Chapter 8 - The monster within you
Warning: Blood and injury, graphic violence, strong language .
Here comes the Slayer…. Dun dun duuuuunnn
The maze, as Bodhi called it, was dirty and very unpleasant. Despite the rich decorations and careful finishes that had once certainly looked much better, place now resembled a ruin. Every few steps they passed rubble or stones and on the walls you could see traces of fire, acid or lightning, or other signs of many fights fought here earlier. Esme led the team down long run-down corridors in search of an exit, they had been pacing them for several long hours. Over and over again, they encountered strange puzzles and riddles that fueled in Esme her unfounded feelings of anger and irritation. But when, for a change, the team was faced with monsters, which were not lacking in the Spellhold dungeons, kensai lost herself in the fight with a smile on her face. She attacked aggressively, quickly and without unnecessary caution. Her swords cut swiftly and efficiently, cutting through flesh of her opponents like a warm knife through butter. For a brief moment, her anger was replaced by a feeling of satisfaction and she almost enjoyed it. The blood circulating faster through the veins fueled the beating heart and Esme could have sworn that when she listen to its rhythm, she can hear a soft whisper. Somewhere in her head, to the beat of her heart, something encouraged her and she almost heard a voice whispering very softly, "kill, kill, kill ...". Esme didn't worry too much about it. Killing everything that moved in the maze was a necessary step to get to Irenicus and Bodhi, and she did it with pleasure. The rest became indifferent to her. Esme knew there was an awkward silence among her companions and that they were watching her secretly, worried about her behavior. It also didn't matter to her. Everything she had done so far had backfired, and it was driving her crazy. Her goal was now simple and clear and her current lack of emotion did not worry her. Esme was quite pleased with the way things had turned out and considered it a plus. Nothing was distracting her now and she could focus all her attention on what was important. She remembered that her relationships with others were also important before, that these people were important to her and meant a lot to her. Now, what she thought about her companions or what others thought about her was trivial and of secondary importance.
After killing another monster, team was about to move on, when an unexpectedly unpleasant laugh echoed through gloomy corridors. Esme recognized it immediately and gritted her teeth as she looked for its owner. Finally, in one of passages she saw a figure of a vampire woman and some of her companions. Pleased with herself, Bodhi smirked at them and clapped her hands.
-Time is up, my little mouse!- She exclaimed.
Esme felt the feeling of anger that accompanied her from beginning of her way through the maze returning again. This time, however, much stronger.
-You weren't gonna let us escape! - Esme snapped, trying to control her emotions.
Bodhi chuckled again and, as if scolding herself, hit the back of her hand.
-Oh Yes, I'm so horrible! I am very very bad- she said sneeringly- But you didn't believe that I would really give you a chance to ruin Jon's plans? Our revenge, his and minę, has to come true and you just kept me entertained. But now the fun is over. Prepare to die.
Esme gritted her teeth with rage.
-I will kill you, even if it was the last thing I do!- She said trembling all over. Anger grew in her more and more.
Bodhi laughed out loud and raised one eyebrow up.
-I wish you luck! Maybe you'll have more dignity and die in a little less pathetic way than that inept friend of yours from Kara Tur!
-How dare you!- Jaheira said somewhere next to Esme and kensai felt all the anger and fury take control over her. All her previous bad experiences had finally accumulated and she could no longer contain them. Her body almost screamed in pain, it was to much. Her anger and the desire to tear Bodhi to shreds seemed to tear her skull apart. Every inch of her body twitched and her hands clenched painfuly on the hilt of het swords. The vampire's laughter and insolent tone drove Esme mad. "Kill her! Show her how strong you are! Destroy her like a pest! KILL HER‼ "shouted the fierce voice in her head and finally unable to take it any longer, Esme screamed furiously with it. Scream turned into a terrifying roar that shook the walls of the maze.
