Chapter Thirteen: The Face of a Troll

The Marauder partied the whole of the third, bellies full of sweets and pumpkin juice, quite elated with themselves and their spectacular camaraderie. The next day they faked that they had all caught the stomach bug to their unamused professors. They only got away with it because Peter was becoming an expert at faking sick and it didn't take much for Remus to look like he might pass out.

After classes, James, who had picked up on Sirius' signals in class, followed him to the owlery where there was the fortunate position of being able to hear if anyone was climbing the steps long before anyone could hear your conversation.

"Should have thought of this yesterday," Sirius muttered though James wasn't sure what he was talking about. James had been dying to know what Sirius had talked to Remus about; what Sirius had found out. Only based on how Remus had cheered up considerably during their celebrations James imagines Sirius hadn't learned much.

"So what did Remus say? Did he reveal all the secrets to you?" James asked eagerly as they climbed the stairs.

"Oi, pipe down! Someone could hear." Sirius shushed and James rolled his eyes finding it slightly bemusing that Sirius was now so protective of Remus' secret when before the 'self-proclaimed detective would have done just about anything to figure it out.

"It's fine Sirius, no one is snogging or mailing letters this time of day besides it's not like I'm talking about Remus' secret," James explained receiving an elbow from Sirius in response.

"Hurry up already slowpoke," James added after a few impatient moments since he was caught behind Sirius who had slowed down and was walking in dramatic ease up the steps.

Sirius laughed as James gave him a playful shove and started walking at a normal speed again until they reached the top where he stopped quite suddenly. James was sure Sirius was just being a git but then a thoroughly unpleasant voice called down to them.

"Black," came the cool nasally tone that James knew all too well, and hated.

"Snivellus," Sirius shot back with his on guard haughty tone. James paled realizing Severus might have overheard what he had been saying to Sirius. If Snivellus ever found out Remus' secret James was quite certain that he'd kill the grease ball to protect his friend. "I'm surprised you have anyone to write Snivellus, haven't your mummy and daddy told you they don't actually like you and that you're adopted yet. What with that large nose I think you may be half-troll...you certainly have the face of a troll," Sirius sneered and James laughed in response. James elbowed his way up past Sirius so that he could see Severus who was in the middle of selecting an owl to tie his rolled up letter onto.

James' eyes gleamed, finding great fun in outnumbering Severus and blocking his way down. This was a fact that the ugly little boy seemed too aware of and the tension in the air grew suffocating as Black and Severus stared each other down.

"It's me that should be surprised that you have anyone to write to, what with you being the disgrace of your family, Black. Have you even gotten an invitation to your cousin's wedding yet? By the surprise on your face, I guess not. Although I would be careful if I were you I hear she has big plans," Severus replied coolly as if he believed he would somehow get past both Sirius and James unscathed. What a joke! Snivelus wasn't escaping, especially not after saying something like that!

James expected Sirius to say something cruel back and perhaps cast a hex at Severus before he could get the chance to attempt to do so to them. Instead, Sirius didn't respond, seemingly taken aback by the comment.

"What do you mean she has big plans?" Sirius asked and there was no mistaking the worry in his tone. Severus smirked or scowled or a mix of both, James never could really quite tell. Then the Slytherin got to his feet mistakingly thinking he now had the upper hand.

"Must be hard being the only person in your family who doesn't have a shred of intelligence or respect," Severus replied with a nasty grin showing just how much he liked to taunt Sirius on that topic in particular.

"I don't know Snivellus, how about you tell us what that's like," James shot back, not about to let Severus get the upper hand. James couldn't help but step in at the defense of his friend because he didn't at all like the smug look on the Slytherin boy's face. Also, James was afraid Sirius had been too taken aback by Snivellus' comment to come up with a good comeback himself. "Hey Sirius, considering Snivellus is a little dark wizard in training I would say it's doing a public service to screen his mail before he sends it."

