AUTHOR NOTE: Harry and Hermione wake up married and have to figure out what happened over the last 48 hours.
===xxx===xx(Begin)
Harry woke up naked in bed and feeling like he had fallen off the astronomy tower and hit every gargoyle on the way down. His mouth felt like he had licked every stamp in the royal post office and put a sponge on it. One other thing he felt was a warm naked female body pressed against his side.
Having a naked female pressed against him was not an uncommon thing but this was obviously not Ginny Weasley the usual subject as the breasts were larger, the legs longer and the furry bush he felt against his thigh far thicker than hers.
Opening his eyes in confusion and fear he saw a wild tangle of wavy chestnut brown hair that looked a lot like Hermione's. As the last thing he had remembered was coming to the Burrow for her and Ron's wedding it seemed rather unlikely that he should wind up naked and in bed with her.
The female groaned and shifted. Rising to sit up on the bed they shared. Harry felt a surge of shock go through him as it was confirmed to be Hermione at that point. Her warm chocolate brown eyes flickered from his bare groin to his face then back to his groin, then down to her naked body then back to his face in shock.
"Harry! Why are you naked in my bed?" She gasped loudly then groaned as she grabbed her head. "And why does my head feel like Grawp kicked me."
"I don't know but I don't think this is your bed. I don't think this is my bed either. I have no idea what happened." He groaned trying to find his glasses. "Hey you don't happen to know where my glasses are do you?"
Hermione waved her hand "accio Harry's glasses." They flew across the room into her hand. She turned and held them out to him. This meant her right breast was briefly exposed which made Harry sigh that it was just a faint blur.
Putting his glasses on he looked around the room to see that it looked like a rather nice hotel room. There was a balcony that had bright sunlight streaming through the sliding glass doors. Harry saw sky outside so realize they were not on the ground floor.
Hermione sighed, "Well this does seem to be a hotel."
"Yeah. And we seem to be in a rather nice suite." looking around he noticed two suitcases tossed haphazardly to the side and their clothes scattered in a line from the door to the bed.
"Yeah it is. Harry are you going to just lay there?"
"Well its rather obvious we had sex, from the way I feel and the way the room smells I'd say a lot of it."
"Yeah well. I'll agree."She had let her hands fall into her lap which caused her to notice the rings on her left hand. A small diamond flanked by an emerald and a piece of topaz pressed against a single gold band that had vines delicately etched into its surface. Suspecting something she took Harry's left and hand and saw a rather solid gold band on his finger.
"Harry are we married?" She asked in a confused tone. "Because I think we got married."
Harry chuckled, "That doesn't make sense. I thought you and Ron were supposed to get married ."
"Yeah but I have this weird feeling that something happened. What's the last thing you remember?" She asked.
"Uh. Ron, Neville and I were in his room at the Burrow getting ready for the wedding. Ron was about to have a panic attack when Seamus came in with some butterbeers. He gave us each one. Then things got a bit fuzzy. What about you?" Harry sat up.
"Well I was a bit nervous. Ginny and I were getting ready with Luna when Lavender came in with some tea and biscuits. She said it would be good to take a moment to relax. The next thing I clearly remember is waking up here, next to you."
Harry got up and stretched. "Well looks like we have a bit of a mystery." He rummaged in the suitcases. Tossing one on the bed he said, "Either my clothing choices have radically changed our that one's yours."
She looked inside and found the clothes she had packed for her honeymoon with Ron. They were going to go to a small hotel on the coast of France for a few days then come back.
Harry pulled a small pouch out of the other bag. Reading a piece of paper he laughed, "Well Mrs Potter-Black. It seems that we are married." He tossed her a signed, certified and registered marriage certificate.
"oh. No. What? What happened? How did this happen?" She shook her head.
"Hey is it really that bad to be my wife?" Harry huffed unhappily.
"No. I guess. I just. I would rather have remembered it."
"Right well let's get dressed and get back home to figure this out."
===xxx===xx
The two of them cleaned and dressed separately, although they did not bother to hide their bodies any. Hermione did check and discover she was not pregnant which was a relief but also oddly enough a disappointment at the same time.
They discovered they had been in the Paradise Beach Hotel on Saint Marie in the Caribbean and had been there for the last two days. The desk clerk had been amused and asked if they had enjoyed their stay. She said the hotel hoped the two of them would come back and visit again, this time maybe seeing more of the island.
