Chapter Three: The Magic of Corbyn

TW: Mentions of Abuse

James had felt a little better after talking to Lily a few days ago. He was planning to ask Dumbledore if he could visit Remus…...when the time was right to. James also felt a little better after having Frank console him. The older boy had been concerned, only knowing there was some bad fight amongst the Marauders, and had taken him flying and racing. A race James obviously won.

But Sirius was another matter entirely. A matter that was causing the moments in which James felt better to be brief and which was preventing him from asking Dumbledore if he could visit Remus or not. James knew if Dumbledore said 'no' that he wouldn't be able to hold it together for his friend anymore.

James wanted to be mad with his friend because all of this was honestly Sirius' fault but it was hard to get angry at his friend when Sirius' actions, or lack thereof, was making him feel nothing but concern.

Whatever Patricia and Frank had said to Sirius did seem to calm him down some, he didn't fly off the handle exclaiming angrily at the smallest thing anymore which was certainly an improvement. But Sirius didn't get out of bed, or eat, or talk much at all, and after three days of this James' worry was through the roof.

"James what do we do? He needs to eat something," Peter pointed out having given up on his silent treatment of James who had explained to Peter he was not at fault for why Remus left. Although…..part of him did feel some responsibility. Of course Peter was still upset at James for not explaining what had happened to Remus. Peter was convinced he was being left out of something big….which he was. But James couldn't handle another person finding out about Remus and while he knew Peter would need to be included eventually James wasn't sure how Peter would take it, surely a hell of a lot better than Sirius. Besides, James knew it needed to be Remus' decision on when Peter found out.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Peter's concern for Sirius won out over his anger with his friends. In fact Sirius was causing such a stir that Patricia had suggested taking Sirius to the matron, uncharacteristically worried about him. However, Frank had explained that it was ok to let Sirius have a few days to be sad. Since James liked that idea more he followed Frank's advice figuring the matron wouldn't be too happy with Sirius either. If she knew? Surely she knew about Remus which brought James some comfort since he had seen Madam Pomfrey's care for Remus. In fact, the matron's behavior towards Remus made more sense now and James was sure the matron being accepting of Remus' condition could only be a positive thing...well maybe not for Sirius...

"I think we'll need to tell an adult after all Peter," James concluded sadly. He knew Dumbledore had talked to Sirius, and apparently Professor Corbyn.

James had been sure that they were going to get suspended or even expelled when the headmaster had suddenly appeared in the shack that awful night. But the old man had merely asked politely if they knew where Remus was and instructed them to meet him in his office for tea and a late-night chat before disappearing again. By the time Jade had gotten the silent and sad Sirius with him the headmaster had already been to see Remus and had been able to assure them that he was unharmed and would be coming back to Hogwarts if he wished. James was glad to hear this, very glad since part of his worry had been if Remus would be in trouble and if his dad had hurt him. But Sirius hadn't even responded to that!

Dumbledore had asked James for his version of events, glancing at Sirius with worry a few times, though managing to keep most of his attention on James who had kept the explanation brief. He knew that Sirius was in a really bad place since when James had admitted to the headmaster that he had known the truth about Remus for a while now Sirius hadn't even reacted to that!

Then the headmaster had asked James to let him talk to Sirius alone for a bit and had assured him everything would be ok and that he should head back to bed. On his way out James had run into Professor Corbyn who had looked troubled.

"...please….get through to him, professor….please…..: James had pleaded to the kind professor who had replied earnestly he would do his best and encouraged James to come to talk to him in the next few days as well. Knowing Sirius was in the best hands possible James had returned to the dorm, but of course hadn't been able to sleep. Before he could even try to, Peter had confronted him. Then upon realizing James wasn't going to explain further than 'Remus and Sirius had gotten into a row', and had retreated to his bed furiously. James had sat on his bed doing nothing but thinking and fretting for hours until Sirius returned. But Sirius had been about as pleasant to James as Peter had been to him. It was supposed to be James mad at him not the other way around!

