Chapter Twenty-Three: Common Room Conversations
"Well?" Sirius asked expectantly, barely making it a whole of thirty seconds after the door to the DADA class shut behind them before asking the question.
"Well what?" Remus asked, feigning innocence.
"You can talk to them…..the wolves…...right? Because you're...or your...uh…" Sirius trailed off an awkwardness taking over him that was painful for Remus to see.
"That's so bloody cool mate!" James cut in excitedly spinning around and walking backward so he could gape at Remus.
Remus looked from Sirius' expectant face to James' excited one and weighed his options carefully. Luckily he was able to take a few seconds before responding as James' walking backwards had caused him to bump into Peter nearly knocking them both over and causing Sirius to burst out laughing. Remus supposed his friends knowing he could communicate with the wolves would be fine. But he just….didn't want yet another way he was different from them to come to light. Not with it only being a little over a month since Sirius found out and even less since Peter found out. He knew they would find it really cool but he just didn't want to be some sort of...freak...even if they would find it fun. He didn't want them gaping at him as if they expected wolf ears to suddenly pop out of his head or something.
Well maybe they weren't looking at him quite like that but Remus still felt like they were sometimes.
"I don't know what you mean. Dogs and wolves just really like you, Sirius," Remus commented innocently.
For a second Sirius looked upset then he scoffed and rolled his eyes 'ts-king' at Remus in a mock scolding tone. "Fine, keep your secrets, you prat."
"But surely you can tell us this! I mean it's really awesome," James insisted.
"He wouldn't be Remus without secrets," Peter pointed out slyly. Remus wasn't entirely sure if Peter was or was not purposefully reminding him of the many secrets he was still keeping from his friends, especially regarding the extent of his injuries after a full moon and shifted uncomfortably. But then Peter smiled playfully so Remus assumed he hadn't meant to make Remus feel bad.
"Right you are Peter. I wouldn't even know who Remus was without them!" Sirius exclaimed with mock despair, placing a hand to his head as he lamented foolishly. As Sirius groaned with a sidelong look at Remus to see if it was bothering him the tone in which his mental friend used sounded as if he was trying to make himself feel better at what seemed to be a constant surprise to him that just because they knew some things about Remus didn't mean they got to know everything. At least Remus was almost certain that that's how friendships could be, even with the best of mates.
Remus felt a twinge of irritation at Sirius' dramatic tone but mostly just felt guilt because it seemed he was composed of so many secrets. Too many secrets. Secrets even from himself. His stomach lurched and he pushed his thoughts away from the newest piece of information he had found out about his past memories, or precisely his lack of them.
"Surely I'm not that bad," Remus sighed heavily, feeling utterly worn out. He was both extremely glad he was at Hogwarts but that fact that the second Triwizard Tournament Task hadn't even taken place yet and there was already so much drama made him feel like he was dragging a troll behind him that liked to amuse itself by whacking Remus' head with its club.
Sirius scoffed and made a comment about how they had literally only found out Remus' birthday after it had happened last year as if that proved his point entirely. Remus didn't quite understand and found himself feeling defensive again. Maybe he wouldn't have had to keep his secrets so long if Sirius hadn't been so full of hatred towards dark creatures! Remus was surprised at the anger he was feeling again. What was wrong with him?
"I think it's perfectly reasonable why Remus keeps secrets from you," Lily snapped and Remus jumped, not even realizing she had been following them within ear shot.
"No one asked you Evans," Sirius grumbled, "Piss off why don't you."
"Hey!" Remus and James both interjected at the same time. Lily ignored James but smiled at Remus clearly touched that he spoke up for her.
"Fine, a girl can tag along if you dolts insist on it," Sirius pouted and crossed his arms moping about it. Peter began talking to Lily about Herbology before James could open his mouth and make an idiot of himself, which was a very smart move of Peter whether it was intentional or not.
Remus gave Sirius a hesitant playful shove that James often gave him when he got like this. Since James seemed preoccupied at the minute, no doubt trying to come up with some legitimate reason to talk to Lily, Remus decided to do it for him.
Sirius looked up and grinned most definitely knowing he was acting like a brat.
"Guess I better get used to this," he commented to Remus after they walked a bit further ahead of the other three who were walking quite slow.
"Get used to what?" Remus asked quietly.
