Author Note: To the best of my knowledge I have not magically turned into J.K. Rowling as of yet, so I still don't own Harry Potter.

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Without further ado...

Chapter 14

Draco POV

It was in that exact moment that the door of my dormitory was slammed shut, a brokenhearted Ginny running away, that I realized I loved her. In that same moment, I was also certain I had lost her. The anguish these emotions caused me was enough to have me sinking to the floor as the horror of what I had just done to her washed over me.

She had trusted me so completely, loved me without reservation despite what that would mean for her, and given herself to me fully. She'd given me everything she was, all of her. And in that she had touched a part of me that I hadn't known had existed before. I never thought myself able to love, not truly, not until my heart had opened to her. And then I crushed her, taken the heart she had bared to me and broke it.

I had known for weeks that my feelings for her had grown beyond the bet Blaise and I made, beyond anything I'd previously felt. I didn't want to spend time with her to progress my bet, didn't want to be with her because of an end game. I just wanted to be with her, spend time with her, make her smile and hear her laughter. I had realized all of this and still I had not told her about this bet with Blaise, not given up on the idea of it and just tried to let what was happening grow and change and become something I never thought possible.

Instead I kept quiet, afraid her reaction to learning about the bet would push her away. I didn't know if she would understand and believe me that my feelings were true. I would probably have been able to persuade her of it but still I didn't. I had been confidence that I could just hide the whole thing from her, never mention it and just let it go. She didn't have to know. I didn't need to hurt her unnecessarily.

Therein had been my mistake. All it had taken was Blaise walking in, one careless outburst from the only other person in the loop about the bet, to ruin everything. I wanted to run after Ginny, to explain, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had hurt her too much, pushed her too far away. She would pull walls around her heart to keep me out. I had lost her.

The anguish of this realization brought tears unbidden, stinging in my eyes. Dragging in a shaking breath, I pushed the tears away. Maybe once she had cooled down I could talk to her, at least make her understand I hadn't intended to hurt her. I'd do anything to ease her pain, even if my punishment for what I had done was to lose her forever.

One of my first reactions had been anger towards Blaise. I had wanted to kill my best friend for a few long moments. I had never wanted to hurt anyone so bad as I wanted to hurt him. But that feeling had passed almost as quickly as it came. He might have been a catalyst but this was my fault, only mine. I hated myself more than I'd ever hated anyone in this moment.

I didn't know how long of a time passed while I sat unmoving on my bedroom floor. It was the darkest part of night when I finally stood, still naked, and went over to my bed. The sheets were still rumpled, a tangible sign of what had transpired before my world fell apart. I sank into the sheets and closed my eyes, breathing deeply the lingering smell of Ginny. In was in the world of self-loathing and heartache that I fell asleep.

Ginny POV

It all made sense now, every moment of the last few months. It had started during the welcome feast, Draco's sudden interest, and now I realize that must have been when I was chosen as his conquest. The very idea of it made me feel sick and full of grief. How had I been so blind? Of course it had all been fake. How could Draco Malfoy have possibly changed? How could he have possible been falling in love with me?

I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life than when I had stepped into that shower with Draco, when I had given myself to him. I loved him and that was that. He was everything to me and all I wanted was him. Be damned the consequences, I had thrown caution to the wind and leapt with my heart. I had given him my heart and played right into his hand. None of it was real.

I couldn't control the sobs that wracked my body and shook my soul. Grief as I had never known filled me. How had I been so stupid? Ron had been right. Harry and Hermione had been right. I had only been able to see in Draco what he had wanted me to see. Nothing more, nothing less. I had been blind but they had seen. And I had dismissed them with an arrogance unlike myself.

Knowing it was all fake couldn't take away the feelings I had. I had fallen so in love with the boy that I didn't know if I could possible ever stop, despite what he had done. I might hate him as much as I loved him, but love him I did. Knowing that those feelings had never been returned on his end broke my heart, knowing that what I had thought was between us wasn't real. I wondered if anything he had said was true, if he really did detest his family's lifestyle as much as he'd said, if he had really felt regret for his behavior over the years, if he had ever had any real feelings for me.

