A/N: Why I haven't updated can be summed up in two words: I'M PREGNANT! Yes, on purpose. Yes, I'm ecstatic. Yes, morning sickness is a lie - it's more like 'all day, I feel hungover without the benefit of the night before' sickness. No, I don't know how having a baby is going to change my already deplorable writing habits. No, I don't want to hear any laments about how this is going to further alter future updates. Also, for the handful of people who suggested that now that I'm quarantined like the rest of the world I have no excuse for not updating - I'm still lucky enough to be working from home 40+ hours a week, packing my house to move in a couple of months, preparing for my new arrival, and I'm also trying to spend as much quality one-on-one time with my husband before our lives change literally forever in a few short months. In short, pandemic or not, I have been a busy, busy, busy bee - Baby Kappa is due in late August and I don't expect my life to slow down any time soon!
That being said, thank you from the bottom of my wasted little heart for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews. Even in my dormant stretches I still check regularly and I truly appreciate all of your love! Extra thanks to the magnificent Stencil Your Heart for her beta services and for enabling and encouraging all of my ridiculous junk food pregnancy cravings!
Song title is from The Pacific OST and was a theme I listened to a lot while writing Songbirds.
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.
Chapter 6 - Torn Souls
For the hours following their momentous reunion, Sadie refused to let Steve out of her sight. The little irrational voice that took control of her mind told her that if she even so much as blinked, Steve might disappear. Normally Sadie was quite adept at chasing away the worst of her overdramatic thoughts but this time she let her concerns stand. Seeing Steve after so many years and so many turbulent events was nothing short of a dream come true and she wasn't sure she could withstand the disappointment if the entire thing turned out to be a figment of her imagination. Fortunately for her, Steve appeared just as reticent to leave her side. Sadie wasn't sure if it was for her benefit or his; the way he basked in her company reminded her that he'd walked a long and lonely road up until this point, stranded in this era without a truly familiar face to lean on. Up until their falling out they'd always gotten on quite well but there was a new level to his brotherly affection, setting her both at ease and piquing her sensitive nerves.
Sadie knew there were many tough conversations in front of them and so many issues left to resolve. She allayed her concerns by telling herself that there wasn't any rush anymore. There were no pressing missions, no orders to follow, and no wars to fight. Steve wasn't beholden to Colonel Phillips' orders and Sadie's life wasn't tied to the hospital. Without the Third Reich breathing down their necks they could both breathe easier. One step at a time, she told herself every time a dozen questions sprang to the tip of her tongue, interspersed with multiple apologies and declarations of regret.
After they both came down from the emotional high of their reunion, Steve and Sadie opened the sitting room to King T'Challa and Nakia. Between her three companions, Sadie managed to fill in more of the gaps in her timeline. For over two hours the quartet talked. Steve gave Sadie the brief rundown of discovering Bucky was still alive and the subsequent search to find him. T'Challa added his own side of the story, complementing and in certain places contradicting Secretary Ross' version of events. Through the two men Sadie learned more about Bucky's experience at HYDRA's hands, about his turbulent journey to safety, the trigger words still embedded in his mind and the effort to remove those words. She listened with bated breath, asking as many questions as came to mind about the facts, doing her best to put everything into a coherent timeline. Nakia supplemented details here and there along with providing reassurances that Bucky was in the safest place possible for his recovery and that although Princess Shuri was young, she was the most qualified person on the planet to take on the delicate task of deprogramming Bucky's mind. Sadie managed to provide a few surprises herself and Steve ate up the information she gave about the goings-on at the compound and the current state of the Accords. She told them all about Rhodey's recovery, Ross' suspicions about her and Bucky's journals.
"So, he remembers you?" Steve asked.
Sadie nodded. "Maybe not the fine details but he remembers the broad brushstrokes. There were details about our history that he couldn't have read in any history book, things that only he and I would know. He remembers a lot about you, too. There were hints of stories I'd never heard before," she explained, feeding the hungry light in Steve's eyes.
"That is good news," Nakia observed, injecting a hopeful air into the serious tension hanging over the room. "Maybe your arrival to Wakanda will be doubly welcome."
Sadie could only hope that this observation was correct. T'Challa, however, latched onto a different, more troublesome detail.
"I don't think Secretary Ross will lose interest in you any time soon, Miss Reid."
"Please call me Sadie, your majesty," she said, even as a frown played at her lips. "You're absolutely right. Both Tony and Rhodey were convinced that Ross wants to use me to find you," she looked to Steve. "And Bucky."
Nobody had an immediate answer to the problem of Secretary Ross and his newfound obsession with Sadie. Their saving grace was that he couldn't drop in on Wakanda whenever he pleased and so for the time being, Sadie was shielded from his interference and so Steve and Bucky were safe too. Sadie also felt better when Steve expressed his total lack of concern about Ross. In his mind the Secretary was just a minor annoyance, one that he'd bested multiple times in recent history. The general consensus was that they would cross those bridges when they came to them.
Their conversation continued through dinner but afterward Nakia quietly guided T'Challa away in order to give the old friends some time to themselves. Sadie trailed after Steve back into the sitting room where he retreated to the bar cart. Turning back to her, he held up a bottle of whiskey in one hand and two lowballs in the other.
"There's a nice patio on the rooftop. How about some fresh air?"
The prospect of trading the stuffy atmosphere of the consulate for the early summer night was too tempting to pass up. She gestured toward the foyer. "Lead the way."
They climbed the stairs in comfortable silence. Sadie suspected that Steve moved slower than his normal pace to accommodate her weaker body. Though she held her own quite well, her heart was pounding by the time they reached the top and she took a beat to recover. Steve pushed the door open where the glorious night beckoned to them. Tall hedges tracked the perimeter of the roof, dotted with twinkling lights that cast a cheery glow on the gravel paths that cut through pristine flowers. A trellis stretched over a portion of the roof, decorated with climbing vines and more lights. In the center of the little oasis, a fountain stood. The water gurgled in a pleasant tune that helped drown out some of the din of the surrounding city.
"Well isn't this a little slice of heaven?" She mused, passing Steve as he held the door open for her.
A few deep chairs sat beneath the trellis and near the fountain. Steve pulled two closer together and hovered uncertainly until Sadie lowered herself into one, drawing her knees up to her chest. When he settled himself into the chair next to hers she shifted her body to better face him. The silence continued as he uncorked the whiskey bottle and poured a healthy measure into each glass. She accepted hers and perched it between her fingers, suddenly feeling unsure of herself.
The hours that followed their joyous reunion allowed an idle part of her mind to dredge up bitter regrets. Sadie was now acutely aware that the last time they'd seen each other was in the church after Bucky's funeral. They'd both been dressed in their Class A's, grief-stricken and too far gone to recognize how desperately they needed one another. The Steve sitting next to her looked normal to a comical degree, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a plain gray t-shirt. She'd only ever seen him out of uniform once. Yet, in spite of his modern clothes and styled hair he was still the Steve Rogers she remembered, albeit even more serious than before. Shifting her whiskey to one hand, she propped her chin up with the other.
"You look the same," she remarked softly. "But you're not."
Steve let out a little breathless chuckle. He sobered quickly and turned the full force of his gaze on her. His eyes roved her face, taking in the persistent dark circles beneath her eyes. The deep hollows beneath her cheeks produced a deep frown of his own. Lower he tracked the trail of devastation, over the sharp angle of her jaw, where the tendons of her neck stood out when she turned one way too far, and the wells above her collar bones bared by the cut of her dress. Sadie hated that this was how he had to see her because the pain her appearance brought him was plain as day on his face from the softness of his brows to the drawn quality of his frown.
