Author Note: How Hermione Got Satisfied is another short idea that slapped me in the face like a trout. This one is much happier than the previous one. Hope you like it. It is Lunar Harmony, Ron is a jackass, set technically in the post epilogue era, only is not epilogue compliant. Sort of 10% compliant. You'll see. Oh some common fanfic tropes are active.
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Hermione Weasley, Minister for Magic, snuck in the front door of the flat she shared with her husband Ronald and their two children, children who were away at Hogwarts at the moment. So since her day had been going slowly and Ron had said he was taking the day off to get some work done she had come home just after lunch to surprise him and maybe have a bit of fun.
Not that their love life had been very amazing as of late. For the last several months Ron had been too tired to do anything, or when they did make love he finished and left her hanging. That's why she thought coming home and surprising him would spice things up a bit.
Not finding him downstairs she moved slowly up the stairs. Her friend Harry had insisted she maintain her skills in defense as Minister. The two of them met once a week for training and practice so her skills were not rusty at all.
As she got closer to their bedroom though she heard something that sent a shudder down her spin. The sound of their bed moving and a woman's voice moaning in sexual enjoyment. She drew her wand and hoped it was not what she thought it was.
Peeking around the slightly open door she saw Ron on his back being ridden by a blonde haired girl she didn't recognize. She knew it wasn't Luna as this girl had much larger breasts judging by the bra on the floor.
Stepping into the room she managed to walk almost beside the bed before either of them noticed. Getting a better look at the girl she discovered that it was a girl from the joke shop Ron managed for his brother. She was a young clerk named Heather. The girl's eyes had opened as she panted on Ron's shaft when she noticed Hermione.
"Oh shit!" She exclaimed jumping off of Ron to crouch beside the bed.
"Wha, What's up Heather?" Ron asked in confusion before he felt the tip of Hermione's wand against his pubic region. Looking up her arm to her stone cold face he smiled awkwardly, "Uh hi honey. This isn't exactly what it looks like."
"Oh really? So what you're going to tell me this is the imperious, confundus or love potions? You know I can check for all of those." She said moving the tip of her wand to the very base of his shaft.
"Yeah I know. It wasn't one of those things. I just uh. We just uh." He said glancing at Heather who was frozen looking up in terror at Hermione. "I can explain just give me a moment to think."
"You know what Ron, never mind. You have been an ass to me our entire marriage. We had to go to counseling and that barely made things work. You washed out of auror training and if it hadn't been for George needing a hand at the shop I have no idea what you'd have done. So you keep your little tart. I'm out of here. You'll be hearing from Susan by tomorrow." Hermione declared nostrils flaring.
She pulled her wand away from Ron's shaft to his relief and swinging it in a circle caused her luggage to come out of the closet along with the emergency escape bag Harry insisted she keep packed. Her pictures, personal belongings and other things of hers flew along the air into the bags and trunks like a small tornado of items before being shrunk and landing in her go bag.
She plucked it out of mid air and slid it over her shoulder. Looking at Ron she glared at him before pulling her wedding band off and flinging it on his stomach.
Leaving the bedroom she cleared the wards and apparated out of the neighborhood, his life and the home she had shared for the last two decades.
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Landing on the front stoop of #12 Grimmould place Hermione rung the bell. She knew Harry would be at work but his wife Luna should be here. Ginny and Harry had tried hard after the war but they were too incompatible. Both of them had been expecting and wanting something different from the other than what they could give so they had broken apart spectacularly.
Hermione had tried to get them to join her and Ron in couples counseling but both Harry and Ginny said for the good of humanity, the wizarding world and the safety of the planet it would be better if they went their separate ways and worked on being friends. A few months later Luna and Harry had run into each other working on a case of smuggled magical animals and started talking, going out for drinks and then settled in with each other that led to them getting married about a decade ago. They had a strange relationship that worked as they somehow understood each other and truly connected. Hermione wondered what her life would have been like if she had chosen Harry instead of Ron.
The door opened and Luna stood there in a sheer house dress with a bright yellow house coat over it. Her usual smile was like a ray of sunshine on a stormy day to Hermione at the moment. "Hello Hermione. What happened?"
"What makes you think something happened?"
"The Minister for magic does not suddenly apparate onto the front stoop of a close friend with running mascara and her emergency bag over her shoulder to just have tea and biscuits." Luna declared stepping aside for Hermione to enter.
"Thanks Luna. You're just the person I needed right now." she sighed. Soon the two of them were ensconced in the sitting room with a cup of hot tea and some biscuits on the table between them.
Luna was tucked in the over sized wingback chair that made her look even more fairy like than normal. Smiling she said, "I'm sorry but you just missed Harry. He came home for a sexual liaison and some lunch. I was just relaxing in post coital bliss after he left when you rang the door bell."
