"Ultra Infirmitatibus Meis"
Chapter 10
"What's hidden beneath the ice: Guilt"
He was a mess.
A complete wreck of who he once was.
A shell with no life, walking among people who still had that light in them.
He laughed.
Oh how low he has fallen...
A rising star beat down before he was even close to reaching his peak.
Oh what an utter failure he turned out to be.
His name was undoubtedly cursed by his deceased relative, wherever he may now reside.
Rudy had such high hopes for him and yet...
How can he possibly lead this country, if he can't even prevent a simple assassination?
He shook his head, the motion making him dizzy.
'Even Sherlock could predict something so primitive.'
It was clear now that the position was never meant for him to hold.
No matter how hard he tried… it didn't work.
He just...
Couldn't seem to be able to do it.
For the last week he wasn't able to sleep. Eating anything made his insides cause an uproar.
Even his greatest pride, his mind, has betrayed him.
He couldn't even think properly.
It was all so sudden and he… wasn't ready. He wasn't expecting his uncle to die before he reached the age of twenty...
Oh, he knew it would happen eventually, only a fool would believe otherwise.
Just as he knew the same fate awaits him, when the time comes.
Mycroft was aware that attempts on his uncle's life were quite likely to happen...
He just never expected his uncle to get gunned down in an allied area.
He didn't expect a sniper...
He didn't expect an instant death...
He didn't expect to have to welcome the burden just yet...
He allowed his awareness to be lulled into a false sense of security, a delusion of safety, when Rudolph left for the meeting... And now he was facing the consequences.
During his first day in the 'job' all he could do was stare at the door, waiting for the man who will never come, to greet him.
Without proper nutrition, even his mind became sluggish and half-aware, body relying on muscle memory to get him through the day.
'It was my fault.' His treacherous brain whispered. 'I should have known this would happen.'
He was barely aware of his right hand moving towards the pen, while his other one pulled up another file.
'This had to be telegraphed in some way...' With no one and nothing there to distract him, the boy continued to poison his mind with undeserved guilt. 'An attack like that couldn't have been improvised...'
He heard a door open but didn't bother looking up to check who that was.
'I should have seen it coming...'
A silhouette appeared in the corner of his vision but he couldn't care less.
If he was useless enough to let his superior get killed, he might as well pay the price for that treachery.
'I should have saved him...'
The pen in his hand snapped under the pressure he put on it.
'Taken his place...'
The paper crumbled when his fingers curled into a fist.
'Done something!'
His mind was screaming that the figure is getting closer now, but he ignored the warnings.
'Let him come.' Mycroft thought with a bitter smile. 'Let him fire that gun he's hiding in his breast pocket.' He loosened his grip on the items he violated. 'Let him rid the world of it's greatest failure.'
As the man drew near, all the boy could say was:
"Not in the head, please."
He blinked, trying to clear his head of the sudden fog that obscured his thinking process, as the Queen formally accepted him into his rank.
'They saved me.'
"By the power vested in me I hereby name you, Mycroft Magnus Holmes, the successor to the position of Guide and Protector of England."
A scepter touched his right shoulder then moved to his right one.
But he wasn't even paying attention.
'They managed to save me...'
He was so close… so close to atoning for his sins, to ridding his beloved country of his cursed fingers...
The assassin's gun was already pressed against his chest...
All it would take was a single pull of the trigger...
'But they saved me...'
"Rise, Young One, and join your place in the circle."
'Why do you still want me, My Queen?' Icy Blue eyes looked up at the elderly lady from where their owner was kneeling.
'I can't even die properly'