"Ultra Imfirmitatibus Meis"

Chapter 8

"Brave on, little boy, lost in a gray fog. How long will you remain such, before they realize you're not coming back?" pt.1

Cassandra Anders could not contain her surprise when, just a few days after their first meeting when they all gathered to discuss how to best handle Eurus, the Holmes elders appeared on her doorstep.

She didn't remember giving them her address, and Mycroft assured her it was secured and under heavy surveillance since the Holmes sister's rampage.

Huffing in annoyance she assumed they must have asked their detective son for her location.

"Can I help you both with anything?" She asked coldly, fully prepared to call the police to get those people off her property if they become to bothersome. Her normally so kind and cheerful face was now a mask of indifference and barely hidden disgust, as she had no respect for Mycroft's parents whatsoever.

Violet seemed to shrink at her icy glare, still feeling the after effects of the one her eldest gave her not too long ago.

"We… wished to discuss something with you, Ms. Anders." She whispered, clutching her husband's arm like a life-line.

Cassandra's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"If it's about Eurus and her punishment, I'm afraid the decision has been made final and there is nothing I can do even if I wanted to." She then walked back a step in order to close the door in their faces. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a grandson that needs to be prepared for kindergarten."

But before she could excuse herself from their presence…

"Wait, Ms. Anders, please!" Siger suddenly placed his hand on the door, preventing it from closing. "It's not about Eurus!"

Cassandra raised an eyebrow in a perfect mimicry of her fox-haired charge.

"Is that so..." She started slowly, inviting them to continue.

The man just nodded, now determined to keep her interest.

"Sherlock said you've been a psychologist in your prime… is that true?"

Well… that's not what she was expecting at all.

"...and if it is?" She answered smoothly.

"Could..." Violet whispered, finally returning to the conversation. "Could you tell us what happened to Mycroft?" She finally looked up from staring at the doormat. "He's been… different, since Eurus came back to our lives."

'That is an understatement.' She thought with a snort. 'The poor boy's emotional stability has been crushed into dust, by the people he valued the most. I say it's a miracle he lasted as long as he did without experiencing a mental breakdown.'

Ms. Anders's eyes narrowed in anger.

"I'm afraid that what you're asking for, is classified information. One I can only share with the agreement of my client." She answered, voice calm and even, though her brown eyes betrayed the anger she felt. "And even if my doctor policy allowed me to give you the information you seek, I don't think you deserve to know."

They flinched at the harshness of her tone but otherwise remained determined to convince her.

"Please..." Violet Holmes looked deep into her eyes, unshed tears shining in them. "I just want to know what caused my son to change so much in such a short amount of time."

Despite her enormous grudge against those irresponsible parent, something in Cassandra softened at the scared and worried tone Violet's voice just took.

She sighed, shaking her head sadly.

"Oh Ms. Holmes where do I even begin..."

Cassandra led the couple into her living room so that they could make themselves comfortable, before leaving for her kitchen to make something hot to drink.

She knew that it was going to be a very long and painful conversation for the two of them, and a cup of nice calming tea might be just what they'll need to get through it.

All of them, herself included. As Mycroft became very dear to her in the short time they knew each other, and his past was something he confined in her, after a stern lecture about bottling one's emotions for an extended period of time. Telling his parents parts of his history that they were either too blind to notice happening before their very eyes or simply not pirvy to, felt like betraying the trust he bestowed her with.

'I'm sorry, Mycroft.' Cassandra thought, feeling guilty about what she was about to do. 'But maybe my words will make them see, what your actions alone, couldn't. Maybe when they hear what you've been through… what you've sacrificed to keep your family safe and whole, they'll realize how horribly they treated the amazing son they've been graced with.'

With a deep sigh she rejoined the couple in the living room.

After giving them each a cup of Earl Grey, she leaned back in her seat.

"I must admit that, though sudden, the change in your son's behavior has been long since foretold by the events he has partaken in throughout his life." The psychologist took a long sip from her own mug before continuing. "If you look at said events and how they would affect a human's psyche, it is truly a wonder he didn't undergo it sooner."