Hermione was used to the frank way Luna spoke so she just shook her head. "Oh. Well good thing I wasn't here a few more minutes earlier."
"You know Harry and I have invited you to join us." Luna said sipping her tea.
"I know but I was raised one man, one woman. That's what a marriage is." Hermione sighed. "Although after today I'm not so sure I wouldn't consider it."
"So have you spoken to Susan about the divorce papers yet?" Luna casually asked.
Hermione frowned then looked at the hand holding her tea cup and saw the thin pale mark where her ring had been sitting. "No not yet. Uh where's Phoebus and Celeste?"
"They are with father. Harry has been very stressed at the office thanks to a case he has been dealing with so I knew he would want to have some relaxation, so I arranged for lunch to be on me today." She said with a sigh and wiggle of her eyebrows.
"You know you're a very kinky girl." Hermione laughed.
Luna shrugged, "I prefer to think of myself as comfortable with my sexual energies. Either way Harry doesn't seem to mind. So which bedroom would you like to move into. We can let Hugo and Rose choose their rooms when they get back from school. Although the new baby will be in the nursery for a while."
Hermione looked at Luna's trim figure, "You're pregnant?"
"Not yet but a few more lunches like that should do the trick, especially as I am entering my fertile phase of the month starting Thursday. With my optimal maximum of around tea time on Friday." Luna said looking at the ceiling like she was calculating.
"Right okay. I'll let the office know he'll be going home early then?"
"Actually he will be taking a personal day as I plan to abuse him all day." She grinned wickedly. Hermione wasn't sure if she should be scared or jealous.
Hermione flushed as she had some very stray, wild, thoughts run through her mind, "Could we stop talking about sex. I haven't had any that was any good for several months now." She bitterly said.
"Oh I'm sorry. So who is she?"
"What makes you think there's another woman?" Hermione sighed.
"Because Ron has never exhibited any signs he likes males, but I suppose he could be experimenting. You and he have fought multiple times since you got married but you have never taken your wedding ring off before which means this must have been one of the unforgivable acts of marriage which means abuse, cheating or hogging all of the good shampoo. As the children are at school and Harry is not hiding you from prosecution for killing Ron that must leave cheating."
"Wait, you think Harry would hide me if I killed Ron?"
Luna nodded as she bent over to pick up a biscuit from the plate. "Of course. He loves you that much."
"Harry loves me? And you're okay with that?" Hermione asked in confusion.
Luna looked at Hermione like she had grown a third eye on a stalk, "Of course. Harry does not feel love, he is love. Just because he loves you does not mean he loves me less. Its not a competition."
"Oh. I wonder if that's why Ginny and him didn't work out."
"It was one of the reasons. We do not discus her very much. It is better that way." Luna said calmly.
"Right okay. I guess so." Hermione still sat holding her tea.
"Even if you do not join Harry and I in sexual activities you are still welcome to live here with us. The children love you very much." Luna said getting up and floating Hermione's luggage behind her.
"Uh where are you going?"
"I'm going to put your bag in the bedroom just below ours. For now at least. Although I will need a drop of your blood."
Hermione had risen and plucked her bag out of Luna's spell to carry it as they climbed the stairs.
"What do you need my blood for?"
"To tie you into the wards so you can come and go, use the floo without requesting entry and come into our bedroom at your leisure." She said without looking over her shoulder.
"Wait shouldn't you talk to Harry about all that?"
Luna stopped on the landing and looked at Hermione in confusion, "Hermione. Why would I need to ask Harry about that? I am his wife which means I am his equal and trusted partner. I do not ask Harry about his decisions or second guess him, except when he is being reckless with his safety and comes home reeking of smoke or dittany."
"Oh. Does that happen often?" Hermione was feeling like she was losing her grip on a few things and wanted to get back on solid ground.
"Not as often as it used to as he is in the office more. Which does make me happier which is why we decided to go for one more child. Although if you got pregnant at the same time our children could play together growing up." Luna said walking upstairs again.
"I haven't even said I'll have sex with Harry. And besides what would the public think if they knew I had left my husband for cheating on me to jump into a married man's bed."
Luna stopped again and looked at Hermione incredulously again, "Why would it matter what perfect strangers think about your personal life? I never understood that aspect of the media and the public. Always worrying about who was having sexual relations with whom. One reason father doesn't report that sort of thing. He leaves that for Witch Weekly."
"But. I'm a public official. I have to maintain a certain image."
"Given the long track record of Ministers Hermione I sincerely doubt the public will find this arrangement very interesting. You could probably have sex with Harry on the steps of Gringotts and wind up having the article reported on page three below the racing reports." Luna had stopped outside a bedroom.
