Molly couldn't remember the last time she'd had a full night's sleep. She was exhausted and run down, the bags under her eyes becoming more prominent each day. He felt guilty when he hobbled into the kitchen to see her asleep at the table. It ate away at him what a burden he must be to her. Especially with his parents away and his leg now placed protectively inside a brace which meant his movement was even more limited.
"Molly love, Why don't we go up to bed, you need an early night" if she went to sleep now, he thought then she would have at least 5 hours until his nightmares would wake her.
"Sorry Charles. I felt sick, I only sat down for a minute" He shushed her "Don't apologise please, it's my fault you're tired. Go get some rest please. I'll join you in a little while."
"Let me get you up the stairs first, that bloody brace is a hazard" he'd had no intention of sleeping in their bed tonight, he was going to take the sofa where hopefully she wouldn't be able to hear him but he knew she'd never settle with the thought of him tackling the stairs solo.
He watched her settled into bed "I'm sorry Molly. I really am."
She placed her finger on his lips to shush him "I don't want to hear that okay, none of this is your fault."
He kissed her hard "I'm going to read in the library for a while, let you fall into a deep sleep."
"Don't be long. You need to take that brace off and rest… "
He cut her off "Stop worrying, Sleep" He blew her a kiss from the doorway "I love you" she called after him.
"I love you more."
He made himself as comfortable as he could all things considered. This brace really was a pain in the arse. He unstrapped it and rubbed the raging red scars that were throbbing like they usually did by the end of the day. God knows what they'd be like when he was walking again. He was glad to see that the blankets Beth left him in the early days of his recovery were still hanging around; He'd sleep here tonight so she could rest.
She turned to face him, stretching out her hand to pull herself closer to him only to find his side cold.
3:05am the bright red numbers on the clock told her. Panic set in. What if he'd fallen and hurt himself? She ran down the corridor to the library to the sound of him weeping, he was dreaming and it was a bad one. She found him hunched up on the floor, his good leg pulled into his chest for protection as he covered his ears to protect from the sound of gun fire and enemies.
She got down on the floor, her arms and legs wrapped around him, rocking him "I'm here baby. I'm here you're safe" she held him as he fought against her, this time she wasn't bringing him back "Charles it's me. It's Molly and I'm here. Your safe" his breathing was so erratic she was scared he'd pass out, she took his face in her hands "Charles look at me" she forced him to look her in the eyes, "where are you?"
"I'm in a cell"
"NO Charles you're not. You're at home and you're safe. Keep looking at me. Listen to my voice" she sobbed as she watched the man, she loved terrified for his life, terrified of the demons inside his head.
"Molly" he cried; he was finally back with her.
"I'm here Charles. I'm here. You're safe" she kneeled in front of him, hugging him like never before. She wanted to climb into his skin, to be as close as possible to him. His hands searched her, making sure she was really there.
"Oh god Molly. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this" his words caught her in the throat, a lump forming.
"Don't you dare say things like that to me. Don't talk like that, what would I do without you?" they held each other. Both weeping, both frightened.
"Let's get you up. Have you hurt that leg?" His body was a dead weight; He was too weak to even get himself onto his good leg.
"I'm numb. I don't know" she wrapped the blankets around him "we'll stay here until you're ready" she curled herself around him, anger boiling inside her for those who did this to him. "I don't know what the procedure is but you have to resign. No questions, no arguments I want you to resign. Maybe once it's finally official that you'll never be sent to war again, then maybe your nut will settle, and mine will too."
He nodded "Okay,"
She made another attempt to get him to his feet, this time more successful. It was getting light outside now and in just a few hours they'd be welcoming Elvis and Georgie for a long weekend. He'd been so looking forward to it she'd hoped that it would help put his trauma out of his mind. Obviously, she was wrong. Shakily he made his way to bed, her protective hand never moving from its usual place on the small of his back.
"We need more help baby" she whispered as she wrapped herself around him, their bodies becoming one.
"I know, I'm sorry."
She wiped a stray tear from his cheek "Sleep. And always know that I'm here and I'll protect you."
-OG-
Every single month since she was 12, bang on time. She'd never been late in her life, yet here she was staring at the calendar on her phone, confirming her suspicions. 4 days late.
She sat back as Elvis and Charles drank beer on the back porch, the afternoon sunshine illuminating his handsome features. He finally looked relaxed as he put the world to rights.
"No offence Molly but you look like shit" Molly nodded in agreement.
"I feel like it too" Georgie felt for her. They'd been through so much and she'd stuck firmly by his side. Elvis had been worried that the pressure would make her bolt again but she'd proved herself. Her love for him was undeniable.
"I tell you what, why don't we leave these 2 to it, let's go shopping and for a nice dinner. You need the break."
Tears came hard, all these weeks had built up inside her, all the worry and the sleepless nights and the therapy sessions, she was watching the man she loves all but break down in front of her "I just want him to be okay Georgie" she could barely speak through her sobs, Georgie pulled her into her arms.
