When Patricia's fears had been confirmed about Remus Lupin by none other than Fabian Prewett who was one source she knew damn well she couldn't contradict, her initial reaction had been to drink her way through a bottle of bourbon.

But when she realized Fabian and Gideon weren't joking about leaving Remus to her she had taken to the task with more care than she expected to give. As much as she tried to convince herself that she didn't give two flying fucks about anyone she knew that wasn't actually the case. Plus, her unreciprocated feelings for none other than her roommate meant that she no longer felt comfortable being in her dorm all that much. Usually she hung out in Frank's but he had been spending more and more time with Alice lately. Other than Frank, her roommates, and the Prewetts who were two busy scheming together to pay her attention she only had the Marauders to hang out with. She had upped her lessons with Sirius and James because she was in a tug of war situation whether to study for her OWLS or give up on them altogether. She also couldn't disagree that she had been subtly trying to find out more about Remus from the two idiots who seemed to know even less than her. She wasn't all that surprised since even if three of the Marauders were unusually smart for their age they were still little children compared to Patricia who had turned the mature age of fifteen on a non-disclosed date that no one would ever discover to be her birthday.

But even a mature age didn't prepare her on how to approach the rather obvious conclusion that Remus' father was a gigantic dickface. After several days of scheming about it when she wasn't collapsed into a state of anxiety over her approaching exams, she reached two conclusions. Remus Lupin was more tight-lipped about himself than even she had been at his age and that there was no way that boy wasn't burying a deep-seated rage that would eat him apart soon if he didn't acknowledge it. So she did what she normally did when it came to figuring out how to handle the messy emotions of others. She skipped the bullshit the Prewetts had done in an attempt to get her to open up and focused on the one thing that had actually seemed to help. She hadn't expected Remus to want to come with her but she also knew that he really didn't have a damn choice. It gave her some satisfaction bringing up the Yule Ball and watching Sirius' eyes narrow, clearly re-remembering what had been so problematic about that night. Of course, Remus did not appreciate her reference as it would no doubt cause him a hassle later, as it should, but he was too polite to call her out on it.

Sometimes Patricia wondered how the kind and polite Gryffindor could ever possibly remind her of herself. When Patricia was twelve she had been a nightmare and polite would have been the last word anyone used to describe her, even herself. However if she hadn't started kicking and screaming while at Hogwarts, fighting everyone and everything to flee from a deep humiliating truth, she wasn't sure she would have survived.

No, Remus was her before she reached Hogwarts, wrongly convinced that she could single-handedly convince the woman who was supposed to love her to pay attention to her, to stay.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked and she let out a deep breath realizing she had clenched her fists which she habitually did when thinking of that weak-ass woman who regrettably was her mother.

"Need your help with something. I thought we established that?" Patricia asked sarcastically knowing Remus' comment had less to do with why she had summoned him and more to do with why she appeared so upset. Sometime last year Patricia had considered the possibility that Remus Lupin was the same sort of weirdo that Fabian was, with that empathetic superpower that was extremely annoying and downright unfair. But Patricia had realized that Remus' intuition was closer to her own, not coming from some sort of sense but from watching the tiniest movements of others as if waiting for an attack.

Patricia didn't need to be reminded of the consequences if her vigilance slipped even though the consequences had disappeared when her neglectful mother did, taking her abusive boyfriends with her. Sure Patricia's grandfather was a piece of shit but he was a level of douchebaggery that she could deal with, that she expected from all adults.

"Are we going to the forest?" Remus asked gently, patiently, and Patricia nearly swore realizing she had spaced out again.

How are you supposed to fix this kid if you can't even fix your damn self?

"No, I have to be careful for the rest of the year since I'm pretty sure that McGonnagal will have my ass if I bend the rules too much."

"Bend?" Remus questioned with that unpredictable well-timed sass of his that if not responded correctly to right away would lead to a heartfelt sorry from him.

"You wise-ass, yeah yeah ok break the rules," she muttered, ruffling his hair which had sort of become a common practice after his first year.

No wonder no one had come to visit him when he was in a coma. No wonder the poor kid was sick so often. It had never occurred to Patricia that being sick was anything besides an acceptable response to the level of stress she, and probably Remus had lived in for over a decade. This was because Patricia knew she wasn't a pansy and when she was Remus' age she had been sick a lot too. While this didn't move her to, what she found to be a useless, sense of sadness for the kid it did fill her with a fondness for him and a sort of pride because Remus was undoubtedly a badass like her, just a more subtle one.

