bad." Grif noted.

Angel Dust narrowed his eyes and flipped off the orange-clad soldier. Caboose looked at his friend. "Hey, Grif, I see you're using me and Church's secret best friend sign! When did you and Angel become best friends?"

"Ah Caboose... For your own sake, don't ever stop bein' pure and wholesome." Angel Dust chuckled.

"No! He's perfect that way!" Charlie insisted.

"I don't think he knows how to be any other way." Vaggie added.

"Unless he's possessed by Church or O'Malley." Grif added.

"Or if Stevie's in the area." Husk piped up from his spot at the table. Everyone grimacec at the name 'Stevie'.

"Uh... Who's Stevie?" Stanley asked.

"Not who. What." Tharja replied.

A"What is Stevie, then?" Stanley asked. No one had mentioned anything about this person or whatever it is to him before. And they way they described it sounded far worse than Ian and Reese.

"Hi!" A loud screechy voice sounded out in the room. "It's me! Stevie! I was feeling bored and was wondering if anyone wanted to play board games with me! I brought SpongeBob Operation!" The second he heard that voice, immense hatred welled up within Stanley.

Alastor suddenly turned into his true demon form. "Steeeeviiiieeeee..." He growled monstrously, the boy panicking as he saw the demon and began cartoonishly running back and forth between the halls in an attempt to escape the beast.

A"Oh no! Alastor's getting all scary and mean again!" Stevie yelled. Despite his clear panic and fear, he didn't lose that big stupid grin on his face. Then the door opened to reveal the Brooklyn Guy enter the room.

"Hi, Charlie, I'm here for my shift-Hey! Hey, f*ck off, Stevie!" He punched the passing Stevie in the face so hard his nose physically merged with his brain.

"Ouch! Wow, my brain smells like smoke!"

"Wow, is it tough to work at all of these jobs?" Stanley asked.

"Yeah. Him and Luigi have almost all of the jobs in town. Freaking over achievers." Grif grumbled.

"Hey, screw you, Grif! This is why I spit in all your pizzas when I'm the pizza guy and purposely bungle your medical attention when Sarge shoots ya! Orange bastard. Forget Trump, you're the real orange bastard! Yeah, your armour's orange cause it's covered in Cheeto dust!" He rubbed his finger against Grif's armour and found that it was, indeed, covered in a thick layer of Cheeto dust.

"Wow, that cannot be healthy." Stanley said, shocked.

"I don't think Grif's been healthy since the day he was BORN." Angel Dust said.

"Ah screw you guys, I'm getting in better shape lately! Y'know, pushups, situps, crunches, all that crap I really don't wanna do but Sarge makes me do anyway?"

"But then you eat a whole bunch of pizza and chips. And you get all mad at me when I ask for some. Sharing is caring, Grif!" Caboose said.

"Aww, come on, Grif! How can you say no to poor, little Caboose! Who could say no to that face?" Charlie said in a sad tone, hugging Caboose.

"Uh, Charlie? We can't even see his face under that helmet." Stanley pointed out.

"I know, but he's such a perfect cinnamon roll, he has to have a cute face." Charlie replied with a pout. Caboose returned the hug.

"Thank you, Charlie. I forgot I had a face. I thought my head turned into a helmet for the past three years." Caboose said sincerely.

Stanley looked worried at this. "Has he ever seen a doctor? You know, to check and make sure he's... all there?" He asked Grif, a bit concerned now by just how out there the blue soldier seemed.

"Yeah, we have sessions every week or so. He ah... doesn't seem to have any sort of mental disability or anything, he's just dumb. He kept showing up long after our sessions were over, so we got this thing going on where he comes in and we just sit around watching football and eating happy meals." The Brooklyn Guy explained. "Only problem is that he always gets a better toy than me..."

"Yeah, I think that just means the toy wants to be with me more." Caboose said.

"The toy isn't alive, Caboose." Grif told him.

"Yes they are! Didn't you ever watch Toy Story? Toys come to life when you're not in the room!" Caboose protested.

"INCORRECT. THAT FILM IS MERELY A FICTIONAL TALE DETAILING A HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO WHERE CHILDREN'S PLAYTHINGS EXIST AS SENTIENT BEINGS. SUCH EVENTS DO NOT OCCUR IN REALITY." Omega droned.

"It was based on a true story though. Alastor said so." Caboose said, confused.

"I did indeed say so! I lied!" The demon said with a grin.

"What? Why?" Caboose whined.

"So I could see your reaction when I pulled the rug right out from under your feet!" Caboose looked down dejectedly.

"Wait, wait, so you're just gonna sit there with a straight face and tell me that Pixar's been feeding me misinformation for all these years?! I thought my old teddy bear was plotting my death for years!" Brooklyn Guy exclaimed.

"I think your safe, buddy." Stanley told him.

"Unless Yukari brings it to life with her magic." Mizore said with a small smirk.

"...Agh god damn it, that's what's been happening all along, isn't it?! Just another one of those stupid pranks, ugh..."

"Well, at least it isn't one of Megan's pranks." Tharja shrugged.

"Yes, poor Drake and Josh..." Squigly agreed.

Stanley gulped at this. "What happened to Drake and Josh?" He asked.

"Not it. Someone else tell him." Grif said.

"They have to live with her." Mizore said simply. "They're the targets of rather cruel pranks on a consistant basis,"

"She planted a bomb in their salsa once." Charlie said.

"Put butter on the stairs so Drake would fall and hurt himself." Grif added.

"Left them trapped in a treehouse and cooked burgers as they starved." Brooklyn Guy chipped in.

Stanley was horrified at this. "She doesn't live around here, does she?" He asked, worried about falling victims to one of her vicious pranks himself.

"Oh, worry not, Stanley, the girl has grown exponentially over the years! It's quite the shame, her old pranks were a hoot! Alas, these days she is quite mild and playful with her pranks..." Alastor sighed.

"That doesn't fill me with much confidence." Stanley said.

"It shouldn't." Mizore confirmed.

"I'm still here!"

"F*CK OFF, STEVIE!" Everyone yelled.

"Okay then. So, when exactly is this show starting, then? No one seems to be in too much of a hurry, so I'm guessing it's still not for a while?" Stanley asked.

"Dude, standing around talking is like 80% of what we do." Grif told him.

"Yeah... I'm especially bad about that." Brooklyn Guy conceded. "Like I get a train of thoughtl,and then I just can't shut up for like two minutes straight, y'know? I just get so much on my mind all at once that it just all comes pouring out. Like just the other day, I was talking to Zone Tan's kid Crona, and I started rambling on and on about what I'm gonna do for dinner that night. What does he care what I'm gonna do for my dinner? His mom's the one making him dinner, it's a totally irrelevant topic for him. Feels like I'm bragging about how awesome my dinner is compared to his, only it's really not cause Zone Tan can actually cook while the best I can hope for is that my wife just puts some pizza rolls in the oven instead of trying to actually cook something. I literally had to use a pickax to cut myself a slice of the lasagna she made last week, it was awful. Tasted like burned rubber. I tried to get a happy meal instead, but she took it away, said it wasn't healthy, even though it wouldn't have given me lung cancer from the charcoal like her lasagna did."

"Oh, gosh. I'm sorry to hear that." Stanley said, horrified by the sound of the food this man's wife made.

"Oh no, you don't even know what sorry is until you marry a screeching harpy that cooks prison food and snores like a freaking Snorlax right in your ear... Is Luigi coming in today? I think he and I are gonna be doing our weekly venting next time we see each other." Brooklyn Guy said despondently.

"Jeez, suddenly I am appreciating the single life WAY more right now." Stanley said.

"Once again, just more unnecessary effort." Grif said.

Squigly smiled and shook her head. "You two boys just need to find the woman that's right for you. Someone who will bring out the best in you and help you improve as a person..."

"AFFIRMATIVE. I HAVE ALREADY DISCOVERED GRIF'S SOULMATE." An image flashed in front of him showing the bearded fat lady that worked at the circus his mother ran off to.

"Oh, hell no!" Grif yelled.

"Looks like a perfect match to me." Mizore giggles."C'mon, Grif, she might be a really nice lady if you just give her a chance." Subaru encouraged with a thumbs up.

"Yeah right! She's loud, obnoxious and she has even worse gas than Owen! Freaking Owen!" Grif exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah, that party guy from Total Drama Island. Heheh... He always seems to stick around for the long run..."

"He's honestly just a big kid. Pretty sure he still believes in Santa Claus." Mizore drawled.

"Can confirm. I dressed as Santa at the mall one time and he showed up to sit on my lap." Grif said flatly.

"That was you?!" Caboose sounded genuinely heartbroken.

"Yeah. Honestly don't know how anyone was fooled, I never took my armour off..."

"OMEGA HAS DONE THIS BEFORE AS WELL. IT SEEMS THE SANTA BEARD AND HAT PULL A NOSTALGIC CURTAIN OVER THE EYES OF SENTIENT BEINGS THAT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS." Omega explained.

"No wonder it felt like I was sitting on cold steel." Mizore said.

Stanley was taken aback at just how many people here seemed to still believe in Santa Claus. But he wasn't about to burst their bubble or anything. With all the insanity he had personally witnessed, he wouldn't be shocked if Santa did exist.

A"Alright, already! Let's get this play started, come on! Donut and I got a date later and you know how he gets if I'm late! I'd rather be able to eat a hot meal, thank you very much!" Angel said impatiently.

"Okay! Back to rehearsals! Sorry, guys! Thanks for stopping by, but we really need to get our practice in before the show next week!" Charlie said apologetically.

"Yeah, no worries." Stanley shrugged.

"Bye guys!" Caboose waved.