"I wish I could say the same about you."
Sadie examined the thin hand wrapped around her lowball and fought a wry smile. "Give me a couple more square meals and I'll get there."
"Sadie," Steve's soft warning called out her poor attempt at humor. "If I'd known…you have to know if I'd known you were out there I wouldn't have stopped until I found you."
This was the Steve Rogers she remembered. Sadie recalled him dwelling over the tiniest details, tragedies big and small, reviewing the details ad nauseum, searching for any way he could have saved this life or stopped that bombing. He took Gutierrez's death especially hard and couldn't even make eye contact with her for days after helping rescue her from a bombed out basement in Belgium. She expected nothing less from Steve now. Of course he would blame himself for something so entirely out of his control, for a disappearance he didn't cause and for not doing something he didn't know to do in the first place. All Sadie could really do in the face of his self-imposed punishment was to try and assuage his guilt with her own understanding.
"I know," she promised in the same soothing voice she used for struggling patients. "Though I wouldn't have blamed you if—"
"Don't," he cut her off. Sadie ignored him, determined to hash out an issue long overdue.
"I'm sorry, Steve. The things I said that day were way over the line and I regretted all of it literally seconds after you left the church. That fight was one of my greatest regrets of the entire war and I hated that I never got the chance to make things right."
"There's nothing to apologize for."
Sadie shook her head, almost indignant in the face of his dismissal. "There is," she insisted. "I told you that I wished—" even now the words wouldn't come out "—please understand that what I said came from a truly horrible dark part of me and I'd never have said it if—"
"You weren't mourning the love of your life?" He suggested. Sadie swallowed hard but nodded. A river of relief washed from him directly into her when he bridged the gap to lay a warm hand on her forearm. "I know. After I left the church I wanted to turn around and apologize but I was just too proud. I always thought after the war ended we'd have time but then I went and crash-landed in the Arctic."
"And now here we are," she murmured.
"And here we are," he repeated. Sadie sipped her whiskey and tried not to cough when the burn hit the back of her throat; it had been far too long since her last drink. "I'm sorry, too. There's a lot about that time I wish I could take back. Not a day goes by that I don't regret not going back for Bucky."
"There's no way you could have known. And sitting here ruminating on what could have been will only drive both of us crazy."
"That's a lot easier said than done."
Sadie smiled into her whiskey. "I know. But if there's one thing I learned after the war it's that chasing ghosts is a good way to lose yourself. Regardless, everything is forgiven on my end."
"Mine too."
Another period of quiet settled over them. Sadie felt as though a two hundred pound weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Yet, even without the burden of Steve's lost friendship hanging about her neck Sadie staggered beneath the combined weight and pressure of too many other problems. While the whiskey burned down her throat and settled in her stomach, Sadie's thoughts returned to Bucky, the thread that tied them together. She was almost afraid to ask but had to all the same.
"How is he?"
Steve didn't meet her gaze. "Different," he said at once with such finality that Sadie's breath caught in her chest. "I think maybe some of the old Bucky is still in there but you need to prepare yourself, Sade. He's been through so much that I don't think he's ever really going to recover."
Though Sadie expected nothing less, the words still hurt. There was a specific version of Bucky who lived on in her mind. She wasn't sure how she was going to handle seeing a Bucky who didn't light up when she walked into the room or immediately make his way to her side.
"I can't imagine," she breathed, thinking of everything she'd learned. "Though at least he's starting to remember."
"And he'll be better once Shuri gets all of that HYDRA junk out of his head but he's still pretty detached. I think he has the memories but doesn't know what to do with them."
Sadie parsed out the songbird charm from her necklace. Bucky gave her the charm shortly before the entire unit shipped out for Normandy so she had a piece of him to carry with her up the beachhead and through the exhausting days that followed. Back then they'd been stationed with a huge chunk of the invading force at Weymouth, two souls in a sea of thousands all preparing for the most momentous event of their lives. For days they'd run the gamut of training exercises and dry runs for the big day, all sandwiched in between briefing after briefing. To add insult to injury, being stationed with the general army forced Sadie and Bucky to abide by Army rules and regulations which meant that the inconsequential chevrons on Bucky's shoulders forced their relationship into hiding. They managed to find little moments slipped into the chaos of the days, sharing longing looks from across the officer's club and little touches as they passed. Every so often Bucky would find a way to pull her into one shadowy corner or another to share a passionate kiss, including the time he gave her the charm.
"You might hate the nickname, songbird, but just know that when I'm out there, every time I close my eyes I'm hearing your voice," he'd said between rushed kisses.
"You're teetering dangerously into sappy territory, buck sergeant."
Bucky smiled against her lips. "Maybe, but it's the truth. I guess we'll both have to live with a little sap."
Sadie wondered if Bucky ever heard her voice echo in his mind the way she still heard him. Letting go of Bucky took every ounce of her willpower and even then, even all those years later, Bucky's voice was the only part of him she couldn't let go.
"I still can't believe that Murphy, of all people-"
"Steve." Sadie gave a gentle shake of her head. "There's no way you could have known. We can go down that road all we want but we'll still end up here."
"You're right. I know you are. I just - you really don't remember anything that happened?"
Sadie shook her head. "I've been trying but every time I think I get somewhere, I'm just scratching at the surface." She pushed her fingers into her loose curls. "And it's so frustrating because in theory I know what happened. The marks are there and my x-rays don't lie but even with all of that information it's just-"
"A big blank?"
She deflated. "Yeah."
"I've got a plan for that. A couple of my friends are coming in tomorrow morning and one of them has a unique enhancement - she can't exactly read minds but, well, it's kind of hard to explain, to be honest. But if you're open to it, she might be able to help you figure out why you can't remember."
Sadie wrinkled her nose at the term 'enhancement.' "Is there not a better word than enhanced? It's so strange and every time I hear it I feel like it implies that I was somehow less before."
"You were anything but less before," Steve waved her off with a warm smile. "I mean, come on...when it comes to our respective methods of coping with grief you're the clear winner. I crashed a plane into a glacier and you went on to create one of the world's most influential charitable organizations. You know when I wasn't a wanted man I actually did some work with IHAP? Dum Dum's granddaughter is an outreach director and she got in touch with me. I did a few tours through some of the work sites and what you built is just amazing and-why are you smiling at me like that?"
She'd forgotten how infectious Steve's enthusiasm and personality could be. He found hope in the most unlikely places and even facing down the most daunting tasks. Just being around that fearlessness made Sadie feel braver and lighter, like she could do anything, even face her fears when it came to Bucky. She shook her head but was still beaming at him.
"It's just really, really good to see you," she explained and dropped a hand out. Steve filled it and gave her a careful, reassuring squeeze. Sadie sipped her whiskey and waggled her eyebrows humorously. "Even if you are a criminal."
Steve threw his head back and laughed. The bottle was empty by the time they went their separate ways to bed.
X X X
The next morning Nakia was waiting for Sadie at the foot of the stairs. In her hands she held what she called a tablet, another example of a computer, a term which Sadie found exasperating and fascinating in equal turns.
"Is there anything these days that isn't run by a computer?" Sadie asked as she let Nakia steer her down the main hall and through the doors into the dining room.
"No, not really. But you'll get used to it," Nakia promised even as she opened the screen with an elegant swipe of her finger. "I do not know how much T'Challa told you but Wakanda is beginning efforts into global outreach. We want to bring our technology to the most underserved communities in a bid to improve the lives of those who need it most."
