A/N: Greetings from my busy, busy, busy corner of the world! So, I get that these chapters aren't the most exciting but the action is coming, I promise! Also, I have only watched the first two episodes of TF&TWS so please, for my sake and anyone else who hasn't watched it, please keep any comments/reviews spoiler-free!
Thank you so much for the follows, favorites, and reviews. Right now it's easy to lose myself to a million other distractions so knowing you're still reading always motivates me to come back. Extra thanks to my beta-extraordinaire Stencil Your Heart, who never minds when I start our text conversations in the middle of the conversation.
Disclaimer – I don't own Marvel because if I did there are some things I'd like to change.
Chapter Ten – Leave Me Here
A week after Steve left, Sadie found herself sitting on a white stool in Shuri's lab. She tugged uncomfortably at the loose neck of the exam gown she wore, feeling strangely exposed despite the gown completely covering her. The sheer size of Shuri's lab and the massive windows looking out into the Vibranium mine had something to do with it. Sadie felt as though anyone could peer in to take a gander at Shuri's latest albino lab rat. She didn't want to be a curiosity or something to be gawked at but she figured the ship had long since sailed on that. Anyone who could do what she could was bound to be treated as such.
Sadie was expecting Shuri to be her usual perky self. The young princess was even more of an oddity to Sadie than all of the advanced technology surrounding her. She'd never met anyone that smart, that capable, and that young all wrapped into one effervescent package. But this morning, Shuri was behaving much closer to what Sadie would expect of a normal sixteen year old.
She kept sipping from her cup of coffee, a latte made with a touch of sheep's milk, which apparently was all the rage in Wakanda right now. In between the attention she gave her coffee, she mumbled under her breath while she worked, calibrating an array of instruments and double-checking several screens' worth of information. Sadie couldn't hear the subject of Shuri's woes, though she wouldn't ask; that was none of her business unless Shuri decided to share. Yes, this grumpy, pouting version of Shuri was more of what Sadie would expect from anyone her age. Though, if she was being honest, she much preferred the bouncing ball of sunshine to the dour rain cloud.
Rather than poke the bear directly, Sadie opted for a more diplomatic route. "Princess Shuri? If you'd prefer to begin my evaluation another morning, I'm sure that can be arranged."
"What?" Shuri blinked at her a couple of times before she caught up. Waving her off, she continued on with her work. "Don't be ridiculous. I've had to put this off twice already. And how many times do I have to tell you - you can skip the 'princess' crap."
Oh yeah, she was definitely sixteen alright.
"Okay, I just wanted to make sure. You seem…" Sadie broke off, unsure of what word would approximate her foul mood without directly calling her out.
"Pissed?" Shuri suggested, far too innocently for her own good.
Sadie's eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline. "I was going to say out of sorts but sure, we'll go with that."
Shuri set down her tablet and fixed Sadie with an intense stare. Her lips parted once and she debated something to herself before she let out a frustrated groan and smacked a hand on the countertop next to Sadie.
"I don't like going out of my way to do nice things for other people who don't seem to care."
Sadie raised a delicate hand to cover her smile. "Bucky still stonewalling you?"
"He's infuriating!" Shuri announced, whirling around on her rotating stool so fast that she spun a rotation too far. "My plans for his new arm are incredible, they'll blow that piece of HYDRA junk right off the savannah but does he want it? Nooooo. Does he have a reasonable explanation for why? Nooooo. I don't get it. I'm the best nanotech engineer in the world and I am an expert in vibranium manipulation. What more could he want?"
The temptation to suggest that maybe Bucky wanted to be left alone was almost too strong. Sadie remembered right before she opened her mouth that despite Shuri's insistence on informality, she was still addressing royalty.
"If it makes you feel any better, the Bucky I knew nearly always had a good reason for everything he did. Maybe he's not sharing it with you but I doubt he'd refuse your kindness just because."
"It doesn't make me feel better," Shuri pouted and then sighed, deflating a little bit on her stool. "But thank you for trying."
"Always happy to help. Now then, are you going to explain to me why I'm dressed like this?" Sadie gestured to the examination gown.
The reminder that she had a new, willing test subject pulled Shuri out of her state of ennui. Popping off her stool she reached out and grasped Sadie's wrist, pulling her up and across the lab to a small raised platform set directly beneath a large black object that hung overhead rather ominously. A temporary rail encircled the platform and a thick white curtain hung from it.
"In order to begin really investigating your enhancements in earnest, we need to start with the foundation of your power which is in your body. So I'm going to take a handful of full-body scans and a few samples."
"Samples?" Sadie enquired, raising a suspicious eyebrow.
"Nothing major, just some epithelial cells from your cheek and a blood sample. If I need anything else, I will tell you. Everyone knows the secret to unravelling your enhancements is in your DNA . It will be a race to see who figures you out first and I intend to win."
Sadie's insides squirmed. She didn't like the idea that she was capable of being broken down to her base materials, as though in the face of her enhancements the woman possessing them seemed to vanish into obscurity. Reducing her to nothing more than a finish line wasn't just uncomfortable but it was also downright demeaning. She fought a frown and searched for a way to voice her concerns that didn't come off as berating.
"Isn't it more important to determine if and how my genetic makeup could be used to advance medical research?"
Shuri blinked owlishly at her. The way she slightly cocked her head to the side, brows knitting together in confusion might have amused Sadie if the subject matter weren't so personal. Sadie shifted uncomfortably, feeling more naked because of her scrutinizing gaze than the flimsy gown covering her modesty. She thought Shuri viewed her as more than a science experiment but what if she didn't? What if her unquenchable drive to win the knowledge war caused her to toss Sadie aside as nothing more than scientific collateral? But then, as she examined the growing worry on Sadie's face, she finally realized her misstep. The fact that she had the good grace to recognize her mistake was apology enough for Sadie, which, incidentally, was about as much apology as she was going to get.
