Chapter 5: Coffee Shop Interview

The wave of voices could still be heard long after the parade had come to an end, and our float had arrived to its final destination with all the others. While there was that reliving feeling of having completed one thing with Dave, I was immediately reminded of the second, inevitable one that seemed to bounce on top of me the second I let me guard down.

"Oh, Dr. Brine! Ms. Kailey!" Rayonna Desiree's voice was unfortunately a pinnacle among the rest, catching my ears the instant she called us. I felt a shiver crawl up my back just thinking about what Dave was going to say to her about this whole research thing, further elaborating his horrible series of lies that he had built for himself.

As a matter-of-fact, thinking about this entire hellscape of a situation was odd on its own: and when I say that, I mean specifically his entire lie, in of itself. How the hell was he able to keep it up for so long?

Recalling to what seemed like minor instances at the time, like when he announced our freaking 'marriage proposal' to thousands—millions of people, and when he was asked about what his future plans for the penguins were, I wondered how much these people would eat up before they caught onto something. His lies slipped out of him easier than a gumdrop out of a candy machine. They were lies, yes, but candy in a sense that gave people just enough, and exactly what they wanted to hear, though. Even with his supposed mistake with the penguins-turning-into-monsters thing he managed to do before he met me, I couldn't understand why nobody had connected the dots of how weird—how incredibly strange their precious Dr. Brine was.

Hearing Rayonna calling out to us, and being merely present, sent me into a momentary petrified state. It was like I was caught in the act again, my body tense as I listened through the crowd beyond us and heard her heels clicking on the concrete.

Turning around to face her took so much effort.

"Ah, it's so good to see you!" Rayonna said, finally arriving in front of us. She extended her hand out to me first, to which I kindly obliged with a handshake. She'd extend her hand out to Dave next, causing me to wince as she grabbed hold of his extended palm.

"It's good to see you too!" Dave chimed. "How would you like to proceed with the interview?"

"I was thinking we could head to a local coffee shop," Rayonna responded, although her eyes shifted to her hands momentarily as she observed Dave's stupid slime that had gotten on her. An ever-so-slight frown overcame her mouth as she attempted to wrap her mind around it, said, "Are you all right, Dr. Brine? You seem very sweaty… even through your gloves."

Oh no, I thought, my eyes widening as the only external indication that I had grown uneasy.

"Yeah, it's a… err, skin condition," Dave replied, catching his brief stuttering before it got to awkward, and recovered quickly. "The medical community says it's normal, albeit a rare condition. Not to worry!"

"You poor dear!" Rayonna responded, her concerned and slightly grossed out gestures from before changing dramatically with Dave's new information. "Even in the cold like this? How unfortunate!"

"Yes, yes, I know…" Dave dived straight into the act. "But it doesn't stop me from doing my work! Important work, you see, so there's no time to rest!"

"That sounds like the iconic Dr. Octavius Brine!" Rayonna cheered. "How about we get straight to business then and head out? I'm sure you two have plans for tonight. I don't want to keep you long."

"Indeed." Dave nodded. "Let me go real quick to my limo and pick up the papers I wanted to show you. I have some great information on the work I've been doing, and future work I've been planning for everyone!"

"All right, sounds great," Rayonna responded.

Dave bowed out and disappeared down the street, meeting with the limo to grab hold of his papers as Rayonna momentarily shifted her attention to me. "So how's it going for you, Mrs. Brine? Oh, wait, you guys haven't officially tied the knot yet… which brings me to ask, because I absolutely cannot help it: when's the wedding?"

"Ummm…" I murmured. I wasn't expecting Rayonna to turn the conversation into that topic so quickly. I felt my heart thunk a few times as I tried to spill out a lie myself. "We still haven't planned for it yet, unfortunately. We've been so busy, you see…"

Okay so that wasn't actually a lie.

"You two, I swear!" Rayonna shook her head sympathetically, making a tisk-tisk sound with her lips. "Always putting your work to help society before yourselves—it's so heroic!"

"Yeeeee," I responded, my stupid ass reply a contrast from my words from before. Yes, how heroic. How selfless. What were we even doing anyway, other than covering our own asses from North Wind? Absolutely nothing, that's what! Dave said it himself not more than a week earlier. I felt like a clown standing in front of this lady. Like all the other humans in the world, she was so oblivious—mesmerized by the show of goodness and brilliance of Brine and his lovely little fiancée.

