WARNINGS: -NSFW- Explicit sexual content.

XIII

PRETTY

PART TWO

He put the cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand and pounced on me, kissing me tenderly. The taste of tobacco made me intoxicated, along with his cologne and the feel of his skin against mine made me shudder in his embrace. He stopped kissing me to look into my eyes and stroked my forehead, brushing back a few strands of hair.

Beneath his body, I felt safe. It was like a prison I had always longed to be a prisoner of. He kissed me again and when his tongue burst into my mouth, I was delighted to receive him. His caresses moved to my silk covered breasts and I moaned in the middle of the kiss.

Thomas directed his attention to my neck, where he licked, bit and kissed the skin, then slid down to the junction of my collarbones and from there to where my nightgown covered my sternum. With his thumbs he pressed the nipples and while inside me I was cursing the piece of cloth that kept me from his touch, I felt him stick to me even more and I felt his erection on my belly.

"Take off that fucking nightgown", he demanded, breathing heavily on my chest. All the tenderness he had originally had was gone. The need spoke for him. "Get up and take it off for me".

I would be lying if I said I was surprised by what he was asking of me. Thomas is a very sexual man and you don't have to sleep with him to realize that. It is obvious that he too is the type of man who takes delight in what he sees and enjoys watching a woman strip her clothes. In my case, I had already done such a thing before so it did not cause me any shyness other than the expectation generated by seeing how he would react.

He released me and allowed me to stand up. I placed myself in front of the bed and before doing anything, I took a few seconds to observe him. I too am a person who can marvel at what my retinas capture and what the sight gave me back at that moment, turned me on even more: Thomas was lying in bed, his body full of scars was agitated. He was watching me expectantly, his eyes sleepy and wet, his arousal showing in his underpants. I gulped as I realized how much I wanted this man, how much I yearned for his body and having him inside me.

I grabbed the straps of the nightgown and pulled them free, allowing the silk to slide over my skin and fall to the floor. Thomas blinked a few times at the mere gaze of my breasts. Without giving him the possibility to process my incipient nudity, I also freed myself of my underwear and thus, finally, I was naked in front of him.

"Come". Thomas stretched his hand out to me after letting out a sigh. I laced my fingers with his and went back to bed. "Come with me, Ollie".

Once I was lying down again, he went straight to what interested him. He licked the left nipple and the warm moisture in that sensitive area sent an electricity run down my back. Thomas placed his attention on my right breast making use of his caresses and when I felt him bite I jumped. Thomas laughed throatily against my skin and I couldn't help but curse him. He was so good at what he did.

He went down, leaving a trail of wet kisses. When he reached the navel he stopped and met my gaze.

I didn't expect him to ask me for permission since it wasn't like Thomas Shelby to ask permission for anything, so when I saw him leering at me I knew that he was trying to be captivated by my reaction. He continued to slide his chin towards my femininity, his eyes on me and, once he had placed my legs on his shoulders, he did what he had to do.

"Tom!" I exclaimed, not quite sure why. His name was the first thing my tongue allowed me to say when I felt him there. "Ah!", I squirmed.

I brought my hands up to his head, praying that he wouldn't separate from me. I remember it now and it scandalized me, but seeing him so focused on giving me pleasure, with his fingers buried in my thighs, made the fire inside me burn more strongly.

"Olivia", he called me, taking a moment to breathe, "I've wanted to do this to you since I saw you for the first time", he confessed and rose until he was on top of me again. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. The sweetest. The goodest". He kissed my neck as I digested his words. "Fuck, I don't deserve you".

"All I'm going to tell you is that man is only capable of loving one woman and that woman is Grace Shelby".

How pathetic it must be that at a moment like that, the image of Grace Shelby wandered through my mind. Her demeanor charged with elegance and mysticism, as I had known her in her portrait the night of the gala dinner, haunted me like a specter and as Thomas kissed me again, she whispered in my ear that he would never be able to love me as he had loved her.

