CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Nathan and Elizabeth walked arm in arm from their lunch with Bill and Nathaniel at the Cafe, back to the Livery to check on Sargent.
"Darling, how does it feel to own thirty-two acres of land with our very own special cabin and a huge lake?" asked Elizabeth, somewhat incredulously.
"Oh, Elizabeth, I don't even think it's sunk in yet! Can't wait to go tour the property with Nathaniel, though! And can you believe Nathaniel is Mr. Helmsley's first name, and that Elizabeth is his wife's name? I mean, that in itself is rather remarkable!"
"No, and I can't believe Bill didn't give us a heads up on that. But Nathan, when you gave Nathaniel your condition, he was both shocked and thrilled. That was such an amazing thing for you to do, to have us try to help fill the void his wife and children have left. I know that's going to mean more to him than any piece of land or lake. I really liked him, and he already feels like family, doesn't he?"
"Yes, he does! And you can tell that he and Bill are really close already. I think it was meant to be."
"We'll have to keep after him to come with us to the cabin when we visit! Nathan, I just thought of something. We were supposed to call the Buxton Livery and order our sleigh this morning," chided Elizabeth, a little despondently.
"Oh, no!" he teased.
"Rosemary's going to be so disappointed!"
"Are you sure my Darling Elizabeth is not also a little disappointed?"
"Maybe a smidge!" she admitted, but she made a pouty face that showed it was quite a bit more than a smidge!
He turned to face her, "I placed the order first thing this morning when Aaron covered for me earlier. And the order should already have been processed, long before now. Jason was going to process the order himself, and he promised he would do it before eleven o'clock, if not before. Everything should be ready for us to pick up by next Saturday, so save the date!"
She tried to throw her arms around his neck, but couldn't quite reach completely around, so he lifted her up on the Boardwalk by her waist, and turned her round and round, finally placing her down with a very loving celebratory kiss!
"Nathan, my Love, this is getting to be a habit, but one I love! I'm so terribly excited about the sleigh!"
"We've got lots of wonderful things to celebrate, Darling!"
He smiled down at her, and they resumed their walk, with Elizabeth's arm looped through his, and their hands intertwined.
"Elizabeth, if Sargent is still stable, would you be okay with Gabe or Aaron watching him for me this afternoon? I hate for you to go to the trouble of preparing a meal, only for me to fall asleep at the table, or worse, like before on the settee!"
She laughed, "Of course, my Darling, you have to be exhausted. Little Jack and I'll walk to the school to pick up Allie this afternoon, and we'll bring her home with us. I'll see that she does her homework for tomorrow, and she can play with Little Jack or help me with dinner. How does that sound?"
"Perfect, thank you, Love! Give Allie a hug for me and tell her I'm sorry, but I had to catch some sleep or stop in my tracks!"
"Hey, Gabe, how is Sargent?" asked Nathan, slapping his best friend on the back.
"Good! Good afternoon, Elizabeth. I've been giving Sargent a syringe full of water every half hour, just like you said, Nathan. He's kept it all down, and if I'm a minute late, he reminds me!"
"That's great news! We brought you and Aaron Desserts as a bribe. Do you think you two could take turns watching Sargent this afternoon, while I grab a few winks of sleep?"
"Sure, it's been fairly slow at the office today, except for those ridiculous follow-up reports that never end! And that Mrs. Ainsley! Why in the world can't she ever know where her dog is? I've searched for that mutt at least 5 times, and I know Aaron's been out after her at least as many. But poor Aaron did get the short end of the stick yesterday; he had to go up the side of the mountain chasing that thing, the one without much of a path! He came back to the Office with Briar scratches all over him, and we even had to order him a new serge! Bill was ticked! Aaron and I are getting ready to build Mrs. Ainsley a fence with our own money!"
Nathan and Elizabeth were laughing so hard, picturing Aaron and Gabe chasing Mrs. Ainsley's mutt, and the poor dog really was a mutt, although Mrs. Ainsley treated it like a champion show dog!
"Yeah, I think my tally for that mutt is at about ninety captures. I know I'm close to a hundred! I can't tell you how many times I've considered picking Tilly up each morning and locking her in the jail for the day!"
"That's a great idea, Nathan. Why didn't we think of that? I'll do it tomorrow. But it would be just our luck for us to get a prisoner, too!"
"Well, that might not be a bad idea. Tilly can get pretty vicious if she doesn't trust you! Just don't let Bill see her, whatever you do!"