Harry and Hermione got a muggle flight back to London. Looking through their papers and seeing that it was all proper and Ministry approved. She was Hermione Potter-Black wife of Harry Potter-Black.
===xxx===xx
When they arrived back in London they went straight to Grimmould place. Entering Kreacher took their bags after greeting them as Master and Mistress. He informed them that their mail and gifts were in the lounge.
Entering the lounge they saw several packages and envelopes sitting on the table. The total number of them seemed to indicate that a lot of their friends had sent them something. All of the mail was addressed to The Potters.
"Well this one is from a photographer." Harry said handing a rather thick envelope to her.
"Well this might answer a few questions." Hermione said as she ripped the envelope open.
A note inside said that the album had been fully paid for and that if they wanted reprints to order them among the usual stuff.
The outside of the album had bright gold gilt letters proclaiming 'Our Wedding' turning the page Harry was astounded to see Hermione and himself standing side by side, mostly leaning on each other. She was holding most of a floral bouquet, it was what she was wearing though that was the shocking bit. She was wearing the corset from her dress but white lace knickers, garters and stockings along with her shoes and veil. Harry was wearing his waistcoat, trousers and suspenders. His glasses hung askew and he was grinning widely. A shirtless Neville stood next to him with a bra and knicker clad Luna beside Hermione. No one else was in the picture and it was obviously taken outside of the Burrow. Which appeared to be on fire.
"Uh Harry. Why am I in my underwear in this picture?" Hermione asked in confusion.
"I have utterly no idea. What's equally interesting is why is Luna in HER underwear." Harry wondered.
With each page they blinked at the images revealed. A shirtless Neville standing on a table apparently singing karaoke with Luna kneeling against his right leg gazing adoringly up at him while running her fingers across his abs. Ginny in her bridesmaid's dress sitting in Seamus' lap, then one of her sitting in Lavender's lap, then one of her sitting in Seamus and Lavender's laps. A picture of Minerva dowsing a flaming cake with Arthur running after George, Hermione looking happily satisfied at the cake. A picture of Luna and Neville kissing passionately. A picture of Luna and Ginny kissing. A picture of Luna and Hermione kissing. A picture of Harry and Luna kissing. A picture of Luna kissing the camera. They assumed it was Luna as she was the only one they figured would have. Each picture Luna had different articles of clothing on, not always the same one she started with.
Shutting the album Hermione pursed her lips. "I think I remember setting fire to the cake topper and it getting a little bit out of control."
"Yeah and I got the bright idea to use my tuxedo jacket to beat the flames out only they fought back. I think you used fiendfyre to do it."
Hermione put her hand to her mouth, "Oh. Oh yeah I did. Oh God! I hope everyone is okay."
"Well none of these envelopes seems to be from a solicitor or an insurance agency so we should be okay. And I think Kingsley might have sent the Auror brigade after us if it had gotten too out of control."
"Well lets finish the album there aren't too many more pages. It can't be that bad." Harry chuckled.
Picking it back up they saw the pastor with Harry and Hermione standing in front of him. Mostly dressed. Arthur, Minerva, the Minister among a lot of their friends in the crowd behind them. A few pictures of the various people assembled.
"Why are there no pictures of Ron?" Hermione asked in concern.
"Maybe he ran off." Harry suggested.
Looking at the clock Hermione grumped, "Well the studio is closed until Monday. So we can't ask them."
"We could try Lavender maybe?" Harry pointed out, "She should be home.
===xxx===xx
Soon they were seated in Lavenders nice home. She had greeted them with a hug and huge smile.
"So how was the honeymoon?"
"Uh athletic." Harry said carefully.
"Oh good. We wondered if you would make it to the port-key office or not." Lavender laughed.
"So we were making out there?" Hermione asked worriedly.
"Girl you were like a dog in heat. The two of you did this entire musical number expressing your undying love for each other and about how you had all these repressed sexual fantasies about each other and had wanted to do this since you first flew on the back of that Hippogriff. Really." Lavender enthusiastically said.
"A MUSICAL number?" Hermione expressed some grave doubts about that.
"Uh we don't exactly remember all of that." Harry admitted.