"You're right, of course. But in order to get to that step we have to break down your DNA and isolate which of your genes have been altered. So I'll be comparing it to control samples of unaltered DNA along with the sample Captain Rogers graciously provided and, if I'm lucky, Sergeant Barnes will let me tap his vein too."
Although Sadie knew she shouldn't have been surprised, she was still taken aback by Shuri's enthusiasm. Multiple people warned her that the young scientist had an insatiable personality. The opportunity to study three related but distinct anomalies was probably too good to pass up. Though Sadie wasn't the least bit surprised that Steve happily handed over a vial or two, she wasn't sure Bucky would be so willing. After all, Steve volunteered to become a super soldier and happily took up the Captain America mantle. Bucky began his journey in a dank lab north of the Italian border, in isolation with only Arnim Zola for company. Every wretched thing that happened to him afterward was similarly against his volition and Sadie, if she were standing in Bucky's place, wouldn't give any more than absolutely necessary at this point. She didn't blame him for not wanting a new prosthetic any more than she blamed him for his continued withdrawal from the greater world. If he didn't want to stick out his arm in the name of science, even in the name of unravelling her enhancements, she would support his decision until the bitter end.
But there was no point in announcing all of this to Shuri now. Those were nuanced arguments she wasn't yet ready to hear, if she ever would be. Her youth was an obstacle to her understanding. In Shuri's wide, sheltered eyes, there was nothing more important than progress, not even self-preservation.
Instead of bothering with convincing Shuri to let sleeping dogs - or in this case, Bucky - lie, Sadie happily took on the mantle of lab rat. She stepped out of the soft white slippers and onto the cool platform. After Shuri drew the curtain, she stuck her hand around one side and Sadie peeled off the hospital gown and handed it to her. Even behind the thick curtain, obscuring her naked body from anyone who might happen by, Sadie felt as though she were standing center stage at Carnegie Hall. The cool air wound around her chest and torso and she had to stop herself from nervously trying to smooth away all of her imperfections.
"I will need you to hold still," Shuri ordered, her voice sounding far away.
Sadie sucked in a deep breath but did as she was asked, trying not to think about what she was doing. She tried to detach herself from the process by tricking herself into believing that all of the numbers Shuri rattled off were about someone else - her height, her weight, her pulse, her everything.
"You know, you've recovered quite well. I doubt it will be another month before you've reached a healthy weight and all of your other vitals are within normal range."
"That's good to hear. I feel much better."
"You should. Now take a deep breath and hold it on my count. I'm going to take the first scan. One - two - hold."
Sadie did as asked and felt her body go stone still in response. All she felt or heard was the hammer of her heart in her chest. A series of bright, wavy blue lights cascaded over her body, sweeping downward from the top of her head to the platform which similarly lit up blue, even taking a scan of the bottom of her feet. A slight shudder unsettled her spine and she was glad to exhale when Shuri gave the all-clear.
"Perfect. I just want to take a few more."
Three more scans later and Sadie emerged from the curtain, ensuring her hospital gown properly covered her as she returned to the stool. A nurse awaited her and made quick work of taking the necessary samples. Sadie privately admired the nurse's technique, so smooth and sure that she barely felt the needle's bite and before she knew it the nurse had the three collection vials she needed. A sharp pang of jealousy needled at her stomach. There was a time when Sadie could treat patients with the same amount of ease and grace. A growing part of her missed that. She missed talking to patients and easing their ills. More than that, Sadie missed having a profession and the associated feeling of purpose.
Shuri reappeared with the clothing Sadie wore into the lab neatly folded in her arms. "I think that's all for the day. If I remember correctly, my brother wanted to see you after you finished up?"
Yes, Sadie had woken up to a message that King T'Challa requested her presence later that day. She took her clothes and started to make for the privacy of the bathroom but she paused in the doorway, thinking better of her simple goodbye.
"Shuri?"
She looked up from her tablet. "Yes?"
"I know that everything feels like it needs to be rushed right now but I can promise you it doesn't. Give Bucky time; he just might surprise you."
X X X
King T'Challa was waiting for Sadie when her transport arrived at the palace. Together they set off, taking the longer route through some of the palace's spectacular gardens.
"I am glad to see that you are settling in. I trust everything has been to your liking?"
"It's been wonderful, your majesty. I can't imagine a more beautiful place or more welcoming people."
His tiny smile in response was about as much emotion as she saw from him at any given time. T'Challa was remarkably restrained and thoughtful in his every word and action. Sadie preferred to think that he'd always been so measured but she suspected that he'd come by his kingly nature the hard way. Experience was a brutal but effective teacher and he appeared to bear the marks of her cruel tutelage, coming out the better for it.
"It feels as though you have not been with us long and I regret I haven't been able to spend more time with you."
A warm flush crept up the back of her neck. There was no reason for the king to spend time with her. Sadie's primary roles weren't at his level, but rather with Shuri in the lab or Nakia, heads bent over a copy of Okland's zoning laws. She supposed he was just being nice but it was hard to tell with T'Challa; he didn't seem like the type of man who flattered for the sake of it and everything he said felt so genuine.
"That's quite alright, your majesty. To be honest, Princess Shuri and Nakia have kept me busy since I arrived."
"I'll bet they have." Sadie did not miss the strong note of affection lifting his voice, interwoven with the slightest bite of sarcasm. She wondered how often the pair of women ganged up on him, preying on his flaws, however few and far between they might be. "Now that you have had time to acclimate to your new home, it is time to turn to new matters. In two weeks, the United Nations is convening a panel of countries that signed the Sokovia Accords to review the effectiveness of the Accords. Secretary Ross has specifically requested your attendance."
"Of course he has." The words, tainted with no small amount of vitriol, dripped off her tongue before she could stop herself. However, T'Challa's light chuckle put Sadie at ease. Sometimes she forgot that she was in good company from the lowliest palace staffer to the King himself. There was a freedom to speak here that she might not have had otherwise.
