Hey guys, thanks for being patient. So sorry for the forever delay between chapters. I switched careers and went back to school a year ago, so spare time has not really been a thing. Working on finding a balance. This chapter involved a fair amount of research, so if you find something medically inaccurate…please educate me. Happy reading!

Barba gently laid the cool rag on her head. "Is that better?"

Olivia didn't offer a response. She felt like she was on fire. Her brain insisted she wasn't. Unfortunately, her nerves were doing an excellent job of overruling logic.

Barba frowned. He didn't understand how she could look red and pale simultaneously. "You should try to drink some water."

Olivia slowly licked her dry lips. Her eyes remained closed. If having a burn treated hurt that badly, she was almost glad her thigh was a missed opportunity. And that wasn't even the full burn treatment.

"Olivia, you have to drink something," Barba pleaded. He eyed the full puke bucket with a growing queasiness.

"Can't...move."

The door creaked open to a weary Cassidy.

"How are you -" Brian's voice trailed off as he took in the room. His eyes closed for a brief moment. Squaring his shoulders, he grabbed the full bucket and headed into the bathroom. Within a few minutes, the tray and bucket were spotless. The smell lingered, but he couldn't help that.

Barba pulled away the damp rag and frowned at the heat emanating from Olivia's forehead. He said nothing, but Brian saw the change in expression.

"Drink."

Olivia peeled her eyes open to find a straw touching her lips. "I don't want it."

"Drink." Brian stood stoically at the opposite side and met her angry gaze with a steely one of his own.

Barba raised an eyebrow at the battle of wills. Not many people could handle Olivia's intensity this well.

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. "I can't keep it down."

Brian tilted his head. "Small sips then."

Olivia glowered her response. She wanted to argue, but his resolve made her waver. She could refuse the drink just to prove a point...but what point would that be exactly? This wasn't Lewis. She could have a drink whenever she wanted. And with everything she just threw up, a small sip would at least wash the taste away. Given that logic, not drinking the water seemed foolish. Childish even.

Brian's shoulders relaxed as she slowly took the straw in her mouth. The water line receded in the cup, proving she was indeed drinking.

Olivia turned away from the cup after a few seconds and swished the remaining mouthful to eliminate the bitter taste. "Thanks."

Brian nodded, shoving his hands awkwardly into his pocket.

Barba returned with a freshly damp towel. "Are you sure you're not hot? Your skin feels like it could melt my briefcase."

Olivia's lips lifted slightly. "I just need some time. Changing, it was, um, involved."

Barba offered a thin smile. "Get some rest then. I'll leave the donuts?"

Brian's focus shifted to the unopened box. "Donuts?"

Barba shrugged. "Help yourself."

Brian waited until the door closed before pouncing. "Will the smell make you sick?"

"You'll know when I know."

Brian paused, his skin turning green. "I'll wait."

Her fingers tightened around the plastic object. She was surprised her death grip didn't break it. Not that she was trying to break it. She just didn't know what to do with it. Throw it? Break it? Flush it? She couldn't seem to let go of it, though. The black letters had faded hours ago, but she could see it as clearly now as she did then. Pregnant. She was actually pregnant. One hand moved from the plastic test to her head. She was having a baby. His baby.

Olivia let her head fall back against the bathroom wall. Its coolness provided a welcome distraction. Her legs had adjusted to the cool tile floor awhile ago. How long had she even been in here? Lewis didn't do well with emotions. He thought it better to leave her in solitary until she calmed down and was more "reasonable." After all, what sane woman wouldn't be delighted with the idea of her insides being slowly crushed together so a giant water balloon with a demon child could grow inside of her?

Her hand dropped back to her lap, and she clenched the offending object harder.

The doorknob rattled. Olivia automatically brought her knees up and curled her arms around her legs. No point in giving him ideas.

Lewis slowly pushed the door in. "Thought for sure there'd be some broken glass when I came back in here."

Olivia's despondent eyes didn't shift from the pregnancy test. Her stiffened muscles were the only acknowledgment of his presence.

His eyes brushed over her multi-colored body. Her sunken cheeks had lost the sun-kissed tan a while ago. The dark circles under her eyes matched the spots on her arms, and her large green shirt seemed to highlight the many red marks on her skin. Then there were the yellow bruises. He had done well. "Found some frozen pizza. It's in the oven."

Her stomach rebelled.

"These people had a whole collection of movies. You can pick which one we watch. Thought we could take it easy tonight. Celebrate with a pizza and movie. Maybe we can even play something. Found a closet full of old board games. Pretty sure I spotted Sorry. How's that for irony?"

Olivia's nose burned. "You're really not going to let me go."