"Best of luck!" Grif said, acting strangely innocent as he tried to back away with something behind his back.

"Grif, what do you have there?" Mizore asked suspiciously.

"Nothing! Nothing at all, jeez! Why do you need to make it seem like I'm always up to something?! I'm too lazy to be up to anything." Grif protested, before an oinking sound could be heard behind his back.

Angel Dust's eye twitched and he pulled out three pistols. "Drop my piggy or I will bust so many caps in your massive ass you'll be crapping bullets for the rest of your life!"

Grif tried to run. Subaru stuck his foot out and tripped him, causing him to drop Fat Nuggets.

"Dude, seriously, just go to the store and buy bacon." The teen said with a frown.

"But he's so tiny and tender! Making bacon out of him would be like the most tender, juicy bacon ever! It'd be like bacon veal!" Grif complained.

"I think I saw that back on Dingodile's menu." Stanley said.

"His isn't fresh off the pig though! Fresh bacon is the best! Can't be topped!" Grif whined. Alastor nodded his head.

"Especially when it's still nice and bloody!"

"Should we be worried about them?" Stanley asked.

"I'm always worried when Alastor is around." Mizore said.

"Well, I guess we should be on our way now before we distract you from your play anymore. See ya later, Charlie!" Subaru waved as he turned to leave.

"Well, that was fun. What should we do now?" Stanley asked.

"How about we go bowling? It's the best sport in the world!" Grif said.

"Because you only have to move once a turn and spend the rest of the time sitting, eating and drinking?" Mizore asked.

"Exactly!" Grif confirmed.

Stanley chuckled. "All right, I'm in! Lead the way!"

"Cool! Try not to hit anyone with the ball this time, okay, Caboose?" Subaru said, patting the large man's back.

"Wasn't my fault. No one told me I was supposed to put my fingers in the holes."

"What did you think the three holes were for Caboose?" Stanley asked.

"I thought the bowling balls were broken."

"Ah. Figures." The group made there way to the bowling alley. When they entered, they witnessed an epic duel between bitter enemies taking place.

"You've been a very worthy adversary, Crash Bandicoot. But now, it is time for this lifelong grudge to be put to rest... for good."

"Hmph."

Cortex rolled his bowling ball... and it went right into the gutter.

"Ooh. Tough break." Stanley said.

"Cortex just sucks at bowling." Mizore explained, pointing to the scoreboard, where Cortex only had 60 points in the 9th frame.

The large headed scientist was sulking as he trudged away from the alley so Crash could take his turn. The bandicoot was about to roll his ball... But then he noticed an unfamiliar face. Eager to meet this new friend, he tossed his ball aside. It landed on Cortex's head.

Stanley was a bit shocked and unnerved when the mutated marsupial walked up to him, sniffing and investigating him from every angle. "Whoa! Hey there, little guy... How are you doing?" He asked nervously.

Crash looked up at him, then grinned widely before grabbing his hand and shaking it vigorously. He was weirdly strong for such a squat and silly looking creature.

"Ah, that's just Crash. No worries, he's friendly." Grif said.

"What is he, an offleash dog?" Mizore said sarcastically.

He started sniffing Mizore in the same manner, but made the mistake of sniffing up her skirt, causing the snow woman to squeal and jump back, freezing him solid.

The bandicoot blinked from underneath his icy prison and Mizore scowled furiously at him. "You've seen me a thousand times already, stop sniffing me!"

"Whoa..."

"We should probably get him out of there before he gets hypothermia." Stanley said. He reached for the mask for a moment, before hesitating. Would they really believe it if he just suddenly disappeared and a random weirdo appeared in his place and once he was gone, Stanley conveniently came back?

Luckily, at that moment, Crash's companions approached. Cortex, along with a younger female bandicoot, and what appeared to be a floating mask. The young bandicoot had a look of exasperated amusement.

"My brother not get the hint again, Mizore?"

"Of course." Mizore agreed.

"Wow. And here I thought masks didn't get much crazier than mine." Stanley said in surprise when he saw Aku Aku.

The mask in question turned to him with a tilted...head...? Then it's eyes widened and it smiled widely. "Wait... This power source... Oh my goodness, do you have the Mask of Loki?! He's always the life of every party!"

"You know the mask?" Stanley asked, pulling it out.

Aku Aku nodded. "I do. You see, there are many of us out there, and we all have our own unique abilities. Ah, of course, I haven't introduced myselr. My name is Aku Aku. You've met Crash, so allow me to introduce Coco and Doctor Cortex."

"Nice to meet you all." Stanley said politely as he got a better look at all of them close up.

"Hi there! You must be new here! We haven't had a newcomer in quite a while." Coco greeted.

"Yes, hello..." Cortex grumbled, massaging his bruised cranium from where the bowling ball had hit him. Caboose pushed the large bump on his head back down.

"Yeah, well I had to get away from my old town and look for a place a little more carefree and where people were a little more relaxed. And so far this place is perfect." Stanley explained.

"Carefree and relaxed... Yes, that's what I thought too when I retired here. Then I found out Crash was here... And then that blasted Ian and Reese started putting firecrackers in my home. And then Stevie kept coming into my house unannounced. This place is chaos, man!" Cortex exclaimed.

"Well, my old town got pretty crazy, too. Crime everywhere and the police were all insane. But also, I had this mask that every time I put it on, it tended to cause HUGE problems. So people would get pretty mad at me, so I couldn't stick around." Stanley explained, holding out the mask.

Aku Aku let out a mirthful chuckle. "Ah, yes, The Mask of Loki has a tendency to get his hosts in trouble... He really doesn't mean any harm in what he does, he's just... lacking in self control."

"I see. I've tried getting rid of it a few times, but it's always somehow made it's way back to me, so I decided to try and use it for good. But, maybe you could take it, then? Since you seem to know him so well?" Stanley offered. He would be a little sad to part with the mask, but it might be better for everyone that way.

Aku Aku looked thoughtful. "Hmm... I'm afraid you're much to bonded with him, , my friend."

"Oh. I see." Stanley said, unsure of what to do now.

"However, I can help you better communicate with him. If you'll just bring him out, I can reawaken him and give him life once more."

"Okay..." Stanley said, a bit awkwardly as he produced the mask and held it out for Aku Aku. Everyone else looks on in confusion and wonder, unsure of what will happen.

Aku Aku slowly hovered over the Mask, eyes narrowed in concentration. He took a deep breath... "TIME TO WAKE UP!"

The mask woke up, bouncing around all over the place and off the walls, zooming under Mizore's skirt, causing her to pin her skirt down so her underwear won't be exposed, slamming into one of Subaru's legs from behind and causing him to do a backflip, before spinning around in the center of the bowling alley, picking up several bowling balls and sending them flying, one landing on top of Cortex's head, one hitting Grif in the crotch, before another hit him in the head and one hitting Caboose in the head as well, but he didn't react. Finally, he stopped in front of the group. "Sssssssmokin'!" He declared.

He looks around with a grij at everyone, who was either looking back at him unamused, or balled up on the ground in excruciating pain. "Yeesh. Tough crowd." He turned to his host with a grin. "Man, Stan! I can't believe you never said the magic words to wake me up!"

"...The magic words are 'time to wake up'? Coco asked.

"Well, it was gonna be mumbojumboabrakadabrahickerydickeryeockerypocketywocketyknickkmajamapresto, but I didn't think anyone would figure that out."

"I... didn't know there were magic words to wake you up." Stanley said, shocked that he was actually speaking to the Mask face-to-face. He always told people they were buddies, but he never thought he'd actually meet him.

"Yeah, that's why I chose a pretty common phrase. Figured someone would have to say it sooner or later. Unfortunately, you always say time to GET up, so that kinda ruins the purpose of the magic word." The mask replied.

"Oh. Sorry. Maybe you should have left me a note or something." Stanley told him.

"Well, I had a note, but it got lost when I was being transported to that dump ya found me in. Thanks for buying me, by the way, I was dying to get outta that place!"

"No problem." Stanley said, happy to help.

"Oh, great. Now we have another person as annoying as Ian and Reese." Mizore complained.

The Mask turned to her with a froen. "Excuse me, little lady, but I'll have you know I'm WAY funnier than those two clowns will ever be!"

"Not from what I've seen so far." Mizore said, pointing to Grif, who was still on the ground, in pain.

"Why my balls? Every time?" He whined.

"I wasn't fully awake at that point, that doesn't count! Just you wait, little missy, you are gonna love me sooner or later!"

"I won't hold my breath." She said.

"Oh, yeah, I had to do that when my helmet stopped working. It wasn't fun." Caboose said.

"Caboose, we keep telling you, there's breathable oxygen on this planet. You didn't need to hold your breath." Grif said.

"Church said I had to."

"Yeah, cause Church is an asshole."

"So. what do you feel like doing first?" Stanley asked the mask.

"Oh, you know, have some fun, cause some chaos, maybe even give a few PRANKS!" He cried out, stuffing a pie in Mizore's face.

Stanley flinched at that and covered his face in disbelief. "Aw come on, why, Mask, why?!"

""Hey, it's part of the deal. I gotta give these to the naysayers. It's written down in this contract here." In a puff of smoke, an official contract appeared floating in the air next to him. Subaru took it and studied it closely.

"Anyone who doesn't get the joke gets a pie to the face."

"I didn't say I didn't get the joke! It just wasn't funny!" Mizore cried, trying to freeze the mask.

"Mask, don't make me put you back to sleep now." Aku Aku warned sternly.

"Alright, fine. Jeez, you had more of a sense of humor in the old days, Aku. You and Uka Uka got in on the trouble I use to make." The Mask said.

