Full Summary:
Rocks falling. The anguished scream that escaped from her lips. The sight of Obito half-crushed underneath a boulder, a wobbly smile planted on his face as he tried to reassure Kakashi and her that everything would be okay.
That scene was forever burned into the forefront of her memories.
When Rin found herself thrown back to the day prior to the dreadful Kannabi Bridge mission, she leapt at the opportunity to change the course of their fates. Yet even the most miniscule changes caused the dominos to fall, for the ripple effect to span years into the future, causing ramifications that Rin never foresaw.
The future had spiraled out of her control.
All Rin ever wanted was for her teammates to live.
Why was that so selfish of her?
TW: Mentions of suicide, heavy angst, blood and violence (but probably on par with canon level)
Everything had gone eerily quiet. The shrill noise of the sound of a thousand chirping birds no longer rung in her ears. The whispers of Kakashi's name no longer ricocheted off of the invisible walls in her mind. The shouts, the ringing noise of kunais clashing together, the footsteps, the commotion, the whirlwind of chaos that surrounded her, ensnared her, and suffocated her…all of that had faded away in a blink of an eye.
For some inexplicable reason, Rin suddenly felt much lighter, much freer. The source of her anxiety had been in the form of a consistent tingling feeling in the pit of her stomach ever
since she had awoken in Kiri's cave. The suppressing feeling had been lifted now that she knew that she couldn't possibly become the perpetrator of countless of innocent deaths anymore.
Her life in exchange for dozens of others…it had been worth it.
It was worth it.
At least that was what Rin thought until an anguished scream inside of her head made her keel over. Sinking down into a sitting position, both of her hands were raised, pressed on both sides of her head as she desperately tried to shake out the voice that wracked from the inside.
"RIN!" Kakashi. That was Kakashi's voice. He repeated her name once more, this time a lot quieter and more hoarse. A hiccup followed, then a choked sob. Her heart clenched tightly at hearing how broken and devastated Kakashi sounded.
It was her fault. She had been too weak to end it herself and had chosen to die by his hand instead. In every way possible, Kakashi was much stronger than she would ever be.
He'll be fine. He'll be okay. He'll get through it, just like he did with his father and Obito-
Selfish. A harsh and frigid voice interrupted her mantra. You're selfish, don't you know that?
"No, I'm saving a bunch of innocent peoples' lives!" Rin shouted into the void, even though she had no inkling of where the voice was even coming from. "I'm not! I only had good intentions…" A choked sob wracked her, sending a fresh wave of tears streaking down her cheeks as she tightly hugged her knees.
What about Kakashi? Don't you know he'll bear the burden of having your blood stained on his hands? The feeling of his hand ripping through your chest? The haunting echoes of your voice uttering his name one last time?
"No. Nononono, I didn't mean to-" There had been more that she wanted to say, but the denial remained lodged in the back of her throat. The only noise she could emit was the sound of sniffling, and the occasional hiccup. She cried and cried until the tears ran dry, the tip of her nose was bright red, her throat became hoarse, and her eyes felt like they were burning.
Everything hurt. The searing pain in her chest had nothing to do with having a Chidori slammed right through her. A tumultuous feeling wracked her stomach, sending bile rising in her throat. Her head was throbbing, pounding. The vicious voice inside of her head was unrelenting, almost like it was determined to thoroughly break her inside and out before it would go away.
"Go away, go away, go away. Please I'm begging you. Go away-"
"Rin?" A new voice? Desperate to free herself of the cruel voice that played like a broken record inside of her head, Rin latched onto that new voice, desperate to search for it. She didn't even stop to think that it sounded so much like Minato sensei's voice, and theoretically, she shouldn't be hearing his voice…
"Rin? Rin?" There it was again. That voice. Rin wasn't imagining things; she wasn't making things up inside of her head. No, she swore she hadn't gone completely insane yet, but she would if she had to listen to that voice accuse her of being selfish for another minute.
No, she needed to get out of this toxic environment-
And then her eyes snapped open. The harsh glare of the sunlight forced her to raise a hand to shield her eyes from the direct impact.
Had her eyes been closed the entire time? Why was it so bright…?
Her confused thoughts trailed off when Rin finally registered three pairs of eyes staring straight at her. Three very familiar faces.
One of them was supposed to be buried six feet under, crushed underneath a pile of boulders. The other two, she wasn't supposed to see again. She'd left them behind in the world of living.
Why were they here in the afterlife? Was this even the afterlife? What, where-?