"You'll have to provide examples for us, Ms. Anders." Violet said, voice small and shaky. "Mycroft was never a very expressive person, even when he was a young child. We were never informed of every traumatizing thing that occurred while he was at work."

Cassandra Anders let out a sad chuckle and shook her head.

"But, Ms. Holmes… I'm not talking about his adult years, I'm talking about his childhood."

Both parents looked up, startled and shocked.

"What? But nothing ever-"

"How would you know?" Cassandra cut them off with an angry hiss. "You barely pay any attention to him now, why would him being younger change that?"

"He's our son!" Siger answered, raising his voice. "We raised him!"

"Did you really?" She glared at them. "I seem to remember the age of a human entering adulthood to be eighteen, not six!"

"What are you talking about?!" Now Violet was also screaming. "We supported him till he was old enough to get his first job in the Government! Which he was given at age 24!"

But Ms. Anders just laughed.

Look at those fools.

They really know nothing about their son.

Nothing at all.

They didn't know his childhood has been robbed from him, right under their noses.

That they let it happen with no hesitation… that they did nothing to stop it.

They don't know what he had seen, what he's been through…

Because Mycroft would not allow them, or anyone, to be burdened with his problems.

And it wasn't as if they would actually listen to him, even if he had tried to tell them.

They had their chance when they met him to discuss the reappearance of Eurus. Instead of owning up to their parental failures, they chose to place all of them on the one person who didn't deserve any of them. And now, that the results of that action have reared their ugly heads, they come to her for answers they could have gotten if they just listened, when Mycroft was desperate for them to understand all the reasons why.

Cassandra couldn't feel more disgusted with fellow human beings, if she tried.

"Please, Ms. Holmes, be honest with yourself." Cassandra shook her head at the distraught mother. "We all know Mycroft hasn't been under your care since his late uncle Rudolph took him for the first of the many 'trips'."

Violet spluttered.

"He has nothing to do with any-"

"Oh but he very much does, Ms. Holmes." Cassandra took another large sip of her cooling tea, before continuing to explain the situation to the clueless adults before her. "You see he's the starting point of the avalanche that crushed the boy you once knew. Everything that happened is because of what he taught your son."

The Holmes parents stared at her, speechless for a good few seconds, before finally speaking up once again.

"Rudolph was very… affectionate with Mycroft, that is true." Siger nodded his head slowly. "Even with Sherlock and Eurus already born, he barely even acknowledged them, preferring the company of our eldest over everyone else's." His gaze turned harder then. "But not only is he long dead, but also has nothing to do with how Mycroft is acting right now."

Cassandra Anders shook her head again.

"Tell me, Mr. Holmes..." She played around with her mug, not looking the younger man in the eyes. "Do you know what job your wife's older brother actually occupied?"

Violet frowned.

"He occupied the same place in the British Government, Mycroft does today." She looked up at Cassandra. "So I'm assuming it was a position in the department of defense."

The psychologist in the room barely contained her laughter.

It was horrifying how much they don't know about their own child, his mare occupation being only a vague guess to them.

But… as dreadful as that information is, nothing compares to the knowledge that they did nothing to change that.

They never sat the boy down and asked him to be honest with them, regardless of the danger the knowledge might put them in. Not in the recent years, and certainty not when he was making his first baby steps towards the amount of power and influence he now yields on a daily basis, all those years ago.

What did they ever do to deserve him, Cassandra Anders will never know.

Because in her eyes, they don't. At all.

"Again, your information is incomplete, Mr. and Ms. Holmes." She stated, leveling the pair with an even stare. "Your son doesn't just work for one department in our wonderful Government. He juggles all of them, everyday day of the week with little to no breaks, since the occupation became empty. Because he's both leader and guardian of the United Kingdom, can you imagine that? Every law you follow, every political problem our country faces, every crisis that suddenly gets resolved before it had the chance to properly wreak havoc.. .all this and more is monitored and controlled by your son." She then snorted. "And you never knew."

But Siger was already shaking his silver head.