"Sadie," T'Challa stopped and turned to face her, resting a gentle hand on her elbow. "The Secretary is looking to force your first public appearance. I believe he is trying to use you to regain the public confidence he lost after Captain Rogers broke his friends out of prison."
"And having an enhanced individual at the summit would help boost faith in the Accords?" Sadie surmised.
"Along with pushing the appearance that he has the favor of the woman close to Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes," T'Challa explained. Sadie suspected as much, though expecting this type of sleazy motive from the Secretary didn't lessen her disgust. She didn't relish the idea of being anyone's pawn in a political chess game. And when she voiced this opinion to T'Challa, he rewarded her cheek with another one of his small, supremely confident smiles. "So, let him believe that."
"I beg your pardon?"
T'Challa opened one of the large doors leading into the main atrium of the palace. "We all know he is trying to keep tabs on you because he believes you will lead him to Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes. Perhaps the best way to keep him from discovering the truth is to play his game."
"I'm not sure, your majesty. Psychological and political warfare is practically a southern tradition but I was never any good at it. I think I'm too blunt to do what other women can do."
"Perhaps," T'Challa mused. They passed beneath a kaleidoscope of light, dyed a rainbow of colors as it passed through tiny panes of stained glass, all fit together to make an enormous mural of the Wakandan countryside. Sadie wished there was more time to stop and admire the artwork; she made a mental note to return to study it on one of her rare afternoons of downtime. "But you're better at being diplomatic than you think. You've charmed almost everyone here."
'Almost everyone' excluded a couple members of T'Challa's council who, while they did not object to her coming as the country's first state guest, remained skeptical of the long term benefit Sadie's presence would bring. That was nothing to say of T'Challa's general, Okoye, who almost never looked at Sadie if she could help it.
"The choice to go to Vienna is ultimately yours. If you are not ready to step into the public eye, I will respect that and decline on your behalf."
Sadie bit the inside of her cheek. There was a certain cold fear that took her when she thought about subjecting herself to an entire army of cameras, of having to introduce herself to many new people and endure the endless barrage of questions she couldn't answer. She could barely work the lights in her small slice of the palace and still couldn't understand the appeal of having a phone in your pocket where anyone could reach you anytime they wanted. Sadie didn't want to be the subject of so much speculation or of having people write her story before she even had a chance to learn the details herself. What would giving up her relative, short-lived anonymity in Wakanda mean for her well-being? She knew she would have to show her face at some point but she thought her grace period would last longer than this!
And yet, if she didn't go she would be raising even more difficult questions not just for herself but for the young king currently escorting her to a part of the palace she'd never seen. T'Challa had placed a rather large bet on her and he'd gone out of his way to make her feel at home here. The last thing Sadie wanted to do was repay his generosity with a snub. Besides, he had more than just the success of her visit riding on his shoulders. If anyone found out he was in contact with Steve or that he'd granted Bucky asylum, he would be in a world of international hurt. And if playing into Secretary Ross and his stupid PR stunts meant keeping the trail leading back to T'Challa, Steve, and Bucky cold well...then that was what she had to do.
After all, she'd stared down prisoners of war and survived being buried alive. How hard could a few days in Vienna really be?
"I believe you're correct, your majesty. What's the old saying? Keep your friends close…"
"And your enemies closer." T'Challa finished for her and tipped his head toward her in gratitude. "I was hoping you would agree to join our delegation. To that end, I have asked Nakia to help prepare you for what to expect. She is waiting for us."
Sadie didn't even realize they'd come to a long, narrow room nor had Sadie even realized they'd stopped. Sure enough, Nakia stood near the far end of the long table taking up the center of the room, sitting beneath three magnificent, geometrically designed chandeliers. Nakia waved her hands toward an attendant holding two different hangers, each one holding a different dress.
Nakia, much like Shuri, didn't waste her breath on formalities. She greeted her love with warmth and familiarity before turning her gaze to Sadie.
"I hope you're prepared to help me with every aspect of my presentation to the Oakland City Council because I do not do this type of work for free."
Sadie started to feel guilty for Nakia being roped into putting together a wardrobe for her but stopped when the woman gave her a roguish wink behind T'Challa's back. "You were the best woman for the job!" T'Challa argued and Sadie raised a hand to hide her smile at the little flash of indignation in his response. "I couldn't leave it to Shuri. Her sense of style is too-"
"Young?" Sadie offered at the same time Nakia suggested, "Modern?"
"Both," the King noted. "Besides, I couldn't ask Shuri to help Sadie prepare for the press."
"That's quite true," Nakia conceded. Catching the confusion scrunching Sadie's face, she offered her best explanation. "Shuri would try to teach you slang that only teenagers understand. Your interviews would be incoherent."
T'Challa, sensing the shift in conversation, took this opportunity to make his leave. As soon as the door shut after him, Nakia rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling.
"He told me what happened. Leave it to a bunch of men to make a woman do all the dirty work to save their asses."
Sadie's laughter rose up to mingle with Nakia's, floating toward the glittering chandeliers. "I wasn't going to be the one to say it."
"Don't worry," Nakia gently bumped her shoulder into Sadie's. "I've got your back."
X X X
"You want to go to Vienna to do what? Dance? Tickle champagne? I thought the point of all this," Brock gestured toward the bandages still wrapped around various points of his heavily scarred body. "Was so I could help you kill two birds with one stone."
Doctor Emmanuel Greyson was a meticulous man who thought his every decision through to the conclusion. He didn't often regret his choices but every time Brock Rumlow deigned to open his foul mouth, the seed of regret buried itself just a tiny bit deeper into Greyson's mind, growing and festering. For a man who once led entire SHIELD operative units and was, on paper at least, an outstanding soldier, Rumlow had zero patience. His approach to nearly all things was as American as his harsh accent: go in with guns blazing and ask questions later. Greyson abhorred his sensibilities almost as much as he abhorred the man's table manners.
