A/N: I'm back! So this chapter turned into a monster for whatever reason (guess I got ahead of myself). Anyways, because of this I'm splitting it in two, with this one being Hotch's POV. Hope you like it!

Set: Season 3 episodes 2 and 3

All credit for the dialogue goes to the CM writers.

Erin Strauss' stare bore into him as he handed over his badge.

"Oh and Agent Hotchner? If it were solely up to me, you would never get these credentials back." Her condescending tone made him clench his fists.

"Always a pleasure." Hotch shot back as he left her office. He knew it was a smart ass remark that would get one last rise out of her and that's exactly what he wanted.

Strauss had taken his badge and suspended him for two weeks pending an investigation, because of the outcome of the case in Arizona. A college student and an unsub had died in a meeting that he had arranged. Even if suggested by Gideon, the decision to let the meeting happen was his and his alone, a fact that he had made very clear to the Section Chief. However, this admission did not stop Struass from lecturing him about his actions. He looked her dead in the eyes as she spoke. If she thought she was being intimidating, it was not working.

Of course, the outcome of the case was not what he had hoped for, but he couldn't control everything. He had done his best with the hand he had been dealt and now at least, another killer was off the streets.

Then again, Erin Strauss had always had it out for him. From the moment he became Unit Chief of the BAU, she had set out to destroy him and his team. Strauss was never one to keep her motives to herself either. Time and time again, she had told him he was not competent enough to lead his team and that his agents were not capable of doing their jobs effectively. Yet time and time again, he had shut her up with another closed case. No one could refuse the numbers, especially since they made her look good. Regardless of how she felt about them, his team got results and that's all her bosses cared about.

As his suspension dragged on, Haley tried to convince him that this was the best thing that could ever happen to them and in many ways, it was. He read Jack bedtime stories, woke him up in the morning for breakfast and for the first time in years, they had a proper family dinner. Haley was happy he was home and he would be lying if he said he didn't feel the same. For a moment, it felt like they were a normal family.

As his last day on suspension came to a close, Haley told him it was time for a transfer. She wanted her chance at a normal life and part of him wanted that too, but there was an even bigger part of him that could not fight his need to go back to the BAU. A nine to five was not what he wanted. Being chained to a desk for the rest of his career was not what he wanted, but he found himself agreeing to her terms anyway.

That morning, he made his way to the BAU, running into Morgan who was off to Milwaukee for their next case. Morgan tried to get him to reconsider his transfer, but he had no choice, if he didn't do it, Struass certainly would. As they parted ways, Hotch desperately wished he could leave with Morgan too.

When he opened the door to his office, he found Section Chief Struass already comfortable on his couch.

"I'd hoped you would make the right choice. Have you given any thought to what department you will request?" Right to the point. Typical.

"I was under the impression that I would have my choice of postings."

"I will consider it, after I finish my investigation." It angered him that he would not be able to choose where he went next, but he should've expected it. Struass wanted to control every other aspect of the BAU, why would his next posting be any different?

"You were a prosecutor, why don't you head up a white collar crime task force? That will get you home nights, at a reasonable hour." He brought his hands to his hips, already exasperated by their conversation. Just as he was about to counter her suggestion. Emily Prentiss walked through the door.

"Sorry to interrupt." She said as she immediately turned her head to the Section Chief, giving her a look of defiance that rivaled even his stoic stare.

"Sir, I've decided to resign from the FBI, effective immediately."

His mind was spinning. No. This can't be happening right now. On top of his transfer, Emily was leaving?

"I don't understand." He couldn't mask the confusion in his voice.

"I am taking the Foreign Service exam and with my connections, I have a pretty good chance at landing in the State Department."

"Prentiss, I think that is a mistake." He wanted to argue with her about this, but she barreled on.

"Well, don't try and talk me out of it, Garcia saw my name on the list and already tried and if she can't talk someone out of something, no one can."

Emily glared at Strauss. He watched as the Section Chief ignored her and clenched her jaw. He was clearly missing something that was happening between the two women and he made a mental note to figure it out later.

"It's good to have you back sir." Prentiss flashed him a smile and he couldn't find the strength to say he was leaving too. She turned towards the Chief with one last blazing look then turned to face him once more.

"The team needs you." With that, Emily walked away and it hit him that her decision had nothing to do with him, or the BAU, but everything to do with Erin Strauss.

The Section Chief sat in silence for a moment, clearly angered by Emily's actions, but she shook it off and proceeded to tell him that she would be overseeing his cases until his replacement was found.

As if he needed more reasons to be pissed off today, he was already down an agent and Strauss had zero field experience. When she said it was time that his team was out from underneath Gideon and himself, it took everything he had not to lash out at her. His team needed stability to function. All these changes were far from that, but he knew he couldn't refuse.

He was beyond frustrated when he got back home that day. If Haley noticed, she said nothing. He focused on spending some more time with Jack, but work wouldn't stop going through his head. It had been two weeks since the last time he was on a case and he was itching for some action. When Morgan called him the next day to ask for help on their case, he quickly gave in.

As Haley went upstairs to put Jack down for a nap, he spread the case file Garcia had given him across the coffee table. He had tried to refuse the file when she had given it to him before he left, but she knew he couldn't resist.