"Well you guys were smashed but you still managed to mostly get the music in time and well your dancing sort of looked like you were being hit by the cruciatus while standing on ice, but it was still really amazing. Especially the big finish with Luna and Neville joining you. I mean I don't know what you drank or smoked but you and the Longbottoms and uh why are you looking at me like that?" Lavender said seeing Harry and Hermione looking at her in confusion and stupefaction.
"The Longbottoms?" Harry said.
"Oh yeah. Neville and Luna got the justice of the peace to marry them after he did you guys. Then they consummated it right there in front of everyone. I thought Minerva was going to have a heart attack. She had to go lay down after that. Of course you two were cheering them on and almost joined in."
"Uh where was Ron or Ginny, or Molly even during all of this?" Hermione asked.
"Well Molly kinda went off in a huff when Arthur took your side in the argument you had with Ron. Especially after you beat the snot out of Ron. Ginny was throwing herself at ,well pretty much everyone. I think she came onto Bill at one point and he knocked her out with a stunner." Lavender remembered.
"Wait? I beat Ron up?" Hermione exclaimed. "Well that explains the bruised knuckles."
"Hun. You knocked him out cold then put his teeth on the floor." Lavender corrected her.
"Oh. Why would I do that?"
"Well he was bragging about how he was going to get you trained and make you a good wife. How many kids you two were going to have and all kinds of other stupid sexist crap about how he was the man and you were the wife and would take care of the house just like his mom did. Among a few other things that kinda set you off" Lavender laughed. "You heard him say all of that and came charging out of the room, You got your skirt caught on the door and ripped it off rather than slow down. Nice bush by the way."
Hermione blanched as she remembered, slightly what Lavender was saying, "Then I went off on Molly for not cutting the apron strings and making Ron stand on his own two feet."
"Yeah that was some of what you said to her." Lavender agreed.
"Were the words you smothering bitch used at any point?" Harry frowned in concentration.
"Oh yeah. You said that when she started screaming at Hermione to stop acting like a little hussy and just be a good little girl." Lavender nodded, "Quote unquote."
"Oh. Yeah. I thought I heard those words."
"Wow you guys were wasted." Lavender shook her head. " You really don't remember all of this?"
"Some of its starting to come back, a bit more of it is still rather fuzzy." Harry stated honestly.
"Well I mean I don't know much else. I was the first one to get my dress on and basically was doing stuff in and out of the room." Lavender said with a shrug.
"Uh. One last question. Where did you get the tea you brought in?" Hermione asked.
"Oh. George gave it to me. He was in the kitchen helping out with the food." Lavender said nonchalantly.
Hermione sighed, "George. Somehow I should have known he was going to be involved in this."
"You guys don't seem like you're very happy about getting married. I mean the way you were talking about each other we all thought it was some deep passionate love that you two had been keeping buried because you thought the other one didn't feel the same about you." Lavender asked incredulously.
"Well yeah. I know. I love Hermione and I just. I didn't think she loved me. I wanted her to be happy." Harry admitted morosely.
Hermione hung her head sadly, "I thought Harry hated me and didn't enjoy having me around except as a friend."
Harry took her hand, "I just never was taught how to express my feelings. The Dursleys didn't go in for displays of affection."
"Okay guys maybe you ought to go home and talk to each other. Have you done that yet?"
They both shook their heads. "We were just trying to figure out what happened first." Hermione admitted.
"Yeah well maybe you should figure out how you feel about this first. You guys are happy you're married to each other right?"
Hermione and Harry looked at each other, looked down at the hands with their fingers interlaced. Then looked back up into each other's eyes to find themselves smiling at each other.
"Yeah I'm happy." Harry said.
"So am I." Hermione sighed, "I just wish I'd remembered my wedding day is all."
"Well you'll just have to do it again." Lavender grinned, "And do it right this time."
"And keep George away from the food." Hermione growled.
Lavender bit her lip in concerned amusement but just said, "Yeah probably a good idea."
===xxx===xx
After leaving Lavender they found George in his shop. He saw the two of them coming in and grinned as he came up.
Hermione frowned at him, "I should be quite cross with you Mister."
"Yeah but you got a happy ending to the story out of this so you're not." He said with a hearty laugh. "Becky I'm going to take my friends upstairs for some tea watch the shop will you?"
The blonde perky girl near the front of the store smiled and nodded as George led them upstairs to his private quarters. She smiled at the Potters widely.
