Wow! Your reviews have been my favorite part of writing this story. Your feedback has been greatly appreciated and helps more than you know. It lit a fire to keep writing, so I'm low-key proud to have an update ready so soon!
This chapter has a slightly different twist than the others - you might need some tissues. Let me know what you think!
She trembled at the cool night air hugging her skin. The blanket wasn't nearly as warm with both of them under it. There was too much air flow. The cold air seemed to sink into her bones, making her body ache at its abuse. She wished Lewis had lit the fire pit before he fell asleep. The old house was drafty. Without any form of heat, it felt like a refrigerator. Even with the blanket wrapped around them, the cool temperature made sleeping fitful at best.
Olivia glanced at the sleeping man lying on her chest, jealous of his peaceful slumber. The cold hadn't affected his rest at all. His head barely laid down before he was out. Everything seemed so easy for him. Olivia frowned. It wasn't fair.
The darkness she had come to crave had changed. She was terrified to close her eyes after her last dream. Olivia didn't want to think about the baby. Not when she was awake and certainly not when she was sleeping. Time was passing much too fast. The tiny bundle of cells was turning into a person and that was the last thing she wanted. This thing couldn't be a person. It couldn't be a baby. Because she would have to love that baby. Olivia shook her head at the thought. She could never love a part of William Lewis.
She shifted on the bed, wincing as the pressure increased in her belly. Her bladder had woken her up, insisting that it be emptied. Olivia was hoping the urge would fade, but it was a foolish thought. Her bladder had become the size of a pea, and she was about to explode. Unfortunately, being tied down limited her options. It made getting up a two person job. It required Lewis.
Olivia loathed asking him for help. It was humiliating. Mostly because it was necessary. Even now, her body screamed for relief but also screamed to leave him alone. Bad things happened when he was awake. Pain happened when he was awake. But she was going to wet the bed if she didn't wake him up. Were it not for the cold, she might have chanced it. The lesser of two evils. But Olivia could barely sleep as it was. If she lost anymore warmth, it would be a very long night.
"Lewis?" Olivia whispered softly. She held her breath and kept her eyes on him, caught between relief and annoyance when he didn't budge.
Darkness outlined his relaxed form, his steady breaths warming a patch of her skin. But that wasn't enough. She needed him to wake up. "Lewis," she tried again. "I have to use the bathroom."
He groaned at her voice and buried his head in her chest. Olivia sighed in frustration. Even in sleep, he had to be difficult. That was okay. She knew how to be difficult too. Olivia arched her back and jerked her body to the right, dislodging his head.
Lewis tightened his hold on her stomach, lifting his head in groggy irritation.
"I have to use the bathroom," Olivia repeated urgently. The pain in her stomach was growing quickly, and it made Lewis' position acutely more uncomfortable.
He rolled his eyes and settled back down on her, having no interest in moving. "It's the middle of the night."
"I noticed," she retorted with impatience. Olivia wasn't in the mood for his games. "Come on, Lewis. I really have to go," she insisted.
"You just went," he mumbled, giving no indication he cared.
"I have to go again." She narrowed her eyes at his attitude, irritated at having to beg for bathroom privileges. Olivia felt like a dog whining to go outside. She hated it. "Lewis, please! I have to use the bathroom."
"All right, all right. We'll go." He pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes. "Anything to get you quiet."
Olivia stiffened as he crawled up the mattress. He was too close. She could feel the heat of his skin brushing up against her. Feel his legs straddle her stomach. His fingertips grazing her hands. She could feel her blood pressure rising and tried to remember how to breathe. He was only removing her restraints, she reminded herself. He would be done in a minute. Lewis would get off as soon as he untied the knots.
"There," Lewis mumbled as the rope fell to the ground.
Her relief was short lived as his harsh grip closed around her arm, pulling Olivia into a standing position. She bit back a cry of pain and struggled to remain upright, determined not to annoy him further.
Olivia concentrated on moving one foot in front of the other, trying to keep up with a grumpy Lewis. She tried to reduce the pain by balancing on the side of her feet, but the teetering made her head spin. She was beginning to wish he had broken her ankle after all. At least that would leave one good foot.
