A/N: Ok, that took too long guys, I apologize. My job is hectic, it was a lot easier writing as a student than it is as an adult now, lol. Do hope you enjoy this positive chapter! Especially for everyone who was a bit disappointed by the angst in part 2 and 3, I hope this makes up for it.
Summary: Will & Alicia, set mid Season 5: If you'd ask Will what the hotel room looks like, he wouldn't be able to tell you. He's too consumed by Alicia to take it in, distracted by how she feels and tastes. Like the past and the future combined, like Chicago, like evenings in his dorm at Georgetown, like wine and whiskey and nostalgia.
Warning: This chapter contains M-rated parts, I've indicated below where it starts (end of the chapter).
Scandal
Part 4.
New York, New York
Maybe the issue Will Gardner has finally resolved itself and his sudden departure is something Alicia should rejoice in. She'll never again have to deal with that feeling of her stomach clenching whenever she sees him enter a room, or how her breathing always stutters when he looks at her. So Alicia desperately tries to see his move as nothing more than a solution to one of the biggest problems in her life.
But it doesn't come easy. She misses him. Now that he's gone, she learns that she lived for all those small moments they'd have together. She misses being able to hold on to the hope of just maybe running in to him, get a smile out of him, win from him in court or have any other interaction with him that might turn into a bodily touch. Now there was none of that.
Difficult months pass, where the excitement of running her own firm is starting to wear down, where her children are turning into complex adults with each their own set of problems, and she can't help but wonder if they were caused by how they were raised or by the situation their parents had put them in these last couple of years.
Occasionally, and much to her own embarrassment, she finds herself looking up the website of Will's new firm. She'll click through to the partners page, stare at his photograph and read his short bio, the word 'Georgetown' always burning off the screen. And below that, there's his e-mail address. He isn't as out of reach as she pretends him to be.
She's clicked it several times, prompting an empty e-mail message on her phone, but she never pushes through. She's hurt, still, by how it all went down. Even though she's perfectly aware that he's never rejected her before and that she's the one who always held back. And she also knows that it's unfair to see his move to New York as nothing but a rejection. He was forced out, she sees that now. But it doesn't change the fact she misses him. Terribly.
/ / /
Will loves how New York enables him to reinvent himself. He feels at home in his new firm, with its youthful team and flat management structure. The rhythm here is different than Chicago. Less politics, more money. More women. He's having fun and it's liberating to no longer be a part of Chicago's inner circle. It's a similar feeling to when he first moved out to Georgetown, away from his parents and the people who had seen him grow up, allowing him to present a new version of himself, a new identity.
He made the right decision at the right time, but it came at a price and Will's still paying it. Because she isn't here. With leaving Chicago, he also left her. But she'd become an all deciding force in his life and it was an unhealthy situation. It was one thing to love her with every cell in his body, but another to suffer a scandal and another damaged reputation for that very same love. He couldn't do that anymore.
But it doesn't mean he forgets about her. Those first weeks, she's on his mind on a daily basis. He'll scroll back to the few photos he took of her during their affair, look at them and think about calling but he never does. Slowly, the thoughts become less frequent. Once a week, maybe even less than that.
But she's never fully gone. She lingers, in his mind, in court occasionally. There's one night when a woman he meets invites him over to a hotel room and suggests to watch the stars together, and all he can thinks about is Alicia, how she was sitting on his lap that one evening, telling him this was the happiest she's ever been. And he realizes he was, too.
/ / /
Alicia's in a dreadful staff meeting when her phone screen draws her attention to a message notification. Her mouth falls open when she sees the sender. Will.
Will you be at the conference this weekend? If you are, I'd like to invite your for dinner. Or drinks. If you're up for it. W.
Breathless, she reads it again. It's written with a frankness that is so typically Will.
"Alicia?" She looks up from her phone. Cary calls her out from across the room. "The Bennett case?"
"Sorry, yes," she hastily replies and puts away her phone. She replies later that evening, telling him that yes, she will be there and that dinner sounds great.
/ / /
It's a Thursday afternoon, the first day of the conference. After attending his third lecture, Will still hasn't seen Alicia anywhere. They're supposed to meet in three hours. But where is she? Is she even here? They briefly texted two weeks ago and he just assumed he would bump into her somewhere today. But what if something came up? It wouldn't be the first time that her life comes between them or that her priorities have, once again, shifted. Or what if she simply changed her mind about his invitation? He imagines that she responded to him in an impulse, sitting on her couch with a glass of red wine, not thinking it through. And then waking up the next day and realising she made a mistake. Would she really never let him know, thinking the message will come across by simply not showing up?