Patricia talked to Remus about the newest prank Sirius and James were considering since she had learned from experience walking in silence with her made Remus uncomfortable. She didn't take it personally though since she suspected that for Remus walking quietly next to someone for an extended length of time without feeling discomfort was the height of friendship for him. She didn't need to be friends with a twelve-year-old. What she needed was to figure her shit out and cut back on the drinking enough that her friends her age would allow themselves to hang out with her!

They were all a bunch of tossers but only having twelve-year-olds to hang out with and not being able to seek the forbidden forest's refuge had made her reconsider her prospects...

"Why are we going to the Quidditch pitch?" Remus asked a tinge of nervousness in his voice that made Patricia roll her eyes.

"You ask too many questions just trust me," she muttered knowing damn well Remus did not trust her at all as she walked over to the middle of the Quidditch pitch. She bent down to a chest that she had instructed Frank to leave out for her. Being friends with a prefect had its perks, especially one as stupidly soft and naive as Frank Longbottom. "Catch," she commanded, tossing a large bat to the small boy who fumbled but managed to catch it now looking more baffled than suspicious.

Good, that was an improvement.

Familiar with the necessary spell Patricia cast it and stood up with her own bat and a deceivingly well-behaved bludger. She laughed as Remus' eyes seemed to grow so large they were in danger of falling out of his head.

"We aren't flying are we?" he asked a hint of a whine in his voice.

"Nope, now step back and I'll demonstrate," she demanded and Remus was quick to obey looking nervous about being near a bludger. Thinking for a second as she didn't want to give too much away she tossed the bludger up and whacked it as hard as she could with her bat screaming at the top of her lungs.

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT!"

The bludger zoomed forward a good distance but instead of going haywire like bludger's usually did it reversed in the same trajectory and zoomed back towards her. Feeling emboldened like she always did in this wonderful anger management technique she hit the thing again picturing it to be her mother's head.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ME WITH YOU AT LEAST!"

This time when the bludger zoomed back Patricia held her bat still and the bludger spun slightly before harmlessly falling to the ground.

"Your turn," she instructed, walking over to a stunned Remus whose protests grew louder as she pushed him to where she had been standing.

"I don't... I don't see the point in this Patricia. I'm fine, I'm really fine," he insisted in a sort of panicky tone that did the opposite of convincing her.

"Look kid I'm not gonna ask questions. I don't really give a damn if your father beats you or ignores you or whatever the hell he does to you. Grownups suck, that's a part of life. But what isn't part of life is hiding every single emotion you have and bottling up all that rage you've got. Trust me kid I know what sort of damage that does." Because Remus still did not look convinced she added, "damage to yourself and your friends and I know you don't want that."

Any protest on Remus' lips died replaced by a dodgy look in his eyes as he considered his options carefully.

"I really don't think I have any anger though..." he mumbled after some time in heavy silence which Patricia didn't bother to break.

"Bullshit," she said firmly, expecting Remus to concede at this point but he looked at her innocently with such sincere puzzlement that she almost second-guessed herself, almost.

"I really have nothing to be mad about though."

She stared at Remus Lupin and all his fakery and bravado and laughed scathingly.

"Great then we won't be out here long," she replied shoving the bat into his arms, and then because she knew she had to give him an out in order for him to take the bait she added, "think of two things to say, no not say, shout at the top of your lungs. I don't give two shits what it is as long as you sound angry about it. You do it two times and want to stop then be my bloody guest. Fair enough?"

"And...and then I don't owe you anymore?" Remus asked, a displeased but resigned look in his eyes that made her know he would give it a shot.

"Yeah, yeah then we're square," she conceded with some regret having hoped to use that again to drag him out here for his own good if need be. He sure was a smart kid. But then again if her suspicions, now all but conclusions, were right there was no way Remus would be stopping at two swings.

"Alright but step back I don't want to hurt you," he pointed out nervously and she scoffed before remembering how utterly terrified he had looked that night last year when he had attacked her during her attempt to wake him up. Poor kid... She took a few steps back and mentally kicked herself, she wasn't about to get caught up feeling bad for him; that wasn't a productive feeling to have and it sure wouldn't help Remus.

