A/N: I can't express how thrilled I am that there are still so many (active) readers on FF and AO3 who welcomed this story so much. Thank you for your encouraging words. This story is exciting to me. I noticed the mixed reviews the last chapter got regarding Will's outburst and the idea of him possibly moving to New York. I get those responses and I've adjusted this chapter just a little bit to, hopefully, give you some more insight in the struggles that I believe he's facing. Also, small spoiler alert, next chapter things will start moving forward in a positive way, I promise. Lastly, I know updates are slowing down and I hate it with all my heart, but my job is killing me at the moment... Sorry, don't give up on me!
Summary: Will & Alicia, set mid Season 5: "How can I not be happy you're divorcing him, Alicia? You know that's all I ever hoped for." There it is, that brutal honesty that only he can afford. Heart wide open. It's what she's always admired most about him, mostly because she doesn't possess that same quality.

Scandal

Part 3.

Burned Bridges

Will intends to keep his promise, but things never quiet down. On the contrary, the days following the publication of the photos leads to complete mayhem at his firm. Will quickly learns that he wasn't being paranoid. Diane did meet with Canning, and it wasn't a one time thing. He and Diane never talk about it. He tries to, comes into her office the morning after her first meeting with Canning. He urges her to talk, to work things out together. But all she says, sitting behind her desk, is "Will, I want to support you, but you know I can't. Not again. The sacrifices I've made—," but Will cuts her off."Don't," he says. He doesn't want to hear her say it, the message is painfully clear. Diane falls silent, they look at each other, then he tells her "Let's stop right here," and leaves her office. Diane tries calling him several times since, but Will doesn't pick up. It feels like a break up to Will, their professional separation, the type where it works best for each party to take a step back and let each other go. The type of break-up that leaves him grim, lacklustre and makes his appetite disappear.

Within a matter of days, the executive board votes him out and then the full board votes him out, too. He spends his days reaching out to other firms in Chicago, but nothing leads to an opportunity that could even be remotely close to the position he had at Lockhart/Gardner. At first, he thinks it's because he truly is damaged goods and no one's interested to work with him, but he soon realises that's not the sole reason he isn't succeeding. He lacks the drive to fight for himself within his Chicago network. He's not making the most out of every conversation, not trying hard enough. Maybe this city has, finally, burned him out. Maybe negatives don't always multiply to positives, not endlessly at least. Maybe it's game over. Time to move on.

/ / /

Alicia's shocked to hear about Lockhart/Canning and wonders how Will's doing, but finds no time to reach out in that first week following the scandal. She's desperately trying to hold her own firm together and it's not an easy task. Cary's getting so distrustful that he makes Alicia swear she's not planning to start a firm with Will. Her clients demand meetings but somehow aren't as unforgiving as Will's clients were. Robyn told her he's lost a total of seven major clients. She's only lost one. Why the scandal is affecting her less professionally is a mystery to her. Maybe people sympathise more with her situation, after everything that happened five years ago. Maybe she has less on her rap sheet than Will does. Maybe her decision to divorce the governor of Illinois is seen as a strong, feminist statement. But Alicia can't be bothered to overanalyse the situation because all her focus needs to go to winning back Cary's trust, managing the divorce and most importantly, being there for her children.

The second week, the photo of her and Will in his car that election night still hasn't found its way to the press. They kept their promise, her exclusive statement successfully held it off. Eli warned her to stay cautious, the photo still exists and it could come back to haunt her any second. She tells Eli nothing happened in the car, simply to calm Eli's nerves. She'll handle the consequences of that lie if it's ever necessary. But for now, she can move on. Move on with her life, move on with her divorce. The latter is already turning into a nasty, stressful process that's keeping her up at night, but it's a small price to pay for the weight that finally has been lifted off her shoulders. Alicia feels like her own, independent self again. It's empowered her, publicly separating from Peter and with that, leaving a chapter behind she's been eager to close for far too long.