"I will kill her! I will destroy her! She is nothing more than a pest deserving only annihilation! " Esme thought frantically. Her eyes darkened and she walked blindly forward to attack. Bodhi dodged blows kensai was trying to deliver. Other vampires were not so quick, and two of them fell headless to the ground.
"Pests ‼‼ I will shred them to pieces‼‼"
Bodhi took a few steps back. Esme lunged at her, but vampire avoided the attack efficiently again and then ran away cowardly from the place of the fight. Esme roared furiously again, deprived of any possibility of revenge. Somewhere behind her she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.
"More pests‼ More enemies‼" She launched an attack to destroy the next opponents standing in her way." Pests" moved their mouths, waved their arms furiously and tried to avoid her attacks, but Esme wasn't going to give up. She finally managed to reach one of them. Red blood splashed and she desired more of it, but the constant blows and pursuit of stubbornly fleeing victims exhausted her. She felt her muscles failing to obey her and her head spinning. Finally she fell to her knees and vomited from exhaustion and her head hit the hard stone floor.
Sour taste in her mouth and tearing pain in the muscles were first things Esme felt as she regained consciousness. She opened her eyes slowly looking around, slightly confused. Her companions sat around fire, watching her closely, as if with a mixture of fear and compassion. Stiff neck hurt her painfully, but as she raised her hand to massage it, something heavy rang against her wrist.
-What's that supposed to mean?! - She cried, surprised to see thick chains on her wrists- Why am I chained?
Imoen and Anomen moved closer. Anomen carefully handed her a flask of water and Esme grabbed it quickly only now realizing how thirsty she was.
-You must forgive us, my dear- Anomen began slowly - We had to take certain precautions after ...
-After what ?!- kensai demanded seeing Anomen struggling to find the right words.
-Do you remember what even happened, Essie?- Imoen asked watching her closely.
Esme frowned. Her head hurt quite badly and memories were a bit unclear.
-I… We .. We came across Bodhi. She deceived us and wanted to kill us ... I remember I was furious ... Then ... I'm not sure, I don't remember - kensai admitted trying to remember something. She vaguely associated the attack on Bodhi and her vampires.
-Something… strange happened- Imoen said and Esme looked at her listening carefully- You've lost your temper and… and ..
-AND?!- Esme was frustrated by this whole ridiculous situation - Spit it out!
-The essence of Bhaal took over you and you turned into The Slayer – Jaheira finished for Imoen and came closer- Then you attacked us and tried to kill us until you fell unconscious to the ground. This is exactly what happened.
Esme raised her eyebrows in surprise at what she heard. She looked at Edwin and Minsc who were watching her closely from a safe distance. Imoen and Anomen sitting closest to her seemed to be more shaky than scared and Jaheira had the same expression on her face that accompanied her usually. On one of elf's hands, however, Esme noticed the reddened skin that had recently healed, still showing signs of a recent wound. Kensai was startled by four red claw marks and the torn fabric of the tunic.
-This is my doing? - She asked and the druid nodded.
-It's nothing, Child.
-Nothing? !- Esme snorted- turning into an Avatar of a dead god is nothing? I may not be myself lately but losing control of myself or killing you is not in my best interest, Jaheira! It's not nothing!
Elf shook her head and knelt beside Esme.
- I meant it could have ended a lot worse. We are all alive and that what matters- she said calmly, placing her hands on kensai's shoulders.
Esme sighed loudly and raised her chained hands up.
-Where the hell did you get it anyway?
-Minsc remembered that he saw them at the Minotaur, which we killed not so long ago. We brought them while you were unconscious.
-Forgive us, my dear- Anomen began to explain- We know what it looks like, but please understand.
Esme nodded, slightly tired of the whole situation. She began to massage more and more painful temples.
-Yes, yes, I understand everything. I would probably do the same - she said dryly and Anomen relaxed a little.
-Do you need anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?
Esme shook her head, feeling the throbbing pain in her skull starting to build up more.