When they finally made it to the bathroom, Olivia collapsed on the toilet. Walking had become a chore. Especially with a full bladder.
As she relieved herself, Olivia glanced back at the hallway. The moonlight cast a pale glow off the walls, lighting up the hardwood floor. Smeared liquid lined the walkway, and she realized the cuts on her feet had opened again.
Olivia rubbed her temple with a discouraged scowl. She was so tired of Lewis and his punishments. Well to be fair, she was tired of everything. She ran her fingers through her hair, relishing the chance to massage her head. Olivia froze. Something felt off. She pulled her hands down and stared at them. The light illuminated her thin fingers and the damaged skin around her wrists. But that was it. There was nothing else. No cuffs. No rope.
Olivia changed a quick glance at Lewis. He was leaning against the door with his eyes closed, oblivious to her discovery. Her eyes fell back to her hands, studying them as if she couldn't believe they were real. Was she hallucinating? How could Lewis forget to cuff her? He never made mistakes like this.
The surprise growing inside her turned to something new. If she was unrestrained, and he was out of it – she had a fighting chance. Olivia bit her lip and shifted forward, but a slicing pain traveled up her feet, paralyzing her movement. Who was she kidding? She could barely walk. It wouldn't be enough to catch him off guard. She couldn't win that way. If that strategy hadn't worked with less injuries and more stamina, it certainly wouldn't work now. And failing wasn't an option. Not with Lewis threatening to kidnap young girls. Her hope began to fade as sadness trickled into her heart. She couldn't risk it. Not when someone else would pay the consequences.
Tears filled her eyes at the futility of her situation, bringing another level of frustration. Olivia didn't understand how she still had tears to cry. Surely she would run out of them at some point. She had heard the hormones wreaked havoc with your emotions, but she refused to be that woman. She wasn't going to sit and cry her life away – however twisted that life was.
Even still, the tears trickled down her cheeks, signaling yet another thing out of her control. Her fingers swiped at the wetness, eager to erase their presence before Lewis saw them.
"Decided against it, huh?"
Olivia jumped, her eyes darting to her captor.
"Took you long enough." He opened his eyes and regarded her with a curious interest. "Finally figure out it's not worth it?"
She gulped, hoping to erase her guilty expression. "I didn't do anything."
Lewis raised an eyebrow. "No?"
Olivia shook her head as he walked towards her. "I didn't even stand up," her voice wavered. She couldn't be in trouble. She had barely moved. Lewis couldn't get angry at that. Could he?
Lewis leaned down, grabbing her chin. "You were thinking about it. Weren't you?"
"I didn't do anything," she repeated softly, averting her gaze. The moon cast enough light to make his eyes shine, and it was a terrifying sight.
Lewis grit his teeth at her stubbornness, digging his fingers in her skin until she reluctantly met his gaze. "You were about to run," he insisted.
Olivia wished she could pause time, come up with a valid argument. But that was what she always tried to do, and it never worked. Maybe it was time for a different approach. "You're right."
Lewis loosened his hold, his eyes holding a hint of confusion. His anger dissipated and left him unsure of himself. A feeling he didn't have often.
"I did think about running," she conceded with a twinge of fear. "But you're right. It would be stupid."
Lewis studied her, the uncertainty fading from his face. "You keep on surprising me, detective."
Olivia didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. As long as it didn't end with her screaming, she didn't care. "Isn't that what you want?"
Lewis licked his lips and released his hold, finished with the conversation. "Are you done?"
She offered a quick nod, relieved he had not blown up. Her features twisted in dread as Lewis pulled her up. She wasn't ready for round two of walking.
He drug her out of the bathroom, back through the dim hallway. Olivia stumbled after him, her weakened body struggling to function. The way back to her room seemed to take hours, each step more painful than the last. When they finally reached the door, she almost wept with relief. As much as she hated that cement room, she was ready to get off her feet.
"Get back on the bed." Lewis shoved her forward, his patience wearing thin.