"The point of our arrangement is not at issue here. My attendance in Vienna is to gather information. Surely you're familiar with the concept of a reconnaissance mission."
Rumlow kicked one of his booted feet and then the other onto the supply crate next to his seat. "Yeah, I'm not a dumbass."
The urge to mutter 'could have fooled me' was so strong that Greyson felt his lips forming the words before he narrowly stopped himself. Stooping to this man's level certainly wasn't the answer. "Then I'm sure you'll understand why it's important to know our situation before jumping in."
"What makes you so sure Reid's even going to show up? Seems like she's got a pretty sweet deal in Wakanda."
"I have it on good authority from a reliable source that the King of Wakanda has accepted an invitation on her behalf."
Greyson sneered when Rumlow rolled his eyes, miraculously the only undamaged part of his face. "A reliable source? You know, you never told me what it is that you do - you could be cutting up dead bodies in the next room for all I know."
Now that did make Greyson smile. He'd come and gone over the past several weeks, leaving Rumlow in his spacious, if somewhat dubious, accommodations. At first the man was too weak to get out of bed and now he simply stayed because of the constant flow of free food, whiskey, and the promise of revenge. Greyson never did understand why some men became so preoccupied with revenge. It was a rather dull pursuit in his opinion and often led to the kind of tunnel vision that Rumlow experienced now. So focused was Rumlow on his own experiences, his own tragedies and scores to settle that Greyson truly could have been slicing and dicing in the next room and Rumlow might have never known nor, he suspected, would the brute care.
"I'm a geneticist, if you must know. When I'm not-" he glanced around with mild disdain at the dank room in the basement of an abandoned hospital that Rumlow now called home "-here, I'm the director at the Weismann Institute, here in Germany."
Rumlow let out a low whistle. "Impressive," though he didn't sound the least bit impressed. "So, what, you go rub elbows with all the big wigs in the world and come slum it with me cooking up evil plans on your lunch break?"
"Evil is a matter of interpretation, as you well know," Greyson pointed out and Rumlow's garish mouth stretched into something resembling a grin.
"Yeah, well HYDRA wasn't the best bet I ever made. Not the worst though."
Greyson was sorely tempted to ask Rumlow what bet could possibly be worse than the gamble to follow the shady organization that led to his disfigurement but he kept it to himself. Hiring Rumlow for his mercenary services didn't require a full briefing on his backstory. Better let certain sleeping dogs lie, he thought and offered a wan smile instead of indulging in his curiosity. Rumlow didn't appear chuffed one way or the other about Greyson's evasive nature, though he did ask an awful lot of questions for a man who supposedly didn't give a damn who Greyson worked for or what he did so long as he got his payout and his revenge. Greyson lamented the considerable waste of Rumlow's talent on such a pedestrian endeavor but perhaps he could be forgiven his preoccupation. If a building fell on top of him, he might be whistling a different tune.
But those were considerations for another time.
Greyson checked his watch and sighed. He only had thirty minutes to cut across the city and make it back to the Institute in time for a meeting.
"Vienna is the plan. By then I believe you'll be ready to return to the field and you can perform your end of the deal."
"Ferret out what kind of company this girl's keeping while you wine and dine with the bigwigs, yeah, yeah, I get it."
"Precisely." Greyson rose from his seat and smoothed the invisible wrinkles out of his suit jacket. He buttoned the buttons and nodded once toward his partner, then pointed to the laptop sitting on a small table on the opposite wall. "If you look on that laptop you'll find the summit's itinerary, the locations for all of the events, city plans, and more information to help you prepare."
"Got it."
Greyson made for the door but Rumlow stopped him before he could slip out.
"You know, you never did tell me what's so fucking important about her. What's your connection?"
What was their connection? Even if Greyson wanted to explain their history to Rumlow, which he most certainly did not, he wouldn't even know where to begin. Suffice to say that his history with Sadie Reid was of equal parts crucial and unimportant to achieving his end goal. All that mattered was that he eventually brought her into his custody and that Rumlow got his prize in the process.
"It doesn't matter," he said, perhaps a touch too sharply for believability.
"Then why d'you need her so bad?"
"Because," Greyson smoothed his hands over his hair, wishing they didn't tremble so badly. He felt an old, familiar tic in his cheek kick up again. "If everything I've heard and read is true, Sadie Reid has the most important DNA in the entire world. And I am in desperate need of it."
X X X
"You know, a tablet can do what you're doing and more efficiently."
From her spot at a table on the other side of Shuri's lab, Sadie glanced up from her set of flashcards. Despite the task being way above her paygrade, Nakia took it upon herself to make information cards about every important delegate and other person Sadie would meet in Vienna, displaying a picture and notable information. She'd taken the project of helping Sadie prepare for her first foray into the public spotlight seriously, from helping her select a small wardrobe to reviewing the itinerary in excruciating detail. The tradeoff was that she'd asked Sadie to sit in on multiple meetings she'd planned with various UN delegates to discuss the possibility of extending Wakanda's outreach programs to their neediest.
Over the past two days, Sadie took the thick deck of flashcards everywhere she went, determined to do Nakia proud. That included toting them back to Shuri's lab while the pair awaited the computer to finish rendering the results of Shuri's dizzying battery of tests on Sadie's blood and tissue samples.
"I'm sure it could but these are working out just fine for me, thanks."
Shuri crossed her arms over her chest, a smirk playing at her lips. Sadie wondered what it was like to be that supremely confident and that uninhibited. She supposed that being a bona fide genius and a royal came with certain perks and encouraged a borderline obnoxious sense of superiority that, in Shuri's case, was mostly well-earned.
