"Your loneliness is precious to you, I know. Does it disturb you to know you are dear to me? Do not let it. It is such a quiet feeling. It is like the light coming into a room—moonlight—" — Katherine Mansfield, in a letter to J.M Murry, dated December 14, 1919, Letters and Journals of Katherine Mansfield

Raydor is waiting for her when she walks out of Lieutenant Flynn's room and down the hall. She stops short. "Captain Raydor."

Sharon frowned. "I was hoping…"

"Don't hope for much right now, Cap'n," Brenda said as she decided to continue walking past the other woman, who reached out and gently touched her arm. The touch felt like lightning.

"Brenda, please…"

"I wanted to talk, to apologize, to do something other than realize I'd lost my only friend through silence," Brenda replied, not looking at Sharon at all. "I have to find who wants my Lieutenant dead, Captain. Excuse me."

She tugged her arm out of Sharon's hand and kept walking. Sharon watched her go before she sped up again, determined. Not this time.

"Brenda, I'm sorry," she pleaded. "I know I didn't handle this well…"

They're outside the hospital now and Sharon's rushing to catch up with Brenda, who's pointedly ignoring her as she walks to her car.

"Okay, I handled it very poorly," Sharon amended, stopping her before she can just get into her car and go. "I just… don't do this well," she motioned between them. "I was worried I ruined everything," she admitted softly.

Brenda exhaled softly, turning to face the other woman in the chilly L.A. night. "You didn't ruin anything," she replies, biting the inside of her cheek and looking at the ground.

Now Sharon is the one faltering. "I… but you're-"

Despite the redness that rises in Brenda's face, all she does is shrug. "You didn't ruin anything," she repeats.

Sharon brushed back a piece of hair in front of Brenda's eyes, cupping her cheek. "I don't know how much longer I can keep myself away from you," she murmured

"Then don't, Sharon," Brenda replied desperately, looking up at her. "Then don't."

Sharon's lips connected to hers a moment later, slanting their mouths together in the most satisfying way, her mouth electrific and hot and Brenda whimpers, pulling Sharon closer and closer.

Brenda's leg comes up entirely of its own accord, her knee bracketing Sharon's hip. Her hands tangled in thick hair, Sharon breaks her lips away to kiss her neck and pulls her leg up onto her hip and leaned them against the door of Brenda's car.

Neither of them were pulling away. Neither of them were pushing away. Sharon was pulling Brenda closer, sighing into her neck, clutching at her hips and her knee and her thighs, everywhere all at once and it made her dizzy.

"Sharon…" Brenda murmured, helpless under the onslaught of feeling.

"Not here, Brenda," Sharon said, placing one last kiss to her neck before straightening.

Brenda pouted, but she was right. Flynn was in the hospital they were currently necking in the parking lot of and this case was unsolved. She needed to get her head on straight. Hopefully over dinner and wine and…

She cast a hungry look over Sharon.

"Where?"

Sharon felt her face color slightly at the direct implications although she was the one who had said it. It's different hearing it said out loud.

"I'll text you the details," Sharon decides certainly. "This time."

Brenda feels a mixture of nervousness and anticipation at this time, but barely has time to contemplate before Sharon's covering her lips with hers again for a stunning goodbye.

Sharon tilts her head back and takes her time when she covers her lips with her own. She strokes her cheeks with gentle thumbs. Sharon sucks on her lower lip and when that earns her a gasp and Brenda's hands tightening on her hips, she explores her mouth at a pace that could only be described as leisurely. When she parted their lips, Brenda was dazed.

Sharon chuckled warmly. "Goodnight, Brenda."

"... I'm goin' right to the office, but goodnight, Sharon," Brenda finally replied after several moments, touching her kiss-swollen lips. "Goodnight," she repeated to the woman's retreating back, to which she offered a fluttering three-fingered wave over her shoulder.

Brenda leaned against her car to watch her go - and catch her breath - before unlocking her car and getting in. She leaned her head against her head rest. Oh, that woman…

Brenda's back in the dimly lit, quiet office, procrastinating going home to her husband when she decides to text Sharon.

B: Someone paid Harris to kill Flynn.

It doesn't take long for her to get a reply back. Her lips tip up in a grin. It was such a typical Sharon response. She recently changed Sharon's contact from Captain Raydor to Sharon - I.A.

Sharon: You do know I'm investigating Flynn for discharging his weapon and you shouldn't be sharing this information with me via text?

Not two seconds later, she sent the following message.

Sharon: … However, how do you know?

B: We located 37,500 in cash in his apartment, mostly from the 1990s.