Olivia's eyes widened at the unexpected push. Her balance wasn't the same anymore, and she had come to rely on Lewis' steadying hand. Her body lurched, unsure of how to move without it. She tried to reach for something. Anything to help her stay standing. But there was nothing and her body refused to cooperate. Her injuries and lack of nutrients made her limbs stiff. Unwilling to function. Olivia let out a pained cry as her legs gave out, expecting to hit the concrete face first.
Rough hands caught her tumble and lifted her onto the bed. "You must love my help as much as you fall."
Olivia bit back a retort, refusing to start an argument. Lewis knew her muscles were weak from being restrained. It wasn't her fault they wouldn't work right.
Lewis reached for her hands and wrapped the rope tightly around them, securing her to the bed with a firm knot. "Go back to sleep and don't get me up again."
She cringed at the bark in his voice and rolled to her side. Maybe she should have wet the bed.
The mattress dipped as Lewis climbed in behind her. Olivia held her breath, bracing for the pain that came with his presence. But Lewis only settled in beside her. No whispers. No touching. No hint of malice. Olivia let out a sigh of relief. He must be tired from working on the house. He wasn't going to hurt her. At least not tonight.
Olivia tried to shut off her mind. Relieve the tension in her muscles. Calm her racing heart. She needed to sleep. But the anxiety from his closeness and the coolness of the house made it difficult. "I'm cold."
"Shut up." Lewis rolled over, fed up with her nighttime demands.
"You have clothes on. I don't," she pointed out softly. "The fire isn't going, and the blanket is gone." Olivia twisted to the side, glancing at his agitated form. "Maybe it fell to floor. Just give me back the blanket, and I'll be quiet."
"Since when do you make demands?"
Her mouth gaped open. She couldn't believe his nerve. It was just a blanket. Olivia turned away from him with a scowl. "You're the one who said you'd keep your baby momma warm," she muttered.
His fingers tangled in her hair and tugged harshly on her scalp, stealing a surprised cry from her throat. "You say one more word, and I will rape you until the sun comes up," he whispered harshly.
Her face twisted in disgust as his hold tightened. So much for not making him angry.
"Now shut up so I can go back to sleep." He released his hold, pushing her away.
She cringed and curled into a ball. It was such a small thing. Olivia wasn't trying to be difficult. She was just cold. But Lewis didn't care. He only wanted her alive; it didn't matter if she was comfortable. His only goal was to keep her breathing.
The cool air started to raise goosebumps on her skin, and Olivia shivered. The house seemed so much colder than it did twenty minutes ago. She swallowed a groan as her teeth started to chatter. She couldn't sleep like this. No one could. But she dared not protest further. Lewis didn't make idle threats.
Out of everything her abduction had changed, she missed the little things the most. Taking a bath. Ordering Chinese food. Going on a walk. Sleeping under the sheets. By herself.
She wondered what her squad was doing. How Nick was holding up. She knew they would all blame themselves for what happened. For not seeing it coming. Olivia knew she did. After all, Lewis had all the signs. Gave all the warnings. He had been clear with his intentions in the squad room. They just hadn't take him seriously. It was a mistake she lived with every day. Sometimes she forgot other people lived with it to. The knowledge this could have been prevented would tear the department apart. They would stop at nothing to find her. Especially her partner. But Lewis was good at evading cops. She had seen it firsthand. His ways were effective.
Olivia curled into herself tighter, her train of thought making her grow colder. Staying alive shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't require this many compromises. But as Lewis started snoring, Olivia remembered she wasn't the one in charge. She would live by Lewis' rules, or she would die. Those were the only two options. In the beginning, she chose to live. It had seemed important then. But more and more, Olivia couldn't remember why. If living in this hell was the only life she could have, she wasn't sure she wanted it anymore.
"Here."
Olivia peeled her eyes open as something soft landed on her. Lewis appeared above her, causing her heart to skip a beat. What did he want now?
"Sweatshirt and pants." Lewis announced indifferently. He towered over her with crossed arms, looking like an angry prison guard.