"I don't like him." Mizore whispered to Subaru as she cleaned her face off.

"Ah, I'm sure you got off on the wrong foot, I bet he's an alright guy once you get to know him." Subaru whispered back.

"I doubt you'd be saying that if he shoved a pie in your face! Coconut, no less!" She pouted.

"So, we're bowling, huh? I'm up first!" The Mask said, flying to an empty lane, grabbing a bowling ball, his tongue turning into a hand in order to grip it, before he spun backwards in mid-air, releasing the ball, which soared down the isle and... somehow managed to go right over all the pins. "What the!? Do-over!" He called, doing the same trick with another ball, only for the ball to go into the gutter on the right. He tried again, but the ball went in the left gutter. He then somehow created a cannon that launched bowling balls and fired them down the lane, but still somehow never hit a single target.

The Mask gritted his teeth and let out an annoyed growl. Caboose approached. "Oh boy, my turn!" He grabbed a bowling ball, threw it like it was a baseball, and it landed on top of all the pins, scoring the blue clad man a strike.

"This game's rigged!" The Mask insisted.

Crash ran up next, grabbed a bowling ball, studied it closely, stuffed it in his mouth, tried to swallow it, started choking, performed the heimlich maneuver on himself, and spat out the ball, rolling a strike in the process.

The Mask's jaw hit the floor. "Curses! Why couldn't he have choked on it?! Cortex grumbled.

Coco narrowed her eyes and nudges him with her elbow. He frowned. "What? He's causing me grievous bodily harm constantly!"

"You should know whenever you get near Crash, you get hurt. It's like some kind of unavoidable occurrence." Grif said.

"I get hurt no matter who I go near! I'm cursed, I tell you! I have been ever since I worked with Uka Uka! He cursed me with bad luck, I just know it!"

"Hmm... Yes, this is most likely..." Aku Aku mused. "Unfortunately, my brother and I cannot undo each other's curses..."

"Well, it always was easy to get under old Uka's skin... Maybe if I go bug him a bit, I can get him to undo this curse for ya. But it's gonna cost ya." The Mask offered.

Cortex scoffed. "Forget it! I'm done making deals with supernatural entities that clearly intend to torment me with malicious intent! I will solve my own problems, thank you very much!"

"If you say so. You may want this in the meantime, then." The mask said, summoning a giant pillow and dropping it on Cortex.

Cortex blinked and accepted the pillow. "Oh, erm... Now what am I to do with this?" He asked, looking up just in time to aee a bowling ball coming his way courtesy of Caboose. It hit him right in the face. He staggered about a little, then fell unconscious. Lucky he had a pillow.

"Caboose, it's not dodgeball. You don't throw the balls at people!" Grif yelled at the blue soldier.

"Tucker did it!" Caboose yelled.

"Tucker's not even here..." Coco noted.

"He still did it. He does all the bad stuff. I think he might be stupid." Caboose replied with a firm nod.

Crash crossed his arms and nodded in agreement.

"Crash, you always try to hang out with Tucker all the time." Coco told her brother.

Crash nodded his head again. "I think it's because he feels bad for him and thinks he's doing him a favour." Grif remarked. Crash nodded. Even stupid people like Tucker needed friends after all.

"So, where's old Uka at these days? I haven't seen him since he turned me into that stiff hunk of wood! Because now that I'm back, I can return the favor and turn his brain to mulch!" The masked asked, floating around Aku Aku.

Aku Aku shook his... body. "No, Mask, best leave him be. We've sealed him away in the Temple of the Elementals, he is no further threat to anyone, and we mustn't allow him the opportunity to become a threat again."

"Aww... I was really hoping I could tell him some of my new knock-knock jokes... He always hated those." The mask reminisced with a small sob, a hankie appearing out of nowhere for him to blow his nose.

"Well, you could alwaye torture Carol with your bad jokes." Mizore drawled.

"Forget that! Hasn't she been hurt enougjhfrom the whole 'Painwheel' thing?!" Subaru scolded the snow woman.

"Who's Carol and what is this painwheel thing?" Stanley asked in confusion.

Doctor Cortex had woken up from his coma, and he scowled. "She's only a teenage girl... Yet she got used as a guinea pig for the most horrific, torturous and inhumane experiment you have EVER seen! That twisted cyborg infused her with parasites! He had a big bladed wheel attached to her spine... which was sticking out of her body! Even I was never that evil!"

"Oh, my gosh." Stanley said in horror.

"Wow, I'm amazed you could hear all that while you were in a coma." The Mask said.

"Yes, well, I get put into comas so often that I've learned to recover from them in mere minutes. Not quite something one should have to learn from experience..." Cortex muttered.

"Not sure that counts as a coma, then, but okay." Stanley said, before focusing back on Carol. "So, is she stuck the way she is? Like, another scientist genius like you can't fix her?" Stanley asked.

Cortex snorted. "A genius like me can't fix her, he asks. Zim and I fixed her ages ago. Too bad her low-down no good parents disowned her, can't handle looking at her scars... Still, can't complain, she is quite a delight to have around. It's nice to have someone quiet and polite to balance out that Irken's nonstop screaming and nonsensical babbling..."

"Note to self: try to avoid 'Zim'..." Stanley said, writing that down in a small notebook, which also advised him to avoid Ian, Reese and Stevie.

"Note to self: find and heckle Zim..." At the same time, the Mask was using telekinesis to write in a notebook of his own.

"Mask, why do you always have to try and make trouble?" Stanley groaned.

The Mask looked over at his bearer with a sly grin. "Oh come on, admit it, you wouldn't change me for the world!"

Stanley smiled. "You're right, I wouldn't. But you gotta admit, you got us in a lot of trouble that you didn't have to." He told the animated face covering.

"Ah, a little stress every now and then builds character! And that is something you need, Stanny Boy! Seriously, you need to work on your confidence a little more." The Mask replied.

"What do you mean? I'm confident? I got a job on my first day of searching! That's not easy!" Stanley insisted.

"Ya went for the same line of work you always complained about because you had the most experience with it." The Mask replied.

"Well, that's what you do, you go for jobs you have experience with. I doubt Dingodile would hire me, since I don't have any experience as a chef or waiter." Stanley said, not that either job would be ideal for him, but it was an example.

"He probably would, actually. Dingodile doesn't really care what your application says. I worked for him over the Summer because I walked in and asked for a job. He just said okay." Mizore told him.

Stanley blinked at that. Then again, it really wasn't much of a surprise, the hybrid was clearly very lax about what went down in his restauraunt...

Cortex snorted. "Ah yes, Dingo's Diner. Frankly, I'm almost certain the only reason it's close to an acceptable level for the health department is because of Marie."

"I don't think I met a Marie while I was in there." Stanley said.

"She's always there." Coco replied. "She's the quiet girl with the silver hair." Stanley let out an 'ah' and nodded his head.

"She was so quiet I totally forgot about her."

"She kinda has the whole... don't speak unless you're spoken to thing drilled into her head after what went down at the orphanage... Or... what used to be the orphanage..." Subaru explained. "Buuut that isn't really our story to tell..."

"It sounds like the kind of story I'd be better off not hearing." Stanley said.

Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let's go find her and brighten up her day. And if we see him, maybe ruin Zim's while we're at it!?" The Mask suggested.

"Now hold on there, that girl doesn't need some crazy green faced guy just randomly barging into her personal space!" Stanley protested.

"Well, Patricia does like cartoons, and she was a lot more effectecdby what went down over there... You notice she wore an eyepatch, right?" Grif asked, and Stanley nodded. "She uh... lost an eye, lost an arm, and would have lost a lot more than that if Dingodile didn't show up right when he did..."

"Oh, wow. He seems like such a regular guy... other than in appearance. He seems so invested with his Diner, I didn't think he was actually a hero, too." Stanley said, impressed.

"Well, if you consider going on a murderous rampage and slaughtering dozens of men a heroic thing to do. Though I personally do because the guys were a bunch of scumbags that deserved everything they got." Mizore said casually.

Stanley is shocked and now curious about the parts of the story he's missing. "Wow. That's a lot to process. I might actually need the full story on that." He said.

"Might wanna hold off on getting it till you've established yourself here more, Stan. Seems like a real drama bomb." The Mask chipped in.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Stanley said.

"So, we've been standing here long enough, let's finally start bowling." Grif said, going up and paying for it, everyone picking their order so the game could finally begin.

Stanley slipped on his bowling shoes, and looked over to see the Mask had done the same...somehow. He looked like a combination of Rayman and Mr. Potato Head, floating a few feet above the ground as his shoes made walking motions with his every move.

"Well, glad to see you're making this work for yourself." Stanley said, before grabbing a ball and rolling it down the aisle, getting a strike.

The Mask scowled at that. "Okay, this time for sure!" Grabbing another ball, he tried to roll it, only for it to fly several feet in the air and land on his head, squashing him down into the shoes.

"Ouch. You okay, buddy?" Stanley asked, looking at the squished form of the Mask.

"FINLAND!" Was the reply he got. Stanley grabbed the shoes and slapped the bottoms of them to try and force the Mask back into his normal shape.

The Mask popped back out and wobbled back and forth as bowling balls with wings flew around his head cartoonishly. "Did anybody get the number of that truck?" He asked.

"Seven! I think it is seven. That is the guess I'm going wirh. You got hit by seven trucks and they were driven by seven people in each one and they were all seven years old. Even the trucks." Caboose declared.

"I don't think seven year olds are big enough to drive a truck, Caboose." Mizore told him, rolling her eyes with a smile.

"I know. That's why there's seven of them. So they can sit on each other's shoulders and one can watch the road." Caboose explained.