"Speaking of your future wedding, I'd love to have the honor of reporting some of it, if you'd allow me!" Rayonna continued. "It would also be a great opportunity for me to allow you to try my makeup and beauty line of products, which I'm sure you've seen advertised around on the billboards and online."

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I've seen them," I replied, shuffling my feet momentarily before I broke myself out of my diverting gestures. "I guess I could use what you have—"

I felt like I wasn't even able to continue my sentence when Rayonna suddenly seemed to shift from reporter to saleswoman within the blink of an eye. "That would be wonderful if you'd allow me! I'd have you looking so good they won't even recognize you!" she said with glee.

I fake-laughed then, merely going with the flow of the conversation, said, "Really now? Well, I don't know if I want people to not recognize me, you know?"

"It's just a way of speaking, per say," Rayonna replied, "but you will look fabulous!" She suddenly reached out, taking a strand of my hair that was sitting on my shoulder, as if inspecting it. "I can bring some volume to your locks, too. Believe me, it'll look great! I'm the master of transformation! You give me anything and I'll make the girl look like a queen!"

I retracted myself, ever so slightly, but not defensive enough, at least as much as I wanted to. I was still in acting mode, and was trying to keep the peace, although deep in my chest I was getting a gnawing feeling, like dread. "That's great and all," I started calmly, "but… I think my hair looks fine."

"Please! You're being too modest!" Rayonna said, her voice rising in pitch as she started to get further into her thing. "You are going to be the bride of the Octavius Brine, world renowned geneticist! You have to absolutely look the part. It's going to be the wedding of the century!"

My brain was filling with all sorts of questions and emotions on top of what I had already been feeling that I wasn't sure how to filter through them all. While I was managing to keep my outward appearance and persona neutral, the exact opposite was going on internally, to put it frank.

Did I really look like shit!?

I suddenly felt embarrassed, but an embarrassment that had been obscured from me for… I don't know, Lord knows how long. The last time someone bashed my appearance was when I was in early High School, and some French guy was trying to sell me expensive 'all natural concealer'. To a literal child. But now, I didn't have the 'child' aspect about myself to divert to. Instead I was a grown ass adult, being attacked by Ms. Rayonna: beautiful journalist and product creator. And yet, just like back then, it somehow was getting to me. I never considered myself ugly, so while I still had that idea that I had nothing to worry about as reinforcement, her words were punching at these justifications quicker than my confidence could speak up.

"Here I am!" Dave's voice pelted into my mind, pulling me out of my loathing, and back to reality like a hand reaching into the depths and rescuing me before the sharks could devour me. "I'm ready to head out when you are, Ms. Desiree!"

In his grasp he carried his research papers, all neatly stacked and prepared for the interview. I eyed his papers again, this time with more intent as I tried to make out what some of it was saying, but he seemed to move too abruptly for me to do so.

"Ah, perfect," Rayonna responded, shifting her attention instantly, and leaving the conversation she had been having with me in the dust. "You guys can ride with me in my car. It won't take too long to get to the shop."

We ventured off then. Going from point A to point B was sort of a blur as my mind seemed to buzz off once again, shifting constantly through different thoughts and feelings as if it was still trying to grasp if the lone conversation I had just had with this lady was even real. Before I knew it even, I had disassociated so much that I realized at the last moment that we had stopped in front of Rayonna's car. The car beeped as Rayonna pressed the unlock button on her keys.

The black, sophisticated car looked as if it just came out of the car wash, so much so that I could not only see my reflection in its dark paint, but the stationary parade's end behind me. My face looked distorted due to the curvature of the vehicle, my reflection and my world behind me stretched and skewed as well.

"Well, hop in! Maybe we can make it for the coffee happy hour!" Rayonna said, and sat down in front of the wheel. Dave ventured into the backseat, scooting all the way over for me to follow in after him.

After the doors shut whatever was leftover from our time at the parade, sounds, smells and all, finally cut ties with us as we drove off. The car drive itself was very quiet, with only the gentle hum of the engine keeping the silence at bay. Dave soon spoke up as the car picked up speed, though.

"So, how's the reporting going?" he asked. "Any new and interesting things that haven't hit the press yet?"

