Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series. I do however own a copy of each and every book. Does that count?

Two updates so close together? What?! I know, right!

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, and yes, I'm really back! Here's another update just to prove it! Enjoy!

Without further ado...

Chapter 15

Ginny POV

Christmas break was a welcome relief from Hogwarts and the constant close contact to Draco. Despite the months that had passed, my heart still ached when I looked at him. I couldn't help but long for what we'd had, or at least what I thought we'd had. But I had to steel myself against that and I'd learned to keep an angry shell around my heart when it came to him.

He never did try to approach me after that night in the library. I guess he'd said his two cents, apologized for his good consciousness, and gone about his merry way. I tried my best to ignore his existence but I still had to be in the same classroom with him three days a week. I enjoyed my time back home, I almost felt like my old self again within those familiar walls.

I tried so hard to pretend like nothing happened, that I hadn't fallen in love with Draco and had my heart broken after giving myself to him. Looking back, I should have known from the beginning that he would never want something serious, that none of what was happening could really be true. He'd told me once about his betrothal contract with Pansy Parkinson. That alone should have given me a clue. He never wanted a serious relationship. He never planned on marrying or having kids. Everything I wanted were things he had no intention of. Yet I'd done what I did anyway, not realizing my folly.

I didn't know if I'd ever forgive myself but back home at the Burrow, amongst my family, I began to move forward. Draco didn't have to consume my thoughts. I didn't have to love him or hate him, I just had to move on. I tried my best, pushing my conflicted feelings deep down inside and trying to forget. Harry had come home with us for the Holiday and his interest in me was starting to become more obvious. It made me smile and shake my head in disbelief.

After all those years of pining after him, Hermione had been right. I had moved on and given up on Harry ever suddenly sweeping me off my feet. The irony of it all was almost laughable. But, despite the fact that it was literally a dream come true, I found that my feelings for him were gone. Try as I might, I was no longer infatuated with Harry Potter.

It was late one evening, just a few days before we were supposed to return to Hogwarts, that Harry found me outside in the snow perched on the old swing in the back yard. I'd been outside enjoying the last of the dying light, the cold warded off by warming spells.

"Hey Ginny," he greeted, pulling his cloak tighter around him as he stopped by the swing.

"Hey Harry," I responded, my feet dangling lightly in the snow as I smiled over at him. The dusk was peaceful and I breathed in a deep breath of the cold air. I wasn't looking forward to going back to school and I knew I'd miss the peace and serenity this spot from my childhood allowed.

He leaned against the tree the swing was tethered to and let out a soft sigh. "It's a beautiful night," he said, looking around at the landscape in the fading light.

I stopped my gentle swaying and looked up at him, realizing what was happening. "It is," I said softly, not sure what else to say.

He was quiet for a long moment before he met my eyes. "Look, I-" he began but cut himself off, shaking his head. A deep breath later he began again. "Ginny, this year has been hard on you, hasn't it?" he asked.

I froze, knowing exactly why this year had been hard. "Yeah," I muttered, not sure what else to say.

"Look, I'm not sure what happened with Malfoy and Zabini that weekend you brewed your potion a few months ago but you've been different since," he said in a rush, as if he feared if he didn't say it fast enough he wouldn't say it at all. Once started, he didn't stop. "You seemed hurt. I don't know what they did to you but I trust you enough to know that if it was truly bad you would tell someone, even if it wasn't me or even Ron or Hermione. You know how I feel about Malfoy and what I suspect, and I have a feeling that had something to do with it but the whole thing made me realize something. I didn't like you spending time with him not because of what I think he is, but because I…" He trailed off, finally losing his momentum.

"I like you Ginny," he said in a rush. "I've been waiting to tell you for a couple of months now but I didn't know how. You seemed so distant from everyone but since we got back to the Burrow you're more yourself again. I don't want to see that gone when we go back to school. I want to-" He stopped mid-sentence again, letting out a frustrated sigh at his lack of ability to express himself without rambling.

I saved him from himself then, finally finding my voice. My heart was warring in my chest. This wasn't supposed to happen, not now after my heart was so irreparably changed. I wanted to want to fall into Harry's arms. I wished I felt the same way I used to feel. No matter how I longed to feel that way, I simply didn't. "Harry," I murmured, keeping him from trying to continue. "I've changed a lot this year, I know you see that. I've always liked you, that much has always been obvious. But I realized something over the past few months. I'm not ready to give my heart away." Not again, I added silently to myself.

Shaking my head, I stood from the swing. "I'm sorry, Harry, I wished I felt the same still, but I don't. You'll always be family to me, but I think that's all it's going to be able to be." I felt horrible for saying it when the look on his face crumpled into defeat. I wanted to take it back, to stop the pain I'd caused him, but I bit my tongue.

"It's alright," he said, putting on a smile. "I should have done that years ago. It's my fault for waiting so long." He shrugged and pulled his cloak tighter once more. "If anything changes, if you want to give it a chance, you know where to find me." With that he turned and disappeared back inside the Burrow.