But other than a 'piss off Potter' Sirius had retreated to his bed and James would have been furious with him if he hadn't immediately heard the muffled sobs that followed.

At that point though he had figured Sirius would be feeling better in the morning, chastised and appropriately upset at himself but not…...not this scary sort of hopelessness that James had no idea how to combat. The few times James had gotten more than grunts or earlier on the outbursts of anger all Sirius had said was that 'he won't be friends with me anymore' and 'he must hate me now.' This helped convince James that Sirius would indeed accept Remus but no matter how he tried to convince Sirius that there was no way Remus would hate him it didn't seem to work.

So Peter and James had played nursemaid to Sirius which didn't at all seem fair but was in fact necessary. They managed to get the tiniest amount of soup into their friend before he had rushed off to the bathroom to throw up, but at least they had been successful in getting him to drink something.

James hadn't known grief and guilt could make someone physically sick and he wondered if that was why Remus seemed as sick as he did, or if that was in fact only because of the lycanthropy.

"Can you hear me James?" Peter asked, sounding nervous and James realized he had been zoning out again, lost in his thoughts over and over, trying to find a solution for their problem with Sirius other than waiting or telling an adult.

"Sorry Peter…...haven't been sleeping well," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes which he knew had bags under them.

"I asked who we should tell?"

It only took James a second to decide.

"Professor Corbyn."

"Why him?" Peter asked surprised and James could have kicked himself for how utterly stupid he was.

"Well….because he's a decent bloke of course. You know McGonnagal would somehow find a way to deduct points," although James knew from first year she could be compassionate as well though it seemed a bit….odd on the normally strict professor. "And….well Sirius doesn't like the man much so he might be able to get a rise out of him," he added applauding himself silently on the save as Peter nodded as if that made perfect sense.

"You stay with him and I'll go get him," James explained, taking off before Peter could offer to go instead. Neither of them particularly liked hanging around Sirius when all he was doing was laying in bed...

Going down into the common room James ran into Patricia.

"How's he doing?" she asked, trying to sound unconcerned but James knew she was in fact quite concerned.

"About the same, I'm going to let one of the professor's know."

"About time you dolt! What were you going to just let him waste away up there?"

James shook his head not having the energy to feel offended and tried to walk past her only for her to stop him.

"Any word about Remus? He doing ok with his old man?"

James wasn't sure if Patricia knew Remus' dad was abusive or just suspected, but either way he kept the explanation short that Remus would be back and seemed fine. Patricia thought they had heard from Remus via owl since James was sure telling her the headmaster had gone to make sure Remus was ok would definitely make her suspect something was wrong.

"Good. Well let me know when Sirius comes to his senses, geez that kid can sure take things hard huh?" she remarked and James gave a noncommittal shrug before she let him pass. He walked through the halls deep in thought about his friends. He knew a lot of Gryffindors felt Sirius was being ridiculous for being so upset about a row between friends.

Fortunately James had heard whispers spreading that Sirius Black wasn't just upset about that but because he had gotten in trouble for being rude to his 'date'. It was both a plausible lie and something that really anyone could have experienced from their family. After all the Gryffindors didn't need to know how much trouble Sirius would be in when he finally went home, and it kept the focus off Remus for which James was grateful. He suspected Lily had something to do with the tactful misdirection, she really was brilliant, though he figured she wouldn't admit to spreading rumors.

"Professor Corbyn?" James called, knocking on the man's office door hoping he was there. He really hadn't been sleeping much and didn't have the energy to wander the castle looking for him. James knew he wouldn't be enjoying the Christmas break as he had originally fully been expecting to, but also knew he couldn't just go home and abandon Sirius to be consumed by his guilt…..even if it was a bit tempting.

"Professor Corbyn?" he called again, knocking louder.

"One minute Mr. Potter," came a muffled call and James pressed his ear to the door hearing what sounded like a crash. Then the door open and Professor Corbyn stood there looking as put together and as willing to support a student as ever. Convinced he must have heard something drop or whatnot, James quickly entered the professor's office without preamble and began to explain to him in a torrent how badly Sirius was doing, taking comfort in the flames that seemed to calm him down.