Olivia glanced at the bundle of material, trying to focus. Her head felt cloudy, like fog had drifted into her brain and made everything slow down. She must have fallen asleep at some point, but it clearly hadn't been long enough.
Lewis noted her squinting eyes with a frown. "Maybe if you didn't wake me up in the middle of the night, you wouldn't be so tired."
Olivia shook her head, trying to dislodge her tongue. She wished Lewis would let her wake up before going off on a rant. Her scrambled thoughts couldn't keep up with him this early.
Lewis rolled his eyes, still annoyed about his interrupted sleep. "Sit up."
She let out a yawn and grabbed the rope tying her to the bedframe. She slowly pulled herself up, the soft material falling to the mattress beside her. Olivia's eyes followed the material. A yearning in her face that made Lewis grin.
"You look cold," he noted. "Rough night?"
Her dark eyes snapped to his face. Hatred filled her with a surge so strong, she thought it would surely boil over. Olivia wanted him dead. Unable to hurt anyone else. Unable to hurt her.
"Picked up some extra clothes when I was in town the other day. Thought you might like to wear them." Lewis offered an innocent grin, gesturing to the clothes beside her. "After all, winter is coming. And this house can be pretty chilly."
Olivia looked back to the clothes, tempted to touch the fabric. The cold night air had settled into her skin and had made sleeping almost impossible. She was freezing and desperately needed those clothes. She needed to be warm. But this was Lewis. Nothing was simple with him. Not with the games he liked so much. And based off the twinkle in his eye, she wasn't going to like this one. "What do you want?" she wavered.
Lewis took in a deep breath and smiled. "I love it when you ask me that."
She chanced a look at him, sure she wasn't going to like his answer. She hated playing his games, but doing so kept her alive. So far.
"Give me a kiss."
Her eyes rounded, rebellion rolling through her. "No," she protested with a scrunched face. There was a long list of things Lewis could take from her, but there were very few things she was willing to give him. And a kiss was certainly not one of those things.
Lewis smirked, knowing where this was going. "You can stay naked. I enjoy the view."
Her stomach rolled. She hated being uncovered, exposed to his lustful gaze. But there was no way in hell she was going to kiss him. Not by choice. She would rather be naked. Not even pants was worth getting him riled up.
"Thought you were cold?" Lewis knelt down in front of her, grazing her thigh with his fingers. "It will be October soon, and we're pretty close to Canada. Last night was just the beginning. The temperature will keep dropping. Six months is a long time without clothes."
Olivia looked back down at the material beside her, her defiance battling her pride.
"No? Guess I'll take the clothes back then," he replied nonchalantly, reaching for the material.
"I didn't run last night," she offered meekly, anxious to keep the clothes.
He raised an eyebrow. "It will take more than that to earn a sweatshirt and pants."
A growing sense of dread built as she weighed her options. She was freezing. Lewis was right. It was going to get very cold very fast. She needed those clothes. And there was only one way she would get them. The independent woman in her balked at giving in, insisted there was always another way. But that woman didn't know anything. That woman didn't understand what it took to survive. "Okay."
Lewis grinned at his prisoner's soft voice. "I'm right here. Get to it, sweetheart."
Olivia felt like someone else was in control, leaning her forward until her lips brushed against his. She recoiled as her body remembered his touch. The horrific assaults endured by his lips. His teeth. Things she tried to forget. Panic overwhelmed her, and Olivia jerked away from him. She couldn't do this.
He clicked his tongue and chuckled. "You did better than that when Allie was here."
Olivia shook her head, repulsed at the reminder. "Please," she whispered in a shaky voice. "Don't."
Lewis leaned in closer, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ears. His eyes questioned her resolve, though he said nothing.
Her eyes lowered to the bargaining chip beside her, as if trying to judge their worth. This was Lewis' favorite game. Backing her into a corner and refusing to move until he got what he wanted. This was no different. Olivia let out a defeated sigh and closed her eyes. She could do this.
Her trembling lips brushed against him, her brain fleeing from the sensation. Her mind instead took her to the man she had kissed before Lewis. A man with gentle lips and kind hands. Her mouth remembered Brian, and moved gently against his firm lips. She could almost feel his protective arms around her, his chuckle vibrating against her. But the taste – Brian didn't taste like this.