"Anyway, I digress, Nathan, we'll make sure to watch Sargent closely, and we'll get word to you if we need you. Good grief, it's worth it just to have a gameplan for Tilly! Take as long as you can sleep, you look like death, by the way. Like you're gonna drop!"
"Thanks, Gabe, I feel so much better..." retorted Nathan in a sarcastic tone he reserved for Aaron, Gabe, and Bill, but mostly for his best friend, Gabe, all the while giving Gabe a look that only brothers give each other. "No, seriously Gabe, thank you and Aaron for all your help with Sargent! Elizabeth and I both really appreciate it!
Nathan gave Sargent the once over and talked to him soothingly.
"You be a really Good Boy for Gabe and Aaron. They're going to take great care of you while I go get a little sleep. Proud of you Sargent! You're doing great. I'll be back to check on you tonight."
After that, all Nathan could do was yawn, yawn, and yawn!
"Excuse me. Can't believe I'm this tired!"
Elizabeth thanked Gabe with a hug and gave Sargent a kiss while whispering something privately to him.
The couple waved to Gabe and Sargent, then linked their arms for their walk home.
"You know Nathan, Gabe's right. You look exhausted. We've got to get you home. Promise me you'll go straight to sleep."
He looked at her through glazed eyes."I don't think that's going to be a problem."
"Maybe, sometime this week, Sargent will be well enough for us to fix dinner for Bill, Gabe, and Aaron," she suggested. "They've been such a huge help with Sargent!"
"Elizabeth, they'd love that. But then you're going to be exhausted. How about I cook up something?"
"Absolutely not! Nathan, you are supposed to be off work to rest, and I don't think that's happened yet. I'll cook, and that's settled. Rosemary will help if I need her to."
"Yes, Ma'am! Thank you, Darling! Here, I'll walk you on home."
"No, Nathan, I'm walking you home!"
"Hmm. Now how does that work?" Nathan asked teasingly.
"Oh, I'll show you exactly how that works when we get there!" she countered, looking at him through narrowed eyes with a faint hint of a smile on her lips.
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"What did I do to deserve YOU?" and she put great emphasis on the you! "Nathan, you're exhausted because you've been spending day and night saving Sargent for Little Jack and me. That means the world to us, to me!"
"We are so blessed to have found each other, Nathan," she added.
"Yes, Darling, we are! I don't even know how I made it through before, without you. I really don't. You've brought me so much love, so much joy. And Allie, too. It's like you've made everything shiny and bright in our world. I'm so very grateful, Elizabeth."
"Constable, it seems I've brought you safely to your door." she teased as she walked up on the front porch with him. "You were asking how this works? Well, this is how!"
And she put her arms around him and reached up to kiss him on his hungry lips.
As she did so, he opened his front door and pulled her inside, closing the door after them. Both still had their arms wrapped around each other.
They kissed each other several times as they stood there, till Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh between their kisses, "You're tired, remember?"
"Don't know what you're talking about..."
He finally pulled her toward his settee, where he sat and brought her down to him.
"Come sit with me."
She gave him a faint smile, and he thought he saw something almost unreadable flash across her face for an instant. But whatever it was, it quickly vanished. And he was so tired, he probably imagined it.
"We're alone!" she whispered. "And it feels wonderful."
She nestled her head to his chest.
"It's paradise," he whispered back.
"But you, my Darling, have to sleep," she admonished.
"I promise I will, but this is more important. Spending time with you, my Love will always be more important. Let me just hold you."
And Elizabeth was very content to let Nathan do just that.
She stayed with him till he finally fell asleep on the settee. Then she went rummaging for a pillow and blanket to make him more comfortable.
As she opened the door to the large corner cabinet and reached inside to get the pillow and quilt laying there, something fell out from the quilt. She stopped to pick it up and realized it was a letter.
Surprisingly, the envelope was addressed to her. She hesitated slightly but looked again at her name on the envelope. "It was meant for me," she thought, and so she opened it, and saw that the letter was dated just before Christmas of last year.
23rd December 1915
My Darling Elizabeth,
Beauty and grace effortlessly surround you, and I'm so touched to be in your presence. To have spent time with you this Christmas Season means more to me than you can ever know.
Everything is perfect when you're there. Whether it's cutting a Christmas tree, decorating it together, or just talking together.