James beamed as a flash of apprehension crossed Severus' eyes. Though more importantly, his comment seemed to have snapped Sirius out of whatever thoughts he had been having.

"You know what James, I think you have a point," Sirius declared, taking a threatening step towards Severus who shrunk back all traces of uncaring gone from his demeanor.

"Don't you dare Black," the Slytherin snapped, though his voice seemed to tremble slightly. James took several steps himself drawing his wand at the same time both Sirius and Severus drew theirs.

"Tell you what Snivellus, hand it over and we won't hex you. In fact…" Sirius added glancing out the window and looking thoughtful. "Perhaps we ought to see how you like it being thrown out a window. Last I checked slimy snakes don't know how to fly."

James glanced at Sirius a bit worried he'd actually do it. But surely his friend wouldn't go that far. Only the Black family had been mentioned and that was as sure a way as any to make Sirius unpredictable and hostile. Severus, it seemed, was unsure whether Sirius was joking or not also. Honestly, it was possible Sirius wasn't even sure if he was joking or not.

"That….I had nothing to do with that," Severus exclaimed, going paler than his usual pasty pale which easily gave him the complexion of a ghost.

"That was the wrong answer. Pettrificus totalus," Sirius shouted, watching as Severus went completely rigid. With the Slytherin's body seized up and unable to move he toppled forward with a satisfying thump onto the floor littered with owl droppings. A few owls hooted indignantly and several ruffled up their feathers but most ignored the boys.

"You aren't actually going to throw him out the window are you?" James asked uncomfortably as Sirius knelt down and ripped the letter out of Severus' clamped shut hand.

"No, don't be daft James," Sirius scoffed but James noticed with slight discomfort that Sirius glanced to the window one more time before tearing open into the letter, half of it in his hand and half of it still trapped in Snivillus' clenched fist. Sirius cleared his throat and unrolled the half of the letter he had with the dramatic flair of a town squire opening a message from the king himself.

"Ahem, Dear mummy, 'awwww,' Snivillus, seems you do care about someone other than yourself, 'how sweet'," Sirius taunted and continued reading in the voice one might expect a rather daft five-year-old to have, and a spoiled one at that. "I hope you are well. I have been doing better myself and have been making more friends. I also went to the dance with L….hmm. James, I bet you can guess who he lied about going to the dance with to his dear mum."

James felt a stab of anger go through him and he smashed his foot into Severus' frozen face without thinking. There was a look of frozen rage that seemed fitting on the Slytherin 'statue' whose face had been lifted slightly from the force of James' kick before Snivellus' face fell fittingly back into the turds underneath it once more.

"Creep," James muttered, then nodded at Sirius who had been looking at him impatiently and who quickly resumed reading the letter.

"I also went to the dance with Lily. Unfortunately that awful urchin Lupin boy I wrote to you about before stole her away…" Sirius stopped short, sending a well-aimed kick into Severus' side. "Remus is neither awful nor an urchin. He's better than you'll ever be Snivellus and don't you forget that. Also, he didn't steal Lily, you lying wanker," Sirius shouted and James nodded in agreement unsure whether to find the fact Severus was lying to his mom about Lily and Remus amusing or just plain sick.

"Anywaaaaaaays where was I?…...hmmm let's see Snivellus being a creep….Snivellus being a creepy Mumma's boy….ah yes, Snivellus crying to his Mumma…. "You haven't written to me in weeks. I don't know why you spend all your time waiting for him to change when you know he won't. You must write soon or I will begin to worry. Remember what we talked about mum and don't let him hit….." Sirius stopped quite abruptly glancing at Severus with a scowl. "That's all it says...rest got ripped," Sirius explained when James questioned him about the sudden conclusion.

"Well let's unfreeze him and get the rest," James suggested, finding the letter to be a great source of amusement, especially in the dramatic demented voice Sirius had read it in. James thought Sirius almost looked regretful then a rather uncaring board look appeared in his eyes and James realized he must have been mistaken. Besides, why on earth would Sirius ever regret teasing Severus?