Mizore just rolled her eyes at this. It was her turn to bowl and it looked like the ball was rolling into the gutter, but Mizore quickly flicked her hand and sent a wave of ice down the lane, creating something of a snowboarding half-pipe that prevented the ball from going into the gutters, allowing her to get a strike.

"Oh, come on! That's totally cheating!" Grif complained.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I won that strike through my pure natural talent." Mizore replied blandly. Grif crossed his arms and sulked as Subaru took his turn, nailing the pins straight down the center and scoring a strike.

"Ah-ha! You are all in the presence of the Bowling Master! Bow before my greatness and I may bestow upon you some of my talent!" He said in a dramatic voice, raising his index finger skyward and just generally putting on a show of it.

"Guys, I think Subaru is going crazy. That's supposed to be Doc's thing." Caboose said to the others.

Coco laughed and shook her head. "Nah. Subaru's just being a big ham." She explained.

"Oooh, like what Grif and Alastor wanna do to Fat Nuggets! Grif, please don't shoot Subaru."

"No, Caboose, not like that. She means that he's just showing off." Mizore told him.

"Oooh, you mean like what Donut did for Angel in the tents that one night! Who are you going to wrestle, Subaru? Is it me?" Caboose asked. Subaru tried to hold back his laughter.

"Oh, boy..." Stanley said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, having a pretty good idea of what Caboose was talking about, which fit perfectly with both Angel and Donut's characters.

The Mask let out a wolf whistle. "Well now, those fellas seem to have a healthy relationship! Uh... Any pretty ladies that have that kinda relationship?" He asked with a rather lecherous grin.

"I've been wondering about Carol and Filia..." Grif mused. "Oh, and those two girls from that...circus... have some serious unresolved tension between them..."

"You mean Cerebella and Beatrix." Coco nodded.

"Why did you day the word 'circus' like you were about to throw up your lunch?" Stanley asked. Grif started crying.

"MOMMYYYYYY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE MEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE?!"

"Um... I feel like I'm out of the loop again." Stanley said. He went to try and comfort Grif, before Caboose interrupted.

"Okay, my turn!" He said, grabbing a bowling ball and throwing it like a baseball, still managing to get a strike.

Of course, the bowling ball also broke a hole through the wall. And then flew through three more buildings. And then hit Stevie right in the face so hard that his nose physically merged together with his brain.

Everyone watched in shock. "Uh, Caboose. Maybe this isn't the best game for you." Stanley said worriedly.

"But I'm winning." Caboose replied. "Hitting Stevie gets me extra points. Those are the rules." Indeed, the scorecard flashed 'STEVIE BONUS' and Caboose earned five hundred points.

"Is it even possible to score that high?" Stanley asked.

"Depends on how you hit Stevie. If he's right here in the alley, it's five extra points, and that number goes up the further away he is." Subaru explained.

"And does it matter where you hit him?" The mask questioned, planning to aim his ball at Stevie's.

He didn't even wait for a response before he hurled his bowilng ball in the same direction Caboose had. After a few seconds, everyone heard Stevie cry out "Ouch! My baby juice factory!"

"I'd say that's worth a thousand points." Mizore said.

"Agreed." Everyone else agreed.

And indeed, that's what popped up on the scoreboard, the words 'PREVENTED STEVIE FROM EVER REPRODUCING BONUS' in bright letters across the board.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! You love me! You really love me!" The Mask said adoringly, soaking up the praise and cheers.

"Uh... Where did all these people come from?" Grif asked, looking around at the faceless shadows surrounding them.

"The Mask can conjure up anything he thinks would be funny." Aku Aku explained. "So long as it's for the sake of comedy, there is nothing he can't do."

"I think it would be funny for cream pies to hit everyone in the face. And then let us have cream pie to eat." Caboose declared.

"Weeeeelll, ain't that a coinky-dink?! So do I!" Everyone but Caboose and Crash screamed and scrambled for cover as cream pies rained from the ceiling.

Mizore created an ice dome above herself and everyone else except Caboose and Crash, the cream pies harmlessly hitting the dome instead of anyone inside it. "You're welcome." She said.

Then a pie fell from the top of the dome and hit her right in the face. The Mask snickered and winked at the readers. "Couldn't resist." Mizore's only reaction was to sigh deeply into the pie and make no effort to remove the tin from her face.

Crash then spun to break through the ice dome and licked the pie off Mizore's face, resulting in her squishing him into a ball and freezing him, using him as the bowling ball for her turn.

The Mask laughed and twirled about in the air merrily. "Man oh MAN do I love it here! The people are a hoot! Oh, I could totally get used to this..." Then Mizore threw a pie at him and knocked him into a wall.

"Same here." She said, tossing another pie a few inches into the air and catching it with one hand.

The Mask floated off the wall and laughed in response. "Hahaha! Joke's on you, icy! Coconut cream is my favourite flavour!"

Everyone continued to bowl and did quite well, everyone landing multiple bonuses for hitting Stevie, but do to hitting him in the groin, The Mask ultimately won.

"Hey guys, is it normal for blood to be coming out of every hole in my body?" Stevie asked through the blood leaking from his mouth.

The Mask just threw another bowling ball into his face.

Subaru rubbed the back of his head. "You ever think we're a bit too mean to the guy?" He asked.

"I swear, I can't help myself! It's like my primal instinct to hurt takes over every time I see him!" Grif replied.

"At least you never blasted him with the Grifshot." Mizore said.

Grif was silent for several seconds before coughing into his hand. The dumb bastard had survived even that...

"You totally tried that, didn't you?" The Mask asked.

"The way you stiffened up like that was a big giveaway. The silence didn't help, either." Stanley agreed.

Grif simply coughed in response. "I mean... Everyone here has tried to kill him at some pointl right?"

"We haven't." Stanley said, pointing to himself and The Mask.

"I mean, I just nailed him in the face with a bowling ball, pretty sure that counts. Plus we're new here. Give it a week or two." The Mask replied,

"Fair enough." Stanley admitted.

Suddenly, a small green being burst through the door. "Surrender, cretins! For I, the great Zim, will defeat you all with my superior bowling skills!" He declared, laughing evilly.

Then he noticed the unconscious Stevie and threw his arms up. "CURSES! ONCE AGAIN I HAVE ARRIVED TO LATE TO PROVE MY WORTH AS A MEMBER OF THE COMMUNITY! If only my LARGE HEADED ROOMMATE would ever remember to invite me to social gatherings!" He scowled at Cortex.

"Your head is just as large, you foolish extraterrestrial idiot!" Cortex countered.

"Oh, goodie! Drama!" The Mask cheered.

"YOU DARE INSULT ZIM'S CRANIAL PERIMETER?! I will have you know that on my planet, my head is considered abnormally tiny, thank you very much!" The alien said with a huff.

"And your planet is full of idiots! Even your supposed 'Almighty Tallest' only concern themselves with eating junk food and ignoring your calls!" Cortex yelled back at him.

"Foolish earth man! My Tallests merely haven't found a viable reason to call the great Zim back into action!"

Subaru sighed and shook her head. "They're at it again... Pretty sure Carol needs to be around for them to properly get along."

"Just f*ck already!" Caboose called out, deciding to try saying something Church would.

"Well said, my boy! It certainly seems like there's an unspoken connection between them." The Mask agreed.

Cortex immediately turned the same shade of green as Zim and rushed off to the bathroom. The sound of violently vomiting could be heard. Zim was just confused.

The Mask and Stanley are confused as well. "Zim's species reproduce asexually." Mizore explained.

"Indeed! Observe!" Zim began violently retching until he coughed up a small green blob of green mush that began to let out a series of incoherent mumbes before his father incinerated him with a laser gun.

Everyone just looked on in disgust and horror. Before the Mask had to go and ruin it. "That's a spicy meat-a-ball!" He declared in an exaggerated Italian accent.

Zim raised a brow at the floating mask. "Actually, Irkens are highly toxic if consumed by a human worm baby. Making meatballs of us is very unadviseable."

The Mask got right in Zim's face. "What did the wizard say to the lizard? 'Quite DRAGON your tail!" He declared, laughing as everyone else besides Zim face-vaulted.

Zim stared blankly at the mask. "What you're proposing is physically impossible. First off, the magical entiries you humans call 'wizards' are a fictious race. Second, the tail of a lizard is naturally level to the ground. To cease dragging it would just be unnecessary effort on the part of the lizard. And besides, what foolish creature wastes time talking to a being that isn't capable of replying verbally? He may as well be speaking to a fire hydrant or a slice of bologna at that point."

The Mask looked furious at someone making his joke literal. "I'm gonna smash him!"

Stanley simply held the angry mask in one hand as he thrashed about to try and get to Zim. "Aww c'mon, Stan, just one little anvil to the head!"

"No Mask! Nobody is dropping anything on anyone's heads today!" Stanley told him.

"Golden Washtub!" A young girl's voice declared, before a giant golden washtub crashed down on Zim's head. "What was that about Wizards and witches being fake?" She asked smugly.

"Mere... smoke and mirror trickery... That washtub was attached to a wire, I know it..." Zim groaned beneath the tub.

Zim gets out from under the tub, before Yukari makes another one fall on him, clearly appearing out of nowhere. "The tubs come out of thin air! Explain that!" She countered.

"I'm convinced." Stanley said.

"Teleportation technology! You are trying to deceive Zim! I will not stand for it, do you hear me?! ZIM WILL NEVER BE TRIIIIIIICKED!"

Yukari grumbled at this.

Stanley looked to The Mask, wondering what he'd do now.

The small mask hovered over to Yukari with a smile. "All right, another brand new face! What's your name, kiddo?"