God, she's in his mind. Again. Or still, because when wasn't she? It frustrates him that the thought of her is distracting himself from this afternoon. He gets himself a coffee and tries to mingle, distracting himself from the urge to scan every inch of the room until he's spotted her. She'll show up.
/ / /
Alicia doesn't know if she sees it right. Is the man with the short trimmed hair standing a few feet away from her really Will? She takes a few steps towards him but waits until he turns around. Maybe she saw it wrong. But then the man turns his face and it's him. His eyes fall on her, brief smile, surprised, twinkling eyes. Her heart jumps.
"Hi," she smiles, taking in his new look. The photo she's been staring at for the last couple months is clearly outdated.
"Alicia, hey, you're here." He sounds relieved, as if he's been waiting for her. Has he?
"I am. How are you?"
"Honestly? Bored to death."
She chuckles. "It's a very…" she looks around the room and back to him. "Strenuous program, this year."
"They'll never be able to top last year's keynote speech."
"Shame no one was there to see it."
"Couldn't hurt giving it a second go. I'd attend," he grins and she smiles back in return.
There's a brief silence. They're flirting, they both know it. This casual conversation is a safe zone, a path they both consciously choose to walk, at least for now. This isn't the time to get into feelings or emotions, or to call each other out for their responses, whether it's intended as flirting or not.
"We'll see each other tonight?" Alicia breaks the silence.
Will nods. "Around seven in front of the hotel, does that work?"
"Perfect," she answers. "See you then," and she turns back into the crowd.
/ / /
Three hours later, Alicia meets Will outside. "So, shall we?" She says and points at the burger joint across the street.
"Yeah, we're not doing that," Will says. "Come on, I know a place."
He takes her to a small Italian wine bar. It's nothing too formal, full of all sorts of New Yorkers hanging out, but there's a certain quality, a decadence to the place that makes Alicia feel better about her decision to wear her blue dress. She'd been going back and forth between that dress and a more casual outfit of jeans and a blouse, unsure what the mood should be tonight, or what mood she'd want the evening to be.
There's no menu, but Will tells her he knows what to order and within ten minutes, there's a bottle of red wine on the table along with a spread of small dishes. It should be the perfect setup for an evening of catching up, exploring each others feelings and experiences, but it's not that easy. They both need to readjust, recalibrate. During their walk over to the restaurant, they only talked about the city, the conference and lawyers they both know. They, still, remained within their safe zone. And they should get out of it, if this evening is supposed to lead to anything. Alicia still doesn't know what that should be.
They toast, to new beginnings and to New York. Once Alicia's tasted her wine she sits back in her chair and observes Will as he takes some food.
"This is rare," she says.
He looks up from his plate. "What is?"
"This," she gestures at him and the table. "Us, sitting in a restaurant. Talking."
He smiles in response. "I know. How many times did we say we would?"
"Countless times."
"The intention was always there," he shrugs and takes a bite.
"It was." His intention, to be exact. His initiative. It had always been from his side. That one time, that first time, she didn't even show up. She didn't intend to let him down, it was Peter and his ankle monitor that forced her to stay, but their history shows that intention isn't getting them much further. Alicia drinks from her wine, wondering why she was so upset when he left. She had all right to be, but didn't he offer her his hand countless times before? Didn't he make it clear enough that he wanted her all along? Perhaps him leaving was his strongest move to date, because now she'd been able to feel what life was like without him. Turns out he is more than a luxury to her, he's a necessity.
"We did this once before," Will says, pulling Alicia away from her thoughts. "Remember? When we came here for Ashbaugh. We had dinner then."
"Right," Alicia nods. A silence falls. She remembers how they used every second of their precious time alone to finally be able to touch each other, hold each other without having to be weary about their surroundings. They'd behaved like teenage lovers who are able to spend time alone in a room for the first time. It feels like another lifetime ago, that weekend in New York.
"Are you okay?" Will asks her. "You look distracted."
She offers him a smile and drinks her wine. "Sorry, no, I'm fine. I keep thinking about the past and I shouldn't."
He smiles wryly in return. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to meet me. With the way I left things."
"Of course I wanted to see you. I don't blame you for leaving," she says, tracing the rim of her glass with her fingers. "It was just…," she sighs deeply. "… A lot of emotions in a short amount of time."
He nods. "I felt ambushed."
"We were."
"In many ways," he adds and looks up to her. "By the shooting, that photo, you, Diane shamelessly pushing me out—"
Alicia puts her hand on top of his. "—Will, I know. It was too much."