"I see, thank you Mr. Potter for letting me know. I understand you're in a very difficult position but I want you to know that I think you're doing quite a remarkable job."

James' chest swelled with pride, glad a professor could notice his efforts, because he really was trying his bloody best. He noticed his professor glance at the fireplace that was behind James and smile softly letting out a breath of relief. Though maybe it was a sigh? James couldn't be certain nor did he care much, he just needed to know Professor Corbyn would handle things.

"Can you fix him?"

"I'll try to talk to him, Mr. Potter but when I tried speaking to him before Mr. Black refused to speak to me and I can't force any of my students to do so."

"If I can get him to come do you think you can get him to eat or something, please professor I'm really worried about him."

"Yes I see that and of course I will try James however if I can't you may need to take him to the matron. ...Why is that so displeasing to you?"

James wondered vaguely how his professor knew he didn't want Sirius going to the matron since he was pretty sure he was keeping a neutral face. James had been trying to be better at his poker face because Sirius kept beating him at the bluffing card game called Wizard's Buffoon, only he knew he still did a pretty bad job at it. James wished he could get Sirius to play cards with him, he didn't even think he'd be mad at Sirius as long as he was nicer to Remus going forward and would go back to normal!

"Mr. Potter?"

"Sorry…..it's because I think the matron knows….about Remus I mean…...and about what happened…..and I don't want her being mad at Sirius sir."

"Surely you don't think Madam Pomfrey would let her feelings get in the way of her duties as matron? I'm sure she'd give Sirius the appropriate tonics."

"She already doesn't like us sir and I don't want her not letting us visit Remus when he's in there anymore than she already does."

Professor Corbyn smiled at that seeming amused.

"I suppose that makes sense. However I think you'll find the matron will be more open to you visiting Mr. Lupin now that you know about his condition…..assuming you don't rile him up too much that is," Professor Corbyn pointed out.

He hadn't really considered that before!

"That's a good point. Professor Corbyn, do you think I should just take him there?"

"Well I'd like to talk to him first if he's alright with it. I know he cares deeply about Mr. Lupin but I also know he has…..very strong feelings about dark creatures and I would like to check in with him to assure he can keep those things separate."

James nodded keeping his mouth shut on just how strong those feelings Sirius had were and why. Feeling a bit uncomfortable as he got the sensation that Professor Corbyn very much wanted to know why too he shifted slightly glancing at the now pale yellow flames. Knowing their professor was sharp and curious made James think twice about bringing Sirius here. But he realized Professor Corbyn was the best chance Remus and Sirius had of ever getting back to the friendship they had before and he figured it was worth the risk.

"Well Mr. Potter I think I've taken up enough of your time. I thank you for...enlightening me about some things regarding Mr. Black. I sincerely hope to see him here soon but either way I recommend he goes to see Madam Pomfrey alright?"

"Alright sir. Thank you professor Corbyn."

"What for Mr. Potter?"

"Well…..for listening and knowing about Remus and….I guess for caring…." James explained awkwardly, feeling a bit foolish but also so grateful for his professor who he still had faith in to somehow help Sirius. Professor Corbyn smiled widely at him.

"You're very welcome Mr. Potter."

….

How Sirius found himself sitting in front of Professor Corbyn he wasn't entirely sure. He found the office uncomfortable and the flames from the fire distracting as they kept leaping from color to color. He turned his chair slightly so he didn't have to see the ugly flames, because really what kind of professor wanted his fireplace to have grey and brown flames? Sirius stared down Professor Corbyn waiting for him to speak, the tension inside him growing and growing.

He felt awful! He felt the worst he had ever felt before and he was sure this professor was judging him. Judging him for being a close-minded bigot, for hurting his friend, and losing his damn mind in that shack. He just knew Professor Corbyn was looking down on him, and while Sirius felt like utter crap for being so cruel to Remus and was terrified they'd never be friends again he wasn't about to let this….this man who never had to struggle with the hate Sirius found in his heart towards dark creatures make him feel worse than he already did!