"I could scan each of those little cards and render a 3-d virtual model of each person you're supposed to be studying and find out almost anything you want to know." She waltzed over to Sadie's small table and plucked a card off the stack. "I bet I could even tell you what Himiko Matsuyama - delegate from Japan's primary school grades were."
"Which would be more creepy than helpful," Sadie countered.
Shuri's smirk transformed into a broad grin. "I'm just saying, maybe it's time for you to join the digital age."
To that, Sadie openly rolled her eyes. "Shuri, I missed out on most of the analog age. Cut an old lady a break here."
"I thought we weren't supposed to mention your advanced age?" Shuri asked through a laugh.
"I can, you can't," Sadie argued and then gave a playful shrug of her shoulders. "Just because I don't look like I'm almost one hundred doesn't mean I don't feel it. Every time I walk in here, I'm reminded that I could spend the rest of my life trying and I'll still never catch up."
Shuri sobered in an instant. She returned the card in her hand to the stack and then glanced back toward the rest of her shining lab. "I don't think that's true; you've probably learned more than you think. And besides, I don't care what shiny tech Tony Stark has up his sleeve," she beamed at the world of her creation. "This is the most advanced laboratory on the planet."
Sadie didn't doubt that. But she also didn't doubt that if Tony had access to the kinds of resources Shuri did, there was no telling what incredible things he could create. She kept that thought to herself and shrugged instead.
"Technology isn't always the answer, Shuri. I'm perfectly happy with the flashcards Nakia gave me."
The little 'pfft' sound that Shuri made was disagreement enough. She activated one of her Kimoyo beads, bringing a hologram to life. It took Sadie a moment to recognize the image as that of an arm.
"Shuri," she warned.
"Tell me this isn't the right answer. Look at this design and tell me that Sergeant Barnes's life wouldn't be improved by having it."
Sadie wiped her face. "I already told you not to push the issue, Shuri. You should put that away before Bucky or anyone else sees."
"Oh, it's not just a digital model," Shuri vanished the hologram and flitted to the other side of the lab where several white cabinets liked the wall.
Feeling nervous, Sadie left her seat and her cards behind. She cast one glance to the open doorway but followed Shuri.
"My design is too good to just sit in a file. One day Sergeant Barnes will change his mind and when he does-" Shuri pushed a drawer inward and it released with a gentle hiss. Lined with thick padding, the drawer contained several pieces laid out in order that would eventually make up an entire arm. Made of shining gunmetal vibranium with bands of cobalt blue at the junctions where the vibranium plates met, the pieces formed most of a hand and the forearm, leading up to the broken segments. "The hand was the second most difficult part to construct but the shoulder attachment is where I need Sergeant Barnes's help. I can't complete the neural link between his body and the arm without further examination of his shoulder plate."
"Shuri, it doesn't matter how groundbreaking your design is or whether you think it will improve Bucky's life. Those are just your opinions and quite frankly, when it comes to this matter, you don't really have a say."
"But, I-"
"That's the problem, right there," Sadie pointed out, interrupting Shuri who blinked owlishly at her. "I know that you think you're taking Bucky's best interests into account but you're not. You see this-" she gestured to the half-built arm "-as a utility. Something that helps Bucky do mundane tasks like wash his hair and tie his shoes. You're not thinking about what Bucky sees or how he feels about a new prosthetic that is even stronger and more advanced than his old one - the one that HYDRA built."
The insinuation hung heavy in the air and it took Shuri no time at all to put the pieces together. Her eyes darted from Sadie to the arm back and forth a couple of times before her face scrunched in a dismissive manner. The concept that Bucky might see the arm as anything other than just an arm never once crossed her mind, that much was clear to Sadie. And the notion that Bucky saw the arm as just a weapon and, more importantly, a curse, apparently didn't pique an ounce of understanding from Shuri either. Sadie supposed she couldn't entirely blame her. Genius, youth, and being sheltered her entire life were a potent combination that could easily lead Shuri to viewing the world through a different lens and, if Sadie were a betting woman, she would put every dollar she didn't have on the fact that Shuri hadn't seen a copy of Bucky's dossier. Instead she latched onto the one fact Sadie knew she would.
"But I removed the trigger words. Bucky can't be controlled anymore. This arm isn't supposed to be a weapon; it's just an arm."
Sadie nodded slowly. Reaching into the drawer, she lifted the completed hand and examined it closer. Turning it over, she traced her fingers over the palm, feeling out the eerily natural contours. She couldn't fathom the shock that Bucky got when he woke up after falling off that train, only to discover that his left arm was missing and the people he might have expected to rescue him were all gone, thinking him dead. Sadie wasn't sure she would ever really get past the guilt of not fighting harder to go back for Bucky's body. Since she'd woken up, she caught herself thinking over all of the 'what ifs' surrounding that situation and how things would have been so radically different had she convinced Steve to go looking. Blinking, she felt her eyelashes brush past her cheeks and swore she could still feel the cold in that clearing. Knowing what she knew now cast that day, the worst day of her life, into a brutal new perspective. She set the hand back in the drawer, almost unable to look at it knowing that the road that led Bucky to his fate began long before he fell into that ravine.
"Can I tell you a story?"
"Sure."
"During the war, Bucky and I served in different branches of the same organization, the SSR. Its job was to-"
"-track down HYDRA weapons and personnel and eradicate it. I know, I know."
Sadie raised an eyebrow and Shuri shrugged in a half-apology. "That was the SSR's primary objective but it also performed other missions for the Allied forces, including the kinds of intelligence-gathering that weren't exactly on the up and up."
Shuri's brows knitted together. This was clearly new information. "Like what?"
"Prisoner capture, mostly. Because they were a small, highly trained unit, the Howling Commandos could go places that traditional armies couldn't. And they were responsible for the capture of several high-ranking Nazi officials. Whenever Steve and the boys captured a Nazi officer, they typically got first crack at interrogation, usually to suss out any intel on HYDRA."
