It had taken Remus less than five minutes to sneak upstairs, grab the cloak with a silent apology to the ever so generous James Potter, then sneak out of the common room. Remus thought he felt someone's eyes on him but when he turned around, cloak shoved in his knapsack he found that all his friends were preoccupied dancing and figured he must have been imagining it. As soon as Remus exited the common room, ignoring the Fat Lady's chastisement, he threw the cloak over him and exited the castle as swiftly as he could without letting his footsteps echo on the tile. As soon as Remus reached the grounds of Hogwarts the enchanting song of the woods brought him to tears. He ran down the big hill nearly tripping as he sprinted to the Forbidden Forest tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Warrior of might and beauty. The stars welcome you. The trees weep. Nature beckons you to rest on her bosom. Sprint headlong into the heavens Silverstream."
Remus struggled to make out more words than that, or more accurately translate the images and sensations into coherent words in his mind. No, no Silverstream couldn't die! Remus hugged the knapsack to him tightly, the vile of medicine inside. He had to save Silverstream, he had to! Remus glanced guiltily back to the castle but the howls, even those he couldn't translate physically seemed to be pulling him. Remus didn't hesitate any more and stepped into the woods which still felt...wrong but the wolves' beautiful song allowed him to focus on following the howls. Remus was terrified the howls would stop at which point he would have to decide if he dared howl back, dared unleash the instincts that were screaming at him to join in the song. It was his place, it was his pack? It was... Remus shook his head, pressing a hand to his cheek both to wipe away the tears and to remind himself he was a human...more or less.
He walked and ran and walked some more, hardly noticing the forest around him under the safety of his invisibility cloak. After what felt like no time at all and simultaneously days Remus burst through some underbrush falling onto all fours at an odd clearing in the middle of the woods which resembled a meadow and seemed to be something pulled straight out of a fairy tale. Remus gaped at the bioluminescent flowers that covered the small field. He was now taking in the nature around him and he turned this way and that, finding he was encircled by trees who seemed to be swaying slightly to the tune of the howls and whose leaves were being lit up by fireflies or something like it. Remus was overwhelmed and confused as to what he was witnessing. Ten wolves were circling a wolf lying in the middle whose body, based on what little Remus could see, seemed to be covered in a thin blanket of moss.
Remus fumbled with the cloak and the song that had not ceased since he first heard it on the balcony what felt like years ago stopped abruptly. He felt his mouth go dry, feeling eyes that were not at all friendly fall on him. Remus had not been aware of the nymphs but he could feel rather than see the shy creatures blending into the trees and knew their sudden hostility was unmistakenly trained on him.
"Peace, tree sisters, he is one of us," replied a wolf whose muzzle was completely grey, and even though Remus had never seen the creature before a part of him felt as if he had known this wolf, all these wolves, his whole life. What was wrong with him?
"We are a part of you brother," the older wolf addressed him in his head.
"Human brother," Skipper yipped, ignoring the severe look from whom Remus could only assume was the young wolf's mum.
"I...I tried to come before...I couldn't find you...I didn't think...I um didn't think to howl," Remus explained feeling out of place and nervous. He felt he had to explain himself, to defend himself to the ten wolves who were now all watching him. Some of the wolves were cautious, others curious and still others hopeful. They expected Remus to save her, to save Silverstream. Remus gulped, feeling shaky. He shouldn't be here, he didn't belong here.
