Let it be known: I did not fall from grace
I leapt
to freedom.
— Ansel Elkins, Autobiography of Eve
*If ur not into the whole sex thing stop reading at "And they did. They saw each other frequently, in places they shouldn't.," and begin again at "Sharon soothed her"
[The Night of Christmas, Howard-Johnson Residence]
"Are we still having this conversation?" Fritz asked a little incredulously. "I thought we talked about this at the office? Honey?"
Brenda scoffed. "No, I told you that I wasn't happy at the office! You staged a robbery and terrified my parents! All because you didn't want them to move up here. We didn't even have time to talk about it… what if something happens and they really need me, Fritz? I got thinking it might be better to have them close."
Fritz blinked at his wife's strange behavior, thinking about her parents and not herself, and he wonders when that started happening. He almost scowls; when Sharon came into her life, that's when she started this nonsense.
In reality Brenda had always been worried about her parents, they were also just overbearing and she tended to lean away from them. Unfortunately Fritz lacked the ability to notice this about his wife, and preferred to blame someone else.
"What, Fritz? You'll catch flies if you stand there with your mouth open like that any longer," Brenda snarked from the corner of the living room she had retreated to, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.
"Since when do you even care?" Came out before he really thought if it was appropriate. It was just as well; their fights were explosive and both of them tended to say things that you should never say to someone else.
The first thing that let him know he had really screwed up was Brenda's mouth opened, like she was going to say something, but the words fell completely short like the breath was suddenly cut from her chest. The next thing was her face was furious, incensed, hurt.
"How… could… you… ask… me… that?" she asks, through stilted breaths.
"Bren…"
"No!" Brenda snaps, making a cutting motion with her arms, retreating from him. "I don't want to talk to you right now. This conversation is over."
Brenda went to their bedroom and shut the door behind her. She considered texting Sharon, or calling her, but instead she just sat on the bed.
Joel, having been hiding out in the bedroom, jumps up onto the bed and tucks himself into her legs. She strokes his fur comfortingly.
She just can't believe Fritz would do that. Her parents were scared out of their minds! He didn't have to terrorize them, and on Christmas of all days. They could have spoken to her parents more about them moving… ugh.
Brenda pushed herself off the bed, startling Joel. She cooed at him in apology before turning to the closet. She grabbed an overnight bag and started stuffing her work clothes into it, grabbed her smaller, convenient ready-to-go bag with necessities and shoved that in there too. After saying goodbye to Joel, she put her shoes on and grabbed a coat at random and walked out of the bedroom.
Fritz heard the door open and rushed to come talk to her, but faltered at the sight of her all ready to go. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to sleep somewhere else," she replied without looking at him. "Don't follow me, Fritz. We need space right now."
She never got used to staying overnight at a place of work; it was perpetually too bright, hurting her eyes and making it hard to sleep, even in the dark of her own office. Her doctor had said she had migraines that were triggered by stressors like light sensitivity and her high-intensity job, so where is she but her stressful high-intensity job with bright lights that strain her eyes. When she closed them, the bright fluorescent of the hall lights flashed in her mind like headlights.
Brenda was brushing her teeth in the bathroom when her phone buzzed in her purse. She paused only to check who it was.
You have (1) New Message
Sharon - I.A
S: A little birdie told me you're sleeping in the office?
Brenda groaned. Who had ratted on her? She's only been here a night and almost a day; she's even successfully evaded Pope's detection so far. She walked out with him to his car before he left, and then sat in her car for a bit until she felt it was safe to return to the building.
She didn't reply until she was back in her office and done getting ready for 'bed', which was her office chair. It wasn't that uncomfortable.
B: Which birdie would that happen to be?
B: You're supposed to be in Park City by now, aren't you? Everything is fine over in Los Angeles, Cap'n.
Sharon's bullshit detector rang loudly when those messages came in. The 'birdie' was Buzz, who was in the office working on… whatever it was that he did, Sharon honestly didn't know.
He had somehow gotten her personal line - probably from Andy Flynn - and called her, apologizing every other sentence, with a lot of ma'am's, to tell her that, uh, Chief Johnson is… sleeping in her office, ma'am, and I tried to go see what was going on, but she said she was just catching up on paperwork? Which she was! But like, sleeping in the office?
Sharon had hummed and agreed it was unusual, while mentally wondering what exactly had occurred at home either the day after Christmas or later that night. Her heart ached for Brenda; how much does she have to deal with before she gets a real break?