I know now that what I'm feeling for you, and have felt for you since the first day I met you, is love. Pure love. I've not felt love like this before, and I want desperately to tell you, but I am so afraid my love will scare you away.
I know you need time. So, I'll wait patiently. Until you're ready.
But I want you to know if you ever see your way clear to loving me, your love for Jack will never lessen. His love will always be there to fill you with joy and to strengthen you and Little Jack. No matter what does or doesn't happen between us.
However, I pray daily that you will open your generous heart to receive the intense, passionate, and complete love for you that fills the entirety of my heart.
I know only this, the love I have for you will never change, except to grow deeper, if that's even possible. It will be there in my heart and mind till my dying day, and I think even beyond.
Yours always,
Nathan
Elizabeth was crying softly, trying not to wake him. She read the letter a second time, memorizing each of his beautiful words while feeling his love for her spill from the pages.
She folded the letter back into the envelope, kissed it, and laid it back inside the corner cabinet shelf.
Then she picked up the blanket and pillow again and took them to the sofa.
She lovingly spread the quilt over Nathan and did her best to gently stuff the pillow under his head, without waking him.
She kissed him lightly on his forehead, but she couldn't leave him, so she watched him sleeping peacefully a bit longer, reveling in the deep love that had filled the letter he had written her a year ago. He had loved her through all her indecision, all her fears, all her grief, and all her letting go. He had been her safe place to fall, yet she had taken so long to do so. Not in her heart, he had already had that from the beginning, but in her acceptance of the fact she could move on into happiness and love again, that she could both give and receive love as part of a couple. That she could truly live again.
Finally, she realized she had to go get Little Jack from Rosemary.
As she got up to leave, she kissed Nathan once more, again lightly on his forehead, and whispered, "I adore you, Nathan Grant. And I will love you till my dying day and beyond."
Elizabeth wanted to stay with him forever, but instead, she forced herself to quietly slip out his front door.
Walking to Rosemary's, Elizabeth was alone with her thoughts.
The realization that this man she loved more than life itself, had loved her so deeply a year ago, and even before, hit her hard. Instead of telling her, he had understood her well enough to know that she had not been ready for a relationship.
He had kept all that beautiful love inside his heart, honoring her, waiting for her patiently, and all the while, he had watched another man pursue her.
How had he done it? How had he gone through all that and not hated her? Not hated him?
Now, for the first time, she realized the full extent of what her trip with Lucas had meant to Nathan.
To her, it had been friends only, as she and Nathan had discussed, but there had been a missing piece. Now she knew at the same time of the trip, Nathan was already deeply in love with her, and in Nathan's mind, she had chosen Lucas, just as Nathan had said. Only now did she understood the full impact of that. It had meant Nathan was never going to get to tell her about the deep love he already had for her in his heart.
Without meaning to, she had allowed the last two years to become a contest of sorts, and now, she knew why Nathan had refused to play. It had bothered her so, at the time.
She had thought he was shy, or he wasn't really interested, or maybe he was backward in the ways of love, or...maybe...
Truthfully, she had made up a thousand excuses.
But now she knew none of those excuses were true.
She had been the one to blame for their lack of progression as a couple, not him.
Nathan had done it for her. He had stepped back not because he didn't care, but because he did care, very deeply. How had she misread it all? How had she not seen it?
The cold winter wind whipped around her, but she just couldn't face talking with anyone right now.
So she continued her walk briskly, once around the pond, needing so desperately to be alone with her thoughts.
The gray winter sky seemed to mock her. Without meaning to, she had chosen the limbo of gray for her life and for Little Jack's life for two long years.
She had stifled everything. She had placed herself somewhat back into life, but with a suit of armor on. One that was meant to protect her from love, from hurt.
One that had kept her from yielding to the true love that she had subconsciously seen right there in front of her.
What if she and Nathan had missed their chance altogether, because of her hesitancy to move forward from her past life?
Her heart felt so heavy, she thought it would break. And her breath was deep and rushed. How could she ever forgive herself for having put Nathan through this? How had she hurt him so very badly? How had she, once again, wasted precious time?
"That's all in the past, Elizabeth. Your new past. Leave it there with our past, and love him well. Just like you loved me. 'Come sit with me' and 'Take a walk with me' are one and the same. But then, I think you already know that. The two of you were always meant to be Elizabeth. Always."
And as quickly as he had come and stood behind her, Jack Thornton winked and was gone.