A/n: Once again I return from my cave dimension in an act of inspiration from watching Gravity Falls for the nteenth time because having a normal update schedule is for people named not me. Ihope all of y'all have been doing well and keeping safe since I last updated.
It's Mabel time again, you crazy chaos kids.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not have the voice acting range of Alex Hirsch, so it's pretty unlikely I own Gravity Falls.
Mom and Dad were going to pick us up at school today, they told us this morning. Apparently, Dipper got himself called to the principal's office or something for bad school behavior. Something like dropping performance and not paying attention in class. It seems more like something that'd happen to me, not straight A student Dipper. More like, they just told me; Dipper was too busy drowning in his beige oatmeal. I know some people think that stuff is supposed to be good for skin problems, but I think Dipper's doing it wrong. I was the only one up an at 'em. Must be your good old dose of Mabel Juice.
Dipper has been more of a sleep deprived zombie than usual, recently. About around the same time Bill showed up... Coincidence, I think not! It must be a conspiracy! A plot, a mystery, a sinister scheme! It must be a sign that Human Bill is actually Triangle Bill! There has to be a direct link!
Geez, I'm starting to sound like Dipper. A definite sign that things have to go back to normal stat! Bill has to go; he's ripping my brother from me, and it needs to stop. We haven't even talked AT HOME since Bill showed up.
Why can't things be back the way they used to be? Before Bill, no back before me and Dipper even heard of that dinky old town of Gravity Falls. Things were so much simpler back then. Me and Dipper were so much happier back then, back before Dipper became so obsessed with all that mystery and magic crap. We were so much closer back then. Maybe if we never went to that armpit of Oregon Dipper wouldn't be such a negative nelly and scare away all my friends. If he wasn't so weird, he'd get along so well with Georgie, Ally, and maybe even Jackson. He wouldn't have made Mom and Dad so mad if that place didn't fill his head with monsters and conspiracies. It'd be so so so so so so so so nice if that were the case.
And to think he was so wrapped up in that nasty shack in the middle of the woods and all its strangeness that he wasn't even going to come with me. He was going to leave me alone to go play with creatures and magic with Grunkle Ford and live in a basement and abandon me. It was such a good thing he saw sense and realized how much funner it is back at home together.
Well, now it's time for Detective Mabel and the friend wonders to thwart the evil villain, The Meddler, and solve crime. I haven't heard from Ally in a while, but that's not too surprising. The intrepid young sidekick often gets nightmares from the hard boiled experience of working on the job. I'm sure she's just a bit upset after finding those things in that creepy teacher's desk. It'd be enough to cause anyone to need some time off. For a mental health day, like the MeTubers and professional Instachatters' PR statements after not posting things on time. Georgie's been a bit off too; he's almost as sleep deprived as my brother. He definitely could also use a good mental health day. Jackson, though, is as handsome as ever. Maybe not as sparkly as he normally is, but I'm sure that'll be fixed after he falls into my arms when we expose Bill for the Isosceles Freak he is. It'll be a picture perfect moment, pure movie magic for a five star romantic comedy with a sprig of action. Explosions, kissing, and everyone living happily ever after. Once Bill's gone, we should all take a nice long break from school to celebrate, maybe one whole week of Smile Dip, Mabel Juice, and partying like we just won tickets to every concert on a Sev'ral Timez world tour. It'll certainly be well earned after all the work I put in to busting this mystery open like a piñata.
When I got to school this morning, everyone was acting so weird. It was so gloomy and depressing. Just like Dipper, since recently. The flag was half mast, too, and wasn't that supposed to mean something serious was going on. Oh well, time to go find Georgie and ask what in the fiddlesticks was going on here. He always knows everything.
"Hey-o, Georgie, what's going on with everyone today? I've seen livelier apocalypses then the people shuffling in the halls." He looked... faded like one of those old black and white films. It was so weird.
His eye bags and open mouth made him look like early morning Grunkle Stan. It was a kinda funny looking expression on him. "No one told you?"
"Told me what?"
"Ally got sent to the hospital yesterday. She got attacked, was what I heard. I don't know if she'll make it, to be honest."
What? Ally was... Surely, it wasn't that bad. Georgie always exaggerates these things, the little rascal.
"D'you know what happened?"
"Some guy on the street. Don't know why she was out so late, but I know the perp's lawyer is working on an insanity plea. Apparently the man was found clutching head, murmuring to himself. My dad's one of the cops on the case, and he says it's a weird one even for junkie cases. Whatever the guy was on, it had him hallucinating like mad. Something about floating triangles. Crazy fucking Illuminati conspirators..."
Wait. Floating triangles... Bill! He went too far this time! I mean, he might be a wackadoodle, but he never killed anyone before. Battles with Bill were never serious. It was all about sock puppet possession and cat fist death matches inside Grunkle Stan's head. No one actually died.