"Why bother? I'm sure it's just a bunch of rubbish and you know what they say about rubbish, you've got to toss it out." Sirius let out a derisive laugh, crumpling the letter in his fist and tossing it out the window like the piece of trash it was. "Come on James, let's go we've got class in a few minutes."

James' brows furrowed, surprised that Sirius seemed done with the fun already.

"You sure you don't want to hex him first, mate?" James asked in confusion and Sirius shrugged, tugging James so they started heading out of the little owlery.

"Nah, it's not worth the effort and if we're late for class we might get detention considering we skipped yesterday and all. Besides…" Sirius glanced back at Severus who was still lying frozen on top of bird feces and whose eyes James was sure would be burning with rage if they could see them, "...Severus' existence is punishment for him enough." Sirius decided, and even though James didn't get it he followed his friend to class. Besides, James figured there would be ample time to hex Severus in the future!

…

While James enjoyed getting back at Severus for merely being the creep he was, he was disappointed he had not gotten any information out of Sirius about Remus. He tried asking Sirius, subtly of course, but his friend didn't seem to be in the mood to talk about it anymore and told James he would fill him in after classes.

This meant that James had to wonder for hours about what Remus could have told Sirius before deciding on it as being a whole lot of nothing so that he could focus on his in-class transfiguration assignment of turning his book into a tea kettle. This was made slightly more difficult by Professor McGonagall's eyes on him as he worked as if she could sense he and Sirius had been previously up to no good. Then after a less than quick nap during History of Magic, Sirius and James explained they had homework to catch up on to a bewildered Remus and Peter, scarfed down some food, and headed back to the owlery. Unfortunately upon entering the owlery, they discovered Severus was no longer there. What a pity!

"OK, so for the fifteenth time, Sirius. What did you and Remus talk about?" James asked with all the patience he could muster, so zip zilch nada, none.

"There's no need to shout James. I didn't get any details or anything. I mean even I have a hard time asking questions like that, you know? Honestly, all Remus really told me is that he basically is just having a hard time s'all," Sirius explained as if this made everything clear while he pulled out a sheet of parchment and scribbled something down.

"You, writing the true version of events to Snivillus' mum?" James asked with amusement.

Sirius scoffed still hunched over the parchment that he was quickly filling with words.

"That would be bloody brilliant but no, I'm writing to my uncle, he's a great curse-breaker so he comes across all sorts of stuff."

"So?"

"Soooo you dimmwit, I reckon my uncle will know if there's something to know about helping werewolves. And before you jump down my throat about Remus' secret I'm telling him it's for a project and also asking about what would help vampires. Considering I've been….well, I was complaining to him about Professor Corbyn earlier on in the year, he won't think twice about it."

"Blimey, that's a good idea mate! I would do all the research in the world if it meant helping Remus but it would be fantastic if we didn't have to," James pointed, feeling a great deal of relief not wanting to spend as much time researching werewolves as they had spent researching comas during their first year at Hogwarts.

"Agreed," Sirius mumbled distractedly as he chose his owl with far more consideration than could possibly be necessary.

"But I'm still confused as to why Remus is upset?" James asked slouching against the wall as he watched his friend pass over two large dark owls.

"Why?" Sirius asked looking up from his task of tying the parchment to a large ebony-colored owl whose puffed-out chest made it look like it might topple over in the breeze.

"Exactly, why is Remus upset? We're all on board now, so shouldn't he be...I don't know, grateful and happy the rest of the year?" James asked expecting Sirius to start grumbling about how Remus was being a poor sport about something or other.

"Well….I mean yeah,...at least I think he should be happy. But he's not….and you know….it's just a lot," Sirius pointed out uncomfortably.

"What is?" James asked, still confused.