"You need not explain yourself to us brother. And you belong here." the older wolf declared with a sense of gentle authority and ability to somehow seemingly read Remus' mind that reminded him of Dumbledore. Asher was the old wolf's name though the logic behind the name escaped Remus as he tried to control his emotions, shakily unzipping his pack and pulling out a small silver vial. As if in a dance the wolves fluidly moved into a half-crescent that somehow reminded Remus inexplicably of the moon itself. Odder still was the fact that there should not be a moon out, Remus would have bet his life that it was a new moon tonight. But without any sort of explanation, the whole meadow was filled with a familiar light that he could only describe as moonlight. Bathed in the moonlight the wolf inside Remus howled which frightened him to no end. Unsure if he was dreaming Remus approached Silverstream who he could now see was not covered in a blanket of moss but instead seemed to be sinking into it as if being swallowed by the very earth itself. Remus should have felt disgusted but part of him knew that these wolves were following the order of life, order humans often forget. Remus should have been terrified being around so many wolves who could easily tear him to shreds, but he felt somehow more at ease with them than he often did around his human counterparts.
"Oh, Silverstream," Remus whispered, brushing the still uncovered face of the wolf gently. Uncorking the vile Remus tipped the wolf's head back, her tongue lolling out of her mouth, her breathing raspy and broken. Somehow crouching by Silverstream reminded Remus painfully of his mum. It was the sound of the dying breathing that made an image of his ill mum flash in his mind. Pushing away from the sorrowful memory of Hope, he did his best to get as much of the potion into the wolf's mouth as he could. "Come on Silverstream, swallow," he encouraged in a hushed whisper unsure if the wolf could hear him.
But Silverstream did swallow after a few tense seconds and the whole clearing waited in silence. Remus held his breath, his fingers entangled in the fur of Silverstream that had still not been swallowed by the mound of slowly expanding moss. Remus physically felt Sliverstream's last breath leave her body and the grieving sob that escaped him sounded much more like a howl than it should have for his comfort. Remus had no reason to be as brokenhearted over Silverstream's death as he was. But that didn't stop him from falling against the mix of fur and moss and sobbing as the wolves howled a softer song as last time, for some reason sounding less sad than before.
Remus wanted to be mad at them. He wanted to find the fact the wolves didn't appear to be grieving as some sort of proof they were monsters. But he couldn't find it in himself too. Remus cried over Silverstream in a way he had never gotten to cry over his mum's body and after a long while he somehow realized he felt better for it. A muzzle suddenly was laid on Remus' shoulder in a comforting gesture that almost sent him crying again.
"She spoke kindly of you pup. Not even the blood of the sister unicorn helped her in the end. You saved her once before, do not hold onto not being able to this time," Asher hummed to him.
"You don't understand! If I had come earlier then maybe it could have not been too late," Remus shouted knowing he was breaking the solemn peace of the clearing but not caring. He could feel rather than hear the disapproval of the nymphs resounding deep inside him, but he didn't care. "You all don't even care that she's dead." Remus was sure Asher would get mad at him at the accusation. But the old wolf instead laid down next to him and Remus swore he could physically hear the sound of the old wolf's bones crying out in protest.
"You have much to learn about life, young pup, and so few who will teach you the ways of the wolf."
"I don't want to learn the ways of the wolf," Remus muttered. Asher let out a huff of amusement that caused Remus to bristle more. "You don't know anything about me!" Remus snapped.
"Your sadness makes you bare your fangs, pup. Of this, I am all too familiar. Youth is still upon you and it makes you foolish and blind to who you are."
"I'm plenty aware I'm a monster," Remus scowled thinking of how he had failed Davey and now Silverstream. In the back of his mind, Remus heard one of the wolves behind him let out a sad whine.
"You are no monster," Asher replied with patience.
"How can you be so sure?" Remus demanded, feeling the last of Silverstream's fur disappear behind the moss which he had to resist the urge not to tear off in a fit of rage.
"Because you are like my parents were before you. Unlike them, you have not found your pack."
"I suppose you're going to tell me that you all are my back," Remus growled, all but feeling his hackles raise. He had to get away from these wolves or he was going to lose the little sanity he had left! He could feel Asher observe him for several long moments.
"No, pup. As much as we would be honored to have a moon wolf run with us once again it is not to be. One who has not accepted the wolf cannot run with the wolves."