"That… that's impossible." He stated, clearly in denial. "You're saying he alone controls a country but… that can't be true, there is no way one person can keep track of everything, that's why there is more than one department taking care of all this."

"And yet… your boy found a way to make that work." Cassandra smiled at the mention of the ginger haired man that she came to respect so much. "Aren't you proud of him, Siger?" She then scoffed and shook her head. "No… of course you're not. Why would you be? After all… he had kept that one secret from you. It didn't matter that he did it out of a strong desire to protect you from the truth, because he was worried sick you could not take it. No. What you cared about was that he still lied." She sighed. "Good intentions or bad, a lie is a lie." She then spoke with an amount of sarcasm that wasn't there before. "Why even bother with his side of the story?"

Both Violet and Siger grit their teeth.

"That doesn't excuse him." They hiss out.

"Why not?" Cassandra didn't miss a beat. "After all something as petty as ignorance excused you of all fault, when it comes to Eurus and her mental issues."

It was clear they both wanted to say something, but decided otherwise.

'What's wrong? Cat got your tongues?' She thought, sarcastically. 'Good.'

Though a small part of her wished they'd put up more of a fight, if only so she can knock them down harder.

"Moving on then," Cassandra was disappointed with the lack of liquid in her mug. "When exactly do you think he took over after your brother, Ms. Holmes?"

She seemed to be gazing at the ex-psychologist with suspicion shining in her eyes, before slowly answering.

"I already told you that, Ms. Anders." She sounded like a mother explaining something to a child for the millionth time, tone stiff and condescending. "Rudolph died when Mycroft was twenty-three, but my son didn't take over… leading the Government, as you were so kind to clear up a few moments ago, until he was twenty-nine." She blinked suddenly, her conviction suddenly dying. "At least… that is what's written in Mycroft's CV… by the Government."

Cassandra smiled.

'Would you look at that...' She thought sarcastically. 'She can learn.'

"Those are lies too, aren't they?" Violet asked, voice small and scared.

Ms. Anders didn't respond. Only stared at the younger woman, willing her to come to her own conclusions.

The Holmes mother swallowed thickly, her hand automatically reaching for Siger's arm.

"When..." She couldn't finish on the first try, her fear blocking her vocal cords. "When did Mycroft really take over from my brother?"

Cassandra debated whether or not they deserve to know, but ultimately she decided that, even if they didn't, the knowledge will help with fixing Mycroft's broken relationship with his parents.

She took a deep breath.

'Here it goes...'

"Your son took over Rudolph's position exactly twenty-four hours after he was assassinated by an opposing government." She paused. "Which happened a day before Mycroft's nineteenth birthday."

She watched as both of them freeze, realization hitting them like a ton of bricks. Facts and behaviors finally connecting together, making the bigger picture a bit more visible to the naked eye.

"That's… but he said… how?" Questions just began flowing from both Holmes parents, as they desperately tried to comprehend what has just been revealed to them.

'There.' Cassandra thought, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. 'Now they know. Let's see what they do with that knowledge.'

Siger looked pale… really, really pale.

"Oh God..." He whispered, eyes wide. "All this time we though he got consumed by law studies and that's why he no longer spent time with us and his siblings… while in fact he was struggling to keep England from falling apart on his watch…" The elder man looked up at the psychologist, eyes foggy and unseeing. "I… remember when we somehow convinced him to come home for winter break." Siger swallowed thickly. "He… was so stressed during those days, locking himself in his room the moment meals were over..." His eyes turned glassy and he blinked the tears away. "I… we teased him about it… rather mercilessly, thinking he's just worrying about his grades and upcoming exams. It simply didn't make sense at the time. Why would someone as smart as Mycroft be concerned about tests he can probably ace in his sleep?" He shook his head in shame. "That's mostly why everyone, including myself, was so angry when he announced he suddenly had to go back to school on Christmas Day..."

"This is ridiculous, Mycroft!" Siger screamed, throwing his arms in the air in sheer frustration.

"Father, please..." The young ginger pleaded, exhaustion and stress clear in both tone and his ice-blue eyes, as he rubbed at them with his right hand.

