Chapter Fifty-Six

"Darling, let's get the children ready to go to the Coulters, then I'll go get Newton and Sargent and bring Sargent to you."

"Oh, no you don't…" and Elizabeth put her arms around his neck.

"Hmm?" Nathan looked puzzled.

"I'm walking with you. You, see Constable, that way, I get to hold your hand all the way to the Livery!"

"I see…actually, I like that idea very much!" and they sealed their plan with a quick kiss because Nathan had to run to catch Jack, who was playing a game all his own that involved a whole lot of running.

"Gotcha Big Guy!" and he raised Jack high almost to the ceiling and Jack exploded in giggles.

"Allie, are you ready? Bring your things and come get your coat on," called Nathan up the stairs.

Allie had gone upstairs to change from her Church clothes into more casual clothes, so she would be comfortable looking out after the boys. She had also brought a couple of books to read at the Coulters while the boys napped.

Elizabeth was bundling Jack up, but she handed him back to Nathan when she finished, so she could get her own jacket, hat, and scarf on. She had changed into her winter riding culottes earlier, the stylish navy ones Rosemary had made for her. She had paired them with a lacy white blouse and a navy cardigan over it, which she had buttoned most of the way up. She had tied her long hair up in a ponytail and wrapped a navy scarf around it, to keep it out of her way while she rode.

By now, Allie had run down the steps with her things, getting herself bundled up. And before long, the four were ready to head next door!

After the children were dropped off, Nathan and Elizabeth started their walk into town, hand in hand.

"Elizabeth, do you mind stopping at my house with me to grab a few things. I made some sandwiches before we went to Church, just in case we get hungrier later."

"Darling, you did all this?"

"It's not that much. Just some cheese, crackers, and sandwiches. Oh, and I prepped some veggies too. And chilled one bottle of wine. Red, is that okay?"

"That's perfect. Here, at least let me help get it packed…"

"Wait, we need two glasses…"

They made quick work of filling their basket and Nathan carried it to the front door.

"One last thing! Make yourself comfortable while I change into riding clothes. I promise to be quick…"

As Elizabeth waited, she thought about the strange week they had just had. And just as she had done every time the revelation had come to her mind, it made her feel queasy inside. She knew it had been worse for Nathan, but it had hit her hard too. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. She had experienced a mixture of emotion throughout the week, as she was sure so had Nathan. But, she was glad she had talked to Rosemary, because for once Rosemary had made perfect sense with her advice, and more importantly, she had offered a plan of action when Elizabeth had not been able to see one.

Why did she feel so at home in this house, like it could have been hers? Every single time she had been in this house, from the very first time, when she had helped with Allie's slumber party, to the night they had decorated the Christmas tree together, she had felt like it was her home like she belonged. And she had always been just a little sad to leave it.

Then she realized it was because it belonged to Nathan, and he already was that much a part of her.

When Nathan came down the stairs, she was still lost deep in thought.

"Elizabeth…Darling?"

When he was finally able to rouse her, she caught her breath. Nathan was standing in front of her in casual western riding clothes, including very worn jeans, a much-loved blue plaid shirt, and a blue pullover sweater that his Mother must have knitted for him. He had thrown a buckskin jacket, worn and darkened with age, across his arm, and in his right hand, he carried a matching Stetson, but not any style she had seen him ever wear.

"Nathan, you…you look stunning!" There she had gotten the word out.

He laughed, "These are my work clothes. I was raised on a Horse Ranch, you know. And you have to earn your keep!"

He reached to grab her hand and help her up, giving her a light kiss.

He walked her to the door and reached for their food hamper, and they went out to the porch together. She watched as he set the hamper down, and placed his Stetson on his head, to free his hand and lock the door. And she was mesmerized. How could he look that good in old, worn, almost shabby clothes? And that hat, oh my!

"You didn't tell me I'd be riding with my very own Cowboy!"

He just laughed again, reaching for her hand with his free one.

"Only if you'll be my very own Cowgirl!"

It was her turn to laugh, "But, I hardly think I look the part…"

"Oh, we can fix that real quick. Just takes a trip to the Ranch…"

"I would love that, Nathan! I want to meet your Mother. I want to see where you grew up."

"I want all that, too, Elizabeth," he said softly.

"You have Cowboy boots!"

"That is pretty much what you wear on a Ranch, Darling!"

"I'm amazed and I love it," and she stretched to kiss him while they were walking together.

"You're the one who looks great. Very chic riding culottes, Mrs. Thornton. Very chic, indeed!"

"Now, you're just teasing me…"

"And, if I were…"

"We'll discuss it later…"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

When they arrived at the Livery, Nathan said, "If you'll talk to me while I saddle Newton, I'll saddle Sargent for you."

"Deal," she said.