And she basically just dismissed me after that, so I left her alone, he had said. I've been bringing her water and food, though, Buzz added.
Sharon thanked him for his kindness and care and he was quiet for a moment before responding.
The Chief isn't great at showing it, but she cares a lot about us. So we try to show it back in the ways we can. I hope it's enough, Captain.
Sharon was a little shocked by his honesty but she suspected he needed to get it off his chest, so she simply agreed with him and assured that she thought it was - that Brenda cared about her squad so much.
Thank you, Captain Raydor. That means a lot, he replied quietly. As a matter of fact, his voice sounded quite hushed the entire call.
Sharon said you're welcome. And then she said, Buzz, may I ask… where are you making this call from?
He didn't reply at first, and then he whispered dramatically, my car, but I'm still a little worried she'll somehow hear me. She's got the ears of a hawk.
Sharon couldn't help it, she laughed, covering it up with a cough. Brenda's boys were simply a riot. They exchanged their goodbyes before hanging up shortly after.
S: I have time to talk to you and be present with my family, too.
S: Don't dodge the question.
Brenda bit her lip.
B: I'm catching up on some paperwork and I end up stayin' a little late. So?
S: Staying a little late is different from overnight, Brenda Leigh.
B: Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about me, Sharon read between the lines.
But Sharon worried. She worried about a lot of things the day after Christmas, with her parents and kids — like how Brenda was feeling, and if she secretly missed her touch as much as Sharon herself missed the other woman's.
S: Brenda…
B: Leave it, Sharon.
S: If you need somewhere to stay, my condo—
B: I said leave it!
Sharon blinked at Brenda's sudden vehemence. The way she bares her teeth when she gets too close. She decides to leave the other woman alone and not push.
They don't talk after that.
Brenda recommended Fritz stay home while she flies home to spend New Years and some vacation time with her family.
"I need some space," she told him on December 31st, having returned home to pack her bags as deeply as she could. Georgia could be unforgiving in the winter.
"So you want me to work as punishment while you go on vacation?" Fritz asked incredulously.
"Feel free to take the time off, Fritz. But I don't… I just don't wanna be around you right now," Brenda replied, zipping up her luggage.
Fritz doesn't reply for a long moment. "Okay. I understand. I'm sorry, Brenda."
"I-I know, Fritz," Brenda's voice cracks when her eyes fill with tears, "but sorry can't fix everything."
Fritz seemed to realize he had really fucked up, but wasn't sure how to put it back together. Brenda finished packing, drove herself to the airport, and texted Sharon from the lobby.
B: Going home for a couple weeks.
[image_0]*
*Brenda's ticket.
Sharon replied quickly, almost certainly just home from Park City and tired, but still making time for her. It made her tiny heart swell three times its size, and then a hundred times its size again.
She pressed her palm against her chest to make sure it wasn't trying to break out and steady herself. It was bizarre how even a text message was evoking such a strong response in her. Her phone lit up with more messages.
S: Just one ticket, Brenda?
Brenda smirked. Nosy.
B: Fishing for information? So unlike you…
B: Yes, one ticket.
S: So I take it that things between you and Agent Howard haven't…
B: No, I'm afraid we have not been able to reconcile.
It was a little surreal, the way they were able to talk about the issue without talking about the issue; neither of them wanted to talk about Fritz, but Sharon wanted to be supportive, and Brenda wanted to tell Sharon about going home to Georgia, which inevitably came with the subject no one wanted to broach for any reason… it was such a cycle that they had practically perfected their skill.
S: I'm sorry to hear that, Brenda, genuinely. Let's go out when you're back, my treat.
Brenda's face flushed. She knew that with her wanting nothing to do with Fritz at the moment she, Lord forgive her, wouldn't be able to help herself at dinner with Sharon right now.
B: That's not necessary, Sharon… though the offer is appreciated ;)
Brenda looks down in horror at the slip she made, accidentally sending a semicolon instead of a colon, her heart racing.
Conversely, Sharon was staring at her screen in surprise at Brenda's boldness, but for the very first time wondered if she can't reconcile with her husband because of th…
There is no them. She needs to stop thinking like that. Sharon is saved from having to think about this any longer when another text comes through.
B: :)
B: Typo.
"Thank God," Sharon breathed, but somewhere in her, she knew she was somewhat disappointed.
Brenda looks down at her phone anxiously, nearly shaking, hoping her texts have assured. The plane is about to take off.
B: Gotta go, the plane is taking off.
She turned her phone onto airplane mode directly after that, settling in for her flight.