He looks at her hand on his, rubs his thumb over her palm and then looks up to find her eyes. "Will it always be? With us?"
"I don't think it has to be," she says quietly.
The waiter passes by to refill their glasses and Will asks him if they have any new dishes to try, bringing in an end to the conversation they were having. Once the waiter walks off to order them a Melanzane, Will asks her how the past months have been for her. Alicia tells him about her children, how it's difficult to grasp who they're becoming sometimes. She's honest about her struggles with Cary and the new firm. In turn, he tells her about his new firm and how he enjoys running in Central Park every Sunday morning.
Their conversations flows with an ease they both didn't see coming when they sat down at their table an hour ago. It ignites something between them, a spark that's been laying low for much too long. For Will, it brings up emotions and feelings he'd almost forgot about these past months. But now that she's sitting in front of him, she has a way about her that draws him towards her, that makes him want to drown in her eyes and hold her tight. He's missed her so much. Being together like this reminds him of how they were during their affair. It reminds him of that morning in his apartment, hours before it all imploded. It reminds him of his love for her.
/
"So I got to ask, when you did you decide to cut it all off?" Alicia asks after their third glass of wine.
He grins. "You don't like it?" He brushes over his short hair. "It's very practical."
"Part of starting fresh?"
"Yep, whole new me."
"So tell me," Alicia leans forward and rests her elbows on the table. "Who's Will 2.0?"
"Ha," he laughs and thinks about how to answer her question. "A lot like the Will you know, I hope."
"New York gave you the fresh start you needed?"
"Is it ever? A fresh start? With a move like this, you believe you'll be a whole new person. You think you'll lose bad habits, start new ones… But in the end, you are who you are."
"I believe people can change."
"Sure. But you can't change it all."
"You changed your environment. Why change you?"
Will shrugs and leans back in his chair. "I was restless. Agitated…"
"Burned out?"
"A little, yes," he confesses. "Maybe I thought that letting it all go…" - he almost says 'you go', but doesn't - "…that it would make me want different things. But it appears I don't."
"So what is you want?" She asks. He's getting awfully cryptic.
The look in his eyes shifts to something much more vulnerable than before. "This. Talking to you, without having to feel like I need to hold back."
Alicia's eyes turn softer. "Yeah, it's nice," she says.
"Or you having to hold back," he adds with a telling look in his eyes. Alicia nods quietly, knowing that he's right. She's still holding back and he can sense it. She's guarded. Distanced. Still hurt from how it all went down, but also testing the waters because she knows she still loves him. If she wasn't sure before, she is now.
/ / /
She tells him he doesn't have to walk her back to the hotel but Will insists and so they walk back together whilst he tells her about Manhattan and what he does and doesn't like about it. He casually asks her if she's staying one more night and she tells him that yes, she'll be there tomorrow, too. He thinks a little about what that means and if it could mean anything for them.
They arrive at the hotel in what feels like seconds. Alicia looks at the entrance doors, then back at Will and sighs.
"What?" He asks her.
"Is this it?"
"Do you want it to be?"
"I'm not the one who needed a break," she answers with a glimmer in her eyes that tells him she's flirting.
"I've had my break," he says, looking straight in her eyes. "I want to spend more time together," he continues without hesitation. "Talk more. No miscommunication."
She stares in his brown eyes, losing herself in her own emotions, debating whether to propose a drink tonight or let it go. She's still adjusting. He was right, something within her is making her hold back.
"Can we do that tomorrow evening?" She tries, unsure whether that disappoints him.
"We can." He suppresses a smile. Good, no disappointment.
"Great," he says.
There's a weird silence and the whole situation makes her laugh out loud. "Are we being weird?"
"I think so" he grins.
"It's me isn't it?"
He shrugs, takes a step back. "You need some time. I get that."
"We'll talk tomorrow?"
He nods. "I'll be at closing reception. We'll have a drink there?"
"Sounds good."
"Okay then," he takes another step back. "Good night Alicia."
"Good night Will," she smiles and then turns around, back to the hotel.
/ / /
Despite the cold of New York's streets, Alicia heads back in feeling all warm inside. There was a certain vibe between the two of them tonight, a comfort that feels like a warm blanket hugging her close. A feeling she's missed, ever since that last hug in Chicago that night. She can't help but smile as she walks back to her hotel room, undeniably over the moon that she's seen him again.
/ / /
They don't see much of each other the next day, but whenever they bump into each other, there's a playfulness in the way Will looks at her that's distracting her from every discussion or seminar she's attending. It's arousing her too, the way his eyes keep meeting hers. She's eager to see him without anyone watching and she barely remembers why she held back last night.