Sharon: A recent ex-con with money from the 1990s?

B: Now you see why we're suspicious.

Sharon: It is certainly suspicious circumstances. But unless you can prove someone gave him that money to kill Flynn…

B: Working on it.

Sharon: Have you gotten any sleep yet? You were at the office when I called you, no?

Brenda bites her lip. Sharon always knows. She's playing with the drawer for her sweets and debating on whether or not she wants to eat a Ding-Dong before going home when her phone lights up again.

Sharon: Brenda. Go home and get some sleep.

She rolls her eyes fondly.

B: Yes, Mother.

Sharon: Ha, ha.

B: :)

Sharon: … Text me when you're home?

Brenda blushes, but brushes it off. She just wants to make sure I get home safe, Brenda reasons. Sharon's a wonderful friend, she clearly knows that it's not the best idea for her to be driving.

B: Of course.

Brenda's resolved not to do anything that would jeopardize the relative understanding they've reached - which seems to be that they're both physically attracted to each other. Sharon has said nothing of feelings… and Brenda doesn't want to push her.

She shakes that off, decides against a Ding-Dong, and yawns before turning off her desk lamp and grabbing her keys.

If Sharon can tell anything about Brenda's mood from the way this interview is going, it's that she's not going to like what she has to tell her when she meets her in her office. Already she's wondering if she should just look away, given the downright murderous look on her face.

Buzz asked when she originally entered near the middle of the interview if she wanted him to tell Chief Johnson, but she asked him to hold off. There was something mesmerizing about watching her work sometimes.

"-And the judge keeps extending the People's case so they can make up for the witness they've lost," Zuman says smugly, leaning back in his chair.

Flynn falters. "W-What witness did we lose?"

"Floria Stenzel? Remember her, Lieutenant? My book-keeper you coerced into going back on my alibi?"

Lieutenant Flynn practically growled. "Coerced... That is a hundred percent crap!"

Brenda laid a calming hand on his arm. Zuman shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, bless her soul, Floria found God. And as part of her amends - you'd know something about amends, wouldn't you, Lieutenant?"

Sharon feels the breath get sucked out of her body. She's lived with an alcoholic - separated - husband for long enough that she knows that language, too.

"-Well, as part of her amends, she's withdrawn her wickedly false statements you pressured her into making against me."

Flynn goes to stand and Sharon opens her mouth to speak, but Provenza holds up a hand.

"No, no, Lieutenant. Let me," Brenda says firmly, placing a gentle hand on his arm again. Provenza gestures to the screen as if to say, see?

And then Brenda stands, crosses the table, and sits in front of Rick Zuman. "I know a little somethin' about amends, too, Rick," Brenda grabs his face and forces him to look at her when he won't stop staring down Lieutenant Flynn hatefully.

"Rick, that's A.A language, which makes me think you've been looking into Lieutenant Flynn's personal life and I don't like that. Now, let me tell you what's goin' to happen when you go back to county. They're going to put you straight into Solitary Confinement, so you won't be able to communicate with anybody-"

"Alright, tell Chief Johnson I'm waiting for her in her office," Sharon finally announces, turning on her heel to excuse herself.

Any longer and she might be a witness to something she can't ignore, at least this way she'd have plausible deniability. Sharon shakes her head at the thought as she exits the media room and crosses the murder room to Brenda's office.

… Sometimes watching her work was mesmerizing, and sometimes it was trying to avoid having to start an inquiry.

Provenza just crosses his arms behind his head and leans back in his chair. "And that's not even close to how she usually is."

Buzz leans into the microphone. "Chief, Captain Raydor's here."

"Don't let me keep you," Rick says cheekily.

Brenda doesn't reply, gathering her things and waiting patiently for Lieutenant Flynn to stand and join her before exiting the room and making her way to her office at the pace of a whirlwind. Oh, if she knew about this Floria Stenzel thing…

"Captain Raydor, you knew about these charges claiming that Lieutenant Flynn physically intimidated a witness in Rick Zuman's case and you didn't say anything about it?" Brenda hurls at her the minute the door is shut.

Sharon eyes both of them, sighing. "By law I can't tell you," this takes the wind out of Brenda's sails a little bit. "Forcefully intimidating a witness is a serious and confidential accusation. We can't just tell the suspect!"

Brenda glared at her out of the corner of her eye, arms crossed, even though she knew logically she was right. She could've told me, Brenda thinks spitefully.

"I almost got killed and suddenly I'm a suspect?" Flynn scoffs. "Unbelievable."