-No. I just got a headache. I want to rest.
-Try to take a nap, my dear- Helmite said with concern in his voice and Esme rested her head on her bedding without protest and closed her eyes. Her whole body was aching and despite her haste to find a way out of the maze, kensai wanted to rest for a few precious minutes. Though the enormous never-ending urge to catch Bodhi and Irenicus never left her, exhaustion overwhelmed her and she gave up. Esme fell into a restless sleep which became clearer with each passing moment and the voice speaking to her in it grew louder. From a barely audible whisper it turned into a scream inside her skull.
"-Why are you wasting your time being among these poor pathetic mortals? You should accept your destiny, God Child! Together, we could do great things! "
-Be quiet! I don't want to listen to you and I don't want to have anything to do with you! Leave me alone!" She thought in response to his insistent urging. But the voice only chuckled in response and continued to speak with even more vigor in its poisonous tone.
"Accept me and your origin, surrender to me and I will show you your true power, which is due to you because of your blood. "
-Power?! You want to take over my mind and make me your mindless puppet! I am suppose to give up like the last time you took advantage of the moment of my weakness ?! I almost killed all my comrades!
"They are just pawns on your way to greatness. Get rid of them and use your potential, God Child. Your father's essence is exceptionally strong in you. Don't waste it! "
-I have not been the same since my soul was taken but I still remember that I cared about those around me. I'm not going to kill them. I don't care about you, my pathetic father and my origin! I will not give up to you! Shut up now!
"Oh no, no. I will not be silent! I am a part of you and I want you to let me speak! I am part of you! I am something you cannot escape and something you cannot ignore or deny! If it weren't for Bhaal you wouldn't exist at all! I am born from his blood and I am you! You deserve glory and that everyone will bow to you! I am you! I am the divine part that runs through your veins with your blood and drives your heart! Listen to me! LISTEN TO YOUR BLOOD‼ "
-NO! Leave me alone! - Esme shouted in her sleep in response, waking up completely. But despite her eyes wide open the sound of flowing blood and the thudding of heart beating like crazy did not stop. On the contrary, it grew louder every second, muffling all other sounds.
-Are you okay, Esme? - she heard Anomen's muffled voice - You are trembling. I'll put more wood to the fire.
Esme looked at him trying to focus on his words. Anomen was saying something else with concern on his face but the persistent rumble in her ears muffled his words. Helmite said something and Jaheira turned towards her as well and walked closer. The strange feeling that was building up in Esme more and more began to take over her. Anomen and Jaheira came even closer, and Esme, knowing she would not be able to control herself, lunged back to increase the distance.
-Step back!- She screamed at them but a roar escaped her lips instead of her voice and her vision darkened. A roar of rage and pain echoed through the empty corridors of the Spellhold.
Anomen looked in horror as the tiny figure of Esme turned into a monster once again that day. Long claws and sharp teeth glittered in the glow of the campfire as Slayer roared loud and long. Monster's long muzzle turned towards him, black eyes sparkled with a golden glow and Anomen instinctively took a step back. He knew the creature in front of him was actually Esme but chills ran down his spine anyway.
-She's chained. We should be safe- Jaheira said next to him. Minsc stood on the other side of him and handed him the long metal pole they had brought with chains earlier. Ranger held second pole in his hands. Anomen's fingers tightened on the cold surface. If the situation forces them to do so, they can defend themselves and somehow wait out Esme's transformation without hurting her. Heavy chains on the Slayer wrists rang again. Creature roared furiously once more and charged running straight at Anomen and Minsc. The momentum was stopped by a large and heavy boulder to which the chains were attached and Slayer roared again, seeing that she could not move.
-Essie! Try to control it! You hear me!?- Anomen shouted, hoping to reach another part of consciousness where his dear Esme will hear him.