"So I'm all alone then," Remus sobbed knowing this wasn't Asher's fault but very much wanting to blame him for everything. "Your parents were abominations and so are all of you," he snarled, wanting the wolves to growl at him, to kick him out of the forest. Instead, the wolves sat back on their haunches, raised their heads, and howled to the moonless sky.
"Forever you belong, gentle pup. The stars and moon will guide you though you paw and keen."
Remus plugged his ears feeling unbelievably foolish. He should just get up and leave. These wolves didn't know what they were talking about; they all had each other. Remus felt jealous of them suddenly which made him feel even more foolish. Asher put a paw on Remus' hand in a fashion that his parents must have taught him how to do.
"No pup. You are not alone. You already have your pack waiting for you."
"What do you mean?" Remus asked tiredly. He was simply unable to take more than one old man who spoke in riddles in his life at a time.
"There are other pups inside that brick prison you are so happy living in."
Remus understood what he meant and wiped his damp cheeks with the back of his other hand.
"They don't understand," he sullenly pointed out. Asher tilted his head looking at him quizzically.
"We do not all understand each other here," Asher explained and Remus had the sneaking suspicion the old wolf was specifically speaking of Skipper. "Each life is different. Each wolf is unique. No pup. You are confused. Pack does not have to understand, the pack just has to love."
Remus inhaled shakily and nodded to Asher, feeling as if he had just been answering a question he hadn't known he needed to ask. Sensing Remus had calmed down and 'un-bared his fangs' Asher stood on his paws once more and looked over his shoulder at the other wolves who had not yet left the clearing.
"Let us rejoice in Silverstream's passing from pain. She runs in the night sky and participates in an endless hunt of boundless prey. Welcome our newest brother. Though he is a pup and has his own pack he forever remains a part of us."
Remus' mouth fell open, unsure how to feel about the strange farewell to Silverstream and unsure how to begin to ask what Asher even meant about it all. Remus could tell that Asher was translating the information to him in a way he could understand. Remus caught glimpses of slight tail twitches and head dips in such a way that made it clear the wolves thought he was a slow pup that was as knowledgeable of their ways as a newborn. Remus would have been offended, only he knew it was true. Somehow these wolves had a whole intricate culture that Remus had little more than an inkling of and had not yet made up his mind on if he ever wanted to know.
All of the wolves introduced themselves to him and Remus could see from the names down to the way each wolf held themselves and approached him that Asher was right in saying each wolf was unique. Remus learned of Asher's parents who after giving birth to Asher and three other wolves who had since passed away had opted to live in a thick forest in Ukraine. After Asher's parents had passed he and his siblings had gone on their mother's instruction to the Forbidden Forest where the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at the time, none other than Albus Dumbledore, had arranged everything so the four wolves could remain in secret. Asher was Skipper's great uncle though Remus realized the wolves didn't distinguish members like that.
The pack was the pack and while Remus was introduced to each wolf he could no more tell whose Asher's offspring were than whose offspring had been one of Asher's siblings without a great amount of puzzling. Remus, despite himself, found that he was fascinated by the wolves whose names. This was because, other than Asher who was named by his parents, each name told something about each wolf's personality. Remus also began to understand that not only were these wolves highly intelligent but that Asher at the very least had the magical ability to read minds. This made Remus feel uneasy for a few moments but the old wolf gave off the impression of one who did not care to dig around Remus' mind, if he even could, which made Remus feel a bit better. As far as Remus knew a great deal of time had passed though wolves did not tell time, not how humans did. Remus realized he should have figured this out when Skipper never showed up a few days ago. But Asher must have been keeping track of something as the old wolf made it clear when it was time for Remus to return home. All the wolves gave similar farewells to Remus welcoming him back to them at any time.
Remus knew how to find them now though he had learned the clearing they were in was due to the nymphs and would not last more than the night. However, even if he was unaware of the exact location of the pack, all Remus had to do was howl and the wolves would answer him. Whether or not Remus would ever actually do this was the real question. Only Skipper had whined so loudly that Remus all but had to promise he would come to visit, reminded once more of Sirius and James from the young wolf who was the baby of the pack.