He was buried in crime scene photos when Haley came into the living room.

"Is Jack still napping?" He asked, still looking at the photos.

"I thought this was over." He froze a moment before turning to her.

"It is, I'm just curious." He resisted the urge he had to roll his eyes. He knew it would only make things worse.

Before Haley could respond, the phone started ringing on the table between them. Thankful for the distraction, he answered. He said hello a few times, but was met with silence. He hung up and moments later, Haley's cell phone started ringing in her purse. He locked eyes with her, the blaring ringtone sounding like an alarm telling them their time was up.

She merely spoke over the ringing, asking him what the Section Chief had said. He wasn't stupid and his profiling skills had told him long before. He knew what that phone call meant. If she ignored it, so would he. Hotch told her about the transfer Struass had suggested. All she asked was if he would have to travel for work.

"No, I'd have a nine to five life." He replied bitterness dripping from his words.

"Good. Then it's a no brainer." She shot back as she grabbed her purse and left, slamming the door behind her.

Hotch had tried to be present. He had tried to be a good father and husband. He truly tried to be normal, but he had to face the fact that he just wasn't, and maybe never could be enough for Haley and Jack. He had deluded himself over the past two weeks, into thinking otherwise.

Picking up the phone, he called Morgan to check on the team's progress, as if his marriage hadn't just imploded.

He wondered what that said about him.

He wondered what that said about them.

When Haley came home later that evening, they acted like nothing happened. The tension in the house was palpable and they both felt like there was nothing more to be said for the time being. Soon, Morgan was calling again, begging him to help catch this unsub since Gideon seemed to be missing in action. He told him he would think about it, but the moment he hung up the phone, his mind had been made up. He was going to Milwaukee.

Hotch was packing his bag when Haley came into the bedroom.

"What the hell are you doing?" Haley was furious. He told her to keep her voice down. He didn't need Jack to hear another one of their arguments. He tried to explain that the team needed him for this one last case to no avail. She gave him an ultimatum, either he stayed or she would go.

Haley would never understand.

He did this job for her. He did this job for Jack. He did this job because no one else would. At least that's what he had told himself all these years, trying to convince himself that his intentions were pure. However, the last two weeks had made him realize, he was merely denying the truth.

The truth was, he did it for himself.

He hunted serial killers for his own satisfaction. He was addicted to the challenge of breaking the mind of a murderer down to pieces. He was addicted to the thrill of that chase and the danger that came with it. He had saved many lives with the help of his team and he did not think he could ever stop. It was just too important to him. No matter how selfish that sounded, profiling was who he was. He could not forget the BAU from one day to the next the way she wanted him to. He could not sit back as these women were being murdered and do nothing to help. His loyalty was to his team.

Haley accused him of always needing to be the hero and well….maybe he did. He didn't care how that made him look anymore. She had made her choice and now he was making his.

His heart pounded in his ears as he made his way out of the house and to the car, slamming the door shut.

He was being hit on all sides. No matter what he did, no matter what he chose, it was wrong. He squeezed the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, trying to cage his anger once more.He took a few deep breaths and drove off, needing the movement of the car to match his racing thoughts.

Struass' takeover.

Haley and the state of their marriage.

Emily Prentiss.

God, with everything that happened over the past few days he didn't even have time to process why she left so suddenly.

He was headed to the airstrip on auto pilot, so he took time to think about her arrival to the BAU.

Prentiss seemed to have appeared out of thin air to take her place on his team. She had been annoyingly persistent and her transfer to the BAU had raised some red flags, but he had found himself defending her even then.

When Gideon had wanted to wait for an interpreter to fly to Guantanamo Bay with them, he had wasted no time in suggesting he take Emily instead. With every reason Gideon gave for her to stay, Hotch had given him another reason for her to go. When he told Gideon that he thought there was nothing that Prentiss couldn't handle, Hotch realized that he truly believed it.

Then his mind flickered to the way he had confronted her about the possibility of a hidden agenda. She had been angered by his implications, but with her political connections, he needed to make sure she had no ulterior motives.

Emily had made it undeniably clear that her only focus was the job. He was not sure if it had been the way she had challenged him in a way no other team member would or the fact that he had once worked for her mother, but in that moment, he had decided to trust Emily Prentiss completely.

He shook his head at his realization. That was why he was so surprised by her decision to quit. There had to be another reason why and he knew it had to do with Strauss. The way they stared daggers at each other like he wasn't even in the room told him as much.

He pulled up to a red light and that's when he put the dots together. Emily's mysterious transfer. Her political connections. The way that his team had been under the microscope for the past year. He figured out what Struass asked Prentiss to do.

She wanted Emily to be her spy.

This discovery made him turn the car around. He needed to make this right. Even if everything else in his life had fallen apart, his team would stay together.

Hotch needed Prentiss on that plane.

He needed Emily in whatever place she had managed to carve out for herself in the BAU. He didn't know at what point he had deemed her so irreplaceable, but he couldn't let the team lose her. He couldn't let Erin Strauss take her from him either.

Determination came off him in waves as he pulled up to Emily's apartment and knocked on her door.


A/N: The next chapter will go along with this one and as always, thanks for reading!