Sirius gave him a disbelieving look.
"Girls tagging along," he pointed out, sounding particularly cross about it. Remus couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him.
"I thought you would be delighted about that. What happened to that stupid competition you and James had. You know the one Peter won," he teased Sirius, relieved that they were able to banter after DADA class. The only good thing about his friends bugging him about the fact he 'may' be able to talk to wolves was that they had all consequently forgotten about Remus not leaving class when he had an out provided for him. Or maybe they just assumed now that he didn't leave because of Skipper, which was partly true.
Sirius looked a bit confused for some reason before grinning broadly.
"Well yeah but that doesn't mean I want them sticking their nose in Marauder business," he explained and was jostled forward roughly by James who appeared from behind him and linked arms with Sirius looking delighted. "She's talking to Peter about Marlene, about him dating Marlene. Lily actually said the word date in my presence without hexing me. I think I'm making progress, mate!"
"This is why I don't want girls getting involved with Marauders," Sirius grumbled gesturing to James who just looked confused but also kept looking back at Lily still walking with Peter who now that he had gotten over his initial fear of girls seemed to be the only other Marauder besides Remus that Lily could stand.
"She also invited me to her party this weekend. Well I mean technically everyone our year is invited but she's not banning me from coming which is definitely progress," James whooped loud enough that Remus was sure Lily could hear him and was probably rolling her eyes at them, well really just James. Remus had nearly forgotten Lily's birthday altogether and felt horrible about it but thankfully Dorcas and Marlene were making a big deal of it for their best friend and Remus had been able to act like he had known it was today all along. Luckily, he wasn't completely underprepared as he had been planning Lily's present since the summer. He was impressed by Lily's desire for her party to be a way to bring her friends from all houses together. However, Remus was worried what that would mean for the size of the get together that Marlene, Lily, and Dorcas were in the works of planning for that upcoming Saturday.
"Wait a second... if Remus really does have a super power we could use it for pranks!" James shouted out suddenly, far too hyper at Lily not outright refusing him entry to her party. Quidditch and pranks seemed to be two of the only topics that could pull James away from internally freaking out over Lily Evans. Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius and James both began to badger him on if he could actually talk to all animals and reminded himself it was better than them badgering him on a long list of other topics. Besides James and Sirius soon got caught up in their planning, despite Remus not having confirmed anything and most definitely not able to talk to all animals. Though that seemed to make little difference to Sirius and James.
Remus glanced back at Lily who had caught up to them with Peter, the two of them talking about the properties of Abyssinian Shrivelfigs since Lily was always knowledgeable and nice enough to help Peter out with any questions he may have. Lily looked up, shooting Remus a look that seemed to question his sanity for hanging out with the Marauders as Sirius and James loudly planned with what they had already dubbed as Remus' (SSAATA) super secret awesome animal talking ability and how it could be a game-changer for pranks. Remus couldn't blame Lily for slowing down her walking once more with Peter who also slowed down to match her pace and bombard her with questions about their upcoming project. Remus thought about trailing behind also but Herbology was not one of the subjects he was most interested in and deep down he was finding the animal-themed pranks James and Sirius were wildly throwing around pretty amusing if not highly impractical.
"Well, we could have a whole hoard of roaches infiltrate the Slytherins dorms!" Sirius blurted out enthusiastically, nearly whacking Remus in the face with his arm as he gestured to show how big a whole hoard could be.
"What makes you think Remus can talk to insects as well?" James asked quizzically as if Sirius had just proposed a very interesting hypothesis that needed testing.
"What makes you nitwits think I can talk to animals at all!" Remus shot back. James and Sirius gave him a blank look but they were having much too much fun with their insane wild prank ideas to even attempt to grasp reality. Remus decided he wouldn't ruin their fun because as crazy as his friends were they also brought out a sort of mischievousness in him that still unnerved him but that he also quite enjoyed.
"You two aren't thinking big enough. What we need is for monkeys to hold all the Slytherins captive in their dorm," Remus suggested, finding the game harmless enough since none of these pranks would be even the tiniest bit plausible.
"Oh, that's brilliant mate! Just imagine ol Snivellus getting groomed he wouldn't be able to get rid of the monkeys because his hair is so filthy," James laughed loudly and Remus was very glad Lily had moved out of earshot again.