His professor couldn't possibly understand him.

Professor Corbyn was never tortured by a dark creature only to find out Remus was one. Remus….Remus was a werewolf. Sirius curled in on himself holding back a sob.

How was that still so hard to accept?

He'd been torturing himself over it for days, replaying each cruel word he had said to his friend and trying with all his might not to still mean it slightly. Sirius felt tears dribble off the tip of his nose. He was the worst kind of person. James had been right in saying he was like his family. Sirius hated his family more than dark creatures, in fact he was pretty sure his family were dark creatures.

He hated himself.

"Would you like a handkerchief Mr. Black?" Professor Corbyn asked gently. Sirius straightened about to tell Corbyn no and to get up and leave because he sure as hell wasn't being held here against his will. James said he had to go which he had assumed to mean he was in trouble. But what was the worst Corbyn could do if he didn't cooperate...give him detention? Sirius deserved detention, Dumbledore hadn't given him any punishment at all which didn't make sense. He knew the headmaster had said Sirius was punishing himself enough but what did that even mean? And why couldn't stupid Dumbledore just punish him so maybe he could then begin to feel like he had paid sightly for what he had done to Remus?

Because it hadn't just been that awful utterly dreadful night in the shrieking shack, which technically had NOT been Christmas as it had passed midnight. ...But this Christmas had been a pretty terrible one even without finding out Remus' secret and behaving like a complete arsehole because of it. Which was a point of great

"Mr. Black…...are you alright?"

Sirius sat up intending to get up and go for real this time only to find his professor holding out the handkerchief, the stupid handkerchief. Seeing this young professor with a handkerchief made Sirius think of Remus and how last year the eleven year old boy had offered him a handkerchief, not even seeming to realize how weird a gesture that was coming from a child.

Thinking of Remus hurt so much.

Sirius took the handkerchief before he realized he was doing so and wiped his eyes glaring at Professor Corbyn who watched him thoughtfully for a few moments, glancing at the fire before leaning forward slightly. Still expecting to be in trouble in some way Sirius couldn't help but jerk back slightly and he didn't at all like the something close to confirmation that meant he must truly be paranoid to think he was seeing on his professor's face. Because there was no way he could know about Sirius' parents and grandparents! No way he could know about the cane that Sirius would be whacked with or the stinging curse that would leave welts on his back and legs, or…..or the dementor.

Sirius shuddered and hated the look of sadness that Professor Corbyn directed at him

"What do you want?" Sirius demanded sounding hostile, which surely would result in detention.

"What do you think I want Mr. Black?" Professor Corbyn asked gently, leaning back in his chair, still regarding Sirius closely. Far too closely.

"Just give me my detentions and let me leave," he snapped, crossing his arms in defiance.

"Do you want detention, Mr. Black?"

The question threw him off. Want detentions? He never wanted detention! What a ridiculous question, a stupid question that should not make him cry as it did. Dammit, what was wrong with him!

"yes…..I know….I should be in trouble…." he heard himself choke out in horror.

"Why?"

"Why?! WHY?," Sirius shouted, jumping to his feet which neither seemed to surprise nor bother Professor Corbyn and which only served to infuriate him further. "I'll tell you why. Because I can't stop thinking Remus is a monster. I know he's not, I bloody know he's not. I shouldn't be afraid of him I shouldn't….." Sirius sunk into his chair burying his face into the stupid handkerchief.

"Why?" Professor Corbyn asked calmly, once more surprising Sirius.

"Why what?" he asked angrily, wanting to see some sort of annoyance or even fear in his professor's eyes but only finding a sort of calm that made him feel uneasy.

"What about you finding Remus to be dangerous equates needing detention."

"Are you stupid?" Sirius asked, a bit surprised at himself for talking in such a way to a professor. But when Corbyn didn't yell at him he kept on going, "because I'm his friend and I hurt him. I said terrible things to him that I knew I shouldn't have... I couldn't seem to stop. I was awful to him and I deserve to be punished because of it."

