Chapter 5: Can you feel my heart?

As they made it through the brush of the woods, Skull Knight, Guts and Casca arrived at the Spirit Tree. The ride was silent of course but Guts was a little anxious. He hadn't seen Casca in two years, he'd finally gotten her back but come to find out she didn't experience those two years at all. This was the first time that he felt he needed someone. He had realized a faint hint of it before he left the band of the hawk. Though as time marched on he understood that he had to be around Casca. He had to make sure she was okay. Sure she could take care of herself but Guts didn't want to take any chances. Not after what he had seen, what he had to endure.

Casca on the other hand was still shell shocked. Getting back to herself rather quickly, she wasn't as upset as she was at first. Coming down from that moment of frustration and pain. She still felt that same pain, but she figured she'd learn to cope and heal with it eventually. It just took time, true to her word to Guts she did want to get out of this. After what she experienced she had second thoughts on the mercenary life. And as for Guts, she still felt safe around him. She tried not to let her thoughts linger on the events that transpired that day. As of now it just felt like a distant nightmare that she couldn't forget.

Pulling up to the front of the entrance Skull Knight signaled them to dismount. Guts being behind Casca dropped down first before helping her get down as well.

"I must take my leave there's something that calls for my attention." Skull Knight informed them, Guts looked up to him with a determined look.

"You going to cut down some more Apostles?" He asked grabbing the hilt of his sword. Skull Knight slowly shook his head.

"No not this time" Skull Knight answered, he then nodded his head to Casca who was behind him. "You should get her settled, I know your both probably tired. Get some well deserved rest, I will not return for awhile but not too long." Skull Knight spoke, Guts exchanged a look with Casca who was looking at him expectantly. Guts mentally agreed with Skull Knight, it had been a long night and even longer ride back.

"Whatever" Guts said uncaringly, Skull Knight spoke no response just simply took off. Guts then walked past Casca and led her to the door. Ivalera and Puck then sprung from his armor. Both of them yawning, Puck started to wipe his eyes sleepily.

"Wow, what a long ride." Puck spoke as they entered the tree mansion. Casca followed Guts upstairs and to the balcony where Schierke and Flora were.

"I see you have returned from your journey." Flora spoke, her eyes then settled on Casca. "And brought a friend, would she happen to be who I think she is?" Flora asked with a smile, Guts nodded.

"Yes this is Casca" Guts introduced "Casca this is Flora and Schierke. Flora is a powerful mage and Schierke is her apprentice." Casca stepped forward and put a hand which Flora grabbed and shook.

"It's a pleasure to meet you two." Casca greeted, receiving a head nod from Schierke.

"I'm sure your both tired, would I need to accommodate for Casca?" Flora asked, Guts glanced at Casca, he didn't know whether she was comfortable with sleeping with him or not. Casca on the contrary shook her head. "Well then you're familiar with where your room is." Guts then led Casca back they walked through the hallway before coming up to his quarters. He opened the door and let her inside. He came in behind her and started undoing the straps to his armor. Casca looked around and was a little surprised with how neat it was. The room wasn't too big, with the bed in the middle neatly made. He had a table on the side that possessed a candle. A dresser in front and window to the left. She then went to sit on the bed and watch him undress. Guts could feel her staring at him, he knew that they wouldn't be getting sleep anytime soon. Once he was down to his briefs and cotton shirt, he placed his armor and swords in the corner by the door. He turned around and locked eyes with her.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, Casca looked away and held herself.

"So what's your plan? I want to hear it." Casca asked

"Kill Griffith" Guts said coldly, Casca winced at the name.

"I understand your reasoning as to why, but what happens after that?" Casca questioned, Guts crossed his arms.

"I'm not sure, but my offer still stands if you want it." Guts informed her, Casca watched him for a moment then nodded gently. Guts felt some weight leave his shoulders.

"Where's Rickert?" Casca asked switching gears, Guts thumbed behind him.

"He's still in the mountains with Godot and Erica."

"Oh, when was the last time you saw him?"

"Probably a year ago." Guts spoke as he went to lay down, Casca just watched as Guts laid down. She continued to sit there, Guts found himself not being able to relax because he felt something was bothering her. Making no move from his position he asked her what was wrong.

"You didn't really flesh out the plan at all." Casca spoke, Guts exhaled a breath, he then pushed himself up. He twisted himself so that he was sitting up, facing her seeing nothing but her back.

"Skull Knight tells me, that when the time is right I need to strike. He told me that in his mortal form he's a lot weaker than what he was. Plus I wasn't going to be able to get to him had he not reincarnated. Now it's all a waiting game, these past two years I've been hunting apostles those similar to Zodd left and right."