Meanwhile, she thinks she'll talk to Will when the time is right, but the third week passes and her phone buzzes a million times, but the screen never leaves a notification from Will Gardner. She call him one day, but he doesn't pick up. Later that evening, she gets a text from him that reads:

Alicia, can we talk somewhere tomorrow? I won't be in town for a while. If we can't meet today, I don't know when we can. I'm sorry.

But she'll be in court the next day and both Zach and Grace will be home for dinner. So she tries calling him and then texts him back that she can't, not tonight, but that she understands he needs some time away and that they'll talk when he's back. He doesn't answer that.

In court the next morning, Alicia's surprised when Kalinda finds her in court and walks up to her during recess. She the one who tells her Will's permanently leaving for New York the next morning. Alicia's so struck by that news that she can't find the words to respond to that. Kalinda tells her he's throwing a small goodbye party in a cafe close to his apartment. She says that if she wants to see him, she should show up because everything else is a mess in his life and even she can barely get a hold of him.

"But why?" Alicia finally manages to get over her lips. Kalinda answers in her typical cryptic way, "Business. A lot has happened these past two weeks, Alicia." She doesn't know if Kalinda's blaming her for that, but with recess ending in a second, there's no time to get into that. "I'll text you the address," Kalinda adds and leaves the courtroom.

/ / /

That evening, Alicia desperately tries to show interest in both her children but her mind keeps floating off to the news that Will is leaving Chicago. She thinks back to that afternoon at Owen's apartment, how annoyed he was about the news she'd divorce Peter. Wasn't that a good thing? Yes, of course, she could have divorced him sooner, she could have done so many different things, but you can't go back and change the past. He should understand that. Either way, she can't imagine not seeing Will before he leaves. And he's the one who reached out. So even though she isn't invited, even though it seems like a terrible idea, the lack of an alternative barely leaves her any choice.

Zach and Grace both notice that she's not fully present while they're watching a movie together. In the end, Alicia makes up an excuse that it's something with work and that she needs to go back into her office for about an hour or two. They willingly accept it, both distracted by their own phones, anyways.

/ / /

At around ten o'clock in the evening, Alicia finds herself on a deserted street nearby Will's apartment, staring through a cafe window that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. She checks the address Kalinda texted her, but she's at the right location. She takes a deep breath, opens the door and takes a step inside. She sees Will immediately, standing at the bar, engaged in laughter and loud conversations with the men surrounding him. Alicia couldn't feel more out of place. She's never met his friends, she wasn't invited and she isn't here to party. She's here to talk to him, but she's regretting it already. This is not the right time.

/ / /

From the corner of his eye, Will spots a woman entering the cafe. Out of curiosity he looks up to see if it's someone he knows, but when he sees it's Alicia, he almost chokes in the beer he's drinking. It's an absurd scene, seeing her there. She looks so out of place, wearing her expensive looking black coat in the middle of the local dive bar where he's been meeting his friends for the past decade. She looks stunning, as she always does. It brings a smile to his face. She smiles back, a little embarrassed.

He leaves his beer glass on the bar and heads over to her. His friends haven't noticed her yet, too busy sharing anecdotes and debating politics.

"Hey," he says. "This is an unexpected surprise."

"I know. I'm sorry for showing up here like this," Alicia apologises in a whisper. "I—" She stops talking when she sees his friends have now fallen silent, clearly aware that Will's talking to her, the culprit of it all. Will notices it, too.

"Come on, let's talk outside," he tells her gently and grabs his coat.

/ / /

"Kalinda told me," Alicia explains hastily once they're alone on the cold and dark street. "I didn't intend to barge in on your friends like this—"

"Alicia, it's okay, you didn't," he quickly says. "I wanted to see you."

There's a brief silence and Alicia's expression slowly turns darker.

"So, you're leaving Chicago?"

Hearing her say it out loud somehow makes it more real. A feeling of guilt tightens his chest. Will nods slowly and stares back at her, his lips pressed together into a thin line.

"I tried to stay," he says, feeling the need to justify his decision. "But it turns out I've burned all my bridges here."