"There's always something interesting going on," Rayonna said, chuckling like she was in disbelief. "If you've been in this career as long as I have you'll pretty much hear all kinds of stories."

"Enlighten us, then," I said flatly, my way of saying it uncontrollable in the sense that I was still out of it.

"Well there's the regular old stuff…" she said, "you know, reports of this new business opening, this person getting arrested or shot, blah blah."

"Oh wow," I responded sarcastically, but my way of commenting seemed to fly right over Rayonna and instead must've been interpreted as me being engaged in gossip.

"That's not even the start of it!" she said. "Like, there's been some talk about aliens recently. Something about seeing ships in the skies that disappear without a trace."

"What?" Dave asked, mild concern filling his expression. "Ummm… what's being said about these things?"

My eyes shifted over towards Dave then, my focus settling now more on him than my inward thoughts of whatever idiocy Rayonna was getting at. Because this made him seem weary, it made me so to.

"I'm getting reports of large UFOs in the sky all across the northern hemisphere." Rayonna reached into the pocket of her blazer then, grabbing her phone and started to skim through a few of her personal photos. Eventually she got to what looked like an amateur photograph of… well, something, and handed her phone to us in the back, to which I took a hold of it, and stationed it in between Dave and I so we could ponder it in unison.

Looking at the picture myself, it was insanely hard to comprehend. I almost wanted to chunk the phone back at Rayonna and accuse her of trying to pull our leg, but the longer I stared at it the more interesting it became. The shot looked up at the sky, amidst the clouds something big, but more than half of it looked like it was fading in and out of existence or whatever.

There was one thing I could confirm though: it wasn't one of Dave's.

"When was this picture taken?" Dave continued to probe.

I handed the phone back to Rayonna.

"About a week ago, I'd say," Rayonna replied. "Lots of folks say they've seen and heard weird stuff going on. And when I say lots, I really mean maybe no more than a few hundred. Mostly smaller, rural town people. It's enough of a voice to catch my ears though! If it's a story worth telling, I'm on it!"

"Hmmm," I murmured, my fingers strumming the car seat as I contemplated. For some reason her mentioning 'all stories worth telling' made me feel a bit more off about her. Not only because of how she bashed me before, but now because of her stereotypical story teller/investigator vibe. For some reason my already stirring brain spat out the time a few days ago I saw stuff online about Dave. From that point I started connecting the dots…

Could Rayonna be the one behind that post? Was she the one that knew Dave was an octopus!?

I felt myself go stiff again as I listened helplessly to the ending conversion, my internal voice hollering at me for not giving this lady a piece of my mind. Luckily self-restraint managed to keep me glued together.

"Isn't that interesting... you do have to keep us updated on what else you find out about these… aliens," Dave said.

"Oh, don't you worry, I will," Rayonna responded.

Was that a threat? I thought, my brows curving in defensive frustration, if that was even a thing. Indignation. Frustrated and ready to fight? Yeah, that felt like me, all right.

A few more blocks were passed when the car slowly drifted to the side of the road, parallel parking next to what was obviously the coffee shop Rayonna had talked about. We collectively got out of the car and went inside the shops doors, a little chime at the front ringing our entry to notify the baristas in the back.

One of the boys working in the back looked up as we came in, said, "Welcome! We're serving Caffeine Hour, happy hour for coffee lovers—OH MY GOD IT'S DR. BRINE!"

This instantly made the other baristas head's spring up like daisies from behind the counter, their eyes glued to the three of us standing there as the door finally had shut softly behind us, striking the bells one last time.

Brushing it off like usual, we made our way to one of the tables, sitting down to get comfortable as Dave began to fumble through his papers to prepare for what he was going to say. Rayonna likewise got out a pen and notebook to write down what she needed.

"Okay, so!" Rayonna finally said, clasping her hands together, and then settled them down on the table in front of her. "Where should we even begin? I'm sure you have a lot to tell me. You've been so busy, so I'm sure whatever work you have up your sleeve is just as busy and brilliant."

"You could say that," Dave said, grinning crookedly. "As you may already be aware, a lot of my previous work was directed at helping those poor wretched penguins…" His teeth grit together momentarily as he suppressed his discomfort, but continued on like a champ. "I was trying to figure out what on earth happened to them that made them into those… green things."