Slayer roared once more, enraged even more, and stubbornly charged again tightening muscles and chains that bound her. Huge feet pressed so tightly that long claws scratched the stone floor. Locking chains grated dangerously on the next tug. One of the links broke loudly and then another. Slayer was free and went to attack. Everyone jumped aside to get out of her way and not get hit by sharp claws or teeth. Protective and movement acceleration spells cast quickly by Edwin and Imoen worked well and allowed them to effectively escape from transformed Esme, who stubbornly refused to give up.
-Maybe you have any ideas what to do ?!- Edwin shouted, fleeing the threat once again - My spells will not stop her! Use physical strength, half-brains!
Anomen reluctantly agreed with wizard mentally. Spells began to wear off and everyone was breathing hard with exhaustion. They couldn't run forever.
-Let's try to hold her in place!- Anomen called and Minsc nodded in response. Cleric grabbed one of the chains and ranger grabbed the other. Both men pressed their legs tightly, slowing Slayer a bit but now drawing attention to them. Creature turned and grinned wide. With a sudden wave of a powerful arm Slayer tugged at the chain and knocked Anomen off his feet and cleric fell painfully on the stone floor. Slayer moved towards him and Helmite quickly rose to his feet as he saw approaching threat. Minsc was still holding the other chain fiercely, and Jaheira and Edwin grabbed another one to slow monster's movements as it continued to push forward.
-Anomen! Catch! - knight heard Imoen's voice, who threw him previously dropped metal pole. Anomen tightened his fingers and stood more confidently on his feet, ready to defend himself. Minsc, Jaheira and Edwin despite their best efforts still couldn't manage to keep Esme in place. Their feet, seeking support on the uneven floor, were losing the fight and were moving forward centimeter by centimeter. Slayer, irritated by annoying ballast, tugged harder, knocking them to the ground and finally free moved towards Anomen. Anomen blocked blows of long talons but opponent's moves were faster than his and uneven floor made it difficult to move. At one point Anomen staggered and fell and Slayer jumped on him. Long and sharp claws stopped on the metal pole, which Anomen raised up at the last moment. Knight was pushing it back so hard he had the feeling that his shoulders were about to snap. Slayer roared furiously but unexpectedly a chain was thrown around her neck to block an attack. Minsc held it tight to help Anomen who was still struggling with increasing effort under the creature's large body.
-ESME ‼!- Helmite shouted loudly, feeling that he would not be able to hold his position any longer – FIGHT IT! FIGHT IT NOW‼ I KNOW YOU CAN‼!
But still in Slayer form, Esme was deaf to his call.
-ESME! IT IS US! REMEMBER??! ‼ IT'S ME‼! !- He shouted once more and Slayer roared again. Creature stopped attack and panting heavily began to shake head as if confused. After a short moment monster started towards Anomen again, but with less fury and shaky steps. At last Slayer stood in confusion and Anomen quickly got up from the ground and began to come closer, speaking again.
-If I didn't know you, I'd jump to your throat! But I do know you!! I know that is not real you! - Black eyes watched him carefully, head was shaking again and again as if trying to defend itself against the sound of the knight's words - You are a monster! When you let you let this thing take control of you you turn into a monster! I know you! We all know you! You are not like that! That is not a real you‼ ! You are stronger than this thing! You are not someone who ruthlessly kills people you love! You would hate yourself‼ LISTEN TO ME, ESME! WAKE UP‼!
Slayer roared again. She was shaking her head now and bouncing blindly against the walls. Eventually she lost her strength and balance and Esme's little body fell heavily on the floor.
Anomen was watching after Esme the whole time. After changing back into her own body, kensai fell into a restless sleep, mumbled a lot and had a high fever. He stayed by her side and looked after her, wanting to be as close as possible. He didn't stop for a meal and did not sleep until Jaheira and Imoen forced him to do so and promised to take care of Esme. As soon as he woke up, however, he returned to his post at her side and continued to watch over her. High temperature finally dropped and her breathing was much calmer.