You have (3) New Messages
S: Have a safe flight, Brenda Leigh.
S: Call when you land? Or when you're all set up?
S: Doesn't matter what time it is.
Brenda didn't get her texts until she landed at her connecting flight in Dallas to Atlanta, smiling from ear to ear as they came in. The butterflies that once resided in her stomach had spread throughout her whole body, to her head and fingertips and toes. She thought she might explode.
You're cheating on your husband, her brain reminds her, grinding her thoughts to a halt. What do you really want from Fritz?
And she thinks about it the whole time she stays with her parents. Her Mama can tell something big is on her mind, but Brenda focuses on her parents and won't discuss it. Every time she tries, she redirects them.
Plus, they'd be so disapproving. And her Daddy certainly doesn't need this right now. They're already tense enough.
What does she want from Fritz? That is the question of the day.
And when she's getting ready to go home, she decides that, regardless of her Mama and Daddy's approval, what she wants…
… is a divorce.
It wasn't a surprise that the more she thought of it she wanted a divorce. Really it surprised her more that it took her this long to get here. Even still, she hesitates.
Her phone buzzes.
You have (1) New Message
Sharon - I.A
S: When are you free? I promised you drinks, remember?
Brenda cringed reading it. But since Christmas she's been avoiding Sharon. Especially since she read her card. (Admittedly she has her card sitting in her candy drawer, underneath all the candy, to re-read during slow moments.) But this was quickly becoming something that she wasn't sure they could name.
Brenda… for all his (and her) faults, she did love Fritz. She thinks she does, anyway; she isn't sure she knows what love is anymore, except that she feels something close to it when she looks at Sharon Raydor.
And that scares her. She stares down at her phone, completely unable to conceptualize a reply to this woman because she was terrified of the feelings this simple question evoked.
Brenda eventually replied, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon enough, we can make a plan then.
And they did. They saw each other frequently, in places they shouldn't. When they should have been planning they ended up making out. Brenda felt alive on Sharon's lap, and she knew that the other woman was smug; Brenda could get off on that smugness, the way she commands authority. God, it made her melt.
"I can't believe we're doing this," Brenda gasped as Sharon bit down on her collarbone and soothed it with her lips and tongue, holding her thigh and waist possessively. Brenda got wet just from the feeling of Sharon's short, manicured nails digging into her leg firmly.
"Shh," Sharon said, crashing their lips back together.
Brenda tangled her fingers in thick brunette locks. She felt drunk. She felt giddy. She pressed closer, on Sharon's lap in her patrol car but wanting to be as close as possible. She wants to feel every part of Sharon on her.
"Sharon," she whined, feeling her fingers trace her wet panties. "Sharon."
Sharon just leans back, smug. Brenda is leaning back, her fingers wound into Sharon's hair, grinding onto the faint pressure that her fingertips provide. Lighting her up with every touch.
Sharon's hand leaves underneath her skirt to pop open the buttons on her blouse and ravish her breasts. "Oh!" Brenda braces herself with one hand on the seat and one hand on Sharon's shoulder. "Oh," she ground down on her lap as Sharon's eager lips pressed open mouthed kisses to them, as her tongue caressed her skin, as her fingers fanned out and massaged them.
When she pursed her lips around Brenda's already taut nipple, Brenda's hand clawed down the seat and her hips ground onto a waiting thigh. "Ooh, Sharon—"
Sharon tangled the hand not crawling down Brenda's half-open blouse into her sprawled golden curls and pulled their lips together; messy, wet, tongues curling and stroking. Brenda moaned into Sharon's mouth while her hand found its way under her skirt again, finally, finally going under her underwear.
She could've sobbed in relief, melting against the other woman's lips, against her touches. Her stockings — that she'd worn specifically for Sharon — are rubbing against the other woman's thighs and that combined with the anticipation of waiting for her to touch her creates a friction both inside and out that was slowly driving her wild.
"God, Brenda," Sharon murmured, starting with one and then after thrusting for several moments, adding another and clutching the other woman more tightly when her hot walls clench around her as she fucks her.
"How do you do this to me?" Sharon whispers, marveling at the other woman's ability to completely undo her.
Brenda kissed her and whispered back, against her lips, "I've been wonderin' the same thing about you."
The whimpers and whines and tense muscles are such an intense turn on for her. Sharon surged up to pull Brenda into a heady kiss, slowing her thrusts in time with her tongue, and the other woman came apart in her arms, melting into her and breathing heavily, but not panting.