"Actually I'm not entirely certain I would accept any food or drink from you ever again."
"Oh you wound me Hermione."
"If you don't give me a good explanation for what happened I may just do so." She confirmed.
George sat down with a grin. His fake ear pointed and elfish giving him a demented hobgoblin countenance. "Ahh well you see I wanted to make sure everyone was doing this for the right reasons. You see I know Harry came from an emotionally stunted childhood, you are a uptight, repressed, proper sort of girl. And Ron, well let's just say after growing up with him I wouldn't trust his motivation for walking across the room much less getting married."
"And Ginny?" Harry asked.
"Well I love my sister but she doesn't always think things through herself. She sends her regards by the way. After the wedding she decided she didn't need to tie herself to anyone just yet and went on a trip to go find herself. Whatever that means." George shrugged. "She told me to tell you it was her and not you and hope you have a good life."
"Okay. Well that's good she has no hard feelings." Harry sighed in relief.
"No hard feelings? She hugged me and thanked me profusely for saving her from being married to the biggest hero of the wizarding world. She apparently thought about it when she woke up from Bill's stunner and left yesterday. We was all at the Burrow having a farewell party for her."
"Oh. We went to talk to lavender and then went home."
"Probably a good idea. Mum's not real pleased with you both right now. She only tolerated me because I hit her guilt buttons and can manipulate her like putty." He declared blatantly. "Dad's not sure how he feels about you guys. He's kinda happy you're together but well Ron didn't take it too well."
"Oh how badly did he take it?" Hermione asked with some trepidation.
George leaned forward and in a sad hollow voice whispered, "He took his wand and blew his head off."
Hermione gasped in horror as Harry stared at George who nodded earnestly briefly then bent over laughing great huge guffaws.
"Oh my god. You fell for it. You actually thought he would kill himself over you? Wow! Oh Merlin's balls that was. Oh you. You should have seen your face."
"YOU ASSHOLE!" Hermione started slapping him repeatedly before Harry finally pulled her off of him.
"Alright, c'mon now." Harry said flatly as he wasn't sure he shouldn't give George a few for that joke as well. "So Ron is alive and well?"
George made a raspberry noise with his lips, "Pshaw. Yeah the bumbling fool is alive and as well as he ever is. He woke up yesterday hungover as a brick and twice as dumb. When he got told what happened he looked almost as horrified as you did Hermione. But I mean he deserved it. Bragging about how he was going to get you trained up.."
Hermione interrupted, "We already knew that."
"Yeah but you didn't start punching him until he started talking about his sex life and naming names. Damn he was a man whore. Good thing Fred's dead otherwise I would have lost a bunch of coin."
"What?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Yeah Ginny gave her virginity to you Harry. Now she snogged Dean, Neville, Seamus, and Michael but she never gave it up for any of them. I had made the bet with him she would give it up before Ron but nah man. He did Lavender, he did Parvati, Fay Dunbar, Romilda Vane, Susan Bones, he even got Daphne Greengrass to give it up to him. No wonder the bugger got such horrible grades he had noo blood flow above the waist." George shook his head.
Hermione's mouth dropped open in shock then it slammed closed in a glaring scowl. She began to breath heavily as her fist clenched. "I am going to punch him into his hat. That slimy little verminous toad. He told me I was his first and that he had been saving himself for me."
"Yeah that's exactly what you screamed into his face before you started pummeling him." George enthusiastically declared with a huge grin and pointing at her.
Harry was concerned Hermione was going to storm out and find Ron but he was also concerned that if he tried to stop her she might do something unpleasant to him. He decided to distract her. "George just how did you manage to arrange all of this?"
"Oh that was some sweet potion work. Fred was the real master but I managed to take his notes and build on them. This concoction worked like a charm, maybe a little too good. It was supposed to lower your inhibitions but it sort of removed them all. It was also a compulsion to tell the truth and uh well. Ta-da!" He broadly smiled swinging his arms wide. "You may applaud now." He said awkwardly as the two Potters sat staring at him. Harry slightly annoyed and surrendering to the irrational trickster personality of George. Hermione looked like she was measuring how much pressure George's windpipe would take to crush.