A smile tugged at his lips. "The more you talk like that, the more I'll want to pin those arms above your head."

Her face flinched. Olivia's arms circled tighter around her legs as her head dropped to her knees.

Lewis placed his hand on her head and shushed her. "Come on now. This isn't you. What happened to that arrogant detective I met a few months ago? Huh? She could handle anything."

She tried to shrink into a smaller ball. It did no good. His hand still wandered freely over her skin. That strong woman had disappeared a few days into this mess. She had been beaten into submission. Told to obey or die. But then…she stopped obeying and instead of being awarded with death - she had been punished with life. If one could call this a life. Lewis was right, though. She had been arrogant back then. She passionately believed "no" and "stop" meant something. Olivia had failed to realize a crucial part of that logic though. Those two words only mattered if the person you were with listened. And Lewis - he was not inclined to do that.

"Come on," Lewis huffed as he straightened. "Pizza is almost done. Let's go pick a movie." He held his hand out, as if expecting her to trust him. "You know I don't like to repeat myself."

Olivia's head lifted, her eyes falling to the bruises circling her wrists. The burning in her left hand was getting worse, and her thumb tingled like it was falling asleep. She shifted and used her good hand to reach for Lewis. He would be angry if she refused his help.

Lewis circled an arm around her waist for support…or for confinement. She couldn't tell. Olivia left the bathroom with no protest. Her voice didn't matter. He owned her life now.

Sausage and tomatoes wafted through the living room as Lewis moved them towards a wall of DVDs. Her stomach twisted at the spicy aroma.

"Comedy, romance, or violence? Up for some blood and guts?"

Her eyes shifted over the large selection. She lived blood and guts. No need to watch more. Though, perhaps it would be satisfying to see the bad guy lose. And romance? Anything remotely related to intimacy should be avoided with Lewis. So…comedy? Then again, Lewis's laughter set her teeth on edge, but maybe…it would be funny enough to make her laugh? Did her body know how to do that anymore?

"Olivia?"

A tremor rippled through her muscles and caused the cup in her hand to fold.

"Good thing we didn't refill it," Doctor Redding said dryly. "Need a minute?"

Olivia took a deep breath and willed her racing heart to calm down. "No." She leaned over to pick up the empty cup, realizing halfway up she had used her right hand. How many times had she on instinct avoided using her injured left hand?

"What happened to the pregnancy test?"

Olivia frowned. "I don't know. Guess he took it."

Doctor Redding studied her inquisitively. "You mean to tell me that the object you were holding for hours suddenly disappeared when Lewis entered the bathroom?"

Olivia shrugged her response and immediately regretted her movement. Her shoulder was still on fire from that stupid bra she had worn yesterday. The pain lingered for hours after Doctor Cadman had removed it. The pain made it almost impossible to sleep. The combination of exhaustion and the pain coming from..everywhere made her even more difficult than normal.

Doctor Redding frowned at her stoicism but left it alone. "Why do you think you held the pregnancy test for so long?"

Olivia clenched the cup until it cracked. Why had she held on to the stupid thing? As soon as Lewis moved to hand her the test, she knew what it showed. Lewis had looked relieved. Excited even. And Lewis had never handed her the test before. He had thrown them, kicked her, shouted expletives for five minutes, anything to show her the depths of his anger. But showing her the test only meant one thing.

"Do you think it could have been a safety net of sorts?"

"How?" Olivia scoffed. Her face immediately turned red, as if her entire body raged at the thought.

"Well," Doctor Redding chewed on his lip. "Did you want a child before Lewis took you?"

Her eyes narrowed. She hated men dissecting her life. "Yes," she uttered through clenched teeth.

"So maybe…just maybe, you were relieved your body wasn't broken. You could carry a baby. Plus, you were in survival mode. Your life was better when Lewis was happy and substantially worse when he wasn't. A pregnancy meant he had won. But in a way, you knew that didn't mean you lost. It meant you lived to fight another day."

Olivia's eyes shone with angry tears. "You think I was excited to have a part of him inside me?"

Doctor Redding offered a compassionate smile. "That's not what I said, Olivia."

"It's what you meant," Olivia muttered.

Doctor Redding shifted. "Having another pity party, are we?"

Olivia's nostrils flared.

"You have enough people feeling sorry for you. I won't be one of them."

"You don't understand -"

"I'm gonna stop you from finishing that," Doctor Redding interjected calmly. "You sound like a petulant child."

Olivia's eyes narrowed.

"Am I wrong?" Doctor Redding inquired.

Her gaze dropped to the floor. "No."

"All right then. Do you want to talk about why you're so cranky today, or do you want to get back to the pregnancy test?"

