A/N: Quick money thing- in my mind 100Jewels = 1USD/1EUR. So 100,000 Jewels = 10,000 USD/EUR.
Summary: Adventures in Babysitting- Or, the one where Laxus and Mira need to take care of guild things and leave their baby with a newly pregnant Lucy and Bickslow. Oh, and this baby is attracted to the electricity sockets.
At four months pregnant and fresh off her second honeymoon, first for everyone that was invited to their big wedding two and a half weeks ago, Lucy sat at the bar in the guild sipping one of Mira's Strawberry Smoothies and dreaming of what her child would look like. Mira herself had given birth over a year ago and her son was deep into toddlerhood. Skylar and his best babyfriend, Mica Redfox, were only a couple months apart and it helped tremendously with childcare.
"Hey Lucy! How's pregnancy treating you?" Mira greeted as she sidled up to Lucy. It was still early so she had time to chit chat with her friends. The two were gossiping about all things pregnancy when Laxus came down with a thunderous expression on his face.
"Bad news, babe, Levy and Gajeel got delayed coming back from Crocus with their brats so we don't have a sitter tonight." The look of resignation on Mira's face made Lucy's heart ache for her dear friend. Lucy had read that parenting meant trying to squeeze any free time available into reconnecting as a couple. It was one of the things she worried about with her desire for four children and how that would affect her relationship with Bickslow.
"We'll babysit for you two." The words were out of Lucy's mouth before she even knew she was saying them.
"We'll what?" Bickslow had apparently joined the group just as Lucy was volunteering one of their last free nights before baby to watch someone else's brat. Seeing the look on Mira's face had Bickslow realizing he may have said that out loud.
"What is with the two of you calling children brats? Is this some Makarov-ism that I need to beat out of both of you?" The aura leaking out of Mirajane had Laxus and Bickslow promptly promising to never refer to other people's children as brats again, at least in front of her.
And so Lucy and Bickslow, after a short deliberation, found themselves situated at the Dreyar household watching Skylar and trying to figure out if he was going to eat his dinner or decorate the kitchen a la Jackson Pollock style with it. Lucy secretly thought this child was less Dragon and more Demon but she wanted to live to see her child grow up so she wasn't going to bring that up to Mira or Laxus. Both thought their baby could do no wrong. Except he was-
"EATING ELECTRICITY FROM THE ELECTRICITY SOCKET?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Lucy's yelling caused Skylar to start to cry and Bickslow's headache shot up from a 4 to an 11.
"Yup, babe, he's a Dragon Slayer. He was hungry for his element, not Mira's chicken dinner!" Try as he might, Bickslow was not able to calm his wife down, who had spiraled into thinking she was the worst babysitter ever for not seeing him stick his tongue into the electric sockets around the living room. Tears were had by all, not that any of them would cop to the mass crying fest, and soon Baby Einstein was playing on the Lacrimavision as it was the only thing that calmed Skylar.
"We are so going to Mira-jail when she finds out we put on cartoons before bed," Lucy worried to Bickslow as they sat cuddled up around Skylar. The large over sized Dragon Slayer sized couch was so comfortable, that the threesome fell asleep at 7:30pm, completely missing changing Skylar's diaper and putting him to bed.
"Shit, babe, wake up!" Lucy was jolted awake by a frantic Bickslow at a quarter to 10 and realized they had missed steps 7-11 on Mira's idiot proof babysitting checklist. Even Asuka had done a better job then they were doing!
"Oh my Mavis, Oh My Mavis, OH MY-"
"Lucy, quit freaking out! We are not going to be bad parents, let's just deal with the disaster diaper we now have and get the brat into his crib." Bickslow attempted to be level headed while Lucy alternated between panicking and scolding him for calling Mira's child a brat. The diaper really was a disaster. And because they missed one diaper change, they had to start a load of laundry. Luckily the mess didn't leak through Skylar's onesie and onto the nice, expensive couch. Small favors, Mavis must be with us, Lucy thought to herself.