Remus left with Asher who did not explicitly say so outright but who Remus somehow innately knew had something of great importance to show him. Asher was a wolf of few words but Remus found he didn't mind walking in silence as it gave him time to replay the surprising turn of events from the night in his head. Only the more they walked the more Remus became aware of the bad feeling in the air until it got to a point that he had to cover his mouth and his nose with his sleeve.
"Death lurks pup. Unnatural and vile, death sleeps among these trees."
"D...death?" Remus coughed, confused but knowing immediately that Asher was right. The old wolf stopped walking and Remus was glad since he was unsure he could go one step further into the miasm of invisible darkness that seemed to cover them both head to foot...and paw. "Does Hagrid know? Does Dumbledore know?" Asher dipped his head in an unhappy resignation that Remus didn't understand. "Why won't they do anything to help Asher? I don't understand. What do you want me to do?"
"Because pup, the world of humans is unspeakably cruel."
Remus was unsure what to make of that answer but he didn't get the chance to press the matter as the sound of hundreds of hooves suddenly vibrated across the ground of the Forbidden Forest.
Asher moved so he was in front of Remus his hackles raised slightly as at least fifty centaurs stampeded onto the top of the little hill Asher and Remus had come down from. The centaurs pawed at the ground and snorted angrily. Remus wobbled slightly, feeling faint. He was pretty sure even if he did come clean to his friends that they wouldn't believe him. Either that or James and, in particular, Sirius would be so jealous they would never talk to him again.
"Asher, you have been warned about letting their kind in here." A deep voice boomed and a black-haired centaur stepped forward, his dreadlocks thick and so long they almost reached his hooves which scraped the ground with irritation.
"Sinatius," Asher dipped his head in a stiff greeting though Remus was quite certain due to the stiffness of the old wolf's body language that he was not at all happy about it. Remus shouldn't have been surprised the centaurs could communicate with the wolves but it seemed like yet another unbelievable realization, which this time sent Remus' quivering knees to give out from under him. "I have committed no crime. He is not "their kind" he is ours," Asher replied with more pride than Remus thought he deserved. It wasn't that long ago Remus was snarling at Asher and being awful to him, though he supposed it hadn't seemed to faze the older wolf who truly seemed to view it as a pup nipping at one's heels.
"I will not warn you again, Asher. You know why his kind can't be here. Especially now at all times. What are you thinking bringing him so near danger," Sinatius protested sternly.
Asher let out a low growl though Remus wasn't entirely sure what the old wolf was so offended about.
"I know the limit of all my pups, Sinatius. I would not lead any of them into danger. This young pup needed to understand the evil that lurks in this forest so he will not falter in using his lungs to howl to his fellow wolves."
"Asher, remove this creature from our woods at once or the centaurs will ride through your dens and trample them under our hooves," Sinatius warned in a bellowing tone than if Remus had not already been crouched on the ground could have quite possibly knocked him over. Asher did not waver. Instead, the old wolf stood staring Sinatius down in a sort of nonverbal challenge that even Remus couldn't follow. Whatever transpired between the two creatures eventually led to Asher's hackles flattening and him dipping his head.
"I will do as you ask Sinatius not because of your ill-mannered threat but because I respect the secrets and whispers of this forest as much as you." Asher declared not paying the centaurs any more mind, turning his back on them and nudging Remus to his feet. Frightened to have his back on more centaurs than he had been able to count, Remus shakily got to his feet, hesitating to turn around until Asher pulled upon Remus' cloak with his teeth in an attempt to get him to move forward. Once they were out of sight of the centaurs Asher let out a low growl of pure frustration. "Arrogant horsemen," Asher huffed in such a way that Remus wouldn't have been at all surprised if the centaurs would have been deeply offended by the insult. Part of Remus wanted to ask more about what was going on with the forest and about what secrets the forbidden forest had but he couldn't seem to find the words and Asher did not bring it up. Instead, they kept walking until Asher took Remus by surprise by stopping him suddenly.