"What if we made them think they were monkeys instead?" Sirius asked quietly the change of his tone going from wild speculation to thoughtful calculation in a heartbeat.
"Yeah, maybe in a few years. Those incantations are extremely advanced," Remus reminded his friends who sometimes seemed to think they could do anything.
"Nothing is impossible for the Marauders!" Sirius declared proudly and Remus did not like at all the meaningful glance that passed between James and Sirius.
"That's right," James said firmly and Sirius nodded as if James had just agreed to something that had made the young Black very happy indeed.
….
After dinner, the Gryffindors found themselves gathered with most of their year in the common room. Second-year boys were by the fire while first-year boys were all playing exploding Snap on the other side of the common room and the girls were around the tables chatting. It wasn't often the first and second years got to command the common room for themselves but when they weren't being shooed out by older students they took advantage of it.
Of course amongst all the boys, this time including the first-year boys who would sometimes join in, the conversations that cropped up were usually about Quidditch. So it was to no one's surprise that that's what the boys began arguing about, stating their allegiance to pro Quidditch teams with a conviction that seemed downright maddening to Remus. After a while, though the conversation died down and then shifted.
Realizing where this new topic might go Remus curled in on himself more and firmly read his book as he tried to ignore the boys sprawled on the ground below him around an old Quidditch magazine that Jeremiah had gotten which was apparently a rare edition or something. Remus usually didn't pay too much attention to what the boys talked about but knew he had to at least be in the vicinity or either Sirius and James would come collect him not wanting him to 'feel left out' even if all Remus wanted was some alone time.
"Still, I can't get over the spell Professor Corbyn used, you know?" Jeremiah remarked in a sort of hush that had fallen over everyone as they flipped through the moving pictures and subsequent articles that went with them together. Remus wished they could at least all work on their charms homework together but he had learned suggesting such a thing would just get him laughed at and the word 'swot' would be thrown around good-naturedly.
"Yeah, it gave me bloody goosebumps, it did. I saw my mum and that was not a pretty image," Gary whistled lowly.
"I really don't think he should have done that," Peter pointed out, clearly bothered by it. Sirius and James did not seem to have any qualms about the spell and were much more interested in how scared the Slytherins were.
"I mean did you see their faces!" James laughed and Gary perked up immediately, not as enamoured with Sirius and James as he had been last year but still jumping on any chance he had to show them he could be fun to hang around. Remus felt bad because he really didn't think Jeremiah and Gary were bad company but Sirius seemed to find them beneath him and while James liked their continued admiration of him, he didn't seem to care to actually get to know them much.
It was all a little odd and Remus sometimes wondered what his life would have been like if Jeremiah, Noah, or Gary had been in the room with James and Sirius instead of him. Remus highly doubted the boys would have paid attention to him if he had not been living with them. He was glad he had been assigned the room he had, even if at the time it had seemed like the worst possible outcome. Now all his roommates knew about him and still liked him! It really was amazing and if Remus didn't live with Sirius and James' dirty clothes and havoc left all over the place he might have been a little enamoured by them as well he realized.
"They looked like they were going to shit themselves," Jeremiah pointed out which sent the boys laughing all over again. Remus switched out his book to one on memory spells, wishing his leaving the common room wouldn't make him stick out like a sore thumb. He opened the thick textbook trying to read the book in his hands without remembering why he needed to read the book when Gary asked a bold question that changed the atmosphere of the room dramatically.
"So who did you see anyways Sirius? I doubt it was your family, yeah?"
James glanced at Sirius worriedly and Noah glanced at Gary as if he was only just now realizing how much of an idiot his friend was. Sirius tensed considerably and Remus set the book on his lap speaking up quickly.
"If I were you I'd be much more interested in who Peter saw. After all, it was probably his girlfriend," Remus pointed out knowingly.
That sure did the trick! Gary and Jeremiah and even Noah began asking Peter all sorts of questions about his girlfriend apparently not having realized Peter was dating Marlene. Not that it actually appeared that the two were dating currently, not by how often Peter had been complaining about Marlene to Remus anyways. But Remus didn't see the harm in pointing it out since Peter was loving the attention and Sirius shot Remus a grateful look that made him actually feel quite proud of himself.