"Look guys. There was no way I was going to let that wedding happen. You and Ron Hermione? Oh man no way. Ron is just too much of a smeghead to ever deserve you. Harry and you make a much better couple you know. And if I had to give a little prod to make it happen. Make you two emotionally broken and repressed and suppressed people wake up and see each other. Well it was worth it."
"You. The. I can't even begin to describe the sort of amoral, unethical. Indescribable. You. What if we had stripped naked in front of your family or done something even worse?" Hermione growled. "What if instead of pummeling Ron I killed him or something."
George shrugged unconcerned. "I figured you wouldn't. Plus like I said it was supposed to just lower your inhibitions not remove them. And as irritating as Ron is I doubted it would be enough to murder him over."
"You've lived with Ron are you certain about that?"
George shrugged, "I had faith in your ability to refrain from going that far. And I was right. You didn't kill him."
"No I didn't but he's lucky. And so are you. I am so angry right now." Hermione grumpily stated with her arms crossed over her bosom.
"Well it'll be alright. Besides you'll be okay. You got the right guy." George said leaning back. "You'll see."
Before either Harry or Hermione could reply a musical warbling tone came from her purse. Everyone was surprised briefly before Hermione began to dig in her deep purse and pulled out a small cell phone. Looking at it strangely she flipped it open and hit the button.
"Hello?" She said questioningly. Apparently the person on the other end was her mother as she began having a conversation with them. Harry and George exchanged glances but mostly sat quietly.
"Oh! Hello mum. Yes. Yes Harry and I are back in the UK now. Oh yes of course we can come by for dinner. Yes we will be wearing all of our clothes. Um. Mum that's not appropriate to answer right now. Well I'm at a friend's house. Yes we were visiting some of them. Uh no not the blonde girl with the squirrel tail dress. Right she and her husband are off somewhere else. Oh good I'm glad the rash cleared up. I'll let her know when I see her again. Right. Dinner at 6. Fully dressed yes. Of course mother. Love you too. Bye." Hermione hit the button and flipped the phone shut. She stared at it then deciding not to ask any questions she sighed and put it in her purse.
"So your parents are back from Australia? Harry asked.
"Uh yes apparently." Hermione stated. Turning back to George though she asked, "Do you know where Neville and Luna are?"
"Last I heard them say they were going to help you guys and then look in Antarctica for her Snorckacks. Either that or see the Yeti of the Himalayas. She wasn't really clear on the plans."
"Right of course. Luna with utterly no inhibitions. What could go wrong." Harry shuddered. George looked amused and Hermione just looked aghast.
===xxx===xx
Leaving the joke shop Harry and Hermione decided to have some tea at the Leaky Cauldron. They were still trying to get used to the fact they had left the Caribbean in the early morning which was almost lunch locally. They got a booth in the back area away from the main traffic flow so they could talk.
"Okay. You have a cell phone now." Harry observed casually.
"Yes apparently. And my parents are back home, because two days ago we came to them in Australia, restored their memory with Luna and Neville and then brought them back here." Hermione explained with a frown.
"So that's not a bad thing though. Although how did your dad get a rash?" Harry asked
"Apparently Luna gave him some Gurdyroot tea and he's allergic to it."
"Well lucky him." Harry shrugged with a sigh.
"Better not tell that in front of Luna until you're sure she's got her inhibitions back."
"What there are of them." Harry agreed with a chuckle.
Hermione sighed, "I wonder what her and Neville are up to? You don't suppose they got into trouble or something bad happened to them?"
"Well we have a few hours before we have to meet your parents so you want to try and see if they're at the Rookery or Neville's estate."
"Yeah we should go find out how they handled things." She agreed.
===xxx===xx
They found the two of them at Neville's estate. Luna was wearing a bright fluorescent green bra and knee length skirt. She was so happy to see the two of them that she grabbed them in a tight hug and kissed both of them on the lips.
"Uh are you okay Luna?"
"Oh yes Harry I'm perfectly fine. George's potion wore off sometime around dawn." Luna said leading the two of them into the house.
"Oh. So you're back to normal."
"I don't know if I'm normal but I am back to myself which is far better." their petite blonde friend replied. "Neville is in the greenhouses planting some of the new acquisitions."
"Oh. So you guys had a good time?"
"I believe so. I know I am still sore from all of the sex we had." Luna said sitting gingerly on a cushioned chair in the lounge. Waving at the other seats with a smile she said, "Relax, Neville will be in after he gets done."
