The way back to the motel was silent. But despite everything, no one there seemed to appreciate the silence.
It only seemed to make things more tense.
Lilly and Larry were walking further back, covering the rear of the group.
Just ahead of her, the other women and children were walking, being separated from Ed. Although they doubted he would try anything, you never know.
People were unpredictable, and the way Ed was at the moment, they no longer trusted the man's nature.
Kenny and Lee walked ahead of the women and children, keeping an eye on Ed, who was the furthest ahead.
No one there seemed to really talk about what had happened, or they just didn't feel well enough to talk.
Some simply didn't know how to start a conversation, and how to keep it going.
Not only did they almost eat human meat, one of their friends was killed by a family of cannibals, and his legs had been cooked in a pot in some kitchen.
They buried him, Kenny and Lee made sure of that, while Larry and Lilly kept Ed away from the others.
And amazingly enough, Larry said he had misjudged the people there.
He had always focused on Lee, saying that he was the one who would become unstoppable, he who would be the danger to the group.
But he was wrong. He let himself be ensnared by the same aura that Lee had of Ed, the same killer aura.
But it was remarkable the difference in those auras, which grew more and more each day. He had been blind, blaming only Lee, and letting himself forget about Ed.
It would be a good thing to see the old man apologize, admit his mistake, if it weren't for the rather... crazy situation.
Stressful.
-... What do we do?
Kenny asked in a whisper, so that Ed wouldn't hear the conversation.
- Honestly ... I don't know.
Lee answered, looking at Ed's back, who was walking with his head down, apparently sorry and trapped in his thoughts.
But Lee knew it was a lie.
- What's gotten into him? I understand that he might have been angry about what they did to Mark, and what they intended to do to his legs... but what he did was rather... unnecessary, to say the least. Hell, I wouldn't complain if he had just shot them.
Kenny said, shaking his head slightly as he remembered when he first heard Brenda's screams.
The frightened expressions of the children, the desperation their mothers had as they covered their eyes and ears.
The fear they had when Ed approached.
-... I'd like to think there was some reason behind it, but... honestly... I can't say anything. I wouldn't have complained either if he had simply killed them. A shot in the head, fast and simple.
Lee said, looking at the forest for a few moments, leaning his axe on his shoulder.
-... Jesus... I don't even know what that little girl's head must be like right now.
Kenny said, looking over his shoulder at Clementine, who was walking with her hand on her mother's, a distant expression, eyes focused on the ground and head down.
There were dark circles below the girl's eyes...that must have scared her too much.
- A mess... worse than the adults' heads.
Lee said, sighing heavily, and staring at the treetops for a while.
It was not yet nightfall, not completely, and he could lose himself for a few moments in that vast blue expanse mixed with the orange of sunset.
The world had changed drastically, and he tried to deny it. He tried every day.
But he had to accept this once and for all.
The world had always been a beautiful place... beautiful, and dangerous.
But the one they lived in now was ugly. There was almost nothing left that reflected the beauty that once dwelled in those trees.
In the cities.
In the farms.
In the people...
If ever people were beautiful.
That incident served as a warning. If he continued to think that the world had not completely changed, more bad things would happen to him, and to the people around him.
- I know that this is not the best time... and that we will discuss this later, with lighter heads, but... are we still going to leave him with us?
Kenny asked after a while, and Lee bowed his head, sighing wearily.
-... We need to discuss this further, take everything into consideration... at the moment, I don't have a mind stable enough to consider everything, but... well, we let Larry stay... and I don't know if I would have the courage to kick out the father of a little girl so young, when everyone else's parents are dead.
Lee said, staring at Ed, who had turned and was looking over his shoulder at them, but then disguised it by turning his head back to face forward.
Lee knew that there was something wrong with the man, and that the chances of him getting his thoughts in order were low.
But still, he held out hope that whatever Ed was dealing with, he would get over it and get back to normal.
That was his problem, he still had too much hope. Even in lost cases.
-... Well, let's try to look for something good in all this... at least we got enough food... and no meat, so we don't have to worry.
Kenny said, remembering the canned food they got, and Lee shook his head.
It was something good in the middle of that pile of shit, even if it wasn't much.
After they arrived at the motel, Kenny explained the situation to the others, and they got a separate room for Ed.
One of the rooms they didn't use. At the same time they moved Diana and Clementine into Lee's room without Ed knowing, so that there would be no risk of him trying to do something to them without them noticing. In case he managed to get out of the room for the night.
Which was somewhat unlikely, but better safe than sorry.
At the moment, Lee was helping to carry Diana's things to his room, just after he had arranged the beds, leaving the two of them in a double bed, while he had placed his single bed further to the corner of the room.
- Thanks again, Lee.
Diana thanked him, sitting on the double bed with Clementine on her lap, still with a distant expression.
- No reason to thank me. It's safer this way.
He said, placing the bag of the woman's things beside her bed, and looking at the two of them immediately afterwards.
- How are you both doing?