"Diane was wrong to push you out," she answers and the look in her eyes softens a little bit.

"Yeah, well. I lost us seven clients," he answers. He shakes his head and scoffs at what he just said. "Seven…"

Alicia studies Will for a moment. With his hair a little messy and the slight stubble beard, he looks exactly like she remembers him from their moments together. More human, less powerhouse. She's always enjoyed seeing him like that. Somehow, she finds him more attractive in this leather jacket and jeans than when he's wearing a suit. Perhaps it's more exclusive, more intimate.

"You said you wanted to talk?" She asks him. "I assumed there'd be time later. Clearly, there isn't."

Will can tell she's hurting and it shows in the way she pronounces every word. "Yes. I'd like that," he answers. "Can we go for a walk?"

Alicia throws another glance inside the cafe. His friends have found their way back to the bar. "You can't leave your own party."

"For you, I can. They won't miss me one round. Walk with me. You'll get cold standing here like this."

/ / /

So they walk and Will tells her about Aaron Zucker, who Alicia remembers from Georgetown. He'd reached out to him a month ago, asking Will if he'd be interested to switch states and join his firm as a name partner. He politely declined at the time, practically forgot about it in the aftermath of the shooting, but once everything imploded, Will called him back and it appeared the offer was still standing, provided he could start as soon as possible. Alicia listens to the story, quietly, trying her best to process how real all of this is. How settled he seems on his decision. I's not a panic move. This is really going to happen.

"When did you decide all this?"

Will sighs. "I don't know. I didn't, I think. I walked through the only door that opened."

"I have a hard time believing it's the only door."

He shrugs. "I need a fresh start. Too much has happened here. Too many negatives."

Alicia stops in her steps. "Do you blame me for what happened?"

Will turns around to face her. "No. It's not about blame."

"Then what it is about? You're unhappy I'm divorcing Peter? I don't understand that."

"How can I not be happy you're divorcing him, Alicia? You know that's all I ever hoped for." There it is, that brutal honesty that only he can afford. Heart wide open. It's what she's always admired most about him, mostly because she doesn't possess that same quality.

But she sees the muscle in his jaw clenching and then he adds, "Still, I can't help but wonder why it wasn't a serious option before. I keep thinking…" He shakes his head. "Never mind. No use talking about the past."

"You keep thinking what?" Alicia presses.

He breaks eye contact for a moment, swallows hard and then looks back at her. "That election night, you told me you couldn't figure your way out. And I offered you to talk, make a plan. I was serious, back then. I wanted to move forward. Why can you only do it now?"

Alicia didn't expect him to say all that. His sudden vulnerability brings up emotions she wasn't planning to feel. She now understands why he was so hurt that afternoon. And he's right. She's fantasised about divorcing Peter for many years, even threatened Peter with it, but she never pushed through. He offered her a lifeline and she didn't take it.

"I guess I was too afraid," she says softly.

Will frowns at that with dark, sad eyes that pierce straight into her soul. Why are they such a tragedy? Why is everything he feels for her always so conflicted? He's been so angry at her this last year, and so in love, too. He let his personal feelings for her interfere with, what should have been, a purely professional response to her leaving. But he couldn't control himself. He'll yell at her, pour his heart out, but in the end, it never changes anything. His relentless love for her is exhausting him, and it's only leading to bad and worse decisions.

"I know," he answers. "Again, I don't blame you. And it doesn't matter now. It is what it is."

Alicia looks up to the dark, black and blue night sky above their heads. She knows this isn't going to get them anywhere. And what does she want to achieve exactly? His decision has been made, he's leaving. Even though she's here. Even though they reconnected. But it's not enough, apparently. How the tables have turned.

"That morning at your place, was that real to you?"Alicia asks.

"Of course. It's always been real," he answers. "All these years. And that's the sad part, isn't it?"

"So that's it? We'll always be bad timing?"

