- Jesus Christ!
Doug exclaimed, looking wide-eyed at a spot just ahead of Ed, who was lying on the ground.
- Katjaa, keep Duck away!
Kenny shouted, rushing to Ed's side and helping him up, also focusing his eyes on the man in front of him.
Lee had his axe through the head of a man, not a zombie or a runner, but someone who was alive until a few moments ago.
Someone who was starving, and who in desperation for food, tried to shoot Ed.
- Don't look, honey.
Diana said, putting her hands over Clementine's eyes. But it didn't make that much difference anymore, she had seen everything.
The moment they saw that man, with dirty clothes, dried blood staining his skin, dirty and brittle hair, pale skin, sickly yellow eyes, jump over the unfinished part of the wall they were building and beg for food.
The moment the man was angry that they hadn't decided to share what little food they had, the moment he pushed her father to the ground, grabbed a pistol and pointed it at him.
And the moment when Lee raised the axe and drove it into his head.
The man's wide-eyed eyes were fixed on her head.
She was used to seeing them kill zombies, but she was not used to seeing them kill people.
In fact, since the whole thing had started, this was the first time any of them had killed another human being.
That was the first man they had met in weeks.
- Jesus... are you all right?
Lee asked, pulling his axe back with some force, and pushing the body aside.
Ed still had his eyes focused on the man's body, with the moments just past wandering through his mind.
-Yes... I'm fine.
He answered, a little distant, seeming to become more and more immersed in his own thoughts.
His eyes followed the man's blood, which was slowly running down the floor.
While he was frightened by it, disgusted, there was a certain beauty in the intense crimson red that fascinated him, and he couldn't look away. And after a while, he felt angry at the man for trying to kill him.
He deserved to die.
But even seeing him dead, he didn't feel totally satisfied.
No, it wasn't Lee who should have killed him.
It should have been him.
"He tried to kill me...he deserved it...right?"
Ed blinked a few times at that thought, regretting the way he thought, feeling afraid of what he was becoming.
And what was worse, was that there was no stopping it anymore.
That was his reality now, the reality of all of them.
- Oh my God...
Carley said in a whisper, putting her hand over her mouth and looking down at the body.
Everyone followed with their eyes as Lee crouched down beside the man's corpse and placed his hand gently on his chest, bowing his head and closing his eyes.
An apology, a silent request for forgiveness.
- You see?! I told you he would become this! He killed that man for nothing!
Larry's annoying voice caught their attention, but didn't interrupt the little prayer Lee was saying for the man.
A lost soul, a life that had come to its needless end.
They didn't have that much food left, some people would have to go that day without eating. The food ran out faster than they thought.
Not for nothing, since they had thirteen people, including the new boy, Ben, whom Lee, Kenny and Ed had saved a few days ago.
Much to Lilly's dismay.
They simply couldn't share the food, it wasn't out of spite, they were barely managing to keep the people in their own group.
- For God's sake, shut up! Didn't you see that man tried to kill Ed?!
Kenny said angrily.
Larry's relationship with the others was not one of the best, he was on okay terms with some people, but with others, it was almost a war whenever they said even one word close to each other.
And Kenny was one of those.
So was Lee, but he preferred to ignore it. As long as the old man didn't try to kill him again, or hurt anyone there, he didn't give a shit how he was treated.
- He was hungry... desperate... so sad.
Lee said, getting up and wiping the blood from his axe, placing it propped up on a part of the wall that was finished and taking the man's body in his arms.
He was thin, barely weighing anything, only making more evident the precarious situation he was in when he found them.
Still, despite everything, he sealed his own fate when he pulled that gun, even if it was only in desperation.
- Dad, are you all right?
Clementine asked in her worried tone, and Ed turned to the girl, giving her a warm smile.
He had changed his mind about all the people there, but not about his little girl.
Kenny, once just a man who was doing what he could to protect his family, was now, in his eyes, nothing more than a temperamental idiot who would put them all at risk by his stupid decisions.
Lilly, once a good leader, a smart woman, was now just a self-centered woman, a dictator who wanted everything her way and complained to God and the world when someone did something that went against her orders. But of course, this changes when Lee is involved, she seems like a different person in this case.