"I remember that," Rayonna said with a pout in her lips. "Those poor babies."

"Yes, poor babies," Dave said with a seer, although he twisted his tone into his next sentence to help deter any suspicion. "I was so… oh so angry! Yes, furious with what happened!" He squeezed his papers tightly from his frustration, wrinkling some of the pages, but settled after a moment. "After that, you know, things got worse. They started getting kidnapped again. I know some people were worried about catching the criminals but I was also focusing on why—how the penguins turned into green little horrible beasts when this first began."

Rayonna shifted in her seat as she sat forward, curiosity catching her. "Go on," she said.

"Through my genetics research I have been divulging into what exactly may have made them change. Was it a natural cause? Was it something that was done to them?"

"Interesting," Rayonna said, scribbling something down on her paper then. "A natural or unnatural cause? That's a good beginning sentence when I report this."

"Indeed," Dave said, nodding his head. He reached into his stack and took out a few papers, handing it over to Rayonna. "You'll be able to read my theories here, arguing both cases. On one hand, it could be a natural phenomenon, maybe penguins are just ghastly pieces of—"

"Dr. Brine, can I get you anything?" It was the boy from before. He was standing next to the table now, having crept over as we were talking.

"I'll have a mocha," I said. "Extra chocolate shots." Lord knows I was going to need not necessarily my dose of caffeine, but of chocolate to boost my serotonin. My eyes lowered to the table then as my mind continued to spiral around my personal epiphany. I had been confused and a bit angry before, but now I was full blown worried. I kept thinking, God, I hope Dave knows what he's doing. What if this lady was the kind of reporter that could read right through you? If she knew Dave was an octopus, she could be looking for any verbal cue—anything to prove she's right.

"I'll have your blonde roast. Black is fine," Rayonna said next.

Of course she'd order black, I thought. I don't know why I thought that to be honest, but for some reason I was reaching for anything at that point to prove that Rayonna was against us.

The boy took our orders, and then looked at Dave, who he had been aching to help since he walked into the café. "And you, doctor?" he said, smiling sweetly yet excitedly.

Dave looked over to me, unsure of what to get I suppose.

"Just get a water," I immediately said. Not knowing if Dave had ever had anything remotely like coffee before, I felt this was a safe answer. We were trying to stay on our toes after all.

"No, I can't possibly!" Dave said. "I want coffee like you guys!"

"Okay, so do you like bitter or sweet?" the barista asked, attempting to help.

"Sweet! Most definitely!" Dave replied, his attention shifting over to the barista by now.

"We have our seasonal flavors right now that are pretty sweet…"

"I'll have that then!"

"Okay, so… the pumpkin spice latte or…"

"Yes, that!"

The kid took the order, bowed out, and disappeared behind the counter to start our orders. While the café already smelled like coffee, the start of the baristas grinding the coffee grounds emphasized that smell, a mix of sweetness and spices being added to the air the longer this process went on. I took a deep breath. Savoring the little things like this helped me along in this seemingly everlasting conversation that was at a constant battle for my already sporadic attention.

"So…" Rayonna began again, tapping her pen on the table, then after a few strikes stopped, and started talking. "Tell me about this research in greater detail. Out of either of your theories, which one do you think is more probable?"

"To tell you the truth, as a scientist, I can't say," Dave said, rather smartly. "I don't draw towards one theory or another until it proves itself. Both of these theories are very much still on the table and being worked on. What I can tell you is this: the penguins should be fine."

"Oh, well that's wonderful!" Rayonna said. "I'm glad to hear that… I suppose the next step once we get this all figured out would be to find the criminals behind this. They stole the penguins twice now, so it's something to worry about. After all, if this was an unnatural phenomenon, you have to argue that the unnatural aspect would point to the penguins being actively turned this way from an outside force. Like… these criminals were the ones that did that to them."

She paused, resuming her pen tapping again on the table. This time the taps were annoying me, each putt-putt echoing in my subconsciousness like small rocks being thrown at a window.

"Nobody has asked you though," Rayonna started up, "when you rescued those penguins and brought them back to us, did you see the perpetrators?"