"He mentioned something about outreach," said Sadie, thinking about T'Challa's desire to use her DNA to advance Wakanda's medical research with the hopes of disseminating cures to the world's most dangerous diseases. "But I didn't realize that the process was only just getting off the ground."
"We are still on the ground, which is why I am so happy that you're here. We've purchased property in an inner city neighborhood in Oakland California with the hopes of opening our first outreach center. I thought it would be easy but the local politicians are proving to be-" she paused, searching for the right word.
"Unholy pains in your backside?" Sadie suggested and Nakia's shoulders sagged in defeat.
"I did not expect a city council to wield so much power!"
Unbidden to her, the corners of Sadie's mouth rose. She followed Nakia's example and sat down at the long dining room table, taking the chair at the corner adjacent to Nakia's. "It took me over two months to convince the city council in Dresden to allow my aid team to use an old gymnasium to administer care during its first run. In order to get approval, I had to get an exception to the zoning laws which was doable but not without swaying the council. I can't tell you how many contentious meetings and stuffy dinners I had to sit through just to curry enough favor to get the votes."
"So, you're familiar with how all of this is supposed to work?" An eager note held the edge of Nakia's voice and she leaned forward slightly.
"I'm familiar with the male ego," Sadie replied with a wan smile. "And that's pretty much the same thing."
Nakia coughed to cover her laugh just when T'Challa appeared. He took in the sight of the two women sitting in close concert and raised an eyebrow. "Why do I get the feeling I will regret whatever it is you're discussing?"
"You won't. I was simply going to ask Miss Reid if I could pick her brain on how she managed to establish her organization."
"Of course you can. Though I don't know how much help I'll be. Everything's so different now."
"Not that different. As you mentioned, I am having to deal with a lot of self-important councilmen." Sadie didn't miss the special emphasis Nakia placed on 'councilmen.' "And I think you're going to be plenty helpful-clearly you did something right because IHAP continues to prosper even today. Haven't you read about it?'
Sadie shook her head. "I've been mostly cut off from the outside world until now so I only know what everyone else has told me. Steve mentioned last night that he did some volunteer work but it's still hard to believe that it's lasted this long. When I disappeared there were only three active teams."
"Remind me and I will show you just what you managed to build."
A household staff member interrupted Nakia with breakfast. The array of options presented to Sadie stunned her for a moment. Though she'd eaten well growing up, there were plenty of delicacies and exotic offerings she'd never had or even heard of until now. A servant set a platter of fruit on the table and her eyes widened at the vivid colors all arranged on one platter. The fruit, however, was just the beginning and Nakia took it upon herself to point out the various offerings, giving Sadie a brief description of the items that she then took upon herself to load up on Sadie's plate.
"Eat! And do yourself a favor and start with the Mandazi because they are my favorite."
At the compound Sadie was used to eating the bland, nutrient-packed food that the nutritionists prepared for her. The flavors were nothing new to her and she'd grown accustomed to eating unimpressive fare while living her nomadic life with IHAP. She halfway expected the trend to continue on in perpetuity but this concept was lost on the Wakandans and Sadie stared at her plate wondering how she would ever begin to eat everything without getting sick. Determined to be a good guest, Sadie started with Nakia's recommendation, taking an experimental bite from the corner of the fried confection. The flavor was unlike anything she'd ever experienced and Nakia read the change of emotions on Sadie's face with a growing grin of satisfaction.
"Told you," was all she said before turning to her own breakfast.
T'Challa sat with them and the trio ate in comfortable silence. After the heavy subjects they'd covered the night before, Sadie was happy there were no other surprises awaiting her. T'Challa read on a tablet and Nakia spent her meal asking Sadie sparse questions about the origins of IHAP. They carried on until Sadie forced herself to stop eating lest she get sick and her timing proved impeccable. Steve appeared in the doorway, looking both serious and anxious at the same time.
"They're here."
By 'they're' Steve meant Sam Wilson and Wanda Maximoff. The duo took up the front room of the consulate, both looking travel-worn and tired. Sadie followed T'Challa and Steve into the room to greet the pair and as she passed she overheard the king ask Steve a question.
"Where is Miss Romanoff?"
"Chasing down a lead on some stolen Chitauri weapons. She's following up with some contacts that won't talk to anyone but her."
None of that made any sense to Sadie and so she brushed it off for the time being. Steve made hasty introductions. Sadie was learning to hate the discomfort she associated with meeting new people. Both Sam and Wanda assessed her carefully, taking in the details of her appearance. Sam crossed his powerful arms over his chest and tipped his chin up once.
"So, how's life out of deep freeze treating you so far?"
Sadie let one eyebrow slide higher up her forehead. "Well, I'm not sleeping in a foxhole in occupied France so I suppose things could be worse."
Sam's serious demeanor broke in favor of a handsome smile that twisted Sadie's stomach in a knot. He turned toward Wanda who hovered just a few feet away. She seemed unsure of herself both in the room and among her company. At once Sadie recognized her youth in comparison to Steve and Sam and wondered how she fell into their keep. The way she crossed her arms over her chest closed herself off from everyone else, hinting at a story begging to be told.
"You know when Cap called us to meet him here, I didn't believe it. I read about you in history class when I was a kid," Sam explained and showed her to a seat on one of the sofas. "It's nice to meet an old friend of Steve's who isn't trying to kill us.
"Sam," Steve's warning saved Sadie from having to come up with a reply to such an extraordinary statement. She supposed Sam meant his comment in jest but the connotation was too breathtaking to process that. Sadie stared down at her hands and quietly wondered just how many people Bucky actually had tried to kill before he finally threw off his programming.
Steve drew Wanda over to the sofa.
"You remember last night when I told you I had an enhanced friend who might be able to help you recover your memories?" Sadie nodded. "Wanda is that friend."
Their eyes met in a measured, wary glance. The only other enhanced individual Sadie knew was Steve and she knew for a fact he didn't possess the powers to get into her head and suss out her missing memories. In the face of Sadie's initial silence, Wanda shifted her weight and drew her arms just a little tighter over her chest.
"How?" Sadie asked, taking care to keep as much skepticism out of her tone as she could.
"Wanda's abilities aren't like mine or yours." Even hearing herself grouped in the same sentence as Steve when it came to unusual qualities sounded foreign. "What she can do is more-"
"Mental," Wanda supplied. Sadie instantly recognized her accent as Eastern European though the precise country escaped her.
"Maybe you should do a demo," Sam suggested from where he reclined in one of the armchairs nearby.
All eyes fell on Wanda. She raised a hand and twisted her fingers, producing wisps of red light that undulated with the elegant movements. The light shot across the room where a vase levitated off a side table and drifted across the room, coming to rest in Wanda's hands. Sadie's jaw dropped. A pin could be heard dropping in the silence that followed. Wanda sent the vase back to its spot on the table where it didn't so much as wobble when it landed. Sadie looked between Wanda and Steve, unable to even string a sentence together in the face of such a show. Steve shrugged his broad shoulders but hazarded a grin.
"You should see what she can do with an armored car."
At Steve's praise, Wanda's stiff facade broke and she ducked her head. Her red hair hid the tiny smile that flashed across her pretty face. His praise also bolstered her confidence. Shedding her uncertainty, she came to the sofa and sank down next to Sadie.
"I can also look into other people's minds," she explained, taking care to fold her hands in her lap. "Sometimes I can see what you might not."