Well, I guess there was that one time at the end of summer where Bill almost killed us, but it felt so unreal. Like it was an adventure movie like Ohio James and the Lost Ark of the Contract. It didn't feel like anyone would really die. Mildly hurt, sure, but dead...
"Georgie, I know I'm going to sound absolutely bonkers, but we need to find Bill right now."
"Wait. You don't seriously think Bill is responsible for Ally's attack, do you? He might be as weird as a three headed goat, but accusing him of attempted murder is a bit much, don't you think?"
"Georgie, I swear I'm telling the truth right now. I'm serious. For once in my life, I'm serious. Bill is responsible for this. Look me in the eyes, and tell me I'm joking."
He... His face was so... blank and disbelieving. How could he not trust me, not believe me, after all we've been through together? We're friends, aren't we? He should believe in me and stand up for me even if everyone else thinks I'm crazy, right? Why won't he just trust me this one time? Even I know when to be serious sometimes.
"At least come with me as support to interrogate the guy, alright? If it turns out I'm wrong, you have eternal 'I told you so' rights."
"I do love telling people I told them so... Alright, I don't believe your insane theory you magically came up with out of thin air, but talking to the guy can't hurt anything, right?"
I got the feeling he wasn't addressing the question to me. Geez, he didn't really believe me, did he? Oh, he will. 110% guaranteed Human Bill is actually Triangle Bill, and if it's one thing Triangle Bill loves more than anything else, it's gloating. He'll talk. The only thing that demon loves is the sound of his own voice.
"Bill should be at Dipper's homeroom. We should go now, right now."
Right now, before Bill could hurt anyone else. Especially not Dipper.
Oh no, Dipper! Those two hate each other. Part of why Bill was defeated in the first place was because of Dipper. He's a prime revenge target! Especially if Bill's been warping his mind this whole time.
Right, the class is right there, and Bill should be right there, tearing Dipper away from everyone and everything who matters to him. Dipper's desk, right in the back of the class, with Dipper seated without his hat and poured over some dusty old book-
Where was Dipper? Where's my brother? It's just an empty seat. Where-?
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Shooting Star wised up at last? Oh, and you brought a friend, too. This one's Tweedle-Dee, right?"
"Tweedle-Dee?"
"Yep, out of a set of three. Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dumb, and Tweedle-Dead. You know, I respect you for collecting them all, Shooting Star, even if it meant getting rid of old favorites."
"Wait, you were behind Ally's attack?" Georgie still didn't believe me by now!? Well, he's about to start believing right now or Bill's going to make mince meat out of him.
"Yeah, yeah, that. Didn't you get that by now, you two-bit side character? I'm not exactly trying to hide it. Like come on, weird and oddly personal nightmares of deep seated fears, odd 'hints' revealed in dreams, a one-eyes meatsuit named 'Bill'? You fleshbags are so stupid; I had all but signed my name on every little thing, and you were still too dumb to piece it all together until the very end. Your brother really is the brains of the operation, kid."
"What did you do to my brother?"
"Oh, don't you strain that little head of yours, kid? Let's just say, I shoved him away into one of my little hidyholes for him to take a little nap. And if it'll ease your puny mind, I did say I would turn you into a corpse before your brother, didn't I? Or did you forget everything that happened in good ol' Gravity Falls? And what fun would it be if I didn't slowly torture you to death in front of Stan 1 and Stan 2? I'm sure IQ'll have a great time watching my slowly rip the skin piece by piece of his precious niece. He'll love it so much he'll finally tell me that one little equation of his he's been keeping locked up in his big, empty head of his. And, well, you know what happens after that. A party of epic proportions that will never end. Now brought to every 3D fleshsack in your universe. Find it at a fearamid near you! Ahahaha!"
I forgot how much I hated his high pitched smug laughter.
"It'll never work, Bill. The Pines family will never bow to you. We've stopped you once, and we'll do it again."
"Now, here's the thing, Shooting Star. I've already won. Sixer and Ford are nowhere to be found, your parents are worthless as anything other than monster fodder, and I own your brother. And what have you done, Mabel Pines: played silly detective games while I slowly gained control of your brother's mind. I should thank you for that, really. Nothing like old fashioned sibling abandonment and betrayal combined with total social isolation to drive a soul to desperation, huh? If you stood up for your brother in front of your parents, in front of your friends, do you really think we'd be in this situation right now? He had so much trust in you, you know. Should we go back further? Back when you got so upset that Pine Tree was going to spend some time apart with someone who understood and supported his interests in the supernatural, why, you couldn't stand the idea of him growing apart from you, could you? But what did you ever give up for your brother? Certainly, not the chance of a lifetime. Do I even have to mention what happened in the bubble? You have never been able to so much as resist me on your own, Shooting Star, never mind stop me. Not without help from your brother."
His lone eye shined a fierce gold. His smug smirk showed off his inhumanly sharp teeth. I wanted to punch that look off his face so bad.
"Do you really think you can beat me by yourself?"