"Rin?" Minato. Now that she had a face to match the voice who had been saying her name all along, it finally hit her that he was the one who had been calling her name all this time.
"...Minato sensei?" Rin responded, hesitantly. She was still stuck in her stupor, unable to register that Minato sensei was standing right in front of her, a look of concern etched across his features.
"Are you okay? You seem to be a bit pale and we've been calling your name for a while now. Do you need to go to the hospital?"
Rin found the energy to shake her head. "No, I'm fine. Just a bit…dizzy." An understatement of the year. Her head was spinning so rapidly from trying to make sense of what was going on that she was surprised that black dots hadn't clouded her vision by now.
Her team wasn't convinced.
"I'm fine." Rin cleared her throat. "I'll be fine after a good night's rest."
Minato raised a questioning eyebrow. "Are you sure? We have an important mission tomorrow. We need you to be in tip top shape just in case we run into any trouble out there."
A mission? What mission, Rin wanted to ask, but she knew that would only tip Minato sensei off that something was wrong with her. Zoning out during a mission briefing was something that Obito did, not her. In her current state, Rin would be lucky if she could lower their suspicions.
Rin forced a smile, and injected faux cheer into her voice. "Yeah, I'll be fine! It's just been a long day for me today."
Luckily, Minato sensei seemed to accept her answer and turned his attention onto Obito. Minato made Obito recite the details of the mission as his way of obtaining assurance that the hyperactive kid had been listening to his instructions. Thankfully, because Rin had no idea what was going on, where she was, how she got here, or what time it was.
And then when the words "Kannabi Bridge" slipped from Obito's lips, her blood ran cold. Her heart skipped a beat. The feeling of deja vu washed over her like a tidal wave, and if she had been standing, Rin was certain that she would have been knocked clean off of her feet. Flashes of the fresh, jagged scar over Kakashi's left eye flickered through her memory. Of Obito's half crushed body underneath that damned boulder. Of how strained Obito's voice sounded when he imparted his final words to her and Kakashi. Of the sound of rocks clattering against each other, toppling over one another as they completely buried him. Of the hollow feeling of victory as she watched the sparks fly in the air, the ground rumbling beneath her feet, and the booming noise filling her ears as the explosion of the bridge was set off. Of her fingers trailing over the cool quartz surface, tracing the kanji of Obito's name with her fingertips.
And now she was here all over again, reliving the day prior to the mission that left lasting scars on their team.
Rin wasn't sure if this was real or just a figment of her imagination.
But she'd be damned if she allowed it to happen a second time.
When the clock struck midnight, Rin snuck out of her house to pay a visit to the closest training grounds. Once she was there, she ran through the motions of performing the basic katas, practiced her aim by tossing an endless stream of shurikens and kunais, and executed all of the jutsus that she knew. Again and again until those sealing sequences became like second nature to her, to the point where Rin could perform them even in her sleep.
When her chakra reserves ran low, Rin switched to honing her taijutsu. The sound of her whacking the wooden dummy emitted through the forest, piercing through the dull, monotone noise of crickets buzzing in the night. By the end of it all, the dummy ended up as nothing more than pieces of straw scattered across the grass. Every single muscle in her body burned, yet that pain had been nothing compared to losing a friend on the battlefield.
Realistically, Rin knew that one night of training wouldn't make her substantially stronger. However, the least she could do was try. If Rin could prevent herself from getting captured by the Iwa nins, Obito and Kakashi wouldn't have even been near the caves in the first place. Kakashi would still have his left eye and Obito, his life. The three of them would make it out of the mission intact.
Together.
Whole.
Rin would make sure of it.
The mission panned out just like it had before. Minato gathered them to run through the details of the mission once more, making sure to pound the route they needed to take into their heads. Rin and Minato handed off their gifts to Kakashi for making jonin, while Obito showed up empty-handed. Half-serious jabs were thrown at each other. Right when it seemed like it would escalate into bickering, Minato stepped into between them.
"Please, this is an important mission. Teamwork is important." Both boys turned their heads to the other side, pointedly looking everywhere but at each other.
If only they knew how important this mission was…
On their trek to the split-off point, an Iwa nin and his nineteen clones intercepted them. Before Rin could warn Kakashi off about the dangers of his Chidori jutsu, he'd already activated the jutsu. The intensity of the condensed chakra made her shift away from him, the same electrifying feeling racing up and down her nerves as she felt when the Chidori slammed through her chest.