"Like my missing time," Sadie suggested and Wanda nodded. For a moment she said nothing and tried to process all of this new information. There was a lot to be uncertain about. Sadie considered herself something of a private person. The past few weeks of having her entire life opened up for scrutiny by complete strangers was bad enough but she wasn't sure how she felt about a total stranger using her strange gifts to dig around in her head. Then there was the other issue Sadie had been wrestling with ever since her first shower at the compound. Against her volition, her hand went around to her side where, through her pale blue dress, she felt the edges of her burn scars. Anyone who read her medical charts knew she'd been subjected to torture, that much was obvious and it begged an important question. Even if Sadie could recover her memories, did she want to? What if her mind was actively protecting her from a truth too terrible to realize? That was nothing to say of the fact that the suggested method of recovery was via a girl who couldn't be older than twenty and her quite frankly bizarre and alarming powers.
"I know it's a big ask," Steve's voice drifted into her ear. "And it's possible that we can figure it out through other ways; we think Bucky might know a little bit about it but that's not a guarantee. But this is one of the most direct ways I can think of to try and fill in the gaps."
Sadie looked to Steve. It occurred to her then that there was more riding on recovering her memories than just that. Learning what happened to her could explain how she ended up enhanced. It could help explain the extent of those enhancements and also bring closure to more than one person than just herself. She'd also considered whether Bucky could answer those questions but what would it mean to both of them if she didn't have to ask? If she didn't have to put any more burden on him than he was already carrying?
Wanda remained statue still, watching and waiting. She was quite composed for her age; Sadie wondered what occurred in the girl's life that led her down this path. A shadow clung to her eyes and Sadie supposed that Wanda's story, like far too many, was punctuated with tragedy. But Steve trusted her and Sadie learned long ago that Steve's judgments about other people were almost always right. Drawing in a breath, she shifted to face Wanda.
"Will it hurt?"
Wanda shook her head. "It might feel...unsettling, but it won't hurt."
Armed with that reassurance, Sadie settled herself and put on her best hopeful expression. "Well, then I think we have to try, don't we?"
While she tried to stay relaxed, Sadie was aware that Steve, T'Challa, and Sam all sat up a little straighter and looked a fraction more alert.
"Just shut them out," Wanda counseled.
Wanda brought both of her hands to either side of Sadie's temples, not quite touching but close enough that Sadie's nerves piqued in response. In the far edges of her peripheral vision she caught sight of little flashes of red light that sank into her skin. Wanda blinked and her eyes flashed the same shade of red. The strangest sensation filled Sadie up. At once she felt invaded, as though she were sharing her mind with someone else who delicately pushed at the edges and slipped in-between memories and a lifetime of knowledge.
"What can you find?" Sadie heard Steve but felt far away, as though he was speaking to her through water. All Sadie could really concentrate on was Wanda's presence in her mind, doing her best to be as discreet as possible as she rifled through everything packed in there.
"Green," she murmured, almost surprised by her conclusion. "Your healing abilities are everywhere, trying to finish healing the damage from cryo and everything before. The power reminds me of mine but different at the same time. Once you're healthy I think you might be able to project."
"You mean heal other people?" Steve asked.
Wanda's brows furrowed. "Maybe, but it's still too early to tell."
"What about her memories?" T'Challa sounded similarly disconnected from Sadie's reality.
Her gaze locked onto Wanda's. The women held each other in steady estimation, both focused on the task at hand. "I am looking."
And then Sadie gasped. The sound, whether it was real or not, echoed painfully between her ears, hammering on her eardrums from the inside out and reverberating through every centimeter of her skull. She felt as though someone had taken a sledgehammer to a barrier in her mind, swinging hard at a solid steel wall that refused to budge. A shock shot through her system, running all the way down her spine and splintering out to her limbs until it terminated at the tips of her fingers and toes. Every nerve in her body went haywire. The whites of her eyes showed as images flashed in rapid succession, each one garbled and half-obscured. Phantoms of sensations rocked her body, the bite of needles, burning her skin and spilling ice cold down her throat. In her ears she heard the echo of blood-curdling screams, someone yelling her name and then searing blue light filled her mind, cutting off her senses. Her mind pushed back with force, expelling Wanda out so hard it sent both women reeling backward. Sadie fell back against Steve who steadied her upper arms. Sam barely caught Wanda as she tipped sideways off the sofa. Both of them panted for air and Sadie thought her lungs might collapse inward around her pounding heart.
"It's not for nothing but that's the strangest thing I've ever experienced," Sadie managed to choke out when she recovered halfway. Immediately she touched Wanda's knee. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she promised though her hand still remained over her heart. "I'm alright."
"Uh," Sam's eyes darted between Sadie and Wanda. "What the hell just happened?"
"Your memories are there but they're hidden," Wanda paused and scrunched her nose up in confusion. "More like shielded. It's like your mind put up a shield to protect you from them. I tried to get past it but you fought back and forced me out."
"Do you think it's related to her enhancements?" T'Challa's quiet inquiry cut through the tension that followed.
"Yes. I think there is more to your powers than what everyone initially thought."
Sadie didn't find this any more comforting than she found the visions when Wanda tried to get around her apparent shield. All she knew for certain was that she didn't want anyone to try again. Eventually the adrenaline worked its way out of her system and her heart calmed itself, returning to a steady beat. Steve remained almost comically close to her, but Sadie didn't begrudge him; she was just as concerned as he was. There were too many questions with no easy answers.
"Maybe once we understand more about your abilities we can find a workaround?" Steve suggested, an optimist to the last.
Wanda tilted her head to the side, considering this option. "It's possible. For now I think that's the best course of action."
Sadie caught Steve's worried glance. He started when she gave his knee an affectionate pat. "There's no sense in getting tied up in knots just yet," she counseled though she knew him well enough to know that he would worry regardless. Looking to T'Challa, Sadie shrugged a thin shoulder. "Your Majesty, it looks as though your scientists have their work cut out for them."
T'Challa's evasive, almost amused smile surprised her but put her at ease. His reply was similarly vague but earnest.
"Shuri will be delighted."
X X X
Sam and Wanda stayed until the following morning. They spent most of their time holed up with Steve, discussing plans for their next moves. Sadie learned information in bits and pieces, picking up location names tossed out along with people she'd never heard of. The most she gleaned was that Steve and his latest comrades were hot on the trail of stolen weapons, picking right up where their old day jobs left off. Though everyone else seemed mildly surprised by Steve's turn for the lawless, Sadie wasn't fazed in the least. More than once during his tenure with the SSR Steve alluded to his rule breaking past, to taking drastic actions to get ahead. Combining those tendencies with his authority issues, Sadie couldn't say that Steve going off the reservation to pursue his own form of justice was a galloping shock.
She spent her time with Nakia, reviewing the members of the Wakandan council, names of notable landmarks, and any other little bits of information that she deemed necessary. Sadie ate her lunch with a tablet in front of her, doing as Nakia instructed and swiping through the various pictures of the council members so she could associate their faces and names. Although it wasn't imperative that she know everything cold upon arriving at her temporary home, Sadie wanted to make a good first impression. Everything boiled down to good manners and Sadie went diving into the recesses of her brain for her old southern hospitality, hoping that if she combined that with the specific customs of Wakanda that she would manage to make her entry into such a foreign society as smooth as possible.
At the very least she discovered a strong ally in Nakia. Whether it was her eagerness to pick Sadie's brain over her experiences getting IHAP up and running or sheer curiosity, Nakia couldn't have been more pleasant and easy to talk to if she tried. She seemed determined to take Sadie under her wing, excited by the prospects Sadie brought to the table but also this sign of T'Challa's sincere wish to bring Wakanda onto the global stage. Sadie understood quickly that going to Wakanda was a much bigger deal that she initially thought. Wakanda had never openly hosted an outsider before. For the country to open its borders even to her was a monumental step forward and Nakia was determined to make that first step as flawless and noteworthy as she could.