/ / /
At the reception, Alicia finds Will at a bar talking to an elderly man who she assumes might be a potential client for him. Will gives her an apologetic look, clearly unable to cut off the conversation anytime soon. She has a drink with a fellow Georgetown alumni, all the while checking whether or not Will's already free. When the guy finally does leave, Will covertly hints at the now empty bar stool next to him. It's almost impolite how quickly she cuts off her own conversation.
"Are we playing hard to get?" Alicia says as she sits down next to him.
"I know. I'm sorry. He's the most boring, long-winded man I've ever had to talk to."
"So why did you?"
"Happens to be one of the top real-estate moguls New York City has to offer."
"I see," she answers and looks for the bartender, who seems more focused on his phone than on the people eager to order drinks.
"Took me ten minutes to order us a drink earlier," Will says. "Good luck with that."
Alicia throws him a look. "Watch and learn." She leans forward on the bar, plays with her hair and smiles at the bartender the moment he looks their way. He comes over immediately and Alicia orders them both a whiskey.
"Voila," she says with a triumphant smile.
"God, you're good."
"It's all about the body language."
He chuckles. "You don't think it helps that instead of an obese old man there's now a beautiful woman sitting next to me?"
Alicia laughs at that, enjoying the fact that the flirting is back immediately. "It's about the smile, too. You frown too much."
"I do? I have to say I'm in a really good mood today."
"Why is that?"
"You know why," he says and takes the glasses from the bartender. "Cheers," he says and they both drink.
"Are you happy here?" Alicia then asks.
He gives her a long look, thinking about the answer. "Happier, I think. You?"
"Yeah, something like that," she answers.
/ / /
"When I walked home last night, I realised I've never not seen you for such a long time," Will says when their second (his third) glass of whiskey arrives. It makes him more melancholic than he intended.
"I was thinking the same thing. Did you get used to it?"
"Kind of," he says. "But I think I'd rather fight you in court than not see you at all."
She takes a deep breath and looks at him, her eyes softer now. "I missed you," she confesses.
His eyes dance around her face, as if he's expecting her to say that's she's joking. But she doesn't.
He briefly touches her upper leg, telling her he missed her, too. It's a gesture no one around them would pick up on, but Alicia does. She'll have the feeling of his hand on her skin for the rest of the evening, a warm sensation that makes her want to touch him too.
"I really like your hair this way," Alicia says.
"Now you do?" Will grins.
"I did yesterday. Just needed some time getting used to it."
"To my hair or the whole situation?"
"Both."
"And now you are?"
"I am, yes."
"Good," Will says and sips his whiskey. "That's good." Then his hand slides on her lower back for a moment, his fingertips gently pushing into her skin. "I don't like the distance between us," he says and takes his hand away again. "If it wasn't for all these lawyers swarming around us…"
She throws him a look. "What?"
"I'd kiss you," he says boldly. His hand is back on her upper leg, this time sliding inwards towards her thigh and then pulls back for the third time. It's making her breathe faster. "Then I'd make sure you release every bit of tension you're holding on to," he says, his voice huskier now.
"But we can't do that here," she murmurs.
"I'm well aware."
"My room is on the second floor."
"Is that an invitation?"
"It is," she answers with a seductive smile.
"I'd gladly accept it."
"Good. I'll go first," she says, unsure how comfortable she'd be with her colleagues seeing her walk towards the rooms with him together. She gets up and whispers in his ear, "room 208."
"208," he repeats and downs the last of his whiskey. "Got it."
/ / /
She closes the door behind her, her heart beating loud and slow against her chest. She throws a quick look in the mirror, adjusts her hair, straightens the skirt she's wearing, and then there's a knock on the door. Already.
She takes a deep breath and opens the door to Will, standing in the hallway with a small, smug smile on his face. "Can I come in?"
Before Alicia can answer, one hand is already on her hip, the other flies up to her cheek and he kisses her without wasting another second. Alicia barely manages to close the door behind her.
/ / /
If you'd ask Will what the hotel room looks like, he wouldn't be able to tell you. He's too consumed by Alicia to take it in, distracted by how she feels and tastes. Like the past and the future combined, like Chicago, like evenings in his dorm at Georgetown, like wine and whiskey and nostalgia.
He's eager to feels her soft body against his own, but he tries to pace himself because really, there's no need to rush. Still, his hands desperately trail up and down her body. He feels how her nipples harden underneath the silk of her blouse, how her stomach sucks in at his touch. All the while he kisses her, deeply and intensely, with an urgency that's partly alcohol and party desperation after having her in his surroundings for over twenty-four hours now.