"S-So you've just been pretendin' to be helpful here so you can investigate Andy, is that right?" Brenda asks, almost regretting it the minute it comes out of her mouth.

She's still thinking about the information her husband dropped on her this morning when she ran home to change. If anyone was going to know about it, Sharon would. She just can't imagine why she would start sucking up, changing the way she acts at work, and not tell her that Delk will offer her Pope's job. It's like she can trust no one!

You know it's more than likely Sharon just ain't much better at communicatin' than you are, and not that she wants to keep things from you, Brenda Leigh, she hears her Mama's voice say reasonably in her head, and she waves that off like swatting a fruit fly in summer. She doesn't need any of her Mama's reasonable advice right now, she's indulging her pettiness.

"No, that is not right," Sharon says slowly after a long moment. "I didn't know that the Rick Zuman case was connected to the attempt on Lieutenant Flynn's life until today."

Brenda purses her lips. "Well - the minute you found out about it, you should have said something to me!"

"No, I couldn't—" Sharon shifted her files to one hand and rubbed the bridge of her nose under her glasses, rolling her eyes to the heavens for a moment. "Okay, let me tell you how it works. Every time we get a defense request for a pitchess motion, we are required by law to examine the officer's history without notifying him — or his division."

Brenda opens her mouth to speak and Sharon interrupts, "— which includes his superior officer. Most officer's packages, Lieutenant, are this big," she drops a thin file on the table in front of them. "Yours? It's huge," she gestures with his file. "It's crammed with accusations."

"Exonerated of every charge," he growls, stepping into Sharon's space.

"Lieutenant Flynn," Brenda warns, lifting her chin. The message in her voice says, Remember who you're speaking to.

Flynn straightens and nods at Captain Raydor, mumbling an apology.

"But your history lends credence to Rick Zuman's case and Floria's new testimony," Sharon says patiently. Brenda exhales.

"Well, Floria's lying. She 'found God'," he scoffed. "I bet she found God under a big pile of old money!"

"That may be so, Lieutenant, but in the meantime we are going to precisely follow the law!"

"Okay, here we go," Brenda muttered under her breath.

"Yes, here we go," Sharon said directly to Brenda, glaring at her open dislike of the rules. "Ballistics came back; Lieutenant Flynn's bullets did match those in Bob Harris so this is officially an Officer Involved Shooting. Also, you can no longer participate in the investigation of Rick Zuman because he will claim you are once again stacking the deck against him."

Flynn scoffed. "I'm not leaving."

Brenda sighed. "She's right."

Flynn turned to look at her accusingly. "Go home and get some rest," she continued, not budging. "Let me handle this, okay?"

He looked between the two women and, finding no lenience, he left.

Brenda turned back around once she shut the door.

"That man, Rick Zuman? He tried to kill him."

Sharon steepled her hands in front of her. "If you can prove that, Chief, my witness tampering investigation of Lieutenant Flynn will be completely over."

"Okay, then help me."

"How?" Sharon sighed.

"I want everything you have on Floria Stenzel," Brenda says firmly.

They stare at each other for several moments before Sharon slides her a thin file. "This is her basic information and everything else is confidential. And you cannot ask her about her upcoming testimony."

"Oh, I'm not going to ask her a thing," Brenda replied absently, reading the file now, reading glasses low on her nose.

"Oh?"

Brenda looked up, her brown eyes bright with a scheme and lips tipped up in a smirk as she snapped the file closed. "Floria Stenzel is goin' to come talk to me."

"Did you have to terrify the poor woman?" Sharon remarks dryly, leaning back with her arms crossed in her chair.

Provenza shrugged. "Maybe with a few screws popped loose she'll tell us something when the Chief shakes her up a little."

Sharon can't help but roll her eyes.

"I want to go back to my original testimony against Rick Zuman," Floria says desperately. "I made a horrible mistake; please, you have to help me!"

"There, see?" Provenza gestures to the screen, halting his pacing.

Sharon doesn't look away. "She admits to being paid but she's hardly the most reliable witness. I can't close my case until I know who paid her."

Provenza throws his hands up and grumbles before resuming his pacing.

"Now, Floria, I'd love to help you, but without a name or knowing how you got the money, I'm afraid there isn't much I can do to protect you," Brenda says.

Floria bites her lip and looks down. "There is this man. Jeff. He came to my house, gave me this money to go back on my testimony."

Brenda looked at Floria expectantly. Provenza, Buzz and Sharon watched the screens, waiting for more.

"Well?"

Floria threw her hands up. "That's all I know!"