"My name is Yukari Sendo! I'm a witch! Nice to meet you!" Yukari said with a smile, spinning her want a bit, before summoning another golden washtub to hit Zim.

"CURSE YOUR TECHNOLOGICAL KNOW-HOW!" Zim roared angrily. The Mask laughed merrily. He liked Yukari already!

"It's not technology! It's magic!" Yukari snaps at the alien.

"Give it up, kid, this guy's a total idiot. Hey, your parents around by any chance? I still owe your dad a five and I got one to cough up to him." Grif asked.

Yukari's dad comes over at that moment.

The man was giving Grif a stern look. Grif sighed. "I know, I know, I borrowed thjs money six months ago, do you have any idea how long it takes Sarge to pay us?!"

The man said nothing, simply accepting the money and walking away.

Grif rubbed the back of his head and let out a sigh. "Geez I wish that guy would speak an actual sentence..."

"Well, he didn't hit you with a washtub. That means he doesn't hate you." Yukari informed him.

"What is it with you guys and washtubs specifically? That seems to be your go-to thing. Why not an anvil or something?" Subaru asked.

"It's practical and easy." Yukari explained.

"Yeah, you can do so much with a brand new washtub! They're reusable and they can help keep your spoons clean!" The Mask agreed.

"See? He gets it!" Yukari said happily.

"Yeah, but he's crazy." Grif pointed out.

"Excuse me, but I prefer the term 'normally challenged'." The Mask replied.

"That sounds disparraging to the differently abled." Coco said.

Zim struggles to get out from under the washtub he was hit with. "Stop being impressed by their silly trickery! My mighty Irken technology is far more impressive! And it's actually real!" He declared.

Yukari responded by summoning one of Zim-s inventions, his spaceship to he precise, and dropping it on top of his head.

"Teleportation technology! Impressive, but still not magic!" Zim yelled from underneath his spaceship.

Yukari stomped her foot in frustration. "YOU STUPID BIG HEADED DUMB STUBBORN FAT-HEADED STUPID HEAD!"

"Foolish girl! I was informed you were one of the brightest in your school, yet all you can manage to resort to is insults about my glorious head?" Zim questions.

Yukari let out a shriek and started screaming what could only be described as angrish as she bashed the Irken upside the head with a broom repeatedly.

"Yikes. Remind me to never get on her bad side." Stanley said fearfully.

"Aww, who would want to get on her bad side! She's a little angel." The Mask said.

"She's beating Zim half to death with a broom." Grif said.

"He deserves it." The Mask said dismissively.

"He's not wrong." Mizore replied with a shrug.

"Yeah, he did try to conquer the earth. Multiple times.'" Subaru agreed.

"Ahem!" Cortex narrowed his eyes, offended.

"Uh... I mean, we forgive you both, but karms's gotta balance itself out, y'know?" Subaru said sheepishly.

"Yeah, you guys are still a while away before you can be called good guys." Coco said.

J"Hmph! Preposterous! I'm as nice as can be! Why, I only torture the people no one likes in the name of science!"

"...Right" Stanley shrugged. "So ah... we have magic here too, huh?"

"Yeah. You saw Tharja earlier too, she's a dark mage." Subaru replied.

"And a total knockout! And hey, that catgirl at the bank wasn't half bad looking either! Say, Stan, you should try putting the moves on her. You'll be seeing her every day after all!" The Mask nudged his partner slyly.

"Come on, Mask. I just got here. I don't want to seem like some kind of hornball or something." Stanley complained. "And besides, not like anyone in this town would go for someone like me. I mean, I'm about as plain and ordinary as it gets." He concluded his explanation.

"Some people like plain. After all the craziness of this town, it might be nice to come and meet up with someone a bit more normal." Coco pointed out.

J"Preposterous! It is in the nature of your feeble human minds to seek out the absurd physiques that you have somehow deemed 'attractive', with those absurd round blobs of fat and those distressingky thin bodies... We Irkens have much higher standards! BEHOLD!" Zim brandished a picture of a morbidly obese female alien with several sets of limbs and eyes decorating her body.

Everyone soon vomits at this, before they all join together to beat down the Irken.

"FOOOLS! YOU ARE MERELY ENVIOUS THAT YOU CANNOT SEE TRUE BEAUTY FOR WHAT IT IS!" Zim roared.

Everyone gives up and simply leaves, hoping to get as far from Zim as possible.

They began to file out of the bowling alley, leaving the Irken screaming about how 'inferior and feeble they were compared to him'.

Yukari waved her wand one last time and crashed a small mountain of wash tubs, before skipping after the others.

"So where are we going now?" She chirped. Everyone began kicking around ideas. Stanley was surprised at just how much there was to do here.

"I think we should go to the place with the guns that makes my armor turn red." Choose said.

"Paintball?" Mizore asked.

"Yes! Sarge gets really really mad at that game because sometimes his armour turns blue and he gets all sad and grumpy for a few days." Caboose replied.

"Yeah, he... spent three days straight scrubbing himself in the creek last time he played." Grif confirmed.

"Then why did he bother playing?" Yukari asked in confusion.

"Because he wantes to paint me, Tucker and Church red!" Caboose explained. "He was so mad when he found out it washed off."

"Wow, he really takes this stuff seriously, doesn't he?" Stanley asked.

"Yeah, if it was the other way around and he was on the blue team, it'd be pretty...unfortunate to hear him scream 'Those dirty reds' and stuff." Grif chuckled.

Everyone thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that wouldn't sound quite right." Subaru agreed. He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Kinda makes ya wonder what he thinks of the colour purple, huh?"

"Well, there is the medic, Doc, but Sarge never bothered with him, except when he was possessed by O'Malley." Griffin said.

"What, he just not know what to make of him or something?" The Mask asked with a raised brow. Grif shrugged in response.

"His mind probably exploded trying to process it."

"I'd almost say he was a fanatic if I didn't know any better." Stanley said.

"No, he's totally a fanatic." Mizore confirmed.

"More like an obsessive compulsory." Coco replied.

"Those are funny ways to say nutjob." Grif ssid flatly.

"Well, he's maybe a bit too dedicated to his cause, but he doesn't seem absolutely crazy." Stanley said, before a cardboard pop up of Sarge appeared in front of him.

"Freeze, dirty blue! Or... person potentially wearing blue clothing." A recorded voice demanded from the pop up.

"LOOK OUT!" Subaru tackled Stanley to the ground as the popup in question began shooting something from its very much real weapon

Upon closer inspection, Stanley quickly learned the the ammunition was red paintballs. Coco inspected them. "Hmm... Judging by the trajectory of the splatters, this trap would have perfectly dyed Stanley's jacket red."

"Whew. Thanks, Subaru." Stanley said, getting back up. "Well, at least only my jacket would have dyed and not me, right?" Stanley told his lame joke, looking around for someone to laugh.

Suddenly, he was hit in the face by a tomato. "Boo!" The Mask jeered.

Stanley sulked and let out a groan in response. "Just like the time I tried stand up comedy at the Coco Bongo..." He sighed. Subaru patted his shoulder.

"Hey, I thought it was good. Not something to laugh at, but still good." As they walked, they noticed a cloud of colourful smoke coming from a nearby alleyway. Mizore sighed.

"I see Garcello is still at it with those cigarettes of his..."

"Why is the smoke all different colors?" Stanley asked.

"Ooh, are they some of the SPECIAL cigarettes? You know, like the ones wih the leaves?" The Mask said in a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" tone.

"No, those cigarettes are magic." Yukari replied.

"Yeah, they just sorta respawn in the box after he uses them. He says they're cursed and won't let anyone else touch them." Grif explained.

"That's fine. We're not really big on smoking." Stanley assured them.

"Yeah, those creepy PSAs made sure of that. I ain't too keen on bumping into that creepy snake guy that preys on addicts." The Mask agreed.

Yukari shivered at this. "Those were so creepy!" She whined.

"It's okay, Yukari. They're not real." Mizore told her.

"You're just saying that! I know I saw him under a street light one time!" The little witch protested.

"We keep telling you that was just Reese trying to scare Dewey!" Grif exclaimed.

"I don't believe you! I know he's real and he's out there!" She whined.

"Don't worry, kiddo! I'll track 'im down and give 'im the old what-for!" The Mask assured her.

"Great! I think he's lurking down in the sewers. It's the perfect place for creepy slimy snake guys." Yukari chirped.

"Ah yes, it certainly is the ideal place for my snake mutants, right Crash? Good times, right?" Cortex chuckled.

For once, Crash actually seemed annoyed and smacked Cortex upside the head, Gibbs style.

The mad scientis fell facefirst to the ground from the impact of Crash's strike, and he landed in a smsll puddle of mud.

Crash laughed at this. "Wow, I think you really might be cursed." Mizore said.

Cortex simply groaned into the mud, causing it to bubble. A dry chuckle sounded out and everyone turned to see a green-skinned man with jeans, a jacket and a cap step out. Judging by the colourful cigarette, Stanley assumed this was Garcello. "Always nice to hear the daily dose of banter around town." The man said good-naturedly.

"Good to see you as well, Garcello." Coco said, helping Cortex up.

The man gave her the finger guns. Then he noticed Stanley. "Huh. Got a new guy in town, huh? What's your name, pal?"

"Stanley Ipkiss. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Garcello." He greeted.

"Hey, no need for the Mr., dude. Just Garcello's totally cool by me." The man replied with a smirk, giving Stanley a friendly clap on the shoulder before addressing the Mask. "What's up, dude?"

"Howdy there, fine sir! I am the Mask, a relic of chaos and destruction! Lovely to meet you." He greeted.