Sadie blinked and for a half-second she could smell the musty scent of the bunker, the cool ambient lighting of Shuri's lab traded for the old lightbulbs that often flickered and went out thanks to the unreliable electricity in London. If she stood still, she might feel the whisper of movement all around her, hear the tell-tale clicking of codebreakers typing away or the low rumble of Steve and the boys all gathered around the enormous tactical map, moving figures across the miniature landscape of Europe. Most of all, she could smell the terrible coffee and hear Peggy's tired but pleasant greeting or Howard's cheeky jokes that always made her smile. There wasn't anything Sadie wouldn't have given to trade Shuri's lab with all of its sleek beauty for that dusty, cramped bunker and everyone in it.
Blowing out a soft sigh, she dropped her head. Though she missed the SSR bunker, she didn't miss this particular memory.
"Sometime in the summer of '44 the boys captured a German officer - Brigadier General Wilhelm. I can't even remember what part of the German army he commanded but he had a reputation for brutality that-" she broke off, unsure of how to even put into words the crimes the man committed. "Let's just say he wasn't going to talk willingly. I think if you asked Steve now, he'd say he regrets this but back then he often asked Bucky to do the dirty work that either he couldn't be seen doing or simply didn't have the stomach for. It wasn't the first time Bucky interrogated a prisoner and he was fine when he went in but when he came out...his hands were bloody and there was blood all over his shirt. Doc Holmes had to wire the Brigadier General's jaw shut. I was there and I'll never forget the look on Bucky's face. It was like he broke off a little piece of himself and left it behind."
Sadie crossed her arms tight over her chest. With the unwelcome gift of perspective came the awful truth that there were too many memories like this. Too many dark moments and instances stacked one on top of the other, compounding and leaving her at the mercy of the truth.
"We never talked about it. In retrospect, I wish we had. I wish we'd talked about a lot of things."
Shuri frowned. "I don't understand what this has to do with the arm."
Sadie shut the drawer, letting it close softly and silently. "My point is that when it comes to Bucky, HYDRA didn't start with a blank slate."
There wasn't much more that Sadie thought was worth saying. Some things Shuri had to figure out for herself and reconciling her wants with Bucky's needs was something she had to do on her own. Pushing away from the counter, Sadie started to return to her flashcards when movement just outside the open doorway caught her attention.
"Damnit," she whispered under her breath at the sight of Bucky's retreating back. How long had he been standing there? How much had he heard?
"He's going to be so mad. I promised him I wouldn't do this," Shuri whispered and for the first time, Sadie heard a note of fear in her voice.
Sadie offered a comforting smile and gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze. "Don't worry about that. I'll talk to him."
In her state of shock, Shuri didn't put up a fight and let Sadie leave with a half-hearted goodbye. Unfortunately for the young scientist, no matter how brilliant she was, there were some problems she couldn't solve with a computer and some situations that just went way over her head. Sadie half-jogged down the hall and had to shove her hands in the pockets of her dress to keep from repeatedly pressing the button on the elevator until the doors finally opened. She came out on the top level and looked around for a sign of Bucky and thankfully he wasn't hard to find, standing at the balcony overlooking the jungle facing Shuri's lab.
Sadie joined him at the railing, coming to stand next to him. A wave of deja vu swept over her and when she closed her eyes, she imagined standing on the deck of a small liner carrying her unit and Bucky's to northern Italy, a fated trip that set them on the path that now brought her here. When she opened her eyes, she didn't see the pristine Mediterranean sea sparkling beneath the sunset but rather the lush, dense jungles of Wakanda, green trees soaring toward the sky desperate to soak up as much of the waning sun as she was. For a moment she smiled upward to the sky, to a rainbow of colors that faded one right into the other, changing with each passing second as the sun came closer and closer to disappearing. A wistful piece of her heart longed for that moment, to talk to Bucky and hear his advice and feel the touch of his hand on hers, a trickle of water poured onto the seed of a love that only blossomed from there, as wild and expansive as the jungle surrounding her. Back then they were both relatively unscathed and looking to each other for a little slice of respite from the shells and the bullets and the never-ending stream of wounded soldiers. A soft sigh escaped her lips; back then they still had their entire lives to look forward to.
All the time she lost herself in her thoughts, she remained aware of Bucky's presence next to her. Even without one arm, he was a larger than life figure, broader and more imposing than she ever remembered him. Someone - Sadie suspected Shuri - had taken the time to pull half of his hair away from his face, securing it with a leather tie but every so often he raised a hand, pushing invisible strands off his forehead. She wasn't sure how he could fight with all of his hair in his face but that was a question for another time. Other than those handful of habitual movements, he stood ramrod straight and unnaturally still, his muscles just barely twitching to save his compromised balance. The stillness that he maintained wasn't a total shock; Sadie remembered him telling her about the times he took up a long distance position where he had to stay perfectly still for hours on end so he didn't blow his position. He'd always been the still one of the two of them, content to rest his head against the back of a C-47 while they flew from one position to the other or holding her hand, totally engrossed in whatever movie they'd gone to see. Sadie remembered lazy nights when she curled up next to him or even in his lap and while he read letters from home, she would toy with her necklace or his dog tags or his hair, anything to stay in constant motion to expel whatever energy she had in need of an outlet.
Looking down, she realized she was already fiddling with her necklace and she snapped her hands away from her father's ring, dropping her hands to grip the rail.
Next to her, Bucky ducked his head and without the benefit of his hair to hide his face, she could see a tiny smile tug at his lips. "You never could hold still."
A hot flush started creeping up the back of her neck. "It's a force of habit," she admitted, but even as she spoke she took her necklace and dropped it beneath her shirt, removing the temptation of her rings and also the reminder. Sadie wanted to say something more to him, to open up the conversation she knew she was supposed to be having but she found she couldn't talk to him which hurt more than she wanted to admit to herself. Conversation was never a struggle for them; from their first meeting on, Sadie never had a problem coming up with something to say and Bucky always delighted in baiting her into talking to him no matter the time or place.