The pleasure and the anguish, both feelings so contradictory, intermingled inside me and apparently showed on my face as Thomas looked at me in confusion.

"Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, trying to downplay it but the tears had already appeared in my eyes. The realization that I once again loved a man who did not belong to me deposited an immense hatred of myself.

"Ollie, what's wrong?", Thomas looked worried.

"This isn't right, Thomas", was all I was able to say.

"Are you saying this because of Lizzie?"

No. I wasn't saying it because of her but I couldn't reveal my true feelings to Thomas either, since the last time I'd named Grace things had gotten out of hand.

I nodded, praying the lie would suffice as an answer.

"Lizzie and I are still married because it's convenient for both of us", he explained. "Convenient for her, due to the financial situation, and convenient for me since for my image as a parliamentarian, it's better to be married".

"I don't want to be your mistress" I said and tried to make that statement also serve to make him aware of my battle against the memory of Grace Shelby. "I don't want to be a May Carleton in your life".

Thomas was surprised when I named May.

"What did May tell you?", he wanted to know, and I sensed that this was my chance.

"That you left her for Grace".

"Grace is dead", Thomas simply replied. The gloomy tone in his voice warned me that this was a rugged subject.

"But you will love her forever, won't you?" I felt a tear slide down my face and stop at my earlobe. "She will always be your true love".

"Olivia", Thomas wiped my tears away with his thumbs, "I'm not going to lie to you: I love Grace. She was taken from me and died because of me. She was the only person capable of making me feel alive after the War". Grief-stricken, I tried to free myself from his embrace and get out of bed. I had had enough.

"Wait. Let me finish", he stopped me, pressing me against the mattress. "For you I feel something, I don't really know what it is but whatever it is, without a doubt, it's something that also makes me feel alive. Today, after many years, I was able to laugh and for that I'm grateful to you. Today, after many years, my day did not revolve around death, money and power. I can't promise you that I won't hurt you but let me see if I'm capable of loving you".

"You're telling me you're going to play with me", I snapped. My face was wet with tears.

"I'm not going to play with you", Thomas tried to calm me down. "All I'm telling you is that we bet on what is happening between us, even if we lose later".

"I can't afford to lose, Thomas. My heart won't be able to bear any more disappointments".

"Are you going to leave me?" he asked and suddenly and looked immensely sad.

"How am I going to leave you if we are nothing?", I questioned.

"We are something and you know it". Thomas kissed my face congested with crying. "That is why we are here. That is why I have tried to get close to you since I met you in the same way that you have not denied me. There's something, Ollie".

In my case, that "something" was love. The deepest love I have ever felt in my life. Deeper than I ever thought I felt for someone who put an engagement ring on my finger twice. In Thomas's case, I had no idea what that "something" meant, but I was comforted by the fact that I knew I could stir up such feelings in a broken person.

I had seen him myself a month ago, sitting on the edge of my bed, speaking of himself with a contempt similar to what he would have for his worst enemy. Thomas Shelby was a man who, as he himself had said, had lost everything and was unaware of what kept him alive.

I'm not trying to justify it because it is more than obvious that his words had hurt me, but it is the price I have to pay for falling in love with a person whose disturbed soul is irreparable. I knew it from the moment I saw him: the sadness in his eyes, the secrets and half-truths about him, the way in which Ada tried to protect me from him, only increased his character as a lost man and still I fell in love.

It was late, and as I allowed myself to feel again the passion that a few minutes ago had intoxicated me, I told myself that there was nothing I could do but give him the opportunity to fall in love with me too. Walking away was not an option since, although it would have been the healthiest thing to do, seeing myself imagining a possibility, a "what if...", seemed pathetic to me.

Thomas kissed me again and I hugged him tightly, as if suddenly afraid of losing what had never been mine.

He was gentle in caressing me until finally we were both back to where we were before committing sincericide. He ran his fingertips down the curve from my waist to my hips and infiltrated my sex with his index finger.

