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XVII
DANCE WITH WOLVES
June 16th, 1931
Summer's coming. It's perceived in the dense and humid air, and the rains are more and more frequent.
A squall took us by surprise this morning when we were heading towards Thomas' mansion, and Ada had to stop the vehicle on the side of the road, waiting for the downpour to subside, thus prolonging a journey that was already too long and too unbearable for both of us: for my friend, because she didn't want me to attend the family meeting invoked by Thomas a week after his assassination attempt. For me, because although I would have preferred not to attend, I felt obliged to do so.
"This is bad", Ada muttered under her breath. "Fucking Tommy. What the hell is going through his mind?", she questioned for the umpteenth time since we got in the car. "Olivia, when it stops raining, we go back to Birmingham".
"No". This was the third or fourth time I had stopped her impulse. "I have to go. I'm the only witness. The only person who was with Tommy when Gina shot him".
"You're wrong", my friend contradicted me. "You're not a witness for anything because you were not in the office when Gina decided to shoot Tommy. God... ". She sighed in distress. "We don't even know if it was Gina who shot him. Tommy has nothing but conjetures".
"I believe him", I said, tense.
"You believe everything he says". Ada didn't blurt that out with the intention of attacking me. "And while you may have already realized because you're not stupid, let me remind you: Tom isn't right in the head. Lately, he suffers from a major persecution mania".
"The shot was not product of his persecution mania, Ada". I turned in my seat to face her but she kept the eyes on the road. Ada was pale. "Gina wanted to kill him and that's the only truth. We already checked the attendance sheet. At that time, all the employees had left the Company so Tommy could only have been shot by someone who doesn't need to register his entry or exit; that is, a member of the Board of Directors".
"You assume the person who wanted to kill him is someone from the Company". I saw Ada shake her head. "You don't know how many people want my brother dead. That they shot him in his office was a mere coincidence".
Lightning streaked across the leaden sky, suddenly blinding us with its bluish light. The rumbling came a couple of seconds later and with it, the rain seemed to get worse.
"Fuck", Ada cursed.
"I know you're trying to protect me", I said, reassuring her, "and I know the lack of evidence isn't the only reason you don't want me to go. It's because of Lizzie", I concluded.
"Olivia, believe me when I tell you that Lizzie is the least of your problems". Apparently, I had only managed to upset Ada even more. "You're about to meet the true face of my family, the way they relate with each other. What you saw at the board meeting was nothing compared to what Peaky Blinders meetings are like. The Company is a hobby for the Shelbys. A fucking hobby. The real shit... happens behind the curtain, and you're about to sneak behind that curtain". Ada gripped the steering wheel hard, as if she wanted to start the car once and for all. "I told Tommy not to get you involved with the Peaky Blinders. I made him promise that he wouldn't..."
"When did you tell him that?", I asked curiously.
"It doesn't matter", Ada snapped, annoyed.
Before I could investigate further, Ada started the engine and stepped on the accelerator, completely forgetting about the danger posed by the waterlogged dirt road. For my part, I decided to remain silent for the rest of the trip as I considered it a risk to upset my friend while she was driving.
On the other side of the almost impenetrable curtain of water, I glimpsed the facade of Arrow House, Thomas's mansion. I found myself perceiving a strange sensation, a mixture of vivid reminiscences and awe, a product of the many experiences that I had lived in such a short time and of which I was suddenly aware.
I had first set foot in that house on the night of March 31st, and had left it at dawn the next day, believing that I would never set foot in it again. At that moment, I was amazed at how immensely capricious and unpredictable life is; It had placed me in the path of a man, whose personality was the opposite of mine at its furthest end, and had drawn me closer to him in a way that I could not help but fall in love and enter the dangerous world he inhabited.
A little over two months ago, if someone had come from the future and told me what I am experiencing today, I would not have believed them. It would have seemed ridiculous to imagine myself in that scenario: getting out of Ada's car in the middle of a downpour, running towards the front door of the mansion that I once knew how to leave behind, to attend a meeting of a mafia gang, led by the man that I had learned to love. To my ears, it would be like a chapter in a different story. The life of a different Olivia.
We were greeted by the housekeeper whom Ada addressed by the name of Frances and who soon took our coats and then began to direct us to the place where the Shelby meeting was taking place.
