Chapter 03: Plastic Memory
I face-planted onto my bed as soon as I got to my room. Only after accepting the embrace of my pillowy soft mattress did I realize I just probably stained my blankets with my makeup. "Fuck me," I muttered into the bedding.
"Tori, what the fuck happened?" Taylor asked as she sat on the mattress next to me. I felt her hand on my back, tracing small circles on my back. "You and Max are like the biggest power couple in Blackwell's history. And I… I know you two really care for each other."
The fuck was I supposed to say? I still wasn't completely convinced of Max's time travel bullshit, but there wasn't another explanation, either. She was able to tell me exactly what was in the envelope. The sealed envelope that I never told a goddamn soul what was in it. Throwing myself off the bed, I stormed over to my purse and pulled out that damned love letter I slaved over, that I poured my soul into to enlighten my most precious person just how I really felt. And now… now she said that all those memories were gone. Erased.
Grasping the paper between my fingers, I pulled. But no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't have the strength to tear it apart. I clutched it to my chest.
"Fuck!" I shouted as sobs began to escape my lips. Stumbling back to my bed, I sat there by Taylor. And there I sat, crying as I stared at the stationary in my hand. After a while, Taylor reached for it. I didn't stop her. Maybe she had the strength to shred it that I seemed to lack.
I went through a dozen tissues by the time Taylor read the note, but at least I had somewhat composed myself. "Tori, this… I don't…" Taylor sighed. "This is like the sweetest thing ever. Why would Max break up with you over this?"
"I don't…" My mind trailed back to what she said at that godforsaken junkyard. "I think that note is the only reason Max even considered giving me another chance."
"Another chance? I thought you two broke up?" Taylor said, putting a hand on my arm.
To center myself, I took a deep breath in and out. It did little to ease the crushing pressure in my chest. "We agreed to start over. From scratch."
Taylor gave me a strange look. "How the fuck is that supposed to work? I mean, there's so much history between you two—"
"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped, pushing Taylor away. "Get out!"
"Vic…" Taylor stood, looking down at me. "I don't…"
"Just leave!" I shouted, burying my face in my hands. "Just…"
"I-I'll be right down the hall, okay?" Taylor said as she fled from my room.
The sound of the door closing brought me some sense of relief. It wasn't that I didn't want my best friend to comfort me, just that she couldn't possibly understand what the fuck was going on. I didn't understand it.
I went over to my desk and pulled out the first drawer. Inside were dozens of Polaroids that Max had given me. My Max. A girl that vanished without a trace, replaced by some fucking pod person version that didn't remember anything. She didn't share our memories. She didn't share our feelings. But there wasn't an "our" anymore.
She was gone.
Tears started to fall anew as I stared at the Polaroids she'd taken and given to me. My Max. In her place was this Max that wasn't my Max. She really wasn't kidding. It really was like she was a broken echo of the girl I knew. The same face, same soft voice, even the same mannerisms. But she wasn't the same. The thing that hurt the most was that she would never be my Max.
She was gone.
I slammed the drawer full of memories shut. It hurt. Months of memories, and no one to share them with. How was it any different from her being dead? Replaced by some long lost twin. Just like her, but different. And none of the memories that we shared. Memories that were now mine, and mine alone.
Because she was gone.
A frustrated scream left me, surely loud enough to be heard by the whole dorm. I didn't care. If no one was going to cry for my Max, they should at least witness the anguish. How could she even be erased like that? To just forget everything in a flash. Memories didn't even work that way.
My sobs ceased as a spark ignited a small flame of hope in my mind. Memories didn't work that way. If she was my Max, the girl I fell in love with, those memories had to exist somewhere. I raced to open my laptop. There had to be a way to unlock them. There had to be a way to bring them back—to bring her back.
She wasn't gone.