Maybe Bucky sensed her discomfort or wanted to get the forthcoming over with, but he found his voice first and wasted no time getting to the point. "Is Shuri too afraid to talk to me herself?"
"She's only trying to help," Sadie explained, turning to face him, pressing her hip into the railing.
A soft breeze swept up and across the balcony, ruffling his hair and the swath of green fabric tied over one shoulder to cover his arm socket. Bucky didn't look at her but rather kept his focus on the horizon. As the sun sank lower, outdoor lights sprang to life around them, bathing the balcony in a soft glow. He processed her words a few seconds longer, nodding as he came to terms with them. "Yeah, I know."
Sadie waited for the rest of his sentence but as the beats of her heart counted up the painfully awkward seconds that ensued, she realized that was the whole of his thought, leaving her stranded in the middle of the conversation with no assistance about what he was really thinking or how he was really feeling.
"I-," she swallowed hard, cheeks now beating with embarrassment. "Okay, then why don't you tell her that? She thinks you're just being stubborn."
"Yeah, I know that too." He sighed and then shrugged his covered shoulder. "I overheard the two of you talking."
For a split second, Sadie strongly considered leaping headfirst over the balcony but then caught herself wondering if she would survive that too and how much the healing process would hurt. A scowl tugged at her lips, drawing her brows together. "You know, you could have said that instead of leaving me grasping at straws to get her to stand down. Or better yet, you could have just come in the room to talk to her directly!"
"I could have," he agreed and at last turned to face her. Sadie wrangled her heart back down after it jumped into her throat. Would she always get that jolt of surprise every time she looked on his face? "But I really don't think I could have said it better than you did."
"That's kind of shocking. I thought maybe you'd have a better explanation than what I came up with."
Bucky shook his head. "Nope, I think you pretty much covered it."
Not for the first time, Sadie got the distinct impression that Bucky felt as though he were talking to a stranger. Steve warned her that he tended to be detached but she never imagined him being so casual about it, too. For two weeks now Sadie had racked her brain, trying to figure out what bothered her about their new dynamic so much but as Bucky diverted his gaze away from her again, she realized what it was. There was nothing in his blue eyes when he looked at her. When Bucky looked at her, there was no spark of recognition beyond acknowledging her existence and certainly the love that he once poured over her was gone, a well long dried up. And it was the lack of love in his eyes and the lack of urge to be near her, to touch her and want her that cut her deep, slashing through her deepest desires to the very core of her insecurities and fears. What if she came to Wakanda to find Bucky only to discover he didn't love her anymore?
She knew the answer now.
The realization took her breath away, causing her to take a gasp that, no matter how tiny, Bucky caught anyway. His face scrunched in confusion. "What is it?"
"Nothing," she said, hastily turning away from him before he could see the tears well up in her eyes. "If you really don't want Shuri to replace your arm then you should explain it to her yourself. I can't be the messenger between you two on this issue. Let's be honest, I got lucky with that guess but I hardly know you any more so it's not really appropriate for me to be speaking on your behalf."
Sadie swore she felt the ghost of a touch on her shoulder, the slightest brush of fingertips over her shirt but the sensation disappeared as soon as she felt it. Squeezing her eyes shut tight to stave off her tears, she dared to raise her arm to press a hand to her chest, just to make sure her heart hadn't burst out of it. Behind her she could feel Bucky's gaze on her back, asking a dozen silent questions about the sudden shift in her behavior.
"Uh, yeah, I'll talk to her before I leave," he said slowly. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," she replied, though her shaking voice sounded anything but. "Look, I should probably go. I have to be up early for testing in the morning and Shuri gets cranky if you're even a minute late."
"Okay, I'll see you later, I guess."
The lump in her throat was so big she couldn't even respond. Making sure to keep her back to him, Sadie turned and left the balcony, walking as quickly as she could towards the transport waiting to take her back to the palace. She didn't see Bucky drop his arm to his side, raised in a too-hesitant attempt to bridge the gap and touch her. She never heard his hard sigh or saw him kick at the ground with the toe of his boot, muttering under his breath. "You're such a goddamn idiot," he muttered to himself. "So fucking stupid."
Sadie had no idea that while she found herself drowning in a fresh ocean of misery, Bucky was wallowing in his own regret. All she felt was the crush of emotions so overwhelming she didn't realize she'd almost bowled over Okoye until the soldier grasped her arms to steady her. Wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape, Okoye started to speak until she saw Bucky's silhouette over Sadie's shoulder. Her surprise immediately gave way to stony understanding.
"I see," she said simply, as though those two words comprised the whole of the situation. "Come with me."
X X X
There was something imposing about Okoye that Sadie wouldn't have refused her for just about anything. When the general said to follow her, that was the final word on the matter and Sadie followed. Together they boarded the transport, leaving the lab behind and rushing toward the city. Next to Okoye, Sadie felt spectacularly small and weak. This was a woman with more skill in her pinky finger than Sadie had in her entire body but it wasn't just that fact that put Sadie off. It was the blatant distrust and borderline disapproval that her taciturn silence conveyed. She was almost afraid of what Okoye had in store for her but Sadie also knew the woman could overpower her with very little effort whatsoever.
And so she followed Okoye off the transport, away from the palace and toward a completely different building, also spectacular in its construction.
"This is the city barracks for the Dora Milaje," she explained. More than one statuesque woman milling about stopped to give Okoye a Wakandan salute but also to openly stare at Sadie, whose presence still caused quite the stir nearly everywhere she went. "Ignore them. It's not common for an outsider to be here."
"An outsider like-"
"Any outsider," Okoye filled the blank, letting Sadie know it wasn't just the pallor of her skin.