"Elizabeth, Darling. You do have to let go of my hand…"

She gave him her most adorable pouty face but finally relinquished his hand, although totally against her better judgment. Then she decided to talk to Newton the entire time Nathan was saddling him, telling funny little stories, that Nathan listened to intently.

How could any little thing she did, cause him so much joy? Nathan didn't know how, he only knew it did. She did. She made him feel resplendent with joy, just by existing.

When he finally finished with Newton, he crossed over to Sargent's stall and started saddling him.

Elizabeth followed, "I'm none too happy about leaving Newton, I'll have you know."

"But, you're going to be with Newton all afternoon, and you can see him from here. Also, you might want to give Sargent some love, since he's the one you'll be riding!"

And she started talking to Sargent in her most soothing voice, telling him they were getting ready for a lot of fun, and a really long ride with Nathan and Newton.

Nathan had noticed that Elizabeth had brought a small leather satchel with her from her house. And she attached it easily to Sargent's saddle. He was taking the Hamper with him.

With both Newton and Sargent saddled and ready to go, Nathan and Elizabeth walked their horses out of the Livery and mounted them. Nathan noticed how gracefully Elizabeth managed it.

"Where to, Darling? You pick the place."

"Follow me…"

And she was off like the wind, out of town in no time, headed in a direction Nathan knew, but he couldn't remember there being anything to see.

Nathan had caught up with her at the edge of town and they had stayed side by side. He could have overtaken her, even as fast as she had been. But he had no desire to do so.

It was a wonderful feeling for both of them to be riding side by side. They were both doing something they loved to do, and with the person they loved most in the world.

How could it be any better?

When Elizabeth finally started to slow down, Nathan fell back too and kept close to her side, still not understanding what they were doing. They were in the middle of a clearing with nothing on it.

But Elizabeth was dismounting, so he did the same. He noticed she grabbed her satchel, so he grabbed their hamper of food, and the blanket roll from Newton.

It was chilly, but not nearly as cold as it had been throughout the week. The sun was shining through the chill and that gave them enough warmth to feel comfortable.

Elizabeth led him to an old weathered log and looked up at him and smiled at him.

She looked so beautiful standing there, that he couldn't stand to not kiss her and he rushed to her, not able to touch her lips soon enough. Her cold lips warmed at the touch of his, and they melded their bodies together, breathing each other's air, feeling each other's heartbeat, and warming each other.

He spread the blanket next to the log, so they could lean their backs against it for support.

It was a beautiful piece of flat land with the mountains rising behind it.

"Darling, I want you to know everything. I want to share everything with you. I want you to know all the parts of me. The child, the teenager, the one courted, the engagement, the marriage, the birth, everything that has brought me to you. I don't want there to be unanswered questions. I want you to know anything and everything you want to know or need to know."

His eyes were troubled, "Elizabeth, no…"

But she was firm, "Yes."

And she sat next to him, their bodies touching side to side, looking out over the land. Their hands instinctively intertwined.

"I was a very pampered child in Hamilton. A real Princess, you could say. Raised with my two sisters Viola, the eldest, and Julie, the youngest. We lived in a mansion, with grounds, gardens, gazebos, stables, garages. You name it, we had it. Mother and Father still live there. They still have it. It's beautiful, don't get me wrong, and I want you to see it. But there was something stifling about it. My childhood was very happy, though. I didn't know enough for it to be otherwise. I had everything a little girl could ever want. More toys than I could use, more clothes than I could wear, everything, even jewelry. Can you imagine a child with more expensive jewelry than most adult women ever have in their lifetime? All that, yet, I was happiest on the farm belonging to my Grandmother on my Father's side. The house I told you about with the wrap around porch. The one I want for our house. The only informal spot in my young life. It was a place of comfort, love, and complete happiness, all the things I craved."

"Nathan, as I grew to my teen years, I started to feel smothered, but I tried to repress it. And, I went to college to make a difference. But when I graduated, I was offered a job, a nice cushy job at a private school. I took it and tried, but the Superintendant made advances, and I made up my mind I was never going to endure something like that again. Besides, the children there were all rich and snooty, and they didn't care a thing about learning. It was like I was either wasting my time or just teaching myself, not them."

"Then I heard about the Frontier and how badly teachers were needed, and I learned about a place called Coal Valley that needed a teacher, in fact, they wrote to me asking me to come, and crazy me, I decided, I can do that. I can go there and help those children, and I can make a difference."

"Well, I arrived by Stagecoach, one that was robbed with me on it. They stole all my money, all my jewelry, but did leave me my fancy clothes and hats. They left me on the side of the road with nothing but an empty stagecoach, my wardrobe, and no horses. I spent the night on the floor of that thing, scared out of my mind they were going to come back and hurt me or even worse."