As much as I longed to hide in my room, I just couldn't escape. My phone kept buzzing, a consequence of being in the Vortex Club, no doubt. I didn't give up until I heard a shout from somewhere in the dorms, more distorted than muffled by the thin walls. With a groan, I picked up my phone.
Gossip traveled fast.
The vast majority of the texts were about my breakup with Victoria. Her little lie to protect me really blew up. I really didn't want to get trapped in a web of lies, so I ignored most of them. Instead, I composed a text to Victoria.
[Me]
[You really saved my ass earlier with Taylor. Thanks. We should probably go with that story until we… you know.]
I stared at the text. Unwilling to hit the send button. Thanking Victoria for saving my ass was something I really needed to do, but just what were we going to do? Date? I knew the person I was loved her, and she still loved that person. But I… wasn't her. I loved Chloe, a woman a state away who was literally engaged to her highschool sweetheart.
[Me]
[You really saved my ass earlier with Taylor. Thanks. We should probably stick with that story.]
The send button was pressed, and I felt like an asshole. It didn't take long for the reply to come. Cold and concise.
[Vic]
[Sure, Max.]
It made me feel… empty.
I felt like I had to do something, but I didn't have a clue as to what. Talking to Victoria would have to come sooner or later. It wasn't hard to convince myself that she probably needed some time alone. After all, I was a weasely, little coward. I literally already made up with Chloe after five years of silence. Now, it was the same situation all over again, and I still couldn't work up the courage to actually tell her about it. I even told Chloe that this would happen during the last jump to prevent her accident.
"The fuck is wrong with me?" I muttered as I held my head in my hands.
A soft knock sounded at my door and my heart clenched painfully in my chest. I almost couldn't decide if I was hoping for or dreading Victoria at my door. When I opened it, I found a familiar face I didn't expect. "Warren?"
He held up his backpack. "I brought your homework," he said, giving me a weird, lopsided smile. "Is, uh, is this a bad time?"
Yes.
"It's fine," I muttered, stepping back and motioning for him to come in.
He hesitated, looking at me with wide eyes. "Seriously?"
This must've been because of my supposed break up with Victoria. Well, I guess it kind of was an actual breakup, if I were honest about it. "Just… come in already."
Warren practically jumped into my room. The moment he passed me by, his eyes wandered all around my room as if he were some tourist lost in the city. Had he never been in my dorm room before? When I sat back down on my bed, the sound seemed to snap him out of his daze.
"Oh!" He opened his pack, pulling out a folder and extending it toward me. "Science and math homework for this week."
Not really having a choice, I took it before opening it up. It was all typed out with my name at the top. He really did all my homework for me, like Courtney did for Victoria. Just how much more of an asshole could I possibly be?
"Uh… it's all A+ material. I promise," Warren said, scratching the back of his head.
I really needed to set this situation right. And I could probably kill two birds with one stone, too. "Warren, next time—"
"Sorry!" he cut me off with an apology. "I knew it wasn't a good time. I just…" Warren pointed over at the door. "I'll go."
I stood as he started retreating toward the door. "Wait."
He stopped dead but didn't turn back toward me. "Uh… Y-yeah?"
"I was just…" I clutched the folder to my chest. "Next time, instead of you just doing my work for me, could you help me do it myself? I do still have to pass the tests."
"Sure, Max!" Warren said, spinning around with a smile on his face. "Just call me. Any time. I mean it."
"Yeah," I replied. My sorry attempt at a smile in turn fell flat as his smile faded away. "I'll text you, okay?"
"Okay," he said, backing away toward the door. "I, uh, I'll go now."
Warren left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Today wore me down already, but at least now I was well on my way to patching things up with Warren and to improving my grades. That just left two very large obstacles that I needed to address. I would have to find a way to approach Kate, who as far as I could tell, was a stranger to me in this reality. And I still had to tell Chloe that we lost another five years between us.
I sighed again, mindlessly tossing the folder Warren gave me onto my bed. So how the hell was I going to approach Kate?