-Water ...- Anomen heard a soft whisper suddenly and turned to see Esme opening her eyes slowly.
-Of course- he said, quickly grabbing cup and helping her drink.
-Thank you- she said, sitting down very slowly.
-How do you feel? - Anomen asked.
Esme looked at him and nodded.
-Much better.
This answer pleased him and he carefully laid a hand on her shoulder.
-Do you feel like you can control yourself again?-Jaheira asked as she and Imoen stepped closer.
-On the pants of the Fire Giant, Jay! You can't be any more gentle - the pink-haired protested to the elf's direct question but Esme shook her head quickly.
-It's all right. Given the circumstances, this question is perfectly appropriate. I'm sure I can do it. I can control myself now- Esme said confidently- That awful, uncontrollable anger… I managed to suppress it.
Imoen hugged her sister tightly and Anomen felt a stone fall from his heart. The situation was not fully resolved, but they managed to overcome at least this problem. Jaheira also smiled slightly approvingly.
-Are you able to go on? - She asked.
-Yes. Let's eat something and lets get the hell out of here- Esme said.
Eventually, after more fights, long and tiresome puzzles, and after a judgment of their sanity, group finally broke out of the mażę back to higher levels of Spellhold. Corridors were unpleasantly quiet and team swiftly made their way through them, ready to attack if they encounter enemies. But Bodhi's vampires were nowhere to be seen.
- Alright, so what's the plan?- Edwin asked slightly irritated- We can't go around here aimlessly (let's get out of this damn madhouse at last).
-We can't just go in and attack Irenicus!- Imoen protested - He's too powerful, we have no chance even if we attack by surprise!
Everyone fell silent knowing Imoen was right. Situation looked rather hopeless.
-If only we had some allies to help us put an end to his terror- Anomen sighed loudly.
-Exactly!- Esme exclaimed – We do have a whole lot of magicians who hate him!
Anomen frowned not really understanding what she meant.
- I'm talking about the prisoners held here! They can help us! - kensai explained quickly and Edwin hearing these words raised his hands up in protest.
-Have you been hit in the head too much lately or what? They are lunatics!
-This is our only option, Edwin.
-When we appeared in this charming place, we were shown around it and met the local patients very thoroughly. One of them, seeing us, even took off his pants and was running around the room shouting "Pudding! ". And I am to entrust my life to someone like that ?! Have you lost your mind?! (This cannot be true, the great Edwin Odesseiron will end up killed by a bunch of psychos).
Esme looked at him closely, then at the rest of the group.
-If anyone has a different idea, I'd love to hear it- she said, but everyone shook their heads. Edwin rolled his eyes as he saw that the crazy plan was going to happend.
-All right! - He hissed. - But I swear that if I die here, I'll kill you.
Opening all cells, releasing patients and unnoticed gathering them in one place took surprisingly shorter than expected. Lonk the Sane turned out to be exceptionally in control of the whole crowd who listened to him as carefully as possible. The right amount of gold to maje his purse heavier helped him a lot in his decision to stand against Irenicus. Patients nodded at last and Lonk looked at Esme and the rest of the group.
-They will help you. Are you ready? - He asked.
Everyone drew their weapons.
-Time to start the party- Imoen said and Lonk teleported everyone present to the lab where Irenicus was.
Without giving him much time to judge the situation, and using the element of surprise, they attacked immediately. A fight broke out in the now cramped room. To even his chances, Jon summoned the clones to fight, and they were now attacking fiercely. Anomen felt extremely strange when the situation forced him to fight the copy of Jaheira. Out of breath when he finally defeated her, he was glad that the druid was on their side. In the end, the number of opponents turned out to be too large, even for Irenicus.
-I don't have time to play this game with you! - He shouted.
Esme lunged forward to reach him but the mage teleported himself and fled the scene.
-You bloody bastard! Come back and fight! - furious kensai shouted. Breathing heavily, she put her hands on her hips and looked around the room.