We crossed rooms that were familiar to me. First, the hall, where the gala dinner reception had been held and where I had met Thomas for the first time. Then, the room where the stairs were and the portraits of Grace Shelby were displayed.
Something caught my attention: among the portraits of Grace that I had already seen, there was one of similar size where I could immediately identify Lizzie, Thomas and a girl that I assumed was the daughter they both had together. I understand that her name is Ruby.
A hum, similar to a buzz, came from the other side of the door that Frances was leading us to. When the woman knocked, the silence was absolute and when I heard Thomas's voice speak to allow us to enter, my heart filled with happiness. He had come so close to dying in my arms.
Ada went in first, of course, and I followed, much to my disgust. What appeared to be Thomas's study was packed with people. Behind the desk and smoking a cigarette —which he shouldn't be smoking since the doctor had forbidden him until his recovery— was Thomas, and around him, some standing and others sitting, were the rest of the Shelbys: Lizzie, Polly, Arthur, Michael and a tall young man that I knew how to identify as Ada's little brother, whom I still didn't know and whose name was Finn.
"What the fuck is she doing here?". The first to oppose my presence was Lizzie, as it couldn't be otherwise.
Tempers already seemed to be heated in that room. Polly paced back and forth, visibly flustered. Michael was standing in front of Thomas and, as I could guess, our arrival had interrupted the moment when Arthur was facing his cousin, since he was very close and kept his eyes on Michael.
"She's here because I told her to come", Thomas just answered. Of all the attendees, he was the one who looked the most relaxed.
"And she listened to you", Lizzie grumbled, and then turned to me. "And you listened to him", she attacked me. "Go away, girl. You have nothing to do here".
"Unfortunately, Mrs. Shelby", I worked up the courage to address her, "I have a lot to do here. That's why I came", I explained.
All eyes turned to me. I felt as if I had become the favorite prey of a pack of wolves; as if I were the dumbest sheep in the flock and I alone had made my way to the cave where a hungry pack lived.
I was an intruder and they let me know. None of the Shelbys liked having me at one of their family meetings, not even Thomas.
"Let's end this fucking nonsense once and for all", Michael muttered. "Olivia, did you see Gina shoot Thomas?", he asked abruptly.
"No..."
"Good", he interrupted. "We don't need to know anything else. You can leave, and we should all leave too. This is ridiculous".
"Treat Olivia well", Thomas demanded of Michael. He seemed annoyed his cousin was addressing me. "She saved my life".
"What saved your life was whoever shot you, had shitty aiming", the other man attacked.
"They shot me to the fucking heart".
"And they missed".
"Would you have liked them not to?"
"Enough!" Polly exclaimed, victim of a violent paroxysm. "This can't go on like this!". She walked over to her nephew's desk. "Tom, you know this business. Your life is always hanging by a thread. If you fear so much for it now, the best thing is that you retire".
"I don't give a fuck about my life, Pol. You already know that". Thomas didn't seem altered by his aunt's hysteria. "I'm worried because if it's so easy for someone to access me and shoot me, the easier it'll be for them to get to all of you, ungrateful bastards", he said, pointing at the members of the family one by one except for Michael. "Do you realize that if I fall, all the Shelbys fall?
Michael's throaty, lousy laugh made me want to run away. Things were getting more and more complicated and Ada looked at me with concern as she witnessed my discomfort.
"Do you really think you are so essential?", Michael questioned between laughter.
"Can you explain what the fucking joke is?" Thomas's nerves were beginning to twitch.
"Tommy, I'm tired of telling you". Michael shrugged. "Business' booming thanks to opium. We don't need your intelligence or your protection. The only thing you do with your politics and insanity is make things difficult".
Arthur took two steps until his face was two inches from Michael's ear.
"Repeat that", the mustached man demanded with a growl.
"Are you going to tell me I'm not right?", Michael was not intimidated by the threatening attitude of his older cousin and spoke to the rest of the family. "If Tommy had retired when I first proposed to him, we wouldn't be sitting here talking crap and I wouldn't have to bear the fact that Gina, my wife, is accused of conspiring with Oswald Mosley, a man she has never met nor spoken to. What evidence does Tommy have besides his stubbornness to banish me from the band?"