"And why are you just carelessly throwing yourself in harm's way?" Casca immediately berated him, Guts clenched his fist looking away from Casca. Who had turned around to face him mid-sentence.

"I declared war on them the first night those wretched monsters attacked me after that day." Guts answered her, Casca held her tongue having an understanding about where he was coming from with it. "I don't have to get into deep with this, but that day scarred me Casca. I know I told you last night but sincerely. I know now that I may seem the same but trust me that affected me greatly. I felt so helpless and weak I couldn't-"

"Don't go there, it's not your fault-"

"But it is!"

"Guts you cut off your arm and they held you down!"

"And it doesn't change a damn thing!" Gut shouted back, them both stopping trying to keep their voices down. "It doesn't change a got damn thing, the fact that Griffith would go so far as to-" Guts' voice cracked as he relived those moments before Casca cut him off.

"STOP IT!" Casca yelled, still traumatized from those moments. Guts turned away as he shed a tear, his fist balled up so tight he was near drawing blood.

"Casca, throughout my life I had nothing, I'm not familiar with anything that consists of the basic norms of life. You were the first person I let in, the first person I ever had that other than Shishu. She left me early, I had no one else but Gambino who hated me. I've been alone since then, the Band of the Hawk was like a family to me. I didn't realize that until later on, the point I'm trying to make here is that my life has been endless torment. The one time I do get some sort of love..." Guts paused, now sitting on the edge of the other side of the bed. "It was broken in front of me, I won't forgive nor show any mercy for anyone who so much as even touches a hair on your body." Guts swore, Casca who was watching him the whole time. She then crawled across the bed to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I guess we're still licking each other's wounds."

"And that's fine," Casca said simply, placing a kiss on the back of his neck. "We have to be strong, it's all I can think of right now." Guts dropped his head.

"You don't want me to kill him," Guts said more like a statement rather than a question. Casca pulled back a little her arms still wrapped around his chest loosely.

"I don't want you to die Guts, I can't afford to lose you." Casca answered him, he then turned around in her grasp. Casca's arms dropped to her sides as she turned her glance down. "I know killing Griffith will bring a more peaceful life for us but there's no other we could reverse this?" Gut sympathized with her as he sighed.

"There's no other way from what the Knight has told me." Guts revealed, Casca then gave him a mock stern look.

"Did you even ask, or are you so caught up with your revenge that you didn't care?" Casca asked, Guts hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Your right, but it's the only thing that makes sense as well. He has to pay Casca, I wouldn't be able to live with myself." Guts spoke, Casca crossed her arms, disagreement etched in her features.

"Guts" She said simply, said man broke their eye contact. "There might be a chance that we could get away and you throw it away?" Guts grunted as she spoke, he didn't want to fight her on this. He should have known that she wouldn't want to go through with this. He just felt after everything that she would come to her senses. Or maybe he was wrong, that maybe that's something they should be trying to figure out.

'No' Guts heard that voice in his head again 'Griffith must pay his debt, he must receive the pain that he has inflicted... We must avenge the deaths of our family...' Guts looked out of the peripheral of his eye and saw the berserker armor. The helmet began extending itself over the upper body portion of the armor. Once all the way over its eyes gleamed red staring at Guts, calling to him. 'We must avenge her...' Casca then turned around to see what he was staring at and saw the Berserker armor. She pushed herself against the headboard of the bed as Guts stood up suddenly.

"It's no question, this is something I have to do." Guts told her, Casca then pointed at his armor.

"Guts, w-what is it doing?" Casca asked, a little frightened by the armor. Guts breathed in deep and exhaled, the eyes from the helmet then faded and retracted back into the armor. Casca's eyes then shifted from between the armor then Guts.

"That's the Berserker armor, this was the armor that Skull Knight donned before me. It increases strength, pain isn't a thing once the armor is worn. That alone does something to the human body, that can make them almost invincible. Although the armor comes at a price, it drains you pretty fast. Tapping into one's anger, exploiting it takes a toll on the body. It's why I have this gray patch in my head and why I look a little older than what I actually am." Casca shook her head immediately after she was told the consequences of the armor.

"Guts why would you wear that thing? It's bascially killing you!" Casca stated, Guts remained silent not knowing what to say to that. Casca then grabbed his arm and pulled him back down on the bed. Once there she grabbed his face and made him face her. "So you are willing to put your life on the line for this!"