I swallowed. Her eyes were stuck to Dave, quizzing him, attempting to read him. She still had a soft smile on her face, this gesture adding to the fact that I now saw nothing but a conniving journalist sticking her nose into something she shouldn't be. The fact that I was seeing her as if she were looking through the veil, so to speak, was freaking me out to a point that from under the table my hands were starting to bundle into fists, all kinds of emotions again returning to me as a fight or flight response seemed to overtake me as my heart pounded.

"I—" Dave was about to speak, but before he managed to get out another peep the barista from before had returned, our coffee neatly prepared in cute mugs and saucers. My mocha was decorated with coffee art in the shape of a heart, and Dave's latte decorated likewise. Meanwhile, Rayonna's was left alone, being black and all.

"Here is your order!" the barista said, setting our coffees in front of us. "If there is anything else you need, please let me know!"

"Thank you," I said meekly, which was only because I was fighting my internal struggle with my own emotions.

The barista walked away then, leaving Rayonna, Dave and I stagnant in her last question. Dave, however, was taking his sweet ol' time replying, lifting the mug then and sniffed the beverage intently. "Oh, it really does smell like pumpkin and spice!" Dave said, grinning. "I've never had coffee before!"

"Really?" Rayonna asked, her pen tapping stopping momentarily.

"He's joking," I said, chiming in to help divert any suspicion that I so deeply felt was upon us. "He usually prefers tea, is all."

When I had said this, Dave had taken a sip of the coffee. He smacked his mouth for a second, tasting the drink more intently as he took a moment to contemplate its flavor. After bit he smiled, took another sip, swallowed, then said, "This is lovely! Who would've thought that putting a squash and some spices into coffee would be so delicious?"

"You underestimate the power of the pumpkin spice, Dave," I said, chuckling in attempts to pull myself out of my own rut and to appreciate Dave's… well, appreciation of drinking coffee. I couldn't help but smile and laugh mildly again when he took another sip of coffee, and then another.

"Anyway, Dr. Brine, can we continue with your point?" Rayonna said.

Her pen resumed tapping.

"Oh, yes… hold on one moment..." Dave muttered, holding his opposite hand that wasn't clutching the mug out towards Rayonna with a finger pointed upward, his rather rude gesture hinting to give him a few more moments. Suddenly, the sound of him sucking the rest of the empty mug spilled into our ears, followed by Dave abruptly setting down the mug back onto the saucer. "Another!" he cried, turning around towards the barista back at the counter, giving him a snap with his fingers. "It was delicious! I'd like another!"

"Right on, Dr. Brine!" the barista called out, and immediately I heard the staff start up the coffee machine again as another series of coffee ground smells overcame the air.

Rayonna cleared her throat. "Dr. Brine?" she hummed.

"Yes! Sorry about that," Dave said. "Now where was I? Oh, yes, the perpetrators." He shuffled in his seat a moment as he sat forward, his hands now freed to exaggerate a story. "So there I was, in my submarine trying to find those poor, poor penguins. I had been going to great lengths to find them after the mass amount of kidnappings from the first series of incidents, and wanted so desperately to bring them back safe and sound."

"That's very sweet of you," Rayonna commented. "You have a lot of empathy and a lot of courage to do what you did."

"Thank you," Dave said. "So there I was, out looking for the penguins. I found them far, far away, cooped up, now suddenly horrible ugly green monsters—"

"Here is your latte, Dr. Brine!" the barista called suddenly, tearing Dave once again from his oncoming bullshit tale. That was fast.

Dave turned his head, and outstretched his hands as his 'fingers' twiddled around while the coffee was set in front of him, this hovering only stopping once the mug and saucer clicked atop of the table.

The boy had turned around at the same time Dave had grabbed hold of the latte, Dave again taking sips as he mumbled under his breath, "Mmm, this is good…."

"Dr. Brine, your story?" Rayonna inquired again.

"PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!" Dave suddenly gasped after his series of sips, I realizing with wide eyes as yet again he had topped this serving off too. It seemed the second mug of caffeine was finally getting to him. I suppose I should be thankful that this was a latte, and not a harder dosed caffeine drink, but at his point I was starting to realize it probably wouldn't have made a difference, because Dave was starting to talk louder now.

"SO ANYWAY I WAS OFF TO SAVE THE PENGUINS," Dave repeated, loudly, excitedly; his gestures of emphasis to his story were bigger and more exaggerated now.