At 10:15, Laxus and Mira still weren't back and Skylar was wide awake now, refreshed from his nap on the couch with his honorary Aunt and Uncle. Nothing Lucy did made him sleepy. Not his storm themed mobile, not the three books about mice and dragons and bedtime, and definitely not Uncle Bickslow acting like a fool and making Skylar laugh. Lucy and Bickslow attempted the walk away method but that only resulted in Skylar screaming like he was being murdered, which just made Lucy cry even harder.
By 10:55, Skylar had cried himself to sleep. And Mira and Laxus still weren't home. Feeling like complete failures, Lucy and Bickslow started to clean up with the living room. Toys were put away, the channel on the lacrimavison was changed to the Home Improvement Network (HIN), and the two took a break to exhale. When Bickslow went to get Lucy a glass of water, panic attack number 9 ensured.
"Lucy! We forgot about the mess Skylar made during dinner!" A frantic Lucy ran around the main floor of the house trying to find a mop, bucket and rag to scrub marinara sauce off the tiles, grout and painted walls. Bickslow moved two of his babies into the mop and rag when Lucy started crying as she cleaned.
"Why is this so hard? Are we just really bad parents and we shouldn't even have this baby?" Lucy spiraled as she questioned her preparedness for parenthood and if she should even be allowed to have a baby. Bickslow held her as she cried and raided Mira's ice cream supply for the Strawberries and Cream flavor he knew Mira and Lucy both loved. Kitchen clean and sparkling by 11:20, Lucy slowly drifted off to sleep with Bickslow cuddling her, empty ice cream container on the coffee table and a random HIN show about growing herbs in your kitchen window with the volume on low in the background.
Outside, Mira felt terrible. She and Laxus had come home while Bickslow and Lucy were asleep on the couch with Skylar. At first, she had wanted to wake them all up and send Lucy and Bickslow home. But her idiot husband thought it funny to have them continue their date night and see how Lucy and Bickslow actually handled a kid when you went off their schedule. Mira hadn't thought anything wrong with that as the more practice they got, the better prepared they would be, she just hoped the two would clean her fucking kitchen. Her 700,000 Jewel kitchen!
With each of Lucy's subsequent break downs, Mira felt worse and worse, while Laxus found perverse enjoyment out of his teammate's and his teammate's wife's pain. Laxus, a self proclaimed ass with little understanding of human feelings unless specifically told to stop being mean, hadn't comprehended why this prank could potentially be so devastating to and emotionally compromised pregnant woman and a man who thought he would never get the chance to be a father because his magic freaked people out. Mira, sainted demon, carefully explained this to her husband around Lucy's third breakdown. But the two remained outside.
At 11:50, Mira hadn't heard more than the TV for close to thirty minutes and she wanted to sleep in her own bed. Finding their friends cuddled up on their oversized couch left hearts in her eyes, until she saw they ate all of her favorite ice cream!
"Don't worry, babe, I'll buy you more tomorrow. Let's let them sleep," Laxus whispered as he covered the sleeping mages with a blanket and turned off the lacrimavision. Mira swooned a bit and dragged her husband to bed.
The next morning, Lucy and Bickslow woke up to the smell of pancakes and sticky fingers touching their face. Imaging the sticky fingers to be their future child had them both smiling. The chaos and negativity of the night before washed away by the sound of Skylar's baby giggles and the feel of his chubby fingers. Giving their full babysitting report to the Demon and her Dragon was terrifying but Lucy felt it best to be honest with them as they would expect the same courtesy if the roles were reversed. Mira smiled and nodded throughout it all and Lucy and Bickslow thought nothing of it.
"Yeah, our kid is a bit of a mess. That's why we normally have Levy and Gajeel babysit. Levy uses letter magic to put the little dragons into baby jail when they get to be too much," Laxus's blasé words left Lucy feeling stupid. She knew this enchant and felt so dumb for not using it last night when Skylar was trying to drain all the electricity from the house.
"Oh, Lucy, don't worry about it!" Mira stated seeing the look of embarrassment on Lucy's face. "This was your first night with a toddler. You did great! And by the time your baby comes, you'll be an expert in toddlers but clueless about babies!" That did not leave a good feeling in either Bickslow or Lucy's stomachs. It must have shown because all that could be head surrounding the Dreyar household was Laxus's booming laughter.