"I don't use it a lot, just when need be and whenever I just lose it." Guts remarked, he then closed his eyes. "Skull Knight has trained me, when I do lose myself in my own wrath it's hard to get me out of it. Schierke had to save me a few times because of that, I know how to use it now though. It does more good than bad I promise." Guts told her, Casca just stared at him, she didn't like the way things were looking for her lover. She couldn't help the tears that began to fall.

"Guts I just don't see why you have to do all this, why you have to continuously put yourself at risk. It's as if you want to die!" Casca exclaimed, Guts didn't like this. He was already a man of few words, this being one of those rare occasions where he spoke. However, he knew that they had to talk this out in order to get through it. It didn't mean he liked it all the same.

"I knew you wouldn't like it, I've thought about it and the Knight and I have talked about it." Guts spoke, sighing deeply afterward he then locked eyes with Casca. "Casca, if you could please just let me do this. Once this is over, I'll stop completely unless need be, I'll promise you." Guts said, Casca simply held his gaze searching his eyes. She saw truth and determination there, she knew he was serious. She just didn't like the risk that was associated with this situation. Above all else she didn't want to lose Guts, she loved him far too much. It was no guarantee that he'd survive the ordeal. Though she thought deeply and understood that they couldn't achieve a decent life if Griffith wasn't deceased. She herself didn't want to sacrifice that for the both of them. So she would adhere to his words, she just told herself she would be by his side throughout this mission. She would watch his back and make sure they would survive it together. Though her inner turmoil and freshly made scars hindered her mind in a way she wouldn't let that stop her. She then wiped her tears and nodded as she looked up at him.

"Okay Guts, as long as I'm by your side every step of the way." Casca agreed, which surprised Guts, to say the least. He wasn't prepared for her wanting to walk beside him on this journey. Well now that he thought about it, it only made sense. Griffith also put her through the same thing worse even, his comrades were her comrades as well. He just thought that maybe because of what Griffith once was to her that maybe. He shook himself from that way of thinking, though he had known that it hadn't been far-fetched. Though now he was rethinking the conversation they had, was she not wanting him to kill Griffith because she wanted him to be okay. Not because he wanted to kill Griffith. Sure she stated it, but he didn't know what page they were on because of what was said before that moment of darkness happened.

"Well wait a minute I-" He stopped mid-sentence due to the face he had given him which was a determined one that wouldn't take no for an answer. "Okay fine you win, I do need you watching my back." Guts gave in cracking a small grin, Casca gave a small smile in return content with their conversation. A thought drifted through her mind, it was their child. She frowned a little which Guts took notice of, right before he could ask what was wrong.

"Guts when this is all over can we try again?" Casca asked him a somber look on her face, Guts furrowed a brow not really following.

"Try what again?" Guts asked clueless as to what she was talking about, Casca then placed a hand over his.

"Try for another baby," Casca clarified, Guts' eyes widened at that, that had pretty much answered his question.

"I mean of course if that's what you want?' Guts spoke, Casca then smiled slightly and nodded. "Well then that's what we'll shoot for once this is over." Guts promised, he then pulled back the covers. Casca got under first followed by Guts, Casca laid her head against the pillow getting comfortable. Guts closed his eyes, Casca watched him. Feeling her gaze, Guts opened his eyes and saw her. "What's wrong?" He asked gently, Casca then scooted closer to him burying herself into his body.

"Hold me" She requested, Guts then wrapped his arms around her complying. "Every time we're in bed hold me." Casca asked of him, Guts with his chip on top of her head kissed her temple then placed his head back.

In the middle of the night Guts woke first, his nightmares were severe but not as bad as normal. He sat up slowly, looking out the window he saw that is was dark out. Knowing that they were protected from the spirits after them due to the spirit tree he went to get out of bed. Though a whimper from Casca caused him to pause. He looked down to her sleeping form and saw a look of strain in her features. He then saw her reach a hand out as if she was in search for him. Before she could grasp her hand, her eyes shot open. She pushed herself up quickly, looking around the room scanning it for a some sign of a threat. Once she saw nothing her attention rested on Guts who was in a seated position on the side of the bed. She noticed the window past him and saw that it was dark. She then sat up on the bed readying herself for a fight.

"Are they going to come?" Casca asked in her commander's voice, Guts shook his head.

"No the Tree we're staying in has some type of magic force field or somehting like that. We don't have to worry about them as long as we're here." Guts informed her, Casca then gave a frown.

"Then why are you up? Did you have a nightmare?"

"I did but that's not the reason why i'm up." Guts answered her, Casca gave a concerned look.

"Then what's wrong?" Casca asked, Guts could tell she would always be worried about him for the rest of their days.

"Nothing's wrong"

"Then why are you up?"