Garcello smiled and nodded his head. "Cool. Name's Garcello, a relic of dumbassery and bad choices." He held up his cigarette. "Case in point..." He took another drag.

"I'm sure we've all made some bad choices. Mine would be keeping this guy after I fished him from a lake." Stanley said teasingly, pointing to the mask.

"Hey, I am the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it! Before me, you were bored! And worse than that... BORING!" The mask protested. Stanley chuckled.

"Come on, buddy. You know I was just messing with you." Stanley assured his former alter ego given form. "So, Garcello, what do you do?" Stanley asked.

Garcello shrugged his shoulders. "When I'm not smoking in the back alley, I'm usually working part time at Dingo's. It's the only place that tolerates my problem."

"Yeah, it's a pretty great place." Stanley agreed.

"It's probably gonna be my new hang-out while you're at work!" The Mask agrees.

"Just don't blow all my money!"

"Oh pshaw, Stan the Man! I can always get us more!"

"Mask, no!"

"Mask yes!"

Stanley tackled the embodiment of chaos and held on tightly to prevent the creature from running away and doing anything that could be even remotely illegal.

"Please, we just moved in, I don't want to make enemies with law enforcement again!" The man pleaded with his partner.

"Eh, Brooklyn Guy's had to deal with a lot of us breaking various laws, he's pretty jaded to it by now." Grif said with a shrug.

"See no harm, no foul!" The Mask said.

"There's always harm with you involved." Stanley said.

"Yes, but I make it hilarious."

"You certainly make my life interesting. In the roughest way imagineable..."Stanley sighed.

"Wanna tag along with us, Garcello?" Yukari asked.

"Sure. Got nothing better to do. Where are we headed?"

"Maybe we could play tag!" Caboose suggested.

"We were going to paintball, remember?" Mizore chimed in.

"Oh, yeah. Maybe we can play paintball tag! Where only the person who's it can shoot people." Caboose suggested.

"No." Everyone else denied.

"Kinda defeata the purpose, bud." Garcello clapped a hand on Caboose's shoulder.

"Oh. Okay. Then we could play capture the flag... but with paintballs! It'll be just like Blood Gulch again!" Caboose exclaimed.

"Noooooo!" Griffin screamed at the idea.

"Wow. I guess he really didn't like Blood Gulch." Stanley said.

Grif started sobbing uncontrollably. Garcello patted his shoulder.

"It seems life in the canyob was difficult for someone with hobbies like Grif's." Aku Aku sighed.

"Hobbies? Like what?" Stanley asked.

"Eating, sleeping and taking breaks." Mizore answered for him.

Stanley blinked and looked over at the wailing Grif. "Huh... Why'd he even join the army then?"

"My life needed structure, but I got anything but that from Sarge." Grif explained.

"Yeah, he does seem pretty erratic." Stanley agreed.

"He had us drive our vehicle off a cliff declaring war on gravity." Grif said.

"That's a war only somebody like me can win!" The Mask said confidently, floating in the air on his back with his hands relaxing behind his head.

"You're a floating mask, of course you defy gravity... The whole disembodied hands thing is kinda freaking me out though." Subaru remarked.

This caused The Mask to face plant into the ground. "Killjoy." He grumbled.

"Floating hands... what a convenient idea... It would certainly make reaching that pesky wrench I always set a few feet too far away much easier..." Cortex mused.

"Why don't you just set it closer?" Stanley asked.

"Or stop being lazy and lean over a little." Grif said.

Everyone, minus Stanley, looked at him in shock. "Who are you and what have you done with Grif!?" Yukari demanded.

"What?! I may not like working, but I'm not incapable of doing it when I really need to-HEY!" Crash was now trying to rip off Grif's helmet.

"He's trying to expose the impostor." Coco said flatly.

"Good thing Sarge isn't here to try and launch him into space." Subaru sighed.

"He'd do it, too." Mizore said.

"You guys can play video games at home! Let's get to the paint ball place already! We're burning daylight!" The Mask insisted.

And with that, he took off, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake, before coming back seconds later with a frown. "Uh, where is it?"

The rest of the group, except for Caboose and Crash, facepalmed. After about 20 minutes of walking, they finally reached their destination. "Here it is!" Yukari cheered happily.

"For a magic wielder, the girl is weirdly proficient with guns of any sort. In fact, one might say she's a prodigy... with a disturbing tendency to relish in every hit she lands..." Cortex said with a slight shudder. "Her evil laugh is too perfect..."

"She played your games. You were a bad influence on her." Mizore explained.

"Him and that Kota kid, definitely." Grif agreed.

"Those games are not a bad influence! They assist with aim training and hand eye coordination!" Cortex protested.

"Video games make you violent. I played Tetris last week and uh... ended up on a wanted list in Ohio..." the Mask said sheepishly.

"That's not because of the video games. That's just you being your usual crazy, borderline evil, self." Stanley told him.

The Mask huffed. "Evil? Well I never! I've saved that city plenty of times! I am a patriot and a hero!"

"A very destructive, disruptive and rude hero." Stanley sighed.

"Eh. It's part of my charm." The Mask shrugged.

"Let's just go in now." Grif said.

"Yeah! I'm gonna paint your armors pink!" Yukari cheered.

"Well, she could have said she'd paint it red." Garcello chuckled, conveniently puffing out a cloud of red smoke.

"Then Sarge would get mad, thinking we're all trying to outrank him, since only senior commanding officers wear red in our military." Grif explained.

"Wait, what about Simmons then? His armour's red!" Stanley questioned.

"Nah, he's more maroon." Grif replied. "So yeah... careful with red and blue. Don't need to give Sarge more reasons to abuse me."

"I'm starting to think that Sarge has some anger issues." Stanley said uncertainly.

"Ha! That's the polite way of putting it! The man is certifiably insane! And believe me, after the many lunatics I've worked with, I would know all too well!" Cortex snorted.

"That's a nice way of saying you're insane." Mizore teased.

"Oh, shots fired!" Grif laughed.

"No, not yet, Grif. We don't have our paintball guns right now." Caboose told him.

"No, it's... Y'know what, never mind." Grif sighed.

Then the familiar face of the Brooklyn Guy approached them. "Hey there. Come to shoot each other in the face with hardened balls of paint?" Then he shot Cortex right in the face several times, painting it red and blue. "HA! NAILED YA! Yeah, you ain't got nothin' on these skills, little man! Hahaha! How's that paint taste, ya balding little bitch?! Yeah! Suck it! Suck botha deez nuts!" He noticed the unamused looks everyone was giving him. "Haha... Uh... So yeah... Luigi'll get you guys all set up, I'm gonna go and uh... cry in the bathroom for a little while..." He trudged off slowly.

Stanley looked at the guy in both confusion and annoyance. "On one hand, I'm kind of wondering if he's okay, but on the other, I'm not sure I want to know or if I'm glad he's not okay." He said.

"Eh. Guy works literally everywhere, he's probably gonna be taking out a little steam every now and then." Garcello reasoned. "Also his wife is... kind of annoying."

"Tch. That's putting it mildly." Cortex huffed, wiping the paint off himself.

They soon entered the building and, with the help of a man in a green shirt and overalls, they were soon suited up and ready to begin playing. "Let's do this!" Stanley cheered.

"Yeah! Beg for mercy and know you will receive non!" The Mask laughed evilly.

"Oh but it is you who shall be begging for mercy! There is no one in this building more proficient in firearms than me-AAAAAHAAAAAA!" Cortex was cut off when Caboose commited friendly fire on him from behind.

"Sorry. I was going after Stanley but someone put you in my way."

"I'm on your team, too, Caboose." Stanley reminded the clueless soldier.

"Yeah, shoot at Grif and Crash!" Yukari yelled at him.

Caboose nodded and aimed his paintball gun at Grif.

Grif yelped and used Mizore as a shield.

Mizore made an ice wall to protect herself, then froze Grif. "Thanks, jerk." She said.

Crash, meanwhile, swallowed his gun and began to spit paintballs out of his mouth.

"What the heck!?" Stanley asked, mouth agape.

"Now that's a colorful diet!" The Mask laughed.

He took a faceful of paintballs and screamed "MAN DOWN!" as he plummeted to the ground.

Crash ran around and barraged the opposing team with his new mouth ammo. Garcello thought fast. Grabbing one of his cigarettes, he inhaled, then breathed out a thick cloud of smoke to obscure the bandicoot's sight.

"That's pretty impressive." Stanley said in surprise at the improvised smokescreen.

"Now time for some magic! Giant paint can!" Yukari declared, creating a giant can of paint that leaned forward and dumped their paint color, sending it towards the other team like a tsunami.

Mizore gaped before thinking fast and blasting the oncoming wave of paint with a blast of ice, freezing it solid, but distracting her long enough for Caboose to get a good hit on her.

"I did it! I hit someone on the other team!" Caboose cheered, before Grif shot him in the chest. "Ah, son of a bitch..." He complained.

"Well, you still got one of them Caboose, good job." Stanley said, patting the soldier on the back.

"Thank you." Caniose turned to acknowledge Stanley, only to accidentally pull the trigger on his gun and blast him in the groin.

Stanley let out a pained wheeze, before falling back onto the ground, holding his poor crotch. "Medic! We need a medic out here! Don't you die on me, buddy!" The Mask pleaded, doing CPR on the still fully conscious Stanley.

He even sprouted a nurse hat and a comedically large pair of lips for the purpose of the bit. Grif seized the opportunity to strike and shot the Mask in the back of the hear several times.

"Oh, that's a cheap shot!" The Mask complained.

"I will take revenge!" Yukari cried out, shooting at Grif.

Grif yelped and grabbed Crash, giving him a heimlich maneuver so that he would spit up paintballs all across the field.