"Cast your charm of vanishment from before pup," Asher instructed and Remus quickly threw the cloak back on himself, not daring to go against the old wolf's instruction. Asher seemed pleased by this. "You know how not to let your curiosity lead you to ruin. A lesson young Skipper would be wise to learn." Remus knew Asher meant Skipper's decision to come into the castle and he felt a stab of sympathy for Skipper whose differentness from the other wolves reminded Remus of his apartness from his fellow witches and wizards. "Do not venture into these trees anymore pup. Not without calling one of your brothers or sisters to your side."
Remus opened his mouth to argue but Asher pressed on firmly. "If you cannot yet find your voice to howl then do not come." There was something in Asher's tone that made Remus go cold and realize he had forgotten to ask a very important question.
"Asher, what killed Silverstream?" he asked in a hushed voice as if bringing attention to whatever was out there would make it appear suddenly in front of them.
"A great evil pup, of which I will say no more. Now leave and stick to the shadows pup for your own kind is prowling about."
Remus was dumbfounded but his attempts to learn more were met with a stony silence from Asher who only broke it once more to bid farewell to Remus at the very edge of the forest. Remus hated that a part of him did not want to leave, that a very small, very frightening part of him wanted to follow Asher back to the pack and sit at the elder's paws and learn the ways of the wolf. But Remus forced himself to move in the opposite way to which he wanted to go, a few tears running down his cheeks as he cried for the kind wolf he had only met once but whose loss he felt deeply. Could he really be one of them in some way? Remus shook his head and stomped out of the forest with a finality, imagining he could feel the invisible string tying him to Asher and the other's snap upon his reentry to the world of humans. Remus' world!
Almost remembering Asher's warning too late, Remus stuck to the edge of the forest nearly jumping out of his skin as Professor Sprout bustled out of the woods quite a ways off with a single leaf stuck on her beige pointed hat.
"Rubeus, are you over there?" came Professor Sprout's warm voice. She faced Remus' direction thinking that the noise had been Hagrid but when Remus didn't even dare to breathe she turned right back around and called for the gamekeeper again. Remus saw before he heard Hagrid come bustling out of the woods himself, his hair covered in leaves, a twig sticking out from his tangle of thick black hair.
"Somethin has got the wolves and centaurs worked up but they won't tell me nuthin. I don' get why the alarm is going off all the time," Hagrid sighed, breaking into a wide yawn.
"I'm sure you must be exhausted, Rubeus. Well, I imagine Dumbledore will be forced to lift the shield sooner rather than later. It's a pity but it will have to be done as the blasted alarm is going off so much it is affecting all of the professor's sleep. Half of the staff already don't sleep much as it is due to helping Dumbledore out. Well, you know what I mean. But Helga knows that not all of us can be as reckless as Corbyn or talented as McGonagall. Dumbledore simply must get a big fighting force but it's hard-pressed to find people who want to go up against you know who when even the Daily Prophet is refusing to cover more than the tip of the iceberg about the going on's." Professor Sprout explained as she wordlessly waved her wand the leaves and twigs gently levitating themselves out of Hagrid's hair who didn't seem to notice.
"He has big plans. I reckon Dumbledore will have his army in no time. Great man Dumbledore," Hagrid declared with complete and unshakable faith in the headmaster of the school.
"Oh let us hope so, Rubeus. For the sake of the entire wizarding world let us hope so." Sprout sounded weary.