She strode with such quick purpose, Sadie almost had to jog to keep up with her. They passed through the main atrium and down a long hallway. On another occasion Sadie would have liked to examine the various series of spears lining the walls. From her cursory glance, she could see many of them were intricately etched with various designs and pictures. At the end of the hall, Okoye pushed open a set of frosted glass doors to reveal a training room.
"Oh," Sadie whispered, stopping in the doorway.
Thick red padding lined the lower half of the walls and parts of the floor. Several training dummies took up one wall and a series of punching bags mounted to both the ceiling and floor took up another large area. Practice staffs and spears sat in neat rows on the far wall along with a myriad of other training equipment that Sadie couldn't identify.
"Come here."
Okoye took her place next to a punching bag.
At last Sadie found her voice. "Okoye, this is a nice offer but I'm not really the fighting type."
"Neither are most of the women in this country but they can all defend themselves. But that is beside the point. You've been here almost a month and you look more miserable every time I see you."
Sadie frowned. She hadn't thought Okoye paid even an ounce of attention to her. Then it dawned on Sadie that of course Okoye watched her like a hawk. Her job was to protect the king and as a strange outsider, one of the few to ever cross Wakanda's borders, she was potentially one of the biggest threats to T'Challa.
Okoye stepped in and took one of Sadie's hands, closing her fingers into a fist. "It's been my experience that sometimes hitting things helps."
A smile threatened Sadie's mouth. If only Okoye knew how much she sounded like Peggy in that moment. Following Okoye's instruction and falling back on the few hand-to-hand lessons she had before starting field work with the SSR, Sadie struck the bag.
"It's not awful," Okoye lamented, clearly conveying her mingling surprise and disappointment. "Keep your knuckles flat and try to strike center this time. And put some feeling into it!"
Although Sadie wasn't certain what this exercise was going to accomplish, she did as instructed and hit the bag again, this time harder and closer to center.
"Better. You can learn control and get out some of what's bothering you at the same time."
Sadie nodded and punched out with her left arm. Another clean strike and she felt the hit reverberate up her arm.
"Well?" Okoye asked.
"It feels surprisingly...good."
"That is what I thought. Again."
This time, Sadie didn't feel so self-conscious or ridiculous. She hit a little harder with each punch. Over and over she punched, attacking the bag with increasing fervor until sweat beaded up at her temples and her heart raced in her chest. But the exertion felt good. Sadie felt her chaotic emotions bubbling and churning, threatening to come up at any given moment but rather than let them get the better of her, rather than cry again for what felt like the hundredth time, she just kept punching.
"You are angry," Okoye noted when Sadie paused to catch her breath.
"You suspected as much?" She asked, propping her hands on her hips.
"It would be surprising if you weren't."
That observation in and of itself surprised Sadie. All her life, she'd been slow to anger. She rarely yelled and when she did get mad, her ire lasted for a brief time before she moved on to other more constructive emotions. But now that she paused and really, really thought about it she realized that Okoye was right. And her arms flew before she even realized what she was doing.
"Of course I'm angry." Her fist hammered into the bag. "I got kidnapped and dragged into a new damn millennium." The bag trembled under her next hit. "And I don't remember how or why."
The lack of memory made her angrier than anything else. Sadie wanted nothing more than to understand what happened to her.
"All I know is I was taken," another hard hit. "Tortured," the bag swung under the force. "And left for dead in the middle of fucking nowhere Romania." Sadie gritted her teeth. She stepped away, breathing hard but the second she let herself stop and think, the more her fury grew until she turned back around and lashed out again. "Almost everyone I love is dead. And the love of my life looks at me like I'm a stranger. And I'm just so-angry! I'm so angry. This wasn't how my life was supposed to go. This isn't what I wanted. But nobody asked me, did they? No," she stumbled and almost fell into the bag. Okoye steadied the other side and waited. Sadie braced her hands against it and let her forehead fall to the black leather. "I am in a strange country and I am alone."
"You are not alone," Okoye corrected her almost immediately. Sadie stared at her. She expected Okoye to rattle off the names of her new friends but she didn't. Instead, Okoye fixed Sadie with a level, hard gaze that Sadie could finally meet head-on. "You have yourself. And that is all you need."
"I-" Sadie paused. The soundness of Okoye's advice was so profound that Sadie couldn't believe she never considered it herself. After all, Sadie had done this before. She'd picked herself up and soldiered on in the face of near-insurmountable heartbreak. "You're absolutely right. I started over once before. I can do it again."
"Yes, you can."
Sadie started to frown. At last she felt comfortable enough to ask the question that had bothered her since Okoye intercepted her back at the lab. "Why are you helping me? I thought you didn't even approve of me being here."
"I don't," Okoye agreed and Sadie appreciated her all that much more for her bluntness. "But you're here at the king's behest and I serve at his pleasure. Besides," for the first time, Sadie saw the ghost of a smile touch Okoye's mouth. "I know a few things about disappointing men."
Sadie's laughter helped ease her simmering rage. "Bucky isn't exactly disappointing in and of himself. It's just a hard situation. But I do feel better, so thank you."
Okoye inclined her head toward her. "Beginning tomorrow I will send a trainee to meet with you at the palace to continue training. You might not be a fighter but you are in an unfamiliar world. You should know how to fight for yourself."
Eighty years ago, Sadie would have fought Okoye to the hilt that she was just fine not knowing. But there was no denying the general's salient point. If Sadie was going to learn to pick herself up and build a life in this brave new world then she would need to be as prepared as possible. And even if she didn't get anything else out of it, she did feel less volatile and emotional. That in and of itself was well worth it.
"Okay, that sounds like a plan."
A/N: Next chapter picks up with Sadie's future plans, more on Bucky's arm, and some tension.
Loved it? Liked it? Think Okoye is a queen who spits out nothing but the hard truth? I would love to know any and all thoughts! Much love – Kappa.