He asked, walking over to the window and looking at the door to the room Ed was in.
They had locked it, just in case, but still. You never know.
-... To be quite honest... horrible.
she said, with a sad sigh.
- I... have noticed the change in Ed... since all this started. And every day I watched him grow further away from me... I felt so lost... I didn't know what to do with him growing more and more distant... and to escape this disorientation, I tried not to care.
She said, wiping the few tears that streamed down her face.
Lee looked at her, quietly, paying attention to the woman's words, letting her get it off her chest.
- I know I shouldn't have done this, who knows, maybe he wouldn't have turned into a... I don't even know what he has turned into... he has changed so much that he doesn't seem like my husband anymore. And when I tried to talk to him... in the few moments he seemed willing to listen to me, and he gave me that cold look... I knew that wasn't Ed anymore.
She said, running her hand gently over Clementine's back, who squeezed a little harder, trying not to cry.
- What he did...he killed...I didn't even know he had the coldness to do something like that.
She said, lifting her head and looking at Lee, who sat in a chair beside the bed.
- When I found out what the St. John's were doing...I was going to kill them...but the way he did it...why would he do something like that? Do you know if there's something bothering him? Something that made him angry? Or something in particular that might have triggered this change?
Lee asked, crossing his arms.
- I don't know... like I said, he has started to change since all this happened... maybe it was all the death he saw, all this situation, I... I don't know.
She said, and they were silent for a while.
Lee sighed and leaned his body forward a little, propping his elbows on his legs, and looking at the ground, thinking about the way the St. John's were.
Having your limbs sawed off... a painful way to die.
Both from the shock of the pain, and the loss of blood...
-... Did he have to kill those people?
Clementine's low voice caught the attention of both adults, and they looked at the girl.
-... Your father... your father wanted to make everything safer... they were dangerous people... yes, it was necessary to kill them.
Lee said, seeing that Diana didn't know what to say to the girl.
-... But why?
She asked, turning and looking at Lee.
Only then he noticed the gold mixed with red in the girl's eyes, her face a little swollen from having cried for some time.
- They were bad people, they wanted to make us eat a person... they killed our friend for no reason, they could do the same to the rest of us.
Lee said, and Diana did not protest what he was saying. There was no point in trying to stifle things for the girl, she had seen it all.
She had seen things to mark her for the rest of her life.
- Why kill them like that? They... they screamed...
the girl asked, losing focus in her eyes and losing herself in her mind as she recalled the screams she heard.
Genuine screams of pain and despair, she would not forget.
-... Look, Clem... I wish I had an answer for you, but this time, I don't. There was no reason for him to do what he did.
He said, looking at the girl ruefully.
-... Would you do it?
She asked, lifting her head and looking up at him, staring into his eyes.
- No. That... that's different, I doubt anyone else here would do that... not even Larry.
He said, losing himself in his own words, and talking more to himself than to the girl.
He wouldn't do something like that... even though he is a bad person.
-... My father is a bad man?
she asked, and Lee's eyes widened for a moment.
- What? No... I mean... he just... he just went through a lot and...
He tried to say it, but he couldn't find an excuse.
Normal people wouldn't do what he did, but, maybe, he wasn't essentially bad, just... lost.
"Oh who are you kidding?"
- He is. He said that people weren't good anymore...that means he's a bad one too.
She said, and both adults looked at each other.
- What? No, sweet pea. Not all people are bad, some are just confused, some are lost... not everyone is terrible. Even in situations like this there are still good people. You are one of them, Katjaa, your mother, Kenny...
He said, looking at her with a slight expression, a gentle smile, trying to find a way to comfort her.
The girl stared at him thoughtfully for a moment.
- You too.
She said, and Lee sighed. Although he was grateful that she thought that way, she couldn't have been more wrong.
- No, sweet pea. I'm not.
he said, and the girl arched an eyebrow.
- Why not? Is it because of the man you killed?
she asked.
- Because of the people I killed... the things I did, before the apocalypse.
He said, leaning his back in his chair.
- What did you do?
the girl asked, and Lee got a rather distant look on his face.
- I neglected my family ... I alienated my friends ... I watched my wife drift further and further away from me, I condemned her to a life without happiness and I did nothing to make up for it.
He said, sighing.
In a way, everything he went through was his fault, a consequence of his own actions, and in some cases, the lack of them.
He thought that a family would solve everything, that a child would bring the two of them back together, but if he had really been inclined to make things better, he would have done more.
But instead, he just sat and watched his wife walk away, not giving her enough attention.
It was only a matter of time before she found comfort in the arms of another.
He should have figured.
-... That doesn't make you a bad person.
The girl said, and Lee was taken out of his thoughts.
- Not explicitly, but in a way, yes, it does make me a bad person. Because I knew the consequences, and yet...
He cut himself off. He always felt regret when he thought about the past.
-... Is a bad person bad forever?
The girl asked, and Lee raised an eyebrow, curious.