"There's a lot of people named Jeff in L.A. county," Brenda said.

Floria didn't reply.

"Do you have a physical description? A last name?" Brenda rolled her eyes. "An astrological sign?"

When Floria still insisted that was all she knew, Brenda sighed faux-apologetically and stood. "Well, Floria, I heard you found God… maybe he'll protect you. I'll get some patrol officers to—"

"Wait! Wait," Floria begged, reaching a hand out to still Chief Johnson. "Jeff… I have his phone number."

Brenda grinned wickedly. "Now we're working with useful information, Floria!"

"Aw, she's getting crumbs everywhere," Buzz complained. "Cars self-parking, not self-cleaning."

"Bill me for the vacuuming," Brenda said nonchalantly.

Buzz's face goes bright red and he presses the off button on the microphone receiver.

Agent Howard and Captain Raydor enter the room as their suspect enters the car and startles, realizing that the woman in the car isn't in fact Floria Stenzel. Raydor raises an eyebrow at Flynn, who was pointing at the screen.

"That's the guy!" Flynn snaps. "That's the guy who I talked to after the A.A meeting."

"Well, thank you Lieutenant," she nodded. "As we agreed earlier, you can go home now."

"Okay, but I should tell you I'm moving really slowly," he replied absently, eyes locked on the screen.

"I didn't pay Floria a dime," Jeff said hotly on the screens.

"Oh please, that ain't even worth lyin' about," Brenda smirks. "The real issue here is that someone tried to kill a friend of mine. A police officer also due to testify in the Rick Zuman trial. Lieutenant Andy Flynn?"

"Oh my god," Jeff says, looking out the window nervously. "Oh my god."

Provenza nodded to Flynn once Brenda got Jeff panicking, and he began to stand to leave.

"Before you completely freak out, why don't you ask yourself some questions first?" She says sweetly. "Like, 'why am I here, instead of in the back of a squad car?', or, 'why aren't I already under arrest for murder'-"

"I didn't kill anyone—!"

"I wonder if dead-Bob Harris would agree with you," Brenda pouted. "He's who you hired to kill Lieutenant Flynn, isn't he?"

Jeff stared at Brenda in disbelief and fear, and it only seemed to feed the adrenaline she was running on. "You know what I have in my purse? A warrant to search your car."

"Oh my god-"

"And what happens if I use that warrant and find dead-Bob's blood or DNA in your vehicle?"

"I didn't kill him!" Jeff explodes, "I swear, that cop shot him, I just-"

"You just drove around past thirty hospitals, waiting for him to bleed out," Brenda finished in a saccharine tone. "Ain't that right? And then you dumped his body in San Bernardino. If that ain't murder, it's the worst case of litterin' I've ever seen."

"Okay. Okay, what do you want? What do you want?"

Brenda pointed at him. "Now, that's the right question!" She pulled out the paper bags with trackers embedded in them. "I want what you gave dead-Bob and Floria. Only I want a lot more of it."

Jeff looks at her, afraid of what she's going to say next. "A hundred-thousand dollars."

"Oh!"

"And then Rick Zuman goes on to re-trial as planned. Or," she says, giving him the paper bags and heedless of his obvious growing distress, "I turn you in."

Jeff stares at her. "I need time," he sneers.

"You've got three hours," she tells him. "You know what I don't understand, Jeff? Why you care so much about Rick Zuman. You're free, you know where the money is."

"Some people care about things other than money."

Brenda tips her chin up and grits her teeth. "Well, I ain't one of em'."

She unlocks the doors and Jeff practically flees the car and slams it shut behind him. Brenda quietly cleans up the mess from her croissant, opening her own door to brush the crumbs out and uses a napkin to get the rest. Buzz crosses his arms inside the media room.

"Well, at least she cleaned up," he grumbles, but it's fond.

Brenda leaned into the camera on the dash. "Are the bags transmittin', Lieutenant Tao?"

He smiled and pulled the microphone close to him. "Loud and clear, Chief."

"Alright, then tell Lieutenant Provenza to swing by and pick up Zuman."

"On it," Provenza nodded to Tao, who relayed to the Chief. Captain Raydor and Agent Howard decided to leave.

"I'll meet up with y'all later," Brenda grinned into the camera. And then a mischievous grin came over her and she winked, waving three fingers, "See ya later, Cap'n Raydor!"

Sharon faltered before hesitantly waving back and continuing on her way out, only remembering halfway down the hallway in silence with Agent Howard that they could see Brenda but Brenda couldn't see them. Her face flushed in embarrassment.