Brenda murmured, "just wait, Raydor," and adjusted herself, sticking her thigh between Sharon's legs firmly. Sharon smirked. "Why don't you unzip them, Brenda Leigh," she said in that voice, and then suddenly she understood.
Hungrily, she stared, until Sharon laughed a little and leaned up to kiss her again, her hands reaching for her pants herself, but Brenda snapped out of it, finally. She practically growled as she pushed Sharon's hands out of the way, pulling out the strap-on she had worn. Brenda bit her lip just seeing it.
"So, Captain Raydor," she purred, leaning down with her hands on the other woman's shoulders, relishing that she has her on her back in this small space. "Thinkin' about gettin' lucky, huh?"
Sharon blushed bright red, but Brenda didn't wait any longer, she started lowering herself onto it, knowing she was more than wet enough. Sex with Sharon excited her beyond what she even thought was possible to produce.
Sharon's eyes were wide, her cheeks were flushed slightly, and it spread to her chest, which was breathing hard. Her hair was mussed, and her hands fluttered along Brenda's body, helping her get settled, but was speechless when the other woman rocked back and moaned, running her hands through her hair.
Brenda rode her until Sharon was the one whimpering and they could both hear how slick the toy was sliding in and out of her. Sharon was trying so hard not to come but watching Brenda on top of her, chasing her pleasure, in a patrol car was sending her to the edge faster than she had any say in.
Truth be told she hadn't worn it expecting anything to happen. She isn't sure why she wore it. It was supposed to be there, unseen and hidden, while she pined over the other woman and resigned to seeing her at another date… when she could actually use it. But it seems she had a lucky break, because Brenda ended up in her lap.
Brenda began grinding down, biting her lip. "Oh…"
Sharon sat up suddenly and began kissing Brenda's chest, and brought one hand to her clit. She was over the edge in seconds, moaning into her ear and hiding them in her neck, shivering and riding it out jerkily. Sharon came quietly from the sight and the noises, hearing the strap slide in and out of Brenda, hearing Brenda gasp as she rocked back and forth.
Sharon soothed her while she came down, and surprisingly Brenda didn't want to move for a while. At least the condensation provided some cover for them. They could plan in a bit.
chapter title from allies or enemies by the crane wives
FIC PLAYLIST
Losing My Religion - 10 Years
Curses - The Crane Wives
Hate Me - Nico Collins
Our Way Out - Nico Collins
Don't Let Me Be Lonely - The Band Perry
Tell Her You Love Her - Echosmith
Rootless - Marina and the Diamonds
Some Kind of Disaster - All Time Low
Tear Myself Apart - Tate McRae
Wasted - Cartel
Those Nights - Bastille
I Still Wait For You - XYLO
Time - Lauren Sanderson
I Lost Her - Brighten
Your Name Hurts - Hailee Steinfield
Better To Lie - benny blanco, Jesse & Swae Lee
Apple Pie - Lizzy McAlpine
It Is What It Is - Mayday Parade
Darlin' - Between the Trees
Fantasy - khai dreams
Burning House - Nico Collins
Borderline - Nico Collins
Mama's Broken Heart - Miranda Lambert
Tell Me I'm A Wreck - Every Avenue
Metaphor - The Crane Wives
Always - Ashe
Bright - Echosmith
idfc - blackbear
Allies or Enemies - The Crane Wives
So What - P!nk
My Mistake - Nico Collins
Stay Gold - First Aid Kit
Pop a Pill - gianni & kyle
Distant - Tate McRae & Sean Lew
Bitter Water - The Oh Hellos
Head in Her Heart - Nico Collins
On Accident - Nico Collins
home with you - FKA twigs
head first - Christian French
Someone New - Christian French
Testify - Citizen Four
You Get What You Get - Amber Pacific
I Just Wanna Run - The Downtown Fiction
It Will Come Back - Hozier
Kings & Queens - Ava Max
Not How It's Supposed To Go - Ashe
Cardiac Arrest - Bad Suns
Incapable - Nico Collins
Never Love an Anchor - The Crane Wives
I'm with You - Mayday Parade
Animal - Neon Trees
WRONG - The Kid LAROI (ft. Lil Mosey)
Moral of the Story - Ashe
Die Happy - DREAMERS
Bad Decisions - Bastille
Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer
Loving You Gets Hard - Alexander 23
Happy? - Nico Collins
Hell and You - Amigo the Devil
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
You're So Vain - Carly Simon
She's So Gone - Lemonade Mouth
Moral of the Story - Ashe