Everyone ducked behind cover, firing back at Grif when it was safe.

Grif used Crash as a shield, and he opened up his mouth to catch the oncoming projectiles so he could replenish his stomach ammo.

"That is SO cheating!" Yukari whined.

Crash giggled in response and spewed a series of paintballs her way as Grif squeezed him like a stress ball to keep the ammo firing.

Yukari made a giant hand with her wand to block the shots.

Then she used it to snatch Crash away from Grif and use him against his own team.

"Oh, come on! How is that fair!? She's using magic!" Grif complained.

"About as fair as using Crash as a gun and shield." Aku Aku said.

Grif looked at his floating teammate. "Protect me, Aku Aku!"

"Well... All right, just this once." He fixed himself on the front of Grif's helmet, and Grif rushed forward, his gun blazing.

"That is SO cheating! You're still getting hit, you're just invincible!" Yukari complained.

"Oh, you so do NOT have any right to get on my case for cheating, little miss spellcaster!" Grif retorted.

"Oh yeah! Never mind then!" Yukari giggled.

"I've been looking for a chance to use my new invention!" Coco said, deploying a paintball sentry gun.

She rushed over to join Grif and Aku Aku. "Hang on, Crash! Help is on the way!" And then she opened fire on the opposing team, aiming at Yukari as much as she could to free her older brother from her clutches.

"I'll save you magical girl!" Caboose said, firing at the group.

Subaru stepped forward to aid his team with a crafty trick. "Hey, Caboose! I think Cortex needs a little help over there!"

"Okay!" Caboose stopped helping Yukari and shot at Cortex. "I am helping!"

"We're on the same side, you fool! Stop shooting at me!" The scientist snapped.

"Can't hear you! I am too busy trying to help you!" Caboose yelled back, landing a 'lucky shot' in Cortex's balls.

"Aah!" Cortex screamed, falling to the ground. "That's... NOT... Helping..." He groaned.

At that moment, Grif ran by, trampling Cortex in the process, and he shot wildly at everyone he could with Aku Aku's protection giving him the necesarry protection to avoid getting hit himself.

"This is getting ridiculous!" Yukari complained.

Grif cackled as he aimed for her. She yelped and ducked, dodged and weaved around his shots... allowing Mizore to get in a sneak attack.

"No fair!" She complained.

Mizore just smirked as an ice clone got another shot in.

Yukari summoned a golden washtub to hide behind.

But she didn't count on another ice clone that managed to get her in the back of the head. She quickly realized that Mizore's clones had guns made of ice that shot snowballs rather than paintballs.

"That so doesn't count!" The little witch complained.

"Man, I never thought paintball could be this insane." Stanley said.

"In this town, everything's insane." Garcello replied coolly as he obscured them in a cloud of smoke to escape the chaos.

"Whew. That's a neat trick." Stanley said, looking for a target through the smoke.

"Try shooting over to your left, dude." Garcello instructed. Stanley blinked, then obeyed and was rewarded with Subaru yelping in surprise.

"Alright! I got Subaru!" Stanley cheered.

"Nice shootin', Tex!" The Mask praised.

Garcello chuckled. "When you're constantly puffing out smoke like a train, ya learn to see right through it..."

"Makes sense." Stanley said.

The air starts getting heavier as it cools down, the smoke clearing up. Mizore is using her powers to counter the smoke. "Found you." She said, shooting at Garcello.

Garcello grunted as the paintballs struck him full in the chest. "Heh... My best asset, perfectly countered..."

Mizore smirked. "I've had some practice against fire and smoke users." She explained.

"Well I bet ya haven't had practice against THIS!" The Mask flew up and transformed into a missile of paint that launched itself directly at Mizrore. The snow woman blinked.

"Oh dear."

BOOOOM!

Mizore was now completely drenched with paint. "That was just a bit extreme, don't you think?" She asked.

The Mask responded by slamming a bucket of paint on her head.

Mizore shoots ice blocks everywhere.

She couldn't see anything, so she was just firing everywhere in hopes of hitting something
The result? She froze half her team.

"For such a cool girl, she's a bit of a hot-head!" The Mask said as he blasted Stanley with a flamethrower to un-freeze him.

Stanley shivered and hugged himself for warmth. "Y-Yeah, you can say that again... Uh... Can you cool her off a bit...? She's still going nuts."

"Got it!" The Mask declared, flying above Mizore and pulling a 500 pound bag of rock salt out of nowhere, pouring it on the snow woman.

Mizore's eyes widened as she felt her skin began to sting and burn. She stared blankly for several seconds. "...Ow."

The Mask was surprised at her bland response. "Huh. I was expecting a bit more of a reaction than that." He said.

"You're a dick. Please die." Mizore replied in a monotone voice.

"Yeah, something like that!" The Mask cheered.

"Hey, Caboose! I think Crash and Coco need some help!" Stanley told the blue soldier.

"Okay!" Caboose started firing in Crash and Coco's general direction. Crasj received multiple paintballs to the backside as Coco took cover.

"Oh, there's Grif! He needs a lot of help!" Stanley then instructed, guiding Caboose wherever he was needed, quickly turning the tide in their favor.

"Don't worry, Grif! Help has arrived!" Caboose exclaimed, aiming his gun. Grif gasped.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Alright, Stan! You're the man!" The Mask cheered for his host.

Grif collapsed to the ground as fifty seven paintballs nailed him right in the balls. Not even Aku Aku could protect from that.

"Great job, Caboose!" Stanley cheered.

"That guy's a real ball buster!" The Mask laughed.

"F*CK YOOOOOOOUUUU!" Grif shrieked in a high pitched voice.

"Wow, Grif! You're getting really good at that impression of your sister! You sounded exactly like her that time! " Caboose praised, not realizing the actual reason for Grif's high pitch.

"Caboose, I swear to God I am going to f*cking murder you." Grif wheezed as he collapsed to his knees.

"Tucker did it!" Caboose insisted.

"F*ck you, Caboose!" Tucker could be heard screaming in the distance.

Then the sound of Vanilla's voice shouting 'Watch your mouth, Tucker!' was heard immediately afterward.

"Wow. I never thought I'd hear a full conversation happening between people who were blocks away from each other." Stanley said, chuckling a bit.

"Have those two got some pipes on them!" The Mask laughed before deciding to join the conversation. "HI, VANILLA! HI TUCKER!"

"WHO THE HEL ARE YOU?!" Tucker yelled back.

"TUCKER, THAT IS VERY RUDE! YOU SHOULD BE POLITE TO NEW PEOPLE!" Vanilla scolded.

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SORRY, GEEZ! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU THEN?!" Stanley swore he could hear Vanilla facepalm.

"I'M THE MASK! BASICALLY CHAOS AND MISCHIEF INCARNATE!" The Mask yelled.

"You know, this is probably giving away our position." Stanley pointed out.

As if on cue, multiple paintballs struck both of them dead on.

"Well, I didn't wanna be rude." The Mask huffed.

"You cause havoc wherever you go and give people wedgies all the time. How is that not rude?" Stanley asked.

"Cause it's comedy gold, Stan!" The Mask replied with a large grin, only to be gunned down by more paintballs.

Even Stanley couldn't help but fire a couple rounds into his partner's face.

"Yeesh. Tough crowd." The now deep blue coloured mask chuckled.

"That's what happens when you make our team lose!" Yukari complained.

"You did totally give away our position." Stanley agreed.

"What? We were having a conversation!" The Mask protested.

"In the middle of a war." Subaru said flatly.

However, more paintball being fired at them brought them back to reality.

Yukari yelped and hid behind Stanley. "Stanley, help, I don't wanna be a piece of abstract art!"

"Mask, do something!" Stanley cried out fearfully. However, the "something" the chaotic entity decided to do... was dance to gangnam style.

Stanley quirked a brow at this, but made no further comment. He knew his partner better than anyone. There was a method to his madness.

"What's he doing?" Coco asked.

"Is that... The gangnam style dance?" Cortex asked.

"What's up with the Rayman hands?" Mizore drawled.

"Is he always this... random...?" Subaru asked.

"Always." Stanley confirmed.

"It's part of my charm!" The Mask said.

"And it did make for a pretty efficient distraction." Stanley remarked.

"Wait what-" Subaru was cut off when the rest of Stsnley's team opened fire.

"Aah! It's a trap! A stupid, yet brilliant trap!" Cortex screamed.

"Avenge meeee!" Coco cried as she was pelted with cannonballs.

The Mask took a bow as Stanley applauded.

"I think you just won us the game there, partner."

"No problem, good buddy." Stanley said happily as the team cheered in victory.

"Well, I'd say you redeemed yourself." Garcello chuckled, clapping the Mask on the back.

"Aww, gee! Thanks, pal!" The Mask said happily, patting Garcello on the back as well.

"So, what now?" Stanley asked.

"Urgh... I believe most of us need to wash off..." Cortex groaned.

"Yeah, I'm kinda beat for the day." Subaru agreed.

"Sarge'll blow a vessel if I don't get Caboose back by curfew." Grif remarked.

"My parents should be making dinner about now..." Yukari mused.

"I have homework." Mizore drawled.

"Yeah, we should probably head home, too. I start my job tomorrow." Stanley said.

The Mask floated over by Stanley's side. "Hahaha! From one shoddy run-down bank to another! Well at least this one's got a cute catgirl workin' there!"

"That's... not the main reason I'm working there..." Stanley said in embarrassment.

"Suuure, it's not." Grif said.

Stanley rubbed the back of his head. "No, really, it's just something I know well."

"Aw, come on, Stanney Boy, you know you're feelin' lonely!" The Mask egged him on with a wide toothy grin.

