Chapter Ten: The Unofficial Clubhouse

James helped Remus breathe for several minutes until Remus realized he could take a shaky breath and he inhaled deeply breathing on his own. Realizing Remus was ok James collapsed next to him on the grass.

"Merlin's beard! That was scary...you usually go through this alone mate?" James asked his tone shaky once more and Remus was pretty sure he was crying.

"Uh...uh I guess...they usually aren't this...bad.." Remus explained shakily though he knew that wasn't entirely true, especially back when he had been much smaller. He could quite vividly still remember similar feelings, similar experiences happening to him when he was small. Back then his mother had just held his little trembling body to hers shaking as she told him to listen to her heartbeat and would hum until he could breathe properly again.

"My...mum used to help..." Remus explained trying not to feel like a moron and failing.

"Lily said it's called anxiety...muggles go pretty mental about it...but I guess there are some wizards in Sweden who are ahead of the times or something...they've come up with this whole way of helping only it doesn't use wands so most wizards think it's rubbish. But blimey I guess it isn't huh?" James asked happily. "I'll have to tell Lily her research paid off. She'll be happy about that. She's really cute when she goes off about her research...only she thinks I'm teasing her when I say that.. she almost hexed me because of it but I don't understand I'm just trying to be nice to her you know?"

"I'm sorry James..." Remus cried, hiding his face from James which was silly since James was crying too. Remus just felt so humiliated!

"What for? Oh that...well you can't help it, can you...I'd be...well I mean you got good reason to panic you know? Only...mmmm...will it...make you panic...ifIaskyousomthin...?" James asked in a rush sounding uneasy as he twisted slightly so he could look at Remus who peaked at him through his fingers.

"I...I don't think so."

"What caused it...you to panic that is?"

Remus hesitated but he knew if he didn't say something he might likely start panicking again and that was a thoroughly unpleasant thought.

"...the shack...I...it's not a 'cool place' for me..." he explained watching through his fingers as James realized what he meant and lightly slapped his hand to his forehead.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Only...do you think we could make it better? Make it a place of happy memories?"

"James have you forgotten my blood is over that place...it's...I m...mark it..." Remus snapped utterly horrified. James shifted uncomfortably and went pale.

"Oh...yeah...but I mean we could clean it..."

"Every month? James that doesn't seem practical..."

"Would it help you? And actually think before you answer ok, because I will personally clean it all by myself once a week hell every day if it would actually help you." James said seriously then seemed to realize how embarrassing what he said was because he buried his face in his hands the tips of his ears pink.

"Thank you, James,...I...I don't know...if it's possible to have good memories there..."

"But could that help?" James asked desperately and Remus realized how badly his friend wanted to do something, anything to help.

"I...we can try James thanks...But I don't...you guys got to let me clean it myself..."

"Absolutely not!"

"James it's embarrassing!"

"So is wetting the bed but Sirius does it all the time and he's fine."

This gave Remus pause.

"He...he does?"

"Well...no," James grinned sheepishly, "but if he did would that matter to you?"

"No."

"Well, then there's your answer. We aren't going to leave you alone in that shack...uh until we have to that is..." James added quickly and Remus paled fearing where this was going. "But before you change we could hang out there...you know leave at the nick of time sort of thing."

"James NO, no absolutely not!"

"Ok...ok calm down jeez it was merely a suggestion Remus. Bollocks….look I'm sorry I'm really sorry we won't if it stresses you out that much ok."

Remus nodded, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, wondering what the heck he had done to earn such good friends.

"Hey, Remus I want you to know that I'll try to...to hold back Sirius' enthusiasm... He seems to think you'll tell us every little thing...but that sounds a little too easy. Only...only if you could tell some...could let us in a little more. I promise you we can handle it."

Remus highly doubted that. How could they handle it when he even couldn't and he had been living with these truths most of his life?

"I see that look. Fine...fine yeah it might be as depressing as hell but...but...shit I swear I'm not usually this much of a sissy," James sniffed tearing up again..." it's just...you go through so much alone Remus...you have for a long time but you don't have to anymore...I don't think you realize that...do you?"

Remus hesitated then shook his head and James let out a sigh then grinned.

"Well, we'll convince you don't worry just...just keep letting us ok..."

Remus hesitated and luckily didn't have to answer since Sirius and Peter appeared coming down the hill.

"There they are...you really think Peter will be ok?"

"Sirius will punch him out if he's not...kidding, just kidding... well I think...but anyways yeah it will be fine. But hey, the worst is over, right?"

Remus wished that was true, oh he wished that was true with all of his heart.

...

Peter knew something big was happening. For Sirius to drag him out of class right as the bell rang, spouting some nonsense to Flitwick about them coming right back.

"You know we're going to be in a lot of trouble right?" Peter asked wearily

"Uhu, isn't it great!" Sirius practically sang absolutely beaming. He looked quite silly but Peter preferred that to how angry and explosive he had been the past week or so. Being alone with Sirius usually made him a bit nervous but not when he was like this.

"I'm guessing you and Remus made up then?"

"Yes, and today is the official Marauder's Will Be Friends For Life Day, MWBFFLD for short," Sirius said in all one breath.

"So...that means..."

"That means we're going to miss all classes today of course. You can't go to class on a holiday silly!"

Peter figured that's what it had meant. Normally he would have been thrilled but his marks weren't stellar like his other friends...and he had promised to help Marlene with Astronomy which was perhaps the only class that Peter was doing better in than his friends for some reason.

"Where are we going?"

"To...well that's a surprise you'll see. It will be our clubhouse...oh...I forgot to check if that was fine with Remus….. But I'm sure it's fine. We'll have so much fun and it will help some of the crappiness of that pace go away."