-What now? - Imoen asked but Esme shrugged.
-I do not know. We have to go after Irenicus and Bodhi but I don't know where - kensai admitted.
-He had his office in the back- Lonk said - Maybe you can find something there.
Esme nodded gratefully.
-Thank you Lonk for all your help. We'll look around and then get out of here.
Lonk said nothing, smiled slightly from under his hood, and began treating mages who had survived an encounter with Irenicus. Anomen, Esme and the rest of the group rushed immediately to the office mentioned earlier. But when they approached, door was ajar and a noise could be heard from inside. Without waiting for the situation to develop, Minsc kicked the door with his mighty leg, opening it wide. Inside was Saemon Havarian, who was caught scared and surprise. He smiled at them widely.
After a short conversation, a few unsuccessful jokes on the part of Havarian, and one very clear and vivid death threat from Esme in the event of his repeated betrayal, group once again went on a ship under command of two-faced Saemon Havarian.
Anomen was sitting in his cabin, cleaning his armor after long adventure on Brynnlaw, when there was a soft knock on the door.
-Come in- he said as he continued his work but when he saw Esme in the doorway he quickly put his things aside and rose to his feet.
-Esme- cleric said, slightly surprised.
-Busy? - She asked looking at his thrown things - I can come later.
-No, no! - he assured her hastily - Please, come in.
Anomen was surprised by her visit. Since Esme lost her soul, they did not talk in private and he was very happy to see her. Although he was not too sure what her visit was supposed to herald.
Esme closed the door behind her and looked at him.
-I wanted to thank you- she said.
-Thank me? What for, my dear?- Anomen asked.
-For your help, when I turned into The Slayer- she replied in a serious tone - Your words reached me and I managed to control my actions. Thank you for this.
Anomen moved closer.
-You know you don't have to thank me for anything, Essie. It is not my merit, but yours. I was sure you could handle it, you just had to get some impulse from outside. That's all.
-It sounds much easier in your mouth than it really was, but there is a point in it- she admitted- This uncontrollable anger that was building up in me is gone at last. I do still have trouble with the rest of my emotions. Everything seems to have faded out and I have an impression that there is a big void in my chest. But at least this dangerous part of this whole situation is over. Thank you for your help and support, although I know it was not easy.
Anomen took her hand carefully.
-I didn't even think about abandoning you in such a situation, my dear. I will stay by your side no matter what, just as you stood by mine when I was lost. At the beginning of our journey together, I had doubts, I admit. I myself was confused and afraid and it was a real challenge to help or advise someone else. But the longer we traveled together, the more my unconditional trust in you grew. I didn't care where I was or where I was going, because I was by your side. I was sure you would lead us, me, in the right direction. I want you to trust me in the same unconditional way now. I will stay by your side no matter what and do my best to help you regain your soul. I will help you to follow the right path. I will not abbandon you. I swear.
Esme smiled slightly and squeezed his hand.
-Thank you Anomen. I am glad that you are by my side, even if in my present state I am not able to express it properly. I will remember your words.
There was a brief silence. Anomen was eager to take Esme in her arms and kiss her. He missed her touch and closeness, but knew that would not be appropriate in present situation. He just brought both of her hands to his mouth and kissed softly.
-You know where to find me if you need anything- he whispered.
-Yes, I do. Thank you again- she replied- I'm going now to talk to the others, I have to apologize for lots of things.
Anomen merely nodded and smiled goodbye. When door closed, he leaned his back against it and sighed heavily. He reached to one of his pockets, took a tiny wooden box and opened it. The ring he wanted to give Esme and ask her to marry him safely waited for the right moment. As previously intended, he wanted to propose after saving Imoen and returning to Athkatla. Now, unfortunately situation has become complicated and his plans and their hopefully happy life together have been postponed to a distant, undefined future. Anomen closed the box and gripped it tightly in his hand. Everything will be fine, he believed it deeply. He was not going to give up.