"It was someone from the Directory, Mr. Gray", I said, and once again all the Shelbys had their attention on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ada look dumbfounded at my statement. "At that time, there were no longer any employees in the Company and only the members of the Board of Directors have the right of staying so late and not leaving their departure recorded in the attendance sheets", I added in order to give my argument much more solidity.
Michael narrowed his eyes and stared at me for a few seconds before allowing himself to speak. Then he cocked his head and I caught a glimpse of a smile on his face.
"Tell me, Olivia, since when you are part of the Directory?", he asked me. I knew immediately where he wanted to go but he didn't let me speak. "You don't have to answer", Michael said. "I think you forget the fact that being... Tommy's secretary doesn't make you a member of the boards of directors. You're just one more employee, and as far as I know, you were at the Company the night Tom was shot".
"Mr. Gray..."
"Let me finish", Michael talked over me, and as if I had suddenly ceased to exist, he addressed his family again. "It wasn't Gina who shot Tommy. It was this woman you see here", and he pointed at me.
"What the hell are you saying?!" Ada shouted before anyone thought to say anything, even before I could defend myself. "Are you fucking serious? Olivia doesn't even know how to wield a gun!"
"That explains the terrible aiming". Michael rejoiced at his hasty conclusions. He felt as if he had really found the culprit.
"Mr. Gray, I never carry a gun with me and even if I had intended to shoot someone, I couldn't have done it", I explained. My heartbeat had increased up in fury at seeing me singled out as Thomas's alleged attacker.
"And why should we believe you?", Michael questioned.
"This is ridiculous". Thomas propped both elbows on the desk and rubbed his eyes impatiently. "That you decide to accuse a woman who has nothing to do with the Peaky Blinders and who doesn't get any benefit with my death is fucking ridiculous". The flat, unemotional tone of voice let me and everyone else know that Thomas was about to reach his limit.
"Why my woman and not yours, Tom?" Michael wasn't worried about his cousin's impending outburst, nor was he worried about the dark countenance that Lizzie showed when he referred to me as Thomas's woman. "Why does Gina really have motivations to shoot you but this stranger doesn't? A stranger who suddenly thinks she has the power to make interventions in the meetings of the band as if she were part of it.
"If you really think me so insidious", I started to speak, and at the sudden urge I had to get closer to Michael, Ada stopped me by grabbing me by the arm, "you're ignoring the fact that Thomas is more useful for me alive than dead. If he dies, I lose my job. If he dies, and he dies because of me, I lose my friendship with Ada, which goes back many years before I had the pleasure or dislike of meeting her family. If he dies and, I repeat, you truly believe me so twisted, I would lose my only chance to move up financially. If you really think that what Oswald Mosley… did to me in my secretariat was a staging, why the hell do you think that since that afternoon there is not a night in which I managed to fall asleep, tormented by the memory of his breathing in my ear and his disgusting words? Ask Thomas in front of you, or Ada next to me, how they saw me after that happened. You'll think they are trying to protect me, but the laudanum in my purse speaks for me, and sadly, Mr. Gray, I'm a poet, not an actress. I would be unable, no matter how much I wanted, to simulate the nervous attacks of which I have been a victim since then".
Thunder shook the panes in the window frame and a sudden gust of wind whipped the raindrops outside, fanning them like flames.
"The girl is telling the truth". Polly still looked disturbed by the situation around her but I noticed that she was referring to me with real empathy. "Michael, Olivia doesn't lie".
"Mum, do you think it was Gina?" Michael asked, annoyed. My outburst unsettled him enough that didn't know what to say and he seemed to hate such a thing.
"I don't think it was Olivia". Polly evaded her son's question as best she could.
Polly Gray had always struck me as the vivid example of what Sigmund Freud often calls 'phallic woman'. She breaks all the social stereotypes imposed on women and she shows herself to the world as what she is: strong, independent, insubordinate and faithful to her ideals. At that moment, I was surprised how the concept I had formed about Polly crumbled when I saw her lower the gaze at the question made by her son and then I understood Michael was her weakness; maybe the only weakness she had.
"But you think it was Gina?" Michael insisted, and his brow furrowed even more.
"Yes, Michael. I think it was Gina", Polly finally assumed.