"But actually I saw my mum," Peter concluded after he seemed to run out of things to say about Marlene who he had even confessed to Remus multiple times didn't at all seem like a girlfriend to him. Then again, Remus wasn't sure how anyone their age could date beyond simply playing pretend. It was just like little children playing house together. Remus had yet to find a 'couple' their age that looked at each other the way Andromeda and Ted had. Thinking back to that night made Remus' insides twist in a not altogether unpleasant feeling. There was something unmistakingly enchanting about the way those two had looked at each other though Remus was sure voicing that out loud would get him called at least a swat if not a poof. Remus couldn't help but be fascinated though since he had never seen two people look at each other like that. Maybe no one really looked at each other like that? Remus wasn't sure.
"Well of course everyone saw their mums. Well….I mean I think so…," Gary added uncomfortably, glancing at Sirius who glowered at him in warning.
"How is your mum doing anyway Peter?" James asked awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation away from mums as inconspicuous as he could. Remus figured he would have been better off blurting out some random fact about Quidditch as their fellow Gryffindor's were not really curious about their peers' families. But James often appeared somewhat clumsy when either Sirius or Remus' families were even hinted at. Though usually it was just Sirius' family that was since everyone seemed to want to know the drama of the Black family.
"She's alright James," Peter replied happily, looking besides himself at how much attention had been directed to him. Remus wondered if Peter realized why James had asked him about his mum but figured it probably didn't matter to Peter. "She's been busy on the farm. Our pegasi, well they have come down with a bug."
"Oh no! Are they alright?" Marlene exclaimed loudly from over by the tables.
"Oh yeah, they come down with something every now and then," Peter replied reassuringly though both Mary and Marlene looked concerned now.
"Amoriah was my favorite! She's not sick is she?" Marlene asked worriedly.
"Amoriah? Uh no….she's not," Peter replied, sounding so confused that Remus wouldn't have been surprised to discover the girls had completely renamed the pegasi.
"How do you help a pegasus that is ill?" Remus asked as casually as he could manage, not even bothering to put his book down as he asked it. He was just curious, that was all... That and he was really hoping the information would help him with Silverstream!
"Really, it's just the same as with people, at least that's how my uncle treats them. Same healing spells and potions and everything."
Remus made a noncommittal noise as he flipped the page letting out a breath when the topic steered towards pegasi and making plans to hang out at Peter's over the summer which James seemed a little jealous of.
Remus set down his book on memory spells as after a while his head began to hurt. He considered coming up with some excuse to talk to Madam Pomfrey about healing spells when he remembered Dorcas was reading a book on them just the other day. Remus walked away from the fireplace where the conversations had lulled, James and Gary having argued themselves hoarse over Quidditch teams. Remus thought about retreating upstairs figuring it was safe to do so but realized that he didn't fancy being alone after reading all that stuff on memory spells. So instead he walked over to the girls who were talking about the visitors along with which of the two visiting schools they found to be the best.
"Hey Dorcas, do you have a second?" Remus asked as nonchalantly as he could. He was painfully aware that Sirius and Peter had both stopped playing their chess game and that Jeremiah was glancing at him past his book. Remus felt his face heat up as all of the boys' eyes fell on him. At least Noah didn't seem to care that Remus had initiated a conversation with the girls. Or maybe Noah was just stressing out about his charms assignment too much too? But what was so wrong about wanting to talk with one of the girls anyways? Remus knew he would get the mickey taken out of him for it later but figured it was better than Madam Pomfrey's scrutiny, if only barely. So making up his mind Remus walked out into the hall with Dorcas, the Fat Lady warning them it was almost after hours.
"What's up Remus?" Dorcas asked, sticking her hands in her pockets and slouching against the wall slightly with a yawn as the little Hungarian Horntail on her shoulder tilted its head quizzically at Remus. "Don't worry he won't bite. I've taken to placing spells on him because the little git was making my fingers bleed. Just don't tell any Slytherins that. So yeah, what's going on?"
"I noticed you were reading Healing Spells for Beginners and I wondered if I could borrow it. Just for tonight." Remus added quickly, not wanting to deprive Dorcas of her book for long.
"Uh, sure I guess. What do you want it for?" she asked, arching a single eyebrow at him quizzically. Remus wasn't expecting Dorcas to ask questions as she usually didn't and stalled slightly.