"Welcome home Hermione. You know where the bathrooms are, the kitchen is open if you are hungry although the liquor cabinet is secured under Harry's blood. Then you don't need to be drinking anyhow. Feel free to take a nap as I'm going to shower and visit father to make sure the children have not overwhelmed him again." She said turning and going up the stairs to her and Harry's bedroom. "Unless you want to come with me."
"To the shower or your father's?" Hermione asked.
Pausing with a naughty grin Luna said, "Your choice."
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Hermione had chosen to take a nap. She was safe, she was in a friendly, even slightly too friendly, environment and she was around people who cared about her. She just needed some time to process what happened. She had been seeing the warning signs and ignored them. He was distant, lost interest in making love to her, went through the motions. She had to admit she was spending more time at the office and the only time she looked forward to was the two hours a week training with Harry.
As she laid down she wondered how Harry would react to having her under his roof. As that was where her thoughts were when she went to sleep she had a rather remarkable dream where she was sleeping in a sunny glen when Harry came riding up on a white charger. Sliding out of the saddle he came over and knelt down to kiss her awake. She had responded happily, enthusiastically indeed. Their clothes slipped off and soon they had joined in the ancient dance which led to the plateau of bliss.
Hermione awoke sharply from this dream with her breath coming quickly and her loins reminding her that they had not received proper attention in far too long. Getting up she attended to her needs in the bathroom then got dressed. Looking at the clock she saw that it must be dinner time by now so double checking that she was properly covered and there was no flush in her cheeks she went downstairs.
She heard a great deal of laughter and voices coming from the kitchen. Kreacher had finally passed a few years ago and Harry had not replaced him so he and Luna took turns with the meals. Which meant that one day it might be a traditional steak and potatoes dinner and the next it would be jumja pies with yamok sauce.
Entering the kitchen she saw Harry at the stove as it must have been his turn. She smiled at him when he waved the spoon at her.
"Hey Mione. Its spaghetti and wine tonight. Luna said you've had a bad day." Harry cheerfully called out mincing garlic into the bread dough. The speed and grace he moved from task to task made Hermione sigh at how easy he made it look. Asking to help him got you a slap on the rump and chased out of the cooking area, something Hermione thought Luna did quite often just because of that.
"Thanks Harry." She looked around the kitchen happily. Harry and Luna had redecorated the entire house when they got married and the kitchen was now much lighter, friendlier and modern. With chrome and brass fixtures, new tile flooring and marble counters. The table though still was big enough to compete with Hogwarts she always thought.
Seated around the table was Luna smiling serenely in a silvery blue dress that had sunflowers all over it. Her father with his long now snow white hair pulled back in a ponytail laughing at something his five year old granddaughter Celeste had said. Next to Celeste was Phoebus. Nine years old and growing into a fine young wizard. His long silvery blonde hair complementing his emerald green eyes. Celeste would grow up to be a beauty as she had her mother's heart shaped face and silvery blue yes but long fine raven black iridescent hair.
Susan Bones was sitting beside Phoebus talking to Luna and him about something. When she saw Hermione she smiled, "Hi Boss. Luna said I should come over and bring the paperwork. Did I do okay?"
Taking a deep breath Hermione sat down beside Susan and with a grim smile said, "Yeah. Its fine."
"I thought that was my line." Harry quipped from the cooking area.
"Hush dear. Hermione is making a life changing event." Luna said.
"Yes dear." Harry chuckled as he slid the garlic bread into the oven.
"Does this mean Aunt Hermione is going to turn into a cat?" Celeste asked honestly.
"No dear it means Aunt Hermione will no longer be Mrs Weasley."
"Oh. So what will she be?"
"Miss Granger." Hermione said, "Although I'll always be your aunt Mione." She said patting the girl's hand.
"Oh good. Mommy said you're living with us now." Celeste chattered on again.
"Yeah. I am. Do you like that idea?"
Celeste hopped over and into Hermione's lap, "I love that idea Aunt Mione."
"Good. Now you better go sit down so I can do the paperwork with Susan."
"Okay." Celeste gave her another hug and then ran back to her seat.
Susan laughed, "That reminds me Neville wanted to know if he could get you to come talk to the seventh years for career day."
Hermione sighed, "You know I do have a secretary he is supposed to submit these things to and I though Minerva was still Headmistress."
"She is but since Flitwick retired to go back to the Goblin Warrens she made Nev her assistant." Susan thought highly of her husband and he of her. Their four children had differing opinions about their father based on if he was acting in an official role as Professor of Herbology or as dad.
"And he thought that since you'd be having dinner with me that he could circumvent the structure of bureaucracy." Hermione laughed. "What sort of Head of the DMLE are you."
"One that supports law and order but not the stranglehold of bureaucracy. Which brings me to your situation. I did the research Luna asked me to. Do you want the good news?"