I had to push those thoughts away, trying to keep myself from rationalizing his actions and giving myself false hope. I wouldn't do that to myself, I couldn't. I wouldn't give him the opportunity to hurt me again. I couldn't risk my heart. He'd already shattered it beyond repair.

It was a long time before I calmed down enough to stand and find my way back to the dormitory. I was in an abandoned hall on the sixth floor, well away from the student populous. I used a few freshening spells to wipe away the traces of my crying jag and another spell to tame my tangled hair. I couldn't let it be obvious what had happened, I had to keep anyone from finding out. I didn't think I could handle and I told you so. And though I didn't want to admit it to myself, I didn't want my brother to try and kill Draco for what he'd done. Despite the pain he'd caused I didn't want him hurt too. I hated that I loved him but I couldn't help it.

It was late, well past curfew, when I struggled into the common room. The Fat Lady tried to press me about where I had been at such a late hour but I ignored her and shut the portrait hole quietly. I had expected the common room to be empty but Harry was sitting up by the fire, worry in his eyes when they flashed to mine.

"Ginny!" he called softly, seeming to relax. He stood and walked over to me without hesitation, wrapping me in a hug. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick. It's well past curfew. I was about to break down and get the marauder's map out and look for you."

"I was working late on my potion," I said automatically. The extra vile of it to turn into Professor Slughorn was still in Draco's room, I realized. I pushed that thought away, unable to think of him right now if I wanted to keep from crying again. "We got it done, but it's been a long weekend." I was sure I looked exhausted and maybe he wouldn't question it beyond that.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worry lacing his voice as he took me in.

I forced a smile. "I'm fine Harry," I assured him, trying to sound convincing. "It just really was a long weekend. I just need some sleep."

"Alright," he said reluctantly, letting it go. "I'll see you in the morning for potions."

Oh God! Potions! I would have to go to potions tomorrow morning! The panic rising up threatened to choke me but I pushed it down, not wanting to lose it in front of Harry. "Yeah, see you in the morning," I forced out in a small voice, hurrying away and up the stairs. I could feel Harry's eyes on me as I went but I didn't look back.

My bed was a welcome site and I was thankful that the other girls were already asleep. I climbed under the covers, drawing the curtains around me and putting a silencing charm around the bed. I cried quietly despite knowing nobody would hear, trying to push down my grief but failing. It was already really late and dawn was just starting to creep over the horizon when I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

"Ginny, wake up," I heard a voice say as the drapes around my bed were thrown back. Sunlight streamed in through the windows and I groaned, rolling over and burying my face in the pillows. "Come on! We're going to be late for potions if you don't hurry." It was Hermione's voice, I realized as her words jolted me fully awake.

I didn't think I'd truly slept more than an hour the night before and fatigue gripped me along with a sudden feeling of loss and fear. I wasn't ready to face Draco, not now and maybe not ever. At least not so soon. Less than twelve hours ago he and I were tangled passionately amongst his sheets. Less than ten hours ago he'd ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I couldn't face him.

"I'm not feeling well," I muttered, pulling my blankets tighter around me. "Go without me."

Her tone of voice changed to that of concern. "What's wrong? Do you need to see Madam Promfrey? She asked, leaning down to feel my forehead.

I brushed her hand away. "No, I'll be alright. The weekend was exhausting and I'm sure a day in bed is all I need." I knew it was a lame excuse but it was all I had. I didn't need her dragging me to the hospital wing.

She looked like she was going to argue but gave in suddenly with a huff. "Fine, I'll let Professor Slughorn know. But if you have your potion to turn it give it to me so you don't get a late grade," she insisted, shifting as she glanced at her watch.

"Draco has it," I said quietly, the mere mention of his name piercing my heart anew.

"Alright," she said, patting my shoulder. "Get feeling better."