"But somehow, I survived. And finally made it to the tiny town where I was supposed to make a difference. It was awful, Nathan. All the men, forty-seven men to be exact, had been killed in a mine explosion, which left the women and all the children I was supposed to teach absolutely heartbroken. I was not much more than a child myself and here I was supposed to teach children who had more life experience than I had. I didn't know where to begin."

"And, I hope this part is not too hard for you. But you need to know it and I need to tell it. Unknown to me, my Father had managed to get a Mountie assigned to Coal Valley to protect me. He had apparently asked for their best. And that is why you were assigned to come here six years ago. Because you were their best. But your circumstances prevented that, and here we are today, instead of six years ago."

"When you couldn't come, the Mounties assigned Jack Thornton. He was beyond furious when he found out he was only there because my Father had paid someone high up to send their best to protect his daughter. He considered me to be the 'Princess' that I suppose I was in many ways. We didn't have an easy start at all. Needless to say."

"And I should tell you I burned down the teacherage the first night in Coal Valley because I was stubborn and told everyone I knew how to build a fire and could manage quite well on my own when in reality, I had never even been around a fire. We had servants who did that sort of thing. Needless to say, the whole thing burned to the ground, along with the clothes and hats and shoes the robbers had left me. But you know what I grieved for the most. The fire took my journals I had kept since I was a little girl. Those journals were my heart and soul. They had been my escape from my perfect little world. And they told my story."

"Now, in what seemed to be a very God-forsaken place at first, with me at my lowest, owning nothing, it turned out to be just the opposite. God was there and I learned to rely on Him as I had never done so before, and I grew to have feelings inside that I had never ever experienced."

"For the first time in my young life, I was truly happy, from the inside out. I watched these children as they gave it their all and learned whatever I could put in front of them, soaking it up like sponges. I was needed for the first time in my life. And I started having something I had never had before. Self-value."

"Through all this, Jack and I had a push-pull relationship, and when we finally admitted our feelings for each other, it was an explosion of true, passionate love. I loved him as completely as I could love, as much as I knew how to love. And I did it with all my heart. I even thought he would be my only love. My single, one true love."

"But as much as Jack loved me, and I know he did, he loved the call of Service more. Even when we finally got engaged, he left just after on a Mission, a dangerous one. I stood in the middle of the street watching him ride away, leaving me, and I was almost feeling betrayed. But knowing there was nothing I could do, I had to let him go, or he would resent me forever."

"I should also tell you before us committing to court each other, and then move on to an engagement, there were a couple of obstacles in the form of other men. One was an old beau who came all the way to Hope Valley to win my heart. He appeared under the ruse of working with Lee, representing my Father in some sort of business deal, of course. His name was Charles and he was very rich. Some would even say snooty, and I'll admit his social status was very important to him. But he was a close childhood friend, who actually lived next door, and our families were very tightly connected, both in business and socially. His Father was a close business associate of my Father. You've probably figured out by now, Charles was the man my parents had chosen for me to marry. But, it was more like a contract, a merger of two families. Both of which were distasteful to me. I actually did care for him, as he had been in my life forever, but thankfully, I realized I wasn't in love with him before it was too late. Then there was this shyster who came after me with a vengeance, acting like he was completely enchanted by me, laying on the charm, but of course, all along, he was really only after my Father's money. I guess you see a pattern here of interference relative to my Father, whether it was intentional or not! Oh my, what a mess, my life was! Maybe, I haven't always had the best judgment. But those are the men who were around the periphery of my life in one way or another."

"As I mentioned before, Jack and I were together almost five years before we married. When it finally happened, it was a beautiful, perfect Wedding! Mother was in London helping Viola with her new baby and couldn't come. But surprisingly, my Father and Sister, Julie, did come. Father gave me away, too, which was a very difficult thing for him to do, as he never liked Jack and Jack never liked him. Regrettably, the friction between them never lessened."

"The night before our Wedding, there was a fire in the Church, and the entire town, along with my Father, believe it or not, came together and somehow managed to repair it enough for us to have our Wedding there. You could still smell the smoke during the Service, but everything was beautiful despite that."

"Jack and I were married for eleven days. We spent that time, our honeymoon, traveling to an Assignment he had to complete, and that turned out to be our whole married life. All eleven days of it. So, you see I know relatively nothing about being married, living together, or having a married relationship and a family together. We just didn't get the chance to have any of that."

"When I lost Jack, I literally couldn't breathe. I couldn't function. I wanted to die with him. Everything was black. Not just the clothes I wore. And then, I discovered I was pregnant, and I had to breathe, I had to learn to function again. I had to live. I was even more scared than when Jack left to go to the Northern Territories because I had no idea how to have a child, how to raise a child. And I was alone. Or so I thought then. But everyone in town rallied to help. It was unbelievable, and I know, I had more help than you did with Allie."