Michael's mouth twisted into a grimace of disgust, as if he had suddenly been betrayed by his mother's sincerity and, looking over at us haughtily, he left the study at a leisurely pace, but not before staring at me with something which I identified as hate.
"Michael..."
"Let him go, Pol", Thomas stopped her. He seemed calmer now that his cousin was gone.
"That bitch has spoiled his soul", Polly said in a shaky voice. "We need to kill her, Thomas. We must kill her".
Thomas sighed and then turned his gaze to me, with some embarrassment. That's what Ada was referring to when she told me that at family gatherings, the Peaky Blinders dealt with matters too screwed up for someone like me to understand. Members of the Shelby family talked about killing a person so naturally it was horrifying.
"Let's vote", Thomas resolved somewhat uncomfortably. "Raise your hands who are in favor of ending Gina Gray's life".
I saw Thomas raise his hand as he cleared his throat and avoided meeting my dread-laden expression at all costs. Polly followed, of course, and so did Arthur. Finn, who hadn't said a word until then, also raised his hand and I couldn't contain my surprise that Ada did too.
Yes, it is true: Ada is part of the gang and Gina had tried to assassinate her brother, but seeing her manifest her vote in favor of committing murder made my blood run cold and filled me with sadness. Ada is my friend, a woman that I consider a sister and a mother at times. I knew his principles and beliefs, and I would never have imagined that she would be able to position herself above Justice and sentence to death a woman who, beyond her ties, was a mother of a little child, like her.
Also, a while ago, when we were both alone in her car, she had expressed her doubts regarding Gina's guilt. Apparently it had been enough thta Michael pointed me out as the shooter to convince her that, proof or not, only Gina could be guilty.
"Lizzie?" Thomas caught the attention of his wife, who had crossed her arms.
"I'm not voting to murder an innocent woman", Lizzie said. "As little as you like what I'm about to say, I think the one who shot you was your secretary".
Lizzie's words didn't add burden to the astonishment I already had. It was to be expected that between accusing Gina or accusing me, she would choose to accuse her husband's mistress.
"You can believe what you want, Liz", Thomas said. "Anyway, we've gotten the votes needed to kill Gina".
"Pol, your son isn't an idiot". Lizzie ignored Thomas and turned to his aunt. "He will know that it was us who killed his wife".
"Of course he will know", Polly agreed.
"Michael will hate you forever. You're aware of it, aren't you?"
"He already hates me, dear". Polly shrugged, but her tone of voice carried deep sadness. "Michael hates me from the day he decided to marry that harpy and she filled his head with crap. I don't lose anything with Gina's death, on the contrary, we all gain in security. She's dangerous".
"Why are you so sure she was the one who shot Tom?", Lizzie wanted to know with her suspicions still on me.
"I just know".
Lizzie sighed heavily and proceeded to leave the family meeting, pissed off at not being able to change anyone else's position. As if seconds before she had not been accusing me of attempted murder, she passed me by as if I were an entity whose existence was incapable of disturbing her.
"I suppose we can end this meeting", Thomas resolved, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray. "Everybody but Olivia can go", he said just as Ada and I headed for the door.
"Remember you're in the wolf's cave", Ada whispered to me, referring to Lizzie. "Don't be silly", she added, and before leaving me alone with Thomas, she shot a warning glance at her brother.
I stayed where I was, near the door that Ada had surprisingly closed, still shaken by the particular situation I had had to witness.
"You were very brave today, Ollie". Thomas smiled and waved for me to come closer.
I still can't recognize what it was that ignited inside me that pulled me toward Thomas with such need that I found myself running toward him and, pouncing, hugged him so hard that I almost threw him out of the chair. He received my hug with the same affection and gently stroked my back.
Then, I heard a grunt of pain back down. I was squeezing him too tight and his wound still hadn't healed.
"I'm sorry, Tom", I apologized and wanting to make up for my mistake, I tried to pull away. Thomas stopped me and wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me towards him and sat me on his lap. I was alarmed.
Ada had been gone just two minutes ago and I had already succumbed to her brother.
"The way you kicked Michael's ass was wonderful", Thomas said and made his way to my neck, kissing it. My whole body bristled: I had missed him so much and my mind was still disturbed by the fear I had felt when I saw him bleeding on my lap.