"So you guys remember what happened?" Hermione asked. "Things are still a bit fuzzy for us."
"No not really. However we do have some of the souvenirs and a few of the law enforcement reports." Luna nodded. "Would you like some tea? I promise no Gurdyroot as I recall your bad reaction to it. Speaking of which how is your father?"
"Oh he's much better. Mum said the rash cleared up."
"Well that's good. I'll be right back with the tea." Luna said getting up and heading out. "I'll also let Neville know you're here."
Once Luna was out of the room Hermione sighed, "Okay. It sounds like they had a very good time."
Harry chuckled. "Law enforcement reports. Now that's something unexpected."
Hermione nodded her agreement. The two of them waiting quietly until Luna came back with a tray with several tea cups. Neville following her with a tray of biscuits and light sandwiches.
"So Luna tells me you guys are fuzzy on what happened too." Neville said lightly.
"Yeah what about you guys? How was your honeymoon." Harry asked.
"Well we've managed to figure out we had a lot of sex. On top of the seven highest peaks on the planet. Uh On the London Bridge, Roof of Buckingham palace. The Eiffel tower, The Great Pyramid, The back of the Sphinx, am I leaving anywhere out?"
"The desk of the President of the United States but that wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. There was a waiting line to get in." Luna pouted. "Although Mount Rushmore was interesting."
"Yeah well he does play the saxophone really well, and has some nice cigars."
"I suppose if you say so dear." Luna deferred, " His wife was disturbing. I still say she was a shrew in disguise as a human."
"Okay maybe you're right on that one thinking back."
Harry and Hermione glanced at each other in surprise at how kinky their two friends were. They wondered if they had always been that way or if this was a result of the potion.
"Oh well we won't be allowed back into the United States for a decade so its not a problem." Luna said with a shrug.
"Why won't they let you back in? For having sex on the President's desk?"
Luna shook her head, "Oh no. That was just part of the special tour for magicals. Its amazing how many people want to have sex there. The thing that made them upset was when we went to Philadelphia for steaks and they had this stupid ugly bell on display that was broken and Neville fixed it. You'd think they would have been more grateful."
Hermione just nodded slowly as Neville chuckled, "Well you also got them mad when you cleaned up that tarnished statue they had in New York harbor."
"Well if they're going to put something on display they should take care of it. Really." Luna huffed. "Which reminds me. We want the two of your to be godparents to our child." Luna said proudly patting her bare stomach.
"You're pregnant?"
"Well we had sexual relations on every continent. Multiple times, unprotected so this morning I checked and confirmed it. I'm pregnant. How about you are you pregnant?"
"Uh no. Not yet." Hermione said awkwardly.
"Oh well we should probably not swap husbands like you suggested yet then. Although if you still want to have sexual relations with me Harry I would not mind." Luna smiled coyly.
"Uh. What?" Harry said in confusion.
"When did I suggest we swap husbands?"
"After we helped you find and rescue your parents in Australia. You had planned on placing them in Brisbane but they had traveled to Brisbone a small place in the outback. At the celebration party you suggested that we swap husbands. You didn't exactly tell me why but as I think Harry is very attractive and nice I am not entirely opposed to this."
"Uh Neville you're not upset about this?" Hermione asked.
"Well you're not bad looking and if Luna's okay with it then I'm okay with it. I trust Luna's judgment. And after all its not like she wanted to be with someone disgusting or annoying or abusive." Neville said.
"Like Ron. He tried to seduce me once but I declined as he just has a horrible aura." Luna said.
"So if you knew he was that bad why didn't you say anything?" Hermione growled.
"Because I thought you wanted to be abused and cheated on. Its very difficult to understand the sexual kinks of a lot of people. Did you know that Susan Bones likes to be spanked?" Luna casually said.
Hermione sighed in frustration while Harry leaned forward, "Really?"
"Oh yes. She was telling me about it at the reception before she had sexual relations with Neville."
"You had sex with Susan?" Harry said in awe.
"Uh yeah. Her and Luna were talking after we uh, well after Luna and I consummated it I got rather popular."
"Oh yes. Susan likes to be spanked, Hannah likes to be tied down, and Cho wanted you to come over and let her sit on your face again tonight" She reminded Neville, "Unless you'd like to have dibs Hermione." Luna offered, "After all you're my best friend, and you can't get pregnant by that method."