"Oh, I'm just interested."
"Why didn't you ask me in front of everyone then?" Dorcas asked, not suspiciously as Sirius would but with enough genuine curiosity that Remus realized he probably couldn't not give an answer like he might have tried to do with Peter, James, or Lily.
"I didn't want…." Remus' mind spun trying to come up with something plausible that obviously wasn't the truth. "...them knowing because I'm reading up on spells because of the war," he explained, finding it believable enough. In fact, Remus realized he really should read up on spells. Remus most definitely was not a pureblood and it seemed his father was less and less likely to provide a safe living structure as a house for them. Sure, Remus had some money but he doubted it would lead to him and his father staying safe for long. What would happen if next time there was a stranger in the woods they cursed Remus instead of leaving him a bunch of money….or worse?
Remus must have looked quite scared because Dorcas was looking at him with sympathy.
"You know you're the third person who has asked to borrow my book. Apparently, they are all rented out of the library. I guess it's not surprising. Only last week there was another attack on muggles." Dorcas straightened from the wall that she had been slouched against looking sad. "It's really messed up….having to think about stuff like that. I'm not saying you're wrong to Remus. In fact, I think it's really smart of you. It's just….we shouldn't have to, you know?"
Remus nodded in agreement and somehow ended up talking to Dorcas about the war for some time, much longer than he had intended to talk to her for. Only he didn't want to cut her off rudely and she truly seemed very bothered by the fact. So Remus listened as she conveyed her fears to him until the Fat Lady shouted down the hall at them that they only had five minutes left until curfew.
"Thanks, Remus you're a good friend. Most of the students around here don't get it as much because they aren't muggle-born. Lily gets it but she gets far too upset when I bring it up and none of the adults want to talk to me about it."
Remus felt bad since Dorcas had been keeping up with the war almost as much as Ryan had and he himself had not been. He just had too much on his mind as it was without considering the deaths and disappearances that ebbed and flowed throughout the Daily Prophet without fail every week.
"I don't mind you talking to me about it," Remus assured her, wondering why he had to go and do that. The last thing he needed was yet another problem to fret about!
"Thanks, Remus. Oh, Also Lily is worried about you. She doesn't say anything but I can tell. Maybe try to hang out with her a bit more if you can? I don't really care about insisting you two like each other like Marlene but whatever is going on you're at the very least good friends. She misses hanging out with you as much as last year but she won't tell you that because she doesn't want to bother you. Only you don't have Quidditch like I do and Lily and Marlene can only hang out with each other so long without bickering and don't even get me started on Severus," Dorcas finished angrily.
"Sorry I'll try to hang out with her more. I didn't realize she was feeling lonely," Remus cut in really needing to read some of the spells before he snuck out tonight. At least then he could feel like he had tried even if there was nothing he could do.
"Boys can be so oblivious. You did at least remember to wish her happy birthday today, didn't you?"
Remus nodded, feeling like a bad friend because he almost hadn't. He was pretty sure his gift to Lily would make up for his earlier thoughtlessness though.
"Good, I suppose you aren't that daft at least. Well if you hadn't thought of it the best birthday present you could give her would be to talk to her about whatever it is she's worried about and saying whatever you need to in order to ease her worry. Also, you might also want to tell Peter to dump Marlene; she really isn't interested in him. I know she goes through a lot with her family but she's way out of line. She just cares too much what other people think, you know?"
Remus nodded wishing he had just asked Dorcas for the book in front of everyone instead. He had forgotten how talkative she could be! Usually, Dorcas was hanging out with Lily who was a bit more talkative, but Dorcas sure had a lot to say when she got the chance!
"I'll be sure to tell him. Thanks, Dorcas," Remus cut in hoping he didn't sound too rushed. Dorcas didn't look annoyed though just nodded to him as if she could check something off some mental list.
"Alright, I'll go get you the book. I'll give you several and no one will bother figuring out which one you actually wanted to read, does that sound ok?"
"Yes, thank you," Remus replied gratefully before following Dorcas back into the common room. He waited impatiently for Dorcas to come back from her room with the books while he did his best to ignore the stupidity of the second year boys who were teasing him. Once Dorcas handed him the pile of books he retreated upstairs hoping to squeeze in at least a few hours studying before his trip to the Forbidden Forest.