In the evening everyone convened for dinner where, once again, too many serious topics overshadowed an otherwise pleasant meal. Sadie watched and listened. Multiple sides to the same story emerged over time and the longer Sadie absorbed her surroundings, the more she understood the events of the previous two months were still reverberating through more than one community. The consequences - from Rhodey's paralysis, to Steve and Tony's falling out, to Bucky being granted asylum - were still rippling outward from the central points of conflict and would be for quite some time. Sadie wondered if there was possibly a worse time to emerge into the world than now; she often caught herself imagining how much easier the situation would have been on everyone if Steve and Tony were still on speaking terms when she was found.
But dwelling on the 'what ifs' threatened to lead Sadie down darker paths. She learned the hard way that hanging her hat on 'what if' questions was enough to drain her mentally and emotionally.
Fortunately, Sadie didn't have much time to dwell on anything except for the hours that ticked by, bringing her closer to finally arriving in Wakanda and seeing Bucky for the first time in over seven decades. To say that she was excited was something of a pitiful understatement, though if Sadie was being truly honest with herself then she would admit that her anxiety far outstripped her eagerness. Excepting certain cases in literature, nearly all couples torn asunder by death never expected to reunite. There wasn't a blueprint for how to handle reuniting with your ex-fiance after decades of forced separation and brainwashing.
Yet, for all of her concerns about seeing Bucky again, Sadie found herself uncharacteristically antsy. The morning they were due to leave she was up with the sun, double-checking that her sparse belongings were packed and she was ready to go. At Nakia's insistence several more articles of clothing now joined her initial pieces, including a pretty emerald green sleeveless dress that Nakia insisted Sadie wear for her arrival in Wakanda when the entire council would be waiting to meet her.
When it felt safe and not too early to go downstairs, Sadie made her way to the main floor only to discover that Steve, Sam, and Wanda were all awake and convened in the entrance hall. Steve beckoned Sadie to join them.
"Are you all leaving?" She asked. Her stomach twisted in a knot at the thought Steve would leave her now, so soon after patching their friendship.
But her worries were in vain, proven when he shook his head. "No, just seeing Sam and Wanda off. I'll join up with them a little later but right now I need to be in Wakanda. Shuri is going to start Bucky's deprogramming process when we get back and I promised him I'd be there. Besides, I couldn't leave you high and dry so soon after you woke up."
"Steve, you don't have to. It sounds like what you're doing is important."
"Not so important that Sam and Nat can't hold it down for a couple weeks without me. When I woke up I didn't have anyone to help me acclimate to everything. I want to make sure you don't have to go through this alone."
Sadie silently thanked her lucky stars for a friend like Steve Rogers. He left her in order to take Wanda aside to share a few more parting words. She became aware of a presence drawing closer to her. Out of the corner of her eye, Sadie caught sight of Sam Wilson shoving his hands in his pockets.
"He's just glad to have an excuse to stay somewhere with a constant supply of hot water," he joked.
A weak smile pulled at Sadie's lips. She hadn't given much thought to Steve's living conditions now that he was a wanted man. It made sense that his usual accommodations weren't plausible any longer. She supposed there were a litany of places they could hide, dives and dumps that wouldn't ask questions though that didn't make any of those places any more desirable. Still, this wasn't the first time Steve had to rough it in less than ideal conditions. Her threatened smile turned into a smirk.
"He's handled worse before, I can promise you that," she said, thinking of the half-destroyed buildings, abandoned farmhouses, and worse that the Commandos used as bases and rendezvous points during missions.
"I'm sure he has. Still, I think he's looking forward to spending some time away from all of that."
"I can't say I blame him and I am happy that he'll be there to help me find my footing."
"It's going to take a little getting used to," Sam remarked when he joined her.
"Just a little," She echoed.
"You'll figure it out. It's just like coming home from a tour of duty, only more extreme."
"You were in the service?" Sadie asked, pulling her gaze from the screen to evaluate him.
Sam nodded, one corner of his mouth drawing into a smile. "58th pararescue in the Air Force-" Sadie's brows scrunched in confusion, "It's a long story. What I'm trying to say is, treat it like you're coming home after a tour and it'll be easier."
She hadn't considered her jarring return to reality in those terms before. Yet the longer Sadie chewed the thought over, the more she realized that Sam wasn't entirely wrong. When she'd first come home Sadie couldn't get over how fast the world moved on without her. The war ended in the United States long before most of its soldiers came home and she struggled with catching up to the changes in society, style, and expectations that were so different from when she left for Europe.
"That's good advice, though I think the learning curve is a little steeper here than I'm accustomed to."
Sam's chest rose in a half-chuckle. "I'll grant you that but," he gave her a quick once-over, "you look like you're up to the task. Steve certainly thinks you are."
Over her shoulder, Sadie caught a glimpse of Steve. He rubbed the back of his neck while he listened to Wanda. Even with the leap forward in time, he'd hardly changed in her eyes. Everything Steve did had a purpose and he fit in just as easily here as he did in a dimly-lit London bunker. Sometimes she half-expected him to start giving marching orders and pull her over to review tactical maps. Having his vote of confidence, though she didn't need the validation, made her feel better nonetheless.
"I hope he's right," she murmured.
"Well, just in case you need a jump start," Sam opened his jacket and reached into the inner pocket. He produced a small black notebook. "Steve carried one of these around when I first met him. I took the liberty of starting one for you too."
Sadie took the notebook and opened the front cover to the first page. Sam's handwriting was tight and neat and went down the page in a tidy bullet-point list. Lines jumped out from the page, words and names like Elvis Presley, The Little Rock Nine, The Berlin Wall, and Troubleman Soundtrack. Though she couldn't make heads or tails of any of the references, she was taken by the gesture regardless. Sadie was reminded almost hourly of the fact that she was adrift in an uncharted sea but even this little list provided a nice jumping off point in conjunction with her voluminous history books. One phrase, however, did stand out to her quite clearly and she fought a wry smile.
"The moon landing?" She enquired.
"Yeah, you didn't hear about that yet? One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?"
"Can't say that I have. Did we-no-," she shook her head in disbelief. "How could we go to the moon?"
Sam's grin widened. "Do me a favor, look that up before you ask Steve about what happened in New York right after he thawed out." Wanda called out to him and jerked her head toward the open elevator that would take them down to the basement level. "It looks like I've got to go. It was nice meeting you; I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."
This only added to her confusion. Without another word, Sam hoisted his duffle bag on his shoulder and left her to join Wanda. Sadie whipped around to catch him before the doors closed. Wanda gave her a small wave goodbye and Sam tipped his chin up at Steve before throwing a wink her direction.
"What do you mean what happened in New York?" She called out to him as the doors closed. "What happened in New York?"
X X X
There was something alluring about the ambient light that emanated from the edges of the floor. The blue hue caught Bucky's attention and soothed the headache that threatened to blossom behind his eyes. He liked the softness the light brought to the slick edges and sharp corners of Princess Shuri's lab, easing his nerves and lulling him into a sense of security he seldom allowed himself to feel. Bucky remained vaguely aware of the motion surrounding him, of Shuri blowing around her lab like a miniature tornado, a doctor making meticulous preparations, and two nurses attending to her every need. Some part of him recognized that he should pay more attention but he was so tired of tests and hearing about his condition and the deprogramming process that he just barely noticed a nurse taking his hand in hers until he felt a cold, wet swipe across the back of his hand. The nurse started when he turned the full force of his previously vacant gaze on her.