Olivia's eyes sprang open as everything came flooding back. She let out a groan of protest, trying to push Lewis away with her bound hands. She couldn't handle this. His kiss held a hunger she feared. A power that stole her breath. Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She twisted free of his grip, breaking the horrific kiss she had started.
Lewis smiled and leaned back on his heels. "I suppose that will do for now. You're not bad when you have some motivation," he said softly. He studied her for a few seconds, regarding her with a twinge of skepticism. "If I untie you to get dressed, will you be a good girl?"
Olivia nodded in agreement, not trusting herself to speak. She felt dirty. Used. Cheap. She was giving away more and more of herself to Lewis. He picked her apart like a scab. Poking and prodding until he could rip away another piece. She wasn't sure how much she had left to give.
"One thing." Lewis waited until he had her attention. "I don't have a lot of clothes. So if you fight me one time about taking them off – I will burn them off. And then you will have nothing."
The color drained from her face. Her shoulder still stung from the blowtorch. She couldn't imagine her entire body covered in those burns.
Lewis untied her hands, dropping the rope to the ground. "Get dressed, and then get back on the bed." He threw a mischievous grin at her, pleased at how his morning was going. "I'm gonna find us some breakfast."
Olivia's vision blurred as she reached for the clothes beside her. At least the kiss was over. She hoped the clothes were worth it. She blinked away her tears as she shook the sweatshirt open. Olivia pulled it over her head, relaxing as the clean smell filled her nostrils. New clothes that didn't smell like Lewis. Maybe the kiss had been worth it. She pulled the shirt down, noting how loosely it hung on her frame. The shirt almost swallowed her, but it provided a welcome shield from Lewis' wandering eyes. A way to stay sane.
Her hands reached for the pants, wondering how she was going to put them on. She wasn't about to put weight on her feet, so this was going to be a challenge. Olivia bit her lip and tried to maneuver her feet into the pants. The material caught on her crusted wound, and a grunt of pain passed through her lips.
She painstakingly moved the pants up her legs, careful to avoid further incidents. Olivia twisted on the bed to pull them all the way up, grateful when the ordeal was finally over. The amount of effort required to do anything still surprised her.
"That looked difficult."
Olivia followed the voice and saw an amused Lewis watching from the corner. She was so focused on the clothes, she had forgotten about him.
"If I had known cutting your feet kept you this immobile, I'd have done it a long time ago," he commented mildly.
She turned away from him, choosing to enjoy the cloth against her skin rather than to absorb his mocking words.
Paper rustled in the background as Lewis started shuffling through the supplies. "Guess we're eating pop tarts again."
He tossed a packet of strawberry ones onto the bed, making Olivia jump. Her nose crinkled as she looked at the foil. She could already feel herself getting sick.
"Oh, I forgot about that."
Olivia eyed him from a distance, not liking the sound of his voice.
He winked at her and brought out a light gray bundle. "I have a surprise for you."
She furrowed her brow. That didn't sound good.
A wide smile stretched his face as he moved towards her. He looked giddy. Like a child on Christmas morning. He was going to enjoy this.
Olivia had no idea what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the onesie he laid in front of her. Her eyes grew as she processed the words on it.
"Isn't it perfect?" Lewis whispered. "I knew we had to have it."
Olivia set her jaw, turning off the tears before they filled her eyes. Daddy's Little Helper. It was the most appalling thing she had ever seen. Her eyes scanned the small outfit, noting the hardware tools scattered across it. Some people might find it cute. Funny even. But not her. Not like this.
"Wasn't sure what size to get, so I asked the cashier. She said this one should work."
Her eyes snapped to his face. "Wait, you did what?"
Lewis shrugged. "I don't know what 3M or 2T means. It's not like I've been around a lot of babies."
"What did you tell her?" her voice trembled.
He frowned, clearly expecting her focus to be on the onesie. "What do you care?"
"What did you say to the cashier?" she repeated, the panic evident in her eyes.
