Olivia Benson was no stranger to what your head spinning on a swivel felt like. But this was so dizzying she wanted to hurl. One second she had been driving towards a 10-13 call that came through her radio, and the next she was standing in the middle of the road face to face with Elliot Stabler. And now she was standing in a hospital lobby with Fin, and Elliot.

Elliot, who had apparently told Fin he would be back in the city for a meeting but had left out that he had planned on showing up at her award ceremony. Elliot, who she hadn't seen since 2011. Elliot, whose wife was in emergency surgery after being hurt in the blast of a car bomb, and whose nine year old daughter was barreling towards them with panic etched on her face, Amanda hot on her trail.

"Mom!" She cried out and Olivia ignored the lump in her throat as she crouched down for Amelia to land in her arms, the little girl just about crashing into her. "What happened? Who got hurt?" She said, her voice shaky. Olivia pulled back a little to run a hand over the side of her face, ignoring the fact that her father she'd never met was standing about a foot away.

"An old friend of mine got hurt, Amanda's going to take you home and I'll be there soon, okay?" She said and Amelia bit her lip, a frown tugging at her lips.

"I wish you got to get your award." She said and Olivia forced a smile, the sequins on the top of the dress they'd gotten her specifically for the ceremony glistening in the fluorescent hospital lights.

"I'll still get it, you and me can have our own ceremony at home and it'll be even better."

Amelia seemed to take that as an answer and hugged her mom one last time before letting Amanda shuffle her away. Olivia found it tempting to just stay crouched on the ground and not stand back up- which would result in her popping up right into the middle of the tension she could feel forming between Fin and Elliot. But she swallowed and stood, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jacket.

Before anyone could say anything, Kathleen and Dickie were pushing through the hospital lobby doors, Olivia relieved when they swept Elliot upstairs with them- though the look Fin was giving her didn't exactly make her feel better.

"You want me to drop you by the precinct before I talk to arson?" He said and she nodded curtly, following him out to the car.

It was uncomfortably silent in the cruiser for a minute, the way Fin kept glancing over at her like he didn't want to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room making her stomach lurch.

"If you're waiting for me to talk first, I don't even know what to say," She started when they pulled to a stop at a redlight.

"You gonna tell him about her while he's around?" He said and Olivia shifted her eyes to study the traffic passing outside the window.

"When Kathy gets out of the hospital they're probably going back to Rome," She said, a lump in her throat. The circumstances were less than ideal, but seeing him again was still seeing him again. Watching him go after being back for as long as it took for the sun to rise and set? She almost thought that might hurt worse than him leaving to begin with.

"And if she doesn't make it?" Fin said slowly, and Olivia didn't respond to that, dropping the back of her skull against the headrest and swallowing a sigh.

The rest of the journey was silent, getting into her office and shutting the door behind her a welcome reprieve. But she barely had time to breathe before he was at the precinct, at her precinct, losing his cool in her interrogation room. And then they were yelling at each other on the roof until Dickie pulled him away because Kathy had woken up. And Olivia went home, Amanda looking up from her phone on the couch when she walked in.

"Thank you for watching her," Olivia said quietly as she slipped her shoes off by the door, Amanda standing and grabbing her coat. "It's not a problem Liv, any updates?"

"Kathy's awake, but we haven't gotten far on the bomb." She said, running a hand through her hair. Amanda's eyes softened, her hand falling to the side of Olivia's arm.

"I'm a call away if you need anything, even if it's just to take Amelia off your hands for a night," She started, "And if you need to hear this from someone- whatever you decide to do about her and Stabler is the right decision. So no doubting yourself," She continued and laughed lightly when Olivia gave a small dry laugh in return. Easier said than done, that was.

Amanda had only found out a little over two years ago, when watching her cry in the hospital after Billie was born terrified of continuing to be a mom on her own broke Olivia's heart so much that she thought it might help if she told her.

Told her that Amelia wasn't the product of some one date lover who she ended on good terms with, but of one night with her old partner before he put his papers in and vanished before she could even tell him. Told her how terrified she was when she couldn't get ahold of him and thought she was going to be alone, only to figure out that wasn't really the case at all.