One of my hands had slowly unclutched itself from its fist stance from under the table, and my palm had climbed up to my face, my way of deterring embarrassment. At least I wasn't feeling as bad about Rayonna anymore.

"I FOUND THEM OUT THERE IN THE WILDERNESS, BUT I DIDN'T SEE ANY PERPETRATORS. I KNEW I HAD TO GET THEM OUT OF THERE THOUGH, SO I GOT THEM ALL IN MY SUBMARINE AND HEADED BACK TO NEW YORK!"

"Ah, so that's how it happened," Rayonna replied. It sounded like she didn't mind Dave's yelling. "I can't believe you did all that by yourself, you should have called for backup."

"I DO WHAT I DO BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE," Dave said.

My eye peeked from between my fingers once he said this. That wasn't a lie… I mean, Dave did always say he loved the attention of humans. I just wasn't sure where his logic was when he was talking about returning penguins back to them as monsters, knowing good and well that the humans would hate them for it.

But then again, that was the point.

The sound of Rayonna's pen tapping had stopped again, being exchanged for the faint scribbles and scratches of her beginning to write on her notebook. After a few sentences had quickly been struck on the white paper, she paused, taking her mug with one hand and took a sip of her coffee herself.

Out of habit I found I had reached for my mug and did the same, although with all this peer pressure it seemed to get to Dave.

"CAN I HAVE ANOTHER—"

"Octavius, no!" I fussed suddenly, the mocha almost falling out of my mouth I had reacted so quickly. Once I realized what I had done, my eyes shifted over to Rayonna, then back at Dave again. I cleared my throat, adjusting my tone, then said, "You know how coffee keeps you awake at night, sweetie." I smiled that weird fake white-girl smile, obviously sarcasm and irritation bubbling in me in order to send this signal to Dave as silently and as effectively as I could that he needed to stop immediately before he made a fool of himself.

"Oh no, don't tell me Octavius has insomnia," Rayonna said. "I didn't realize that."

I jumped to the answer before Dave. "Yeah, he's… ummm, had a hard time with his sleep schedule. Being so busy and all can take a toll on your mind just as much as your body. I tell him to give himself a break sometimes, but you know how it is." I started to take a sip of my mocha again.

"Insomnia is very prevalent, you know," Rayonna commented. "But you are absolutely right. Someone as hard working as Dr. Brine should be also focusing on his well-being." She chuckled mildly, and then winked. "But I'm sure you work your magic on him, if you know what I mean."

I did a spit take, almost losing my hold of the mug. Was I ever going to get to drink my freaking coffee!?

"Are you okay?" Rayonna asked, concerned.

I proceeded coughing like a freaking idiot. "I'm—I'm fine," I stuttered once I started to regain my composure. "I'm sorry, uhhh, I don't know why that happened." But of course I knew why that happened. This lady, I swear! I knew she was a journalist but I guess they really are as nosy as they say they are. I wanted oh so deeply to come out to her right then and there that I was ace, and Dave and I absolutely do not do that, but I felt publicly making that kind of statement right now wouldn't be the best for my poor introverted self.

Ugh, maybe someday, but whatever.

Rayonna looked down at her watch, eyeing the time before she spoke up. "I don't want to keep you two for very long, like I promised," she said. "I feel like I already have a lot of insight on Dr. Brine's research though, so if you want to call it quits I understand."

"IT WAS A LOVELY INTERVIEW, MS. DESIREE," Dave called out, standing up from his seat. MY LOVELY FIANCEE AND I HAVE A THANKSGIVING FEAST TO ATTEND ALL THE WAY IN HOUSTON, SO IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST."

"Thank you so much again for you time," Rayonna said warmly. "I will definitely keep you updated when I publish this. I want to help you out anyway I can with your pledge drives to support your work, and your company."

"Thank you, Rayonna," I said, attempting to smile back, but while it may have been a passable gesture from the outside I felt like it wasn't. Yes, first the parade, then the interview, and now I was going to my parents' house. For the entire weekend. Yay. Not only that, but this interview was probably going to hover over me the entire time.

I sat up and dusted myself off, taking notice that I had some coffee stains on my clothes. My eyes fell eventually to the mug of coffee I barely was able to touch.

"I'll take this to-go, please," I told the barista, then found my gaze again slipping toward the clock at the upper left wall behind the counter.

God, this had already been a long day, and it was only noon.