"How stupid do you think we are, boy?!" But the parent wasn't about to let this all go. "It's the beginning of school break! How can you be called to University already?!"

Mycroft sighed, clearly getting annoyed with where the conversation was going.

"This isn't up for debate." He said sternly. "I'm sorry that our time together is cut so painfully short, but this isn't something I can control!"

Siger looked disgusted.

"I can't believe you." The elder man hissed at his son. "Even after spending the majority of the year apart from us, you don't even have the decency to stay with your family for Christmas!"

The angry frown on the nineteen-year-old's face was the first warning the parent got that his, normally cool and collected, son was slowly losing his patience.

"What I can't believe is the fact that I have to repeat myself!" He all but blew up in Siger's face, the stress regarding the Government that has been thrust upon his shoulders prematurely, finally getting the better of him. "How hard is it to understand that this isn't something I can just ignore?!"

"Stop making up excuses to stay away from your family!"

"Stop making it look like this is something I do willingly!"

Before Siger had the time to respond, Mycroft's phone started ringing.

Immediately the teenager's hand rushed towards his jeans pocket, in order to fish out the inferior devise before it annoyed anyone else with it's ungodly screeching.

The second he saw who the caller is, a quiet curse escaped his mouth.

"Don't even think about it." Siger snarled, when he saw Mycroft move to answer the phone. "We're nowhere near done with this conversation."

The fox-haired youth swallowed the lump that suddenly formed inside his throat.

"I'm sorry..." He said, voice nearly drowned by his own ringtone. "But I have to take this call."

"Mycroft if you answer that phone-"

"Listen, I know you, mummy and Sherlock interpret this as me trying to get away from you all to focus on my studies." Mycroft ran a hand through his short, curly hair in order to calm his growing nerves. "That I probably got a colleague to ring me at this precise moment in time so that I have an excuse. And, truly, I cannot blame you from thinking that, as I've been quite… distant lately. But trust me when I say, the situation I'm in is not that simple!"

"Then explain yourself!" Violet decided to join the heated argument. "Tell you why it is impossible for you to spend Christmas with your loved-ones."

At that, the poor nineteen-year-old deflated, looking more exhausted than ever before. His shoulders slumped as if crushed under an enormous weight. One that he, not only has to bare alone, but also without being able to consult with anyone else.

"Believe me, there is nothing I want to do more." He whispered, honesty shining in his ice-blue eyes. "But I can't, I'm sorry." Mycroft looked deep into the similarly colored orbs of his parents. "You're going to have to trust me when I say this has nothing to do with my desire for solitude." The caller was already calling for the second time, clearly his patience has been tested enough.

Siger and Violet could see the plead in his eyes.

How much he wished they would just look back at him, and say 'we believe you, son'.

But the parents grew weary of all the secrecy.

"Go then, if you must." Siger spat out, looking at his son with cold fury that, he now knows, the boy did not deserve."But don't bother coming back."

He turned his back on Mycroft then, completely missing the shocked and pained expression that took residence on the young man's face.

Violet didn't say anything. Even when her son looked to her for intervention, the Holmes mother narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

She saw Mycroft swallow, the pained expression going down along with the saliva, leaving behind what will one day be called 'The Iceman Mask'.

"I… understand." He whispered, not trusting his voice to not betray him and crack. That said, he turned heel and left, phone already placed against his ear, muttering an apology to whoever was on the other side.

And then he was gone.

Unsurprisingly… he didn't come back.

Siger's eyes got misty again.

"Why?" He asked, tears running down his cheeks. "Why didn't we trust him, Violet? Where did all that mistrust come from? What did he ever do to deserve it? Yes, he had his secrets, but what kind of teenager doesn't? That knowledge alone does not justify our treatment of him that day." Siger shook his head. "Especially… especially since he was so supportive… so gentle and understanding towards us and Sherlock during our recovery from Eurus's 'death', becoming an anchor we all leaned on for months on end. He was so strong during those days, letting all of us cry on his shoulder, as he whispered reassurance into our ears until we calmed down... You won't believe how easy it was to just let him take care of us, and not the other way around..." Fear suddenly appeared in the man's blue orbs. "Did… did we ever… comfort him, Violet? He… he put on a brave facade but… he couldn't have been taking all this much better than Sherlock. Especially… especially since he was in on Rudy's secret..." He flinched, appalled by his earlier actions towards Mycroft. "How… How did it come to this?" The man then buried his head in his hands and started weeping.