"I don't want that to be true. But I think I now get what you meant when you ended us, telling me that it was too much. Now I'm the one who can't. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," she mumbles numb and looks around the street. "I think I should go," she announces, because what else is there left to say? "You should go back to your party, too."

/ / /

"That's my car," Alicia says. They're only a few feet away from the cafe.

"Oh," Will says and stops in his tracks. He doesn't want the moment to end, being here with her, even though he just told her he can't be with her. Why is it all so conflicting?

Neither of them know what to say. In the awkward silence, Alicia takes out her car keys. The loud beep of the car unlocking echoes loudly through the street, announcing it's time to say goodbye.

She looks at Will, he stares back at her with that sad frown that has been there this whole evening.

"I will miss you," he says and swallows away the lump in his throat. "I mean that," he adds hoarsely.

There's something so honest and pure about that confession that it makes Alicia break.

"I can't imagine not seeing you," she admits, her eyes filling up with tears. She manages to blinks them away but Will has noticed them already.

"Come here," he says and pulls her into his arms. She willingly lets him hold her, buries her face in her neck, rubbing her cheek agains this neck. Driving back that evening, the faint scent of his cologne will still linger on her skin.

Holding her like that makes Will doubt everything he set in motion these past days. She'd be the reason to stay. Perhaps she should be.

"Don't be a stranger," she whispers in his ear.

"I won't be. I promise."

She nods against his neck. He can hear her sniffle and it's making him tear up as well. He holds her tighter.

"You know the ABA conference is back in New York, three, four months from now. Will I see you there? I heard there's this burger joint across the street."

She chuckles through her sadness and it makes him smile, too. "I'll try," she whispers.

He pulls back and looks at her, how her eyes dance across his face. And he means to kiss her cheek,

and he does, but he can't help himself. The scent of her, the warmth of her cheek against his lips draws him back in. He kisses her lips, lightly at first. She gasps in response, but quickly adjusts and places her cold hand on his jaw, bringing him closer. She opens her mouth, allowing him access. He takes her other hand in his, holds it against his chest, their kiss deepens and he closes his eyes.

When he's with her, when they're this close, everything else always disappears. Life seems so much more bearable, so much lighter. But he knows the real world is waiting for him to step away, ready to swallow him whole. Why can't she be a part of it? When did this city become nothing but a negative? He rubs his thumb over her cheek, kisses her one last time and then slowly lets go, allowing him to look in her eyes again. He can tell her tears are about to make a reappearance.

"You'll be okay," he tells her.

"Will you?"

"Yes," he says determined, but it's a bit of a bluff. "I need some time and a fresh start, that's all."

She pushes a weak smile over her lips. "Go back to your friends, you're at least two beers behind."

"You're right, I should. Good night."

"Good night. Enjoy the party. And good luck in New York."

"Thank you," he says and turns around, about to cross the street. "Will?" He hears and it makes him turn back to her.

"What did your really say?" Alicia asks, still standing in the same spot. "In that second voicemail?"

That I loved you, he thinks. Probably ever since Georgetown. He'll always remember the exact words because he said them out loud, to his own reflection in the massive windows of his office. It was a confession. But he can't possibly tell her that right now, it wouldn't be fair.

"Is that still on your mind?" He asks, trying to sound as if he barely knows what she's getting at.

She shrugs. "It is now."

"It was nothing special, don't worry about it," he smiles. "It's a long time ago, too. Good night Alicia, take care."

"You too," she nods.

He looks at her one last time and offers her a loving smile. "Go," he encourages her, and she steps in her car. Then he turns back around a second time and hurries across the street. He feels a tear trickling down his cheek. Man up, he tells himself, and roughly wipes his cheek dry. Maybe he loves her too much. Maybe there's no denying it.

Thank you for reading. Do let me know how you feel about this chapter, especially those of you who were a bit unsure where this is going. I hope I haven't lost you! I'm excited for what's to come, Hannah.

Preview for next chapter: We skip ahead a few months in time and Will and Alicia see each other at the ABA conference, and things start looking up.