"Quit it, will you!" Stanley complained, annoyed by his partners constant egging on.

"Still, everyone needs someone special to them." Mizore says.

She said this with a blush and drool on the corner of her mouth.

It was... a little unsettling.

"Mizore, you're doing it again." Yukari said with a deadpan.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about Tsukune again." She said.

"Tsukune, huh? He live here too?" Stanley asked.

"Nah, he was an exchange student. Went back home last year." Grif replied.

"Yeah, we really miss him." Yukari said.

"He was a good friend. And I wish he could've been more." Mizore agreed.

"Ah, a lost chance at love... Tragic..." The Mask said softly.

"Yeah, that's... the story of my life, really..." Stanley chuckled.

"Sorry to hear that, man." Grif said.

"At least someone can understand. " mizore said with a sad smile.

"I had a girlfriend once." Caboose spoke up.

"We've been over this, Caboose." Grif replied. Caboose ignored him.

"Her name was Emilia."

"That's good for you, Caboose. I'm sure there's someone out there for you." Stanley said supportively.

"No. Emilia was the only one for me... If only I didn't forget our special word..." Caboose moaned.

"Yeah, ya gotta pick easier passwords, buddy." Subaru said with a small chuckle.

"Wow..." Stanley said.

"And I thought I was a few screws loose." The Mask said.

"Oh no, I have plenty of screws. How else would I fix Sheila all the time?" Caboose replied.

"You don't do that, Caboose. Lopez does." Grif said.

"Well I give him the screws!"

"Yeah, after you run off with them!"

"I feel like we need more context than that." Stanley said.

"We've gotta hang out with these guys next time we have a day off!" The Mask said.

"You just wanna watch the chaos unfold." Stanley said flatly.

"Ah, ya read me like a book, Stanny!" The Mask cackled.

And with that, everyone went their separate ways, Stanley heading back to his new apartment.

He let out a sigh and put his hands in his pockets as his newly sentient roommate floated alongside him. "Pretty eventuful day."

"I'll say! This place is a real hoot! And I got to see some of my old friends again! I'm really gonna like it around here!" The Mask agreed.

Stanley chuckled. "Your antics definitely seem more accepted here. We haven't met any Kelloways yet."

Suddenly, as the two reached their apartment, they noticed someone standing in front of it: an anthropomorphic fox woman in a police uniform.

Stanley and the Mask exchanged a glance. "Uh... So, we're gonna end up comedically injuring her a lot, aren't we?" Stanley whispered to his partner.

"Oh, you know it, partner! She's gonna have to dedicate half her money to bath supplies!" The Mask declared.

Stanley took a deep breath and decided to approach, because hey... He needed to get into his house anyway.

She sees him approaching. "So, you are the new resident? Stanley Ipkiss, I believe?" She questioned.

"Uh... Yeah, that'd be me, ma'am... And uh... Who might you be?" He asked, worrying he'd done something wrong.

"Inspector Carmelita Fox. I am responsible for keeping the chaos in this town to a minimum... I realize the town is still quite chaotic, but it was much worse before I got here! And I've heard tales from Aku-Aku about a being of chaos similar to your friend there. Admittedly, I can't do anything until you do something unlawful, but I will be keeping my eye on you in the meantime. And I live in the house right next to yours, so I'll be able to keep a REAL close eye on you." She warned him.

Just then, the Brooklyn Guy walked up holding a large box of doughnuts and wearing a cop uniform. "Oh, and uh... I'm here too... Um... I'm her partner. Yeah, she uh... She gets mad at me a lot because I keep getting called away from the line of duty to do my other jobs. Just yesterday I had to leave in the middle of a high speed chase because Billy from across the street drank all the stuff under the sink. You meet Billy yet? Tall kid, looks like a grown ass man, wears glasses, carries around a Barney the Dinosaur plushie... Yeah, he drinks that stuff all the time and I have to keep entering the Contra code to save his stupid ass, I'm a doctor too, it's kinda my fallback plan, uh... Yeah, so we argued a lot, she wasn't letting me out, so I jumped out of the car... Not the best move, I broke my entire pelvis... Uh, they still made me do the surgery, I couldn't move, so my wife had to come over and hold me up so I could get everything done... uh, Carmelita came over and she really let me have it, so I had to deal with my wife screeching in my ear and my partner bitching at me at the exact same time... It was sad. I was very sad. And I cried myself to sleep that night. You want a doughnut? I'm not gonna give you one, so I don't really know why I asked..."

Carmelita rubbed her temples as the man rambled on and on.

Stanley just sat there in shock at what Brooklyn Guy had just told him. "I... I don't know how to respond to that." He said.

"Guy, I swear I am going to convince the chief to fire you one of these days..." Carmelita groaned in frustration

"Ha! You underestimate my ability to pathetically beg and whine! Chief always lets me back on in the end! Probably cause we're like... the only decent cops in town... Everyone else goes right for the Black Egrets or works for the Medicis..." Guy muttered.

"The who now?" Stanley asked, somewhat concerned about what he might hear.

"Well, the Egrets are the good guys, they work under Princess Parasoul. Yeah, they uh... kinda have some unfortunate nazi motifs goin' on, but they're totally on the right side. The Medicis, though? Don't mess around with those guys, they will slaughter EVERYONE you love. Ya met Squigly earlier? Guess why she's a zombie." Brooklyn Guy explained.

"Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for the warning." Stanley said.

"Yeah, we've had a few bad run-ins with leatherheads in the past. Don't need any more of those!" The Mask agreed.

Stanley and the Mask exchanged a glance. They had a feeling they would be combating these Medicis rather frequently...

"You two don't need to worry about them too much. They know better than to pull anything too crazy in my town." Carmelita said with a snarl.

"Uuuuhh... Yeah, no, pretty sure they're ten times more scared of Alastor than they are of you. And Dingodile literally slaughtered a bunch of 'em for messin' with those girls of his... Uhh, Sarge shoots 'em on sight, so they avoid the Red's area like the plague... And I dunno what went down between them and Big, but they freak the hell out every time he goes near their turf to sell his fish..." Brooklyn Guy rambled.

"Wow. It seems like the town is pretty safe then, with all of you guys protecting it." Stanley said.

"Indeed. It is quite a peaceful area." Carmelita agreed with a nod shortly before something nearby exploded and Ian was heard screaming in agony.

"You were saying?" The Mask asked smugly.

"Mask!" Stanley scolded his partner. "I'm sorry. He doesn't speak for me!" He apologized.

Carmelita narrowed her eyes at the floating mask.

"Yes, I suppose it would be unreasonable to expect an average man to keep him under control... I know too well the power of these masks. I'll be sure to keep him in line for you."

"No need! I'll be sure to make sure he behaves himself. Isn't that right, Mask, my good friend?" Stanley said, smiling while glaring at the mask as if to say "For the love of all that is holy, SHUT UP!"

The Mask simply grinned in response. "Okay, yeah, sure, sure, I'll follow the law. Unless of course I find something really really fun to do, then I will take the law and shove it carefully up a guy's nose!" Stanley facepalmed.

"Why?!" Stanley cried out.

Carmelita growled at this. "And when you do that, I'll be waiting with a shock pistol round that has your name on it!" She declared.

"Don't threaten me with a good time!" The Mask retorted.

"Why oh why myst you make everything so hard on me, Mask?!" Stanley protested. "Stop making enemies with the law!"

"Never!" The sentient face covering declared.

"We'll see how long you last in this town, buster." Carmelita said as she went inside her house.

Stanley facepalmed.

The Mask laughed. "Oh, honey... The Mask is here to stay!" The Mask said at Caremelita's retreating form.

"Uh...Ya sure you wanna piss her off? She has a rocket launcher y'know." The Brooklyn Guy warned.

"Oh, so do I! The Mask says, reaching into Stanley's pocket and pulling out a pair of bazooka's.

"How does that still work when I'm not wearing you?" Stanley wondered.

"I can still do the same wacky, zany stuff I can all on my own! But you wearing me makes me WAY stronger!"

"Ah. I'm some kinda battery." Stanley said flatly,

"Nail on the head, old buddy!" The mask said, tossing the bazooka's over his shoulder, causing them to fire off into the air, exploding like fireworks. "Ooh, ahh..." The sentient face-covering said.

Stevie screamed offscreen. "Ouch! It took my arm off and blew a hole in my chest! I'm starting to lose blood! Someone help, I can see demons!"

Brooklyn Guy sighed. "I'll go and save Stevie's stupid ass... You're lucky it was just him, or I'd be arresting you right now!"

"Not sorry!" The Mask called after him.

"For once, neither am I." Stanley said.

The Brooklyn Guy grumbled as he took off to save Stevie.

"Man! So much fun in just the first few days! Imagine how the rest of the week will go." The Mask said.

Stanley let out a long suffering sigh and shook his head. "Yeah, just imagine..." He said in exasperation and slight dread.

Stanley went inside his apartment and settled down into his bed, wondering what life would throw at him tomorrow.

The Mask, meanwhile, found a nice spot on the wall above Stanley's bed and settled down there for the night.

New introductions...

Brooklyn Guy is from SuperMarioLogan

Angry Video Game Nerd

Noel Vermillion from BlazBlue

Ms. Fortune, Peacock, Squigly and Marie from Skullgirls

Walter from Jeff Dunham

Stevie from Smosh

Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty and Husk from Hazbin Hotel

Crash, Coco, Cortex and Aku Aku from Crash Bandicoot

Tharja from Fire Emblem

Omega from Sonic the Hedgehog

Yukari from Rosario + Vampire

Zim from Invader Zim

Garcello from Friday Night Funkin' mods

Luigi from SMG4