- That depends. Despite the bad, or monstrous, things someone has done, that person can get forgiveness, redemption for their actions. And can, as a result, become a good person. It's not easy, you have to be willing to change completely, but it is rewarding.
He answered, and the girl became thoughtful again.
-... So, Dad can be a good person again, right?
She asked, and again both adults looked at each other.
- Yes... he can, anyone can. But like I said, he must be willing to change, and the path is not easy.
He answered, and the girl snuggled into her mother's arms, getting caught up in her thoughts again.
-... Do you have children? I mean, had you?
Diana asked after a while, looking at Lee.
- No. I wanted to, but my ex never...
he said, sighing slightly at the thought.
He didn't know whether to feel sad that he never had a child, or happy for that very reason. The son he didn't have didn't have to go through a situation like the one they were in.
He wouldn't have to grow up in a world devastated by death.
- You are good with children... she likes you.
Diana said, looking at Clementine, whose eyes were closed, asleep perhaps?
Which was good, the whole situation was a bit stressful. Especially for a little eight-year-old girl.
Lee smiled slightly.
- I like her too... she is a good girl. Smart, strong for a kid that age... hm, stronger than most adults actually.
He said, turning and looking at some random point in the room, thoughts racing furiously through his mind.
- I just hope she is strong enough to handle it all... seeing her father change like that... I hope this situation passes soon.
Diana said, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes tightly.
Lee sighed heavily.A horrible situation for everyone, but mostly for both mother and daughter lost.
The hours passed in the blink of an eye. Lee woke up slowly, not even realizing that he had dozed off, and looked to the side, standing up silently when he saw that both girls were asleep.
Picking up his axe, he cautiously leaves the room, not making too much noise so as not to wake either woman.
Sighing, he looks at Kenny, who was standing guard over the RV, and nods to his friend, who nodded back.
It was late at night, but he didn't feel like he was going to sleep that night. Not after that little nap.
He turned and walked up the stairs, walking to the little spot he liked to hang out every once in a while.
The small balcony before the second floor corridor. It had no view of the rooms, and the rooms had no view of it.
He liked to stand there, thinking, or simply passing the time, staring at the trees ahead, or simply looking at the sky.
But he was slightly surprised to see Lilly there, sitting where he always stood, her head slightly raised, perhaps looking up at the dark sky.
The woman was barely visible, the only thing he could see to distinguish her was her silhouette.
- Lilly?
He called out for the woman, and could see her silhouette turn in his direction.
- Oh, Lee... can't sleep either?
She asked, and he scratched the back of his head, placing the axe on the wall and sitting down beside her.
- Yes... I probably couldn't sleep very well even if I was really sleepy.
He said, putting his arms on his knees and staring into the darkness in front of him.
-... The situation was worse than I thought.
she said after a while in silence.
- Yes, worse than anyone could have imagined... it's not every day that we come across cannibals... or a man with a screw loose who cut off the limbs of two people and watched them die.
He said, shaking his head slightly.
-... I don't understand... how did he get that way? He hasn't been through anything that would influence that... not that I know of.
She said, and Lee sighed slightly.
- It doesn't take much to drive someone mad, Lilly. At the same time that the mind is something strong, it is also weak precisely because of this. And with everything that's going on in the world, I think watching someone slowly going crazy is going to be considered normal at some point.
He said, running his hand through his hair.
Would he go crazy too?
Maybe, at some point... it depends on how many bad things he sees, or goes through...
In that world, that was almost certain.
- Yeah... I think we are all slowly going crazy.
Lilly said.
- Sure thing. I just hope it's not to a point as extreme as that...
"Even though I know that's probably what's going to happen."
He closed his eyes somewhat tightly, imagining himself severing someone's limbs.
His stomach twisted just at the thought.
But how long would he stay like that? How long would he find that idea horrifying?
Sooner or later, he would find it normal. Who knows.
- It's strange to think that a few months ago I was worried about putting up with some assholes at my job... and now, I miss those assholes, I don't even feel human anymore with the things I saw, that I did...
Lilly said, and Lee opened his eyes, even though he couldn't see anything.
- Hm, I hear you. Oh what I would give to go back to my job, to my boring office...to my dull Friday nights...to feel something good for a change.
He said, and the woman was silent for a moment.
- You can still feel something good.
She said, and Lee raised an eyebrow, curious.
- Really? Like what?
He asked, wondering why the woman had been silent for a while.
However, he widened his eyes in surprise when he felt Lilly sitting on his lap, and putting her hands on his shoulder.
- Lilly?
He called her name, but soon felt something soft and sweet pressing against his lips, and Lilly's breath against his skin.
After a while, they broke away from the kiss.
- Ahm... are you... sure?
He asked, gripping her waist a little tightly.
- Like you, I want to feel something good for a change. Besides, what's the big deal? It's just a good time for both of us.
She said, removing her shirt and kissing Lee again, who returned the kiss, interlacing her waist and pulling her closer to him.