He snorted when he heard me moan and bit my ear.

"Tommy", I called out as the frenzy increased and he added one more finger.

"I find it funny that you choose to call me by my nicknames at a time like this but I like it", he observed. His voice was rough and deep. "You called me 'Tom' when I was down there and now you call me 'Tommy'. I wonder what you'll call me when I'm inside of you".

He stopped touching me and pulled away from me. Disappointed by the fact that he had stopped, I looked at and saw that he was about to take off his underwear.

Finally, Thomas Shelby discovered for me what I had been imagining for two months in the darkness of my room. He seemed quite proud of his masculinity and he was rightly so. He allowed me to contemplate him for a few seconds and then, taking me by the arms, he forced me to get on top of him. He leaned back with a smile on his face.

"I told you that you were going to leave this estate knowing how to ride".

I was scandalized by those words, although I couldn't hide the fact that they were funny. I let out a nervous giggle, almost hysterical, and he laughed too.

"I hope you're better riding a man than a horse", he added, using his typical arrogance.

"Are you challenging me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Yes", he assumed. "Surprise me, Olivia Westerling".

Above him, I possessed all power. Until that moment, Thomas had done with me what he had wanted but now I was the one who had it at my disposal and I loved that.

As I put my fingers around him and tugged a bit, he jerked under me and groaned. That fascinated me. A shadow of need crept across his face and took me by the hips, urging me to sit on top of him. I caressed his face, owner of those precious features, while he directed it towards my sex and I received him willing and eager.

We both gasped at the simple contact. My insides loomed around him and I saw Thomas swallow hard in exasperation.

"God, Ollie", he whispered and his hands caressed my back. "Ollie, Ollie, Ollie..."

Having him inside me caused a sensation that I had never felt before. Beyond physical perceptions, the pleasure that came from knowing that I was really desired, seeing myself capable of generating those kinds of reactions in a man, lit a fuse that made lust burn and I brought it inside me to the base in a way abrupt.

Thomas's surprise was capital: his eyes widened and he fixed them on mine, immediately throwing his head back and lying on the bed.

I rested my hands on his chest and as I prepared myself to thrust him for the first time, I caressed an old scar on his right shoulder. I heard him moan gutturally, his eyes back and his chest rose in a sigh, begging for air.

I started the sway. Blood ran through my limbs at an incredible speed and I felt my heart crash against my ribs, agitated. Although my body asked me to close my eyes so that I could concentrate on the sensations, I could not miss the sight that returned my sight: I had Thomas Shelby under me, his skin beaded with sweat, his face disloged with pleasure and I was the cause of that. It was me who was on top of him, it was my glutes that he clung to, it was my name that emanated from his throat every time I ride him.

"Ollie", he was calling me again. "Ollie, Ollie, Ollie..."

I couldn't help but respond with gasps since I had lost the ability to speak. It was curious that he had longed for me to call him by his nicknames when now it was he who called me by mine.

Suddenly, I saw him frown and as if some thought had slapped him, he came back to reality. Thomas grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up, with an ease that led me to question whether I was too weak or had he acquired superhuman strength. He made me release him and almost desperately, he threw me onto the mattress, to which I fell backward. Thomas was placed on top of me, as we had been in the beginning and to my surprise, he did not penetrate me again but, to my astonishment, he dropped his seed on my belly.

"You will beget a child", Polly Gray had told me a few weeks ago, and I, like an idiot, thirsty for Thomas, had forgotten that particular warning. We hadn't been careful enough.

"I'm sorry", Thomas apologized. His words puzzled me and I looked at him, only to find him with a half smile on his face. "I would have loved to come inside you but we can't take the risk" Thomas added.

He was right. Thomas was already a father and I didn't want to be a mother, and our strange relationship was just beginning to settle.