/ / /
The sound of loud laughter coming from outside distracts them both. "What's that?" Will asks.
"Drunk lawyers," Alicia answers uninterested and kisses him again. But Will moves away, wanting
to see how close these potential unwelcome spectators are. He opens up the door to the balcony and steps outside.
"It's right above our heads," he says. "Come here," he gestures Alicia to step outside as well.
"Why do you—" Alicia tries, but before she can finish her sentence he wraps his arm around her and directs her against the railing, her back towards him. "Will…" He grins against her neck and then kisses her there. "…what are you doing?"
"Look up," he whispers. "You think they can see us?"
"They might, yes."
"They won't look down if you stay quiet," he says and before Alicia fully grasps what's about to happen, she can feel him pushing up her skirt, the fabric now scrunched up between their bodies. It happens so quickly no one will have noticed. Will pushes himself closer against her, making sure no one would be able to see how exposed she is.
— start M rated part —
His hand strokes over her bare skin and briefly slides along the lace of her panties. It's arousing him and he can't hide it, not when he's this close against her. Alicia stands completely stiff between him and the railing, clearly unsure whether or not she wants that to happen. "Relax," he tells her and without further warning, now slips his hand between her legs. Alicia inhales sharply. He hisses at the feeling at the damp warm fabric against his fingers.
He continues, gently pushing away the material, allowing him to feel how aroused she is and he takes it as an encouragement to push his fingers inside her. She moans, a little too loud.
"Shhh," he teases her. "Can't have another scandal."
He hears her swallows hard. He plays with her, stroking her slowly but with a pressure that is enough for her breaths to become quicker and louder. Soft moans start escaping her and he keeps telling her to stay quiet, but his arousal is now also undeniable and she clearly feels it, pressing herself up against him, arching her back, hungry for more. He needs to do everything in his power to stand still, because if he's moving along he won't be able to control himself and then everyone will soon know they're not just simply standing here, enjoying the panoramic Manhattan night sky view.
Will increases his speed, applying more pressure and Alicia clenches her hands around the railing, trying her best to stay quiet but the buildup of tension in her body so desperately wants to be released that she doesn't know how to stop it. Her body's becoming weaker, her responses more involuntary and Will can tell. He wraps his other hand tighter around her middle, urging her to stay still. He looks up to the party above their heads and now recognises some of the lawyers from earlier today, but they don't see him, too busy smoking and drinking their cocktails. He's never been the voyeuristic type, but after the way they got exposed in New York, there's something incredibly hot about doing this in public.
"Will," Alicia gasps, desperate to go back inside because she can no longer hold herself back.
"What is it?" He whispers and kisses her neck, another moan escaping from her. "Are you gonna come right here?"
"I—" she tries but her mind has lost the capacity to form a sentence. "Hmhm," she whimpers as the world around her turns hazy. She lets her head fall back against his shoulder, the weight of her whole body now against him. He fastens his movements, the feeling of her now making him start panting too. He bites her earlobe and it pushes her over the edge in seconds. She squeezes his hand, fingernails pressing into his palm and he feels her body shudder against him. Will lets out a pleased grunt, pushes her skirt back down and then she turns around towards him, her eyes drunk with arousal. Cheeks hot and flushed.
"You're gorgeous," he says and kisses her.
— M rated part ends here —
/ / /
Thirty minutes later, they're laying in her bed, naked. Will basically devoured her as soon as they got back inside. He was eager for her after their little escapade outside. Now, they're both catching their breaths. She leaning against his chest, his hand stroking hers.
"I want more time with you," he says. "Take you to my place."
Alicia sits up so she can look him in the eyes. "My flight is tomorrow morning."
"Rebook."
"I can't. I'm flying back with Cary. We've got a hearing tomorrow afternoon."
He groans in response and sits up straight.
"You do know you're the one who moved away?" She quips, making it sound as a joke but there's a seriousness to it and Will knows that too.
"Painfully aware," he answers and kisses her gently. "Think of an excuse to come back. We'll spend a weekend here, at my place, explore the city."
"That does sound nice…," she says and kisses him back. "But I don't think I can wait that long."
"No?" He chuckles against her lips and pulls her on top of him. "I can go again," he tells her.
They don't sleep much that night.
Thank you for reading! Hope that even in 2022, some of you are still out there and haven't forgotten about this :) Do let me know what you think! I'll definitely try and publish the next chapter sooner. Hannah
Preview for next chapter: In the months ahead, Alicia and Will explore their feelings for each other and if/how that could work long distance.