Such immense power bundled in the palm of his hand…
His left foot dug into the dirt and then Kakashi was gone in a streak of white. In a split second, Minato was gone too, leaving the two of them behind. Obito turned to Rin.
"Hey, when did Bakashi learn that jutsu anyways? I have never seen him-"
"Watch out!" Rin shouted. Her hand clamped down on Obito's shoulder, pulling him out of the way as the Iwa nin clone jumped out of the dirt at him. By the time the body had completely emerged out of the ground, Rin was already there, kunai in hand to slash right through his torso. The clone disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Out of the corner of her eye, Rin registered a flash of yellow. Minato was smiling at her.
"Nice reaction, Rin," Minato said, before he turned to address Obito. "Now that we are in enemy territory, you need to be on your guard at all times, got that?"
Obito nodded as he lifted his orange goggles and wiped away a tear from the corner of his eye.
Just as fast as he came, Minato had left again. Rin approached Obito, wanting to ask him if he had been hurt anywhere, yet the moment she took a step forward, she noticed his body language shifting away from her.
"Obito?"
"Ye-ah?" Obito tried so hard to hide the quiver in his voice, but still failed to cover up how frightened by the sudden enemy appearance he had been. Rin wanted to comfort him, to say something like how she had been scared too the first time around, but how did one explain her current predicament?
She hadn't even sorted out exactly what had happened in her head yet.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Obito didn't seem open to offering more than that and Rin knew better than to press the issue.
The two of them stood back to back behind the log, feet spread out in a fighting stance, with a kunai drawn protectively in front of them in complete silence until Kakashi and Minato returned.
Instinctively, Rin approached Kakashi to heal the wound on the underside of the arm when she realized that there was no blood dripping. Kakashi wasn't favoring one arm. Minato hadn't bothered to lecture Kakashi this time around.
His arm wound was noticeably missing.
Her heart was pounding rapidly. It had been over an hour since their team had split up with Minato and with each step she took, it felt like there was a landmine underneath her feet. Any moment now, the other group of Iwa nins were going to ambush them. Once they did, all Rin needed to make sure was that she didn't get caught this time around. That way, Kakashi and Obito would have no reason to be near that treacherous cave…
A shoot of bamboo hit the surface of the pond, sending a spray of droplets towards them. Rin immediately saw through the illusion, breaking out of it in a millisecond and then reaching towards Obito to disrupt the genjutsu for him as well. By the time Rin helped Obito to break out of the illusion, Kakashi was already charging towards the pond at one of the Iwa nins. Swords already drawn, their blades collided.
A pulse of chakra from behind! The heel of her foott dug into the dirt as Rin whirled around to block an incoming kunai with one of her own. The Iwa nin bore his weight against the attack, forcing Rin to break contact as her arms began to quiver underneath the pressure. She retreated a few steps back, tossing a glance over her shoulder to note Kakashi's position.
Rin gritted her teeth. Not good. The two Iwa nins were cornering them. One of them needed to break out of it, before they fell into their trap.
A spray of bamboo shoots fell from the sky.
"Obito!" Rin shouted. Obito was already there, using his fire style jutsu to burn all of them to a crisp before they fell on top of them. Rin side-stepped to avoid the hot piles of ashes that rained down on them.
Okay now, what did she remember about their abilities? One of them had extremely good control over earth style ninjutsus and the other's ability was…invisibility. Right. Last time, the one with invisibility was the one who had snuck up behind her.
As long as Rin kept him in her sights, she would be fine-
Her eyes darted around the clearing. Kakashi and Obito were working together to back the first Iwa nin into a corner, but the other was completely gone. Presence completely erased. From what Kakashi told her afterwards, even his nose couldn't pick up his scent.
A true camouflage.
Rin broke out into a run towards her teammates. The very least that she could do was stay close to them, so that they could guard her back. Two steps away from reaching them, Rin felt the air stir next to her, lifting up a few strands of her hair. A hand closed around her wrist right as her feet struck out, making contact with something solid. The force of her kick was enough for the Iwa nin to drop his camouflage technique. Rin capitalized on these few precious moments, wrenching her arm out of the Iwa nin's hold in one abrupt movement.
Channeling chakra to the palm of her hand, Rin lunged forward to strike at the Iwa nin with her chakra scalpel. Her hand swung, the sharp edge of her blue chakra cutting through the first layer of his armor. The Iwa nin backflipped a few times to get out of her range, hands already running through a sealing sequence. His hands slammed down on the ground right as Obito launched a massive fireball in his direction.