Diana and Katjaa were two women living in a fairy world, who just because they knew medicine, decided that they were too good to do the heavy lifting like the others, and spent the day just talking to each other, with the excuse that Diana was teaching Katjaa a few things.
Doug was just an idiot with no talents, a nerd who thinks he did a lot by inventing useless trinkets that don't make the slightest difference in their survival.
Carley was just an incherid woman, telling everyone how important and worthwhile her morality is to follow, and always using Lee as an example. "Lee this," "Lee that."
Mark was just another idiot among many, who pretended to be something, but in the end, was nothing.
Duck was just a kid, he doesn't care what the kid does, but he finds him annoying a lot of the time. And it was starting to become a burden, he was old enough to help with something in that shitty motel. But his stupid mother kept him from doing anything, so technically it wasn't the boy's fault.
Lee, ah, Lee... where would he start? He had so many things to say.
At first, he envied him, today, he pitied him. A perfect puppy, he was being used by his false good nature, and he allowed himself to be. He always went ahead, always took the biggest risk, but he refused to open his eyes to how others saw him.
Nothing but brute strength, a shield, he was the idiot who carried them on his back, and was grateful when they cussed him out.
Larry treated him like shit, but he didn't defend still didn't kill that old fuck.
Ed would have killed him already, if it was him.
No... Lee was not dumb, he had probably figured that out by that point, but he refused to do anything, in the vague hope that he could change the way the people around him saw him.
And at the same time, a liar who hid behind a kind, friendly face, a man who pretended to care about others, but in reality, didn't give a damn.
Of all of them, Lee was the most twisted one there, the most disturbed, even more than himself.
But of course, Ed had to admit that he was very useful. It seems that the ability to be an killer was something more incredible than he had thought when all this started.
Clementine was the only really pure one in that group, the only one who was worth it. She was just perfect, and she would survive all of this, while the others around her would perish.
Ed put his hands to his face and shook his head. What little consciousness he still had was fighting bravely against these thoughts, which were becoming more and more common.
It wouldn't take long for him to give in to those thoughts, to those sensations.
To accept who he was, what he did... the same words Lee used.
But the more he struggled, the more he felt he was losing the fight.
The more he felt it wasn't worth the effort, because the result was already obvious.
And the more it seemed that his insane side was right.
Hours... days... weeks... fuck time.
Even time didn't seem right in his mind.
Ed stood with his arms crossed, leaning on one of the beams just beside the RV, watching with neutral eyes as Lee handed an apple to Clementine, who thanked him with a smile.
The girl had grown closer to Lee, and honestly, Ed hadn't been angry, just... concerned.
If Lee died, she would be sad. And he didn't want her to think about unnecessary things.
To be affected by anything.
They were becoming closer by the day, and although he wasn't necessarily angry with the girl, he couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable.
She was talking more with Lee than with him, her own father.
But it wasn't her fault. He had changed a lot. And she could see those changes very well.
Clementine was a smart girl, perhaps the smartest person in that pathetic group. Of course she would notice his change.
Well, it was good for her to enjoy the time she had with Lee, Duck, Kenny...
They would have time to be father and daughter soon. Plenty of time.
Just him and her.
The last apple they had, one of the few rations they had left.
And soon after, crackers and cheese for Duck, who was coloring right next to the girl.
It was even funny to see him trying hard to look like a good person, with his priorities straight. He, of all people, knew that he was not a good man.
So why act like one?
Why pretend to be someone you're not?
Isn't it better to just accept who you are?
"Isn't that what you told me?"
Ed snorted, clenching his eyes slightly as he watched Carley refuse the food, with the excuse that she owed Lee a lot, and that she didn't want him to get hungry.
Lee was a hypocrite.
He acted completely contrary to his words.
But, perhaps, it was not completely Lee's fault.
He himself had spent a long time being a hypocrite.
And since Lee had helped him once, maybe he was the one who should help him now.
Ed's eyes widened and he put his hand over his face, grimacing in disgust as he realized what he was thinking.
He didn't even know what to think anymore, really.
He could no longer tell what was in his head, or reality.
What was the influence of that voice in his mind, or himself.
... Maybe he was all of those things.