"The night Jack was born…" and Elizabeth had to pause.

"The night Jack was born, was a cold snowy Christmas Eve, and Abigail and Rosemary and I were in Buxton. I was ready to deliver and we shouldn't have gone, but we thought there was time, and truthfully, they were just trying to brighten my spirits by letting me tag along. I just didn't feel like I could make it through Christmas Day alone. I remember seeing a man on the Boardwalk saying to his daughter, 'Take a walk with me.' And that let me know that Jack was with me in spirit, even though he couldn't be with me for the birth. We didn't make it home. Instead, we found a little cabin on the way, and that's where Jack was born: in the middle of a snowstorm, in a tiny cabin in the woods, with Rosemary melting snow for water, and Abigail getting me through it."

"Nathan, when Jack was born, my life went from desolation to elation in a split second. I still didn't know how to be a Mother, but I had my Baby, a part of Jack and me, and now, I would make myself go on and live."

"But as the months passed, I felt more and more alone."

"And then there was you."

His arms enveloped her, and he placed her head on his chest over his heart. He stroked her hair and cherished her. She had loved him enough to bare her soul to him, to take him back through those lost six years, to make him a part of them as best she could.

"And this is the rest of me I want you to know about," she reached for the satchel and took out the book she had written and handed it to Nathan.

"You see," she continued, "This is the land Jack bought for me to build our house on. I'm keeping it for Jack, in case he wants to build a house here someday. Nathan, come look with me…"

And she took his hand and led him to the end of the log where Jack had carved their initials in a heart, on that special day, that now seemed so long ago.

She traced her hand over the carvings and looked up at Nathan, who quietly knelt beside her.

"I want you to carve our initials here alongside Jack's and mine. I want our initials here, too, so that when Little Jack, our Son, grows up, he will know all of his parents' love and he will be reminded of it every single time he sees this log."

Nathan didn't say anything, but he kissed her cheek and reached into his pocket for his knife that he always kept with him. The same knife he had used to carve and whittle tiny toys for Allie when she had been a little child.

He very carefully carved his and Elizabeth's initials, then surrounded it with a heart just as Jack had done, but he added two small hearts at the bottom, one for Allie and one for Jack.

Elizabeth then ran her hand over this fresh new carving, and they rose together.

He folded her in his arms, and then pushed back a bit, just enough for her to see his face.

"Elizabeth, my Darling. All week, this scripture came to my mind, 'For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part, but then shall I know even as also I am known. (14*) We're not going to know why as long as we're on this earth. That's out of our power. It's in God's hands. I realize that now. I don't even think we're supposed to know why. But, just like the Advent story we told the children today, we have to have faith and concentrate on the things we can do, moving forward. We can make every single minute count and we can love each other so completely that it will more than make up for those lost six years. And I vow to do just that, Elizabeth. I promise to cherish you and love you to the very best of my ability. I promise to make your future as bright as it can be. I only want you to know, had we met six years ago, my heart still would have been full of love for you. There is no way it could not have been."

"I know that. And I promise the same, my Love. That lost time tells me that we were always meant to be together. We will love and care for each other, better than we ever thought we could, and we'll fill both our present and future with so much love, that those six years will simply shrink away till they vanish completely and can no longer hurt us…"

Nathan kissed her with a passion and longing he had never known before, and she responded with the same intensity. Their kiss was instantaneous and urgent in their longing for each other. But, just for a moment, grief, for lack of a better word, welled up inside both of them within that kiss, a recognition of what would have or could have been their past, that both knew they had to acknowledge in order to heal. But, both refused to allow it to take a stronghold, and their kiss instantly changed from grief to one of pure hope.

They held each other as they stood there and smiled through their tears together.

Then Elizabeth took Nathan's hand and led him back to their blanket and hamper of food. Nathan helped her down to the blanket, and then he scooted in beside her, reaching into the basket for the bottle of wine, as Elizabeth spread out the food.

"To our Present and Future, Darling," and they toasted together, sealing it with a kiss.

They nibbled absent-mindedly on the food Nathan had so thoughtfully prepared, keeping their focus on each other, not even noticing the chill in the wind. The wine warmed them, and when they kissed again, they could each taste the sweetness of the wine from the other.

And for the first time since Jack had passed, Elizabeth was sitting on Jack's land with only contentment and happiness in her heart. And she knew it was Nathan's love that had put it there.

Nathan marveled that from this horrible revelation of loss, they had tunneled through it as a couple in less than a week, and it had brought them even closer together, leaving a palpable new aspect to their love, that only strengthened them and would allow them to move valiantly from their past and even their present to the future together they both dreamed of.

(14*) King James Bible, I Corinthians 13:12 (Public Domain)