With that, she was gone. I was relieved as I sat up and drew the curtains back around me, blocking the sunlight. I need a few more hours of sleep before I could face the world again. Maybe with any luck I just won't wake up, I thought with a grim humor. I sighed as I closed my eyes, weary and full of hurt.

The rest of the term flew by in a blur of emotions that I kept mostly hidden. When I'd finally been able to crawl out of bed without crying I'd gone to Slughorn to talk about switching groups. I didn't go into details of course but my barely controlled near-hysteria was enough to have him agree to let me join my brother's group for the remainder of the year.

The first time I saw Draco after that disastrous weekend was the following Wednesday in potions. His eyes hardly left me all period and I had to seriously focus to keep from either hexing him out of anger or begging him to tell me what we'd had was more than a stupid bet. By the end of the period I was anxious to leave. I made sure to stick close to my brother and friends so he had no way to talk to me even if he'd wanted to. Not that I was deluded into thinking he wanted to. He'd gotten what he wanted and now he could be done with me. Any small feelings he may have developed would be gone as quickly as they had come.

I was sure, as the weeks turned to months, if I hated him or loved him. I still found myself longing for him but forced myself to avoid him entirely. He tried to talk to me once, about a month after everything happened. I had been in the library, alone for once, studying for a transfiguration exam coming up.

"Ginny," I heard, his voice unmistakable.

My head snapped up and my heart fluttered. My eyes found his soft gray ones as I swallowed hard and tried to find my voice. "What do you want, Malfoy?" I finally managed to force out, not nearly as harsh as I had intended them. I sounded more like I was being strangled.

The use of his sir name made him frown deeply, his brow furrowing. He looked haggard, worn. Had he lost weight? My heart ached as I looked at him, drinking him in, allowing myself this one, brief moment. Then I steeled my heart and brought back to the surface the anger I felt towards him and what he'd done. It was my only defense against my heart.

He swallowed and shook his head, a hand going impulsively to run through his hair. "I know I'm the last person in the world you want to talk to," he finally began, not bothering to sit down as he spoke. Obviously he wasn't planning on this taking him long.

"Quite right," I agreed, steel in my voice now. He'd used me. He'd hurt me. He'd taken something from me I'd never get back. I wanted to hate him.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened," he said, his own face going blank as he shuttered his emotions at my anger. "I realize that what I did was wrong, not telling you sooner. I had a feeling that your reaction would be exactly what ended up happening. I didn't want to hurt you."

His words made me grow angrier and I stood swiftly from the chair I was in. "Oh, so I suppose the plan was to shag me then break it off more gently, huh?" I railed, my voice hardly above a whisper but full of fire. I wanted to yell at him, to rage, but we were in the library and years of conditioning kept me quieter. "Is that what you'd done before? To the other girls? How many of them were there? What notch was I on your bed post?" This had been building for a while.

He tried to say something but I cut him off. "No, I don't want to know. I don't want any more lies or excuses or apologies. They all mean nothing, just like what we had meant nothing." My voice was louder now, but I wasn't able to stop now that I was going. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. "I fell in love with you, you git!" I was crying now, the sorrow and anger all coming out.

He stepped forward, one hand reaching for me, but a glare held him in place. "I hate you," I said, my voice dropping back down to a deadly whisper as tears streaked down my face. I wanted to fall into his arms, to have him tell me this was all one big misunderstanding. I had to go, now, before I let him trick me again. I wouldn't fall for any more of his lies. Shaking my head, I backed away and grabbed my bag, leaving the library books on the table. "I can't do this," I cried softly, stuffing things haphazardly into my bag.

"Ginny, please, just listen to me for a second," Draco said, finally surging forward and reaching out to me. His hand touched my arm and I shook him off.

"No," I said, firmly despite my tears. I put a wall around my heart and pushed him away. "No, Malfoy. Just leave me alone."

That was the last time Draco Malfoy tried to talk to me.

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