"It is just antiseptic," she assured him in a soothing, heavily accented voice.
She inspected his hand until she found a suitable point to insert a shining needle. Bucky blinked once before he realized she'd already removed the needle, leaving a catheter behind; she'd been so smooth he didn't even feel the bite. Though he refused to acknowledge why, watching the nurse plucked a lonely heartstring, resonating a sad chord through his chest.
Bucky silenced the thought, fighting a frown. "What are you giving me?"
"We are starting with saline to flush the line and ensure you're properly hydrated," she explained.
A shadow fell across his line of sight. "After that we will administer the drugs necessary to place you into an induced coma."
Bucky scowled. "Why the coma?"
Shuri unglued her eyes from the screen in her hands. "Because in order to get the most optimal scan of your brain I need you in stasis but I can't get it when you're in cryofreeze, so this is the best option. Once you're under, I will keep you that way until after the deprogramming process is complete."
"You want to make sure I don't do anything dangerous while you're deprogramming me," he accused, scowl deepening.
When their eyes met Bucky swore he saw a glimmer of a laugh or something akin to amusement flicker across her face. "I want to make sure that you're as mentally and emotionally stable as possible," she countered in a light, pithy tone of voice that might have irritated Bucky were she not so unbelievably self-assured.
Bucky recognized there was a certain pathetic quality to his situation. That he was at his most stable when placed in an induced coma spoke volumes about his overall state. He fought another grimace while wrestling a brand new doubt back down into a cage in the pit of his stomach. What if nothing changed after Shuri removed the trigger words? Sure, he wouldn't be hapless prey to anyone smart enough to figure out the sequence of Russian but what if lifting that weight off his shoulders didn't relieve at least some of his emotional damage?
A light, playful sigh interrupted his thoughts, keeping from tipping off the ledge down another panicked spiral. "This is why the coma is necessary, Sergeant Barnes. Because in the days I've been preparing you for the deprogramming process, you can't go five minutes without staring off into space and overthinking things."
Blood swirled into his cheeks. Were his lapses in attention really so obvious?
"I just want this to work," he admitted, allowing a rare moment of vulnerability figuring that at the very least he could be honest with the person he was trusting to fix his scrambled brain.
Shuri's lips eased into a reassuring smile and she placed one of her petite hands on his bare shoulder, infusing a surprising amount of warmth into his cool skin. "Trust me, this is going to be easy. When you wake up you'll be free of HYDRA's programming."
It was this promise of freedom that ensnared Bucky in the first place. Even after HYDRA fell and he emerged from his brainwashed haze, Bucky never felt totally free. He was always looking over his shoulder every place he went, planning his escape routes almost daily and always sleeping with one eye open. The mere knowledge that he could be so easily controlled always kept him on edge, never quite able to relax even in those precious moments where he felt he'd reclaimed some semblance of normalcy. Constantly living in a state of total paranoia was exhausting and yet that anxiety followed him everywhere. To rid himself of that particular weakness would free him in ways he'd only dreamed about until now. And that relief, in and of itself, was more than worth the number of unknown risks facing him now.
"Okay. What do I have to do?"
"All you need to do is sit still while my team runs some final diagnostic tests and then you'll lay down in there." She looked over her shoulder to a shining white half-tube that didn't look dissimilar from his cryo chamber. "Once you're comfortable, we'll put you under. That bed is covered in sensors that will monitor everything from your core body temperature and heart rate to every muscle twitch you make. It will adjust in response in order to keep you in a constant state of stasis. From there I will make a digital copy of your brain and run deprogramming simulations until I've perfected my method. And after that—"
"You'll do it to me."
"Precisely."
Bucky wasn't sure if the note of absolute certainty in Shuri's voice was a good thing or cause for concern. He couldn't remember ever meeting anyone so self-assured in his entire life. Though, if his limited exposure to her wondrous inventions was any measure, she had every right to be confident. Plus, there was something about her infectious optimism that rang a distant bell. Shuri reminded him of someone from his past but everytime Rebecca's name sprang to the tip of his tongue he second-guessed himself, uncertain if he was remembering his sister as she truly was or how he so desperately wanted her to be.
"And there you go again - what is with the thousand-yard stare?" Shuri rolled her eyes as she turned away from him to set her tablet down.
"It's nothing," he retorted.
"Sure it's not," she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning her hip against the counter next to his stool. Bucky found he wanted to look anywhere but at Shuri. Though he was beyond grateful that she'd agreed to undertake his deprogramming, there were times when he couldn't quite tell if she was doing it for purely altruistic purposes. There was always a certain level of hunger shining in her eyes and clinging to her voice. He supposed that she was like every other genius he'd encountered, always scrambling for the next breakthrough and in possession of a voracious appetite for whatever was new and unknown. And as far as Bucky could tell there was only a wafer thin line of morality preventing any good genius from giving into the darkest impulses all in the name of science. But looking at Shuri, all of sixteen years old, it was hard to imagine her falling prey to her own mind, especially when she took such immense pleasure out of disparaging him every chance she got.
Bucky let his gaze drift past her to the waiting bed. His throat tightened when he considered his own deepest desires warring with his anxieties. "How long will it take?"
"As long as it takes," she mused and though Bucky refused to meet her eye he still felt her piercing gaze on him. "I will not know until I can actually start running simulations. Why, do you have somewhere better to be?"
Bucky blinked. Buried between the lines of Shuri's playful tone was a serious question. This time two months ago he would have said yes even if that other place was chasing down repeated dead ends with no more concrete information than mere wisps he'd cobbled together through a variety of sources. But that was then, before Vienna, before Zemo, Germany, Siberia, and the awful fights in-between. Back then chasing a spectre felt like the most important thing he could be doing but that was also before King T'Challa gave him hope.
His lips pulled into a weak smile. "No, I've got nowhere else to go."
"Good, because you can't back out on me now. The amount of data I will get from mapping and mining your brain could jump-start a dozen projects I've only dreamed of initiating until now."
"Sounds like a good outcome for you," he noted.
"It will be a good outcome for both of us."
Bucky nodded and moved his hand for the smooth-handed nurse to remove the line from the saline bag. At Shuri's direction he crossed the room and laid down. The mattress sculpted to his body at once, cool and soft. On either side of him the sides of the bed curved around him and flickered to life, sending rays of blue light from the sensors washing over him, recording every metric imaginable. The nurse fed a new IV line through a port in the side and then took great care in attaching it to the catheter.
Shuri appeared, tablet latched to her hand once more. "Just relax," she smiled down at him. "This is going to be a walk through the savannah."
"That's not how the saying goes where I'm from," he muttered.
Her grin widened. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Sergeant, but you are a long way from home."
Nobody needed to tell him twice. "It's Bucky."
"Close your eyes," she directed just as the medicine hit his veins. Almost immediately he began to feel drowsy. His body reflexively tried to fight the urge to go under but already his eyelids felt like ten pound weights, dragging him down. "I will see you on the other side."
Bucky muttered something incoherent and the last thing he could recall before sinking into sleep was wishing that Steve had made it back in time to see him off.