Peter was completely lost but he had learned if he pretended not to be he usually irritated James and Sirius less, especially Sirius who had patience the size of one of those little bead earrings that Marlene sometimes wore. That was to say Sirius' patience was extremely little.

"Oh, you'd never believe what happened I ran into Professor Corbyn on the way to get you. He was waiting on top of the hill and I figured I was busted but he only asked if things had gone well which they obviously had. I mean I had no doubt they would all work out in the end."

Peter bit back a laugh as that was a load of rubbish. But he knew that Sirius knew that so he didn't interrupt him.

"And Corbyn said that he was assuming we were skipping class and then said that as our professor he was disappointed but as someone who went to Hogwarts not long ago and had a great group of friends too he understood. He understood? Blimey, how old do you think he really is? At first, I thought he was ancient... like 40 something but now I'm thinking like his 20s even...you know I bet Remus will be a professor in his 20s...blimey that's so long away. Oh, I'm so excited Peter things are going to be ok!... That's such a good feeling and we now know what's going on...oh well you don't but you will soon..."

Peter was trying to keep up with Sirius' story when the boy suddenly shoved him against the wall right as they were about to head outside.

"What are you doing?" he yelped, fearful that Sirius had finally snapped.

"Don't be an arse like I was alright? Promise me you'll do better." When Peter hesitated because he was simply baffled Sirius gave him a little shake looking cross, "promise me."

"Alright alright, I promise...Sirius, I already know I don't see what the big issue is," Peter protested but Sirius didn't reply and just kept walking.

Then they were walking down the hill and Peter saw that Remus was sort of curled up on the ground and James was laying on his side.

"And James had the nerve to call us poofs," Sirius scoffed, grinning, then took off running.

"Wait for me," Peter called but of course he didn't. By the time Peter reached them since his legs were considerably smaller than James's and he was less athletic, Sirius and James were helping Remus not to fall as he looked quite dizzy.

There he was faking again to get all of Sirius' and James' attention. What Peter didn't understand is why Rmeus' dad being a werewolf led to such drama. It was pretty ridiculous...

"Alright, we're all ready?"

"Um...but how do we get in...I don't really know which knot...plus its daylight."

"That's why I ran back to our dorm and snagged this," Sirius declared proudly, pulling out the invisibility cloak from his bag.

"Good thinking mate but there's a lot of knots..." James explained glancing sideways at Remus and Peter wondered what he and Sirius had missed. Odd, usually it was what he and James had missed with Sirius and Remus. Peter felt a twinge of jealousy, he wanted to have some sort of secret with James, something the other two weren't privy to.

"I know it's towards the bottom," Remus explained though looked less than thrilled about it. Peter figured they must be playing so prank that Remus wasn't entirely ok with. Peter gulped, if Remus looked that upset about the prank it was probably going to be dreadful. But Peter didn't dare back out, he didn't want to be called a sissy for a week like he had been called last time by Sirius and James.

"Well, we can tryyyy James, don't be such downers guys today's a great day. Oi, come on Peter we haven't got all day," Sirius grinned with a smirk, because apparently, they in fact did have all day.

Peter followed them, his confusion growing as they all huddled under the invisibility cloak walking in a weird way with their knees bent so the cloak would cover down to their feet. It was ridiculous and Peter kept trying not to laugh since the excitement Sirius had previously was expressing had seemingly soured and James and Remus weren't far off.

Peter's confusion further grew as they approached the Whomping Willow and he was completely lost when after a whole half an hour of being cramped under the cloak, half an hour, they got the Whomping Willow to stop moving and all huddled around what appeared to be a secret passage taking turns disappearing down it until James went last pulling the cloak down with him. Peter realized that if anyone had been watching from the castle they wouldn't have seen anything….which was clearly the point.

But why? Just how dangerous would whatever they were about to do be exactly?

Peter was puzzled but he was used to being puzzled by his friends and was quite content to follow them as long as it didn't lead to him getting into too much trouble or being in too much danger, preferably none. Peter was pretty sure as he walked into the shack with blood on the walls and a smell that made him wrinkle his nose in disgust that this time his dumb friends had somehow managed to do both.

"What is...is this...place….." Peter asked, looking around and shuddering at the large claw gauges on the wall. James, Sirius, and Remus didn't answer the three of them falling dead silent something tense in the air around them that Peter hoped would lead to them realizing whatever the hell this was that it was a mistake.

"Merlin's beard….it's not very big is it….." James began in a choked voice followed quickly by Sirius.

"That…... I didn't…..notice last time how much blood…"

Both of them sounded sad rather than scared though which truly was bizarre. Then Peter's eyes fell on Remus' face, his eyes staring at the floorboards, his fists tight by his side, looking….guilty.

"Was this your idea Remus?" Peter asked in a shaky voice, having the sense to be afraid since apparently, his friends had lost all of theirs.

"Sirius…..I don't think this was the best idea…" James whispered pointing to Remus who had started shaking. Sirius bit his lip then pointed his wand and shouted scourgify.

"Well don't just stand there looking daft James come on and help." Sirius barked waving his wand around at whatever surface he could see bubbles appearing over everything which helped with the smell but didn't do much to remove the bloodstains, at least the ones that appeared to have been there for some time.

Peter was beyond flabbergasted.

"What the hell is going on guys?" he asked paling as James and Sirius, who now were both scrubbing and seemed quite pale, looked to Remus to answer. This had to do with Remus. Whatever this was it was…..was about Remus. Peter looked around again, his gaze lingering on the large claws…... Remus' dad wasn't the werewolf he realized letting out a sort of squeak and passing out.