Olivia played with the broken cup in her hand, feeling eerily broken herself. "I just want to get out of here."

"Maybe in a week or so. You'll know today whether or not your feet need surgery, right? You're having the NCS and EMG done?"

Olivia nodded, dread written all over face.

Doctor Redding looked at his watch and decided to end early. "You'll do fine. You survived countless hours of assault and torture. You can handle a couple of tests."

Olivia raised her eyebrow and tried not to think about the EMG. She couldn't imagine how a needle in her foot would feel better than a knife in her foot.

"Can I just say one more thing about the pregnancy test?"

Olivia glared at the psychiatrist with her guard still up.

"You knew that day you finally had something Lewis wanted, and you used that to get in his head. Maybe that pregnancy test wasn't the beginning of the end. Rather, it was the crossroads of whether or not you'd actually survive. And you being the fighter you are decided to do just that."

"You got all that from a piece of plastic?" Emotion choked the joke's intention.

Doctor Redding didn't seem amused. "Can you promise yourself one thing, Olivia?"

She blinked a few times until her vision cleared. "What's that?"

"Don't minimize what you went through. Not the humiliation, not the pain, not the loneliness. But especially not your triumphs. You fought. You lived. Don't throw everything you went through under a rug because it makes you uncomfortable. You will either grow through this or shrink into a shell of a woman. Don't let him do that to you."

Doctor Santiago wheeled to the foot of her bed, nodding his approval.

Nancy lifted the covers and gently reached for Olivia's foot. "This is going to get uncomfortable," she warned softly.

Olivia squeezed Brian's hand tighter. Her lips formed a straight line, refusing to allow any noise through them. She had been through worse.

Nancy gently peeled the sock off and wiggled the medical tape loose.

Olivia clenched her teeth, too aware of the people around her.

"Hey, what are you thinking for lunch?" Brian leaned into her line of vision, blocking her view.

Olivia let herself be distracted. "You're always thinking about food," she whispered.

Nancy peeled the last of the gauze off her right foot, causing a mumbled groan from the patient.

"Look at me, Liv," Brian instructed calmly.

Olivia's panicked eyes flew to his. Her senses were too aware of the hands at her mutilated feet. They already hurt, and the examination hadn't even started yet. "I can't do this."

Brian lifted her hand to his cheek. "We can do this."

"Do you want a break?" Nancy paused her efforts and adjusted her gray scrubs. "We can come back after you've had a minute."

"No," Olivia whispered. Her gaze turned back to Brian.

"That modern art podcast was different. Especially that Fautism stuff from France," Brian mused.

Olivia squinted and furrowed her brows. "The what?"

Brian hesitated, a nervousness settling in his expression. "The bold and vibrant colors? The weird colorings on people?"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "The bold colors? You mean Fauvism?"

Brian's mouth formed an O. "Isn't that what I said?"

Laughter bubbled up in her chest, manifesting in a small chuckle. "Not quite."

Nancy straightened and threw a wad of discolored gauze in the trash. "All done."

Doctor Santiago slowly rotated one foot at a time. "The cuts seemed to have healed nicely. The color is a nice pink instead of the streaks of red you had before. I need to check your temperature, and then we'll see what nerve response you have."

Brian squeezed her hand in encouragement. "Already on the mend."

The doctor adjusted his collar on the light blue shirt beneath the firm white coat. "This is going to hurt."

Olivia nodded and licked her dry lips. "Do what you have to do."

"Your MRI results showed that your medial plantar nerve was cut in two places on your right foot but only the muscle was cut on your left foot. Makes for a painful recovery, but I don't believe surgery will be required. At least, not for your left foot. I am concerned for the right, but this test will show how deep the cut goes."

Brian saw a lump in Olivia's throat bob up and down. He tightened his grip on her hand, her fear palpable.

Nancy ran the thermometer over Olivia's forehead until it beeped. "97.9," she announced.

"Let's do this, then." Doctor Santiago applied a cool paste to her right foot before attaching an electrode.

Olivia's paling face watched the second electrode move towards her foot. "Brian," her voice wavered.

"Hey, I'm right here."

"While this won't be pleasant, it shouldn't be nearly as painful as the injuries you sustained."

Olivia's face remained unchanged, clearly unconvinced.

"You need to be still and relax your foot for me."

A tremor passed through her body. She willed her muscles to unwind, but they seemed permanently coiled.

"If this test is inaccurate, you will be pushed through for a surgery you don't need. I know this is difficult, but you have to loosen your foot. Let's make sure you only have to do these tests once, okay?"