"I know you do. And he will be, he's got you hasn't he. How could he not get through it?"
She sobbed until no more tears came "I'm sorry Georgie. This ain't what you came all this way for" Georgie was overcome with guilt.
"We should have been around more Molly, I'm sorry. I wish you'd come back to Stockport, the pair of you should. He finds comfort in Elvis and Elvis finds comfort in him. He's fucked up too. He'll never forget pulling Charlie out of that place. He was like a man possessed when they were looking for him, he didn't rest until they found him" it had taken until now for the magnitude of what happened to Charles to really hit her. How deeply it had affected him and those around him. They were so much more than a team, they were family.
He stood at the doorway, not quite sure if he'd really heard crying or as usual his mind was playing tricks on him. "Molly what's wrong?" he rushed to her side, as fast as his body would allow. Georgie exited her seat so he could be close to her "Tell me please."
She shook her head "It's nothing, I'm just tired that's all."
He stared at her; his face etched with concern "Don't lie to me please. I'm your boyfriend I know something isn't right."
She sighed "I just want you to be okay Charles. It breaks my heart all this it really does."
His hands clasped her face "I'm going to get better Molly. I promise, for you and for Sam" she felt ashamed as he looked back at her. He'd been through so much and she was the one crying. She wanted to tell him her suspicions, tell him she was late and scared but it wasn't the right time. She was frightened to bring a baby into the chaos of their life.
-OG-
"It's not like you to turn down a drink Molly" Georgie was baffled, it was her first evening out in god knows how long and she didn't even want a drink.
"If I had a drink now, I'd either be asleep in seconds or it would go straight to my bleedin' head, I'm just happy to be out and a bit dressed up."
He was happy and relaxed when they left and she knew that Elvis was more than capable to deal with anything that could possibly happen "Stop worrying, you'll give yourself wrinkles" Georgie ordered.
"I know he's fine I just can't switch off."
"That's why you need a drink, go on one glass of champers won't kill you" she sipped slowly as the bar around them began to fill.
Neither of them had ever been short of male attention when they went out, both being genetically blessed in the looks department. A pair of familiar hands wrapped themselves around her waist, she didn't need to turn to recognise them, his masculine smell sent tingles down her spine. She turned to face him "Hello handsome, wasn't expecting you" he pulled her in for a kiss.
"You know what Elvis is like, he can't keep away from her."
She giggled, "charming, nice to know you missed me then" his smile was warm and cheeky.
"I missed you every second you was gone" he leaned forward planting warm kisses into her neck "Did I tell you how beautiful you are?"
She let out a childish giggle "You might have mentioned it" she panted, heat rising between her legs "I want you, now" he flicked his head towards the disabled toilet "You are a bad man Charles James, a bad horny man."
He nibbled on her bottom lip "There needs to be some perks to being temporarily disabled Dawes."
"Let's just go home, where we're less likely to catch something."
Georgie eyed them curiously "You can't go yet, we're your guests remember, it's only 10 o bloody clock. You'll have to wait til you get home you horny sod, I'm watching you" she pointed an accusing finger at him.
"Caught out Lane" he held his hand up. If he was honest with himself, he needed the contact with her to drown out what was going on in his head. He hadn't wanted to join them, he was happy to let Molly enjoy herself for once but Elvis had been adamant, his jealous streak getting the better of him. He enjoyed watching a carefree Molly sway in time to the music and he couldn't wait for the day that their life would become more normal, when he would become more normal.
His mood darkened as the bar became louder and more crowded. Anger rose inside of him as the crowd pushed Molly further from him as he perched on a bar stool drinking with Elvis. "They can handle themselves mate, your gonna bust your neck if you keep on like that" Charles wasn't comfortable with this anymore; his body was aching.
She could see the strain in his body, It was time to go. She pushed past the prat that was attempting to chat her up "You going somewhere?" he held onto her hand "Yep, home with my fella I told you about" he eyed Charles from head to toe.
"What him? The cripple? He's punching."
She spun on her heel "What and you ain't? Look just piss off, I ain't interested so just do one" she fought her way to him. "You ok?" he nodded as she pulled him to his feet, his chest tight with anxiety "Come on you, it's time to go."
He stroked her forehead as she slept, unable to settle because of the guilt. Guilt for reducing the woman he loved to a sleep deprived emotional wreck, guilt for cutting her night short. Maybe he should have accepted the Majors request of further inpatient treatment at Headley; they certainly weren't winning the fight here. He swung his good leg off the bed, pain shot through him, the permanent reminder that nothing was okay. Slowly he dropped down the bad one, he needed to start doing more, to stop relying on her for everything. Warm kisses to the back of his neck startled him. Her arms warm as she wrapped them around his shoulders placing her head gently on his back "You okay baby?"
He nodded "Can't sleep. Was going to make some hot chocolate."
Her hand moved up the back of his t-shirt tracing little circles across his shoulder blades "Get back into bed. I'll get it"
She made a move for her dressing gown, unaware of the frustration building inside him "Just let me do it Molly. I've got crutches so I can move about so just let me."