She squatted on the grass biting back another cruel laugh as Remus tried to pick up the bludger but dropped it, nearly on his foot, since he was shaking with nerves. She knew if she laughed now though she would never get him to whack the bludger. Remus had to be convinced that she wasn't going to read into his, no doubt ambiguous shouts, or pay too close attention to him or his self-consciousness would prevent him from giving the exercise an active go. Patricia still remembered the first time the Prewetts had done this with her, adapted from a game the two of them had played when younger in which they had shouted out their frustration with each other back and forth before calling their stupid 'twin truce' thing they had. Patricia wouldn't have minded so much, only she had tried using the 'twin truce' on both of the Prewetts before and had found that, rather unjustly, the truce did not work when she enacted it...

"..."

As she expected the first thing Remus had uttered had been whispered beyond the possible volume for her to pick up on. Brat.

"Doesn't count if I can't hear you. And hit it harder won't ya," she added noticing the bludger had barely moved forward an inch. It almost seemed like Remus was afraid of getting mad, which seemed so ludicrous to her that Patricia was sure she must be mistaken. She could see the kid being nervous by it, potentially getting in deep shit anytime his anger leaked out at home, but the sort of hesitancy he had in this setting where it was clear he wouldn't get in trouble for letting it out seemed... odd. Then again it was possible he didn't want to admit what Patricia already knew to be true out loud, that made more sense but was equally problematic.

"...th...m..."

"Better but I still can't hear you. We can stay here aaaaaaall night Lupin. I've got nothing better to do," she explained, leaning back in the grass no longer pointedly watching him, her arms behind her head in a makeshift pillow as if she was content to sleep here. She still squinted at Remus since she wouldn't put it past the little arse to ditch her out here the first chance he got. She was prepared to use jelly legs on him. It was for his own good after all!

Patricia expected a few more bummed attempts before Remus got his nerves up and she was right in her prediction. She whistled nonchalantly as Remus swung, the force behind his swings stronger but the feeble attempts at shouting weaker.

"Ugh ok, ok stop," she shouted feeling extremely irritated at the amount of time she was having to lounge in the grass pretending she wasn't watching a twelve-year-old hit a ball. She watched the tension leave Remus' face and realized he expected to get out of this, he was trying to wait her out! Instead, Patricia walked over and grabbed Remus' shoulder tightly, her other hand on his back so she could push him into a taller stance than the normally half slouch he had.

"Head up. Don't slouch or I'll hex you into perfect posture mind you. Alright, better. Now shout, doesn't have to be coherent just...shout."

"Ahhhhhhh," Remus supplied pathetically.

"Louder."

"AHH,"

"Like you mean it Lupin, like everything has gone to shit and there's no damn hope anymore."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Remus shouted loudly and Patricia nodded, backing away again.

"Good now shout two things at that exact volume with a good whack to boot and we can go back."

Remus nodded not looking at her but she was pleased that his posture had not changed. Then he tensed up, tossed the ball, hit it with as much force as Patricia had herself, and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"I'M SICK OF ALL THE SECRETS YOU KEEP!"

Patricia didn't need to prompt him as the bludger came zooming back. Lupin hit the thing harder than ever, his shout not just loud but with a fit of anger behind it that didn't surprise her.

"WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Patricia stayed quiet, holding her breath as if the tiniest move from her would halt Remus in his continuation of the exercise.

Zzzzzzoooosh. The bludger whizzed by again faster, keeping pace with Remus' hits.

"BE RESPONSIBLE WITH THE MONEY!"

Patricia nodded, unable to tell if the comments were directed at Remus' father or the other Marauder prats. She had her suspicions though...

"WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?" Remus shouted really getting into it now, the anger unleashed in him not seeming to be a beast that would run out of momentum anytime soon. Patricia watched intently now needing to make sure that the bludger's momentum didn't exceed a point that would send Remus back with the force of it.

"WHAT AM I DOING WROOOONG?"

Patricia shifted slightly aware that Remus had completely forgotten her presence. She had done the same thing with the Prewetts, it had been her first time voicing the cause of some of her pain out loud. She just hoped Remus didn't break down into tears as she had...

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Zzzzzzwiiiing. The bludger was definitely reaching a dangerous speed now, Quidditch game speed which would easily result in serious injuries if mishandled. But Patricia didn't want Remus to stop assuming that he was only beginning to scratch the surface with the things that made him angry.