Sirius expected another 'why' but none came. He breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly as the silence stretched and stretched and he grew more and more uncomfortable.

"I called him a monster and the way he was crying…..it was awful….and then…... I didn't mean to but I just couldn't stop….I was so frightened and I didn't even seem to be seeing him…."

"That must have been really scary," professor Corbyn remarked softly.

"It was!" Sirius wailed, "I knew Remus was hiding something for the longest time and I wanted to know what but I thought it had something to do with his dad…" Sirius froze but when Corbyn didn't ask what he meant by that he continued, "I didn't think he was…...was…. that he was hiding being some monster!"

"Do you feel betrayed?"

"Yes!"

"Because he lied to you?"

"No, it's because he's a monster because….he's…..he's one of them…."

"One of them?" his professor asked softly, a mere whisper and Sirius knew, he knew he should stop talking but Corbyn seemed to have woven some sort of spell around him and he couldn't stop the words from pouring from his mouth.

"A dark creature. Like a dementor….I saw one, James told me it was Remus... that I pulled away from Remus and that's why he left. But I wasn't seeing him. I swear I wasn't. I just was seeing awful things…...that dark creature….but Remus is one too…... I don't want to be around a dark creature….I don't want to be hurt by one... again..." Sirius ranted a sort of frenzy of emotions overtaking him that almost felt good to let out. But then he realized what he had said….what he had voiced and he fell quiet shaking in his chair.

If Professor Corbyn was smart enough to question if he looked too closely. Sirius didn't know what his parents would do to him if they found out he'd told. Crucio him? While his mother never had before, there had been threats. Sirius knew nothing good would come from some stupid good doer adult alerting the authorities.

"Mr. Black is it Remus' fault he's a werewolf?"

Sirius let out the breath he had been holding.

"Yes!" he exclaimed despite feeling horrible about it.

"Why?"

"He should have been more careful!"

"What if he was very young."

Sirius stopped breathing again, looking up at Professor Corbyn who seemed sad but still infuriatingly calm. Did this man not care? Did he not wonder why Sirius had been hurt by a dementor?

"How…..young?"

Professor Corbyn shook his head slightly, a small smile on his face.

"Mr. Black I take the confidence of my students seriously and this is not a detail Mr. Lupin would want disclosed. I am merely asking you if you would feel it would be Remus' fault if he had been very young. How young let's say would he have to be for what happened to him to not be his fault?"

Sirius furrowed his brow thinking about the question realizing he couldn't assign a number. Why was five different than six or eight different from nine? Even if Remus had been bitten before starting Hogwarts last year, since Sirius knew it had at least been before then, that still seemed really young.

"I…... I don't know…." he admitted wearily.

"Let's say you brother Regulus was bitten over the summer would you blame him?"

"No!" Sirius cried outraged at the notion. His brother was an idiot sure but there was no way Sirius would blame him if some monster attacked him.

"Why is Remus different? You know he was at the very least younger than Regulus at the time he was bitten correct."

Sirius was beginning to see where this was going and a sort of weight settled on his chest as he nodded. Shouldn't that make him feel better? Why was he still so upset?

"...Remus he….he knows better….," he explained to his professor.

"Why?"

Because he's like me!

Sirius was confused by that though since he knew Remus and him were very different people. In fact, the fundamental difference of Remus being a werewolf where Sirius wasn't was for starters a huge difference. But as Sirius began to think about it he realized he thought Remus should know better…. Not because he was older than Regulus but because Remus had been hurt by his family... had been in a similar position to Sirius. Didn't that make him more mature than others?

But what if Remus had been really really young?

"Why is this so hard!" he exclaimed, angry tears of frustration pricking his eyes.

"Because you've been badly hurt by dark creatures," Professor Corbyn replied so matter of factly and calmly that Sirius hardly even took note of what he had said.

"But that doesn't mean Remus will hurt me...right?"

"Do you think he will?"

"No…...no never!" Sirius growled out, then realized what he had just confirmed for Professor Corbyn. "Stop that!" he snarled.

"Stop what?"

"You're tricking me, stop it. What are you doing to me? Did you drug me?"