She sighed "I don't really want you on the stairs at night. You're tired, we don't need any clumsy accidents putting you back in hospital."
He rolled his eyes "For fuck's sake."
She moved round the bed to him, nudging herself between his legs "What's all this Charles? What's going on?"
He sighed frustrated "Do you know what this feels like Molly? To be virtually invalided by those animals in both mind and body, to have my girlfriend who's half my size trying to manage my 6ft2 broken body because I can't manage it myself. To be frightened to sleep in case I dream but so tired I could sleep for a week. To know that I'm reducing you to a stressed-out emotional wreck when you should feel young and carefree. I can't live like this" he hid his face in her chest, the shaking of his body the only give away to the tears that she knew were falling.
"I do know all this Charles because I'm right here living this with you, I'm by your side have you forgotten that? You haven't reduced me to anything. I get tired just like everyone else. I cry just like everyone else it doesn't make me weak or mean that you've done me in. It's just life. We're out of our depth here Charles. I don't know how else to fix this, we need more help."
He nodded "I've got to go back to Headley, haven't I?"
His sad expression reduced her to tears "You ain't got to do anything you don't want too. But I think it would help, we need you better baby. I need you better."
He wrapped his arms right around her, pulling her as close as he could, taking her in "You'll come as much as you can?"
She nodded "I promise, as much as I can. And if I'm not working, I'll be there every day. We're in this together okay. Always"
-OG-
Charles couldn't settle, his first night back at Headley, his first night back being alone with his demons. His ran his fingers across her pretty face in the framed photo of the two of them Beth had given him so he always had her close. Her smile lit up the whole picture, her green eyes smiling back at him. He knew there was something more on her mind but she wouldn't budge, afraid of worrying him no doubt.
Charles: I miss you with all my heart x
She'd replied instantly, he was on her mind too.
Molly: I miss you too, this bedroom is bloody taters without you! But this is the first step in getting you better :-) x g night x
She wrapped the quilt right around herself in the hopes the bed would feel less lonely. It would be 3 days before she'd get to see him. She'd felt awkward at the thought of being in his home without him but Beth had really made sure she felt welcome. She booked herself a doctor's appointment now that he wasn't around to get suspicious. She'd never been a week late in her life and as much as she wanted everything with him, now was most definitely not the time to bring a baby into the equation.
Her hands shook as she passed the doctor her sample, those few minutes of agony felt like an eternity. "Miss Dawes you are not pregnant. Are you under any stress? Stress is usually a big factor in the delay on the menstrual cycle."
She held her breath, hesitating before unloading. Every last detail of the last few months, everything he'd been through and their time together since.
"You really are stressed" the shocked expression of the doctor staring back at her made her uneasy "May I suggest some counselling? It can be equally as difficult for loved ones of trauma victims to adjust. You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself as well you do know that don't you?"
She nodded, grabbing for her bag, she had what she needed and it was time to go "Thanks Doctor"
Although she had got the best possible outcome it didn't stop the tears from flowing, the bitter disappointment that there wasn't a life growing within her and that their lives we so far from perfect that it wasn't even an option.
-OG-
The noise and chaos of a 2-Section visit was just what he needed to take his mind off the long night of nightmares. He'd felt comfortable at last as he shared his fears with the counsellor. Offloading details, he'd previously spared his loved ones ever having to imagine. Things so terrible he couldn't even bring himself to recall them until now, surely that was progress.
"Eh listen boss; You need to have a word with Smurfoid? He's trying to do a bunk on us and piss off back to Newport."
Charles has wondered how long it would take for one of them to mention Smurf, he'd signed the paperwork for his transfer and quite frankly was glad he'd never have to look at his smug little face again "I think it's a bit later for that Fingers, paperwork's all gone through."
Molly could hear them from the entrance hall, doubling back on herself to grab a tea and give them their fair time. He got her attention by pulling at a stray curl that fell down her back "If it isn't the beautiful Molly Dawes. I was hoping I'd bump into you."
She rolled her eyes "The feeling ain't mutual. What you doing here?" She spun round to face him; he had such a punchable face "What do you want Smurf?"
"The lads invited me down for a visit with the man himself, could never refuse them, could I? Or pass off on an opportunity to look at your pretty face" Her skin crawled as she walked away from him, this was one for Charles to deal with.
"Did you tell the captain how much we enjoyed ourselves that night?"
She stopped dead in her tracks "Nothing even happened twat face so why don't you take your over imaginative pea brain and piss of back to whatever Welsh bog you crawled from. Your days of causing us trouble are over."
He pulled her arm as she walked away.
"Take your hands off me Smurf" he gave a wicked grin.
"If nothing happened, then tell me - how could I possibly know about that minute little tattoo that sits lovely just on your inner thigh?" His words chilled her to the bone as he walked ahead of her to Charles' room. Surely, she couldn't have been so pissed that she didn't remember a thing? She'd never forget shagging a twat like him, and he was probably shit.