"I thought Ginny was?" Hermione asked in a voice that showed she was confused and overwhelmed by everything going on.
"No Ginny isn't pregnant yet. At least not that I'm aware of." Luna thought for a moment, "When I last spoke to her she was crying and said she had been a bad person and needed to sort out her life. I didn't think she was that bad, especially since she let me sit on her face frequently."
Harry almost dropped his tea cup but recovered quickly, "This is good tea Luna."
"Thank you its Da Hong Pao. We picked some up when we had sex on the Great Wall of China."
Hermione stopped and looked at her tea cup, "Uh Luna this is very expensive tea?"
"Really? That might be why they got so angry at us for picking those leaves?" She asked Neville.
"No I think it was when I took the clippings for the greenhouse." He considered before admitting.
"Oh right. Well I mean it was just growing there. If its so expensive they should keep it better guarded."
Hermione made a small whimpering noise before carefully finishing her tea.
Harry cleared his throat before asking, "So uh did you have any other adventures?"
"Well according to the one ticket we repainted red square in Moscow."
"Well if they are going to advertise that something is red it should be red. I mean it was all gray and brown and black and dirty looking." Luna shrugged critically.
"Oh. Of course." Hermione said.
"Other than that we haven't discovered that we did anything else. So you guys want to stay for dinner?" Neville asked.
"Uh no. We had already planned to meet mum and dad for dinner." Hermione explained.
"Oh well tell them hello and give them our regards." Luna said.
"Right." Harry said finishing his tea. Luna gave them hugs as they left. Although she also groped Harry's groin, he declined to return the favor.
"Maybe next time then. It does seem that Hermione is not as comfortable with it as she thought she was."
"Uh maybe next time yes. I'm sorry Luna." Hermione said with a smile.
===xxx===xx
"Dinner is going to be a lot calmer I hope." Harry said.
"At this point I would not be surprised if Mum and dad joined a punk band." Hermione hung her head sighing.
"Well it can't be that bad." Harry encouraged her.
Arriving at the Granger residence in Crawley they were very pleased to see that Daniel and Emma Granger appeared to be a normal upper middle class professional couple. Dressed in reasonable casual clothes with no visible tattoos, piercings, or other unusual alterations.
Dinner conversation was light and polite. The Grangers had to reassure Hermione that they understood that she did what she thought was the best way of protecting them, that they didn't fear her or think anything bad of her. They were very happy that she and Harry were married as long as she was happy. Which Hermione confirmed she actually was.
Emma and Hermione discussed the idea of doing a wedding again, only this time not having such a chaotic situation. Hermione agreed that they would be doing so and that George would not be near the food or drinks if she had to use security trolls.
After they went back to Grimmould Harry and Hermione sighed against each other on the couch.
"You really are happy?" Harry asked worriedly.
"Yeah I am." Hermione happily said before giving her husband a deep kiss.
"So do you think we've figured everything out that happened over the last couple of days?"
Hermione thought then shrugged, "I think so. If we did forget anything else I'm sure it'll turn up eventually. Now lets go have a honeymoon night that I can remember." She purred happily.
Harry picked her up and huskily said, "Now that's a thought I can really applaud."
===xxx===xx
In the middle of the pacific a young blonde man sat in a wooden lifeboat. The boat had several runes burned into its hull, anti-apparate, muggle-repelling, anti-scrying and ones making it unplottable.
He was not alone in the boat though as a short chubby toad like woman in a pink house-dress sat sulking at the other end of the boat. There was a rainwater collection system and fishing gear but otherwise the boat had no equipment.
Draco sighed for the thousandth time in the last day, "Well this sucks."
====(Review Responses)
sparky40sw: Cool. Glad you enjoyed the story.
OfficerDonnz: yep. Felt good to do that.
Dennisud: yes indeed. The man operated on another level.
Jadesabrexiv: Thank you for the compliments. I love Luna indeed. She marches to the beat of a different flutist. And yeah I imagine Hermione's facial expression at the moment she caught them would not have been one to behold so Ron and his friend would have been quite concerned lolol. Cool. Kissing a fish gives you good luck in Appalachian folklore. Although I could see how an aquarium might not be as happy about that.
IdlemanRPG: Cool. We're working on it.