Violet didn't have the answers to any of her husband's questions, so she just wrapped her arms around him and hugged Siger close.

Cassandra's eyes softened as the genuine regret could hear in the younger man's tone.

The blinders were off… and the naked truth glared back at the eldest Holmes, finally exposed in its entirety.

'They see what they did to him… only it's too little too late.' She thought shaking her head in grief, remembering how Mycroft's, usually so expressive, eyes were lifeless and dull, during their last meeting.

"So this…" The psychologist's attention snapped back towards the crying bundle as Violet's words. "is what happened to Myc..." The woman's voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear. "He tried so hard to make sure we all had proper care when facing hard times, didn't pay attention to the growing cracks in his own armor… He put up with our mistrust and neglect in favor of his younger brother and Sherlock's developing hatred for him, while simultaneously bending over backwards trying to live up to Rudolph's expectations as leader of the United Kingdom, all on his own with no one to ask for advice, for decades." Violet shook her head. "You were right, Ms. Anders."

"Oh?" Cassandra prompted, her small victory feeling hollow.

"It is a wonder he didn't crack under all of that sooner." Ms. Holmes added in a whisper. "Dear God… what have we done?"

"He was already standing over the cliff long before Eurus's return..." Cassandra responded kindly. "You two simply… delivered the final push."

They flinched at the metaphor, tightening their hug, desperate for comfort.

"How..." Siger finally looked up, though the tears never stopped flowing. "How do we help him? Make this right?" His blue eyes were shining with determination. "We let him shoulder all the responsibility and blame for far too long." Siger's strong hand enveloped Violet's fragile one. "I think it's high time we start acting like his parents."

His wife looked up at him and, after a few seconds, her own eyes began shining with determination.

She nodded her head, squeezing her husband's hand in return.

They then turned to Ms. Anders, waiting for her to show them how to achieve redemption in Mycroft's eyes.

But the ex-psychologist was shaking her head sadly, that simple movement snuffing out the tiny flame of hope that sparked in their hearts.

"You poor naive fools..." She whispered, though it lacked her earlier bite, voice now filled with nothing but grief. "Even if you apologize and promise to make it all up to him, it won't change a thing." A shaky breath left her chest.

"W-What do you mean?" Violet was now crying.

"Don't you see?" Cassandra asked, shaking her head again. "We're not dealing with Mycroft, anymore." She sighed. "You see, when you treat a caring older brother like he's the scum of the earth his entire life, regardless of his actual actions..." She then looked up at the terrified couple. "You can't really expect him to care once you finally realize your mistakes."

They continued to stare at her, shock and terror returning back on their faces.

"Mycroft Holmes created the 'Iceman' mask to protect those he loved from potential enemies, by pretending he doesn't care..." She paused. "Now, when everyone turned their backs on him… that mask swallowed him whole."

"Are you saying..." Siger swallowed. "That there is no way to fix it?"

Ms. Anders snickered, though there was no mirth in the action.

"Oh, Mr. Holmes… you misunderstand yet again." She shook her wise head. "I'm not saying you can't fix your failures in parenting..."

Her brown orbs met his blue eyes.

"I'm saying there is nothing left for you to fix."

AN: Hi everyone! I'm writing to tell you that, since I'm leaving for summer vacation, updates won't be as frequent as they have been. Worry not, however, as I don't plan on leaving you lot without entertainment ;) Since I enjoy exploring Mycroft's past in the timeline I created, I will be uploading short flashback-chapters to keep you from growing bored :)

Hope you enjoy the story so far!

Have a nice summer vacation!

Love

JulieArchery107