"She did that just to mess with me, didn't she?" Raydor asks Howard as they step onto the elevator.

He seems surprised that she spoke about anything outside of the case, but he chuckles. "Yes, yes she did."

Sharon can't stop thinking about just how close she is to the woman that she's lusting over's husband. They're working a case. Together. Just closed a case together, actually. She wonders if Brenda is thinking the same thing, if seeing Sharon and Agent Howard together makes guilt curl up in her stomach the way it does for Sharon.

She doesn't have anything against Fritz. In fact, she thinks he's a decent FBI Agent. She likes him enough. As a husband for her friend, she despises him, but he hasn't been bad to work with.

Only that despite clinging onto her Catholic guilt, despite reminding herself of the vows they took, she can only think of the promise of feeling more of Brenda when they're finally alone. Seeing her work today, hearing her smug voice as she got what she wanted, worked the suspects in the interview room, made her feel a certain way.

Later, after they've nailed Rick Zuman, Sharon knocks on Brenda's door.

"I have Lieutenant Flynn's file. Completely clear, I thought you may want it back," Sharon smiles brightly.

Brenda nods slowly. "So… what's been going on? Why have you been so nice?"

"I could ask the same about you," Sharon deflected.

"I've been nice?" Brenda asked incredulously.

"No," Sharon admitted. "But, cooperative? I had a thought… that while Delk is moving things around, maybe we should find a way for F.I.D. and Major Crimes to better share our cases and work together professionally."

Brenda looked rather lost. "Maybe over a… working lunch?"

"Lunch?" Brenda said, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Great, I'll set it up," Sharon smiles wickedly at Brenda's panicked look as she turns."Oh-Agent Howard. Nice working with you, it was great."

Sharon continues down the hall like nothing happened, and Brenda blinks before sitting in her chair. "What just happened?"

Fritz shrugs. "I think you should consider which one of Pope's drawers you want to fill with candy."

She glares at him. "That's not funny."

"I'm just saying, you need to figure out what you want."

Green eyes, a slim, navy-blue covered waist and hands in their pockets flashes in her mind.

Brenda shakes her head. "Come on, I'm bringin' the squad out to O'Malleys."

"Well, I thought we could…"

He trails off at her tired look and just follows her to the door. "I'll see you at home," he says, kissing her hairline gently.

Brenda calls everyone's attention, including Captain Raydor's, who had stayed to talk a technicality with Tao.

"O'Malleys tonight," she says jovially, to the group of grinning faces - tonight they were riding the high of putting the person who tried to kill one of their own back behind bars for the rest of his life. "On me, y'all!"

"You too, Raydor," Flynn says when Captain Raydor tries to slip out undetected.

She hesitates. "I wouldn't want to intrude."

Brenda slipped her bright-pink coat on. "What? Intrudin'?" She said, hands in her pockets, but reaching out to link one arm with Andy Flynn's in a friendly way. "C'mon, Raydor," she teases.

This is the freest with her squad that Sharon's had the privilege of seeing her. Her hair is in a messy low ponytail. Flynn pretends to be annoyed by her antics, but he takes her arm with the respect she deserves and looks just as happy to be having the attention from the Chief.

Sanchez throws his coat on and pushes his chair in, smirking at Gabriel. "Ooh… Flynn's getting one-on-one with the Chief."

Gabriel gaped. Brenda just snorted, but Captain Raydor couldn't contain her gasp.

Brenda looked over at Sharon, who couldn't tell if Julio's teasing had been genuine or not. "Relax, Captain. Detective Sanchez here is a bit of a joker," she pretended to swipe at his hair and he ducked out of her reach as he walked by, grinning at her. "And Andy Flynn is… well, I'd say you're one of mine now, Andy."

She ruffles his hair fondly. He chuckles, but it's significantly more tired than he had been earlier, and they start making their way to the elevators so they can leave and get to O'Malleys with everyone else.

"And to think, once upon a time, Chief," he says in a tone that tells Brenda this is just going to make Sharon's head explode, "the only complimentary thing I'd ever said to you was that you have nice legs."

The elevator door dings open and Brenda gently leads a sputtering Sharon into the elevator with them.

"Lieutenant Flynn, that's an absolutely inappropriate remark to make about a fellow female officer. Or officer of any gender! Brenda," she looked to her for help.

Brenda just laughed and leaned against Andy's good arm that she was linked with. "No comment."

Sharon groaned and buried her face in her hands, but it was playful. Andy just shook his head, but he had a smile on his face too.

chapter title from on accident by nico collins