"Oh, Godric. I don't know James. Let's see, perhaps the fact he turns into a bloody werewolf once a month!" Sirius replied harshly and James rolled his eyes.

"No I get that, but I mean that's better now. We're going to still be his friends and support him. We accept him, Sirius. I don't get it. Isn't that a good thing?"

Sirius frowned, closing his eyes momentarily, his eyebrows furrowed in a look of deep concentration before he opened his eyes again.

"It is a good thing. But not everyone accepts him, and I know you don't get why that matters but…..but it just does, yeah? I mean..., blimey James his dad hates him... Imagine if your dad hated you for…...oh I don't know, having messy hair," Sirius struggled to explain.

"That's ridiculous," James scoffed trying to picture his dad hating him for anything.

"Obviously it's ridiculous but that's not the point now is it?" Sirius explained impatiently and James scoffed but tried to think about it. "Imagine…..imagine your dad has said oh….oh, I don't know "you're ugly James." Don't make such an offended noise, you arse, you aren't 'that' good looking."

"I am too!" James protested losing track of trying to think about his dad not liking his hair which was simply too amusing since James had seen the pictures of his dad having the same hair as him back when he was James' age. Besides, there was just no one who could dislike something about themselves that Euphemia Potter loved about them.

"Don't flatter yourself, James. I'm clearly the best-looking friend," Sirius retorted cheekily.

"Absolutely not!" James huffed giving Sirius a playful shove. Sirius grinned but then caught himself shaking his head and looking stern once more.

"You git! This isn't the point James. You were supposed to focus on…"

"Then you shouldn't have insulted me, you arse," James protested, jabbing Sirius' chest half playfully half with irritation. Some people were so arrogant!

"Ugh, you moron I wasn't. But come on it's obvious I'm the best looking out of the lot of us!"

"Nuhu! I refuse to accept that."

"Well, it sure as hell isn't you Potter," Sirius smirked, now also getting distracted himself.

"Well it's sure as hell, not you Black," James retorted, smirking back, exaggerating how deeply this topic mattered to him. Because it was more a matter of pride and winning the competition now than because James thought he needed to look better than Sirius. He knew he would be fine….as long as Lily thought he looked good. Without a doubt, James' eventual fame at Quidditch would make him popular with everyone all by itself! Looking better than Sirius would just be a perk.

"Fine…..fine if it can't be either of us then Remus." Sirius decided matter of factly.

"What made you pick Remus over Peter? They are both sort of average looking, don't you think?"

"Are you blind Potter?" Sirius shot back with an edge to his voice James was surprised to find there and assumed was being exaggerated upon.

"Remus and Peter both have light-colored hair, light-colored eyes, and they are both short for their age. Their only difference really is that Remus is too skinny and Peter is a bit plump," James pointed out holding out his hands for effect as he pretended to weigh the physical attributes of his friends on his palms.

"That's…..ugh you clearly aren't sophisticated James. That's why you can't see the clear winner is in fact me. I have years of inbreeding that leave me with irresistible looks," Sirius laughed turning the topic back to him. James rolled his eyes, as Sirius assuming that he had now won the argument, turned away from James to pick up the owl and release it out the window.

"You shouldn't brag about the inbreeding, mate," James snickered and Sirius shoved him playfully.

"I should if it leaves me looking like this," Sirius replied, pretending to pose like some sort of snooty model. James laughed and pretended to be thinking it over intently, circling around Sirius as if he was some sort of judge.

"You know what? Sirius, I reckon you might have a point." James beamed, patting Sirius on the back who arched one eyebrow in surprise as James continued with as much of a somber congratulatory tone as he could muster. "I think you're right. If you want to you should brag about the inbreeding that makes you look like a troll that's been sunbathing too long. Good on you mate!" Then James let out a laugh dancing quickly away from Sirius' reach and rushing down the stairs taking two at a time with howls of laughter as Sirius stormed after him.