"You shouldn't kill Gina", I blurted out and noticed how suddenly Thomas interrupted his kisses.
"It's necessary".
"There are other ways..."
"Which ways are you talking about, Olivia?" Thomas questioned and moving away from my skin he looked me in the eye. "Don't talk about laws or police because those things don't apply in our world", he added when I started to stutter. "Gina made the members of this family confront, she tried to kill me and ruined your dress".
"Tom", I shook my head. It distressed me to think that I had had something to do with that woman's death sentence "The dress is the least of it".
"No, it's not". His eyes twinkled and the corners of his lips lifted, cracking a smile. "Look under the desk".
"What?"
"Look under the desk", Thomas repeated, still smiling and stroking my thighs under my skirt. "There's something for you".
Disoriented by the provocative tone he had used and the way in which I had suddenly stuck even more to his body, I looked under the sturdy wooden desk and identified two boxes well hidden in the darkness that provided the shadow of a furniture that size.
"What's that?", I asked, even more confused.
"Get down, take the boxes, and you'll find out", Thomas encouraged me and seeing me frown, he forced himself to add, "I'd duck if I could but I'm injured", he shrugged.
Looking at Thomas, I slid under the desk between his legs and reached for the boxes. One was cylindrical and pink, the other prismatic, white, surrounded by a black ribbon. In one of them I could read the name of a fashion house whose fame made it exclusive before my eyes: Chanel.
"Ollie", Thomas stroked my head and I turned my attention to him. Seeing him looking at me from that position caused my cheeks to light up and I bit my lower lip to discover my face so close to his crotch. "How beautiful you look down there".
In an almost childish outburst I punched him on the left leg.
"Oi! Do you think it's right to treat a disabled person in that way?
"You're not disabled, you fool", I attacked him and struggling with both boxes, tried to get out from under the desk. Once again, I remembered Ada's advice and I alarmed me how much I was tempted to do something 'silly'.
On my feet and with the two boxes on the desk, I waited for Thomas to say something. I still wasn't used to the fact that he gave me gifts and in a way, it made me uncomfortable.
"Open the white box first". Thomas lit a cigarette. "I had it brought from Paris".
I started to release the black ribbon from the white box with shaking hands. Expectantly, I lifted the lid and before me was revealed a beautiful satin silk dress in a very, very pale pink color. The mother-of-pearl buttons gleamed when I unfolded the garment. It was an extremely fine dress, and the silk felt light and smooth to the touch.
"Tom, it wasn't necessary..."
"Put it on", he demanded eagerly. I saw he was smiling.
"Here?" I looked at the closed door and was afraid that at any moment Lizzie would walk through it. "We're at your house. We should not..."
"You need to see the shoes", Thomas said, pointing to the cylindrical box and, being aware of his mistake, his tongue chuckled in annoyance. "Fuck, I just told you what's in the other box. I suck at these things".
Letting out a little laugh, I opened the pink box and saw a pair of beige patent leather shoes. They went perfectly with the dress and it struck me that a man like Thomas had the ability to know how to combine women's clothing.
"Did you choose them?", I couldn't help asking.
"Yes, I hope they fit you. The truth is, your feet aren't the part of your body that most attracts my attention since there are other more interesting ones". Thomas looked so excited that I felt like dying of love.
I took off my shoes and holding onto Thomas's shoulder to keep from falling, I put on one of the shoes. I was not surprised to see that it fit perfectly, as if it were a glove.
"Well, let me tell you that you hit the size right", I smiled.
"They look beautiful on you. Try them on with the dress", Thomas insisted once more as he took a long drag on his cigarette.
"Not here, Tom". I hated to discourage him but the risk was too high. "I promise you that the day you return to the Company, I'll wear it for you".
"That day the door to my office will have be locked", he said seductively. "Shit, how long will it take for this fucking wound to heal?" Thomas stroked the area where he had been shot and taking advantage of his distraction, I took the cigarette out of his mouth.
"It will heal sooner if you take the doctor's advice and stop smoking for a couple of days". I raised the cigarette to my lips and he stared at me in amazement. I was holding back from the immense desire I had to undress right there. "Meanwhile, we will have to wait".