"Casca I'm just not tired anymore, nothing's the matter." Guts said before standing up, "I'm going to use the bathroom." Guts said as he walked out of the room, Casca watching him every step of the way. As he walked through the hallway he saw Flora appear seemingly out of nowhere. Guts didn't say anything as she stood in the middle of the hallway.

"What are you doing at this hour Guts?" Flora asked, Guts raised an eyebrow at her question.

"I'm about to take a piss, what of it?" Guts asked, Flora nodded then proceeded to ask.

"And afterwards?"

"Probably go out and practice my form what's with these questions Flora?" Gut combated with a question, Flora shook her head.

"You are no longer by yourself Guts, you have Casca to think about now she needs you." Guts was confused was he not here with her?

"What do you mean?" Guts asked in sincere confusion, Flora gave him a smile.

"She's still devastated Guts, here you know that you both are protected. At least get up and get going when she's up." Flora explained, Ivalera then flew from behind her and in Guts' face.

"Would it kill you to just sleep in sometimes! The girl's been through a lot for crying out loud." Ivalera exclaimed, Guts now understanding what they were saying obliged.

"Okay okay, lemme use the bathroom at least geez." Guts said, Flora gave an even bigger smile and Ivalera gave a triumphant "Hmph" as Guts entered the restroom.

Guts made his way back into the room and he saw Casca curled up into a ball trying to go back to sleep. Guts made his way around the bed and under the covers. Casca opened her eyes to meet his. He then encircled his arms around her and pulled her close. He placed a delicate kiss that he didn't know he was capable of giving on her forehead before closing his eyes. Casca then placed a chaste kiss on his lips and snuggled up against his chest letting out a deep breath. Guts smiled to himself as her breathing evened out. He wasn't going to fall back asleep but was content with just holding Casca until she got enough rest.

The next morning the sun came up shining through the window of Guts' room. Casca's eyes fluttered open to see she was being held. She looked up to see Guts eyes closed. She didn't want to wake him so she snuggled back into the crook of his neck.

"Casca" Guts whispered causing Casca to open her eyes again. Gut was looking down on her as he gave her a smirk. "I'd love to lay here all day with you but it's been hours now." Casca groaned rolling away from him.

"Fine" she mumbled her back toward him, Guts shook his head sheepishly as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"Don't you want to meet Flora and Schierke formally? I'm sure they'd love to talk to you." Guts spoke, he was truly delighted to have Casca back but he didn't want to get too comfortable. "Plus I bet your probably hungry too." After stating this it caused Casca to become alert. She turned around facing him with a frown. Guts chuckled a bit before making his way around the bed. He stepped out of their room now and made his way to the balcony. He found Schierke on the way and she observed him. Guts furrowed his brow looking down upon the young witch.

"Where's your girlfriend?" She asked, Guts was a little taken back by the title. Was that what Casca was to him now? He didn't really care for the specifics as long as she was with him was all that mattered to him.

"Casca's probably right behind me, why? Is something wrong?" Guts asked, Schierke huffed and crossed her arms.

"Mistress wished to talk to her is all." Schierke informed him, Guts nodded assuming that was the case beforehand.

"Was breakfast made? I would have went out and hunted had I not laid in bed all day." Guts deadpanned at the end, Schierke blushed a little causing confusion within Guts.

"Mistress made her famous porridge and biscuits if you would like some." Schierke responded, Guts knowing the meal all too well gave his thanks before turning around. Casca was standing in front of him, he pointed in the opposite direction.

"Flora has some food made for us, if you want to dig in." Guts explained, Casca simply nodded not saying anything. She let him walk past him and followed behind him. Walking into the dining room, Guts saw Flora already there with Ivalera and Puck bickering at each other right over her head. They saw the two then rushed to them both. Puck going to Casca while Ivalera flew around Guts.

"Soooo how are the two love birds doing?" Ivalera asked, Guts' expression remained unamused as Puck sat on Casca's shoulder.

"Did you rest well Casca? How was the first night now that you have your mind back?" Puck asked, Guts was also curious as well a question that he had been meaning to ask.

"Oh it was fine, I didn't have as many nightmares as I thought..." Casca answered, Guts caught her glance at him.

"I'm so glad to hear darling" Flora said as she turned to face them. "We have much to discuss and I'm sure you have your questions as well."

A/N: Hello, now things are going to be a somewhat change of pace. It shouldn't feel as fast anymore, well maybe lol. Shout out to Moneytrees for showing love on his stories. If you like Black Lagoon, Batman or Danny Phantom he has some decent fics go check him out. Also tell me what you think so far, or what you might want to see in the future for this fic or another for that matter!