X X X
Sadie couldn't decide the best part of the view from her room. Perhaps it was the large balcony that jutted out from the common area outside of her bedroom, overlooking the palace below her which consisted of multiple levels made of shining marble, crafted with meticulous detail and dotted with vivid green terraces and crystal blue pools. But then she couldn't take her eyes off the city skyline. Not even modern New York City could hold a candle to the splendor of Wakanda's capital. Sadie couldn't make sense of the wild architecture, of the unique curves to the buildings, the shining spires, the shimmering glass and the way the entire city wove together to create a nexus that hummed with life but didn't seem even remotely out of place with the nature encroaching on all sides. She thought that the city must have been planned with that in mind, a perfect melding of organized and wild that was so busy she never knew where to look. But as she raised her eyes above the buildings and drank in the glorious morning, Sadie decided that the best part of her view was the clear blue sky that reached down to kiss the tops of the trees and shattered over the water that flowed along one side of the city. Everywhere she looked, nature crept into the view and each breath she took filled her lungs with clean air that did almost as much to bolster her spirits and body as the breakfast she'd finished moments earlier.
Behind her, Steve milled about in the common area, bouncing from one task to another. She wasn't sure who he was talking to on his phone but she could tell that whatever was going on, it was serious business. Rather than try to absorb more information, she retreated to the view while she waited for King T'Challa to come for her as promised.
"Nat's sure she can get us an in?" Steve's voice reached her as he paced past the open door.
Sadie fought the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't ever sure there was a period in Steve's life when he wasn't working himself to the bone. Forcing herself to focus on anything else, she picked out a lone cyclist on the street below, weaving between the traffic. A little life story bloomed into her head while she watched the tiny bike grow smaller and smaller.
"Well, just be careful. We've seen what those Chitauri weapons can do and I don't want you all getting caught in the crossfire."
Now there was an amusing statement if Sadie ever heard one. Steve was a strange combination of daredevil and mother hen: always ready to leap into the fray, his own well-being be damned but hesitant to risk anyone else if he didn't have to.
His shadow fell long over the balcony. "Alright, keep me posted." Sadie glanced over her shoulder when she heard him say goodbye. An apologetic smile tugged at his lips and his shoulder sagged. "Sorry. When I left the Avengers I thought I'd get a break from all of the team coordination but I guess I was wrong."
"Well you know what they say," she teased as he joined her.
"There's no rest for the wicked?" He suggested before she could finish her thought.
"I was going to say something about once a leader always a leader but I like yours better."
Steve slumped against the railing, resting his forearms on the wide marble topper. Without much thought she reached out and gave his shoulder a light squeeze before rubbing her palm over the tense muscle in circles. "How are you doing?"
"I'm alright. It's hard to be upset with a view like this."
"It never gets old."
"Do you ever get used to it?" She asked in a soft voice. "To all of the changes and feeling like you're always going to be a little bit behind? Or a lot, in my case?"
Steve continued to drink in the morning. "It takes a while but you'll catch up. One day you're gonna wake up and realize you've adjusted without even really noticing. Or at least that's how it worked for me."
"I hope so. I thought everything at the Avengers compound was advanced but it feels like child's play compared to Wakanda," she said, thinking of the flight they took from New York. T'Challa brought her to the front of the jet so she could look through the windows when they descended on the city. At first she'd been terrified they would crash as Okoye took the jet so low it looked as though they would plow into the trees before they pierced an illusion, passing through a rippling blue barrier that revealed the capitol in all its glory. From there her evening was a dizzying rush of formal greetings, faces and names she would struggle to remember, and a dinner so sumptuous and filling that she was asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
Now she waited for T'Challa to retrieve her so she could tour Wakanda's research facilities and meet the famed Shuri, who missed the previous evening's festivities due to another research project. Although her welcome couldn't have been warmer, Sadie still felt jittery at the prospect of meeting yet another royal. Would Shuri be as kind and inviting as her mother? Sadie hoped so; after all, Shuri was set to oversee Sadie's evaluation.
Of course, there was another reason the thought of touring Shuri's labs set Sadie on edge.
"Do you know if he'll be there?"
Steve squinted up into the morning sun. He nodded. "But I doubt you'll see him today. I know Shuri doesn't want to rock the boat right before she deprograms him."
Sadie bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. "I still can't believe this is real. I'm not sure I'll really believe it until I see him for myself."
"You're lucky you get time to adjust. The first time I saw Bucky was in the middle of a fight. At first I thought there was no way but - when you've seen some of the things I've seen, I just knew."
"I can't imagine," she whispered. "But you saved him and that's what matters the most."
"We saved each other," Steve noted but even then, he didn't sound convinced of his own words. "I'll feel better after Shuri gets all that junk out of his head."
Sadie let her comforting touch slide down to his forearm. "I can tell you it's not your fault all I want but it's not going to make a difference, is it?"
"Not really."
"I wish it would."
Steve bowed his head. At once Sadie could see the difference a few years and too much knowledge made. Despite standing mere inches from her, Sadie thought he was further away than ever. She hated that he spent so much time struggling alone, without the benefit of anyone who really understood.
She was saved from having to say anything further by T'Challa's arrival. Sadie hoped that Steve would be able to step away from his other obligations long enough to accompany them but his phone rang and she left with his promise that they would meet up afterward. And so she followed the young king out of the palace and to a waiting hovercraft, or at least that's how he explained it to her. The open vehicle zoomed over the city streets, taking a path around to the backside of the palace and a stretch of open land that sloped downward into dense jungle before sheer cliff faces jutted up, blanketed with crawling vines and there, built directly into the side of the cliff, was a shining building. T'Challa's attendant landed the craft on a platform at the very top and she followed him onto a lift that took them down.
"I fear I must apologize beforehand, Miss Reid. My sister can be-" T'Challa paused, searching for the best word. "Over enthusiastic."
"I don't mind a little enthusiasm," Sadie assured him, though she had to clasp her hands behind the back of her pale blue dress to keep from wringing her fingers.
The lift doors opened to a shining, sleek room filled with white furniture and pieces of technology that Sadie couldn't hope to name. T'Challa indicated for Sadie to follow and she did, down the short entryway and into the open room where he turned in the direction of a set of large screens and the young woman standing before them.
"Ah, brother! Your timing is excellent; we've only just put him under" She exclaimed from where she used her hands to rotate an image on one screen. Her deep brown eyes shone with curiosity, flickering from one screen to another, to a large white tube several feet away, to Sadie herself who felt increasingly uncertain about her bright, sterile surroundings. The light in the laboratory bathed her skin in a white glow that highlighted the scars on her hands and irritated her eyes in a strange way. Sadie blinked several times to try and acclimate to the change, feeling more and more like a simpleton by the passing second.
T'Challa gestured for Sadie to approach the young woman who turned her fleeting attention back to Sadie and this time her eyes widened in recognition. "Shuri, this is Miss Sadie Reid. Miss Reid, I'd like you to meet my sister, Shuri. She is in charge of your evaluation and also Sergeant Barnes' recovery."
If there were a human equivalent to sunshine, then surely the Princess of Wakanda was it. Her beautiful face lit up in a bright smile as she first traded the traditional Wakandan greeting with her brother before sticking her hand out to Sadie.
"It's nice to finally meet a foreigner I don't have to fix!" She pronounced over T'Challa's embarrassed groan and Sadie's own relieved, shocked laugh. Shuri set Sadie at immediate ease though she had no idea how someone so young was capable of so much. "Ignore my brother, he thinks I have no filter."
"I know you have no filter," T'Challa groused under his breath but relinquished Sadie to Shuri's welcoming control all the same. "What are you working on?"
"Phase one of broken white boy rehabilitation," she explained and gestured to the screens. "Right now the computer is taking scans and is rendering a working digital copy of Sergeant Barnes' brain." She pointed to a large round object on the nearest counter that was constantly shifting and refreshing itself, slowly creating an image of what appeared to be a human brain. "Once the copy is complete then I can begin running my algorithm to isolate the portions of Sergeant Barnes' brain that house the memories connected to his trigger words."