Her, Cragen, Munch, Fin and Alex were the only people who did know. Others had asked, but she'd lied to their faces. Made up an old friend from the academy who wasn't ready to be a father. She knew in her gut that not everyone bought it, especially the people who knew Stabler and could see his face in hers if they looked at the kid for longer than a minute. But they didn't push it, and that much she was grateful for.

After she'd hugged Amanda goodbye and seen her out she padded down the hallway to change into joggers and a sweatshirt before going back out to Amelia's room, slipping through the door quietly. The nine year old was clutching the stuffed monkey Cragen had brought to the hospital the day she was born tight to her chest, Olivia watching the rise and fall of her chest as she finally let the water that had been in her eyes for hours slip out. She wiped her face with the edge of her sleeve, and if she fell asleep that night sitting up against the wall in her daughters room well then that was their own little secret.

Elliot Stabler was nothing if not a runner. He ran away from New York, ran all over the globe running from New York, ran down the street when the car bomb went off, and had suddenly come to a screeching halt so fast he didn't know which way was up. Kathy was just there. Cracking jokes in the hospital when Olivia came to visit, talking about how she couldn't wait to get back to Rome.

And then she was gone, laying in a morgue somewhere as he tried to plan her funeral. Kathy was gone, and Olivia was...there. She'd rushed to the hospital as soon as he called. Hugged him tight and sat with him while he tried to get ahold of the kids.

And, she apparently had a daughter. Fin had mentioned her having a stable relationship with some man, and didn't give a name, but just based off of the short look he'd gotten at the little girl in the hospital he didn't think she could be older than seven. And whether it was right or not he'd been wracking his brain trying to figure out who her father could be.

Their ADA, Carisi, seemed close with Olivia, protective. But Fin and Amanda Rollins were even more protective and he had given up on either of them telling him anything. So surely it wouldn't hurt to try.

"How old is Liv's daughter, seven?" He said as he walked in lockstep with Carisi down the sidewalk outside One Hogan Place on the way to discuss Sacha Lenski over coffee.

"Turned nine in November. She's a tiny little thing cause' she was born a couple months early. Liv showed me this photo from when she was in the NICU, just about fit in the palms of her hands." He said casually, lips tugged into a small smile as he told the story, completely unaware that Elliot felt like the rug had just been pulled out from under him. He stopped walking, his chest constricting.

"Nine?"

Having turned nine in November had to mean she was born in November 2011, almost but not quite nine months after Jenna. After Olivia drove him back to her apartment after his interview with IAB. Held him as he cried over Jenna, over how much she reminded him of his own daughters. Cradled his face in her hands, leaned into him when his mouth, and body, found hers. Told him the next morning that that could never happen again and that she understood if he needed space, before he walked out her door and ran for ten years.

"You okay Detective?" He heard Carisi say but it went in one ear and out the other. Mumbling something about forgetting he had to pick Eli up from therapy, he made a phony grab at his phone, catching the way Carisi's face twisted in confusion as he speed walked away out of the corner of his eye.

Somehow, he made it to the 16th precinct in one piece, getting into the elevator and leaning his head against the wall, to take a moment to himself before he pressed the button for the 6th floor. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember the little girl from the brief glance had gotten at the hospital as the floor moved underneath him, the ding of the doors opening at SVU pulling him out of his head.

If the squad raised questions to him barreling in he didn't hear them, though he did hear the short gasp that left Olivia when how abruptly he entered her office startled her. She looked up, her forehead creasing when he damn near slammed the door shut behind him.

"Elliot," She started. "I said I'd call if I heard anything, but SVU was taken off the case," She continued, and the words Elliot had been holding in his head were tumbling out of his mouth with no preamble.

"She's mine, isn't she?"

::Author's Note::

well as the kids say, dun dun.

this was just a prologue, the actual chapters will be longer/more cohesive. and just a housekeeping thing: the if i heard your voice conversation/the letter/etc still exist. they're just gonna be a little different/moved around in this fic. i know canon divergence isn't everyone's thing, but it's mine and that's that that on that LOL

y'all know where to find me on twitter 3