"WHY WON'T YOU LOVE YOUR OWN SON?" Remus' shout was raw and full of a hint of the depth of that bottled rage. Remus had swung hard but as the words left his mouth he seemed to once again realize where he was at and he froze his bat still mid-swing, in shock at what he had just confessed.

Fuck!

"Flipendo," she screeched as the bludger went zooming back towards Remus. The boy flew over in the air her urgency in the spell giving it a little extra oomph. He might be bruised but it was better than the bludger breaking one of his bones or worse. Without a bat to hit it on course, the bludger kept going and Patricia winced at the splintering crashing sound as the bludger made contact with the wooden stands. Hoping that the heavy vicious object hadn't torn a hole through the entire stand Patricia ignored Remus worried he'd be crying which she hadn't the foggiest idea how to deal with and walked the length of the pitch to the field relieved to find the bludger spinning out against an extremely hardy support beam that successfully stopped the ball. Patricia cast the needed spell and immobilized the bludger walking back towards the trunk where Remus stood looking nervous.

"I didn't mean..." he began, his arms crossed tightly over his heaving chest.

"Hey, I said I didn't care what you shouted and I don't. You aren't the only one with a shitty parent. But let me give you a piece of advice. The people's love you have to fight for but don't have isn't a love that's even worth the effort. Hah! Hey, that's some wise-ass shit make sure you keep that in mind yeah?" she asked pretending she couldn't see the tears pricking in his eyes or hear the slight sniff given before his response.

"Ok. Guess...I...I'm a bit angry...," Remus admitted, sounding ashamed of himself. Patricia scowled and flicked his forehead hard.

"You should be angry Remus. Don't take shit from anyone you got it? Except me, I get to occasionally give you shit now and again. But other than me and your friends you stand your ground and keep your head high."

Remus nodded, seeming embarrassed then he silently opened the trunk for her to shove the bludger in as it had begun to buck around haphazardly in her grip.

"You are...one of my friends I mean."

Patricia wasn't sure what it was about the shy statement that nearly caused her to start crying...

"Damn right I am," she replied gruffly to hide how unbelievably touched she was by what should have been such an obvious statement. Patricia often thought of herself as someone who didn't get along with people, hell she hated most people. Not all people though...

"Now go bring this shit back into the Quidditch shed. Don't expect me to wait for you. I've got OWLS to study for and you've already wasted enough of my time. Oh don't look like that I'm obviously kidding. But I do have to get back to the castle. Now move it or I'll kick your arse," Patricia threatened, watching as Remus' trudged off with the heavy case. She shook her head and blinked her eyes debating if she should wait for Remus and attempt to talk to him more but deciding against it. A mess like her really couldn't help him too much after all.

Patricia made her way back to the castle, walking slow enough that if Remus wanted to, he could catch up, though she suspected he was probably crying in the Quidditch equipment shed instead. She made her way back to Gryffindor common room at a leisurely pace, though when she looked back the way she came she didn't see a trace of Remus. Figuring he had enough time to cry by the time she reached her common room once she got there she went straight to the seventh floor of the boys' dorm and walked into the Marauder's room finding three idiots in a competition of who could hang from the bed canopy supports the longest.

Not bothering to knock, Patricia hadn't been sure what she would find, but she found herself more than a bit annoyed at the fact none of the boys seemed interested in Remus' top-secret mission. Letting her temper get the better of her she muttered under her breath and listened with satisfaction at the loud snap of the wood breaking, causing the three boys to fall into a heap, bits of shattered wood falling around them.

"Oi, you morons. Quit playing around and go fetch Remus. He should be near the Quidditch pitch. Now beat it," she ordered with a snap of her fingers, satisfied with the speed at which the boys cleared out. They hadn't even bothered to tell her to leave their dorm and she thought about pranking their dorm while they were gone but couldn't quite make herself feel up to it...

Instead, she left the boys' dorms and started climbing the stairs to her own glad she had sent the boys after Remus. She would leave the consoling aspect to Remus' friends. Though they didn't inspire much confidence she knew how much they all loved him.

'You are...one of my friends I mean'

Remus' words echoed in her mind as she ignored two of her roommates whose talking cut off abruptly when she walked in. Despite feeling irritated at their poor excuse to hide gossiping about her Patricia couldn't help but feel quite pleased with herself.

She supposed not all people were complete scum, after all, she only hated some people.