"What good news?" Hermione said looking at Luna. If she was involved it could mean just about anything.
"Well under the wizarding marriage laws of 1869 which has never been repealed it is still legal for the last surviving member of a great house to have more than one wife if they have inherited the title of more than one bloodline that they are also the last surviving member of." Susan said with a grin.
"Wait. What?" Hermione shook her head to try and help translate what Susan said into something she could relate to. "Are you saying that under the law someone like OH Harry Potter-Black. Who happens to be the last Potter AND the last Black family members alive could have two wives?"
Susan laughed happily, "Exactly."
"But wait. Wouldn't Scorpius and Lupin count in the Black family?" Hermione frowned.
Susan put her professional face on, "Wow. I know you haven't looked into the inheritance laws other than to ensure that blood purity doesn't matter but I didn't think I would have to explain something to you. Scorpius is a Malfoy. He will inherit along the Malfoy line and Teddy while a great kid, is a Lupin and will inherit along that line. Since his grandfather had a brother there are other Tonks left alive to inherit along that line. So no Harry is the only one that is considered a member of the Black family for conditions of this law."
Hermione looked at Luna and Harry who was standing behind her with a very satisfied grin. "You know if I was not absolutely certain that every time-turner had been destroyed I would be suspicious over your activities this afternoon as that law almost sounds like it was written specifically for this situation."
Harry shrugged, "Well I am the chosen one so who knows. Fate likes me?" He grinned.
Hermione raised her eyebrow but shook her head laughing. "Fine I surrender. When the universe itself sends this kind of signal its time to just surrender gracefully."
Luna smiled, "Oh good, I'm glad you're seeing things sensibly."
Susan chuckled pulling folders out of her briefcase, "Okay so the only question is what kind of divorce do you want? Amicable, painful, devastating or fiendfyre?"
"Amicable will be just fine. We'll need to talk to Hugo and Rose about where they want to go and other things but I just want to split up and be done."
"Okay good. Amicable divorce, section 31 paragraph 47."
"Dinner will be in five minutes so how about you wait until afterwards. Its not very professional to submit paperwork to the Ministry covered in spaghetti sauce. Especially when we're having cannoli for dessert."
Hermione looked up at Harry and said honestly and happily, "Yes dear that sounds like an excellent idea."
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It was a year later and the re-election campaign of Minister for Magic Hermione Black, wife of Harry Potter-Black had won. She rubbed her four months pregnant belly happily having decided on one more baby not being a bad thing.
Amazingly enough the way it had worked out thanks to the Quibbler running a few articles on ancient laws and love magic the public agreed she had made the right choices. Harry was still a popular hero, she was regarded as a wise witch who followed the power of love, and Ron was regarded as a fool who threw away the best thing to happen to him in his life. Even Molly and Arthur had registered their disappointment. Ginny had actually laughed at him in public when he showed up at one of her Harpies games.
Hugo and Rose had been a little bit off put at first but once they saw their new step-mother they agreed that she had made the right move. Hugo going so far as to have his last name changed to Black to carry on the family line since they found out the baby she carried was a girl. That only increased her popularity as it meant one of the most Ancient and Noble families would not go extinct.
Harry came up and wrapped his arms around his wife, "So congratulations my dear. How do you feel?"
Hermione turned inside the circle of his arms and saw Luna grinning at her while nursing the latest Potter, a girl named Selene. She saw her children over by the buffet table chatting with Teddy, and Scorpius. She saw Neville raise his glass to her as Susan was walking with a reporter from the Prophet her way.
"I feel happy and satisfied."
"Good." Harry smiled just before he captured her lips in a kiss.
===xxx===xx(Review Responses)
kimjo2: You're welcome. Thank you for enjoying.
Dennisud: Thank you. I was watching the Twilight Zone episode Where is Everybody. When the idea for this popped into my head. Glad the inspiration showed through. Out of all three incarnations of the Zone I've seen the original is still the best.
Jadesabrexiv: Thank you. I thought the graves would be something she would do. She always seemed like a decent person who would not want to see her friends just lay out like common roadkill.
N0w5t3r: Thank you for the compliment. Yeah I usually prefer to be upbeat but sometimes a thought comes across the radar that is just too good to pass up, even if it is a bit on the grayer side of things. As for the loose threads it was all in Hermione's mind so we can chalk them up to that. Lol.
OfficerDonNZ: True there was a lot more than sheer dumb luck involved in them surviving. Kinda makes the whole theory that only Voldemort could kill him a bit more credible.
IdlemanRPG: I am only cruel to be kind. Pain gives life meaning and I want you to have a meaningful life is why... Mwahahahah!
Theonewhosalts: Thank you. I've thought about doing a story like that but can never come up with a good angle. This might get revisited at some point but the way my mind works I might go into lion taming too. Glad you enjoyed this.