Her eyes widened at the thought of doing this multiple times. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She went back to the coffee shop. It had been her best friend during the assaults. The benches were tan this time. Nice bounce to them. Olivia pictured the warm cup of coffee in her hand. "I'm ready."

A tingle coursed through her foot and jerked her toes.

"Perfect, you're doing great." Doctor Santiago adjusted the gray instrument and sent a slightly stronger electrical pulse through her foot.

Nancy furiously recorded while the doctor rotated his instrument, a different part of Olivia's foot jerking each time.

Brian looked away. He wanted to drop her hand and run from the room. He could be of more use somewhere else. Nick would know how to distract her. Cragen could have comforted her. Fin would tell her old stories. But she hadn't asked for any of them. Liv had asked for him. He had stood her up once before, and it had almost cost her life. So as much as he wanted to run, he would stay. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "You're doing great, Liv."

"Any word?" Amanda passed out the last of the coffee before peeling her jacket off.

Nick shook his head, his face creased with worry.

"It's been over an hour," Amanda protested.

Cragen sighed and rubbed his forehead. "It took them awhile to track down the nurse Liv requested."

"What could they be doing in there?" Nick paced under the muted television.

"We know what they're doing in there," Fin pointed out.

Amanda shivered and reached back for her jacket. "It's colder in here than outside."

"I don't see why they couldn't spread out the tests. No reason to do two at the same time," Nick mumbled.

"You're just jealous Liv picked Cassidy over you," Fin retorted.

"This isn't a popularity contest," Nick snapped.

"Enough." Cragen crossed his arms. "Olivia has enough going on without us biting each other's heads off. We're all tired. If you can't handle it, go home. But if you stay here, then knock off the attitude."

Amanda glanced between the feuding men. "It should be over soon. It's just the two tests, right?"

Cragen nodded. "It's the muscle and nerve tests. Neurologist said they do them at the same time. They must have started the muscle one by now, I imagine."

Rollins cringed. "Is that the one with the needle?"

"No wonder it's taking forever. You try putting a needle in my foot, and I sure as hell wouldn't make your life easy." Fin grabbed a bag of chips. He wasn't even hungry, but he couldn't handle sitting still anymore.

Nick fell into a chair. "I hate she has to go through all of this. Lewis put her through enough."

The room fell quiet. Rescue and recovery were not as peaceful as they had hoped.

"Brian?" Amanda jumped to her feet when the door opened. "How is she?"

Brian shook his head. His scruffy beard and wrinkled shirt made it seem like he had lived ten years in the past two hours.

"The Doctor did both tests. Liv handled the nerve test okay. Doctor thinks the nerve was only partially cut. He believes physical therapy will help. He doesn't want to push a lot of surgeries on her."

"Is she awake?" Nick inquired.

Brian's eyes widened with a shake of his head. "They gave her something to sleep. She freaked out during the muscle test. That damn needle was huge."

Cragen's shoulders slumped. "At least it's over now."

Brian sighed. "They still have to figure out if her shoulder needs surgery. She could be discharged in the next few days. They don't know for sure yet."

Cragen nodded. "That's good news. Worst of it seems to be behind us. I should head back to the city. I've been gone too long already. Cases are starting to pile up."

"I'll come with you, Captain." Amanda reached for her collection of snacks. "You fellas got this?"

Cragen turned around and pointed at the trio. "If I get a call from the nurses that there's been a problem with you three -"

"I'll keep them in line, boss," Fin promised.

Cragen raised an eyebrow. "Keep yourself in line too." After a few more warnings, the pair made it out the door.

Fin watched them leave, grateful to stay. "I think I'll go sit with Liv."

Nick and Brian looked warily at each other. They were too snappy to share the quiet waiting room.

"I'm gonna take a walk. There's coffee and snacks if you're hungry," Nick offered.

Brian refused the coffee with a shake of his head. He too just wanted to sleep. The testing had worn him out.

Fin and Nick slipped out of the waiting room, and Brian found himself alone. The weight of his situation hit him square in the chest. Tears gathered in his eyes. Liv was so messed up. What he had been expecting though? That months of torture wouldn't change her? That she would still be fierce and full of spunk? Olivia had changed. Fear followed her around like a cloud of darkness. And she hadn't mentioned aborting the baby. She had been careful to divert the conversation each time it had come close. He knew what that meant. He didn't want kids. Especially not this one. But Olivia hadn't asked for any of this either. What did this all mean? And how was he supposed to make any sense of it? They needed to talk. But even if he waited a lifetime, he somehow knew even then, Olivia would never be ready to talk. Not to him. Not about Lewis.

Brian shook his head and leaned against the wall. What was he supposed to do?