Over the roar of the flame, her ears registered a shout of someone's name. By the time the fire fizzled out, all that remained were the remnants of the charred mud wall and the three of them in the open clearing.
The Iwa nins had retreated.
They were safe.
No arm injury for Kakashi. No abductions. No breaking out into a massive argument in the middle of the forest over the importance of the mission or team. Now that they were in the final stretch of their mission, Rin couldn't help but feel a tad bit hopeful that they would make it out alright.
Despite their differences and disagreements, they'd be alright. She'd hoped that this time she would be able to face a proud sensei, not one with a pinched expression on his face when Minato realized that he had been too late to save his student. Her sensei never said anything about it, but she knew that he inwardly blamed himself.
Kakashi did too.
Rin didn't understand why. Obito's death had been her fault. If only she hadn't been weak enough to have gotten herself captured…
But, this time, Rin was determined to rectify her mistake. She wouldn't let her team down a second time.
Kakashi stopped just shy of reaching the Kannabi Bridge. Fishing binoculars out of his backpack, Rin waited patiently behind him as he scanned the foot of the bridge for any sign of a threat. Behind her, Obito was shifting from the anticipation of finishing this mission, from the excitement of playing such an integral part of turning the tide of the Third Great Ninja War.
Rin watched as Kakashi dropped the binoculars back into his open sack, casually zipping up his backpack while still staring in the direction of the bridge. He raised his left hand, holding up two fingers.
Two enemies. The same ones from before?
Just as she finished that train of thought, two fingers turned into three, then five, and kept increasing and increasing until he finally stopped at twelve.
Twelve enemy nins. Why were there so many? There had been none at the bridge the last time around-
Right as the answer dawned on her, Obito let out a cry of pain. Rin whirled around, kunai already poised in front of her, but was still too slow to avoid an invisible kick to the chest that knocked her off balance. Toppling out of the tree branch, Rin attempted to shift herself in mid-air to land on her feet.
And she was glad that she had because the moment she landed, a barrage of shurikens came flying at her. With no time to contemplate whether or not Obito was okay and how Kakashi was faring against his opponents, her instincts kicked in to dodge the incoming projectiles. While she easily fended off the first wave of attack, the second wasn't so easy.
Especially not when facing off against three grown men that were twice her size and extremely adept at taijutsu, her strongest weapon right now. As a non-combatant type, her offensive skills were only mediocre at best; taijutsu being her strongest suit. Even then, her taijutsu was only merely better than the average kunoichi her age, which was proving to be not much against two taijutsu experts and one long distance fighter.
From the moment one of the Iwa nins made his first punch, Rin knew that she was fighting a losing battle. However, for the sake of her comrades, she had to stand her ground, she had to buy them more time. At the very least, the longer she dragged out this fight, the longer she kept those three Iwa nins occupied.
It didn't matter if Rin died. As long as Obito and Kakashi made it out alive, Rin would die content.
Only when she caught a glimpse of Obito falling and Kakashi struggling to ward off his five attackers, her heart dropped. Her brief moment of distraction was enough for the enemy nin to sink a kunai into the side of her stomach. Pain exploded from her side, but that was nothing compared to the searing, knife twisting in her gut feeling she experienced when she saw an Iwa nin ram a long blade clean through Obito's stomach. She cried out in agony, not from her pain, but from her feeling of helplessness.
Rin should be by his side to help him, heal him, yet as her own knees buckled underneath her weight, she knew that she wouldn't be going anywhere, wouldn't have the energy to save anyone. The green chakra emitting from her left side flickered on and off as Rin lost control over her chakra.
Her shoulder slammed against the hard ground. The world was spinning. Black dots danced around the edges of her vision.
Empty. Numb. Dead.
Before the light succumbed to the darkness, the splotch of silver in her vision suddenly was tainted red.
Blood red.
And then the lights went out.
A/N: Hi everyone!
I know I'm supposed to be working on Blinding Loyalty and Bitter Hearts, but a plot bunny attacked me and I just had to write it. On the bright side, a rough draft of this fic is finished so I anticipate posting weekly so I have some time to edit. The fic doesn't end here!
I always wanted to explore the concept for a time loop fic because most of the ones I've read are usually one shots so I wanted to do a more in depth exploration of the idea. Any predictions/what you anticipate to see in the upcoming chapters?
Thanks for reading! I'm really excited to hear your thoughts. Until next time :)
-MM