"Mr. Black I assure you the only magic in this room is the fireplace which eases and absorbs some of the emotions in the room to improve the level of calm and safety from my students and if you wish me to stop it I will. But you have not been charmed or drugged. I am merely listening to you as you deserved to have someone do a long time ago."

"Why aren't you asking me questions then?" Sirius asked confused. His professor knew he had been hurt by dark creatures, badly. But somehow didn't think it was worth talking about?

"Do you want me to?"

"No," Sirius replied sharply and gaped as Professor Corbyn raised his hands in a gesture of simple surrender.

"Then I won't Mr. Black. I respect your privacy, though I would like to point out that if you'd like to talk to me about it I will listen."

Sirius sat there absolutely stunned having never met a man quite like his professor before. Somewhere along the way this strange man had gained Sirius' respect, which was something he never would have imagined Professor Corbyn would ever have. Stranger yet Sirius oddly found himself trusting the professor both because he didn't tell Sirius anything about Remus that he didn't already know Sirius knew, which he supposed could be because his professor also didn't know, but Sirius didn't think so.

Then the fact that his professor was actually not asking him about the dementor when he actually seemed concerned about it still was making Sirius actually want to talk to him….just a little and certainly not about the dementors. But as Sirius uncrossed his arms he decided to let his professor help and began to actually talk to him about Remus, wanting things to go back to how they were.

By the end of their talk Sirius realized things wouldn't be the same with Remus but that wasn't necessarily bad. Sirius had hurt Remus but that didn't mean he couldn't make it up to him. No one had ever tried to make it up to Sirius when they badly hurt him. So as foolish and stupid as not thinking of it himself sounded Sirius hadn't really considered the fact that he could regain Remus' trust and friendship. Because if there was one thing Sirius was determined to do better with upon leaving Professor Corbyn's office was that he would not be like his parents.

"How are you feeling mate?" James asked, getting to his feet when Sirius walked outside. James looked nervous, looking Sirius up and down as if expecting to find the answer to if Sirius was better or not.

"Checking me out James? Like what you see," Sirius teased and James leaped forward with a shout of relief and joy, pulling Sirius into a tight hug.

"Good to have you back mate, it's bloody good to have you back."

Sirius hugged James feeling something he hadn't felt in days, hope.

He supposed Professor Corbyn wasn't that bad after all...

"Ow," he shouted as James hit him over the head.

"Now that you look alive again I can be mad at you. And I am Black I'm bloody pissed!" James exclaimed, though still seemed a bit too excited and relieved to get the glare entirely correct. But Sirius knew James was mad as he should be.

"I know James and I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me…. I really am sorry."

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

"I know."

"So….you'll be his friend?" James asked nervously. Sirius considered the question because Professor Corbyn had surprisingly given Sirius permission not to be friends with Remus if he wanted to. Explaining that if Remus' lycanthropy was a deal-breaker for the friendship that it would hurt Remus but hurt less than Sirius pretending it wasn't

"Of course. If….well if he still wants to be," Sirius declared because he knew nothing would stop him from being friends with Remus. He knew he still had to get used to the idea of him being a werewolf but Professor Corbyn had explained lycanthropy again, and for the first time Sirius had actually listened...so he wasn't afraid anymore. Upset Remus had hid it for so long, even though he was painstakingly aware of why, but no longer afraid.

"Ow," James exclaimed as Sirius whacked him over the head.

"That's for hiding from me that you knew you twat!"

"Arsehole."

"Dick head!"

"Flying monkey cock sucker."

"Baked bunion-smelling bastard."

James and Sirius both glared at each other before they started laughing. As they headed to the kitchens, since James declared Sirius had better eat a feast tonight so he didn't worry, James threw his arm around Sirius' shoulder.

"It really is good to have you back mate. Now we just need Remus back."

Exactly. Now they just needed Remus back, and Sirius had a lot of apologizing to do. More apologizing than he would ever before consider doing. However, if anything he was eager to do it. But first Remus had to return, and Sirius really hoped that would be soon.