I silently cursed Draco Malfoy as I watched Harry go, his shoulders slightly hunched against the cold and, surely, the emotions inside of him. If it wasn't for Draco, that moment right then would have been the best of my life. Instead it only caused harry and I both pain. Draco had changed me, for the worse or better I hadn't yet decided. Maybe it was neither, it was just what it was. I didn't know. Maybe I would never be able to feel again for someone what I'd felt for Draco. Real or not real, it had been real in my heart.

I waited a while before following Harry in. The first of the starts were beginning to twinkle into the night sky. I was cold despite the warming charms and the blast of heat from inside was a welcome relief. Once I lay in bed that night, I knew sleep would not come easy. When it finally did, it was filled with fitful dreams dancing on the edge of my mind.

I was in a dark forest, snow falling thickly around me. I was looking for something, but I didn't know what. I wandered, cold and alone, for what felt like hours as the night stretched on around me.

"Ginny!" I heard my name called in the distance.

I couldn't tell where the voice had come from but a sudden urgency filled me. I had to find who said my name. I had to find them!

I ran through the trees, calling out for whoever it was. Instead of going towards the person, I found myself further away when my name was called again. I turned and ran, going a different direction this time. I got close to the source of the noise, obvious by the closeness of the voice calling my name. Whoever it was, was near. I had to find them. Even if nothing else in the world mattered, I had to get to whoever it was.

Just then, a figure stepped from the trees, tall and dark. "Ginny," it said, the voice softer.

I couldn't see his face, but I fell towards him, unable to stay on my feet but determined to get to him. Right as I reached him, falling into him, he vanished. I fell to the ground, the mysterious figure gone. I was alone, so alone. I'd never felt such despair in my whole life.

Draco POV

Working with a grim determination, I slaved away over the vanishing cabinet in the room where everything was hidden. It was all that mattered, my only task. I worked tirelessly on it, pushing all other thoughts out of my mind. I'd been given the choice that year to stay away from home for Christmas because of the need to work on my task. I took it gladly. Every other try had failed, this vanishing cabinet was my only hope.

The cursed necklace had been a disaster, not well thought out, I realized after the fact. I'd been so focused on Ginny and everything that had happened that I hadn't been trying too hard. It was only after I tried to apologize, desperate to do anything to get her back. I'd tried to forget about her, knowing she hated me. This was my punishment for what I had done.

Over a month went by and I realized I couldn't just let go of her. I had to try, even if it didn't work. She was the only good thing to ever happen in my life and I'd ruined it. I had to try and fix it. I had to get her to see I was truly sincere about my feelings. I had to make her see it had been real, that I had fallen in love with her.

It was too late, I realized. She hated me. I'd finally given in then, falling into a deep despair. It was in that dark place that I decided to focus on my task to kill Dumbledore. The Dark Lord had entrusted me with this mission and I could not fail him. Not if I wanted to keep my mother safe and both of us alive.

The first try had been the necklace that had nearly killed Katie Bell instead. She was in the hospital wing for a long time, unconscious and near death. I hated myself more and more each day she wasn't better, yet dreading the day she woke. Would she remember it had been me to give her the necklace? To tell her what to do with it?

I began to get desperate after my second attempt had failed. I'd had no progress on the vanishing cabinet even after an entire month and a half long break of working on it. So I tried another idea. It seemed more thought out than the first, a bottle of Dumbledore's favorite drink laced with a poison that would kill him in moments. I'd planted it with Slughorn, sure I'd be successful. It was Ron Weasley who had almost died this time. I had almost cost Ginny a brother. If she didn't have enough reason to hate me before, if she ever realized it was my hand that nearly killed her brother, she would most certainly hate me then.

I began to stop eating, spending too much time working on my only other avenue of success. I'd been trying it from the beginning, sure that bringing Death Eaters into the school would be the key to my success. It hadn't even been my idea in the first place, but when my own ideas failed I realized this was the only option.

It was several months into the second term, the trees outside blossoming with new life after a long winter, that I finally managed to bring a bird back through alive in the ever tricky vanishing cabinet. My gut twisted at my success. It was the last thing I truly wanted to happen. I was afraid to fail, but I was almost as afraid to succeed. And most of all, I didn't want to bring these monsters anywhere near Ginny. Hate me or not, I wanted to keep her safe.

I kept my success to myself, unable to bring myself to let anyone know I'd found a way to carry out the plan. I didn't want any of this. I'd known from the beginning I didn't want to do this but it was the only way to keep my family safe, to keep myself from being killed. I didn't want to murder Dumbledore but what choice was I left with? I kept my secret for several weeks before I finally had to tell. I hated myself as I watched the owl fly away, my message securely clamped in its beak. It would begin soon. Soon Dumbledore would be dead and the war would truly begin.

Well, moving right along! Let me know what you think! I'm off to keep writing so keep those reviews coming in! Talk about motivation!

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