Once the two adults went their separate ways Remus snuck back into the castle, thoughts racing. Corbyn and McGonagall were helping Dumbledore in some way and it sounded like them doing so was quite dangerous. Remus didn't like hearing the word reckless used to describe Corbyn as he would hate for something to happen to his favorite professor. But nearly more pressing than the unfolding war outside the castle's walls was that someone or something kept coming in and out of the forest. This was happening so often that the silent alarms were going off so much that the professors couldn't keep up. The centaurs did not want any humans in the woods which wasn't new information but the fact that the wolves seemed to be underneath the centaurs was. Remus felt like he needed to draw a diagram of all the ways the different species of the forest interact with one another. Even Asher did not want him entering the forest without the wolves' guidance. Remus had too many questions to count but the one thing he was certain of was there was something unusual and dangerous going on in the forbidden forest and it put all of the creatures on edge.
Remus took his time getting back to the common room feeling worn out in more ways than one. It had felt like he had been in the forest all night but he realized when he found the party still in full swing that he had only been gone for two hours. Remus slid himself into one of the empty plush chairs and sipped at the pumpkin juice one of the older students shoved into his hand feeling dazed.
"Where did you go, Lupin?" Severus asked accusingly, standing so close to Remus' chair that if he had wanted to he could have kicked the Slytherin back into the flames. But Remus wasn't a violent wolf he was an exhausted and bitter pre-teen.
"None of your business Severus. Please leave me alone," Remus replied coolly, barely able to resist the urge to call the unhappy boy Snivellus instead. But Remus wouldn't stoop to James and Sirius level...even if it was incredibly tempting to.
"No, you snuck out hours ago. Where did you go?" Severus demanded his arms crossed around his chest. Remus looked up from his drink and any thoughts to treat Severus with more kindness that the twat deserved left him as he burst out into laughter. "Shut up. Stop that right now. You're mental, you are, you're completely loony."
"What are you wearing?" Remus stammered in the back of his mind knowing Severus must have worn muggle clothes before but finding the sight to be as bizarre as... hmmm... well a standoff between talking wolves and centaurs. Remus couldn't stop the laughter pouring out of him as he seemed to break from the stress of the night..., bloody hell more like the stress of the entire year. Remus clutched his sides laughing hysterically as the muggle music which had been lowered several notches since his departure continued playing in the background. Severus reached for his wand but Lily must have had the foresight to confiscate it because the Slytherin dressed in ( ) did not have it.
"I bet you were up to no good Lupin. I know you were! I wonder what Lily would think finding out you snuck off from her party," Severus sneered. Remus tightened his fist around his cup inhaling slowly.
"Says the pompous pustule who didn't show up until halfway through his best friend's party," Remus retorted cooly, finding the insult rolling off his tongue as if it had always been there in the back of his mind. Severus' face reddened in a splotchy manner making him look like he might internally combust.
"I knew you were as bad as Potter and Black. They've sure turned you into their lapdog haven't they Loony Lupin, hah, now that's a fitting name." Severus replied unaware of the inner tempest of rage he had just unleashed inside of Remus. Jumping to his feet Remus pushed Severus backward sending the Slytherin boy tumbling over and very nearly missing the fire. Remus wasn't sure if being called 'lap dog' or something similar to what the old muggle bullies had called him was what had pushed him over the edge, but something had. Staring down at Snape who no longer looked pleased with himself and instead looked like he might shit himself from whatever he saw in Remus' eyes felt oddly satisfying.
"You have no idea how much I reign in Sirius and James' bullying of you Snivellus. If you want to pick a fight with me I would think long and hard about what that means for you," Remus warned and when Severus nodded mutely he turned away. "If Lily asks I'm going to bed because I'm completely knackered," Remus added knowing Severus would no longer tattle to Lily. Sure, Remus would probably be hexed later on, since he was certain the Slytherin was seething. But in the meantime standing up to Severus had felt entirely worth it. As Remus snuck away from the party once more he stopped on the steps and took in the view of his friends laughing and having a good time. Standing there as Severus brushed himself off and stormed out of the common room, Remus realized the Marauders really had rubbed off on him. Though he supposed that wasn't the worst thing in the world. They were...after all his pack...sort of.