Lewis set his jaw and clenched his fist. "I told her my wife was pregnant and I do odd jobs around the house. I wanted to get the outfit as an inside joke, but I didn't know what size to get." Lewis wrinkled his forehead at her wounded expression. "What?"
Olivia stared at the baby outfit, her horror growing by the second. Lewis had told someone about the baby.
"Wait." Lewis laughed, a heartless chuckle that set her teeth on edge. His laugh was like sandpaper. Rough. Grating. "You're worried your friends will find out you're pregnant."
Her heart sunk. They weren't supposed to find out. No one was ever supposed to know. She was going to get away from Lewis and terminate the pregnancy before anyone found out. It would be her secret. Hers alone. No one was supposed to know.
"Isn't it ironic?" His fingers grazed her cheek. "These past few days, you've been hoping someone at the store recognized me. That our faces are plastered all over the news. You only needed one person to call it in. Help would be on the way, right?" Lewis ran his fingers through her hair, smiling at his broken victim. "But now? Now you're hoping that old woman didn't know me. Hoping she didn't turn on the six o'clock news that night and see my face."
She refused to comment, her heart shattering so hard she could almost hear it break. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"If she did call it in, your friends know about the baby by now." Lewis cradled her cheek with a gentle smile. "Can you picture their face when they find out? Maybe your partner can see it happening. You tied to a bed, screaming as I force myself inside – "
"Stop," Olivia ground out. "Please, just stop."
Lewis nodded slowly, touching his tongue to his lips. "They will never understand what happened to you. How different you are. Maybe you don't even realize it yourself."
Olivia swallowed hard. Her eyes fell back to the onesie laid in front of her, wishing she could throw that thing in the fire pit. Watch it burn to ashes. Anything to stop this conversation.
He grinned, studying her with an element of pride. "Do you realize you've been sitting on this bed for a solid five minutes? No cuffs, no rope. I don't even have the gun on me. But you just sat there, being a good girl."
Olivia looked at him with disdain, masking the shame burning inside her. "You said you would kidnap little girls if I tried to run."
"And you know I would," he confirmed. "But we both know that's not why you're still here. You're different. Your friends will never understand that. Not like I do. I'm all you have now. Me and this baby."
"You're wrong," Olivia said through gritted teeth. His speech filled her with more emotions than she could count. But only one of them mattered. She swam through her sea of emotions until she found it, holding onto it with everything she had. Lewis wasn't going to destroy her.
"Am I?" Lewis titled his head with a knowing grin. "Then why are you crying?"
Olivia clenched her jaw and refused to answer him. Lewis couldn't be right. Not about this. She stayed on the bed because people would die if she didn't. Children would be tortured. Families torn apart. He told her to settle down and warned her what would happen if she didn't. Olivia was fighting to stay alive – to keep others alive. There was no other reason she hadn't made a run for it. Nothing else keeping her here. She wasn't staying because Lewis got in her head. Olivia was too strong. She would never let that happen.
Lewis lifted the onesie and tossed it back in the corner. "This baby will destroy you in every way that I can't. It will suck you dry until there is nothing left to take. And then? And then the fierce Detective Benson will die knowing a rapist has her baby. "
No. No, she wasn't having the baby. Lewis wasn't raising the baby. There would be no baby. Even as the denial churned in her head, Olivia realized she had to face the music. By her calculations, she was close to her second trimester. She might even be in her second trimester. Maybe someone did see Lewis at the store and report it. Maybe her squad knew about the pregnancy and had an idea of where she was. But after four months, Olivia knew the odds of being found were slim. For now, Lewis controlled every aspect of her life.
He wanted to break her, and the pregnancy was part of that. Lewis made that clear from the beginning. But over the past month, Lewis had changed. She had no idea why or how, but he cared about this baby. He gave her food more often, made sure she drank water. Anything she needed to keep the baby healthy.
Olivia had been so focused on hating the baby she hadn't paid attention. She had been thinking like a victim instead of a cop. That was going to stop. If she was carrying the only thing Lewis cared about, she had leverage. She had a chance. Olivia just had to figure out what do with it.