After cleaning myself, I went back to bed and lay down next to him, just as I had done a while ago, when nothing had happened yet. Thomas leaned against my chest.

"Would you recite a poem to me?" He asked, almost asleep and hoarse. I remembered that the last time I had seen him, in my room, he had told me to write since he wanted me to read him a new poem.

"I couldn't finish the new poem you asked me to write", I tried to excuse myself. "Although it may not seem like it, it's not so easy to write poems, Tom. I could read you another one from my notebook, if you want, but it won't be about you", I explained and rested my chin on his head.

The silence Thomas gave me in response seemed strange to me at first and it was after a few seconds that I realized that he had fallen asleep. Trying not to wake him up, I looked at his face and was surprised to see such peace on his features. Thomas slept calm, happy, unperturbed; devoid of any fear and regret, and felt my heart clench with love.

For my part, I couldn't sleep. I tried, but it was difficult having a man like Thomas on top of me, and the adrenaline that I had experienced was preventing me from falling asleep.

Morning came and with it the loud singing of the birds. It was no longer raining and when Thomas got up at dawn, I was able to get some sleep. When he woke me up, we left the room in the spirit of going to the dining room. I couldn't help but glance at the bed before closing the door: the sheets were rumpled and the portraits in the paintings looked stunned as if they had witnessed everything Thomas and I had done.

"A bed in a beautiful room". I smiled.

May waited for us with breakfast while she read the newspaper. Seeing us, I got disturbed by the feeling that her look gave me, since it was as if she knew what had happened. We greeted each other and began to eat breakfast, once again surrounded by an uneasy and eternal silence that I found myself preferring when I heard May prepare to speak.

"How did the nightgown turn out, Olivia?", she asked.

I almost choked on the tea. The question had been insidious and everyone at that table knew it. I hadn't slept in the nightgown since I had only had it on for a few minutes until Thomas demanded that I take it off for him.

"Very comfortable. Thank you", I just answered.

"Didn't the lace itch?" May insisted, frowning. "After you went to the bedroom, I realized that the maid had given you a nightgown that I had long ago discarded for that very reason: the lace on the neckline is terribly itchy and doesn't let you sleep".

"I was very tired. To be honest, if lace made me itch, I didn't realize", I said, with my best poker face.

"Yes, I guess". There was a hint of sarcasm in her words that both I and Thomas recognized.

Finally, the time had come to leave that estate. When we finished breakfast, Thomas and I wasted no more time and announced our departure. May, who was also anxious to get rid of us, walked us to Thomas's car, which had been left out all night, and as Thomas struggled to start the engine since it had gotten soaked, May approached me, silent like a cat.

"He loves you", she said.

"What?"

"Thomas loves you".

"No. He doesn't", I corrected May, and I couldn't stop the anguish from manifesting in my voice.

"Then he will, eventually", she said, shrugging off my words. "May I ask you a favor, Olivia? A woman-to-woman favor?". I nodded, puzzled by her sudden kindness. "Make him happy", she requested with some sadness. "I don't know you but you seem to be a good woman. Beyond having a similar body shape, I see that we are similar at heart. I think you would be able to give that man all the affection he needs and that he doesn't allow me to give to him".

Her words shocked me but they seemed sincere and in them I did not detect a trace of animosity. May Carleton had already lost Thomas once to Grace, and apparently she had assumed she would lose him to me too.

"I will, May". I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. I couldn't blame her for the attitude she had shown to me in the beginning.

Thomas managed to get the car to start after several attempts, and when he leaned out of the window and saw May and me smiling at each other, he raised an eyebrow.

"It works now, Olivia", he said. "Let's go".

I said goodbye to May with a slight nod and got into the car. When we left the Carleton lands, I let out a sigh and all the tension in my body was released. I settled into the passenger seat and prepared to sleep until we reached Birmingham.

"We'll have to go back," Thomas said suddenly, and I looked at him curiously. He was smiling. "In the end, you haven't learned how to ride Pretty".