Sadie froze. At first she thought perhaps she'd made up Shuri's explanation out of some strange desperation but Sadie barely understood what Shuri was saying. That was when she took a good look at the information displayed on one of the screens. There, in large, crisp letters was Bucky's name and beneath that, an entire battery of data. A handful of numbers made sense to her: core body temperature, blood pressure, and heart rate but there was so much else on display she didn't understand. All she could really tell was that, aside from the fact Bucky's temperature ran a fraction warm, he was being closely monitored. Her eyes widened. Slowly, as though afraid of the truth, she turned her attention back to the white object a few feet away, just the right size and length for a person.
Everything else faded into nothing. Shuri's frenetic movements, T'Challa's questions, and all of the technology grew fuzzier the longer she stared at the tube. Sadie's heart pounded so hard against her breastbone that she became short of breath. She groped at her chest until her hand closed over her necklace, rubbing her father's wedding ring in a vain attempt to calm herself down. She couldn't see into the tube to see its occupant but that didn't matter. Because she knew. For the first time in over seventy years she was mere steps away from Bucky.
Shuri continued on in her lengthy description of her work but each word slipped into one of Sadie's ears and right out the other.
"Miss Reid?" T'Challa's voice was low and concerned.
Deep, deep down in the corner of her brain where she stored information on manners and propriety, Sadie knew that pointedly ignoring the king constituted rudeness of the highest degree. But she just didn't care about that at the moment. Sadie turned all the way away from the monitors to the tube and uprooted one trembling foot followed by another, taking the six steps necessary to peer over the glass cover of the tube.
A shaking hand shot to cover her mouth and Sadie squeezed her eyes shut to quell the urge to break down sobbing. Nonetheless, tears sprang to her lower eyelids and spilled onto her cheeks anyway, coming down thick and fast, dripping off her chin and onto her dress. Bouts of shivers rocked her body in waves, worsening when she opened her eyes once more to look down at the perfectly still, wonderfully familiar face in a state of peaceful sleep. There were unfamiliar elements to Bucky; she'd never seen him with a beard and his long hair fanned out around his head. But the sharp angle of his jaw remained the same, just as his eyelashes brushed his hollowed cheeks and his full mouth drew in a straight line. Even with the differences, Bucky's face was one she would know anywhere, one that she loved without reservation even now, even when he had no idea that she stood next to him.
"Sadie?"
"I-" her voice broke off because for a minute she wasn't in the middle of Shuri's lab in Africa.
No, Sadie stood in the middle of a snowy clearing in Austria, watching her comrades and friends come back downtrodden and unable to look at her. Even now she acutely remembered examining each face until she realized the one she wanted to see the most wasn't there and her entire world imploded. The memory of hearing that Bucky died was enough to drop her to her knees. Seeing him now, alive after all of these years and the monumental heartbreak of losing him, had the same effect. Without warning, Sadie collapsed and buried her face in her hands, sobbing softly into them while she tried to make sense of the echoing hole in her heart that Bucky's supposed death created. How many times had she caught herself wishing to see his face just one more time? To reach out and brush her fingers along his jaw and to watch his lips pull into a wicked grin right before he said something off-color or obnoxious? Sadie longed to wake to see his skin bathed in silvery moonlight, to hear him grumble into her hair when he rolled over to pull her against his chest. Her body lurched forward and she threw a hand out, planting it firmly on the floor to hold herself up while she continued to cry, unable and unwilling to stop.
In a flash it all came out, all of the longing and the years of grief that stole the joy from her life and left her staring out at the bleak decades alone. Soft sobs came out of her in a constant stream, each one of them for the future never realized and also for the realization that a different future still might be. Sadie cried for Bucky's death, for the visceral ache that was her constant companion and she sobbed because after all of it, he endured; he was still alive and somewhere in the near future he would wake and they would finally come face-to-face after all these years.
T'Challa knelt down next to her. "This was too much. I should not have brought you here."
"No," she replied thickly, wishing she had a smile or something more reassuring to drum up. Swallowing hard she tried to sit up, guided in part by T'Challa who had a firm grip on her arm. "This would be overwhelming no matter what. I thought-I just thought I would never see him again."
She dissolved all over again. If she had her wits about her, Sadie would have had the good grace to be mortified over her emotional breakdown. But neither T'Challa nor Shuri seemed particularly concerned by her outburst. Nimble fingers reached for the necklace hanging from her dress. Shuri parsed the engagement ring apart from the others.
"He won't be out long. After that I think you can help me with his rehabilitation."
Sadie nodded, finally able to support herself so she could try and put herself back together. She wiped her fingers beneath her eyes, catching the last of her tears. "This is ridiculous, I'm a grown woman," she muttered to herself. "I'm so sorry."
"There is nothing to apologize for," T'Challa promised her and offered a hand to help her back to her feet.
Sadie wasn't sure she agreed but she wasn't about to fight him or spit in the face of his graciousness. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest, drawing herself up in preparation to look down on Bucky's sleeping form once more. The sight still took her breath away but this time she could focus on other details she missed before. Dark circles bruised the undersides of his eyes and he was paler than she remembered. Bucky had always been a strong individual, made up of defined muscle but he was larger than before, another side-effect of HYDRA she was certain. Sadie followed the line of his right arm, folded to rest over his torso and so his IV was easily accessible. But when she went to inspect the rest of him she started. Sadie knew he'd lost his left arm but knowing and seeing were two completely different things. Her heart skipped a beat. Leaning further over the glass, her mouth opened in soft surprise, inspecting the black cap stretched over the stump just barely jutting off his shoulder and the shining metal that extended from beneath. His tank covered the majority of the metal base plate but a line of scar tissue was visible, marking the place where metal met flesh. A shiver ripped down Sadie's spine. She couldn't grasp the technology that made this type of prosthetic possible but there was a small part of her that was grateful he didn't have the metal arm so famously highlighted in his dossiers.
"It doesn't seem real," she whispered, ghosting her fingers over the glass as though maybe he could feel her longing to stroke his cheek through the barrier. "After all this time-back then I would have given anything to see him one last time. I never thought it would be like this."
Nobody seemed to know what to say in response and that suited Sadie fine. The longer she examined Bucky's face the easier she picked out familiar details. A spark went off in her chest, lighting a long-dormant ember that started to burn bright. Sadie's lips curved into a small smile; after weeks of stumbling around in the unknown, she felt warmth filling her up to the brim. Suddenly she didn't feel quite so lost anymore because an old, wonderfully familiar feeling crept back into her body. Despite being a woman out of her own time, standing in the middle of what she assumed was the most technologically advanced laboratory in the world, Sadie felt belonging. The gamble she'd taken to come to Wakanda paid off because she was where she was supposed to be, where she'd been designed to be - at Bucky's side.
At long last the ember burst into blazing flame. It melted the ice surrounding her heart and, for now, chased away the memory of that frigid afternoon when her entire world changed. Ever since Sadie emerged into this strange, frightening new world she'd been searching for a feeling she couldn't name. That feeling came to her now, burning bright and fortifying her for the journey to come.
As Sadie smiled down at Bucky, she felt hope.
A/N: Probably not the reunion you were expecting but let's be real, are you really that surprised?. Next chapter tackles deprogramming!
Amazed I actually updated? Relieved Sadie and Steve are besties again? Hit in the feels by the ending? I'd love to read any and all thoughts! - Much love, Kappa.