Through Me

Author's Note: Set after The Capricorn Killer. There was a synchronicity to Liz and Ressler in that episode that I think many people picked up on. I also liked the line "She sees me, sees through me." Let's call this an odd conversation in an odd place at an odd time.

I had no idea at the time I wrote this that it would become a piece to a larger story—but after writing 2 stories around this ep it seemed like it needed to happen. I have changed a couple of things from the original to reflect the story that I'm fitting it into.

Let me know your thoughts.

RRRRRRRRRR

She lay in his bed looking at her badge that she worked so hard to get back, thrown carelessly on the floor in their exuberance to remove every last shred of clothing. Liz Keen tried not to profile herself in moments like this.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Ressler asked as he rolled toward her.

"Anger can be so exhilarating."

The words came out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about them.

"Anger about Garvey? The accomplice?" Ressler asked.

"Both," she smirked at him and shook her head.

"I think you may have drawn blood," Ressler chuckled as he looked at a scratch on his shoulder from her nails.

Although they had been doing a lot of things with each other lately, sex was new, and this was the first time they had done this. It had been aggressive, and passionate, hot, and overwhelming all at once. He had no idea why Liz chose now to 'go there' as she liked to put it. In recent weeks, since Aram's Games Night, they had undressed each other and done everything but traditional sex with each other. Ressler had not been sure when actual sex was going to happen, he'd been patient and was just enjoying whatever was going on with them. But apparently, Liz had decided, it was tonight that they were going to 'go there'.

"I'm sorry," Liz smiled at him bashfully.

"It's just a scratch," Ressler said dismissively.

She nodded.

"Hey," he said as he reached for her chin and turned her to face him more fully. "We'll bring Garvey to justice, and you'll be able to lose some of the anger about Tom's murder."

She looked at him with watery eyes.

"Psychologists would have a field day with this," she snickered.

"I'm not a psychologist," Ressler replied.

"No, you're my partner, my friend, my lover, and we're naked talking about my dead husband who I am obsessed with bringing his murderers to justice."

Ressler shrugged.

"Maybe you should talk with someone," Liz snickered.

"I hate psychologists," Ressler scoffed.

"I'm a psychologist," Liz said.

"Okay, then I'll see you because you're the only one I like," Ressler smirked at her.

"Ressler," she said as she placed a hand on his bare hip under the blankets. "It's not ethical for me to treat you."

"Why?" Ressler asked, already knowing that the circumstance of this conversation was the reason but wanting her to hear her say it anyways.

She drew a circle on his bare hip with her nail. "Uh, this, us sleeping together, that would be a license removal automatically."

"Didn't you tell me that you're obsessed with painting outside the lines?" Ressler asked. "So, diagnose me."

"I can't," Liz shook her head.

"Come on, I'm a big boy Liz," Ressler shook his head. "I may only have a Business degree but I can handle anything you throw at me."

"Do you always have relationships with women who are difficult or complicated?" Liz asked him professionally.

"Probably," he sighed.

"Probably?" Liz asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," he said honestly as he smiled at her.

She nodded; she knew it.

"Have you always used sexual release as a way to cope with your overwhelming emotions?" Ressler asked her.

"Who is analyzing who?" Liz chuckled.

"Tit, for tat," he said as he stroked down the side of her breast and then slowly dropped his hand along one of her ass cheeks.

"Not always," Liz hedged.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe it's a combination of anger and wish fulfillment…"

"Huh," he said. "So, I'm a wish fulfillment?"

She laughed. "In more ways than one."

He pulled at her hip. "How so?"

"Ressler…." Liz said, embarrassed.

He quirked an eyebrow and waggled it at her, interested. "What wish did I fulfill Keen?"

"Do you always use humor to detract from more serious conversations?" Liz asked him.

"This is a serious conversation?" Ressler chuckled.

She looked at him; he'd answered her question with a flippant answer.

"Fine," he huffed. "What serious thing do you want to talk about?"

"Us," Liz said as she met his eyes.

"What about us?" He hedged.

She sighed, looked at the ceiling the back at him.

"Ressler I can't step into this deeper until I know I've closed the door on Tom," Liz said, saying the thing that she had needed to tell him since she came back from the cabin, and they started this.

"Okay," he nodded.

"I know you…" she sighed. "I know you care for me, in a way that is deeper than just a sexual partner."

He swallowed hard and averted his eyes.

"I can handle it, Liz," he simply said.

She swallowed hard. Typical Ressler, admitting to something without really admitting to it.

"I see through you," she said softly as she stroked her fingers along his hip. "I know you want more, don't deny it."

He looked at her and said nothing.

"I'm not sure if I can ever give that to you right now," she said kindly. "Not because I don't want to. But because I'm not sure I can go there again with another man."

She saw him swallow hard.

"Maybe we should stop this, so you don't get…hurt?" Liz asked him.

She felt him shift next to her and watched as he was about to open his mouth but she interrupted before he could get a word out.

"I care for you too much to cause you pain, Ressler," Liz said as she met his eyes with her watery eyes. "If there's anyone that I could want more with, it's you. But I don't know when or…"

"You will," he said assuredly. "Liz, I see through you too."

She furrowed her brow.

"This obsession with Tom's killers? I get that," he said as he got up on an elbow and looked down at her. "I do."

She wrinkled her brow.

"But I also see a longing in you for normal, love, family, a life for Agnes that you didn't get," Ressler said. "And I know that you can see me in that life. Don't deny it."

She wiped at her one eye and sniffled as she nodded slowly.

"I may not be a psychologist, but, I know you," he said calmly. "I know that you are dealing with one thing right now, but one day, hopefully soon, that thing will be gone, and you'll then realize that there's something else you want, something else you need, and you'll know you can have it with me."

She looked away from him and wiped at her eyes again.

"So maybe you use sex to deal with your emotions and maybe I always get involved with complicated women, so what?" He chuckled. "We're here, now, together. And one day I hope there will be more. I think there will be more. And maybe I'm feeling things you aren't, or can't, yet. That's okay. All I know is that this feels as right as it can feel."

Liz looked back at him and smiled a soft watery smile.

"And I also know you're keeping something about this last case from me," Ressler said as he looked through her. "But I trust you and I trust your reasons. Just like I trust, one day, you'll get to where I am."

Liz swallowed hard and raised her head up off his pillow to kiss him soundly. He rolled on top of her and soon they were making love for the second time that night. This time slower, softer, calmer.

Liz couldn't help but think he would have made a great psychologist had he got over his hatred for them. Because whatever this was, and whatever it was to become, one thing was for sure. Ressler could see right through her.

To be continued…